To have reported this woman for harassment in the work place?

(127 Posts)
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sun 10-Nov-13 19:27:07

Dh and I have not been married for long. I am protestant and he is Catholic. Most people were happy for us and didn't give a shit about the cultural differences between us, only cared that we were happy togther, which we most definitely are.

There is this one woman who I work with who is very against "mixed religion" relationships. She wouldn't come to our wedding because it was against her beliefs, and she told us so. Fine, that's her choice and doesn't really affect me.

When work colleagues congratulated me on our marriage she would roll her eyes, tut, raise her eyebrows and generally just behave like a bored toddler. Didn't bother me because I had more bloody important things to worry about that her childish behaviour.

On friday though, she said something that, in my opinion, was bang out of order and downright rude. Another colleague who I am very friendly was telling me about her daughter's christening that is coming up shortly. She was telling me all the details of it; lovely church, nice godparents etc, and I told her how lovely it all sounded. Other colleague, who wasn't even involved in our discussion asked me "How are you going to christen your ds if you are different religion?" I politely told her that we have decided not to christen our son and let him choose to do so himself when he is older, if that's what he wants. She then starts telling me that it was "evil to do this to ds as he needs to be saved" hmm

Cue me asking her what business is it off hers to judge how Dh and I raise our child, this was not appropriate and could she please stop. Only she wouldn't stop. She went as far to tell me that my marriage was "sinful"!

I can't believe someone say say such horrible, inappropriate things to someone else.

Was IU for reporting her to our manager for harassment? Ok, I know I wasn't but I still feel a bit "bad" for it.

RandomMess Sun 10-Nov-13 19:29:26

Blimey, where do you live? I just can't believe that sort of attitude still exists!

You did the right thing she needs to keep her mouth shut when it comes to religion.

Lottiedoubtie Sun 10-Nov-13 19:29:52

Yanbu I'm shock that this is still going on.

I'm in the same sort of 'mixed' marriage- and no one has ever said or given us the impression that it was anything other than totally normal.

SoleSorceress Sun 10-Nov-13 19:30:32


Why would you be?

josephinebruce Sun 10-Nov-13 19:31:03

YADNBU! I think you'll find she has broken the Equality Act 2010. What you are doing is entirely reasonable for your DS. Your marriage is not sinful. SHe's the one with the problem.

noisytoys Sun 10-Nov-13 19:31:34

I'm guessing you're in Ireland? Shocking behaviour! YANBU to report!

CoffeeTea103 Sun 10-Nov-13 19:32:24

Yanbu report her. I'm sure everyone who heard this will back you up. It is absolutely none of her business.

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Sun 10-Nov-13 19:32:39

Protestants and Catholics are both Christians surely? As if that matters anyway compared to her rudeness.

Tell her to go read up on what Jesus said about love and grace - and to find a bloody dictionary.

MulberryHag Sun 10-Nov-13 19:33:20

What?! Having your child christened has nothing to do with them being "saved"! She was wrong to attack you, I think you did the right thing. Even if nothing comes from it from management, at least it is on her record. Ignore her, she's clearly has issues!

qazxc Sun 10-Nov-13 19:33:47

She was acting like an idiot and you ignored. she then started spouting off and you asked her to stop. she wouldn't stop. What else were you meant to do?

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Sun 10-Nov-13 19:34:37

Yes, and that too! Nowhere in Christian doctrine does infant baptism 'save' anybody.

hermioneweasley Sun 10-Nov-13 19:35:29

I think she may be in the wrong century

CustardLover Sun 10-Nov-13 19:35:40

YANBU at all. That's nuts. If your marriage bothers her so much she must spend a lot of her time being very stressed and unhappy at the modern world; I actually feel sorry for her. But that doesn't mean she can get away with being a pain to you, hence YANBU to report her.

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sun 10-Nov-13 19:35:59

Thanks everyone. I just needed to rant about it. When I told Dh about it he bloody laughed hmm. Yes we're in Ireland.

I'm surprised and sad that people still hold those opinions sad

Sinful. Fucking stupid bint. YANBU

treaclesoda Sun 10-Nov-13 19:37:09

are you in Northern Ireland by any chance?

YANBU, its none of her business and even if she holds strong views about it, the workplace is not the place to raise them.

To the poster who said Protestant and Catholic are both Christian, that's not entirely how it is seen in N Ireland. (Although I realise the OP has not specified that she is in NI, so maybe I've put 2 and 2 together and got 5).

treaclesoda Sun 10-Nov-13 19:37:16

are you in Northern Ireland by any chance?

