to expect clean sheets if invited to stay?

(58 Posts)
baggyoldcow Fri 22-Nov-13 09:41:48

How would you handle this?
You are invited by a friend to stay at their house, "please stay, please stay, we've plenty of room etc, etc". That's very kind of them, of course. So you go, and then they put you in the spare bedroom where the bed has clearly been slept in by someone else and the sheets not changed.
This has happened to us a couple of times (not with the same hosts). I find it very odd as I would never invite someone to stay if I didn't have the time or energy or inclination to offer them a clean bed!
Is it unreasonable to feel put out by this, given they are putting us up?
Is it unreasonable to say something? (Any suggestions as to what?)
Is it unreasonable to wash the sheets oneself while hosts are out?! wink

SharpLily Fri 22-Nov-13 09:43:38

shock That's manky. Sheets MUST be clean.


SirChenjin Fri 22-Nov-13 09:44:39

YANBU - tha bare minimum is washed the sheets, fresh towels and a clean loo if you have visitors to stay, surely??

Clean sheets are a must, why wouldn't you change the sheets? Takes about 5 minutes.

eurochick Fri 22-Nov-13 09:47:03

That's manky!

Our spare room is in constant use at the moment as we have frequent weekend guests and BIL is staying with us in the week while he finds a house closer to his new job. It's a bit like running a B&B with 2-3 extra loads of sheet and towels per week, but there is no way I would have it otherwise!

EverybodysStressyEyed Fri 22-Nov-13 09:50:22

You strip the bed and make a joke about them being busy so youve helped out and where can you find the clean sheets

It's rank and they are bad hosts!

This has only happened to me once but i did speak uo and ask for clean sheets

AngelsLieToKeepControl Fri 22-Nov-13 09:52:27

I had worse. I stayed at a family members and was expected to sleep in a bed where someone had clearly started their period and when I mentioned it I was told 'it's only a bit of blood, sleep on the other side'.

Sadly that wasn't the most disgusting thing I encountered that weekend, I've never been back to visit.

Oh my gosh angels that is vile.

baggyoldcow Fri 22-Nov-13 10:04:40

It's unbelievable, isn't it? I mean if you can't be arsed to change the sheets why invite people?

Angels that is appalling.

Trills Fri 22-Nov-13 10:06:12

YANBU at all.

HeirToTheIronThrone Fri 22-Nov-13 10:06:59

Hmm. I will admit that, if the spare bed has only been slept in for one night by one person - my DM for example - and there is someone else coming to stay soon after, I do tend to air and smooth it out and remake it... But anything other than the 1 and 1 policy and I would always change the sheets!

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret Fri 22-Nov-13 10:07:42

I'm the laziest housekeeper in the world, or thought I was until this. But even I would change sheets/out clean towels out etc.

Angel, what else did you encounter??

Crowler Fri 22-Nov-13 10:09:28

That's so gross. Sleeping is an intimate kind of thing. I do not want to be in a bed where anyone has been. Gross.

Trills Fri 22-Nov-13 10:09:35

It also depends on the people, their relationship to one another, and how much you think they would care.

If my mum had slept in a bed for one night, and then my brother was coming to stay, that might be OK.

If my brother had slept in a bed for one night, and then someone unrelated was coming to stay, I would definitely change the sheets.

MintyChops Fri 22-Nov-13 10:11:43

So lazy and thoughtless/dirty.

Angels that is dreadful

EverybodysStressyEyed Fri 22-Nov-13 10:12:35

My bil and sil had slept in the bed before us and mil thought it would be ok as they arefamily. Er, no thanks. Especially as they were going throught their 'at it like rabbits' phase. Bleurgh

Bumpsadaisie Fri 22-Nov-13 10:14:30

yanbu. This is horrid!

Perhaps I wouldn't mind if it were my sister's bed and she told me she'd only slept in it a couple of times. But otherwise NO!

AngelsLieToKeepControl Fri 22-Nov-13 10:17:43

areyou I warn you, it is disgusting.

They had a large breed dog, and no garden, they had a room in the house where the dog would go to shit, apparently they just ripped the carpet up every few months and replaced it. I went to put dishes in the dishwasher and it was fill of mouldy plates, last but not least I went to top up their electric meter, when I opened the cupboard a swarm of flies flew out, there was a decomposed rat or mouse in there. It must have been in there for weeks, if not longer.

MoreGin Fri 22-Nov-13 10:28:34

Ewww god no. Imagine the dribble on the pillow for starters.

