to think saying "she wants the D" is disgusting?

(63 Posts)
oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 13:56:32

Especially when said by a cocky arrogant man.

It's just so demeaning. Or am I just a prude?

CuttedUpPear Sun 08-Dec-13 13:57:34

D?

What?

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Sun 08-Dec-13 13:57:47

Only if we can say he wants the V

Which we wouldn't because we're not idiots

catgirl1976 Sun 08-Dec-13 13:58:00

I'm having to guess what it means, but if it means "she wants the dick" then I would find it more pathetic than anything else.

But YANBU to find it distasteful

I don't imagine the cocky, arrogant man in question gets to use his "d" much

insancerre Sun 08-Dec-13 13:58:15

are you playing scrabble?
confused

DuchessFanny Sun 08-Dec-13 13:58:42

What's a 'D' please ?

OpalTourmaline Sun 08-Dec-13 13:58:55

What does it mean? I've never heard of it

scaredoflabour Sun 08-Dec-13 13:59:07

D????
V????
am I being thick?

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking Sun 08-Dec-13 14:00:01

Dick
Vagina

What you say back is:

Want to hear a joke about the V? Nah, you will never get it

ArtisanLentilWeaver Sun 08-Dec-13 14:01:03

Dick and vagina, I think. scaredoflabour

sapfu Sun 08-Dec-13 14:01:13

Eh? What?

Never heard this phrase.

I want a Dyson, does that count?

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:01:47

Sorry yes, D as in Dick.

A guy at work (who I thought was nice) apparently said (about me) - yeah she just wants the D.

Obviously referring to himself.

Finola1step Sun 08-Dec-13 14:02:52

Doughnut?

Vino?

ArtisanLentilWeaver Sun 08-Dec-13 14:02:56

Is he looking for a Knee in the B's? Because he will surely get one.

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:04:00

I don't know why its pissed me off so much!

Maybe its the fact that hes been saying it behind my back to people, thus giving them a pretty shit opinion of myself.

OpalTourmaline Sun 08-Dec-13 14:04:59

I do not want your D because U R a D' head.

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:06:58

Btw he has the word "cock" in his surname.

Definitely living up to it.

SPsWantsCliffInHerStocking Sun 08-Dec-13 14:07:33

The males who say this tend to not get the V

mrsmalcolmreynolds Sun 08-Dec-13 14:07:57

It's pissed you off because it's unprofessional, insulting, crude, misogynistic - I could go on...

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Sun 08-Dec-13 14:08:28

Did he say that on work premises? Not sure what the guidelines are, but at the very least that surely constitutes behaviour that would bring te firm into disrepute? That's before even starting on the sexual harassment aspect.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing Sun 08-Dec-13 14:09:43

cock by name, cock by nature.

mrsjay Sun 08-Dec-13 14:10:13

god he obviously thinks very highly of himself I do like sp reply though grin op I am so sorry you need to work with this arse of a man I would reply with a sarky comment

mrsmalcolmreynolds Sun 08-Dec-13 14:10:17

Thinking about it more, in a work context this is surely pretty close to sexual harassment? I would be contacting HR I think.

KatOD Sun 08-Dec-13 14:10:39

If he said it to anyone whose opinion is worth worrying about it will be his reputation that will have suffered. How foul.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Sun 08-Dec-13 14:11:19

Xpost with Shotgun.

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:12:04

Did he say that on work premises?

Yes, in front of at least two of my work colleagues.

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:13:04

Should I say something to him or just ignore it?

mrsjay Sun 08-Dec-13 14:13:57

It is harassment you shouldnt have to put up with feeling uncomfortable at work, the guy sounds like he has a little D but a huge ego

DameFanny Sun 08-Dec-13 14:14:46

Report him for sexual harassment. He's an utter D and deserves it.

tinypumpkin Sun 08-Dec-13 14:15:31

That is so unprofessional not to mention rude and plain mysognistic (sp)! I would want to do something about that. Not sure whether HR /boss would be the best bet or to mention it to him directly.

mrsjay Sun 08-Dec-13 14:17:29

i said to say something sarky to him i have changed my mind he might think you are flirting hmm
what did the other people say to him

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:17:39

Revolting. And probably sexual harassment as well.

