If the C word is so bad, why is Scunthorpe spelt the way it is?

(212 Posts)
paulagil Wed 06-Nov-13 14:40:10

I piss myself laughing everytime I see it on the television weather charts.

Ha ha ho ho. Or am I just warped?

CocacolaMum Wed 06-Nov-13 14:43:02

I have been mispronouncing it all this time!

magimedi Wed 06-Nov-13 16:15:01

If Typhoo put the T in Britain who put the cunt in Scunthorpe?

<showing my age with that joke>

LegoAcupuncture Wed 06-Nov-13 16:16:52

The word Scunthorpe is actually blocked on nethuns.

When I worked for Rail Enquiries I used to giggle at Penistone. Immature I know.

JustAnotherFucker Wed 06-Nov-13 16:18:17

I'm sure Scunny was a place long before the vernacular for vagina/vulva came into being grin

JustAnotherFucker Wed 06-Nov-13 16:19:07


I always say it as Penis Town in my head.

GemmaTeller Wed 06-Nov-13 16:20:12

I used to live near Broadbottom grin

wem Wed 06-Nov-13 16:25:56

My favourite is/are Great Cockup and Little Cockup in the Lakes grin

Because Scunthorpe is that bad?

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Wed 06-Nov-13 16:37:06

The very polite-sounding lady announcing that "this is a Piccadilly line service to Cockfosters" has me in stitches every time. <juvenile>

Wannabestepfordwife Wed 06-Nov-13 16:39:07

People from back home would say its because it's full of them

JustAnotherFucker Wed 06-Nov-13 16:40:56

Wetwang is another that makes me guffaw, and I don't even know exactly why confused

YouTheCat Wed 06-Nov-13 16:42:28

I love Wetwang. grin

paulagil Wed 06-Nov-13 16:47:37

Penis tone lolololololololololololololol. Pratts Bottom is another. Apparently there is a village in northern Framce which is pronounced fook erfffff.

paulagil Wed 06-Nov-13 16:48:52

PS I live near Wetwang - am always tempted to add a k to it.


Bearbehind Wed 06-Nov-13 16:51:59

It's fun to be childish about place names- I always giggle when I see Newark because someone once pointed out its anagram to me!

YouTheCat Wed 06-Nov-13 16:54:52

Sounds about right. grin

There's a place up this way called 'Shilbottle' - the first 'l' is very often crossed on road signs.

EldritchCleavage Wed 06-Nov-13 16:55:07

I give you the villages of Six Mile Bottom and Ugley Green. Apparently the Ugley Green W.I. changed its name (though the story may be apocryphal).

JustAnotherFucker Wed 06-Nov-13 16:58:19

I went to school in Sandwich, much hilarity there with the Ham signs etc but I much prefer the ruder northern funnyisms grin

pudseypie Wed 06-Nov-13 17:16:04

My dm is from Scunthorpe. My dh is from Pratts Bottom. We now live in another place with Bottom in the name. I'm doomed.

YouTheCat Wed 06-Nov-13 17:17:41

At least you don't live here

WigglyBraddins Wed 06-Nov-13 17:21:39

I never noticed Penistone. I like a bit of Cockermouth.

paulagil Wed 06-Nov-13 20:25:10

youthcat YOU WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


whats4teamum Wed 06-Nov-13 20:49:18

I grew up in Scunthorpe and didnt realise until I went to uni and someone laughed and said the inevitable "who put the cunt in Scunthorpe?".

Yes I can be that dim sometimes.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Wed 06-Nov-13 20:53:26

Friends used to live near Little Coxwell and Great Coxwell. I felt sorry for the former.

Antsmummy Wed 06-Nov-13 21:00:07

bearbehind I never noticed that about Newark!
Just as you come off the A1 in lincs, heading to ancaster there's a place called bitchfield. I think I'd love to live there

randomfemale Wed 06-Nov-13 21:05:40

I live near Penistone (pronounced PennySton around 'ere) but one of the hill is called Cheese Bottom which always makes my smile

wouldIlietoyou Wed 06-Nov-13 21:13:41

I think there was a story about the council in Scunthorpe having such restrictions on the Internet that nobody could actually look it up because it contains the word cunt. I think it's brilliant smile
I used to live near places called Claxby Pluckacre and Mavis Enderby!

MooseBeTimeForSnow Wed 06-Nov-13 21:19:12

Is it grim in Grimsby?

There's a lake in Canada called Lake Minnewanka. That always makes me smile.

DrCoconut Wed 06-Nov-13 21:31:15

I live in Scunthorpe. Someone has to. It's not all like on skint lots is though.

