to refuse to show colleagues..

(228 Posts)
Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 20:34:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahAndFuck Fri 08-Nov-13 20:38:12


It's up to him to show people if he wants to, or to say that he doesn't mind if you share the pictures at work.

People are used to too much sharing though, and see nothing wrong in covering Facebook and the like with other people's business, so this has probably come as a shock to them.

Rowlers Fri 08-Nov-13 20:39:09

Honestly? A bit weird. A baby is a baby. One quick look, a couple of "oohs" and then you move on. People like baby pics. Can't really see the harm.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 08-Nov-13 20:41:20

If they view it on your phone what is the big deal? What could they possibly do? Maybe ask your colleague if he minds, if he does then just tell them that. If not show them, simple?

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 20:44:12

I think you are acting really odd to be honest. Its a picture of a baby. I think your colleagues must think you are a bit strange. Sorry to say but true.

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 20:45:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotALondoner Fri 08-Nov-13 20:47:48

I agree with you OP. His baby, his pleasure to show the photos.

ratspeaker Fri 08-Nov-13 20:48:36

Why not just ask him if it's ok to show the pix around the workplace?
If he says no, then you can tell colleagues that
If he yes, go ahead then, no problems

misspontypine Fri 08-Nov-13 20:48:57

YABU. If he was that worried he wouldn't have sent the photos to you.

I think he would like a text saying "everyone in the office has been cooing over the photo of the new baby, he/she really is adorable, we all send our love."

I wouls only say that maybe don't show photos if the baby/mum is very poorly and maybe the photos could trigger sad memories in others.

puntasticusername Fri 08-Nov-13 20:49:12

Have you asked baby's dad what he'd prefer you to do? I think your most reasonable course of action is to follow his wishes on the matter.

Ok, I do appreciate he's probably got his hands a bit full right now and may not necessarily welcome the question smile

CMOTDibbler Fri 08-Nov-13 20:49:15

YABU. Unless he told you not to, he'll be expecting that you'll have shared pics with the rest of the office

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 08-Nov-13 20:49:45

Why did you tell them he'd sent you photos?

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 20:51:41

My Managing Directors wife had a baby recently and he text me a photo. I showed the whole office, he was delighted when he came back to work and everyone said they had all seen the picture and the baby was gorgeous. OP is your work colleague a bit of a strange one and you are trying to protect/not upset him.

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 20:52:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

defineme Fri 08-Nov-13 20:52:17

You're being really weird, unless he specifically said not to. I wouldn't care, but I'd think you were strange and attention seeking in your refusal.
You did ask!

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 20:54:46

Why would OP NOT tell everyone he had sent a photo. Its a picture of his baby not his nob. Jeez. This is a non issue being made into one.

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 20:54:47

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OutragedFromLeeds Fri 08-Nov-13 20:55:21

Unless he had told you not to show anyone or he has form for being very private I would think he would assume you would show others. That's what people do with baby photos.

Why haven't you asked him?

You do sound a bit odd, I can see where the others are coming from.

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 20:55:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Canthisonebeused Fri 08-Nov-13 20:55:52

I think what you are doing is a bit odd and all the things your colleagues say. Do you like the power of having these pictures and his friendship over others in the office? Unless there is reason he has specified he doesn't want the pics shown otherwise why assume he doesn't. It also is odd you know others want to see them and you haven't just said to him do you mind me showing the pics off in the office everyone is so keen to see your new baby.

Did he ask you specifically not to show them to his colleagues?

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 08-Nov-13 20:57:35

'Why would OP NOT tell everyone he had sent a photo'

because she knows they'd want to see it, but doesn't want to show anyone?

OP: I've got a lovely picture of X's new baby.
Colleague: Ahhhh, let's have a look.
OP: No.
Colleague: Oh....confused

Good point, why tell them he had sent you photos?

Yabvvvvvu - how strange. It makes you sound precious and odd. If you were my colleague, I'd be thinking that you're bonkers tbh.

phantomnamechanger Fri 08-Nov-13 21:00:30

I think, out of courtesy, its right to check whether the parents want the pictures shown to others, or want to do that themselves. Rather like MILs stealing DILs thunder by announcing pg to all and sundry when asked to keep it quiet.

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:00:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

misspontypine Fri 08-Nov-13 21:01:38

I think it is just about respecting someone else's really special time.

I am sure he has more to think about that if his co-workers see a photo of his baby.

lunar1 Fri 08-Nov-13 21:01:55

You are attention seeking. If you weren't going to show them you shouldn't have told anybody you have them. Does it make you feel important?

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:03:14

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OutragedFromLeeds Fri 08-Nov-13 21:03:27

There is no need to repeat.

I was answering Mylovelyboy.

You answered when asked. I know.

Sirzy Fri 08-Nov-13 21:06:29

If you didn't want to show people the photo you shouldn't have said you had one.

You seem to be trying to make this isn't an issue it isn't really. I doubt most new parents would have a problem with their colleagues seeing a photo, infact most people would probably assume if they sent one colleague a photo they would show the others

Sirzy Fri 08-Nov-13 21:07:12

If I asked someone directly if they had a photo of something and then they refused to show me I would think they were being rather odd TBH.

Bue Fri 08-Nov-13 21:07:39

This is very weird behaviour, I think. What on earth will happen if you show colleagues a photo of the baby?

StanleyLambchop Fri 08-Nov-13 21:09:54

why is it attention seeking?

ooh, Mr Colleague has just sent pics of the baby, Squeeee!, Lovely, can we see? No, its secret, special and only for close friends, nah nah nah nah nahna.

