to think people who say "cheer up" need a good slap?

(66 Posts)
PurpleValentine Sat 07-Dec-13 23:52:07

Last night I went out for a work event, in a city that I don't know at all. To cut a long story short I got a call with some bad news and left early. I got myself a bit lost and when a man walked by me and shouted -

"Cheer up love"

I wish I'd told him to fuck off there and then. But seriously I'm joking about the violence part but aibu to think this is just so rude and ignorant. Why say something to a stranger when you actually don't have a clue what the hell is going on in their life?

ShylaMcClaus Sat 07-Dec-13 23:55:24

It's because some people think that you exist for their viewing pleasure and don't expect you to have feelings.

I had this ALL the time as a young woman.

They wouldn't say it to a surly-looking seven-foot bloke, would they?

LEMisafucker Sat 07-Dec-13 23:58:17

You were being unreasonable not to tell him to fuck the fuck off actually and you would have been perfectly within your rights to kick him in the gonads, wanker!

SaucyJack Sat 07-Dec-13 23:59:45

99.9999999999999 % it's older men saying it to younger women. Just reminding you of your place i.e. to act charming and eager-to-please at all times.

Goldmandra Sun 08-Dec-13 00:00:09

It used to happen to me all the time in my teens and twenties.

Just tell yourself that you're so gorgeous that they want to chat you up but aren't quick witted enough to think of anything more sensible to say smile

AtAmber Sun 08-Dec-13 00:01:45

A bus driver said 'cheer up love, it might never happen'. I was going to town to buy something to wear for my mother'a funeral. It was 20 years ago, but it still pisses me off.

PurpleValentine Sun 08-Dec-13 00:02:15

You were being unreasonable not to tell him to fuck the fuck off actually

Definitely, could kick myself for not doing it.

Think because I was a bit lost/confused it took a moment for it to sink in and he'd already walked on.

MadAsFish Sun 08-Dec-13 00:02:20

It should be legal to stab them.
Even worse when they add 'it might not happen'. What if it already has, you twat?

ErrolTheDragon Sun 08-Dec-13 00:08:48

I don't know if 'cheer up love, it might never happen' is worse if something has happened or if it hasn't - people used to say this to me when I was going about my own business perfectly happy, just thinking my own thoughts - used to really piss me off.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Sun 08-Dec-13 00:10:55

YANBU.
I had someone say that to me less than a week after my mum died. Worst bit being the woman knew my mum had died and still said "cheer up it might never happen!"
I replied "Erm, it already has!"
So no YANBU.

RainbowShadow Sun 08-Dec-13 00:14:42

people used to say this to me when I was going about my own business perfectly happy, just thinking my own thoughts - used to really piss me off

Nice to know its not just me. I use to constantly worry that I must look so grumpy/angry/upset all the time - now I don't care and just think what a twatty thing to say.

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 00:16:04

I look right arsey when I'm walking down the street (apparently grin it's just what my face looks like with no expression, I'd look a right oddity walking along grinning like a twat wouldn't I?!) and I was forever having 'cheer ups' thrown at me.

Although I'd rather that than the 'Lets have a go on your tits XXXX' I had shouted at me across a busy street when I was out shopping.

It was someone I vaguely knew as well hmm

BuzzardBird Sun 08-Dec-13 00:17:59

Yep, someone said this to me when I was shopping for a black dress for my dad's funeral. I told him why I looked so glum...shut the stupid shit right up.

TamzinGrey Sun 08-Dec-13 00:34:15

Oh God - I'm horrified that this is still going on.

I used to get " Cheer up darling, it might never happen" all the time in my teens and early twenties. It was always from middle aged men. Mostly bus drivers. It always made me cringe.

I honestly thought that this stupid phrase would have died out by now. The sad old buggers must have taught it to their sons.

WheresMrMonkey Sun 08-Dec-13 00:48:39

YANBU
can I also add "you look tired" to the list. Which is basically just saying you look rubbish, what are you meant to respond? Thanks?

kotinka Sun 08-Dec-13 00:54:36

Yanbu, god I hate that.

