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To not send my son to school in pyjamas?

(83 Posts)
Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 13:19:57

My son came home yesterday and said that they had been told to wear pyjamas to school on Friday, but he wasn't sure why.

He is not at all happy about this and has asked not to go in on that day.

I suspect it is for Children in need. I talked with him yesterday, and am sure it is due to his nocturnal enuresis, that he would feel uncomfortable in nightwear, although he hasn't said as much.

I have suggested buying new pyjamas, as his current ones are getting a little small, or borrowing his brothers (much coverted) angry bird ones. I have also suggested wearing jogging trousers and a tshirt instead, but he is adamant that he doesn't want to go.

He loves school, so I am sure this is not just a ploy to get out of going, and he was very upset.

So aibu to just keep him at home, and should I tell them why, or just invent a sore throat?

squeakytoy Thu 14-Nov-13 13:21:50

how old is he?

has he not got jogging bottoms and a sweatshirt that you can say are pyjamas

I think he will end up feeling left out on the day if all his friends take part and he is the odd one out

kinkyfuckery Thu 14-Nov-13 13:22:10

If he doesn't want to wear PJs, then let him wear something else. I wouldn't keep him off for no reason though.

loopylouu Thu 14-Nov-13 13:22:24

It's for children in need and it's optional.

My ds would rather die than go in in pyjamas, his school does it every year and he's never joined in (his school is non uniform though, so it's not like not wearing the unifor is a treat).

Madlizzy Thu 14-Nov-13 13:22:35

Does he think that he'll have to go to sleep in school and risk wetting? Kids can worry about the strangest things.

littlewhitebag Thu 14-Nov-13 13:22:43

Could he just wear his pyjama top with normal trousers? I am sure they won't turn him away if he just goes in normal clothes. Or he could 'forget' and go in his uniform. There are always kids who forget on non uniform days.

Surely he can go in uniform?
My Ds' school are doing the same thing but have stated that any child may go in wearing uniform if they wish to.
It's a special needs school so they understand that some children need/want the routine.
Toad looked at me like I had 2 heads and told me that Pyjamas are for bed, uniform is for school!

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot Thu 14-Nov-13 13:23:07

Or send him in normal non uniform. He probably won't be the only one. I wouldn't keep him off. Our school are having a PJ/Onesie day for Children in Need to. Mine are going in thick zip up onesies but I know some are going in normal clothes because they don't want to wear PJs plus onesies for little girls needing the toilet would be a nightmare.

notagiraffe Thu 14-Nov-13 13:23:52

Would he be prepared to go in a onesie? That's what lots of children at DCs primary did. Looked very cute and was less embarrassing than their real PJs.

EdithWeston Thu 14-Nov-13 13:24:33

I think he needs to go to school.

He can arrive in uniform (or whatever he usually wears if no uniform), and take a bag with T-shirt/joggers and pyjamas so he can change if he wants to when he sees what others are wearing.

LadyVetinari Thu 14-Nov-13 13:25:15

Jeans/joggers, t-shirt, and a dressing gown that he can discard because he's "too warm" as soon a he gets into the classroom?

Quenelle Thu 14-Nov-13 13:25:35

A girl in DS's class doesn't want to go in pyjamas either. So her mum is sending her in uniform with some spare clothes in case she feels left out and changes her mind.

It's for charity so completely voluntary. He can still pay the £1 or whatever it is so nobody should have a problem with it.

I would send him in uniform but put some pyjamas in his bag incase he feels left out once he gets there

MadamNoo Thu 14-Nov-13 13:25:47

we have pyjama day tomorrow too. my middle son hates and detests all dressing up days, he is dyspraxic (not sure if that is relevant but I think it's connected) and hates any kind of attention or standing out - uniform is his friend. I have said he can go to school in uniform, I won't have any more stress and unhappiness about something that's supposed to be fun. there will always be some kids who forget so he won't be the odd one out.
unnecessary to keep him home I think, but he doesn't have to join in (and you can still give teh £1 for charity if you like)

monicalewinski Thu 14-Nov-13 13:27:02

I hate the pyjama days too, ok when they were nursery age but a bit daft when they're older.

Maybe he could be persuaded by new pyjamas (angry birds?), but if a definite 'no' then I probably wouldn't force it tbh.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 14-Nov-13 13:27:44

It's optional. If he doesn't want to, no problem. Lots of children won't want to, lots will forget. It's definitely not a reason to keep him home.