It makes you sound about five, that's why. Do you want people to think you are special? Just show the photos, otherwise you run the risk of putting people off, so that when he does come back people just go 'yeah, whatever'. Which would be more upsetting to your friend, I am sure. YABU!

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:10:10

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SarahPercyAndBill Fri 08-Nov-13 21:10:37

You're sort of saying he only sent it to me to see, not the rest of you. I too would find you odd. And I think the dad won't appreciate the negative drama you're creating in the office about his baby's picture.

FannyFifer Fri 08-Nov-13 21:10:44

Wtf. Just show them a pic of the baby.

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:11:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YABU and very odd and precious. confused

So nearly everybody says that you were being strange, and you just keep saying that you were not. Honestly, this is such a non-issue that your further protesting makes you seem even more unreasonable. This is odd behaviour - it really is.

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 21:14:01

OP your colleagues know you have the photos because they asked you and you said yes. Anyone normal 'sorry to say that but you are acting abnormal' would have shown the photos there and then. All cooing over the baby etc. I think people on this thread are right to be honest. You are acting really strange and secretive. I think you are making yourself look really silly at work and not doing yourself any favour to be honest. Sorry to be harsh but you need telling as you did ask

GideonKipper Fri 08-Nov-13 21:15:00

I think it's a bit odd tbh.

I agree with Canthisonebeused upthread. It almost comes across like you're the <dramatic music> "chosen one" privileged to receive the photos and you're going to do everything in your power to stop others seeing them (exaggerating but you get my drift).

Presumably you're sending colleague the odd text to ask how things are? You could just tack on the end a simple question - is it okay to show the photos, everyone's dying to see?

Your colleague will have loads more up to date ones he'll want to show off when he gets back to work anyway.

How on earth is showing your colleagues in the office a pic on a mobile going to intrude on their "special time"?

Is the baby North West [grin} and they're holding out for a Hello deal? grin

StanleyLambchop Fri 08-Nov-13 21:17:02

I have read your OP and subsequent posts, and see nothing that changes my mind about my post. Just lighten up and show them the photos!

Yabu, too, because of the use of 'Squeeeee' which makes anybody sound unreasonable, imho.

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 21:19:50

Why should you have lied ? why would you have felt odd showing the picture? ffs it gets more bizarre. Anyone for gin and tonic grin

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:20:27

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CuntWagon Fri 08-Nov-13 21:22:23

What could possibly be private about a picture if a baby. It's just a new human, it will be seen by other humans when out and about. You must sound very odd to your colleagues.

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:22:29

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Kleptronic Fri 08-Nov-13 21:22:32

Well I'm with you OP. I do have an overdeveloped sense of confidentiality though. I would also have lied when people asked if I had pictures, even though I hate lying, to avoid the 'ooh you think you're so special' brigade. It's up to the parents to share - ask them if you can, otherwise don't.

mirry2 Fri 08-Nov-13 21:22:46

I would show them the pictures. When I had my dd I told a work colleague, expecting her to let everyone else know. Turned out she told nobody so when I took the baby in to show them (as you do) none had any idea about sex, name etc (obviously knew I'd had a baby as I was on maternity leave)

2goatytocare Fri 08-Nov-13 21:23:45

Attention seeker extradionare

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:25:19

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Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 21:25:47

Sorry to much gin confused have you shagged this bloke in the past. Something not right about the whole thing. Not goading just asking. Dont answer if you dont want to. Was rude of me to ask blush

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:27:39

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Kleptronic Fri 08-Nov-13 21:28:29

Ach never mind Coldlight me and you can have a weirdo attention-seeking quiche. I'm not even on that there Facebook and would be apoplectic if my kid turned up on there! Although how I'd know I'm not quite sure. grin

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 21:29:23

Bless you OP forgive me. Would not make you less odd grin thanks just show the bloody pics ffs

Sirzy Fri 08-Nov-13 21:30:40

but this isn't about pictures being out there in the ether, it is showing a photo that he has happily sent you to someone to look at for a few seconds do the normal "oohh and ahh" and carry on with the day.

Really you are creating issues where they needn't exist

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:30:43

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Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:31:39

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ilovesooty Fri 08-Nov-13 21:32:48

I think the OP's getting a really hard time here. She only said she had the photos when she was asked directly and she's simply wondering about showing them to everyone else. I'm not sure I'd want to show them in her position without the father's permission, or at the very least I'd wonder whether I should.

misspontypine Fri 08-Nov-13 21:35:44

mylovely I was thinking exactly the same, I just couldn't think how to phrase it.

I can imagine the guy bring his child into work in a Mj style blanket over the baby's head.

I don't think you are BU. I'd have been pissed if a close work colleague started showing other not as close work colleagues pictures of my baby. Might sound daft to some but he's my baby and I wanted to answer the questions about him and show the pictures of him.

Rowlers Fri 08-Nov-13 21:37:17

I agree you're getting a bit of a hard time on here!
I don't see that you are being deliberately secretive etc.
BUT I think you have made the wrong choice, albeit with the best of intentions for your work colleague.
Imagine your work colleague returning to work with everyone telling him how beautiful the pics of his new baby are.
Better that than "No, Coldlightofday wouldn't show us"

AlpacaPicnic Fri 08-Nov-13 21:38:10

I don't think yabu actually. Could you just say 'I will check with dad to see if he minds or if he'd rather show you himself' then just keep saying that you haven't heard from him until you get an answer.

I think it is his news to tell... If he wanted the whole office to see pictures, he would have emailed the whole office, not just texted you privately.