YANBU, its none of her business and even if she holds strong views about it, the workplace is not the place to raise them.

To the poster who said Protestant and Catholic are both Christian, that's not entirely how it is seen in N Ireland. (Although I realise the OP has not specified that she is in NI, so maybe I've put 2 and 2 together and got 5).

treaclesoda Sun 10-Nov-13 19:38:14

ooh, didn't mean to post twice blush

Mushypeasandchipstogo Sun 10-Nov-13 19:38:16

I am also a C of E married to a Catholic. I must admit I have never had anybody say anything as horrendous as this. The woman is demented and UANBU ,report her or at least have the recent incident formally recorded.

Tee2072 Sun 10-Nov-13 19:39:40

I would assume the OP lives in either Scotland or Northern Ireland. I know this attitude still exists here in NI.

You did right by reporting her. I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Bunbaker Sun 10-Nov-13 19:39:53

Where I live no-one would bat an eyelid about a marriage/partnership where each partner is from a different religious background. Where do you live that it matters so much?

Bunbaker Sun 10-Nov-13 19:40:51

Sorry, answers appeared as I posted.

cjel Sun 10-Nov-13 19:44:00

OP, I'm sorry that you have to work with this woman. YADNBU Where I live we all mix as one and even share ministers and priests for some services.

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 19:51:06

Well done. Bigots like that shouldn't be allowed out in public, let alone saying shit like that with no consequences.

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 19:53:40

I am Catholic & married to Protestant. She sounds fucking nutty to me YADNBU

Duckegg80 Sun 10-Nov-13 19:57:38

I'm Irish and that's not an attitude I've come across in many years. No one I know would care one bit, my cousin is Catholic and married her Protestant husband in, shock horror, his Church. Our whole family attended and no one batted an eyelid. I'm glad you reported that woman, it's embarrassing some people still go on that way.

Duckegg80 Sun 10-Nov-13 19:58:35

Although, I should clarify I'm not from NI.

Notmyidea Sun 10-Nov-13 20:01:18

Yanbu! She is being rude and attempting to bully. I hope you are supported by your manager.
Fwiw dh and I are a mixture of lapsed Baptist and catholic who have made our home in the CofE.
Gently remind her of the eclectic group that made up the disciples. She sounds like she switched off in a few Sunday school lessons.

josephinebruce Sun 10-Nov-13 20:03:29

I was brought up a catholic and married an atheist. No way would I want to get married in a catholic church - the services are too bloody long and the chuch too bloody cold!!!

MostWicked Sun 10-Nov-13 20:03:39

She belongs in a different century!
Definitely right to report her, but don't take her ignorant comments to heart.

MammaTJ Sun 10-Nov-13 20:04:07

I will be very interested to hear how seriously work take this. To me it is akin to racism, judging people on their religion, or the religion they were born in to.

Does she go to church herself?


MrsSteptoe Sun 10-Nov-13 20:04:31

You were not even remotely unreasonable. I understand why you feel bad about reporting her. Don't. Don't let your compassionate good nature get in the way of dealing with this vicious quarter-wit as she deserves.

Urgh, I hate bigots. I hope you did report her, that was bang out of order.

The whole Protestant/Catholic madness baffles me. FIL once went to Ireland for a conference, and was asked by another delegate if he was Protestant or Catholic. He replied that he was Jewish.

Without skipping a beat the delegate asked, "yes, but are you a Protestant or a Catholic Jew?"

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 10-Nov-13 20:08:30

Sectarian abuse. Horrible woman.
Show her this

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sun 10-Nov-13 20:09:14

Thanks everyone, I feel better now I have gave off about it on here.

To the person asking if she goes to church herself, yes she is a born-again Christian, very strict doesn't agree with kids before marriage etc.

Without skipping a beat the delegate asked, "yes, but are you a Protestant or a Catholic Jew?"

Bloody hell, that's an old joke

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:11:56

Ahhh, ok, born again. Met a few. Rude & very judgemental. Good on you for reporting.

cjel Sun 10-Nov-13 20:12:51

Polly - I'm born again and none of the above smile

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 10-Nov-13 20:13:15

It's a Frank Carson joke iirc

jellylegwobble Sun 10-Nov-13 20:13:27

Tell her about me for a laugh, I'm a protestant who married a Catholic. We decided to Christen Catholic so they could choose, the CoE will have them either way at communion but it's a nightmare the other way. Seemed logical.

