To make DH pay for DS's coat

(37 Posts)
armadillosocial Sun 03-Nov-13 10:53:49

DH has taken the week off.

I've had work to do see he has taken kids out on day trips.

DS1 has lost his new coat. Proper winter storm proof thing.

DS1 says he gave it to FIL to hold when he was in the park.

It's now nowhere to be seen.

DH & FIL are denying all responsibility, saying both that he never had it AND they brought it back.

What's more DH is saying DS1 can't have a new one as he needs to learn a lesson shock

He knows that obviously I won't let him go all winter without a decent coat.

I understand that things get lost but it's DH's washing his hands of the whole thing which is annoying me.

I'm furious.

DH thinks I should be grateful for him looking after kids while I work but I expect them to be looked after properly confused

littlewhitebag Sun 03-Nov-13 10:58:24

What age is DS? If the adults say the coat was brought back then it probably was. Maybe DS left it somewhere else or you just haven't found it yet.

ImperialBlether Sun 03-Nov-13 10:59:54

Grateful for him looking after his own children while you work to help support the family?

Has he gone mad?

Tuonz Sun 03-Nov-13 11:00:12

I think the fact your DH would rather punish a child then admit he's made an error is disgusting. All children should have a warm coat, being kept warm is up there with being fed, clean and loved.

Is this a massively out of character one off reaction?

Tuonz Sun 03-Nov-13 11:01:21

I have assumed younger child from the day at the park fwiw.

TTTatty Sun 03-Nov-13 11:01:41

Grateful? I would start there never mind the coat!
How old is DS? That influences a lot how much responsibility he should take IMO

armadillosocial Sun 03-Nov-13 11:04:01

He's 7.

armadillosocial Sun 03-Nov-13 11:04:31

To be fair to DH - he hasn't outwardly said I should be grateful, and he has done it willingly. That was probably a bit unfair on my part!

RandomMess Sun 03-Nov-13 11:07:10

You have checked the car haven't you?

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Nov-13 11:07:15

Are you sure your DS isn't just claiming to have handed it to your FIL, so that it's not his fault?

He might have left it on a bench or something.

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Nov-13 11:08:16

You do realise this thread will mainly be about the last line of your OP, don't you? grin

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Sun 03-Nov-13 11:08:36

Your DH is being very unreasonable to expect a 7 yo to be cold as a punishment.

Tuonz Sun 03-Nov-13 11:09:16

So your DH would let a seven year old child go cold all winter as he never had the coat and fil never had the coat but they can both confirm it came back? Either DS wore it home or he didn't.

ginmakesitallok Sun 03-Nov-13 11:09:31

If he is your dh then does it matter who actually buys the new coat??? Just get him a new coat ffs!.

Fairenuff Sun 03-Nov-13 11:21:48

Do you mean make him pay financially? Do you have separate accounts or something?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 03-Nov-13 11:26:12

Just get a new coat.

Is DH his child

Bowlersarm Sun 03-Nov-13 11:29:28

Surely it doesn't matter who buys the coat? It comes out of the family pot of money whoever buys it.

flowery Sun 03-Nov-13 11:31:12

Do you not have shared finances? Yes it's annoying, but these things happen, get a new coat. I'd be less worried about the money than about your DH thinking a 7yo going cold all winter is acceptable.

knickernicker Sun 03-Nov-13 11:42:30

The child is only 7. Whoever left it wherever, the child shouldn't be punished. Your dh is a bit if a loon to want to punish a little boy this severely. Obviously a new coat will be bought.
If this story is just one example of your dh behaviour, I'm sure you've got plenty more you could tell us.

gemmal88 Sun 03-Nov-13 12:46:52

Do you have separate money? Surely the money you spend on your kids is shared?

At the end of the day the kid needs a coat so rise above him and just get it.

Re. The grateful bit... He is your husband's son as well, I'd be telling him to wind his neck in!

Even IF your DS put his coat on a bench and then left it there, your DH should have checked. Children are just as much the responsibility of Dads as they are of Mums, (not that you would believe it most of the time sad). I'm a bit confused over the issue of who buys the coat, unless you both hate shopping (that's what the internet is for) or if you have separate finances.

