To want our house guest to leave in the morning when we do?

(115 Posts)
Melbourme Sun 10-Nov-13 10:44:04

Help solve a disagreement between me and DH. DH's brother is coming to stay with us overnight one day this week - he is mainly staying with us because we live somewhere that's convenient for the airport, but there is an element of coming to see us because he lives a long way away so we only see him a few times a year so this is a handy 'kills two birds with one stone' scenario. He will also be staying with us for the night when he returns in a few weeks time.

Just for context we all get on well but aren't close (that includes DH and his brother - no falling out, just not that close). The issue is that I want him to leave in the morning when we leave for work - at around 8.30am. DH feels that this is rude and we should let him stay in the flat for the day until he needs to leave for the airport. DH's brother would do whatever we asked him to.

My practical opposition is around double locking the door - but we could solve this by giving him a set of spare keys and him dropping them through the letter box of my sister's who lives a 5 minute walk away. My main reason though is that I just feel really uncomfortable with the idea of someone being in my flat when I'm not there. The flat is very small so it's not as though he'd just be hanging out downstairs like you would in a house. Our bedroom for example is a complete mess at the moment (and no time to tidy it before he comes) and I'd hate for him to have a nose and see it! If he left with us he would be able to go to various local cafes for a few hours, or has to go into central London to get the train to the airport anyway so could find stuff to do there etc. I get that it could be inconvenient though.

This may cause issues the next time he stays as well as that time I will be working from home, but I work in our sitting room and would find it really distracting to have him around during the day - as it's a one bed flat the only other place for him to go would be the tiny kitchen.

So, AIBU in not wanting him to stay in the flat after we've left for work?

I think YABU. Unless he's very nosy he won't go into your bedroom .

tethersend Sun 10-Nov-13 10:47:10

I see your point, but YABU overall.

He's not a stranger. I think it would be quite rude to chuck him out at 8.30 if he's got the whole day to kill.

Can you or DH take the morning off?

SilverApples Sun 10-Nov-13 10:47:48

Yes, I think you are.

MrsBungleScare Sun 10-Nov-13 10:47:56

Tbh I think it would be very rude of you to tell your bil to leave your house when you go to work. It's not at all hospitable.

FlashDrive Sun 10-Nov-13 10:48:32

YABU and rude

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 10-Nov-13 10:48:46

Honestly? You want him to kick his brother out? He wouldn't feel very welcome. Of course you shouldn't do that!

SavoyCabbage Sun 10-Nov-13 10:49:27

Yabu. I would think you were rude if I went to stay with my brother for one night and I was turfed out at 8.30. He's your husbands brother. Would you feel the same about someone in your family?

He's not going to go in your bedroom. He's going to watch the tv or similar. He's not going to think badly of you for having a messy home. At least not worse than he is if you boot him out.

SilverApples Sun 10-Nov-13 10:49:38

If you can't stand it, tell him before hand so that he has a choice of staying with friends or having a B&B. I'd be very unhappy if my OH treated a guest like that, and he is an antisocial grump.

MrsMinkBernardLundy Sun 10-Nov-13 10:50:27

I think YABU. Imagine how you would feel in his shoes.
Just say, sorry bedroom is a total tip, i would be so embarrassed if you saw it, but feel free to hang out for the day...or whatever.

notapizzaeater Sun 10-Nov-13 10:50:34

He's family, I'd not ask them to leave.

WhoNickedMyName Sun 10-Nov-13 10:51:23

YABU.

I could understand if he only had an hour to kill, he could go to the airport early, but a whole day, no, that's rude.

ICameOnTheJitney Sun 10-Nov-13 10:52:04

He is family! YABVU!!

Crowler Sun 10-Nov-13 10:52:27

That's rude and would cause familial tension.

I think YABU.

