To be annoyed at friend coming over with a cold??

(33 Posts)
Xfirefly Thu 07-Nov-13 11:50:13

would you go to a person's house who had a baby knowing you were unwell and could potentially pass it on?
my dd is 9 weeks old, she suffered a cold at 2 weeks old which luckily wasn't too bad.
OH friend, who does my head in at the best of times, asked to pop in to lend a DVD. He comes in has a cuddle with dd and then tells us (moans rather) that he's got a cold. my oh immediately calls him a twat for coming over but he just laughs!?
Anyway, dd has been up all night now with blocked sinuses and a very chesty cough. she's not her usual smiley self bless her she's very irritated.
OH just said leave it lie but I want to tell this friend he's made her ill

am I right to be annoyed? sad

KellyElly Thu 07-Nov-13 11:55:44

I wouldn't with a young baby no. With an older child I wouldn't think anything of it.

OhMyBridget Thu 07-Nov-13 11:56:42

is this your first?

WhatTheFoxSays Thu 07-Nov-13 11:57:38

Not with a young baby, no.

Tee2072 Thu 07-Nov-13 11:58:20

A cold takes a week to 10 days to develop. Your baby did not get the cold from this person in a matter of hours.

It's winter. Germs are everywhere.

I'm on the fence. I remember feeling the way you do when dd was a baby- but after a while you realise that there's no avoiding it. If she is showing symptoms now your friend didn't give her his cold. She already had it. If you try to avoid her getting ill at all costs then the next three years is going to be hard for you.

She will be ill. She will likely catch one cold after another and by the time she's three it'll feel like she has had more colds than dirty nappies. She will then stop the continuous illness for a few months- only to start school and it all starts again.

Oh, and mother and baby groups? There's always one snotty kid who rubs their nose with their hand and strokes your baby with it.

YDdraigGoch Thu 07-Nov-13 12:08:53

you can't isolate the baby from cold germs - do you take her shopping, to restaurants, baby groups, doctor's surgery???

You sound a bit precious IMO. And one of the other posters is correct, you don't develop a cold within a few hours of being exposed to someone who has one.

eggsandwich Thu 07-Nov-13 12:10:57

When my dd was nearly 4 weeks old my MIL came over, I was in the kitchen putting the kettle on went into the lounge and she was standing in the corner, she then said I won't get to close as I've got a cold. Now her cold was not just the snivels it was a really heavy cold, I was furious and said you've brought your germs into a house with a new baby! guess what happened next? a week later my dh was in hospital with pneumonia, my dd got brochitis and I got had a cold and a temperture of 40.1, so my dh was in one hospital and me and dd was in another hospital and my family had to come from 200 miles away to look after my 2.5 son who has special need. I cannot believe how thick some people are.

KhunZhoop Thu 07-Nov-13 12:11:43

She already had the cold. Unless you keep her hermetically sealed in a bubble for the next few years, she's going to get colds.

Fakebook Thu 07-Nov-13 12:14:51

YABU. Unless your baby has other problems like asthma or another serious immune disorder.

You can buy these little suction pipe things that you stick up the nose and suck up with your mouth. It clears the nose nicely.

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 07-Nov-13 12:16:02

I'd advise you never to take her out in public ever again.
What will you do if you get a cold BTW?

thebody Thu 07-Nov-13 12:20:35

well I wouldn't visit anyone socially with a heavy cold unless I warned them first as it's bloody annoying and rude.

work is unavoidable but socialising isn't.

however your baby had the cold allready as the time scales are far to close.

BatPenguin Thu 07-Nov-13 12:20:50

I don't think yabu. No you can't keep the baby locked up at home in a bubble, she is going to be exposed to germs in public etc but that doesn't make it ok for someone with a cold to come into your home and spread their germs. I would never go to someone's house and hold their young baby when I'm ill, that's selfish.

Hope she's better soon.

YANBU to think that someone with a cold would wait a few days to collect a DVD to minimise the risk of a newborn catching that cold. I'd goes as far to agree that person is a twat.

Pachacuti Thu 07-Nov-13 12:21:57

Incubation period for a cold is a week or so. Feel free to call up your friend and accuse him of time-travelling shenanigans, though.

(But I wouldn't go to visit a young baby if I had a cold, no.)

notnowbernard Thu 07-Nov-13 12:32:40

This wouldn't have irritated me, no

As others have said, germs are everywhere

Theodorous Thu 07-Nov-13 12:37:10

I think the poster who asked if it was the ops first summed it up

AndYouCanDance Thu 07-Nov-13 12:40:38

Yanbu. It is selfish.