Personally I think that your colleagues are the ones being wierd by demanding to see pictures that you are obviously not comfortable sharing.

defineme Fri 08-Nov-13 21:40:10

I didn't mean you were attention seeking because you'd drawn attention to it and then said no-I did understand your op.
I actually meant you were attention seeking (or would appear to be as I think you're really well intentioned but misguided and really intense!) because by saying no because you felt 'uncomfortable' it's making a drama out of absolutely nothing at all. people have babies all the time, 1000s every day.Yes it's a big deal to the parents, but if they get precious about you flashing a pic to their colleagues then they're precious too!

Rowlers Fri 08-Nov-13 21:45:42

Also, sorry to say this but I suspect you've been called other things behind your back besides "precious" and "unreasonable".

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:47:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 08-Nov-13 21:48:14

I don't think yabu.

I wouldn't go flashing pictures unless I knew it was wanted not with a prem baby in nicu.

But then again I'm a bit sensitive at the mo as I've not long got out of hospital with one and discovered a few odd announcements and stuff and it gave me the rage.

Kleptronic Fri 08-Nov-13 21:49:45

Yeah I'm just going to say it again, YANBU. And if people really are thinking that of you then they haven't got enough on!

2goatytocare Fri 08-Nov-13 21:52:23

thanks for sock and microsock

mamapants Fri 08-Nov-13 21:55:37

Think its a bit odd tbh. I texted a photo to a work colleague, my assumption was she'd show it to the rest of the team not hide it.
Surely when you've just had a baby you're a bit preoccupied to give two hoots as to who has seen what photo and via who.

fridayfridayfriday Fri 08-Nov-13 21:57:14

This is strange. I agree with the op 100 per cent. It is not up to her to show others the pictures without checking with the parents. Op I would be hopping mad if I found that you had shown my newborn around without my consent.

Rowlers Fri 08-Nov-13 21:57:54

Just being realistic! If your colleagues are using those terms(precious etc) to your face, surely they must have strong opinions on how you're handling it. That's all.
I'm not justifying it. But think about it.

BillyBanter Fri 08-Nov-13 21:58:53

Just ask him if it's ok to show them.

If I was sending pics to a friend at work of a new baby I'd say if I didn't want them to let other people at work see. If he has time to send them he has time to say 'yes that's ok' or 'no thank you'.

OutragedFromLeeds Fri 08-Nov-13 22:06:52

'Op I would be hopping mad if I found that you had shown my newborn around without my consent.'

Be careful who you send pictures to then because, as you can see from this thread, it's a normal thing to show the pictures round the office (unless specifically told not to).

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 22:13:24

Sorry to stick beak in again but Rowlers is right. confused by all this. OP im sure you are a very nice person and all that but think you should show the pics to your colleagues. When new dad comes back to work and all the women are flaffing around him asking about the baby and he prob shows them a picture you are going to feel and look silly.

kikid Fri 08-Nov-13 22:17:13

yabu & wierd

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 22:17:16

Outraged - why would you be hopping mad. Are you Royal by any chance confused

Garcia10 Fri 08-Nov-13 22:28:11

You are obviously his favourite colleague. He only wants you to look at pictures of his baby and you are absolutely right not to share with anyone else.

Don't check with him that he sent the pictures thinking that you would share them and keep your position as the favoured and special one which is clearly what he wants. Just remember that the birth of your colleagues' child is all about you.

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 22:37:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 22:39:35

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Garcia10 Fri 08-Nov-13 22:41:52

I was going to apologise but it would be insincere. You are being utterly precious and turning it all around to you. In your colleague's position I would expect you to to share the photos. You are being attention seeking and quite pathetic.

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 22:46:44

OP I know you dont have a problem with him showing photos. What im saying is this:- In you holding back the photos like a secret squirrel and your colleagues thinking you are strange. When he does come back and all the women are flaffing around him and he probably shows them a picture. The colleagues are going to be wondering what all the fuss was about with you withholding the photo. Is that clearer, sorry waffling.

Bue Fri 08-Nov-13 22:50:21

Op I would be hopping mad if I found that you had shown my newborn around without my consent.

But why?

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 22:53:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

This is quite possibly the strangest thread I have ever read. Hopping mad - that people might show around a picture of your baby? Consent - to show a picture?

We are now entering.............

The Twilight Zone.

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 22:59:55

I think i'm in the Twilight Zone with RemusLupins confused

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 23:02:16

So OP. Are you going to show your colleagues the picture? smile

Coldlightofday Fri 08-Nov-13 23:07:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood Fri 08-Nov-13 23:10:10

Amazed by some of the comments on this thread shock

Of course YANBU - as you say, it's his special moment to show his colleague the firts picture of his new baby. Of courser that's his privilege.
To my mind, it's a bit like those "I can't wait to show I know everything before anyone else" type people who put up wedding photos (where they are a guest) whilst still at the wedding. Leave it to the bride people!

Monty27 Fri 08-Nov-13 23:17:10

Its amazing how a bun fight starts here from an innocent post.

OP, ask your colleague if its ok to share the photos with your colleagues. Is that not simple?

I know I haven't read the whole thread but, Jesus the bunfight. confused

Mylovelyboy Fri 08-Nov-13 23:19:07

Monty27 - Friday night is bunfight night grin

I think it is very normal for a new parent to send a photo to one colleague and for it then to be shown to anyone who is interested, that is normally the intention of sending it, surely? Maybe not print them out and put them on the noticeboard, but certainly no harm in showing people on your phone. They have normally been circulated by email to relevant colleagues in places I have worked. The father will have plenty of other photos to show by the time he comes back to work and I am sure everyone will like to see those too.