Also, if you don't see DH's brother very often, could your DH take the day off? He could spend some time with his brother, perhaps take him to lunch on the way to the airport? It would mean a bit more time spent together AND it would mean the brother was not left in the flat on his own (and once they are out to lunch they won't be in the flat at all)

Chocotrekkie Sun 10-Nov-13 10:54:00

I would be quite upset tbh if my brother told me that I have to leave at 8:30 cause he doesn't trust me enough to leave me in his house.

Really what could he do - look at your messy bedroom ??

If you are working from home just ignore him and kind of "mmmm" noises if he talks to you. If he is a decent bloke he will leave you in peace anyway.

mousmous Sun 10-Nov-13 10:54:16

yanbu
I would do the same. unless he could take the spare keys with him?
I wouln't have him put them through the letter box, thieves can use wires to fish for them.

deepfriedsage Sun 10-Nov-13 10:54:38

Take a work from home day so you can monitor him, and prevent him examining your knicker and bra drawer.

YABU! Get a grip!

ZacharyQuack Sun 10-Nov-13 10:55:42

If he's going away for a few weeks, won't he have luggage? Do you expect him to lug bags around London all day after you turf him out at 8:30?

Ruprekt Sun 10-Nov-13 10:56:10

YAVU

I would never do that to someone esp family.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood Sun 10-Nov-13 10:58:21

I wouldn't ask family to leave (unless I really disliked them). ANyone else would be turfed out.

Selks Sun 10-Nov-13 10:59:07

I'd go and tidy your bedroom, if that is a source of anxiety for you, then let him stay as long as he likes. I think it's pretty unreasonable to ask him to leave when you do, and kind of sends the message that he can't be trusted.

JohnnyFontaneCannaeSing Sun 10-Nov-13 11:00:01

So you want to boot him out cause you've got a messy bedroom. Get a grip. Rude.

beals692 Sun 10-Nov-13 11:01:04

I'd feel uncomfortable with it too (especially about them forgetting to lock up properly) although if it was family I'd probably feel that I had to let them stay. Btw, how far is he travelling from? It just seems a bit odd that his reasons for visiting are:

a) because you are near the airport - but apparently his flight is very late in the day as he has to hang around London all day. (I live up north so if I had a morning or midday flight from Heathrow/Gatwick I'd travel down the night before but, if it was later in the day, I could easily travel down there the same day.)

b) because he's coming to visit you - but you'll actually be out at work most of the time so he'll mainly be 'visiting' your empty flat.

BrianTheMole Sun 10-Nov-13 11:01:34

YABU. Sorry. Why don't you just really go for it today and clear your bedroom. Be ruthless. Chuck out things you don't need, use the clothes bank, put stuff on free cycle. You will feel much happier then, and you'll be able to leave bil with no stress.

tenementfunster Sun 10-Nov-13 11:03:02

unless you have some sort of anxiety problem which may explain things, YABU

Parsnipcake Sun 10-Nov-13 11:03:11

I think he would quite rightly judge you far more for chucking him out than for having a messy bedroom - maybe tidy it up a bit anyway because it's good for your own sanity to have a nice bedroom!

dovaffanculo Sun 10-Nov-13 11:03:24

YABU .That is such a rude and disrespectful way to treat a close family member. He will probably stay in bed until about 20 minutes before he has to get ready to leave anyway.But you want him to traipse about London with his bags instead ?

What if the positions were reversed and it was you in a strange town hanging around all day in cafes etc while your brothers flat lay empty?

Make a set of keys for him to keep until he comes back.Teach him how to lock the door when you give him the keys. Im assuming that he is an adult who is competent enough to be able to fly to distant parts all alone so surely he can lock a door and look after a key?

LowLevelWhinging Sun 10-Nov-13 11:03:38

YABVVU!

How mean!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Sun 10-Nov-13 11:03:39

Very unreasonable I'm afraid. Just tidy your bedroom - how bad can it be? confused

BitsinTatters Sun 10-Nov-13 11:03:46

Sorry I think YABU

He's your brother in law...

