Aibu and a bit gross or was this a twatty comment from boyfriend? (maybe tmi)

(103 Posts)
RainbowShadow Sun 08-Dec-13 00:12:41

When I have sex with my boyfriend we don't use a condom (I am on the pill and we've both been tested etc)

Anyway after we're finished I usually like to cuddle for maximum 10 minutes (give or take) and then I'll use the bathroom, wipe with tissue and then use a babywipe. Then I'll have a shower in the morning - as I do anyway.

Last night again after we'd finished (we're talking minutes), bf asked me if I was going to clean myself, I replied yes of course I was and that I always do anyway.

He then replied - yeah you do .... but not always straight away, and I don't want you to get all horrible down there.


BuzzardBird Sun 08-Dec-13 00:14:39

Try using a condom...over his head grin gross

MammaTJ Sun 08-Dec-13 00:15:41

BuzzardBird has it right!

nennypops Sun 08-Dec-13 00:17:37

It was a tatty comment. He does realise, doesn't he, that if you are "all horrible down there" it's because of what comes out of him?

nennypops Sun 08-Dec-13 00:18:28

Twatty, not tatty. Predictive text obviously didn't approve of my language

T100 Sun 08-Dec-13 00:19:39

Definitely a twatty comment but if you're probe to UTIs it's worth visiting the loo sooner after dtd than later.

WooWooOwl Sun 08-Dec-13 00:21:51

Does he go clean himself? I very much doubt he's squeaky clean down there after the deed is done either!

FandangoLaLaLaLaLaLaLaaaa Sun 08-Dec-13 00:26:10

YANBU what does he want you to do get busy with the Dettol as soon as he's finished?

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 00:28:34

He was encouraging you to improve your personal hygiene as he'd been keeping an eye on it previously and wasn't keen on what he'd seen.

Of course he was being a twat!

Even if he had noticed, it's pretty crass to actually say it out loud.

Did he think you'd be grateful for the heads up (so to speak)?

Maybe he thought you'd ask him for any other pointers he'd noted?

Maybe83 Sun 08-Dec-13 00:33:43

twat of the highest order cuddly after the deed is nearly better than! I wouldn't mind but its mostly him that would have caused the mess.

Do you know it would be condoms all the way now and I d be querying when he was getting up to get cleaned up...

RainbowShadow Sun 08-Dec-13 00:36:28

He was encouraging you to improve your personal hygiene as he'd been keeping an eye on it previously and wasn't keen on what he'd seen.

He wasn't encouraging me to improve my personal hygiene actually. hmm

He's basically making the point that I'm nice and clean down there and he wants it to stay that way.

trufflesnuffler Sun 08-Dec-13 00:42:24

I recommend a good scrub with a loo brush

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 00:42:25

I was being sarky and saying it as him being a twat Rainbow, I wasn't negatively commenting on your hygiene!

He said 'He then replied - yeah you do .... but not always straight away', that was him being a cheeky fuck.

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 00:43:22

grin wire brush and dettol truffle? (billy connolly)

BitOfFunWithSanta Sun 08-Dec-13 00:43:23

It's still yeuch.

If he's got an issue with his polluting qualities, that is his problem.

WorraLiberty Sun 08-Dec-13 00:43:31

His reaction is too weird to contemplate.

Does he immediately clean himself?

Is he one of these people who uses antibac wipes on everything he touches?

trufflesnuffler Sun 08-Dec-13 00:45:49

Definitely agent! I keep a blue bloc inside me at all times grin

FrameyMcFrame Sun 08-Dec-13 00:47:09

Ugh what a grotesque comment!!!

The bit he misses off his sentence but is implied. '.I don't want you to get all horrible down there....for MY pleasure!!!!'

Bossy and horribly childlike in one comment.

Urgh it's your body, he has so objectified you there.

Gross. LTB

yesyestisme Sun 08-Dec-13 00:48:41

He probably has a penisbeaker grin

kotinka Sun 08-Dec-13 00:52:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Sun 08-Dec-13 00:55:12

It wouldn't bother me personally because I can imagine my DP saying it and I know how he'd mean it, but your DP might have meant it in a completely different way.

tinmug Sun 08-Dec-13 00:57:50

What does "all horrible down there" actually mean though? confused Vaginas are wipe-clean. They don't get stained if you don't wipe up any spills straight away.