Monty27 Fri 08-Nov-13 23:24:09

Mylovely I've had a tiring week, Friday night is chilling night in this 'ouse. lol smile

OP just needs to ask the colleague is she can share it.

pours another beer grin

mameulah Fri 08-Nov-13 23:25:43

I can see why they are saying that but TOTALLY see your point.

A colleague/friend of mine had her baby two months before I had mine. Because of that we had had lots of discussions and shared lots of personal information. I knew she was due to have a section and didn't tell anyone. I announced she had had her baby when she sent a text and didn't let on I knew more. I know people found it odd but I did not think it was my place to share her news.

SeaSickSal Fri 08-Nov-13 23:30:13

If a colleague did this to me that would be it. They would be on my shit list forever. You are basically implying that your colleagues are not fit to look at a picture of this child. I would be incredibly insulted.

I would also be insulted if I was the parent. You will make them feel like just because their child is in ICU they're some kind of freak or dirty little secret rather than a beautiful little human to celebrate.

This is all about power and control and nothing to do with privacy. If he had a problem with other people seeing the pic he would have told you.

I suspect you have quite possibly damaged your career prospects too.

TiredFeet Fri 08-Nov-13 23:37:19

When I had ds I sent a picture to a work colleague and totally assumed she would know she could circulate it! I wouldn't have had the time /inclination to send a copy to everyone

Surely the solution is a quick text to him to check if he minds you showing them?

SantanaLopez Fri 08-Nov-13 23:37:57

I would assume that if he didn't want you to share the photos, he would have told you when he sent them.

You do sound very precious.

Coldlightofday Sat 09-Nov-13 10:46:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Most people would send a photo to one colleague and expect them to show it around the office as usually said parent has mind on other things then sending individual photos around their workplace.

SeaSickSal Sat 09-Nov-13 11:02:41

It's a metaphorical construct. Innit.

meganorks Sat 09-Nov-13 11:05:59

I sent pics of dd1 and dd2 to a work colleague who particularly friends with. But just assumed she would show everyone. If I hadn't wanted her to I would have specified.

fairy1303 Sat 09-Nov-13 11:06:15

I'm completely with you OP.

It's his business to show the photos.

By all means, ask him if it's ok. If it is, great.

When DS was born i wanted to be the one showing them off.


ChairmanWow Sat 09-Nov-13 11:15:22

Whatever your colleagues think, he is going to find it weird isn't he? In fact I'm wondering if you have a wee crush on him and like being his 'special' colleague. Won't he wonder about that too?

Unless he intends to be all Michael Jackson about it and hide his baby from public view why does it matter if others see the photos? Personally I loved hearing about my colleagues cooing over my babies' pictures. Made me very proud smile

ProphetOfDoom Sat 09-Nov-13 11:18:45

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Coldlightofday Sat 09-Nov-13 11:32:05

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NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Sat 09-Nov-13 11:33:42

Why did you tell them you have pics if you weren't going to show them?

I would check with the parents if they mind and go with their preference

paxtecum Sat 09-Nov-13 11:38:39

OP: Does his wife know that he is your very close friend and is in regular contact with you?

DIYapprentice Sat 09-Nov-13 11:46:04

When they were sent to you why didn't you just ask 'do you mind if I show them to others at the office?'

Not sending them to others doesn't necessarily mean he DOESN'T want them to see, but that they're not important enough to him to make the effort to send them photos at this point in time.

lljkk Sat 09-Nov-13 11:54:23

I would have shown the pictures to others without a 2nd thought.

Coldlightofday Sat 09-Nov-13 11:58:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LookingThroughTheFog Sat 09-Nov-13 11:58:40

You see, I think that the colleagues are the ones being unreasonable. If OP said (like she did), 'I think he wants the chance to show the baby off...' I'd leave it at that.

I have an (unreasonable) colleague who goes nuts at the idea of anyone having a private conversation. She gets all flustered and often quite offensive if she finds out that two people in the office have had a conversation about anything, no matter how unimportant. We get followed to the kitchen or interrupted if she finds we're already there. Meanwhile she delights in sharing other people's secrets around.

I'd probably care less, but her attitude has driven me to be really protective of people's privacy.

It's not about OP being special or important; it's that she knows her friend wants to be all enthusiastic in the office, and she doesn't want to steal his thunder. The colleagues not allowing one person to have a closer friendship with someone else in the office is frankly odd.

ErrorError Sat 09-Nov-13 13:11:50

I agree with OP. I think I would send a text to colleague and say something along the lines of "Hi X, hope you're all keeping well. Everyone in the office is delighted for you and can't wait to see a picture of your beautiful baby. Is it ok if I show them the one you sent me, or would you like to share it when you come back? lots of love, Coldlightofday."

I have a friend (A) who send a picture of her newborn to another friend (B) because B asked for one. A was still a very out of it on painkillers after a difficult labour, and the baby had taken unexpectedly ill and was rushed to a specialist unit. Some time later, A found out that B had shown the baby photo to quite a lot of people (myself included) and though we'd all said how beautiful the baby was, A was very upset that we'd all seen the pic with all the tubes and wires, and didn't want that to have been the first image we saw, of baby looking so poorly. A said had she not been high on meds she wouldn't have even sent B the photo. It is best to ask I think.

xCupidStuntx Sat 09-Nov-13 13:22:05

I'd find that very peculiar to be honest OP

Charlesroi Sat 09-Nov-13 13:58:45

YANBU. Your friend chose to share the pictures with you not all and sundry, and, if he wanted to share he'd have done so. The rest of the office will get a look when he gets back to work.

vtechjazz Sat 09-Nov-13 15:04:49

Gosh OP, you must really think highly of yourself. The dad probably just wanted a grunt to do the donkey work of showing the photos about the office to spare him sending dozens of emails, not a 'chosen one' to jealously guard the super special secret baby photo. And I'm with Garcia, you'd be on my shit list too.