HatticusFinch Wed 06-Nov-13 21:36:39

Yes, it is indeed grim in Grimsby smile

Cheese Bottom also has us in stitches every time we drive down that hill Random!

MinesAPintOfTea Thu 07-Nov-13 06:49:54

I've been up Lord Hereford's Knob grin

BadLad Thu 07-Nov-13 07:04:45

Anyone from Knockin, in Shropshire?

Is there a village shop?

ILetHimKeep20Quid Thu 07-Nov-13 07:10:21

Ah yes Shitbottle. Never been just seen the signs on the A1.

I worked for a bank sending same day payments before they were the norm. I had to enter the adresses of branches on the form. I always wrote Scunthorpe as Scumthorpe until someone pointed the error out to me!

EugenesAxe Thu 07-Nov-13 07:25:02

Reminds me of my Dad saying that old joke there are three teams in the League with swear words in them: Arsenal, Scunthorpe and Manchester fucking United.

Must be pretty old because not even sure Scunthorpe is in the League these days.

austenozzy Thu 07-Nov-13 07:30:48

anyone fancy a bit of brown willy in cornwall? :-)

austenozzy Thu 07-Nov-13 07:30:48

anyone fancy a bit of brown willy in cornwall? :-)

austenozzy Thu 07-Nov-13 07:30:50

anyone fancy a bit of brown willy in cornwall? :-)

austenozzy Thu 07-Nov-13 07:30:50

anyone fancy a bit of brown willy in cornwall? :-)

GinOnTwoWheels Thu 07-Nov-13 07:46:58

I always laugh at the place in Wales called Pant especially as there's always some wag who adds an S at the end of the sign.

Perhaps they should change the name to Scun Thorpe to overcome the internet filters?

I've never really noticed the unfortunate hidden profanity in the name. There are lots of places in the north with Thorpe in the name.

Geckos48 Thu 07-Nov-13 07:48:24

Don't even get me started on clit-heroe.

thegreylady Thu 07-Nov-13 07:50:28

Yes ther is a shop in Knockin called Knockin shop smile I go through the village quite often and always smile at it.

FutTheShuckUp Thu 07-Nov-13 07:57:41

Booby bay in Cornwall?

WestieMamma Thu 07-Nov-13 08:07:09

I'm sure Scunny was a place long before the vernacular for vagina/vulva came into being

Oh I dunno. The doomsday book (1086) lists Scunny as 'Eskumethorp'. 'Cunt' is from Middle Low German and arrived on these shores with the Saxons in the early 5th century.

austenozzy Thu 07-Nov-13 08:10:16

pesky phone, sorry angry

Sallyingforth Thu 07-Nov-13 09:59:19

There's a place on the Isle of Wight called Apse that is always having the street signs altered

paulagil Thu 07-Nov-13 10:17:37

Oh Mumsnetter, you have made me laugh. I was feeling a bit down which was why I posted such a peurile thread. But it's been worth it. ROFL.


paulagil Thu 07-Nov-13 10:18:07


jellyboatsandpirates Thu 07-Nov-13 11:06:22

Had to read and re-read Penistone as seriously didn't get how that could be misconstrued as something rude!
Are you all pronouncing it differently in your head or something? Must all be Southerners
It's pronounced Pen (as in the writing kind) - nis - tun!

haggisandneeps Thu 07-Nov-13 13:16:24

I give you all.... Cockburnspath en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cockburnspath grin

openseason Thu 07-Nov-13 13:24:49

i just googled some up and came across dumb womens lane. im glad i don,t live there and penis road.

EldritchCleavage Thu 07-Nov-13 13:27:54

London used to feature some interesting street names. A friend of mine used to work on Mincing Lane where the 'mollyhouses' or gay brothels were, and in the C18 one street with a lot of brothels on it was known as Gropecunt Lane.

ILetHimKeep20Quid Thu 07-Nov-13 13:38:44

I think because I'm familiar with cockburn as a surname I've never thought anything odd about cockburnspath!

GinOnTwoWheels Thu 07-Nov-13 13:52:59


Have you never heard Mark (Radcliffe) and Lard on Radio 2? They have repeatedly referred to it as Penis Town. I and they do know the correct pronounciation. I do wonder however, if the pronounciation has 'evolved' in a similar way to Hyacinth Bucket in Keeping Up Appearances.

Coincidentally, one of our clients is based there and I had to discuss them with a colleague the other day. I was careful to refer to them as 'the Pen- nis - tun site', while in my head I was going 'Penis Town, Penis Town, Penis Town' and just about not sniggering grin.