K8Middleton Sun 08-Dec-13 00:58:00

You'd stay really nice... pristine even if he didn't touch you at all.

He is a fool and sounds about 14.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Sun 08-Dec-13 01:00:32

I wonder if he's imagine blue waffle.

BillyBanter Sun 08-Dec-13 01:01:22

I think if someone said that to me the ''Fuck off'' would be out of my mouth before I knew I was saying it. If he's got an issue he can own it himself instead of making it yours.

I think it's time for you to develop a few fussy preferences of your own. smile

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 01:01:45

He's projecting tinmug, and thinking women get the equivalent of crusty nob cheese <barf>

hoppingmad Sun 08-Dec-13 01:02:29

I wondered how long it would be before a penis beaker would come up wink

Op, he's being a twat. Dh & I both clean up after but we cuddle first. Sometimes we even sleep in a wet patch. It's sex, sometimes it's messy shock. Sounds like he has issues

I would not be impressed if dh described me as horrible in any context

FrameyMcFrame Sun 08-Dec-13 01:06:33

The worst bit of it is the words 'I don't want' followed by anything to do with YOUR body, or 'down there' as he crassly puts it. What does he think, he gets to make the decisions about what happens 'down there' ? Unbefuckinglievable.

It's your body how dare he tell you to get up and get washed???

Rude and a stunning sense of entitlement.

saulaboutme Sun 08-Dec-13 01:20:07

is he a teenage beginner??? Juices are juices tmi lol

Normalisavariantofcrazy Sun 08-Dec-13 01:28:05

Thing is you can clean up but (I do worry if this is just me!! Please reassure me it's not!!) no matter How much i wash, have a wee, shower etc the following day I still feel like I smell like I've had sex. That is FAAAAAAAAAR tmi I know but I can't be alone can I?!

feelingfuckingfestiveok Sun 08-Dec-13 01:37:46

is this a contrill issue? does he have hygiene issues? or has he ever started to tell you what to do re clothes anything?

twat flags is fluttering

SleepOhHowIMissYou Sun 08-Dec-13 01:58:14

I imagine he's not keen on sleeping in the wet patch OP. Even a few minutes is enough for it to seep out. The undignified waddle to the toilet with a wad of bog roll between your legs is omitted in romantic scenes in fiction I find, but it's that or a puddle of semen on your sheets in reality. I doubt he's suggesting your lady parts are disgusting seeing as he's just enjoyed them.

whitesugar Sun 08-Dec-13 02:42:21

Do you think that it is acceptable for your DP to tell you to get out of bed and wash yourself after sex so that you are nice and clean and not horrible down there. I am quite honestly speechless. For the first time ever I am going to say it... LTB

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts Sun 08-Dec-13 02:59:46

I misread FeelingFuckingFestives post as

"is this a council issue? Does he have hygiene issues?"

I'm sorry it's not helpful but ohhh, quick call the council!!!

Ifancyashandy Sun 08-Dec-13 03:14:45

Sex IS messy. Any man who couldn't cope with a wet patch / the fact that what goes up must go down would have no place in my bed. Especially if he commented on it negatively towards me.

Monty27 Sun 08-Dec-13 03:17:27

Tell him he should dump his dick in a penisbeaker full of bleach preferably. hmm

sykadelic15 Sun 08-Dec-13 04:18:55

Just wow. I'd be offended firstly because he said it, and secondly because it sounds like something he's been thinking about.

Like YOU would want to end up "all horrible" down there either, and you're the one who'd have to live with it.

Who has he been talking to, or what has he been looking at that he's concerned about that?

Ugh. he sounds like the kinda guy who would tell you not to eat that cupcake 'cause he doesn't want you getting chunky etc.

I'd suggest switching to condoms, in the interest of you not going "all horrible" down there.

pianodoodle Sun 08-Dec-13 04:21:47

I'd switch to a different boyfriend never mind switching to condoms hmm

He's foul, OP.

GiveItYourBestFucker Sun 08-Dec-13 05:34:26

Twatty comment. Sex is messy, it's one of the reasons why it's fun. Has he been watching too much porn? He'll be telling you to go for a fanny facelift next...

ihatethecold Sun 08-Dec-13 07:08:31

Twatty comments from him.
I'm annoyed just reading this.
He doesn't own you.
He has no right to make those comments.
Get rid, he sounds controlling.

bragmatic Sun 08-Dec-13 07:10:21

prepare a penis beaker for him and fill it with bleach.

bragmatic Sun 08-Dec-13 07:11:08

…for use after obvs.