Slavetominidictator Thu 14-Nov-13 13:28:19

The school I teach in has about three of four non uniform days a year where kids pay a pound to come without uniform. In the past, pyjamas were suggested instead, after complaints about competitive dressing so perhaps that's the reason. I think it's children in need this week so that may be why...
Honestly, the kids are so hyper and can't settle to work properly that I don't think your son would miss much if he didn't go in, except he will miss out on the social side. I would be a bit worried about setting a precedent but that depends on how frequently the school has them. I thought your idea about his brother's pyjamas was a a very good one. Honestly, one day off won't harm him, but don't tell the school why - attendance officers often aren't entirely discreet or understanding, although of course there will be exceptions. Good luck deciding.

justmatureenough2bdad Thu 14-Nov-13 13:28:22

send him in his uniform and a note saying he doesn't wear pyjamas and it would not be appropriate to send him in naked...

He does not need to wear the pj's
Send him to school
It's a silly reason not too

gamerchick Thu 14-Nov-13 13:28:58

He doesn't have to wear PJ'S there's no way mine would leave the house like that.. I always send him in his uniform but still take the quid in for the pot.

Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 13:29:24

Thanks for your replies. He is 11, I suggested a onesie, but he didn't like that idea.

I guess I agree that he should go, but this is really out of character, and I just can't get to the bottom of why he feels so uncomfortable with the idea.

Slavetominidictator Thu 14-Nov-13 13:31:41

I was assuming secondary school, for some reason, apologies if primary - am sure it's different. In secondary, turning up in uniform on non uniform days is social suicide, I'm afraid, hence my suggesting a discreet day at home.....

I may be underestimating your son but he does know it means PJ's OVER underwear, and not just PJ's doesn't he?

I quite often shove underwear on even if slobbing around in PJs at home, as I don't feel that comfortable walking around 'undressed'.

ShatnersBassoon Thu 14-Nov-13 13:32:12

Why not call the school and ask for some clarification? Ask if sportswear would be a suitable alternative.

farrowandbawl Thu 14-Nov-13 13:34:31

DS is like this.

He want's to wear his uniform instead. He's never got involved with anything like this and neither have I - it's just one of thsoe things we just don't do.

fuzzpig Thu 14-Nov-13 13:35:03

Aw bless him sad my DD didn't want to do a pj day (also children in need!) when she was younger - I think in her case maybe it was because she was so insistent that jammies are for nighttime and anything else was just plain WRONG!

Maybe he'd feel a bit more 'exposed' in pjs? It's different to being more clothed in lots of school uniform layers.

I would just say to him to wear what he wants, and maybe suggest he takes some nice (you could still get new ones as he needs them anyway) pjs in his bag just in case he gets left out and changes his mind when he gets there?

SwishAndFlick Thu 14-Nov-13 13:35:28

Jogging bottoms & a t shirt was suggested to the older kids of dd's school who would rather not wear pj's as thats what alot of older kids wear to sleep anyway.

FourFlapjacksPlease Thu 14-Nov-13 13:37:45

if it's out of character, and a one off, I'd let him stay home (and I am usually v strict about attendance!)

You know him best and if you think going will distress him, don't do it. You could always set him some work to do at home so it's not a choice of school or sofa and tv!

Fecklessdizzy Thu 14-Nov-13 13:38:02

DS2's going in dressed as Thor - bloody great hammer and all - I've pointed out he's going to be disarmed as soon as he gets past the door but he's insisting!grin

Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 13:41:24

I agree, fuzz pig, I think I would feel a little exposed in pjs even with underwear.

Maybe he doesn't want to be different either, by wearing clothes rather than the pjs as everyone else will.

I might chat with the other mums later and get an idea of what their boys will be wearing. Then maybe a trip to Next...

I am usually a stickler for not taking unnecessary days off, so thought just this once would do no harm.

Beechview Thu 14-Nov-13 13:43:39

Mine are refusing to wear pjs too. They'll be going in jogging bottoms and sweatshirts.

Artandco Thu 14-Nov-13 13:47:35

Would let them go in joggers and hoody and just say they are what they wear

oscarwilde Thu 14-Nov-13 13:49:57

He's a pre-teen. Maybe he's just uncomfortable looking like an idiot in public. He'll be insisting on sleeping in only his boxers in no time at all! grin Or he's worried about being bullied for not having the right outfit.

