To be annoyed? Or am I being pathetic??

(105 Posts)
2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:02:47

DD6 went to a birthday party this weekend and when I was dropping her off the party mum asked her what she would like to eat out of 3 options and what she'd like to drink out of Coke, Diet Coke, Fanta and Sprite. I said she's not really allowed/into fizzy drinks, party mum said fine she can have something else. DH picked her up and she was very happy as she'd had coke, I feel quite pissed off as we've got this far without going down the coke route and typically she loved it, I guess I need a grip as she's not a baby but it aggravates me. At least it wasn't diet coke I suppose, hate that crap

perplexedpirate Sun 01-Dec-13 21:05:59

How do you know she had coke? If it was just her telling you, could she be mistaken? Maybe they gave her something else and called it coke?

Thesimplethings Sun 01-Dec-13 21:06:13

Yanbu she asked - you told her. I would be annoyed too.

However. Did she sneak it when host wasn't looking? Also you said she's not 'really' allowed those drinks... Maybe you should have said she is not allowed those, please give her x instead

WaffilyVersatile Sun 01-Dec-13 21:06:50

Yes its utter garbage but it was a party.. I would just let it go

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:08:43

Yes I think maybe I was a bit too wishy washy, just didn't want to embarrass her apparently fizzy drinks are the norm in her class. I'm pretty sure that her friends would have told her it wasn't coke if it wasn't Iyswim

puntasticusername Sun 01-Dec-13 21:08:45

I think the party parents were being UR by only providing fizzy drink options, but - I'd let it go myself, as a one-off it won't kill her. She was always going to discover the stuff someday!

My DS went to a party today and was allowed to eat as many chocolate fingers as he wanted (after lining his stomach with cheese and ham sandwiches, grapes and cucumber and carrot sticks), it's cool, he knows that party food is special and we don't eat the same way at home.

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:09:05

But my baby waaaah

Cleorapter Sun 01-Dec-13 21:11:28

I don't think you're being unreasonable, my DD hasn't had any fizzy drinks and she's 8. blush

alwaysneedaholiday Sun 01-Dec-13 21:12:38

I agree with puntastic that something else should have been on offer, but I really wouldn't be upset about a one-off slip! She is 6, not 1. I'm sure she won't be demanding Coke for breakfast in the morning smile

puntasticusername Sun 01-Dec-13 21:12:45

thanks I know, must be upsetting for you that this happened out of your sight and control.

I'll say again, though - did you actually expect her to get to the age of, what 18 without discovering fizzy drinks?

Shallistopnow Sun 01-Dec-13 21:15:58

Is she 6 or the 6th DD? I met a little girl called Six once because she was the 6th child.

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:17:11

I really don't know Pun 6 just seems so young to me but maybe I'm being a fuddy duddy

PrincessWellington Sun 01-Dec-13 21:17:49

Ds is 9 and has never had one! His choice though

CailinDana Sun 01-Dec-13 21:21:40

Do people really worry about things as insignificant as this? Is it a way of avoiding thinking about the real dangers in the world?

SunshineMMum Sun 01-Dec-13 21:21:50

YABU we have allowed it as a treat and actually we wish we hadn't, as it is full of nasties and bad for teeth. Wouldn't have hurt to offer water oe squash.

SunshineMMum Sun 01-Dec-13 21:22:31

I am on form today YANBU I meant.

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:24:54

I wouldn't say I was worried Callin more aggravated, dangers of the world, now what would they be grin haribo??

dawntigga Sun 01-Dec-13 21:25:48

::passes a grip to the OP:: As the mother of The Cub (4 yrs old) who isn't allowed cola/fizzy drinks, if he had one at a party I would not be in the least bit concerned. FFS they haven't given your child crack! If you make food/drinks a thing it will ALWAYS be a thing.


pictish Sun 01-Dec-13 21:28:42

I'd let it go if I were you. Unless you were going for a competitive parenting world record in oldest age child can get to without having a fizzy drink, then this one off shouldn't be a concern to you at all.

CoffeeTea103 Sun 01-Dec-13 21:28:57

Ffs get a grip, if this worries you I wonder how you will cope when the important stuff happens. She will survive confused

CailinDana Sun 01-Dec-13 21:29:46

I think you have to accept that if you allow your child to go to parties then you can't control them while they're there. Plus it's a bit much to expect a parent to police everything every child eats and drinks. You're getting aggravated for nothing really.