Fairylea Sun 08-Dec-13 07:11:33

What an arse!

Can't think of much else to say except how bloody rude!!

ots Sun 08-Dec-13 07:22:52

sleep that undignified waddle to the bathroom is affectionately known as 'The Walk' by DH and I grin

natwebb79 Sun 08-Dec-13 07:26:47

Oh jeeze, this reminds me of a bloke I went out with who expected me to cup my hand over my nether regions and run to the bathroom to cleanse myself a nano second after he'd shot his load. He had ishooooz grin

LovesBeingHereAgain Sun 08-Dec-13 07:36:57

All of the above.

normal it's not just you I feel that way too. Even after shower and clean up I still feel I can smell it.

maparole Sun 08-Dec-13 07:57:53

I would actually find that quite disturbing ... it suggests he is uncomfortable with the female body and finds it all a bit distasteful.

Then again, I find the idea of cleaning yourself up almost immediately after the act a little OCD, so p'raps I'm just a dirty mare grin.

poshfrock Sun 08-Dec-13 08:19:51

Tell him your preferred method of cleaning up is felching and ask him to get cracking.

poshfrock Sun 08-Dec-13 08:26:22

And if he does have a penis beaker try filling it with limescale remover.

I once had a boyfriend who literally used to withdraw and go straight to the bathroom to clean himself. No cuddles, didn't even lie down. He was very odd. I'm more of a sleep in the wet patch kind of girl so probably a bit scummy by MN standards.

Mia4 Sun 08-Dec-13 12:56:07

Hmmm sounds very odd OP and possibly offensive, did you call him on it?

Some people get odd ideas re:fluids though. My sister always believed that you had to go for a wee right after sex or you'd get cystitis. Is he being a dick or could he be genuinely ignorant and think you'll end up with thrush if you don't rush off?

If it's the former, call him on it or as Posh says 'suggest he cleans it up.'

"Some people get odd ideas re:fluids though. My sister always believed that you had to go for a wee right after sex or you'd get cystitis"

I used to be prone to cystitis and my GP told me to have a wee as soon as possible after sex to flush the tubes out so to speak flush bacteria from the urethra that may have gone up there due to the action of intercourse. Doing so has made a massive difference for me and I've rarely had cystitis since. While I'm in the bathroom I figure I may as well freshen up too so I rinse myself off (jug of water poured over me whilst I'm sitting on the loo does a brilliant job...better than wipes IMHO). Besides, I don't really like that sticky feeling and would rather clean up quite quickly after sex so that I'm ready to go for possible round 2.

"Tell him your preferred method of cleaning up is felching and ask him to get cracking."
LOL! grin

Mia4 Sun 08-Dec-13 16:15:48

The funny thing is livid that my Dsis has never had it so i don't know who even told her in the beginning. I agree I do go for a wee a while after sex but my Dsis was so paranoid she once made her DP stop midway because he was 'going on a bit long' and she thought she should force out a cautionary wee. I would have thought that forcing yourself to wee would be a bad thing, she's such a tiny bladder is it is.

MaidOfStars Sun 08-Dec-13 16:40:53

Just to add a different perspective...

How would posters advise someone to approach a colleague about BO? Or a friend about bad breath? I assume the answers would involve a combo of 'Just tell them', 'Draw them into conversation about general hygiene' and 'Casually offer them mints/deodorant'.

And how would you feel about the recipient of such advice/prompting if they responded with 'Fuck the fuck off, you controlling twat, it's my body and I'll do what I want'.

So now, how would you advise someone to approach their girlfriend about a less-than-pristine vagina?