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 20:15:42

Sometimes I'm stuck in traffic next to some git with a boom-boom car stereo, it's always pumping out something dreadful, and I always think "Those who have the least taste in music most feel the need to share it".

Your description of this woman reminds me of that.

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes Sun 10-Nov-13 20:16:15

Wow, YANBU. She needs educating! What if you were marrying a Buddhist, or a Muslim, or (gasp) an athiest ?? Judgmental cow. Ignore.

timidviper Sun 10-Nov-13 20:17:31

We used to come across attitudes like this in Liverpool when I was growing up, I had hoped they had died out by now.

If she wants to hold views like that, she needs to learn to keep them to herself.

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:19:02

cjel As I said, I have met a few, & they were rude & judgemental. I do not claim to have met all born again christians, I speak as I find.

cjel Sun 10-Nov-13 20:21:11

No worries -just thought I could balance out some of the bad onessmile

Pilgit Sun 10-Nov-13 20:22:44

Is she older? My mum often got twitchy about how long it took us to get the dds baptized (5 months 7 months so hardly long) ) because she was worried about the state of their immortal souls. We politely ignored her. The point being all sorts of things used to be doctrine that aren't anymore. This was more to explain that these beliefs were around and church led till fairly recently. There is however no excuse for her being so rude and judgemental. Totally right to report her.

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 20:23:30

Pollydon, I'd amend your exchange with cjel to maybe this: "I've met some born-again christians who were rude and judgmental. Possibly I've also met some who weren't, and didn't shove it in my face, but by that very yardstick, I wouldn't have known."

Fair compromise?

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:24:09

Cjel you have smile

Pollydon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:25:32

Agreed Pedant

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 20:27:39

I'll second that, cjel - I've bumped into you on loadsa freds by now and you don't come off rude or judgmental. Generally good advice, too.

Raddy Sun 10-Nov-13 20:31:05

That's incredible, and awful.

I am Catholic as are our children, my husband is.. I don't even know what he is, I don't know if he was christened, his family are agnostic.

My parents are pretty devout, but we have never, ever come across any bigotry whatsoever.

I have 3 sisters and we have all married non catholics.

AveryJessup Sun 10-Nov-13 20:35:58

My parents are very religious and would share some of the mindset of this person you work with, OP. They were not happy when I married my DH as he was 'Protestant' (in their eyes - he's technically Protestant but really an atheist).

Even then though they would never attack someone at work or in public like thus colleague of yours. It's just none of her business and she was way out of line to comment. You should definitely put in a grievance about this and have her behavior noted. She needs to learn that it's not appropriate to impose her prejudices on others this way. If you're in NI then it's even worse as I 'm pretty sure there are laws against sectarianism there these days due to the history.

cjel Sun 10-Nov-13 20:37:26

Now I'm blushingblush

CanucksoontobeinLondon Sun 10-Nov-13 20:40:25

OP, I'm in shock that this sort of open prejudice still exists. You were not even remotely unreasonable to report this lady to your boss. She totally crossed the line.

Financeprincess Sun 10-Nov-13 20:47:41

Whilst your colleague's behaviour sounds ill-judged and silly, I don't understand why you found it advisable to report it to your manager. It's got nothing to do with your professional life. Were you trying to punish her somehow for saying something you didn't like? If so, I think you were rather spiteful. YANBU for being upset by her actions, but I think you were unreasonable for seeking vengeance by trying to get her into trouble at work for a personal disagreement with you.

pianodoodle Sun 10-Nov-13 20:51:16

I miss Northern Ireland very much. I've been in England for 5 years now and although I'm happy, so many things don't compare to home.

However - this attitude I do not miss in the slightest! I find it embarrassing tbh. Only in N.Ireland would this be considered a "mixed" marriage it's a total joke.

Fortunately, your colleague is falling into the minority of people who still hold these views and I hope the numbers continue to drop.

You were absolutely right to report. She's a total dick.

Another good thing about being over here is despite coming from a "protestant" background (I'm an athiest anyway!) I intend to give my son due at Christmas a thoroughly nice Irish name that I've always liked smile and no one will bat an eyelid!

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 10-Nov-13 20:56:42

Financeprincess , it's deeply unacceptable in NI and can be extremely damaging not to mention illegal. It would be unacceptable in most work places but especially so where the OP lives.

echt Sun 10-Nov-13 20:57:19

Financeprincess there is specific employment law regarding religious discrimination in NI ( if that's where this is happening) and if so, the OP was not BU to report the woman.