PlatinumStart Sat 09-Nov-13 15:16:01

Comes across as attention seeking, I think it's quite odd behaviour on your part

OP, I see why you have done this. I think your intentions are probably not meaning any harm.

However, you have asked in AIBU. Which must mean you have a sight doubt about it. I think you have been given good advice, re drop him a text and see what he says. Just a message checking in, seeing they are ok etc. Then just a quick note at the end asking if its ok.

You say you are going to do this 'when the time is right' . When is the time right? It just makes it sounds as if you are making a big deal out of this. Which you say you are not.

Just text and ask. Do it today. It'll be fine. The message is sent and if its a bad time, he'll reply when its good for him.

MulberryHag Sat 09-Nov-13 16:00:31

Here SeaSickSal, have a biscuit for crying out loud.

I agree with you OP (although I would've just kept quiet when asked tbh). I went to visit a close friend of mine last week who has a 5 day old baby and I asked her if I could take a photo of her DC. I would never just have snapped a pic and wouldn't dream of putting it on FB or any other social media. It's HER baby, she should share it with the world when and where she and DH see fit.

Would you share someone's pregnancy news?!

Unless the OP's colleague has specifically stated in his text that she can share around this photo, she has done the right thing by not sharing it around. This isn't her news to share, it's his! Why, unless he gave permission to share it, would the OP want to steal his big announcement?

And I can fully understand why the OP hasn't asked if he wants it shared around as the baby is in the NICU, and I'm pretty sure they've got other things to be concerned with.

Coldlightofday Sat 09-Nov-13 17:15:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MulberryHag Sat 09-Nov-13 20:04:29

vtechjazz, anyone who has a "shit list" that includes people who won't show baby photos sounds like they lead a very sad life. confused

Coldlightofday Sat 09-Nov-13 20:17:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puntasticusername Sat 09-Nov-13 20:20:59

Sounds as if your own feelings were leading you right all along, then. Good on you for checking with your colleague and his wife before sharing the photos. And I'm glad to hear the babba's doing well.

Kleptronic Sat 09-Nov-13 20:22:15

Coldlight I am glad your judgement has been vindicated. You also behaved with aplomb in the face of bizarre random hazing. flowers

Glad the baby's doing well.

Coldlightofday Sat 09-Nov-13 20:29:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sorry, Op - but I can't help but suspect that he was being polite and wondering what on earth you were on about. Glad that the baby is doing well though.

Coldlightofday Sat 09-Nov-13 20:31:40

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puntasticusername Sat 09-Nov-13 20:35:29

<takes opportunity to behave bizarrely with a plum>

Kleptronic Sat 09-Nov-13 20:52:30

arf punt!

I for one have always relied on what one can suspect on the internet.

puntasticusername Sat 09-Nov-13 20:58:33


AnyoneforTurps Sat 09-Nov-13 21:09:27

Well I think it's nice of you to worry about whether your friend will mind. But I do think you're being a bit barking about not just asking him: I don't think having a slightly prem baby will prevent him texting "yes" or "no" in reply.

Also, you do make it sound as if there will only ever be this set of photos, whereas in fact the proud dad will no doubt have a couple of thousand by now so can bore delight his colleagues with lots more shots on his return.

AgentZigzag Sat 09-Nov-13 21:11:19

Poor OP, you need to run those burns under a cold tap.

Wondering whether the dad might like to show the pictures round himself would be typical MN thinking to me, an eyeopener you'd maybe read on a thread, one of those that stick in your head like running through the various reasons why some parents might be less than calm dealing with their DC at the supermarket.

You said why you did it, pretty clearly I thought, I can't understand why so many posters have said it's because of all these other weird reasons. (although I probably do similar on other threads grin)

I would have expected any photos I'd sent to be shown round and would show round other peoples, but because the baby's in NICU and you didn't want to bother him with it, it's a different situation and thoughtful IMO.

(I didn't even know a plum could do that punt shock)

vtechjazz Sun 10-Nov-13 02:22:26

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Nov-13 02:37:55



OP's going to have trouble reconciling herself to such an accusation.

Calling someone a moron isn't on though, no need to call other posters names to get your point across.

SeaSickSal Sun 10-Nov-13 02:38:22

vtech :D

I did tell them a shit list was a metaphorical construct. But metaphorical or not they would be on it, it was monumentally rude and childish.

I bet the OP is busy running up a burka babygro just in case he decides he want's to bring the baby in to work!

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Nov-13 02:46:26

My shit list is nice and easy to remember.

Everyone who's not DH/DD's is on it grin

Saves confusion.

Silverdaisy Sun 10-Nov-13 02:52:40

To be fair, could their reply just be them being polite? I can imagine if someone said that they were thinking about my family hence their thought process about keepimg the pic seceret, i would say thank you. If you had just said "the people at work would like to see a photo, can I show them the one you sent me?" I would suspect he would be quite happy.

Also this is not revealing an art project where no one can guess the end result. Newborns look very similar, and equally as gorgeous.

Your colleagues (I hope ) would still be lovely when he showed them his photos.

I'm sure you're well meaning on the whole matter - just a bit ott.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 10-Nov-13 03:04:15

Fwiw I've recently thanked someone for not sharing a photo of my newborn,I meant it and was not just being polite

But I've also got a shit list,mind you its only got one poster on it.

SeaSickSal Sun 10-Nov-13 03:09:48

Why didn't you want them to see it Sock?