OP, this is slightly tongue-in-cheek, before you explode in offended horror....

jammiedonut Sun 08-Dec-13 16:46:07

I was given the same advice as Livid when I was having the 'birds and bees' chat with my mum at 16. I've never had cystitis outside of pregnancy and it's almost an automated response to dtd, quick cuddle then off for a wee. Dh gets slightly miffed that I don't cuddle for long enough, so I'm sure he'd prefer me to stay gross and icky

MistAllChuckingFrighty Sun 08-Dec-13 16:49:07

Oh dear

I wonder what he would think about my H who is more than happy to go muff diving the morning after a sesh, when there has been little more than a slapdash wipe the night before grin

Personally. I find that men who don't love women's bodies, and everything about them, to be of the woman-hating variety of twat

Defnotsupergirl Sun 08-Dec-13 16:50:22

Maybe share this snippet with him- my bohemian biology teacher at school explained that the reason there is "that" smell after intercourse is in caveman times it warned off other males that this lady was taken and to promote the idea of looking after your lady if she was carrying "your" child. Don't know how true it is but would explain a little why it occurs if it is. How we got round to discussing it I really can't remember.......

Hohohowhatfuckeryitis Sun 08-Dec-13 17:04:20

I'd be saying "well a bj will definitely out of the question then as it's mostly your mess" and you will be sleeping in a different County

EggInABap Sun 08-Dec-13 17:16:05

My friend dated someone who would get baby wipes out of his little drawer if they were about to get jiggy, he would use his hands for a bit then use a baby wipe to clean his hands, then go down on her and when finished wipe his face with a new wipe. Then penetrate her. grin

MistAllChuckingFrighty Sun 08-Dec-13 17:18:13

What a baby !

let's be honest here, baby-wiping the outside of the area just cleans the outside. Any lingering spunk is simply waiting up there for gravity to ensure it makes a reappearance, which sometimes can be hours afterwards smile

NewtRipley Sun 08-Dec-13 17:20:59

I wonder what he means?

As an aside, i've manged to avoid repeated bouts of cystitis by weeing and washing before and after

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 08-Dec-13 17:23:52

I wouldnt use a baby wipe on my cho cha. Make me itch just thinking about it.
Lose the baby wipes. And the boyfriend.

NewtRipley Sun 08-Dec-13 17:26:02

I have noticed the irony of you using the word for vagina in a pejorative way in your title wink

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 08-Dec-13 17:26:04

True, Misty. Who hasn't been walking to the bus stop the next morning, knickers in pocket, and felt the telltale trickle down the inner thigh?
A lady simply has a tissue handy.

What a douche. I never clean up after sex - it ruins the afterglow and can wait until morning.

NewtRipley Sun 08-Dec-13 18:16:56

douche? Starnge that another insult is another word for something that goes up a vagina. Germaine Greer was right.

I was thinking more of an anal douche.

NewtRipley Sun 08-Dec-13 18:24:58


Alisvolatpropiis Sun 08-Dec-13 18:30:14


I do go off fairly shortly afterwards because I read doing so prevents uti's, so a quick wee and tidy. But not immediately.

I had an ex who would shower after sex. Every single time. Given he was a walking Viagra (not a stealth boast) this became tiresome.

I suggested we use condoms as he clearly had issues about a mess that was, in reality, of his own making. He refused. I dumped him in the end, not just for that obviously but I always thought it was weird.

Tikkamasala Sun 08-Dec-13 18:42:54

Sounds a bit weird OP. I would be a bit hmm at the comment. we are not overly bothered about mess, we have a box of tissues next to the bed so we just wipe with tissues and stay in bed to cuddle. I didn't know the thing about having to wee after sex to prevent cystitis. Maybe tmi but I usually can't wee straight after sex! Never had any kind of infection.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout Sun 08-Dec-13 19:33:46

I will be honest I don't care much for the mess or smell after sex. I bathe afterwards. Even if we D.T.D in the middle of the night, I'll go straight to the bath room after about 5 mins and get as very quick bath. D.P is not as fussy he just cleans his equipment with a baby wipe. I always change the sheets afterwards as well. xxx

Joysmum Sun 08-Dec-13 20:10:19

Hubby and I always like to shower (together) after sex too. I don't see what the big issue is.

HearMyRoar Sun 08-Dec-13 20:21:49

life your post just made we laugh so much I nearly fell off the sofa. Seriously if anyone has the energy for all that after sex they're not doing it right grin

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout Sun 08-Dec-13 20:33:12

Hi. Hearmyroar. Ha ha. I will be honest when I say very quick I mean very quick, less 1 minute. Just enough time to clean my erm equipment, and as for changing the bedding I have to I couldn't sleep in a bed full of cum. Even though it is tempting to sometimes just fall straight to sleep afterwards. xx

ShinyBauble Sun 08-Dec-13 20:50:39

Tell him he'll have to use condoms in future so your fanjo stays squeaky clean?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 08-Dec-13 21:01:40

I couldn't possible move after having sex.