OnDasherrorOnDancerror Sun 08-Dec-13 01:06:05

"Cheer up love, it might never happen" is one of my all time most hated phrases. Firstly what is 'it'?, secondly, what if 'it' has happened, (think a PP noted this) and thirdly, what if I don't want to 'cheer up'? I might not enjoy looking like a miserable fucker at that particular moment in time, but pipe down and let me experience these feelings. Even if I haven't just heard anything sad, I often have what I call my 'screensaver face', just my regular face at its resting point, it doesn't look hostile, but not overly cheery either. I'm not going to smile whimsically into the distance just to please anyone!

tiredoldmum Sun 08-Dec-13 01:33:15

Used to get this all the time in prime shaggable age from older men. It is male privilege. Lots of article out there about it. That and getting physically in my space if I was having a conversation with another woman.

They should keep their pie holes shut.

dementedmumof6 Sun 08-Dec-13 02:10:59

YANBU I had this the day after I got out of hospital after needing a d&c as I had had a mc at 15+ weeks but a bit of the placenta had got stuck, I'm ashamed to say I burst into tears in the middle of the street and could quite happily have stabbed them in the eye.

EBearhug Sun 08-Dec-13 02:16:28

I had a taxi driver say it to me. I'd just told him I wanted to go to the hospital. You'd think that might make someone cautious about possible reasons. "Cheer up, it might never happen." But it had just happened. I was going to meet my mother and sister at the hospital, because my father had died about 20 minutes earlier, and there was nothing which could have felt worse at that point.

ZingSweetPea Sun 08-Dec-13 02:32:19

oh, cheer up love!wink

I bloody hate that.
and "all the same in a hundred years"

fuck off! and stayed fucked off for a hundered years then! angry

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Sun 08-Dec-13 02:40:58

I was a very serious Goth for years. I found the best response to "it might never happen" was, "it already has" with a death stare. Wankers.

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 02:52:41

'They should keep their pie holes shut.'

Love pie holes.

Nobody's told me to shut me cake 'ole in years.

It's not right.

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 02:53:56

I was a goth too MrsT grin

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Sun 08-Dec-13 02:58:10

I can well believe that Agent well believe that. grin sorry angry would be the right face.

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 03:17:11

There's a goth couple who live up the road from us, and they're fucking gorgeous envy

To have my time again, they've got it made with all the pandering to them on ebay/amazon grin

AmIthatTinselly Sun 08-Dec-13 03:19:48

I too have a face, which in repose looks scowling.

I have said to people before "would you rather I wandered around with a big grin on my face"

I think those that say it are clueless fuckwits and should be pitied. Certainly not something to worry about.

I still get this and have tried a couple of different approaches

Firstly, I have tried the "how do you know it hasn't already happened". which has resulted in a shameful mumble and sloping off of fucker

I have also tried the "Sorry, what did you say, I didn't catch that" which has had either resulted in a mumble and slope off, and a chorus of laughter from bystanders. Win-win for me, whatever

Monty27 Sun 08-Dec-13 03:30:19

'Cheer up, it might never happen' is even worse. grrrr angry

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 03:40:07

But you should be grateful that you've been noticed Monty.

That your state of mind is of such concern to someone else.

That must be what they're thinking though, that they're somehow doing you a favour by sharing their annoying as fuck sparkle, that you'll suddenly have a revelation and a warm feeling that the world's not as bad as all that.

Aww, actually, if they were trying to lighten someone's load by trying to make them feel less alone, that'd be quite nice thing to do wouldn't it?

Friginilla Sun 08-Dec-13 03:41:49

Just had it now!
why does someone walking past lone lady waiting for a taxi feel the need to do or say anything?
He Just pointed at me and said smile... Twat!
does baring your teeth at someone count as a smile?grin

AgentZigzag Sun 08-Dec-13 03:43:53

Depends on whether you growled or not Frig grin

Friginilla Sun 08-Dec-13 04:10:00

I was tempted!
My half drunken brain was too busy thinking "I must find that thread about this and have a go because I forgot how fucking annoying it is'

CynicalandSmug Sun 08-Dec-13 04:21:41

This is one of my all time rage inducing comments, still get it now. I must look such a miserable cow. Sorry middle aged men, I refuse to walk around with a permanent smile just to make you happy. I respond with either a raised eyebrow and a look of contempt, or the day my beloved aunt died a 'fuck off'.

sonlypuppyfat Sun 08-Dec-13 04:24:38

Bastards who thinks its ok to say this I used to work in a shop and had this said to me all the time are you supposed to stand with a great big grin on your face just to please them. And yes the you look tired one, I stopped seeing a friend once she used to love to say that.