He's not going to go snooping. No ones house / flat is perfect he won't expect that but if he is travelling the last thing he probably wants is to be lurking around killing time.

SpencerPercival Sun 10-Nov-13 11:04:12

What have you left there?!

Melbourme Sun 10-Nov-13 11:05:44

Seems that I am definitely being unreasonable then!

Just to cover a few questions - yes I would feel the same about a member of my own family, guess I just have issues! (I don't really like people staying in the flat in general as we're always so on top of each other and you have that awkward 'what time do we go to bed' scenario as they'll be sleeping in the sitting room). Unfortunately neither of us can take the day off as we have no holiday left and I can't work from home on that day either. I'm not sure going out to lunch together is something they would do in any case - they do get on, they just don't have a particularly close bond where they socialise together etc.

And just to explain the bedroom paranoia - my DH's comment when I said I felt uncomfortable about it was 'the worst he'll do is have a nose in the bedroom and see how messy it is'.

What I wanted to be able to say is that he needed to leave with us because of the double locking issue, and then we would be able to say the same next time when I'm working from home so we're not both sat in silence in our sitting room whilst I'm trying to concentrate and feeling bad for ignoring him.

SilverApples Sun 10-Nov-13 11:06:22

Couldn't you put yourself out for a couple of days to make your DH happy?

Maryz Sun 10-Nov-13 11:07:19

Get a lock for your bedroom door.

Tenacity Sun 10-Nov-13 11:07:33

YABU
Does family not mean anything anymore? This is the 'me me' attitude in action. hmm
Your home being untidy is a none issue. You are merely putting barriers in the way.

Melbourme Sun 10-Nov-13 11:08:07

Oh, and someone else asked about it being weird that he's coming to visit us but we're out at work - we're mainly a convenient stop over point for him but it's a bonus that we'll get to see him for dinner the night before.

DrHolmes Sun 10-Nov-13 11:09:05

I dont know why he cant lock up and post the spare keys through your own door?

YABU.

And don't let your bedroom get so messy in future! :P

Melbourme Sun 10-Nov-13 11:10:08

We live in a block of flats so posting them through the front door of the block (we don't have a separate letter box) wouldn't be safe.

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps Sun 10-Nov-13 11:10:15

YABVU give the guy a break and let him watch telly in your house!! Could he not put your keys back through your own letterbox? Or keep the keys until next time?

deepfriedsage Sun 10-Nov-13 11:11:41

Get spare keys cut for guests and a lock for your bedroom.

yabu.

come on, it's family

optimusic Sun 10-Nov-13 11:13:14

Instead of being on here, go and tidy the bedroom.

Surely you don't both work 7 days, 24 hours a day, so there is time to tidy.

If you simply cannot be bothered, put a lock on the bedroom door.

But no, you cannot ask him to leave. Lugging luggage around all day is not at all convenient.

cheeseandpineapple Sun 10-Nov-13 11:13:18

You seem to trust your sister but not your brother in law. Your sister could use the keys after he drops them at her place to come over and snoop at yours. Guessing though she wouldn't and you don't have a problem with her having your keys.

I'd be fucking unimpressed in your husband's shoes and bet you would never chuck your sister out if it was her coming to stay. She lives round the corner from you and sounds like you're close. Your husband doesn't live round the corner from his brother but if they did chances are they'd be closer than they are now but I don't think closeness is relevant here.

But if you say you would chuck your sister out too in the same circumstances, then you would be doubly unreasonable!

trixymalixy Sun 10-Nov-13 11:13:29

YABU.

ZacharyQuack Sun 10-Nov-13 11:13:52

But next time he stays with you, double locking won't be an issue because you'll still be there.

cheeseandpineapple Sun 10-Nov-13 11:14:47

Cross posts, you seem to be saying you'd kick your sister out too, lighten up!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Sun 10-Nov-13 11:15:48

Tidy bedroom - work in there that day? Don't know how practical that is in reality - but it's just one day. It does sound like you're putting barriers in the way.

