to be fed up of sitting every night next to a sleeping DH?

(41 Posts)
iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 21:52:50

another night where half an hour after eating and sitting on the sofa that DH has fallen asleep, woken after half an hour and decided to get to bed (at 8.30pm!)
We were both up at 5.30am, he was at work by 7am and I got the (4) DC's to school (after feeding dogs, chooks etc) and then to work at 9.30am til 2.45pm then school run, after school clubs, homework, H/Ec prep, DC's dinner and then mine and DH's dinner made .. he comes home at 6pm, having had what he describes as an 'easy day with a good laugh with the lads' and proceeds to tell me in detail (yaawwwnn) I put kids to bath & bed, serve tea, we eat , he sits and falls asleep ..so sat on my own again watching shite on TV and f**ked off AIBU ? its like this 5 nights out of 7

He clearly needs more sleep than you

You need a hobby grin

More time for mums netting?

Writerwannabe83 Thu 14-Nov-13 21:56:38

He sounds like he's taking advantage to me.....

azzbiscuit Thu 14-Nov-13 21:57:02

If he's tired he's tired.. Not sleeping when you're tired is bad for you and reduces life expectancy. As above a hobby is in order...

Dancergirl Thu 14-Nov-13 21:57:16

It sounds like you're annoyed that he's not pulling his weight rather than him falling asleep.

Can't he bath the dc when he gets home?

Rosencrantz Thu 14-Nov-13 22:00:09

Needing more sleep isnt taking advantage!

The average is 8 hours. I need 10. I'm much less helpful when I'm tired, so it's everyone's interest that I have a sofa nap.

OP. Treat it like he's a new born. You sleep when they sleep. Except replace your sleep with something you love to indulge in. I'd be choosing something that involved sitcoms, stand up DVDs and binge eating crisps.

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:04:01

Laurie & Biscuit that was my precise thought as he went to bed .. I thought this is when I should be able to say I'm just off to the pub with the girls badminton class and waltz off into the night and then all will be fiiiine .. I am bored ! ..plus I think he has had his banter and talking done with 'the lads' and he is relaxed/horizontal .. even the dog rolls his eyes

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:07:10

Rosencrantz I like your thinking ..I am working down the remaining bottle of wine and obv on MN so I suppose in the grand scheme of things life isn't too bad

harticus Thu 14-Nov-13 22:07:48

Ah yes the joys of married life - the beloved sitting beside you gently farting and snoring.
You need to get out and do something else with your life.

Raddy Thu 14-Nov-13 22:09:37

I would find that very dull, I'm afraid.

SweetSkull Thu 14-Nov-13 22:11:38

No sex than...
I would be happy. Really.

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:13:08

hmmm harticus I think I shall find something to do of an evening (god knows what) an evening class? quite fancy a potters wheel in the shed with a bit of Fleetwood Mac and a glass of red

TheCrumpetQueen Thu 14-Nov-13 22:14:36

Why can't he do kids bath and bedtime?

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:17:08

it is dull though ..... I am married surely half the point is that I don't have to frantically fill my spare time ? <siiiiiigggghhhhh> we are due to go away for a weekend soon sand kids .. now I am thinking I shall be wandering around the Lakes talking to ramblers whilst he sleeps ....

livinginwonderland Thu 14-Nov-13 22:17:35

Well, DP needs more sleep than me, but that's because his job is pretty physically demanding. But, he doesn't fall asleep on the sofa. We both get up for 6am so I'm happy to go to bed when he does (around 9pm). We don't have DC's.

I don't really understand why him needing more sleep annoys you. If there's nothing that needs to be doing at 8.30pm and you haven't suggested doing something together (a film or whatever) then why can't he go to sleep? Surely you can entertain yourself for a bit until you fancy going up to bed?

I think if it's a regular thing he obviously needs more sleep, so let him get on with it and just find something to do. It used to annoy me when DP fell asleep early but if he gets less than 8 hours, he's grumpy and irritable and I'd rather be up on my own for a bit than have to deal with that 5 days a week!