KellyElly Thu 07-Nov-13 14:57:02

My four year old thinks the word shampoo is absolutely hilarious as 'poo' is the rudest word she knows grin

MooseBeTimeForSnow Thu 07-Nov-13 20:23:32

There's a place just outside Scunthorpe with a street called Fanny Hands Lane.

jamdonut Thu 07-Nov-13 21:02:28

I didn't think of it like that at all until this thread! shock

That's because it is Scun - thorpe...the 'cunt'blush bit doesn't sound out like that! (i.e. its not Scunt-horpe)wink

junkfoodaddict Thu 07-Nov-13 21:20:41

Paulagil you leave near me!
I live near 'The Land of Nod' which is in fact just two farmhouses down a very, very, long narrow lane in an East Yorkshire village! grin

junkfoodaddict Thu 07-Nov-13 21:21:11

Dead Lane is in Bainton!

junkfoodaddict Thu 07-Nov-13 21:24:46

Bugthorpe! Makes my southern friends giggle, of course, as does Wetwang - nice fish and chips there.

BoneyBackJefferson Thu 07-Nov-13 21:28:12

do you anal-yse everything?

grin Sallyingforth I do take any opportunity to throw Arse Heath into the conversation when we're on the IOW!

I can only offer the nearby area of Nork

Glittertwins Thu 07-Nov-13 22:05:16

Definitely grim in Grimsby. Considering I grew up in the local area, I'm another one who never realised the Scunthorpe link, possibly as we all called it "Scummy Scunny". Oh the rose tinted naïveté!

ILikeBirds Thu 07-Nov-13 22:59:58

Can't believe someone suggested Scunthorpe United were no longer in the league!

Thisvehicleisreversing Thu 07-Nov-13 23:23:32

There's a village near me called Cockshutt.

Mildly amusing on its own but every year they have a festival named Cockfest grin grin grin

paulagil Thu 07-Nov-13 23:25:43

junkfoodaddict i think i drove past a sign for the Land of Nod and thought it was a joke. Ditto the Land of Green Ginger.

I love the street in Beverley called Old Waste. It makes the York street names look tame.

paulagil Thu 07-Nov-13 23:26:57

cockfest lolololololololol!

Twatt still wins though.

phantomnamechanger Thu 07-Nov-13 23:28:00

my nana lives near the land of nod and wetwang, always makes me smile at those names when we go up north!

Donkeyok Thu 07-Nov-13 23:31:23

There's Shitaton in Dorset

A classical music presenter with a plummy accent on radio 3 the other day referred to
'the Penis is ready to perform' (pianist)
me and my dh just looked and each other and rofl grin

phantomnamechanger Thu 07-Nov-13 23:33:01

If we're doing funny/odd street names too , I offer Bad Bargain Lane, and Dreadnought Avenue

DifferenceEngine Thu 07-Nov-13 23:34:10

Junk food and Paula.

I too live in the badlands somewhere between old waste, land of nod and Wetwang.

There's a hill nearby called caud nab ( cold nob)

DifferenceEngine Thu 07-Nov-13 23:34:49

Laxton makes me laugh too, for no real reason.

paulagil Thu 07-Nov-13 23:38:34

I've just done a bing map search for Land of Nod and it comes up next to Ladies Parlour. Who names these places??

KissesBreakingWave Thu 07-Nov-13 23:45:32

I was terribly disappointed when I learned that Muff, in Donegal, has no sub-aqua club.

PowerPants Fri 08-Nov-13 01:36:07

Shitterton is near me, and they are always getting their signposts pinched!

DoJo Fri 08-Nov-13 02:38:39

Not a place name, but I once tried to find a wristwatch for my brother's birthday and was blocked by my work's internet filter.
On a more topical note, I live near Shingay cum Wendy, and Pidley but I wish this was my local: www.beerintheevening.com/pubs/s/20/2075/Cock/Staines

sussexmum38 Fri 08-Nov-13 03:28:05

I always get a giggle at Intercourse in Armish Pennsylvania. It is near Paradise, Bird in Hand, and Blueball.

CanadianJohn Fri 08-Nov-13 04:15:26

Scunthorpe has a place in internet history, you can google "the Scunthorpe Problem". If I recall correctly, AOL suggested the community - at least 1000 years old - change its name.


And where is AOL now?

Muff in Donegal does have a diving club. They make a fortune from t shirts.


MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 08-Nov-13 09:39:46

There's a Gash up the road from me here.

paulagil Mon 11-Nov-13 11:31:41

OMG, Martin Lewis has just mentioned Scunthorpe on ITV's This Morning in exactly this context. Does the man read Mumsnet? I hope he does.