Did he say this in a work situation? And that includes after work socialising if it was all with colleagues.

Did he say it in front of someone you can rely on to be accurate, truthful and to back you up ?

If so I'd book an appointment with your HR officer.

softlysoftly Sun 08-Dec-13 14:17:44

Straight to HR if I were you!

DioneTheDiabolist Sun 08-Dec-13 14:18:11

It certainly sound like he is a D.

TalkativeJim Sun 08-Dec-13 14:18:30

Next time he says it answer, 'What, you mean she wants your diddly dinky dingleberry? How sweet!'

That should shut him up.

Gripewater Sun 08-Dec-13 14:18:51

Don't say it to him just complain to HR.

How is he going about saying it? As a joke and why is he telling people this? I hate stupid little boys like this. He'll probably try and make out it was a joke and all just a bit of banter but don't let him. If it makes you uncomfortable then you have every right to complain.

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:19:19

Sorry, posted before I saw your later posts. This is a matter which should be reported to HR.

gobbin Sun 08-Dec-13 14:20:49

"I gather you've been making references behind my back that I want the D. Just for your info, I wouldn't want YOUR D even if it was the size of an elephant's and gold-plated because you are a twat. See, I have the balls to say it to your face. Good afternoon."

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:21:36

We used to send chatty emails now and again, and it's a small office and people gossip so I think the rumour went around that I liked him - which I did at the time.

Never said anything inappropriate in any email, it was just general chit chat and getting to know him. I knew he had broken up with someone about 4 months before that and then heard he was back with his girlfriend so pretty much forgot about it, and just gave a general "hi" if we happened to walk by each other at work.

Last time we spoke would have been October (ish) and then I find out he's now been saying -

"I have a girlfriend, and don't have time for that. She just really wants the D"

No. I wanted to get to know him and be friends, and if it took off from there great and if not - so what. When I heard he had a girlfriend I thought it was inappropriate because of the gossip.

farrowandbawlbauls Sun 08-Dec-13 14:22:32

Anyone who says that IS a D.

monicalewinski Sun 08-Dec-13 14:22:43

Depends on your working environment tbh.

Mine has always been v male and overrun with ridiculous statements like that. Where I work is very informal/non office - mostly in a t-bar situation when we're not out actually working, so all the banter occurs in the 'crewroom'.

My reply has always been along the lines of "I clearly don't need the fucking cock as everyone knows I've got the biggest cock and bollocks on the lecky desk - why would I want his tadger too??" (usually done at volume and with an adoring audience, with the wanker in earshot).

Obviously this would not be an appropriate retort in an office type setting, and it is entirely up to you how offended you are/what action you will take - but tbh if you don't address it it carries on in an insidious way and by remaining silent you are giving the 'ok' for this sort of thing to be said about you.

It's rubbish and unfair, and it annoys me that in this day and age we still have to deal with wankers like that. (I am ranting, sorry!!). Either way, he's a penis.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Sun 08-Dec-13 14:23:32

Are your colleagues likely to tell the truth if asked by HRor are they the type to close ranks? If the latter I would probably try to deal with it informally to start off with - warn him off in the presence of others and say any more of this will be reported to HR. Then make a note of all you know about when and to who he made the original comments and your warning conversation with him. Then you have a record to use later with HR if you have to.

If your colleagues are likely to tell the truth then I'd be more inclined to skip the warning and teport straight away.

monicalewinski Sun 08-Dec-13 14:25:43

Sorry, xpost - just seen you work in an office. I do think it needs to be nipped in the bud and it's up to you how formal/informal you make it - absolutely don't ignore it though because it will continue if you do.

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:29:20

I'd be wary of tackling it informality. Unless OP , can be very , cool, calm and rational it has potential of.going wrong; especially as he is clearly an idiot. The last thing she wants or needs is any slanging match or name calling which could give him an inch of wriggle room.

Go straight to HR and tell them this has come to your attention and you find it upsetting, embarrassing and will make it difficult for you to work alongside this person.