TheHippywhowearsLippy Sun 10-Nov-13 20:57:43

Ywnbu at all, you did the right thing.

I live in Ireland & believe me these views are as common as busses. Religion is huge here & we have only discovered intergrated education where parents can choose to let their children mix with other religions but it's few & far between.

it's taken years of breaking boundaries just to make others see that we are all human & should live & let live.
I don't understand why the main land find it so unbelievable that this still goes on.

echt Sun 10-Nov-13 20:57:49

Oops, cross post.

treaclesoda Sun 10-Nov-13 21:05:59

I know this is off topic, but I think integrated education is a bit of a red herring. State schools, particularly grammar schools, have always had Catholic children attending them, albeit in small numbers (although off the top of my head I can think of a couple of state grammars with high numbers of Catholic pupils because there is no Catholic grammar school in the area), although granted I've never heard of a Protestant attending a Catholic school.

But my village primary could theoretically be rebranded as an integrated school tomorrow, but it would still be 100% Protestant because no Catholics live in this area.

I am pro integrated education btw, I'm not dismissing it, but its just not as clear cut as it might seem at first.

pianodoodle Sun 10-Nov-13 21:06:44

I don't understand why the main land find it so unbelievable that this still goes on

In Northern Ireland we learned history of the whole of the British Isles. I don't think a lot of English schools do the same though so unless they've learned about it outside of school there often isn't much knowledge beyond what occasionally pops up on national news.

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 21:12:59

Financeprincess, I've only bumped into you twice so far, and am not impressed. Workplace bullying is wrong, bigotry is wrong, and your efforts to get people to just suffer in silence is manifestly wrong.

You are also factually and legally wrong. The woman in this example doesn't even have to be a line manager for her bigotry to lead to a bullying environment. It doesn't have to be said in an appraisal, or any particular direct detriment to the OP's career. It doesn't even have to be in or anywhere near the office - if these remarks were made at a drinks do, they'd be just as bad as if they were said in a meeting. The woman's bigotry is creating a hostile environment.

I'm very concerned that some people might actually be guided by your comments.

There are laws against bigotry in the workplace. This has clearly been violated and the OP has the right, even the responsibility, to ensure that it doesn't flourish.

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 10-Nov-13 21:19:19

People don't learn about Irish history in England necessarily and don't live with it day to day. We did quite a lot as we were taught by Irish nuns. It has taken 15 years of connection to NI to learn that even saying 'mainland' can be contentious.

RandomMess Sun 10-Nov-13 21:20:14

I think here on the mainland there just isn't this antoganism between catholic and protestant so it just seems to be so well odd, surreal, unbelievable.

We know about the troubles etc but here I guess it's more christian versus atheist tbh. Being a christian of any denomination is frowned upon IME - catholics and protestants are lumped in together.

EvaBeaversProtege Sun 10-Nov-13 21:28:10

My guess would be NI too, I'm in NI & also on a 'mixed' marriage hmm

You did right to report her. Her opinion is exactly that, an opinion & should not be foisted on you!!!

My dh would laugh at her comments too, but in sympathy for her & her narrow mindedness!!!

In my workplace comments like hers would absolutely be taken seriously.

I've only heard of christening/baptism cleansing children of original sin, not saving them!!!

She sounds like my hateful bitch of a SIL. Apparently she worries about our family not entering heaven as we're not Christian.... Myself & dc attend mass, have made our sacraments etc. Dh doesn't, but he's not a murderer, why would she worry about us?

EvaBeaversProtege Sun 10-Nov-13 21:29:10

Oops. I've went on a bit there... Self projecting...

pianodoodle Sun 10-Nov-13 21:39:07

She sounds like my hateful bitch of a SIL. Apparently she worries about our family not entering heaven as we're not Christian

Ah just tell her you thought about going to heaven - but then you heard she was thinking of going too so you changed your mind grin

Financeprincess Sun 10-Nov-13 21:39:22

I don't remember you, Pedant Marina, but I'd suggest that you actually read my post before going off on a rant.

I made no comment about the OP's legal position. I gave an opinion, which is what the OP asked for. Nor is the individual who caused the offence the OP's line manager, as you seem to think. As for readers "being guided by my comments": this is AIBU, not the citizens' advice bureau. Grow up.