Chottie Sun 08-Dec-13 05:04:02

I would reply, to 'cheer up it may never happen' with 'it just has, you spoke to me'

I did not realise it is still doing the rounds either. What is it with all these middle aged men?

YANBU. This last happened to me when I was on my way home from work after learning that my Gran had just died. I just don't understand why the Public Gurning Commitee don't cover these possibilities in their training.

Squiffyagain Sun 08-Dec-13 06:37:11

God, yes, used to gt that one all the time.
My stock response was always "fuck off, arsehole"

BlousyMumsyTwat Sun 08-Dec-13 06:49:37

YABU.

Not all of us choose to wallow in misery.

I HATE this. Always happens to me and I'm not even particularly grumpy looking.

bragmatic Sun 08-Dec-13 07:31:45

Most of the time, we're just going about our day, and would like to be left alone to do so, Blousy.

MadAsFish Sun 08-Dec-13 08:40:47

Not all of us choose to wallow in misery.

hmm

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 08-Dec-13 08:49:04

It happened to me a lot in my teens and twenties. I just have a naturally miserable face in repose.
I could never think of a smart answer.
It never happens now as I'm in my 50's and invisible.

SamU2 Sun 08-Dec-13 09:05:56

I get this all the time.

I always look moody even when I am not.

Mishmashofstyles Sun 08-Dec-13 09:32:09

Mid thirties now, I don't get this any more. Yay!

YANBU at all, it's bloody annoying and completely unnecessary.

I got, 'smile love, you look so miserable'

I was counting out his 10 sugars he requested. Why would i smile whilst counting out 10 sugars grr.

He got quite a look. Arsehole.

When I'm working, i get it at least 4 times a shift. You need to smile when your mopping a floor don't ya know!

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 08-Dec-13 10:07:17

I was cheery until I saw you coming this way.

Mia4 Sun 08-Dec-13 10:16:22

YADNU OP. And why is it mainly women that seem to get it? I just asked DP and his DCs who have stayed over, they never get that at all.

southeastastra Sun 08-Dec-13 10:20:10

hate this too, also get it from my sister (of all people) miserable is my neutral face, can't help it. it's annoying

OhWellWhatToDo Sun 08-Dec-13 11:04:58

My DSil got told this. She was walking out of the hospital where her husband had died. (I mean, especially in a hospital, where 'it' is more likely to have just happened, who says it?)

To be honest, I'm surprised she didn't kill him violently, she was just too exhausted. I'm still fucking angry on her behalf angry

EmmaFreudsGivingMeJip Sun 08-Dec-13 13:13:57

I get this all the time, I have a bitchy resting face. It's always men who say 'cheer up love, give us a smile' oh do fuck off. My friend told me that people ask how she is friends with me as I look unaproachable and a bit scary grin haha. I can't help it, it's just my face and I haven't the motivation to walk around inanely grinning.
I am quite a happy person as a rule, believe it or not.

No, I think it's the height of rudeness to tell someone to Fuck Off if they say "Cheer Up"

If I was walking along with any member of my family and they said "Cheer Up" and they were told to F* Off I'd be furious.

Jusy ignore.
Or look away.
But My God , what an obscenely vicious world we live in if a stranger cannot pass on a couple of (ill timed ) words of comfort < eh?

TeamJavert Sun 08-Dec-13 13:22:10

I hate it. It's so bloody patronising,and said almost exclusively by men to women.

I had some idiot say it to me on a bus once,and I said "If I look like this,it probably has already happened." Not a great comeback,but 'it' had indeed just happened. My grandmother had died. But he made that stupid 'oooh' noise when I said it,as though I was in the wrong.

TeamJavert Sun 08-Dec-13 13:24:00

What the hell is at all comforting about being told to cheer up? It's rude and dismissive of one's feelings? It's also usually none of their bloody business.

CailinDana Sun 08-Dec-13 13:37:59

I just look past them as if I've heard something but they're invisible. It really works. They want attention. If you reply, even rudely, they get what they want. Just pretending they don't exist totally cuts them dead.

Dollslikeyouandme Sun 08-Dec-13 13:45:28

Well I'm so glad it's not just me, I used to get this constantly, made me furious.

Yanbu, only a complete pig ignorant shithead would say this.