Invent a cold and send him in warm clothes but I wouldn't let him off school. Let him have the courage of his convictions.
Or could you lay your hands on something like this which is completely blend in/won't be noticed and won't look odd with a t-shirt, hoody and trainers.

SilverApples Thu 14-Nov-13 13:51:04

Mine used to go in his huge black dressing gown, with the hood up.
He looked like the Grim Reaper Incarnate. grin

Poledra Thu 14-Nov-13 13:53:03

Is he worried about not wearing enough? One of my DDs got a bit anxious about wearing jammies, which boiled down to her being uncomfortable about being school with no knickers on! Once we had established that she would be wearing underwear under her PJs, she was much happier about the idea!

AugustaProdworthy Thu 14-Nov-13 13:53:21

Why pyjamas? Why?
Why not just a straight forward non uniform day?
I remember from my teaching days that lessons were awful on CiN or Red Nose day as kids wanted a 'fun' lesson because 'it's CiN day Miss'
Why not just give a quid and carry on as normal?

kmdwestyorks Thu 14-Nov-13 13:58:15

11 is old enough to feel both a little more exposed and also slightly daft wandering around out of doors in PJ's. It's also young enough to feel vulnerable standing out from the crowd and not participating which might explain why he wants to take the totally reasonable option of staying home and not having to deal with either.

I would send him to school, but spend time together deciding what he can wear that will work for him as I should imagine he will not be the only 11 year old male or female in clothes that are merely a nod in the direction of PJ's. And I bet he's not the only uniformed child tomorrow

DesperatelySeekingSanity Thu 14-Nov-13 13:59:01

Daft question but he does know he's not expected to go to sleep at school doesn't he? It's not that he's thinking there will be some massive sleepover?

broccolirocks Thu 14-Nov-13 13:59:31

My son's exactly the same. He's 11 and he's never wanted to 'dressing up' on non-uniform days, always wears normal jeans and t-shirt and if I tried to make him, he would only get upset. Hopefully the school don't care so long as they get their £1 contribution. Bet some of the teachers hate it too!

IAlwaysThought Thu 14-Nov-13 14:00:33

I would tell him that he can't have the day off but other than that I would let him wear what he wants. He could take a few choices of clothes in his bag so that he could change if he felt uncomfortable.

Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 14:00:39

They look good oscarwilde.

I agree that he needs to face up to challenges, however having had several dry nights this week, I don't want anything knocking his confidence or self esteem at the moment.

Chivetalking Thu 14-Nov-13 14:02:24

I'm guessing he's in Year 6 and if he's already 11 he's one of the oldest in the year?

IME they either embrace the dressing up thing wildly and unleash the inner showman at that age or they're way too cool for all that juvenile nonsense. Maybe he's just outgrown dressing up days?

I wouldn't send him in PJ's that are too small (maybe that's the problem?) but I wouldn't be rushing to the shops to buy new either. I'd give him a choice of trackies and a hoody or uniform but he'd be going in.

MrsWolowitz Thu 14-Nov-13 14:02:40

I would tell him that he can't have the day off but other than that I would let him wear what he wants. He could take a few choices of clothes in his bag so that he could change if he felt uncomfortable.

^ I agree with this.

If he doesn't want to wear pjs then fine, he can wear uniform or something else but I think taking a day off because you don't want to go along with the fancy dress theme is an over-reaction.

Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 14:03:00

Yes, he knows he can wear underwear, and doesn't have to go to sleep!

Madlizzy Thu 14-Nov-13 14:04:28

Give him the choice of his uniform or normal clothes. Is he year 6 or 7? Year 7 is likely to be a bit stricter if he wants to wear his own clothes instead of pyjamas.

Takver Thu 14-Nov-13 14:08:12

I'd be very surprised if he were the only year 6 boy there in normal uniform - dd's primary did this, and a fair sprinkling just wore uniform as per usual.

Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 14:09:41

He is in year 6. I told him to have a chat with his friends today, and I think I will tell him that he is going tomorrow, but can decide what to wear, and point out that lots of boys sleep in joggers etc.

Love these might just get them for him anyway!

MrsLambada Thu 14-Nov-13 14:10:31

My ds is going in in jogging bottoms and t-shirt, but taking PJs. He has a long bus journey so will freeze his arse off if he goes off in the PJs.