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:30:30

"informally"

BabyMummy29 Sun 08-Dec-13 14:33:09

If I knew what she wants the D meant, I might be able to comment!

squeakytoy Sun 08-Dec-13 14:36:02

I would just reply, "if I wanted it, I wouldnt be looking at you"... I cant be doing with all this talk of racing off to HR at the slightest bit of a comment that can easily be deflected and turned back on the gobshite who makes it..

However in this instance it is hearsay.. you dont even know that he HAS said it.

oharaharlot Sun 08-Dec-13 14:37:00

I think I might try it informally first - maybe send an email?

Hi.

Basically it's quite a small place we work in and so obviously I've heard the things you've been saying about me - such as I really want the D, etc.

To be honest I find it very unprofessional and extremely crude and misogynistic. I haven't spoken to you in 2 months and can reassure you categorically that I do not want the D.

FrostedButts Sun 08-Dec-13 14:41:28

Shame I can't post pics on AIBU. this was scrawled on the wall of a pub I was in once. Promptly amended to D...estruction of the patriarchy

FrostedButts Sun 08-Dec-13 14:44:05

Oh god just read the actual thread. This guy is an utter stain, no? Turn him into a running joke, or just inform your manager.

FrostedButts Sun 08-Dec-13 14:46:02

I would not engage in dialogue with him about it, he clearly has low self esteem hence using you as a tool (see what I did there?) to boost his own image. So doubtful he will take criticism on the chin.

ChasedByBees Sun 08-Dec-13 15:01:36

I don't think an email to him is a good idea. Reporting it would be far more effective. However, If you really feel like that is the best option be much more factual and hard line.

Perhaps:

"I have heard comments that you have made about me to other members of staff. I consider these comments to be sexual harassment and if there are any further incidences it will be reported to HR."

The problem with that approach though is it opens a dialogue and could just make him go 'underground'. So still being snide and sly with comments but to people who won't tell you. Far far better to report.

Trigglesx Sun 08-Dec-13 15:24:46

I suppose you could email the above (by ChasedByBees) and send a cc to your manager/supervisor as well. It might alert him that you mean business.

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 15:28:24

Do not under any circumstances send the suggested email. All you are doing is.giving him an opportunity to wrong foot you.

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 15:31:38

And don't even think of emailing him and cc'ing anyone else. The little creep has the right to have any complaint treated confidentially via the correct forum. You are setting yourself up for disciplinary procedures if you do.

Caitlin17 Sun 08-Dec-13 15:41:01

Seriously. Don't email anyone at work about this.

You are making a serious allegation. Email is not a secure medium.

Email can be forwarded or copied on automatically without the sender knowing; PAs, secretaries, assistants etc can have access to mail boxes without you knowing.

Trigglesx Sun 08-Dec-13 15:47:53

That's true, what Caitlin17 says. Thinking on it, emails are not secure and it could make things worse.

Is there some reason you can't just make a complaint through the appropriate channels?

UsedToBeNDP Sun 08-Dec-13 15:51:21

I have never heard this phrase. Luckily

monicalewinski Sun 08-Dec-13 15:55:27

You can make an informal complaint at work and make it clear that you do not require any further action than him being spoken to - it does not have to blow out of proportion at all.

Your work should have and E & D rep who deals with and logs all these sorts of things, and you can even leave it as just a discussion with them if you decide not to do anything else.

Nipping it squarely in the bud does not necessarily mean being the 'girly grass who can't take a joke'.

As Caitlin said, no email as you are entering into a 'tit for tat' then and you lose the moral high ground.

loveolives Sun 08-Dec-13 15:58:13

My DP says it to me sometimes 'do you want the D?' I just think it's funny. Depends on the context tbh.

SugarHut Sun 08-Dec-13 16:07:15

"Whilst I must admit, the amazing offer of your dick, is sending me into a giddy whirls of uncontrollable desire, I fear for your medical safety if I remove it from your forehead"

Twat.

vtechjazz Sun 08-Dec-13 16:08:28

I've heard of this D,
That makes girls say 'yes please'
But after a week,
Its burns when they wee.

Toilet wall, tomorrow.

Chunderella Sun 08-Dec-13 16:20:06

Blech. He sounds like a particularly 80s version of Robin Thicke.

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