Morning, Martin! I already know where my stopcock is, thank you x

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Mon 11-Nov-13 11:41:29

What about here

Thumbwitch Mon 11-Nov-13 11:52:03

I'm in Australia - we get some corkers over here too but my favourite is a place called Watanobi. I don't care how it's supposed to be pronounced, it's "What a nobby" in my head and I always snigger.
Warrawee always makes me chortle too - as it sounds like my DS saying "Mummy, I wannawee!"

There are loads more.

Upper and Lower Slaughter
Hot Air Balloon ( yes - it is even noted on an OS map)
Chipping Sodbury

I also once saw a "Cess Pit Lane" - wonder what that did to the house prices?

AncientsOfMuMu Mon 11-Nov-13 11:56:24

It's probably just me, but there's a place in Devon called Broadwoodwidger that always makes me snigger when I see the sign post.

AphraBane Mon 11-Nov-13 12:03:54

Cant believe nobody's mentioned Stillorgan in Dublin yet! DH says the local nickname is 'dead mickey'

Rhubarbgarden Mon 11-Nov-13 12:06:28

I once had to book at flight to Fukuoka in Japan. The travel agent put the phone down in me. To be fair, I had pronounced it "Fuck you ok".

The airport code is FUK. I'm not joking.

bungmean Mon 11-Nov-13 12:08:46

I used to live in the village of Twatt in Shetland.
It is pronounced exactly how you'd expect it.

Multibean Mon 11-Nov-13 12:16:04

My parents live near Bully Hole Bottom in Monmouthshire.

TwoTearsInABucket Mon 11-Nov-13 12:31:02

not so rude, but still makes me laugh: Tokers Green

AnonYonimousBird Mon 11-Nov-13 12:48:46

I live a couple of miles from Ugley, it features in this link.

As you can see their local WI changed their name from the Ugley Women's Institute..... wink

duchesse Mon 11-Nov-13 12:50:52

We have a "Scratcharse Lane" in our village. Makes me laugh every time, even at parish council meetings when I'm supposed to be all serious.

Skoggy Mon 11-Nov-13 12:57:16

There is a little street in Bicester, Oxon, called Crumps Butts. :D

paulagil Mon 11-Nov-13 13:04:07

Scratcharse Lane - we have a new winner!!!! Lolololololol ho ho ho smile

EldritchCleavage Mon 11-Nov-13 13:10:23

There is a ski resort in Virginia USA called Blue Knob. Ooh the marketing opportunities...

Reastie Mon 11-Nov-13 13:14:37

Yes I like near Pratts bottom <titters>

Reastie Mon 11-Nov-13 13:14:54

live not like must be a Freudian slip

MaidOfStars Mon 11-Nov-13 13:15:40

Randomfemale - you have settled a debate. We regularly drive through Penistone and amuse ourselves greatly with the possible pronunciations, while never being sure what the real one is (although Penn-iss-tun/PennySton seemed the most plausible).

Am slightly disappointed that it isn't actually Pen-ist-won though wink

Never mind, will console myself by smirking at Broadbottom train station later on.

ChrisTheSheep Mon 11-Nov-13 13:22:06

I know someone who lives in Pestilence Lane - not appealing!

DH comes from near the fabulously-named towns of Nobber, Hackballscross, and Termonfeckin.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Mon 11-Nov-13 13:25:56

They did go for descriptive names in the middle ages. I give you: Gropecunt Lane.

ChrisTheSheep Mon 11-Nov-13 13:27:29

Whatsthat: did you see the related link in that Wikipedia article? Tickle Cock Bridge!

SuddenlySqueamish Mon 11-Nov-13 13:32:32

Fingringhoe gives me the giggles

There is a village on the German/Austrian border which we've been past before called 'Fucking'.

I think it's pretty well known due to its name.

BUT they produce a beer, and rather marvellously, it's a light beer and is therefore called Fucking Hell.


babybarrister Mon 11-Nov-13 13:36:12


My favourite

octopusinastringbag Mon 11-Nov-13 13:36:41

Slack Bottom, Wyre Piddle and Sandy Balls all make me chuckle.

MrsPnut Mon 11-Nov-13 13:40:27

There's a clint lane in a village near me and the parish council spend more time cleaning black marker pen joining the L and I to make U off than almost anything else.

I have always wanted to live in Bedlam in North Yorkshire (there are about 3 houses there).

babybarrister Mon 11-Nov-13 13:42:11

I also give you pants on

ouryve Mon 11-Nov-13 13:47:14

We're not a million miles from Pity Me. Not rude, but always elicits a smile, even though we do a lot of our shopping there. Coxhoe is nearby, too.