Chopstheduck Thu 14-Nov-13 14:12:11

he def won't be the only one. I refused one year to send mine in PJs. It was in the middle of a snowy spell and we only had shortie pjs (heating was cheaper then!). I can't remember if they went in uniform or own clothes.

alwaysneedaholiday Thu 14-Nov-13 14:13:23

My 11 year old sleeps in boxers, but loves wearing 'daytime' onesies, of which there are loads in Next.

I would go and have a look with him, and great suggestion about taking a couple of changes to school, so he can choose.

NotAnotherPackedLunch Thu 14-Nov-13 14:13:29

Last pyjamas day DS insisted on wearing his uniform, but compromised by wearing a dressing gown on top. Would your son be comfortable with that?

The idea of onsies combined with school toilets is too gross to consider. [barfing emoticon]

MrsLambada Thu 14-Nov-13 14:13:43

It does seem bonkers to do PJs in the winter. sad << cold

MrsLambada Thu 14-Nov-13 14:14:27

Ewwwww no, the onsie arms in the toilets........

alwaysneedaholiday Thu 14-Nov-13 14:20:44

Ugh yuck, hadn't considered that complication!

Chopstheduck Thu 14-Nov-13 14:27:09

oh god yes, onesie arms! not a good idea. I have to be careful at home with 3 boys who occasionally miss the target, I dread to think what the boys loos at school are like.

Joysmum Thu 14-Nov-13 14:29:32

Not every child will be in pjs. If he wants to be in uniform then let him wear uniform and pack pjs in his school bag in case he changes his mind whilst there and the biggest hang up was getting to school in pjs.

Tbh I find it strange you'd even think about keeping him off and then lying to the school about why. Avoidance of issues and not trusting in the school to even discuss his worries is not sending your son a great message.

No way my DS would have gone in pjs at 11. Jogging bottoms and a tshirt and hoodie should be fine.

It's spotty day at DS's school tomorrow. He is 12 and far too cool to wear anything spotty. I bought him a couple of children in need wristbands and he can wear jeans and a top.

lljkk Thu 14-Nov-13 15:24:48

Er, phone the school and ask!? Ours is raising money for typhoon Haiyan relief, hence the short notice. Mufti is fine, too.

englishteacher78 Thu 14-Nov-13 15:31:14

The teacher fundraising pack from Children In Need this year suggested a pyjama day as a change from the normal non-uniform day - they have also released special pudsey onsies.
There are always students who forget non-uniform day at ours. They get a bit of ribbing in the morning and then everyone just carries on as normal. Go in in uniform.

swampytiggaa Thu 14-Nov-13 17:26:06

Ours have PJ day tomorrow. Mine will be wearing normal clothes or uniform. Too bloody cold imo.

rabbitlady Thu 14-Nov-13 17:36:18

it is children in need. we all got emails from them telling us to get the children into school in their nightclothes. ridiculous. how can I bring up modest young people with that kind of thing going on?
if they have to wear nightclothes, put them on over their uniform.

Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 18:13:45

I have spoken to ds and it would appear that he feels wearing uniform or mufti will just draw attention to him.

I explained that I and most of mn thought he should just bite the bullet and face the fear, but he was in tears, so I caved and said we will have a pj day at home, and do some revision (sats year).

This is clearly not going to harm his education, and as I mentioned before his self esteem and confidence is fragile at the moment ( as is mine tbh) so I feel that it is the right decision and he will feel listened to and respected.

modest young people, rabbit ? confused

OP, you know your son so I'm not going to disagree with your decision, but had this been mine (no enuresis, granted) he'd have gone in mufti with his dressing gown over the top.

Hulababy Thu 14-Nov-13 18:32:09

"how can I bring up modest young people with that kind of thing going on?"

Really???? Just really???

But anyway - op:

No to day off school.
Yes to normal clothes that could be PJs - joggers, t shirt, etc
Yes to normal uniform

His decision then, but def has to go in.

garlictrivia Thu 14-Nov-13 18:41:42

There was a Mumsnetter who sent her DC in uniform with pyjamas over the top. Sounds sensible to me.