What I said is that the OP should put things into perspective. If we all went running to our managers demanding redress every time a colleague expressed an opinion we didn't like, nobody would get any work done. The OP clearly isn't 100% sure of whether she behaved appropriately, or she wouldn't be on here.

We've all worked with nutters. There are better ways of dealing with ill-judged remarks (e.g. gentle put downs, ignoring the remarks, asking the person politely to back off) than running to the boss and expecting him or her to fight your battles for you.

Please don't compare what the OP experienced to racism, by the way. It cheapens the experience of people who have genuinely suffered racial harassment.

OP, sorry not to have joined in with "oh, poor you, what a nasty lady!", but you did ask. It's understandable that you're upset, but I wouldn't have dealt with it in the same way.

Pedant Marina, I hope you enjoy stalking me on different threads, where you will no doubt find other opportunities to be unimpressed!

maddening Sun 10-Nov-13 21:44:33

send her this link :-)

EvaBeaversProtege Sun 10-Nov-13 21:45:24

grin pianodoodle.

Finance - it seems it's not been a one-off, it's been an ongoing thing. As a one-off I could understand that maybe it didn't come out how she meant it to, but as something that's been repeatedly commented on, OP was correct in reporting.

KenDoddsDadsDog Sun 10-Nov-13 21:46:55

Sectarianism is as hate fuelled as racism. Ignorance drives both Financeprincess.

FinancePrincess I have been a manager in several positions (some even in finance).

I would definitely want to be appraised of this attitude by the colleague. If unchecked, this can cause a bad atmosphere in the office leading to a lack of productivity, and much time wasted in trying to rectify the situation.

And yes, I've been there as a manager, having to deal with a situation that got out of hand because the victim didn't want to go "running to our managers demanding redress every time a colleague expressed an opinion we didn't like", who felt she should be fighting her own battles. But this kind of attitude can affect everyone in an office, so that automatically made it my business.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Sun 10-Nov-13 21:48:34

If you were Muslim and your dh were christian and she spoke like this, people would instantly say she was being racist/bigotted/prejudical. Just because its Catholic/Protestant, doesnt make it 'ok'.

Report her.

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 21:54:37

Henry, didn't ask earlier, but how did it go? When did you report it? Have you have any progress yet?

treaclesoda Sun 10-Nov-13 21:59:51

I've worked in an office where one person has been offended by another wearing a Claddagh ring. And where one person took another person's refusal to eat a green jelly baby to be a sectarian attack. And where one person complained that another had mentioned watching a Rangers match on tv. I could go on, but you get the idea. This stuff is very deeply ingrained. Unlike the trivial examples I've given, the OP actually does have good reason to be annoyed. Maybe if behaviour such as the OP has experienced was tackled properly, then the trivial crap wouldn't happen at all.

Trifle Sun 10-Nov-13 22:00:31

I find it bizarre thy you would run to your bosses to report a private conversation that didn't go as you wished. She's entitled to her opinion and you are entitled to disagree so if that is the case then stand up to her yourself don't go running to someone else to step in.

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 22:08:16

Henry. I've changed my mind. Not about reporting the woman for harassment, you're still NBU.

But if the several accusations are correct, you are VVVU. Running in the workplace is against Health & Safety rules.

pianodoodle Sun 10-Nov-13 22:09:03

trifle in the workplace derogatory comments such as telling someone their marriage is sinful because of their religion is extremely inappropriate especially in Northern Ireland.

It would fall under religious discrimination and the OP has a perfect right to report this.

holidaysarenice Sun 10-Nov-13 22:12:41

I could have guessed ur in ireland, most likely the north. In fact I cud write your post.

Usually people like this have no actual religious knowledge. I usually try, does verse 3 on page xxx not spring to mind and wonder off leaving them open mouthed and spluttering.

TheCraicDealer Sun 10-Nov-13 22:15:53

Another one from NI here- I hope to god this dinosaur gets hauled over the coals.

I have to say though, although many PP's have anecdotes similar to this one, the incidence and acceptability of this is declining. I've worked in about 10 different offices, shops, etc and if anyone had come out with anything like this they certainly would not have had any support throughout the wider workforce or by anyone management. Things are changing, slowly, but surely.

winebuckfast, anyone?

pianodoodle Sun 10-Nov-13 22:20:23

Make mine a pint of Harp and a packets of dates wink

QuintesKabooom Sun 10-Nov-13 22:23:20

You know, with him being Catholic, it is not your marriage that is sinful, but you. hmm


treaclesoda Sun 10-Nov-13 22:23:58

Buckfast? Are you from Lurgan? grin

SeaSickSal Sun 10-Nov-13 22:25:34

Even the Catholic church has said Limbo doesn't exist and non-christened babies go straight to heaven. So not only is she a bitch she's a dumb misinformed one.