CSIJanner Sun 10-Nov-13 06:38:46

<has images of various MN posters holding (shit) lists of mortal enemies on numerous USB keys/floppy disks à la Sheldon Cooper>

AlpacaPicnic Sun 10-Nov-13 08:35:13

Wow Vtech... You are taking this awfully personally.

Any reason? <headtilt>

fairy1303 Sun 10-Nov-13 08:42:52


are you his wife? (Genuine question)

Why else would you be so angry?

puntasticusername Sun 10-Nov-13 08:43:13

Blimey. I think a few people here are in denial. It's more than just a river in Egypt, you know hmm

ZigZag I know, I'm slightly regretting my reckless Saturday night fruit abuse now, my eyes are watering...and me a married woman, too...

AaDB Sun 10-Nov-13 09:00:39

Late to the party, I'm another one that thinks ywNOTbu.

If he wanted others to see a pics, he would sent them on a wider circulation.

Earlier this year, I was at a wedding for a friend ex colleague. Cue lots of people texting of fbing asking for pics of the dress. Some were invited later in the evening but others were not invited at all. confused [hm Requesting and expecting a virtual update was very odd IMO. Just because information can be available instantaneously doesn't mean it should be. This was the bride's call.

A few people I work with are friends, others I'm friendly with.

vtechjazz Sun 10-Nov-13 09:03:21

~crumbles at tilty head~ yes, it makes me angry. I know a few secret martyrs, it pisses me of that they feel like they are better than me, and that I am some sort of nosey/intrusive gossip for asking innocent questions about people to be essentially told I can't be trusted with such information or pictures...which is what op is doing to a whole office. I'm not the wife, my DH thankfully only works with normal women.

JuneauWhoIAm Sun 10-Nov-13 09:13:07

OP you do sound about 5.
"I told them I had a photo because they asked me."
You knew full well they'd ask to see it, you then making out that you're saving it so your colleague can show them himself is tripe.
You wanted to feel speshul, didn't you. You wanted your other colleagues to know you are BFF's with this man.

You could have said nothing about the photo.

I returned to work after mat leave and another colleagues wife had had a baby.
One of my female colleagues showed me a photo of said baby and I, in my ignorance, asked "why do you have a picture of Brian's baby?"
It turns out they were shagging for months and I having been out of the loop didn't know anything about it.
I guess that was her way of letting me know.

Just saying...

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 09:26:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum Sun 10-Nov-13 09:32:08

I gather this had resolved itself now but my attitude has always been, 'I'm sure X would like to show/tell you the self and I don't want to steal their thunder'. That's all that's needed.

JuneauWhoIAm Sun 10-Nov-13 09:34:51

So what do you want us to say OP.

Bottom line is, you didn't have to let them know you had the photo.

You definitely have a motive of doing so.

vtechjazz Sun 10-Nov-13 09:41:48

You might see yourself as a 'respectful, discreet, gatekeeper of precious baby photos', but to me and the whole office you look like a sneery madam who won't decend to talk to them or share some baby pictures that had no caveats of secrecy attached.

AaDB Sun 10-Nov-13 09:42:50

I'm close friends with an male ex colleague. My Dh and I are godparents to one of his dc and we have all been on holiday together. There has never been any attractive between us. If other people don't believe men and women can be friends/remain faithful, they are projecting their own low standards.

Also, had we still been working together I'm sure people would have known I would have pictures/ more information. I'm sure the noisier colleagues would have asked precisely because they would have known I was privy to more info. Your friends have already said you have done the right thing. It doesn't matter what I think but I think you did the right thing too.

puntasticusername Sun 10-Nov-13 09:43:39

Cold a moron, a liar AND you're having it away with the baby's daddy, don't forget that bit grin

This is just surreal now.

AaDB Sun 10-Nov-13 09:52:27

Attractive? I mean attraction.

I'm with you punt.

SpencerPercival Sun 10-Nov-13 09:54:06

you are being weird OP

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood Sun 10-Nov-13 09:56:05

I think you did exactly the right thing OP. But then I don't even have a facebook account (so am clearly not part of the over-sharing generation) and would hate for my friends to broadcast photos of my DD to all and sundry.

I also wouldn't lie if people asked if I had photos. And if they asked to see them I would simply say 'no, because I don't have permission to show them round'. Your friend chose to share something special with you, and considering the sympathy posters on MN get when someone says 'OMG I can't believe my DM/DS/DB/insert other here told/showed everyone before I could', I'm rather surprised by the response you are getting.

I am also loving how several posters seem to believe that you can't just be friends with a member of the opposite sex. No OP, you are clearly meeting him on the sly for nefarious purposes grin.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 10-Nov-13 09:57:53

Oh yes, of course they did smile

TheOpposibleThumb Sun 10-Nov-13 10:00:13

You did the right thing. Their baby, their news. Their privilege to show the first pictures.

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 10:05:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 10:38:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlpacaPicnic Sun 10-Nov-13 10:40:56

My personal opinion is that you err on the side of caution... And I believe this is what you did, with the best of intentions. Anyone who gets angry is acting strangely, if you ask me. Why are they soooo desperate. Why can't they wait a few days?

YouTheCat Sun 10-Nov-13 10:50:17

I think you did the right thing, considering the baby was in ICU.

There are some right bastards on this thread. What a shower.

SpencerPercival Sun 10-Nov-13 10:52:39

The fact that you said "I have a picture but I won't show you" makes you sound like a bit of a wanker

SpencerPercival Sun 10-Nov-13 10:53:34

As someone else said

OP: I've got a lovely picture of X's new baby.
Colleague: Ahhhh, let's have a look.
OP: No.
Colleague: Oh...."