IAlwaysThought Sun 10-Nov-13 11:17:10

Sorry but it's another YABU.

Tidy the bedroom if you want but I doubt he would care or notice if he is anything like any of my relatives.

Tidy your bedroom. Seriously how bad is it that you are that embarrassed?

Maryz Sun 10-Nov-13 11:17:52

Yes, give him keys, let him lock up and take them on holidays and give them back when he comes back.

And lock your bedroom or anything you don't want him to see.

I doubt very much he would want to nose around your bedroom - why would he?

McFox Sun 10-Nov-13 11:18:11

YANTU and rude.

Thats not going to encourage them to become any closer is it?!

We have friends to stay quiet often and they always get a set of keys to drop through the door when they leave.

Melbourme Sun 10-Nov-13 11:18:13

Zachary - it wouldn't be an issue but it would be a good excuse as to why he needs to leave with us (rather than the more blunt 'it would be distracting for me to have you here') - I'd be out for an hour first thing and then back for the rest of the day.

exexpat Sun 10-Nov-13 11:19:00

I understand your feelings, but YABU. Presumably if he is on the way to the airport he has luggage, so you would be chucking him out on the street with bags to cart around all day until his flight. Not good.

Maryz Sun 10-Nov-13 11:20:08

And when he comes back, would it kill your dh to take a morning off/go in late to have brunch with him before he heads home?

HotCrossPun Sun 10-Nov-13 11:21:14

Just tidy your room.

MadgeBishop Sun 10-Nov-13 11:21:24

Yabu.

Solo Sun 10-Nov-13 11:21:51

I am the most paranoid private person in the world, but even I think YABU!

Maryz Sun 10-Nov-13 11:22:13

X-posts.

You really don't want him at all do you? sad

It might be kinder to just tell him so. If I was him I would rather pay for a hotel, or come up on the morning of my flight than wander around London with all my luggage for hours.

Melbourme Sun 10-Nov-13 11:27:35

Maryz - in general I don't like people staying in the flat but I am actually glad that he is staying with us as I'm looking forward to seeing him, it's just someone being in the flat when we're not here that makes me feel uncomfortable. Plus the difficulty of when he comes the next time and I will be working in the sitting room (the only room he can also relax in) so he won't be able to watch TV etc, but will just have to sit in silence reading a book or something!

Clearly from the resounding YABU I just have weird issues about this though.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 10-Nov-13 11:31:18

Just what manner of sex toys are you attempting to conceal in this bedroom you are so worried about BIL seeing..!?

reelingintheyears Sun 10-Nov-13 11:31:30

No need for me to add another YABU then. grin

PeppiNephrine Sun 10-Nov-13 11:32:00

yabu. tidy your bedroom and work in there when he comes again.

If you don't want guests don't invite them to stay. This half arsed "stay but piss off fast" is beyond rude. Also try and remember that its not just your flat.

TheDoctrineOfWho Sun 10-Nov-13 11:32:40

OP, when he cones back, he may well be happy to go and read in a cafe while you work - the main thing is being able to leave his bags, surely?

Salmotrutta Sun 10-Nov-13 11:35:55

If I can put up with my SIL staying for 10 days then you can jolly well let your BIL hang out at yours until he has to get his flight grin.

Just let him shove your keys through your sister's door!

Don't be rotten.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sun 10-Nov-13 11:36:46

I thought YWBU until you said that DH mentioned 'oh, he may just nosy through our PRIVATE bedroom.'

On that alone, YADNBU.

shushpenfold Sun 10-Nov-13 11:37:35

Sorry - YADBU

Maryz Sun 10-Nov-13 11:38:07

I do think you have to get over it.

The second time he might not be staying late, anyway, surely he will be heading home. Can you work in your bedroom, or go to the library for a couple of hours?

It's not like he's there tat often or for long.