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:18:54

that was sans kids not sand kids ..serves me right using schoolgirl French! and he doesn't do the bed/bath thing as he needs to look at facebook drink a beer relax after work

VenusDeWillendorf Thu 14-Nov-13 22:19:27

He does the bed and bath routine, you start a book club!
Simples!

Or if you're worried that he's sleepy after a meal, maybe he has blood sugar issues, and needs a diabetes test.

Hope your it all works out.

ZenNudist Thu 14-Nov-13 22:19:53

So you don't mind that you do all the hard work domestically?

Suggest take up reading to fill the dull moments - get a kindle! And yes, getting out more.

You need time out of the house, work is not enough. Either make plans with existing friends or plan a social activity or class that will allow you to make some more friends! Perhaps when you shift yourself dh will too. Sounds like you're both in an exhausted rut.

At least he's getting sleep. Better that than sitting up all night mumsnet ting & bring tired and cranky.

What do you do at weekends?

But you guys are getting up at 5.30 am!

Fair enough if you're not tired but I'd be completely shattered by 8 pm myself. I'd need something more stimulating than sitting on the sofa watching TV to keep me awake.

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:22:00

I think to be honest after running around sorting German Homework out , doing dinner etc I do not relax until after dinner, by which point he has done his relaxing (too much) and has gone to bed .... whereas I am up for talking shite etc ...obv not a thrilling enough evening for him .

LifeOfPee Thu 14-Nov-13 22:23:04

Off topic but what do you do for a living that has a 9.30-2.45 working day? Sounds ideal.

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:25:09

Zen weekends are taken up with kids social lives and he works one out of four but also plays rugby. I think though if I started doing something of an evening then I would be happier and then it wouldn't be an issue (except for the dog)

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:27:09

LifeofPee ( like the name) I am a gardener (though quieter this time of year)/herb grower (for a couple of restaurants locally) so make my own working hours around the DC's

livinginwonderland Thu 14-Nov-13 22:28:31

5.30am is early though. I know on days when I have to be up early, I'm out for the count at 8pm and I don't have the energy to stay up and talk or be too social after that. I think you either need to sort the kids together or do dinner together so that you're socialising a bit then, or just accept that some people need more sleep than others.

If you had something to do in the evenings, you probably wouldn't resent him going to bed. I do get that it can be dull if you're awake and want to talk and your OH is more interested in sleep. DP and I had that argument a lot when we moved in together, but we're both much more tolerant now.

iwanttobelola Thu 14-Nov-13 22:29:27

Venus thinking about the diabetes thing though he does fall asleep a lot after eating (has been known to fall asleep at work at breaktime) is that a sign ?

arethereanyleftatall Thu 14-Nov-13 22:31:23

I definitely agree that you need a hobby. You're really good to be doing so much of the work without complaining!,and, 2 days of the week, your hobby should start at 6pm. Its absolutely his turn sometimes to do bath and bed.

AnandaTimeIn Thu 14-Nov-13 22:44:14

4 kids, dogs and chooks to take care of?! Never mind getting up at 05.30 to go to work...

I'd be right pissed off if I had to do that on my own...

am a SP, one teenager - dad left - is enough!

chinley Fri 15-Nov-13 00:29:07

Slip some caffeine into his dinner. Better yet, get his bloods tested, he may have an iron or B-vit deficiency.

CrohnicallyTired Fri 15-Nov-13 07:22:26

Iwanttobelola- it can be. I had gestational diabetes and I always knew if I had gone high after a meal, as I would go really sleepy. Now the diabetes has cleared up so has the post meal sleepiness.

Normalisavariantofcrazy Fri 15-Nov-13 07:28:04

My DH is exactly the same except we both work full time.

All I get from him is 'I wish I could change my body clock but I can't!'

It's infuriating and you have my sympathies

Ruprekt Fri 15-Nov-13 07:33:41

You need to change the routine.

He can choose....make dinner and do packed lunches or he can do the bathtime routine.

smilesmile

cheminotte Fri 15-Nov-13 07:43:31

yanbu. He should be helping out and can do his post work relaxing after dinner just like you.