YANBU, I'm with you on this one.
Why ask if they weren't going to heed the answer?
I don't allow my DCs fizzy drinks, but DS2 was given some by EXP's sister. He refused it as the bubbles shocked him, he had never experienced anything like it before.
I am pretty strict with DCs diets, and I have found that if I ever do relent and allow them something for a special occasion (eg bonfire toffee on bonfire night) they go on and on and on about it and say "but you let us have it before!!"

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:32:17

Again, aggravated not worried. Is my post full of hysterical worries about what's going to happen to her now she's tried coke? Will she fall Ill in the night boo hoo etc?. As for competitive parenting, what my DCs drink has bugger all to do with anyone else and I don't give a damn what other people give theirs

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:33:27

I didn't ask her to 'police' her just not give her a fizzy drink, it was party mum that gave it to her

BettyFlour Sun 01-Dec-13 21:33:38

Sorry but if you're dropping your child off at a oarty and not staying then that's your fault for not being there to supervise what she's doing/drinking/eating.

If you stay then you can supervise. If you're happy to drop her off, then you're happy for your 6 year old to decide at a party what she can eat or drink.

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:35:16

She didn't decide, that was the drink she was given. I wouldn't be annoyed if they hadn't expressly asked me

NoComet Sun 01-Dec-13 21:35:32

Get a life
It's a party!

CailinDana Sun 01-Dec-13 21:36:26

Diana do you not think that by turning sweets etc into something so unobtainable that you're just making them more desirable? My 3 year old ds has tasted a lot of sweet things but doesn't crave them at all - he wil often turn down a biscuit/sweet in favour of fruit or bread. In fact we tried to motivate him for potty training using sweets and he's so blase about sweets it didn't work at all!

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:36:27

Helpful as ever Starball thanks

pictish Sun 01-Dec-13 21:36:59

Party mum probably completely forgot what you said, in the clamour of hosting a kids party. Forget it!

RedLondonBus Sun 01-Dec-13 21:38:46

dear lord! shock

MammaTJ Sun 01-Dec-13 21:38:49

I would say go for the sprite in future, it being the lesser of the evils.

I would not be happy at being lied to though, and that requires direct discussion!!

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Sun 01-Dec-13 21:40:24

Where was the party?

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:42:14

A tour of a fizzy drinks factory

Xmasbaby11 Sun 01-Dec-13 21:43:01

YABU. She was bound to have it sooner or later. Time to let her make her own mind up a bit more often?

pictish Sun 01-Dec-13 21:44:51

Ok - next time you see her, march up to her and and snap "what did I tell you about NO FIZZY JUICE?" and then dunt her in the face with a head of broccoli.

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:44:52

Yes I think so Xmasbaby

WorraLiberty Sun 01-Dec-13 21:46:24

Oh goodness me, I don't know why you've even given this a second thought OP.

It was a drink of coke at a party.

Anyone would think she'd sniffed a line

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:46:29

Er I don't think I mentioned anything about 'confronting' the mother? I seem to be typing things without realising it! Coke is not fizzy juice HTH

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:47:22

Why would anyone think she'd sniffed a line? Is my OP hysterical?

pictish Sun 01-Dec-13 21:47:38

Well what do you want us to say?
These things happen.

HairyPotter Sun 01-Dec-13 21:50:03

Does your dd know she isn't allowed fizzy drinks? One of my dd2's friends isn't allowed it either, but if offered always asks for water.

It could have been another person handing out drinks who didn't realise she wasn't to have fizzy stuff. Did you ask her why she drank it? At 6 she is old enough to know your rules.

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:51:37

Just a reasoned response to my comments thanks Pictish I'm more than willing to hear I'm BU, in fact I suspected it myself but its crap to say I won't be able to deal with the 'real dangers of the world' and I'm a competitive parent (if only you knew)

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:52:52

She drank it as according to her everyone else in the class drinks it, oh well

DirtyDancingCleanLiving Sun 01-Dec-13 21:53:35

A tour of a fizzy drinks factory


WorraLiberty Sun 01-Dec-13 21:54:34

'Sniffing a line' was a joke...

But while you don't sound exactly 'hysterical' are being quite weird and OTT about one drink had on a special occasion.

everlong Sun 01-Dec-13 21:54:49

Wot worra said.

pictish Sun 01-Dec-13 21:55:33

I said unless you are a competitive parent in a ridiculous context so you would know I wasn't being serious....come are being very defensive...and you asked!

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:56:54

OTT grin maybe I should beat her to death with broccoli live up to my new rep

Only1scoop Sun 01-Dec-13 21:57:03

Are you 'fizzing' about this or just lightly 'bubbling' wink

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 21:59:15

smile I want to let out a soda stream of obscenities

whois Sun 01-Dec-13 21:59:38

Do people really worry about things as insignificant as this? Is it a way of avoiding thinking about the real dangers in the world?