SanityClause Sun 03-Nov-13 13:03:48

Surely a 7yo knows if they wore their coat home, or not?

ChippingInLovesAGoodBang Sun 03-Nov-13 13:04:42

Yep - the coat is the least of your worries isn't it.

FunkyFucker Sun 03-Nov-13 13:05:10

What's more DH is saying DS1 can't have a new one as he needs to learn a lesson

What lesson is that? Not to trust his dad to pay attention when he is at the park?

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 03-Nov-13 13:06:45

But your DH was the responsible adult in this situation! If your child was that responsible then he wouldn't need looking after at all.

SteamWisher Sun 03-Nov-13 13:08:30

This is a 7 year old child right?

And I assume that is DH is one of two parents, right?

1 - Your DH shouldn't have to pay because it surely comes out of one pot of money for your family. Otherwise you end up with ridiculous situations where one parent claims to be subsidising the other even if it means in reality they're providing basics for their own children

2-your DH and you shouldn't be having blackmail type stand offs when the result is that your kid is caught in the middle.

Both of you need to grow up a bit.

SoupDragon Sun 03-Nov-13 13:11:49

To be fair to DH - he hasn't outwardly said I should be grateful, and he has done it willingly.

So, you made that bit up then?

soverylucky Sun 03-Nov-13 13:23:36

Your ds needs a new coat regardless of whose fault it was. Yes your son may have been at fault and an appropriate punishment may be required but he can not go all winter without a coat.
So buy him a new coat. Do you have to rely on your husband for money? If you do then that is a very sad state of affairs and no way to live a marriage that should be equal. Or I may have misunderstood what you mean.

ZombieMojaveWonderer Sun 03-Nov-13 13:35:48

Jeez I can't believe you are arguing over a coat! Just buy the poor kid a new coat. Who cares who pays for it surely it comes from the family pot!

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Sun 03-Nov-13 13:40:41

In.our house, we share.money, so a new coat would come out.of the pot.

Do you and dh keep your money separate?

Have you asked ds where the coat is?

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 03-Nov-13 13:43:25

Just buy a cheap new coat and chalk it up to experience. IME coats get lost - it's one of the sad consequences of having children. As soon as you get a new one though you do realise the old one will turn don't you. My friend found one of DS's only the other week when she had her house decorated - well a fleece actually but it was a lovely navy M&S one that I remember being cross about at the time. It was age 7-8 - DS is nearly 19 grin.

MostWicked Sun 03-Nov-13 14:42:35

Your son needs a coat for winter. It would be neglectful not to have one. So buy him a coat. When he is out with an adult, that adult should take responsibility for things like that.

Our house rule has always been that if DCs lose/ break something out of carelessness then it will be replaced as cheaply as possible. So if DS has a Superdry coat and leaves it at the park then it may well be replaced with an Asda/ charity shop item. 7 is a bit young for this though, imo, dad was responsible for bringing the coat hoe - in fact he should have been responsible for making sure that DS was wearing it!

Darkesteyes Sun 03-Nov-13 16:57:50

DH & FIL are denying all responsibility, saying both that he never had it AND they brought it back.

This statement alone tells me that neither of them think childcare is their responsibility really.

FunkyFucker Sun 03-Nov-13 17:18:48

*DH & FIL are denying all responsibility, saying both that he never had it AND they brought it back•

They can't have brought something back that they never took so either they took it and lost it or they brought it back in which case they better start looking for it...

ThisWayForCrazy Sun 03-Nov-13 17:19:50

I haven't read anyone else's comments.

My questions are this..

Why on earth does it matter who replaces the coat between you and DH? Are you not a couple?

Why are you supposed to be grateful he "looked after" his own kids?

Why is loosing a coat not looking after them properly?

This relationship/family seems disjointed and not at all a union.

LaQueenOfTheDamned Sun 03-Nov-13 18:02:35

Coats get lost, quite easily when you're wrangling young children, and other stuff.

I fail to understand why getting another one is an issue. Surely, money for clothing your DS comes out of a shared household pot of finances?

Or, are you the sort of ridiculous couple who revel in playing petty mind games, and splitting hairs in order to gain some sort of pseudo moral highground...and all the while your poor DS is stuck in the middle?

In which case, grow the fuck up.

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