Crowler Fri 22-Nov-13 10:36:08

Angels! This house needs to be condemned! I hope you don't go back.

<faints at thought of dead rat>

Crowler Fri 22-Nov-13 10:36:42

MoreGin - I'm feeling a bit delicate today so please no more of that. :-)

PosyNarker Fri 22-Nov-13 10:37:05

To be honest, I'd just say 'where are your sheets, I'll change the bed' as though I thought they just hadn't got round to it.

angels why did you stay? I would have left after one of those discoveries!

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret Fri 22-Nov-13 10:43:19

Oh good lord, angels! So the bloody sheets were nothing in the scheme of things shock

Rockinhippy Fri 22-Nov-13 10:44:57

YADNBU, i wouldnt dream of doing this, your friends are skanks - yuk

AngelsLieToKeepControl Fri 22-Nov-13 11:01:47

I stayed for one night, I was staying because I was visiting a relative in hospital and had nowhere else to go, it was quite far away from where I live, if I had known what it was like I would never have gone.

I literally sat up all night, I spent the whole time imagining (although I might not have imagined it) things scuttling around and thinking I had bugs hopping on me.

They keep asking me to visit with the kids now, I keep politely declining. I genuinely don't think they see anything wrong with where they live. It really surprised me because their car is always immaculate and they are always really well turned out too.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret Fri 22-Nov-13 11:16:40

Fur coat and nae knickers as my Scottish mum would say

HectorVector Fri 22-Nov-13 11:23:01

Eurgh I don't understand people like this. It's basic cleanliness and being a good host. No one wants to sleep in someone else's sheets (even if it was only 1 night).

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 22-Nov-13 11:25:58

Angels that is vile.

I always clean the house and change sheets before anyone stays. I'm a bit funny about it, I hate it if people stay and it's not clean! My mil thinks I'm daft.

TotallyBenHanscom Fri 22-Nov-13 11:50:29

Ugh. The smell of someone's hairspray (or worse, greasy scalp) on the pillow, the dead skin, the pubes, sweat, bogies, dribble. Yuck yuck yuck.

We have two sets of guests that stay frequently, and I have a different set of duvet/pillows for each of them. I do this because I know that I personally wouldn't want to sleep under a duvet that had been regularly shagged under/on! The guests in question, a couple, come for the weekend on a monthly basis. I'm assuming that at some point they have done the deed in the spare room. blush

I always make of point of assuring everyone that stays over that there is clean linen and towels in their room.

However, I haven't always been able to guarantee that there is definitely not a stiff dead mouse under the bed! (cats)

DialsMavis Fri 22-Nov-13 12:01:19

Euggghhhh I have left sheets on for MIL before, when lovely clean SIL (her daughter) has slept i there for one night. But that's about the limit

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 22-Nov-13 12:06:49

I stayed somewhere where this happened, I was fooled into thinking all was well because of the chocolate on the (as it transpired, unchanged) pillow. Nice touch but sadly overshadowed by the long dark hairs on the bedding.

ancelynthecraven Fri 22-Nov-13 12:11:40

Stayed at a friends house and the place was a pit. Hair brushes on work surfaces in the kitchen had head lice on them. Cat food all over the wet room. Dead fleas in the bed we were supposed to sleep in.
My husband was ashamed of the place and his friend really embarrassed.
His wife seemed really proud of the fact that she was a slattern.
I had a detol bath when I got home.


agree with trills though - i had my mum staying one night and then a few days later my dad (they are a couple but were staying overnight at mine on their own for work trips). i put clean sheets on for mum, and then just washed the pillow cases for dad and aired the bed in between. they share a bed normally so this i think is fine. would never do this for non-related guests or after people staying longer than 1-2 nights

DorisShutt Fri 22-Nov-13 12:19:22

Urgh. Sounds horrible to me.

Having said that, BIL stayed at his parents the night before getting married (ex-SIL was staying in their house), we had booked a hotel as their house is tiny.

The night of the wedding we went back to PIL's and DMIL went to go change the bed - at 2am; we told her to stop and just crashed out.

ImaginativeNewName Fri 22-Nov-13 13:08:47

I wouldn't really care if if was just somewhere to crash for the night. Then again I have slept in cars, on manky student sofas, I'm not a fussy sleeper and shouldn't be listened to. grin

fromparistoberlin Fri 22-Nov-13 13:11:06


I have a mate that does this, I ALWAYS take a spare sheet and pillow case when I sat :-)

tolittletoolate Fri 22-Nov-13 14:08:29

My Mum stayed with my sister a while ago and was given a bed to sleep in that had no sheets at all, just a bare mattress!!
Needless to say she hasn't stayed there again.