You pretty much. Get a grip OP, it's coke the drink not coke to snort. A one off drink of coke at a party isn't going to undo all your fantastic parenting FFS.

Only1scoop Sun 01-Dec-13 22:00:29


pictish Sun 01-Dec-13 22:00:29 slay me with your sparkling wit. grin

Preciousbane Sun 01-Dec-13 22:02:02

I hate fizzy drinks but honestly it is fine.

DH auntie put all her dc on a macrobiotic diet for years and it sounds bloody miserable. As soon as her dc got access to money they were always down at Mc Donald's stuffing their faces. DH used to smuggle sausage rolls to his cousin when he went visiting when they were little.

Forbidden coke fruit and all that

junkfoodaddict Sun 01-Dec-13 22:03:18

You do realise that she gave your daughter a COLA drink and not actually COKE???
It's a drink, fair enough not the healthiest, but really, you're worrying over a COLA drink?????? Do you really expect her to go through her entire life being shielded from everything deemed unhealthy?
Is she allowed to breathe our air or do you put her in some sort of mask and suit her up with purified air because I really do think there are other things to be worried about rather than a one-off, party drink.

pictish Sun 01-Dec-13 22:03:32

I have a a five year old and a four year old and neither of them have ever had fizzy drinks - but only because neither of them like the bubbles. Our 12 yr old does though. Everything in moderation and all that.

WorraLiberty Sun 01-Dec-13 22:04:05

Thing is if you make fizzy drinks/sweets etc the anti-Christ...instead of the occasional treat that they are, your DD will probably be far more interested in them than the rest of the class.

Teaching your kids about moderation is probably one of the best things you can do for them.

Floggingmolly Sun 01-Dec-13 22:04:06

None of my kids have ever to my knowledge had carbonated drinks.
But then; when they go to parties I don't actually demand a copy of the menu in advance, so they may well have had when I wasn't looking.
It really isn't an issue for me.
They all eldest is 12 have perfect teeth, not a single filling between them.

Fakebook Sun 01-Dec-13 22:04:08

Bloody hell. It's coke...not vodka. Even my one year old is allowed the occasional coke. I really don't get this whole melodramatics about children and fizzy drinks or cakes and sweets. It won't kill them to have it occasionally.

junkfoodaddict Sun 01-Dec-13 22:04:17

Sorry whois crossed post.

mercibucket Sun 01-Dec-13 22:05:28

6 is old enough to know what she is and isn't allowed to have

party parents will have been rushed off their feet. non important details (no allergies or religious objections) forgotten

you need to 'train' your dd better if it is that important to you. as parents do with, for instance, pork for religious reasons. or accept it's not that big a deal

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 22:05:54

Phew you've set my mind at ease whois just when I thought all was lost along came you with reassurance.

gobbynorthernbird Sun 01-Dec-13 22:07:05

Your daughter could have refused the drink, after all, it takes two to Tango.

My DC aren't allowed Coke but DD had some at a party (I think they had a McD carry out and it was a general drinks on the table thing). She told me about it , said it was "quite nice" and that was it.
She hasn't drunk it since, no problem.

She's going on a school trip (and a McD) and there was a choice form to fill in.
Drinks were Coke/Diet Coke/Fanta.
But I suppose if anyone is that worried they can give their DC a bottle of water.

lougle Sun 01-Dec-13 22:09:05

Aww don't worry, OP. If she had a 200 ml glass of coke, she only had 9 teaspoons of sugar in her glass grin

DoJo Sun 01-Dec-13 22:09:48

Did you say she wasn't allowed them or wasn't into them? Because if it came across as more the latter, then it just sounds as though it's because of her preferences that she doesn't really drink them, then I can see why they wouldn't have tried to enforce it if she had decided she wanted one.

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 22:10:06

She is allowed sweets just to stop you all worrying about her it's just coke I don't like as its such crap, I was slightly annoyed that they ignored me after they asked but as I said I thought I was being pathetic and needed a grip and now I'm hysterical and unconcerned about all the worlds ills

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 22:11:02

grin at gobby maybe a child that doesn't drink coke is just a FANTAsy

MrsDeVere Sun 01-Dec-13 22:11:33

We don't give our DCs fizzy drinks and I try and avoid them at parties etc.
But if they manage to sneak one in I don't get upset.

The problem with fizzy drinks is really only when they become a regular habit.