AmIthatTinselly Sun 08-Dec-13 13:46:35

Words of comfort? confused Seriously

Dollslikeyouandme Sun 08-Dec-13 13:47:25

In fact we should be allowed to carry a bag of stones to throw at men who say this.

ExcuseTypos Sun 08-Dec-13 13:47:55

I got told this when paying for petrol. I'd just dropped my dd (17) off at the church yard so she could visit her best friend who'd died 2 weeks before.

I really wanted to tell him why I was miserable. I thought the shock of it might stop him saying the same thing to someone else, but I just couldn't.

mrsjay Sun 08-Dec-13 13:52:00

I have a dour face i never look happy and it really pisses me off cheer up hen it will never happen well it just did you idiot you decided it was ok to tell me to cheer up angry I am a lovely person really just never look all that happy but why do they do it, and ime it is usually men who do say it

NigellasLeftNostril Sun 08-Dec-13 13:52:48

funnily enough this was said to me for the first time in years by someone at the garage where i was buying petrol - as I am not even of shaggable age any longer it was a blast from the past, as I recalled how FUCKING annoying it used to be.
in reply I went into a long monologue about how I was just thinking and worried about something, about how I am starting to look just like my dad, and asked his opinion on whether I should get some botox treatment, etc etc
By the time I had finished and paid for my petrol he was looking slightly worried himself....
grin that'll larn 'im

limitedperiodonly Sun 08-Dec-13 14:09:12

I got this last week. He was driving so I stopped at the kerb. He waved me over, which was nice, so I waved thanks.

Then he said: 'Give us a smile, love.'

By strange coincidence I had just been told my mum was dying and I was hurrying home to do some vital things so I could return that night and then go to the hospital to watch her die. What are the odds, eh?

I wondered if I'd make it but it had to be done. She held on for two days so at least I was there.

I don't think he meant to be nasty. So I can't say I was angry. But I am baffled that he wouldn't think: 'Ooh! Woman with sad face. Maybe she's just had some bad news. I'll just wave her over and keep my mouth shut.'

I couldn't be bothered to tell him to fuck off because my grief is far bigger than any annoyance could be. But if I had, he'd have deserved it for being so fucking stupid.

His behaviour was strange enough, but I'm even more baffled to read that someone thinks that would have been unkind of me to swear at him confused

LaBelleMadameManchotSansMerci Sun 08-Dec-13 16:12:32

YANBU. No one has the right to tell someone how to feel. I can't see how being ordered to cheer up or smile could possibly make anyone feel better.

I used to pass a man sitting on a bench on the way home from work three afternoons a week. Every time he would shout at me to smile and cheer up. Every time I had actually been feeling quite cheery until he shouted at me. I just ignored him.

In the school holidays I went that way with the dcs. He shouted at me as usual. I ignored him as usual until he said to my nine year old, "Is that your mother you need to tell her to cheer up." I said "You need to stop being so rude." Because I didn't want my ds to think it was ok for people to speak to us like that. The man started mumbling defensively.

A few days later we went that way again. The dcs were running ahead being Jedis. When they passed the man he said "All right lads?" They went quiet. He said "Even the boys aren't smiling." I gave him the deathstare and said "They were until you spoke to them." And walked on. He's not been on that bench when I've passed since.

The irony is he had the grumpiest most miserable looking face I've ever seen.

lurkerspeaks Sun 08-Dec-13 17:13:11

I had a really shit time a year ago. My Mum was dying and there were multiple other stressors going on in my life. I was in a real state and just about managing to function (crying on the sofa was my default activity, having a shower was a major achievement, going to work in my responsible professional job was far beyond me).

One of the checkout operators in my local supermarket took it upon himself to tell me to "cheer up" when I ventured in to buy some food (also a significant achievement at the time).

I'm afraid I outlined exactly all the reasons I was looking glum and why "cheer up" was entirely inappropriate.

I then somewhat ruined the effect by bursting into tears and fleeing to my car.

lurkerspeaks Sun 08-Dec-13 17:15:43

Ironically one of my neighbours works in that shop (I worked in another branch as a student) and she and one of my old colleagues who is now the floor supervisor of the branch in question came to find me in the car park to check I was OK.

Definitely not what either I or he had intended. I bet he doesn't say it anymore though!

expatinscotland Sun 08-Dec-13 17:23:38

Fuck off and bite me is my response.

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