There's a street in the West end of Newcastle called Two Ball Lonnen grin

ScrambledSmegs Mon 11-Nov-13 13:59:32

There's a road off the A1o near Cambridge called Butt Lane. Usually makes me do a dirty snigger, even though I knew it probably refers to a water butt.

ElizabethBathory Mon 11-Nov-13 14:05:10

Shitterton, on the River Piddle grin

Also, Blubberhouses.

TrueBoo Mon 11-Nov-13 14:06:06

Scratchy Bottom in Dorset.

Stratfield Turgis also amuses me.

bushprincess Mon 11-Nov-13 14:09:12

Skinners Bottom in Cornwall and Waterly Bottom in Gloucestershire always make me chuckle!!

doyouwantfrieswiththat Mon 11-Nov-13 14:15:50

Anyone fancy a house on Rabies Heath Road

TristanFarnon Mon 11-Nov-13 14:18:34

Battledykes is near us smile We laugh everytime we drive past.

Thelovecats Mon 11-Nov-13 14:18:56

I used to work for 192. I thought someone was taking the mick when they asked for a number in Twatt. I had to ask them to spell it out so I could check what they were saying!
Clitheroe always makes me chuckle when I read it on signposts smile

justmuddlingalongsomehow Mon 11-Nov-13 14:25:49

Classics here! Anyone been to Wank?

duchesse Mon 11-Nov-13 14:26:50

Medieval Exeter used to have a Shit Brook, and a lane leading to it called Shit Brook Lane. I wonder what happened there... hmm

BibbleBabbleBobble Mon 11-Nov-13 14:36:05

I'm from Scunthorpe. Never even noticed the cunt in it, presumably because it's pronounced nothing like it. We used to call it Scum Thorpe (see what we did there?)

AnnaKissed Mon 11-Nov-13 14:41:26

I live in the Middle East and just round the corner from me is Yanbu Street. Makes me smile every time I see it. wink Yanbu is a town in Saudi Arabia apparently. A country well known to be full of reasonable people hmm

AnnaKissed Mon 11-Nov-13 14:44:35

Also, not a place, but have you every tried to send an email containing the word weightwatchers? Hidden swear word there too [immature].

wodalingpengwin Mon 11-Nov-13 14:58:04

Nempnett Thrubwell.

DoctorTwo Mon 11-Nov-13 15:38:12

A tinpot non league football forum I used to lurk on replaced all swears with "badger", so if you typed Scunthorpe it appeared as Sbadgerthorpe, which used to tickle me.

ManyCircles Mon 11-Nov-13 15:47:56

Lickey End.

I don't know whether it's a village, a disease dogs get or a kinky sex thing but it makes me laugh every time. smile

LittleBonnie Mon 11-Nov-13 15:52:41

Canal Street in the 'gay village' district of Manchester had the first letters of each word crossed out on the sign so it read 'anal treet'!

Carlat86 Mon 11-Nov-13 16:23:18

When I went to Edinburgh we went on a bus tour of the city and the guy was saying that the streets are named after what was in them, for example Baker Street because there was a baker and so on. I turned to my boyfriend at the time and said so what about Cockburn street? I don't think he was as amused as me.

COCKadoodledooo Mon 11-Nov-13 16:31:22

Sandy Balls is known as 'Gritty Gonads" in our family..

LilyTheSavage Mon 11-Nov-13 16:45:12

My son has a friend who's surname is Cundick..... :D

ephemeralfairy Mon 11-Nov-13 16:52:31

Butchershole Bottom, Crapham Down and Upper Dicker, all in Sussex.

I was just about to mention Sandy Balls.

Oh well - there's a place in USA called Hell, the sign gets frozen over on occaision and you can find pics with "now what?" underneath....

ProfondoRosso Mon 11-Nov-13 17:22:44

I'm just back from the States, where there was an advert on TV regularly for a shop called Frugal Fannie's. I was knotting myself. Every. Time.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 11-Nov-13 17:34:27

Not read all the thread so not sure if its been said a few times but

Ramsbottom and upper Ramsbottom always makes me snigger.

PandaG Mon 11-Nov-13 17:48:23

not rude, but just funny - Stratton Strawless in Norfolk.

Lots of funny ones near me, Brown Willy, Ventongimps, Looe, the Cheese Wring, Minions, Boobys Beach, Flushing, Shag Rock, Cocks...

Mittensonkittens Mon 11-Nov-13 18:07:13

I like the Piddles. Wyre Piddle, upper piddle, lower piddle. Dh calls them upper and lower pissbury.

There is also a farm by me called Bumble Hole farm. It sounds rude when you say it.