Asteria Fri 22-Nov-13 15:10:16

I usually leave sheets on until just before guests come to stay, just in case it is the same person coming back! My DH also often ends up in the spare bed if he has had a bout of insomnia and doesn't want me to murder him wake up because he is thrashing about. I'm not going to put fresh sheets on every time he goes in there, but guests get the full pressed linen treatment!!

I once found a massive black pube in a bed I was staying in, I felt grubby for the rest of my stay.

doodlyfiddly Fri 22-Nov-13 15:18:57

Some people really surprise you don't they? This also happened to us - 'please stay, please stay' etc. until we caved.

We were given the bedroom of their 15 yr old son and, it was only as we got into the bed, that the rankness of teenage boy (still don't want to think about what else) leapt up to greet us. YUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

sandfrog Fri 22-Nov-13 15:28:15

YANBU at all.

baggyoldcow Fri 22-Nov-13 15:44:13

ha ha good to hear I'm not alone! I love the dettol bath idea ancelyn

Just remembered that when I was about 10 we went to stay at someone's house while they were away for a week. I was put in the kid's bed and it had pee in it! It was still damp! Ugh.

Amazing the way people you think you know operate.

SatinSandals Fri 22-Nov-13 15:49:25

It has never happened to me so I am not sure how I would handle it. I can't imagine it happening.

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps Fri 22-Nov-13 17:16:42

Anything other than changing the sheets is just utterly rank!

whois Fri 22-Nov-13 18:00:37

I don't totally see the problem with leaving the sheets if there's been one guest one night - in pjs and after a shower, how much damage can they really do to the sheets?

drspouse Fri 22-Nov-13 18:17:57

I do the same as Asteria as my mum comes more often than anyone else.

She is here at the moment but a friend was here on Tuesday and my dad 10 days before that. It is definitely DH's turn to change the sheets now.

BikeRunSki Fri 22-Nov-13 18:25:44

FiL used to stay for a night or two every week or two. I didn't always change the sheets every time he slept in the spare bed. Although I did if someone else was coming in between FiL visits !

Sometimes if I've had my friend over one night and then my mum over the next, I ask her if she minds slightly used sheets. Normally she's fine with it, but I'm always willing to change them if that's what she wants.

daisychain01 Fri 22-Nov-13 18:45:21


The smell ~ ~ ~



JapaneseMargaret Fri 22-Nov-13 18:53:05

Sometimes if I've had my friend over one night and then my mum over the next, I ask her if she minds slightly used sheets. Normally she's fine with it, but I'm always willing to change them if that's what she wants.

Normally she's fine with it. grin So sometimes she's not?

Surely, on that basis, she's really not fine with it, and is only being polite when she says she doesn't mind...?

FrauMoose Fri 22-Nov-13 18:56:18

I'd rather sleep on pure cotton sheets that some other guest had slept on before, than polycotton bedding that had been put on specially for me.

JapaneseMargaret Fri 22-Nov-13 19:15:37

Hopefully you tell your host that as well, so they know exactly what they're dealing with. wink

OrangeJuiceSandwich Fri 22-Nov-13 19:16:15

MIL does the. It's disgusting and lazy. If you can't be bothered to change the sheets don't have guests.

OrangeJuiceSandwich Fri 22-Nov-13 19:17:04

Does this

ProphetOfDoom Fri 22-Nov-13 19:22:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GuffSmuggler Fri 22-Nov-13 19:35:13

Oh the memories as a student of being offered a sofa bed and then have it pulled out in front you with the sheet on it that is obviously left for every dosser that stays (boak).

Oh and when I was a bit older being invited to stay at a friends house and being told which room was mine to find a bare mattress and an old sleeping bag unzipped to sleep under (horrendous).

FrauMoose Fri 22-Nov-13 20:53:29

I'm quite princess-and-the-pea about manmade fibre. So although the ideal is crisp new ironed 100% sheets, I'd settle for ones that had been pre-used. Whereas on some freshelywhisked-through-the machine-and-tumble-dryer-easycare synthetic bedding, I'd be awake half the night.

But I would - I hope - be a polite guest. As long as there was a good book to read, I'd cope with the insomnia.

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