It is hard to keep the right balance. If you ban them even at parties they become like the holy bloody grail and kids will do everything they can to get them.

But I don't think YABU for not wanting your DD to drink them.

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 22:11:52

Good point DoJo

nicky2512 Sun 01-Dec-13 22:13:47

yaNbu. DD is 11 and only drinks water. This is by choice now that she is older. She doesn't like anything else! When smaller it would never have occurred to me to give my kids fizzy drinks. However, when DS was about 6 at a school barbeque the kids were all given cans of diet coke. I didn't make any fuss and let him have it, DD just got herself some water. Well, the shame. He was nearly in tears of joy! He had never had anything so good. He went on and on about it for ages. Realised then that totally not allowing something might make it too desirable so he now has a very occasional drink of it.

I put one of my perfect wisdom teeth (that had been extracted) in a glass of full fat Coke overnight to show my DC the results.

(This tooth was one that was impacted so hadn't even erupted through the gum)

It went all beige and fuzzy - my toooooth , my PERFECT tooth.
(Didn't even get a bloody £1 for it, had it removed pre DC)

Did they appreciate it?
Probably not sad

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 22:16:33

I think I'd feel better about it if she tried it and not liked it but she loved it, typical smile

bluecheeseforbreakfast Sun 01-Dec-13 22:17:59

Yabu, the party mum might have had children with real dietary requirements such as allergies or diabetes to consider. If she has to consider every parent's vague preference she would end up with much more of a job on her hands.

As you feel so strongly about your child not having coke I would mention it when you RSVP to parties in the future so the hosts can be prepared.

MapofTassie Sun 01-Dec-13 22:18:02

As lougle said, she only had 9 teaspoons of sugar in the one glass - assuming that's all she drank.
As an aside, DH got a piece of lamb stuck in his throat recently - the hospital dissolved it by giving him a can of Coke to drink. Apparently the stuff is so acidic it can dissolve meat.
Did no-one do the experiment by putting dirty copper coins into Coke and bringing them out clean and shiny? What does it do to your insides?

2Tiredtocare Sun 01-Dec-13 22:21:39

I'll be sure to do that Blue. I drank a lot of coke when I was young my teeth were absolutely ruined as I was unfortunate enough to have weak enamel anyway so I suppose that's what makes me me anti coke but I will take my grip and loosen it

BlueStones Sun 01-Dec-13 22:24:00

Well, in fairness to Coke you're not meant to hold it in your mouth overnight so I'm not sure the tooth/coin experiments are relevant (though cool in a sciencey way). Fruit is very acidic too.

500internalerror Sun 01-Dec-13 22:24:50

Sorry if this has been asked, but was it at a party venue eg soft play? Ie a set menu from which to choose? Many only have fizzy drinks with the kids meals eg lazerquest.

DIYapprentice Sun 01-Dec-13 22:26:59

Apparently the pH level of soft drinks will kill off loads of bugs and viruses in the stomach, so just be reassured that she is unlikely to fall ill from any slightly off food. You know, silver linings and all that....

bluecheeseforbreakfast Sun 01-Dec-13 22:27:26

2 tired, I was never given coke as a child and I had shockingly bad teeth, I think sometimes you get the unfortunate gift of crap teeth.

If you wanted to give your dd something fizzy that wasn't coke maybe fizzy elderflower would be a good occasional treat, or fizzy water with a dash of orange juice smile

CailinDana Sun 01-Dec-13 22:28:49

Potatoes are far worse for your teeth than sugary drinks.

CailinDana Sun 01-Dec-13 22:30:35

Oh and I have never liked fizzy drinks yet every molar and premolar in my mouth has a filling sad

We are at the stage now that DS 1 is 16 and went to a party recently where the girls were drinking vodka.Makes me long for the days where fizzy drinks seemed hardcore.

starlight1234 Sun 01-Dec-13 22:33:11

On the one hand YANBU ..she did ask..My DS is 6 and I never ask any parent what a child wants to eat..I ask the child...Policing drinks at a 6 year olds party would be bottom of my list unless there was a child with allergies.
Whilst NBU as she asked you also have to let it go IMO...As it is a party what they do elsewhere doesn't mean they expect to do it at home..My son tried fizzy orange once he loved it but fogot about 3 days later.

Hi 2tired.

Yanbu to be annoyed. You were assured that she would be given X but she was given Y against your express wishes.

The impact of the incident is probably minor, in this instance but I'd be a bit disgruntled that someone had not respected my choices. It may not be important to party mum, but it is important to you.