In Essex we have the rather lovely 'Fingringhoe'

FryingNemo Mon 11-Nov-13 18:46:17

Mittensonkittens, you beat me to it. I love Wyre Piddle. Always makes me smile when I see it on the map.

My all time favourite place name has got to be Langton Maltravers. Not because it's rude, obviously, but because it sounds like a secret agent. A tall, dark and handsome secret agent - a bit like Pierce Brosnan but 20 years ago!

JuneauWhoIAm Mon 11-Nov-13 18:50:55


All near me.

Then Nobber up the country. Always get the giggles with that one smile

TawdryTatou Mon 11-Nov-13 19:05:19

Hampole always makes me smirk.

Makes me think of 'pork sword'.


Milkhell Mon 11-Nov-13 19:13:42

Wideopen always makes me chuckle. It seems very rude but I don't know why.

Milkhell Mon 11-Nov-13 19:14:32

Pork sword! grin

StillPukin Mon 11-Nov-13 19:40:50

I grew up near Nob End grin

dogindisguise Mon 11-Nov-13 19:42:07

Great and Little Snoring in Norfolk
Wigwig in Shropshire

scottishmummy Mon 11-Nov-13 19:44:04

Both sound so monarch of glen,and they're actually in the weeg
Milngavie for the mirth of folk saying it wrong [pronounced millguy]

miffybun73 Mon 11-Nov-13 19:46:10


benjalamummy Mon 11-Nov-13 19:52:51

Wankdorf, a district of Bern in Switzerland ('dorf' meaning village) - saw Robbie Williams play at Wankdorf Stadium.

And Gland, near Lake Geneva.

Ilanthe Mon 11-Nov-13 19:54:41

I am a big fan of Uncouth Road. Wouldn't want to live there mind, it's a few terraced houses and a couple of scrapyards.

spinaltap Mon 11-Nov-13 19:59:46

I have always wondered how Catbrain (on the outskirts of Bristol) got its name.

BabyMummy29 Mon 11-Nov-13 20:01:18

Wyre Piddle

Middle/Over Wallop

Steeple Bumpstead

Sure there must be more

MJP1 Mon 11-Nov-13 20:19:16

Bushy Common, in Norfolk makes us chuckle every time we drive through it to visit friends.

purplebaglady Mon 11-Nov-13 20:27:30

my childminder lived in a village called 'Shitterton', we are not far from Happybottom and l live in the Piddle Valley!

NickL Mon 11-Nov-13 20:29:31

The I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue team of Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor, in the company of their esteemed chairman Humphrey Lyttelton, have been recording their BBC radio show around the UK for longer than any of them can remember ... that's about week - or twenty minutes in the case of Barry Cryer. At each venue Humph would present a short history of the location, written by Iain Pattinson, to the mutual delight of the audience, the team and their delightful scorer Samantha (who somehow always found time for a rewarding poke in the area's backstreets). We are privileged to present, in gazetteer form, the very best of Humph's local histories from Radio 4's multi award-winning `antidote to panel games'. As accurate as Wikipedia and as comprehensive as Reader's Digest, this unique guide tells you everything you never knew you wouldn't ever need to know about the background and inhabitants of Britain's most prominent towns and cities.

The intelligent reader will waste no time in adding it to their collection.

It was from Bristol in 1497 that John Cabot set off to find a new route to the Spice Islands by sailing north-west. He instead discovered a strange, hostile world which he named `Newfoundland', until the natives explained that they actually called it `Swansea'.

It's well documented in official records that the city's original name was `Snottingham' or `home of Snotts', but when the Normans came, they couldn't pronounce the initial letter `S', so decreed the town be called `Nottingham' or the `home of Notts'. It's easy to understand why this change was resisted so fiercely by the people of Scunthorpe.

A settlement is first recorded in Brighton as long as ago as 3000BC, when Celtic Druids practised their ancient worship of oaks, mistletoe and virgins, and indeed, oaks and mistletoe are still plentiful in Brighton.

chicaguapa Mon 11-Nov-13 20:30:46

We moved from Cockermouth to Ramsbottom. I think I'll have the best eulogy ever, with titters from the back. grin

BogStandardOldWoman Mon 11-Nov-13 20:36:48

Not far from Ugley is the village of Nasty. Wonder if they have a WI? I live near Cold Christmas. Not rude, just odd!

MissSmiley Mon 11-Nov-13 20:39:25

Newark is an anagram of Wanker. Hard to forget.