Xfirefly Thu 07-Nov-13 12:44:47

thank you for the replys everyone.
This is my first yes and I know I must sound like them overprotective mothers. I know she can pick up a cold from anywhere, that's how she got her first one from being in the drs or the shop. my point was the fact he come over knowing he was quite ill and she's still small.

I should have stated in the first post that he came over 5 days ago. she hasn't been out since.

Tee2072 Thu 07-Nov-13 12:46:46

He wasn't 'quite ill'. He had a cold.

bonkersLFDT20 Thu 07-Nov-13 12:47:04

I know exactly how you feel. I remember being quite horrified when my friend brought her snivelling 2 year old with her to visit my newborn.

However, once my child go a bit older I realised I was just being precious and actually very many 2 year old have runny noses and the like.

I think your feeling are normal. You're being very protective of your new baby - that's your job, but you can't expect others to know how you're feeling.

TheIggorcist Thu 07-Nov-13 12:48:18

Silly to choose to cuddle the baby if you have a cold though. There is minimal contact between dh and me if one of us is sick! Life with a small baby can be hard enough without changing it to a small, sick baby.
I always warn friends if I'm meeting them and I am sick, then it's up to them what to do. And I certainly keep my distance more if I think I have germs to spread.

lottieandmia Thu 07-Nov-13 12:54:00

No, I never go to meet people if I'm ill at all, particularly if they have a baby because a baby with a cold = sleepless nights for everyone!

I have noticed that people seems to have differing attitudes about this though. Some people seem to think it's fine to go to someone's house ill as long as you don't have a sickness bug.

BeaWheesht Thu 07-Nov-13 12:57:04

But you didn't know he had the cold until he told you? So not very ill? Also does your dh often call people twats?

Pachacuti Thu 07-Nov-13 12:58:00

Yes, if he was there 5 days ago you are probably justified in feeling a bit hacked off. But there'll be a lot of things in your career as a parent that make you feel a bit hacked off and you really do need to let most of them go.

Xfirefly Thu 07-Nov-13 13:16:48

bea the first thing he did when he come in the door was cuddle dd as he does adore her, so I didn't notice he had a cold straight away.
oh and friend have the type of relationship where they can tell each other what they think and swear at each other...so no he doesn't call everyone twats grin

LittleVikingChick Thu 07-Nov-13 13:18:24

I completely understand you being annoyed. Yes there are germs everywhere and we cannot live in a germ-free bubble, but it's just common sense to take a little care in the first weeks/months. In Norway where I live people even take extra care to wash their hands before holding a baby the first couple of months of the baby's life. First the get used to the 'family-germs' then you start exposing them more and more to the world and later they pick up everything they see and put it into their mouth.

TheIggorcist Thu 07-Nov-13 13:40:59

It is odd that so many mumsnetters think it is the height of bad manners to go into a house wearing shoes, but bringing viruses in is fine.

Mim78 Thu 07-Nov-13 13:41:56

I think they should warn you first and give you the option. Ideally before coming over but definitely before cuddling the baby.

They probably just didn't think about it but ideally you are right.

Cold will be awful in the winter though. If you are bf try to get the colds yourself first and then baby will get immunity (not meant entirely seriously!)

misspontypine Thu 07-Nov-13 13:52:43

Yanbu to be angry. My ds was in hospital for a week with a "cold" he turned blue and had to be rushed to a more specialists hospital in an ambulance. There were babies in intensive care, all the babies apart from my greedy ds who thinks food is more important than ooxygen had tubes in their nose to feed them.

Emergency alarms were constantly going off because a baby was struggling to breath or had stopped breathing.

a cold is often not "just a cold" for tiny babies sad

Xfirefly Thu 07-Nov-13 13:55:19

I just thought it was common sense but I can see how it comes across as me being overbearing. I always stay away from family and friends children if I'm ill because I know it can be a nightmare.

mim yes this friend is the type to never think beforehand. he always used to call unexpected late at night when me and oh were either in bed or about to go to bed.

she was breastfed for the first 2weeks then due to getting sepsis and being in hospital very poorly for another week I had to stop sad .so she has had some goodness from me.

Xfirefly Thu 07-Nov-13 13:58:52

misspontypine - the midwife told me when she had her first cold to keep away from people who had colds and cold sores. she said it would be hard to avoid the virus but to avoid people who were obviously ill and would be in close contact with her could be a help. she said you have to be very careful with small babies.

that's why I was miffed tbh .

uhOhOhDear Thu 07-Nov-13 15:07:53

Yanbu. I don't think you need to justify yourself, very young babies shouldn't knowingly be exposed to viruses imo. Of course she'll have loads of coughs and colds over the years, but the first few months it's better to avoid if possible.

Congratulations btw :-)

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