YouTheCat Sun 10-Nov-13 11:17:38

But Op said that wasn't what happened. She didn't go flaunting that she had photos.

Why can't posters read the OP's posts?

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 11:21:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahAndFuck Sun 10-Nov-13 11:23:54

"Why can't posters read the OP's posts?"

Because where's the fun in that? That would spoil the opportunity to keep kicking her for being thoughtful even after we know her friend has supported and thanked her for her decision to wait for him to show the photos himself.

YouTheCat Sun 10-Nov-13 11:24:29

True that.

JuneauWhoIAm Sun 10-Nov-13 11:28:31

She didn't have to tell them she had it when she knew she wasn't going to show them.

That is why she is coming across as being a bit hmm about the whole thing.
There's definitely more of a back story, in my opinion, OP couldn't exactly admit to that now could she?

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 11:29:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat Sun 10-Nov-13 11:29:57

Oh ffs. They asked. OP didn't think to lie.

What is there to read into that?

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 11:33:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahAndFuck Sun 10-Nov-13 11:33:48

What should she say then?

If she didn't want to lie about it, and was asked outright if she had photo's, what should she say?

And what does her not lying have to do with all the people on this thread fictionalising their own versions of her admitting to having the photo's when asked for their own nasty amusement and the chance to call her names?

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 11:35:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RigglinJigglin Sun 10-Nov-13 12:10:00


YANBU, there's some serious twisting of your words going on in this thread.

A colleague was once in your predicament and went on to email the picture to the whole office site not just our small team (I still never figured out why). Cue a formal complaint by the baby's mum to the directors of the company, a HR 'investigation' based on the misuse of email and some serious bollockings in the office.

puntasticusername Sun 10-Nov-13 12:20:29

<stares hard at op>

Come to think of it, madam, would you mind accounting for your whereabouts on 22nd November 1963?

SeraphinaSparklePants Sun 10-Nov-13 12:48:41

I don't think you sound weird at all.
You did the right thing.
What an odd reaction from some on this thread and your colleagues.

Coupon Sun 10-Nov-13 12:54:40

YANBU at all. Of course he should be the one to enjoy showing photos of his baby, if anyone asks.

CosyTeaBags Sun 10-Nov-13 14:30:52

I've been following this thread with increasing amazement at the total flaming OP has had.

Imagine, if you will, the following scenario, whereby a new Dad posted something like:

"My DW and I have just had a baby, but unfortunately the baby has been poorly and is in the NICU. I texted a good friend about this, and being a new Dad, wanted to show her a pic of our lovely new baby. I was really looking forward to coming into the office to show off the first photos of my own new baby, just as I've watched others do in the past. I couldn't wait for it to finally be my turn to hear all the 'coos' and 'ahhs' from my friends and colleagues. Sadly, my friend saw fit to share that picture with the whole office, and now I feel that she has cheated me out of that experience. AIBU?"

I'm sure the new Dad would experience an outpouring of outraged MN support at how insensitive the colleague was for showing off his picture.

Cold I think you did absolutely the right thing, and were not at all sneery or smug about it. I think some posters on here are projecting just a little... hmm hope this hasn't upset you too much flowers

CosyTeaBags Sun 10-Nov-13 14:33:21

and also <on a roll> your colleagues are also being arseholes for having a go at you for refusing. Surely they should have accepted your refusal, and got on with their lives.

Ignore, ignore, ignore OP - and maybe get yourself down to the shops to purchase a shiny new shit list for yourself

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 15:36:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 15:37:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CosyTeaBags Sun 10-Nov-13 15:40:30

Hah, I think it works with shiny shit too - as in "I don't give a shiny shit what you all think" grin

Crikey, you post on here thinking you'll get some support for doing the right thing and you get the shiny shit kicked out of you. Hope this thread hasn't upset you OP, although you sound pretty tough to me!

vtechjazz Sun 10-Nov-13 15:41:57

There was no expectation of privacy on the dads behalf, he just texted a workmate a picture with no added appeals of secrecy. And if people in REAL LIFE are calling op out as precious as well as the majority on this thread then I'm not sure she can be helped. I'm not sure why alienating a whole office is worth being seen as 'respectful' by one male colleague. I'm buying into the affair theory myself now.

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Nov-13 15:43:35

I've got a shiny shit with a grip on it, I'm only a posh bird though and have always aspired to be a snooty madam.

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Nov-13 15:44:55

'I'm buying into the affair theory myself now.'

Hope you didn't shell out too much for it.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 10-Nov-13 15:49:04

Well, while I do think that you were a little BU, I have a huge amount of respect for you for sticking with this thread. People have been so damn rude to you! shock

YouTheCat Sun 10-Nov-13 15:50:04

So you'd expect someone to show you pictures of a baby in ICU, vtech? With no thought that the child might be very seriously ill? Mawkish.

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Nov-13 15:54:23

Look YouThe, this isn't about the baby or the parents, this is about the rights of the people in the office to see a picture they know exists! hmm

I'm surprised nobody's pointed out the OP missing the chance to charge for a peek.

Those with proof of their shiny shit could have had a discount <not heartless>

YouTheCat Sun 10-Nov-13 15:55:47

Damn I haven't got a shiny shit and have never given one. grin

BusyCee Sun 10-Nov-13 15:55:51

Good grief. OP, I agree with you, and think you're being sensitive and considerate. Surely there are some things that can remain private and personal these days (and the OP suggests this chap is a good friend rather than purely a colleague). FFS, what did everyone do before flippin' camera phones and t'interweb?! Can't anyone just have a chat and be pleased anymore? Does everyone need to see photographic evidence of the infant? As someone said up thread, they do all look pretty similar, and if the babe has been in NICU it's a bit ghoulish to want to see photos so badly that you start calling the OP names.