Basketofchocolate Mon 11-Nov-13 20:41:43

I can offer Thong in Kent, Dunino in Fife (good for when taxi driver asks where you want to go), Maes-y-cwmmer in Wales (might need Welsh pron for that one - and some imagination) and my favourite is Spy in Belgium.

bluesbaby Mon 11-Nov-13 20:47:10

Faccombe makes me laugh every time :D

And Timsbury for some reason. So random.

bluesbaby Mon 11-Nov-13 20:49:52

Fanny big in the brecon beacons is also one that always makes me laugh :D

What about Low Hole Bottom in Pateley Bridge, North Yorkshire? grin

oldsilver Mon 11-Nov-13 20:57:00

I had my ears pierced in Condom, France.

A personal favourite is Squeeze Belly Lane in Kingsbridge, which is the narrowest public thoroughfare in the Country, apparently smile

Basketofchocolate Mon 11-Nov-13 20:58:49

Ah yes, have seen a Sexburga Drive somewhere too....

AthelstaneTheUnreadyFucker Mon 11-Nov-13 21:02:58

All the Splatts. Look across a map of Cornwall and it's all Combe, Combe, Splatt, Combe, Combe, Splatt, Hilary. Crazy place, crazy guys...

TheBreastmilksOnMe Mon 11-Nov-13 21:05:53

I know it's not rude but I live a couple of miles away from a village called LLANFAIRPWLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRNDROBWLLANTYSILIOGOGOGOCH

Always sure to raise a smile or an eyebrow!

BazilGin Mon 11-Nov-13 21:07:26

Drove through Cocking today, nr Chichester.

BazilGin Mon 11-Nov-13 21:08:51

I also always giggle walking through Jeffery's Passage in Guildford. Damn my dirty mind!

EyeOfNewtBigtoesOfFrog Mon 11-Nov-13 21:12:27

I grew up near the village of Shelf.

Finsbury Park always makes smirk because it's funny backwards.

bluesbaby Mon 11-Nov-13 21:20:44

I'm also near Over Wallop and Nether Wallop :D
And Dummer

Doublemuvver Mon 11-Nov-13 21:21:28

Know a Wan King Path in Hong Kong

JaquelineHyde Mon 11-Nov-13 21:25:58

I used to drive by Twatt all the time on Shetland. It was just so, so wrong when the children used to say it grin

StormyBrid Mon 11-Nov-13 21:31:02

There's a Cock Alley in the depths of Derbyshire somewhere. Couldn't tell you exactly where though, we were lost when we found the place.

AthelstaneTheUnreadyFucker Mon 11-Nov-13 21:37:27

And I can't believe that Little and Great Cockup have been mentioned, but not Cockupbottom, just down the road in Cumbria.

dogeral Mon 11-Nov-13 21:39:17

why on earth am I thinking of that 'young man from kent'

WansteadG Mon 11-Nov-13 21:41:49

Pity Me and No Place

debbietheduck Mon 11-Nov-13 21:50:52

Further afield, there's a place in Thailand called Phuket.

You don't actually pronounce it like that but it still amuses me.

theITgirl Mon 11-Nov-13 21:54:50

Near me is a road called Cumcum hill! grin

Been to Dorset loads of times so love all the piddle names, my favourite is Piddletrenthide.

itsnothingoriginal Mon 11-Nov-13 22:01:09

Cockadilly and Waterley Bottoms are near me!

Love the Piddles too - always raises a laugh in the back of the car grin

DrCoconut Mon 11-Nov-13 22:04:49

Had forgotten about Fanny Hands Lane. We used to go past it regularly when I was little.

I see Penistone was mentioned back at the start of the thread, but the funniest thing is it's just down the road from Wombwell...

PaperPomPom Mon 11-Nov-13 22:24:28

Crotch Crescent in Oxford always made me smile when I drove past.

duchesse Mon 11-Nov-13 22:26:40

How about the address of Shelterbox in Helston in Cornwall? 1, Water-ma-Trout. What's that about?

duchesse Mon 11-Nov-13 22:29:34

oldsilver- is Squeeze Belly Lane really narrower than Parliament Street in Exeter?

I can't believe no-one has mentioned Sheperds Bush. It isn't particularly rude but it still cracks me up every time I'm on the tube childish

Ha ha, of course Mickey. I lived in London for so long that Shepherds Bush just sounds normal, but yes, absolutely! grin

There is also a side street in Guildford called Jeffrey's Passage. Always makes me giggle for similar reasons.

Blimey, I used to live in Shepherd's Bush, never occurred to me it was Viz-tastic.

(I have it on good authority there used to be a road in the City called Gropecunt Lane, btw. Presumably medieval gentlemen visitors to London liked to know exactly where they could find some ladies of negotiable virtue...)

Wuldric Mon 11-Nov-13 22:59:15

Whip-Ma-Whop-Ma-Gate always makes me feel sorry for Ma (self-pity)

I like The Shambles though.