Here, have a friendly [grip]

grin

Melbourme Sun 10-Nov-13 11:38:08

Peppi - no space to work in the bedroom unfortunately. And not that it matters but we didn't actually invite him to stay - he asked if he could stay the night at ours as he needed to go to the airport the next day. Not that whether we invited him or not effects things really. I know it's not just my flat - hence asking on here to help settle the discussion we were having. My DH is pleased that this has all come out on his side though! And I clearly just have weird personal space issues.

misskatamari Sun 10-Nov-13 11:40:15

In terms of when you are working from home - can't you just tell him you will be at home working and will be doing so in the lounge without distractions so he might want to go out an about that day?

PeppiNephrine Sun 10-Nov-13 11:40:49

you can work sitting on your bed. I did for years.

Salmotrutta Sun 10-Nov-13 11:40:58

I don't actually know any men who would be that interested I nosying around someone else's bedroom hmm

A garden shed maybe so they could indulge in power tool envy... But a bedroom? Not so much.

Inertia Sun 10-Nov-13 11:41:14

I think YABU- if it's just a case of leaving half an hour earlier you could justifiably suggest all leaving together, but expecting him to carry his luggage around all day is a bit mean.

Why can't you and DH tidy up beforehand? Has the BIL got form for rummaging in other people's stuff, or theft- if so I wouldn't invite him at all.

When you're working from home, tell him beforehand that he's welcome to stay overnight but you'll need him to be out of the house between X and Y o'clock as you'll be working from home.

Tenacity Sun 10-Nov-13 11:41:51

OP sometimes being part of family means foregoing a bit of comfort to accommodate other people's needs. The World can't always revolve around us and and our needs.

I think you will gain a lot if you remove the barriers you've placed around yourself and home. You might find yourself actually enjoying the experience, and that you get closer to others.

howmuchwouldyoutake Sun 10-Nov-13 11:45:21

How untidy can your bedroom possibly be that you can't tidy it before he comes?? Just let the poor bloke stay. I'm sure he won't even think yo go in your room!

Retroformica Sun 10-Nov-13 11:46:57

YABU. Let him have a relaxing morning in your flat.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 10-Nov-13 11:47:54

I'm actually with you here OP. I hate having people in my space when I'm not there.

Then again, DPs parents have previously gone through my handbag, read my post and read my diary while they were in our hallway and I was ill.

The last time they came and I was out, they gave DP the third degree over whether I clean the house well enough, and if I wash his clothes because he smelt a bit dusty.

I do let them stay. It doesn't get less weird. Some people are just nosy. I don't think you can kick him out though unless you tell him before he comes - tell him he's fine to stay but will have to leave at 8.30am. At least he gets the choice that way. And his flight shouldn't be too late in the day anyway?

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sun 10-Nov-13 11:48:12

OP's husband's casual 'oh yeah he might have a nosy' is the only thing that would put me off.

OralB Sun 10-Nov-13 11:52:45

YABU.

If you're that anxious about him seeing your messy room just tidy it. He's family for gods sake

Ruffcat Sun 10-Nov-13 11:54:18

I also don't think you want him there, you honestly want him to walk around London with all his stuff possibly getting rained on, because you don't want him to look in your bedroom.

Either tidy up! Or be embassed about the untidy room.

lottiegarbanzo Sun 10-Nov-13 11:54:18

YABU, you're not running a youth hostel.

Surely if you stress the importance of double-locking an show him how, he'll do it? Why do you think he wouldn't? Can't he post spare keys back brought your door?

Working from him is a trickier issue but I think you just need to be upfront and say that there can be no TV or talking, so he'd probably prefer to go out and here are some suggestions.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sun 10-Nov-13 11:55:20

But why should someone (family or not) that you're not close to be in your bedroom anyway? That's a genuine question, no snark!

I guess I find it difficult to imagine a normal person happily ruffling through private things, cause, y'know, they're family and it's their right? confused

TwoShakesOfaWhiskersTail Sun 10-Nov-13 11:55:22

You're being selfish. Nothing to do with how close you are, just common courtesy to be kind and accommodating to others.