I wouldn't go outdoors in pyjamas! It's 6° during the day here!

cardibach Thu 14-Nov-13 18:47:49

I promise you there is nothing immodest about my pjs, rabbit! Not sure what your worry is, tbh hmm
Joggers, t-shirt and dressing gown will be fine (and warm). I am a bit concerned about people going on about the cold all over MN tonight! As a further aside, we have non-uniform day with pjs and onesies explicitly forbidden!

gorionine Thu 14-Nov-13 18:48:12

If it was one of my DSs, I would send them to school in uniform with pyjamas/jogging bottoms-T-shirt in a bag if they wish to change when they see their friends are in nightwear. I would not invent sickness though, very bad idea IMHO.

itscockyfoxagain Thu 14-Nov-13 18:49:57

DD will be wearing her PJs over her clothes tomorrow. She isn't happy about it though and has declared it weird. She is 3 nearly 4.

Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 19:06:20

Thank you for all your replies, the decision has been made as I posted earlier.

I am not going to invent an illness, but email the school to say that ds feels too uncomfortable to join in and equally uncomfortable to not.

I will add that we plan to spend sometime revising for sats and if they want to put it down as unauthorised absence, so be it.

gorionine Thu 14-Nov-13 19:17:10

Fair enough, much better to be upfront! Wishing you both a nice day tomorrow!smile

Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 19:30:13

Just thinking about the possibility of a fine? Plan to contact Daily Fail - Mother Fined For Keeping DS home to Practice SATS rather than bounce on bouncy castle in PJ!!!!! Or something more succinct as this will obviously make the front page <<hopeful>>

gorionine Thu 14-Nov-13 19:43:05

Nah, won't work,! Read any DM comments lately? People will only point out "that" face you are pulling for the pictures and blame all the world's misery on you pandering to your child! Better not!grin
Not sure about the fine though, what does it say on unauthorised absence in your school policy? I would imagine they cannot actually fine you unless it is very clear in the school policy.

SunshineMMum Thu 14-Nov-13 19:46:24

YANBU I used to hate this in NOVEMBER for goodness sake. DS has sensory issues, so we'd put jogging bottoms a PJ top and a dressing gown over the top.

Throughthelongnight Thu 14-Nov-13 20:47:34

Gorionine would it be better if I wear my glasses <intelligent> and smile? Nothing too confrontational?

wangle99 Thu 14-Nov-13 21:42:19

DS (10) is the same here, he is going in full school uniform not PJs. He did make me laugh because he said I'll still donate my money but i'm not wearing pjs!

gorionine Fri 15-Nov-13 06:36:51

Yes, I think it might be better! You need to also make sure the value of your house is mentioned in the article as well as whether you are receiving any kind of benefit at all! Depending on both, you might swing opinions!

ICameOnTheJitney Fri 15-Nov-13 06:42:15

My DD was like this too! It is a silly idea....I did the packing them in her bag idea incase she changed her mind....she did! She came home in them having got changed in school.

englishteacher78 Fri 15-Nov-13 09:28:23

It was Children In Need's idea! Not sure why in November - seems more of a Comic Relief thing to me anyway.

Retropear Fri 15-Nov-13 09:41:16

Ours are allowed to go in non school uniform too- thankfully as my 10 year old twin boys would have not relished pj wearing one little bit.

Nanny0gg Fri 15-Nov-13 09:53:34

I would have been the same as your son. I would have hated wearing my PJs or standing out in something different.

And I am so glad I'm retired,because I bet the staff have to wear pyjamas too. I used to loathe any form of dressing up.

How embarrassing!

Throughthelongnight Fri 15-Nov-13 10:45:43

I agree nannyogg, and none of my night attire if fit to be seen in public.

I wonder if the powers that be consider these issues.

perfectstorm Fri 15-Nov-13 10:51:50

Blimey, DS' PJ's cover his whole body other than feet, hands and head - don't most peoples'? And not sure what modesty has to do with it anyway tbh.

I wouldn't send him either. If you're usually tough on attendance and he has a real and genuine issue such as that, why push it? A single day at home with work supervised by you isn't going to kill him. And I say that as someone whose Reception year child was also appalled by the idea and in tears, but who made him go in because he'd be fine once he did, and there was no actual issue other than the change from the norm. Your DS' situation is different. I think you made the right call.

feebeecat Fri 15-Nov-13 10:52:13

Nobody would want to see me walking to work in my nightie grin

That said, one of mine marched off happily enough, the other changed her mind (as predicted) so has gone in t-shirt/tracksuit bottoms and pj jacket - a passing nod at the theme - she meant to take the rest of them in school bag, but just found them on the table - opps.

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