All the best ones are in Yorkshire.

I like Tourettes, a village in France.

elQuintoConyo Mon 11-Nov-13 23:00:31

Went for a dirty weekend in Spain to Peniscola grin wondered if it came mixed with cum rum.

Unfortunately pronounced pen- yiss- co-la, much less fun!

wispaxmas Mon 11-Nov-13 23:04:25

I'm a big fan of Westward, Ho! In Devon. Only town name with a exclamation mark in it grin

wispaxmas Mon 11-Nov-13 23:06:30

Apparently there's a town in Quebec with two exclamation marks, though: Saint-Louis-du-Ha! Ha!

BuffytheAnyAppleFucker Mon 11-Nov-13 23:18:04

Piddletown used to make us laugh as kids

I live near Farleigh Wallop which gets a mention in Bill Bryson's Notes from a Small Island. I rather like it - it sounds like something from a Two Ronnies sketch.

Livinginlimbo2 Mon 11-Nov-13 23:49:21

Wigwig in Shropshire. Pant in Wales.

BlueMonday17 Mon 11-Nov-13 23:50:12

Wetwang, Wombwell and Blubberhouses are my holy trinity of hilarious Yorkshire place names. And before anyone shoots me down, I'm from Yorkshire, although from a more boringly-named place.

oldsilver Mon 11-Nov-13 23:52:26

duchesse I don't know if it is the narrowest - but it is very narrow. Probably doesn't help that there used to be (I don't know if there still is though) a chippie at one end! smile

I was just told, as a child, it was the narrowest - apologies if it isn't.

duchesse Mon 11-Nov-13 23:55:20

Maybe it's because it's a lane rather than a street? Maybe it's local pride? I discovered earlier that there's a narrower street than Parliament street (which to be honest could easily be mistaken for a mere gap between two large buildings <sacrilege!>) in Germany.

mouldyironingboard Mon 11-Nov-13 23:55:27

There's a place in Hertfordshire called Round Bush.

A street called Snatchup Alley, also in south Hertfordshire, makes me snigger when I drive past!

KingCrimson Tue 12-Nov-13 02:16:28

There's a place in Itay called Arsoli.

perfectstorm Tue 12-Nov-13 02:38:27

Friar's Entry in Oxford.
Grope Lane in Shrewsbury (used to be where the brothels were, apparently?)
Lake Titicaca. I know; I should be too mature for that one to make me laugh, but no.
There's actually a place called Vagina in Russia. That's one for a postcard.

3littlewomen Tue 12-Nov-13 03:05:47

We have Bastardstown down the road in County Wexford, Ireland

StatelyAsAGalleon Tue 12-Nov-13 04:43:29

perfectstorm you beat me to Friars Entry in Oxford.

I have also had the good fortune of living close to Pratts Bottom and Badgers Mount in Kent.

Can't believe nobody has mentioned Fanjeaux, I the Aude region of France. It should be twinned with Mumsnet.

birdmomma Tue 12-Nov-13 04:44:05

There's a skiing village here in New Zealand called Whakapapa. It's pronounced fucker-papa.

iFad Tue 12-Nov-13 08:16:35
iFad Tue 12-Nov-13 08:17:53

I'm definitely looking at property in Slutshole Lane grin

PattyPuddy Tue 12-Nov-13 08:53:36

Has anyone else driven along Bald Knob Road?


Thumbwitch Tue 12-Nov-13 10:41:55

YES! I have. I knew there was another hilarious name up there somewhere but couldn't remember it - thank you for posting it! grin Went along it, or saw it anyway when we visited Maleny.

justamouse Tue 12-Nov-13 11:03:23

Clitheroe in Lancashire. I'd love to meet the clit heroe, that would make my day!

Livinginlimbo2 Tue 12-Nov-13 12:25:07

My friend lives in a village called; " Willy". True, it's on Shropshire.

EldritchCleavage Tue 12-Nov-13 12:27:06

What about Quimper, in France?

On the island of Reunion in the Indian Ocean, one of the larger towns is called Tampon

Livinginlimbo2 Tue 12-Nov-13 22:21:42

Sounds like right bloody hole if you ask me!

There's a Nunney Castle in the Cheshire area, always gave the kids a laugh when they were little.

Oops perhaps Somerset not Cheshire.

paulagil Mon 25-Nov-13 17:20:58

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but I've just found Sandy Balls in Hampshire. It might be on here already, but... LOLOLOLOL.....

And there is Shag Rock on S Georgia (nearish to The Falklands). And who can pass by Spankers Hill Wood in Richmond Park without sniggering? Ho ho! *childish face*

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