Laquitar Sun 10-Nov-13 11:57:21

If you always live your life like this you will make yourself ill.

You seem to get so stressed over something so trivial. He will chill out and surf the net before he goes to the airport. I dont think he is dying to see your bedroom, honestly.

Do you suffer from anxiety or are you just totally unwilling to compromise? If it is anxiety you should see your doctor.

Strumpetron Sun 10-Nov-13 11:57:23

Poor BIL

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sun 10-Nov-13 11:58:46

Anyone who trifled merrily through my drawers (regardless of blood relation) would never be welcome in my house again.

No normal person does that unless they're looking for cooking utensils/etc... Which obviously won't be in your and DH's room,

The fact DH is blasé about him going through private things would concern me.

Yes, even if he is family.

Yamyoid Sun 10-Nov-13 12:04:22

Yabu and mean.
Talk to him. Explain you have to work so he might need a good book. Apologise about leaving him in the flat on his own and the mess.
Ask him what time he goes to bed and if it's too early for you, read a book in bed.

Strumpetron Sun 10-Nov-13 12:08:42

The fact DH is blasé about him going through private things would concern me

It was probably an off the cuff remark, a joke.

exexpat Sun 10-Nov-13 12:11:14

Yes, I read that as a jokey remark too - "What's the worst he could do?" rather than a statement that the BiL had a habit of or was likely to rummage through the OP's bedroom.

Caitlin17 Sun 10-Nov-13 12:15:04

If you don't have a letter box where is your mail delivered? Is there a set of locked mail boxes he could pop the key into?

bragmatic Sun 10-Nov-13 12:18:17

If my brother made that request of me, I'd stay in a hotel. Not to be difficult, it would just make me feel incredibly uncomfortable, knowing that he didn't trust me.

BettyBotter Sun 10-Nov-13 12:28:30

He's family fgs. (Unless he has a track record of theft, drug taking or violence YABU).

Picture yourself visiting relatives that you like and enjoy seeing. They tell you they don't trust you in their house alone so you will need to leave their house. How exactly would you feel?

AnandaTimeIn Sun 10-Nov-13 12:32:54

I can understand you feel uncomfortable with someone who may (or may not) nosy around your bedroom. You just don't know if he will.

That's the reason I have a lock on my bedroom door (live in a flat too), so that when I'm away my son can have his mates over without me stressing if they are going to go in there. I keep all my administration in there too anyway.

NicknameIncomplete Sun 10-Nov-13 12:46:15

I stayed for 3 days at one of my childless friends one bed flat with a small child in tow. I was given a key and left to my own devices.

Thats the way it should be with house guests. If you arent comfortable doing that i wouldnt have your bil stay at all.

Maryz Sun 10-Nov-13 13:03:24

But who says he intends to have a nosy in the bedroom confused

Her dh just said "the worst that will happen is that he'll have a nosy" - he was trying to reassure her that nothing would happen.

Maryz Sun 10-Nov-13 13:03:37

Or what Strumpton and exexpat said, sorry.

valiumredhead Sun 10-Nov-13 13:24:30

Yabu and unwelcoming but you've probably gathered that by nowwink

Go and tidy your bedroom!grin

Blu Sun 10-Nov-13 13:32:19

YABU, he is family, and it isn't much fun spending the day in London lugging a massive travelling bag. And why should it be necessary to chuck your BIL on to the street?

When he comes again and is there when you are wfh just be clear with him. Tell him nicely that his bedroom magically becomes your office on the stroke of 9am so why doesn't he set himself a day of sightseeing and you'll all see him when he comes back for a shared meal at ? o'clock.

gamerchick Sun 10-Nov-13 13:36:24

Good excuse to tidy your bedroom if it bothers you.

Yes you have personal space issues.. I couldn't imagine kicking someone out in the cold that time of the morning to knock about for the day.