SmugAndSanctimoniousArsehole Fri 15-Nov-13 07:45:03

Sounds a bit like my house, except I'm your dh blush

Were both up early with the kids, dh leaves at 6.30, I do the morning stuff and drop them of (x3).
i work 8.30-6 including travel, dh works 6.30-3.30.

He picks the kids up and does all the evening stuff, I get in, eat my dinner and basically collapse. We leave all the house work other than a few wash loads and washing up etc at the weekend.

I do dropping off at cubs/scouts, he does pick up because by 8.30 I am ready for bed.

Multiple children and two ft jobs mean early nights and exhaustion, generally.

<yawn>

brettgirl2 Fri 15-Nov-13 07:46:16

This annoys dh about me grin

I need lots of sleep, 9.30 to get up at 6.30, so exactly the same op. I can't help it, honestly blush

dozeydoris Fri 15-Nov-13 07:57:42

I don't get him relaxing online after work while you do baths.

I would tell him DCs would like to see more of him (ie he does bathtime) and you are going running with a neighbour at that time, it's dark so you don't want to go alone, but you need to get fitter. Thus you leave him to it and you aren't there to see what goes on so it is up to him how well it goes. And just go out for a nice stroll round the block for half an hour (at least). Come back refreshed to finish off bed time (as it sounds like it will be beyond DP to do it all) then sit down to your new hobby, writing a novel, knitting a hat, making homemade Xmas cards, learn a language, do online reviewing of books you have read, mumsnetting etc etc. Keep off the wine as it reduces brain power.

If you think he will be fully enthused about doing bathtime alone just be honest and tell him you want a break, otherwise use the story above so he can't whinge you into continuing as you are.

dozeydoris Fri 15-Nov-13 08:03:40

I have been trying to improve my sleep (constant waking in small hours) and to do that now limit my time in bed, so go to bed late and get up early. And actually it's quite good! I can MNet, read drivel online, read more books, knit, catch up on recorded tv without the guilt that I should be doing something more useful.

Also wondering if DH is really such scintillating company? It's nice to have time to do stuff on your own in peace imo.

Shellywelly1973 Fri 15-Nov-13 08:08:41

Bloody hell- I can't believe people spend this long in bed...8.30pm-5.30am?! Seriously?

How do you get everything done?

I get up at 6 am, 6 days a week. Im never ever in bed before 12/12.30am.

Thants Fri 15-Nov-13 08:26:27

If he's in why isn't he helping bath and put the kids to bed? Or cooking? Falling asleep on the sofa isn't good. Do something together instead of watching tv which makes you sleepy. When he wants to go to bed that's fine but napping on the sofa no.

Nagoo Fri 15-Nov-13 08:31:12

I don't understand why he has time to go to sleep while you are doing all the crap sorting tomorrow out. Give him some jobs, that will keep him awake.

TBH though, the peace and having what you want on the telly is some consolation in my eyes.

redskyatnight Fri 15-Nov-13 08:45:13

I'm the same as your DH. I need 8 hours sleep as a minimum or I am zombie like the next day. My DH only needs about 6 hours sleep so it is a constant gripe of his that I got to bed so early. I've tried staying up later, but it just means I'm doubly tired the next day.

I think you just need to accept that different people need different amounts of sleep. Also, I have to say that when I worked part time during school hours (like your routine now) and did "child" things before and after school, I found it much easier than working a full long day at work - there's something very mind-numbing about doing the same thing all day (even if it is "easy"), and actually having a bit of variety and being able to get "out" is more restful (I know I'll now get a whole host of people saying the opposite, but that might well be how your DH feels).

chinley Fri 15-Nov-13 11:03:41

I think you just need to accept that different people need different amounts of sleep

A very important point. We're all different. I have to take iron supplement so I can function without falling asleep in the daytime and I still need to top up with coffee throughout the day. I need 8 hours of early sleep and still wake up grumpy, whereas DH can bounce out of bed, fresh as a daisy, after getting to bed at 4am and having 5 hours. angry

I would love to be able to function on less sleep and not be constantly tired.

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