LittleBairn Sun 10-Nov-13 15:57:18

YANBU especially if they baby was in special care. I've known a lot of people who haven't wanted to share those photos.

SarahPercyAndBill Sun 10-Nov-13 15:59:17

CosyTeaBags, I've never known anyone in RL to say "oh that's ok, I've already seen pictures of your newborn". Even if colleagues did see one early pic, they would still coo over anything the dad showed them himself once he got back. There's no thunder being stolen here.

vtechjazz Sun 10-Nov-13 16:02:18

And the fact she only admits to having photos after being asked outright makes me think she spent a good afternoon being coy and evasive with her special secret. You sound like hard work op. Dont be surprised when you are the outsider when you go back to work. Deservedly so IMO.

YouTheCat Sun 10-Nov-13 16:04:42

I can't believe how many people get themselves all het up about a photo of a sick baby.

Vtech, the father has even thanked her for not passing the pic around the office - I reckon his view is more important than the bizarre speculators on this thread.

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 16:17:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vtechjazz Sun 10-Nov-13 16:21:53

....really hard work if you're so easily confused.

puntasticusername Sun 10-Nov-13 16:22:18

Cold yeah, right. I bet you shot JR and all. And invented double yellow lines. And made all the crop circles.

Oh, and moved all the stuff around in the supermarket so I can't find anything any more.


Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 16:25:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag Sun 10-Nov-13 16:38:24

I heard Cold had a hand in Peter Andre's split with the lovely Katie.

She's much higher maintenance than Katie too.

ArfurFoulkesayke Sun 10-Nov-13 16:42:28

I think you did the right thing and am surprised you've had such a flaming.

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 16:43:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LookingThroughTheFog Sun 10-Nov-13 16:49:41

^ I know a few secret martyrs, it pisses me of that they feel like they are better than me, and that I am some sort of nosey/intrusive gossip for asking innocent questions about people^

Oh dear, you'd flipping hate me! I had a nervous breakdown and only discussed the ins and outs of it with one friend in the office. Only a small number of them know about my bipolar diagnosis. None of them know about the miscarriages I've had. I'm going through therapy to deal with PTSD, which the office does know about because of my absences. I've been asked 'Innocent questions' such as 'So what trauma have you had then?' loudly, across a full room. They at least waited until we were alone to ask whether I'd been suicidal.

I reserve the right to be private at work.

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 16:55:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2goatytocare Sun 10-Nov-13 17:00:32

Thats a very different from asking to see a baby photo looking

puntasticusername Sun 10-Nov-13 17:06:40

Oh yes, do, this thread needs all the light relief it can get I think smile

puntasticusername Sun 10-Nov-13 17:12:48

<shakes pompoms>

Have you heard the one about my mother in law?

YouTheCat Sun 10-Nov-13 17:14:58

Oooooh I know this one! Is the answer 'yes, and she's a jolly nice woman' grin

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 17:17:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fairy1303 Sun 10-Nov-13 17:58:48

cold I expect you will steal the pompoms first chance you get anyway.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 10-Nov-13 18:46:36

Cold There is no baby, is there? This is one big secret that you've made up to hide the affair you're having, isn't it?

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 18:59:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 10-Nov-13 19:22:41

Just wrap up one of those reborn dolls in a big blanket and claim it's the baby.

MulberryHag Sun 10-Nov-13 19:27:27

VTechJazz you sound as though you're pretty insecure and you think other women are better than you and look down on you. Just because you think you've experienced that-don't take it out on the OP. You sound very very bitter.
Cold, hearing back from the Father secret lover and his wife blissfully ignorant to your raging affair that they appreciate what you did should be all you need. Take that bullseye off your ass and have a G&T! smile

Coupon Sun 10-Nov-13 19:39:56

> he just texted a workmate a picture with no added appeals of secrecy

There shouldn't have to be an "added appeal of secrecy". It should go without saying that you don't share someone else's photos without asking them first if it would be OK. Just basic good manners and courtesy to the person who sent them to you.

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 19:42:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vtechjazz Sun 10-Nov-13 19:48:40

I'm not insecure, I just have a low tolerance of holier-than-thou smug women like the op. Hope you have a good day at work tomorrow op, and you're not too lonely up there on your high horse. Hopefully the groveling crowds of baby crazed colleagues make you feel all big and important by begging you to see the photos some more! Fingers crossed for ya!

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 19:52:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puntasticusername Sun 10-Nov-13 19:55:52

Cold but...we ARE having an affair! You said you loved me! You said we were running away together any day now! I can't believe you're doing this...

You You're bang on, she's brilliant. The most U thing she does is never giving me anything to complain about on here. Though that is pretty damn U in itself, come to think.

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 19:58:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 10-Nov-13 20:12:29

I cannot believe how aggressive people like vtech have been to the OP. I do wonder how they function in the world being so rude or perhaps they are just keyboard warriors?

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 20:19:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MulberryHag Sun 10-Nov-13 20:38:33

VTech you just proved my point, you sound so jealous, insecure and angry!

candycoatedwaterdrops Sun 10-Nov-13 20:43:21

Honestly, there are nice ways of saying; I don't agree with you. It's not anything that one can really get worked about, unlike something like.....parking!

Coldlightofday Sun 10-Nov-13 20:51:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puntasticusername Sun 10-Nov-13 21:02:42

<swoons> that's it, I gotta snog, I can depart the thread happy now!

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