Show him how to lock the door.. let him do it in front of you so you can check if it makes you feel better.

DuckToWater Sun 10-Nov-13 13:42:31

YABU. So what if he sees your messy bedroom anyway? Why doesn't he pop your key back through YOUR letter box, if it's a spare?

mumofweeboys Sun 10-Nov-13 13:45:21

I would say this time you will have to suck it up and let him stay in the flat, anything else is just rude. Explain to him that your working from home next time that he stays and would he mind perhaps going out for the morning.

PersilOrAriel Sun 10-Nov-13 13:48:57

He's your BROTHER-in-law. Therefore a man, he probably won't even notice the mess. Sorry for the sweeping generalisation but I find that men tend to notice messiness much less than women do.

And if you're that paranoid about it, then tidy it up!

Vev Sun 10-Nov-13 14:20:43

YABU.

Doesn't sound like you want him there at all. Kinder to tell him not to come. smile

BackforGood Sun 10-Nov-13 14:40:25

Have to agree with the majority - YABU, but, to be fair, you seem to have taken that on board.

ThePinkOcelot Sun 10-Nov-13 14:47:51

If he's coming one night this week then you can tidy it up, can't you?!

YABVU.

I remember when DH and I went to stay with a couple we met on holiday for the weekend. They went off to work on the Monday morning and just left us to get ourselves sorted in the morning and leave when we were ready. TBH it never entered my head to go snooping around their bedroom.

Yabvvvvvvvvu. That is all.

elskovs Mon 11-Nov-13 10:10:25

It sounds like he is using you as a free hotel.

My husband is foreign and his family are always trying to come over to "visit" but really they just want to use us as a place to stay during the Olympics/football match/music concert/trip to London etc.

I find reasons why we cant because they never visited us when we lived in his home country. Not even when the kids were born. Now we live in happening Great Britain they all want to visit.

Now he is an employer one of his younger brothers is wanting a work experience placement. No chance you freeloader

poopadoop Mon 11-Nov-13 10:21:52

maybe a key issue here is that you're having a disagreement with your DH. This is his brother, so I think it is more up to him than you, and so you should be more welcoming and just give him the keys.

Pearlsaplenty Mon 11-Nov-13 10:48:23

Yanbu if for you know he is untrustworthy, unreliable or dishonest.

Yabu if the above does not apply. Just remind him to lock up properly and double check that everything is turned off etc as you are worried.

CoffeeTea103 Mon 11-Nov-13 11:02:09

How messy is your room confused. Yabu

moldingsunbeams Mon 11-Nov-13 11:42:06

YABU , Your bedroom must be really really messy.

MuddlingMackem Mon 11-Nov-13 12:09:24

Actually, I think YANBU.

Mainly because he's just using your place as a stopover and not staying for a few days holiday.

In his shoes I'd be asking what time you were heading out the next day expecting to leave at the same time and just spend the day at the airport if necessary. If he doesn't want to do that he should have found himself a more convenient flight time.

Anchoress Mon 11-Nov-13 12:13:08

OP, I think you're getting a hard time. When we lived in a tiny London flat, I loathed having anyone to stay, even close friends and family. Now we live in a fairly large house in the country, I am much more at ease and really enjoy people staying, because there's plenty of living space, a spare bedroom, an extra bathroom etc etc.

I realise that I wasn't being inhospitable in London, it was just being on top of one another all the time, and the small living room being the visitors' bedroom and their luggage on the floor because there was nowhere else for it, and having to sneak past them asleep to get a glass of water or go to the loo (kitchen and bathroom both led off living room) etc etc. I think people who live in houses have no idea how small a small London flat can be!

OP, I think you would be unreasonable to kick him out when you go to work, but I think you should make it clear that when he stays again on his way back from his trip, you will be using the living room to work in, and you're sure he would rather go out than have to sit all day in silence!

overfacebook Mon 11-Nov-13 20:39:14

YABU!

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