It makes me very sad. I am in a mixed Catholic/Prod marriage and my DH is also Irish. My in laws admitted that 20 years ago they would have not been happy, more because of me being English than Protestant, but it is not an issue now and they have been very kind.

Having said that my BIL almost married an NI girl and she did not approve and was extremely nasty to me. I tend to think that a lot of the people who hang onto this kind of stuff re not quite all there.

You should definitely report as this kind of thing will only be stamped out if we don't tolerate it. It will be far better hopefully for children from families like ours if we take a stand and say no.

Do it. And I salute you if you do.

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 22:32:20

SeaSickSal, OP did do it. So start on that applause!

And you put it very succinctly: this kind of thing will only be stamped out if we don't tolerate it.

KatOD Sun 10-Nov-13 22:33:09

She sounds foul (and not particularly christian!). Report the silly bint.

pianodoodle Sun 10-Nov-13 22:33:19

I can understand English people thinking it all seems a bit thick though.

Fortunately it all seems a bit thick to the vast majority of Northern Irish people too smile

PedantMarina Sun 10-Nov-13 22:37:02

Ooh, don't want to take this too off-topic, but I've stopped using the word "bint" when I learned that it's Arabic for "daughter".

KatOD Sun 10-Nov-13 22:43:08

Really? Thanks for that, hadn't realised! You live up to your name (in a good way) pedantmania smile.

Sorry, will rephrase, report the moronic, prejudiced twat.

KatOD Sun 10-Nov-13 22:44:01

Oops sorry hope you like your new name pedantmarina (sorry long weekend)

FuckingFuck Sun 10-Nov-13 22:47:09

YANBU, you know that though.

She sounds like a bloody stupid, bigoted, bitter cow. I'm in a 'mixed' relationship in NI and thankfully most people are much more educated and open minded than this woman but there's still a horrible (fairly vocal) minority sadly hmm

When something like this happens to me it just makes me thankful that I grew up in a family who taught me that we are all just the same; good is good and bad is bad no matter what your religious affiliation

pianodoodle Sun 10-Nov-13 22:51:03

I didn't know that either.

I haven't heard it used for ages (though I'm sure it still is)

Rab C Nesbitt was fond of it.

Back on topic - do update us on whether any action is taken I'd be interested to know how seriously your complaint is taken. Hopefully she'll keep her trap shut in future!

LoveAndDeath Sun 10-Nov-13 23:04:50

The thing is, if you actually read the Gospel, Jesus was the type of guy who would make friends with anyone, regardless of race, religion or gender.
Why that woman should think he is the posterboy for bigotry is beyond me.

MistressDeeCee Mon 11-Nov-13 01:45:17

YANBU OP, Id have reported her. You dont come to work to be berated about your personal life or decisions, especially in the presence of work colleagues who can hear all said. If she has to face the consequences of her rudeness and indiscretion then so be it, she shouldve kept her opinions to herself and her nose out of your business in the 1st place.

PedantMarina Mon 11-Nov-13 06:48:02

Exactly, Mistress! Well said.

blush at KatOD Did you remember my old one?

I'm a little wondering about OP not having come back. Hope she's OK.

KatOD Mon 11-Nov-13 07:20:40

@pedantmarina... No sorry, not good at keeping track of those kind of things.

Op are you ok? Assuming you're just busy.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Mon 11-Nov-13 07:28:52

what fucking century is this again?
Hate crime-report not only to your boss, but police too. Nothing to feel guilty about.

LisaMed Mon 11-Nov-13 07:44:02

Grew up surrounded by a lot of this, my grandmother was definitely in that mindset (Liverpool). I shouldn't have been surprised when I brought home my first boyfriend and she asked what religion he was. What she meant was, is he Catholic?

What could I say? He was pagan. I said limply that I thought he was raised a Methodist and left the conversation.

I hate the indoctrination I got, all informally, all subtle, all 'this is how it is'. I hate having to bat down my mother's voice when I am talking to people and the old Catholic/Protestant rubbish comes up. I hate that someone tried to do my thinking for me and has left an echo in my head. I'm actively fighting handing it on to ds, so he can do his own thinking. He might get better at the love that Jesus preached.