ThoughtsPlease Sun 01-Dec-13 22:35:56

Perhaps the Mum forgot when it came to handing out drinks, I expect she was busy.

Maybe when asked DD said 'coke please' so that is what she was given.

But probably not worth following up, I meant to add.

How the dickens are potatoes worse than fizzy drinks confused
I know crisps are bad because they stick...................

2Tiredtocare Mon 02-Dec-13 06:16:38

Isn't vodka made out of potatoes grin

Sparklymommy Mon 02-Dec-13 06:38:40

In all honesty I think you just need to calm down. Fruit juice is just as bad as coke for teeth. And if you listen to the dentist your children would die of malnutrition with the amount of things your not supposed to give them.

I understand op is pissed off. She expressly said no fizzy and was ignored. But in the grand scheme of things it really isn't that important.

How forbidden is it? My kids didn't have fizzy drinks until quite old - I don't like them for kids, but they weren't expressly forbidden- & hated them for a long time because they tasted so odd. They would have asked for something else at a party and refused anything fizzy. Had fizzy drinks been forbidden I suspect they would have taken every party opportunity to guzzle them down.

Now they love fizzy drinks & will go straight for them at parties, but given it's not long before ds2 will be being offered alcohol at parties I can't get my knickers in a twist about it.

My advice would be to not ban anything unless there's a medical reason or its consumption would be illegal.

diddl Mon 02-Dec-13 06:53:36

I'm with you to be annoyed, OP.

Doesn't anyone offer water??

freshsweetberry Mon 02-Dec-13 10:14:14

Coke is full of caffeine and really not good for kids at all! I understand it's a party and busy, but for things like this, where it could easily cause headache.heart palpitations i think they need to listen.

wordfactory Mon 02-Dec-13 10:17:30

If you leave your child with a virtual stranger, then you cannot expect them to adhere to your dietry constraints unless medical issues are involved; diabetics, allergies etc and even then it is an act of faith.

If you wantt o control your DC, then you must stay with her.

SaucyJack Mon 02-Dec-13 10:21:55

I don't like my DDs having caffeine either, but as Sprite and Fanta were both available I would've just chosen one of those instead.

The odd lemonade at a party really isn't a big deal.

BalloonSlayer Mon 02-Dec-13 10:31:25

My DCs didn't like fizzy drinks for ages. They wouldn't touch them.
DS1 was about 11 when he first started having them.

Now at 13 he seems almost addicted to Diet Coke and we have to lock it in the car or he will drink the lot. confused

It was amazing - went from one can now and then, to one a day, to "where has all the coke gone?" and finding all the empty cans stashed in his room in a matter of months.

TBH though caffeine doesn't seem to affect him much (extremely dozy individual at the best of times). He has food allergies so obviously has extreme reactions to some foods, yet colourings, sugar, caffeine don't even seem to affect him in the way they do me, which I think is odd.

Mind you, I think it is may possibly be just the teenagery over-indulgence behaviour rather than addiction. He doesn't get tetchy if there isn't any and has been known to mass-consume sweets/crisps as well.

2Tinsellytocare Mon 02-Dec-13 12:29:42

Er word my DD has known her DD since they were 3 so hardly a virtual stranger, don't let the facts get in the way of your posting though will you

ShinyBauble Mon 02-Dec-13 13:14:48

Why are so many people telling the OP to stop being hysterical when she appears totally calm? There seem to be a lot of jangled pre-Christmas nerves on MN today grin

Instead of projecting, make your own threads!

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Mon 02-Dec-13 13:56:42

Blimey. It's a glass of coke at a party, not Agent Orange grin

PerpendicularVincePies Mon 02-Dec-13 14:06:54

I agree with Shiny, you don't seem hysterical at all Tired, and are taking the criticism in good humour.

YANBU to be a little irritated that your wishes for your child weren't taken into account. As Feline said, if something is important to you then people should respect that.

A can of coke certainly isn't the end of the world though, but I'm sure you know that wink

PeppiNephrine Mon 02-Dec-13 14:16:30

How are potatoes bad for your teeth? I call bullshit

2Tinsellytocare Mon 02-Dec-13 14:22:17

Thanks perp and shiny. She doesnt seem to be suffering any hideous side effects grin

PerpendicularVincePies Mon 02-Dec-13 14:32:00

Are you sure Tinselly? I'd check her on an hourly basis just in case grin

I like your Christmas NN

2Tinsellytocare Mon 02-Dec-13 14:52:54

I would but on e again I've farmed her out to 'virtual strangers' aka school

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