DH is rather good in bed, i think i would faint if i got up straight after to clean, just put underwear back on until i muster the energy to go to the WC

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 08-Dec-13 21:05:03

i always thought sperm can live in the vagina for up to 72 hours, so no nooky for 3 days if he wants it free from his little swimmers.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles Sun 08-Dec-13 21:05:46

I lie there with shaky legs for a spell, then get up. I'd end up on my arse if I got up straight away - not only because of shaky legs but my blood pressure blush

as for changing the bedding I have to I couldn't sleep in a bed full of cum

Full of cum?! How many men are you sleeping with wink

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 08-Dec-13 21:11:41

noArmaniNoPunani loves your name, fits in well with this thread

XiCi Sun 08-Dec-13 21:17:27

Agree with forty doors. Sex with someone who can't wait for you to get out of bed and clean yourself must be pretty joyless. Some serious issues going on there.

PrincessFlirtyPants Sun 08-Dec-13 21:27:42

DoYouLikeMyBaubles my legs shake as well! I thought I was the only one though blush

meeemo Sun 08-Dec-13 21:30:46


Jengnr Sun 08-Dec-13 21:33:38

Tell him he's quite right and therefore he can no longer finish inside you.

He can sort you out then deal with the rest himself.

womma Sun 08-Dec-13 21:40:08

I wouldn't be doing it with any man who referred to my delightful winky as 'down there'. Get a real boyfriend.

As per my thread the sherry may have addled my posting judgement but I surely cannot be the only person who just goes to sleep after?? No wee no wipe no tissue just ta love that was grand, night.

FrameyMcFrame Sun 08-Dec-13 21:58:18

Oh the op hasn't returned, I hope she shows him the thread!

natwebb79 Mon 09-Dec-13 10:46:24

I'm convinced she's seeing my ex...

dontcallmehon Mon 09-Dec-13 10:54:04

This thread is actually hilarious!

NewtRipley Mon 09-Dec-13 11:05:18


re: cystitis. If you are prone to cystitis, the advice to wee before/after is really helpful. Unfortunately I'm prone.

NewtRipley Mon 09-Dec-13 11:06:00

I agree about the BF by the way.

TwoShakesOfaWhiskersTail Mon 09-Dec-13 11:27:47

life you have a bath and change the sheets every time?
How often do you have sex? I couldn't be arsed with all that, had no idea you were supposed to do anything.
Don't you just cuddle up and fall asleep?

Famzilla Mon 09-Dec-13 11:45:18

This is why we use condoms. (Well that and any other form of contraception turns me into a dragon or mother) So the lazy cow in me can just roll over and go to sleep whilst DH gets up washes his knob somewhere.

poshfrock Mon 09-Dec-13 16:14:41

TooOld No you are not the only person who does that. Sometimes I go for a wee but not every time. Often fall asleep still "entwined" as it were.

poshfrock Mon 09-Dec-13 16:17:12

life What happens if you have sex more than once in the same night? Do you do multiple bath/ sheet change combos?

tutu100 Mon 09-Dec-13 16:26:32

My first thought ( and you'll know whether it was said like this) is that maybe he was concerned. He may as some other have suggested got the wrong end of the stick with regards to something like thrush or cystitis. Did he sound concerned or was he insturcting you?

Quoteunquote Mon 09-Dec-13 16:33:00

Start using condoms as he sounds far too immature to risk breeding with, I would add a cap just to be on the safe side.

runningonwillpower Mon 09-Dec-13 16:35:07

How unsexy is the post-coital hygiene palaver?

We just go to sleep.

happygirl87 Mon 09-Dec-13 17:12:28

TooOld and Poshfrock, me too. AMAZED (as ever) by the lengths some people go to!

NewtRipley Mon 09-Dec-13 19:30:35


The "sex" bit of the sex is sexy though..

ladythatlunches Mon 09-Dec-13 20:39:14

Im so jealous of you all who can snuggle after and go to sleep. I get very veey nasty urine infection that turns from mild to bleeding etc in hours.

I always have a bath in evening so if nookie is on the cards that's fine, but I have to get up wee, wash, rinse dry and clean cotton pants!

Long gone are the days of sleeping in wet patches for me sad

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