It's all catsbum mouth thinking, and it never sounds well on anyone.

Do we have a catsbum mouth emoticon?

treaclesoda Mon 11-Nov-13 09:06:49

The PSNI are stretched to breaking point, if everyone in N Ireland who had to listen to this sort of crap reported it to the police the country would descend into chaos hmm

I'm all for tackling this stuff in the workplace and making it clear that its not acceptable, but I'd rather the police resources on dealing with hate crime were directed towards helping the people who are having their windows broken for living in the 'wrong' area, or being in a mixed relationship.

firesidechat Mon 11-Nov-13 09:28:34

I'm a Christian.

Your colleague sounds like a religious bigot of the worst kind.

Apart from anything else, the idea that an unbaptized child is going straight to hell vanished many, many years ago. We didn't have our children christened either because we wanted them to decide for themselves.

enormouse Mon 11-Nov-13 09:42:34

I've heard that joke anie but with Jedi.
I.e. 'yes but are you a Catholic jedi or a protestant jedi?'

I thought this sort of out of date thinking had died out but I had it happen to me and my DP at a party. There was a woman who kept snubbing us both, ignoring, giving dirty looks, refusing to sit near us etc. Later found out she was loudly catholic and disproved of DP and I being atheist (me - formerly sikh, him - C of I), having a mixed race child out of wedlock and not having any intention of christening him. Apparently she would only associate with other catholics which imo was extremely insulting to our hosts who were in a mixed catholic/protestant marriage.

LittleBairn Mon 11-Nov-13 09:47:32

move my patents experienced exactly this situation in 80's Glasgow its sad this sort of crap is still happening.
My mums priest condemned me to hell as a baby, he could cope with my mum being a teenage unmarked mother living in sin but dear lord not my father being Protestant. And my maternal grandmother constantly undermining my catholic family use to it all too.

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Mon 11-Nov-13 17:28:51

Hi everyone thanks so much for all the support and opinions smile my boss was very shocked when I told her about what my colleague said and said she would speak to her today as it was totally unacceptable and verging on harassment.

Colleague was most certainly not happy. Didn't speak to me all day except when necessary. At lunch time she went round the table asking people if they would like one of her sweets, but stopped before she got to me hmm

A bit pathetic if you ask me. As if I care hmm

Mylovelyboy Mon 11-Nov-13 17:32:28

OP. Is she not the full shilling confused. Sounds awful. You tried to deal with her and it didnt work. You reported it and you were right to do so.

PedantMarina Mon 11-Nov-13 17:43:53

Thanks for the update, Henry. Well, I don't suppose any of us expected her to suddenly get a personality transplant.

Did the boss tell you what she said to colleague? Did she follow-up? Is it going on her record? Etc.

PedantMarina Mon 11-Nov-13 17:47:44

PS: colleague not speaking to you all day is a result in itself!

That flippancy aside, keep a diary. It may well take a few occasions before she's Well&Truly Telt.

How do the rest of your colleagues seem about this

Sorry if too many questions.

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Mon 11-Nov-13 18:16:26

Thanks pedant. I am not sure what was said to her or if it's going on her file, it's all kept confidential. But manager was truly shocked that she called my marriage sinful. What annoyed me was the fact that she involved my son in this prejudiced verbal attack.

There were many other things she said to me that I haven't listed her. Calling my marriage sinful was only he start if it. She also went as far to say that my son will
resent me and DH when he is older for not having him baptised and that it was the least I could do for him for splitting his life between two different religions hmm

She is lucky I didn't thwack her round the chops.

Sounds like certain elements of Glasgow. They could teach the Irish a thing or two about sectarianism.

I wouldn't engage further with her. Let management deal with her.

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock Mon 11-Nov-13 19:01:49

She's lucky indeed! I'd have had her guts for garters. You did the right thing reporting her, and I'm pleased that your manager was shocked.

The not offering you sweets thing is so beyond childish it's actually quite funny.

TheCraicDealer Mon 11-Nov-13 19:11:25

Haha, you should've said, "if I'm going to hell like you say I am then not getting one of your sweets is the least of my fucking problems".

KenDoddsDadsDog Mon 11-Nov-13 19:28:24

CraicDealer grin
Take her in some Tayto chocolate

persimmon Mon 11-Nov-13 19:40:33

She sounds vile. Imagine if she was talking like this about a mixed race marriage. Bullying for sure.

pianodoodle Mon 11-Nov-13 20:11:20

Glad they took it seriously!

Pathetic re: the silent treatment just shows how right she thinks she still is.

She sounds like the type who'll annoy someone else before too long as well...

Agree with making a note of anything else said!

Definitely the right thing to do to not rise to any nonsense. She's only making more of an arse of herself.

Well done smile

ilovelymum Mon 11-Nov-13 20:21:24

I am protestant but I don't go to church that much and my neighbour is strongly catholic we got on fine until I told her I was christening my son a protestant too, she wouldn't talk to me look at me or even to the kids one day she refered to me as "the filth next door" this was to much I told her she was bang out of order and to stop .she did and we laugh about it now ,though since we moved I haven't bothered to keep in touch its still something I remember

you were right to do it

FCEK Mon 11-Nov-13 20:24:36

wow I have just read this thread. There are still some people like this, my cousin is in a mixed religion marriage and she had problems with her inlaws.

Start writing down everything that is said/done.

Giving you the silent treatment/not giving you a sweetie, is that not victimisation or something?

Watch for her getting your colleagues on her side...I've experienced that.

KatOD Mon 11-Nov-13 20:43:31

What a loon!!

Reckon it might be an idea to keep a record of everything she does, as a previous poster said it may take more than one warning for her to get the message...

TillyTotter1 Mon 11-Nov-13 21:00:04

Things like this make me ashamed to be from N.Ireland.

I was at a mixed Catholic/Protestant wedding a few moths ago and the grooms family all boycotted the ceremony

CSIJanner Mon 11-Nov-13 21:40:13

So she's a BAC, yet harbours a grudge (Ephesians 4:31-32), judges (Matthew 7:1-2) and fell short on sharing out the lemon sherbets (Hebrews 13-14).

Yup - real Christian attitude there. Reminds me of my childhood with my white English father and my Asian mother getting bricks in the window and being spat at by people who later sat next to us in church. I would go further than call it harassment and start making notes of further prejudicial mutterings as unfortunately I doubt it will stop. Get yourself a diary and keep track as PP's have suggested.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Mon 11-Nov-13 21:59:59

Sounds a bit odd for a "born again Christian" as well - they are normally in favour of believers baptism. Anyway, completely legalistic attitude which runs completely contrary to what I believe Jesus was all about.

Jinsei Mon 11-Nov-13 22:35:13

What a sad thread. It's awful that people still think this way. sad My grandparents had a mixed Protestant/Catholic marriage, and they experienced a lot of prejudice in Liverpool, where they lived when they were young. However, I believe it's much better there now. Shame that NI and parts of Scotland haven't really moved on.

DH and I are also in a mixed marriage - I was brought up in a loosely Christian tradition (lapsed catholic mother and atheist father) and am now agnostic. DH grew up in a mixed Hindu/Sikh family. DD is learning about all faiths and will make her own decisions when she is older. I don't think our religious differences have ever been an issue for anyone!

LoveAndDeath Tue 12-Nov-13 10:23:06

Jinsei, the vast majority of people in NI are lovely. But it's like everywhere else, you will always get people in every community who don't like black people/catholics/ muslims etc.
The OP's colleague actually sounds a bit unhinged.

Definitely keep a record of her behaviour OP, dates, times etc. I have a picture of her, it's very clear, and I bet she is exactly the sort of bosom hoiking, lemon sucking aul bastard who feels it is her god given right to proselytise to whomever she happens to encounter. She will make it her business to have another go at you. You will have to keep slapping her back into place until she learns (maybe).

I have worked with a couple. Once had to give official warnings to one who started a stand up row with a patient over the name of a city in the North West hmm.

Be pleasant, pass yourself, record everything.

As an aside, this : Buckfast? Are you from Lurgan? made me spit tea all over myself grin

treaclesoda Tue 12-Nov-13 22:09:45

Littlegreyauditor I heard a rumour that they keep Buckfast in the fridge in the offies in Lurgan and they call it champagne wink

I once had a colleague from there who made mulled Buckie at Christmas grin

Jeepers. I would suck spilled 9 day old beer out of a tea towel before I would risk mulled Buckfast. Each to their own I suppose grin

KenDoddsDadsDog Wed 13-Nov-13 07:35:52

My DH is from close to Lurgan , had never seen Buckfast in a pub til I went there.
Jinsei , lots of people have moved on and stopped living in the past. Idiots everywhere sadly.

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