To be angry that ex spent half my maintenance

(36 Posts)
WearingAnUmbrellaHat Wed 30-Oct-13 20:18:30

Ex has paid no maintenance in a year. He recently offered to pay £100 every time he is paid after a job as he is self employed. He owes me £200 and today was supposed to give the first £100. He handed over £52 plus a receipt for £48 of clothing after he claimed that Ds clothes were too small and dirty.

I am furious as the money is to be spent how I choose and is another example of his controlling behaviour. DS did not need new clothes btw.

what do you think? AIBU to be furious?

Onebuddhaisnotenough Wed 30-Oct-13 20:20:47

Dick.

catsmother Wed 30-Oct-13 20:28:47

Has he given you the clothes as well ? I don't suppose you can take them back ? (not that you should have to)

IsThatTrue Wed 30-Oct-13 20:29:03

dick

^^ this

ChasedByZombees Wed 30-Oct-13 20:29:35

Arse

UserError Wed 30-Oct-13 20:34:40

Wankbiscuit. Total wankbiscuit.

HowardTJMoon Wed 30-Oct-13 20:39:11

He hasn't spent £48 of your child's maintenance, he's just chosen to spend £48 of his own money on his own child. Fair enough, that's what parents do. He still owes you £148 of maintenance.

I'd post the receipt back to him with a note saying "Dunno why you gave me this, it's nothing to do with me. When are you going to give me the £148 you owe in unpaid child maintenance?"

Thatisall Wed 30-Oct-13 20:40:27

Argh I think if he's going to play silly beggars, you may have to involve the CSA.
:-(

DrCoconut Wed 30-Oct-13 21:12:06

Surely if he's bought clothes it's saved you money? Otherwise he'd be asking you to provide them?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Wed 30-Oct-13 21:17:24

I don't see what he has done wrong.

the money is for the child, and if the child needed clothing then the father did the right thing.

WearingAnUmbrellaHat Wed 30-Oct-13 21:22:31

To top it off, DS came in holding the money saying his dad had said it was his. So therefore, that would mean that DS has paid for his own clothes.

YoniMatopoeia Wed 30-Oct-13 21:23:22

YANBU. Maintenance is for the resident parent to support the child. If he wants to get extra clothes then he can do that from his money.

TooTabooToBOOOOO Wed 30-Oct-13 21:25:11

A friend used to get her maintenance by cheque in the post. The total always had the cost of the stamp deducted from it.

I thank god ex and I are on good terms.

deepfriedsage Wed 30-Oct-13 21:25:27

Yep a Dick.

My ex used cm on his wives business adventure. I had to see the bastards sponsored ad on my fb today. All I thought is dc are suffering for that business.

TooTabooToBOOOOO Wed 30-Oct-13 21:26:45

pressed too soon.

Ex will hand me maintenance money and ask if DS is ok for nappies. Turns up with clothes/toys. Offers to buy essentials.

I don't like to rely on him for stuff so normally say that I'll go halves with him (eg DS needs a snowsuit for winter, then the bigger picture of the next stage car seat)

basgetti Wed 30-Oct-13 21:26:57

YANBU. He has no right to unilaterally spend money you were no doubt relying on and maybe even had earmarked for other things.

And he hasn't saved the OP money since she clearly stated that her DS doesn't need new clothes. He has spent her money.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam Wed 30-Oct-13 21:28:12

He's a Dick! My ex gave me a bag of his step-sons cast offs last week. He then said he wouldn't give me any maintenance this month as ds1 wouldn't need any new clothes angry

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan Wed 30-Oct-13 21:33:44

I agree he is a dick. The person the child lives with is in the best place to decide what the child needs at that moment in time, he may be in more need of school shoes and coat than clothes and this man spending the cm on clothes he doesnt need could mean there is no money to buy much needed winter coat and shoes (can you tell my ds has gone through his school shoes already? grin)

deepfriedsage Wed 30-Oct-13 21:35:07

Take the clothes back for a refund?

WearingAnUmbrellaHat Wed 30-Oct-13 21:35:53

I will never be able to rely on him for money now as he is self employed. I have decided to see any payments he deigns to give me as bonuses. The clothes weren't even to DS's taste either which shows how little he knows him. For example, there were two pairs of jeans. DS never wears jeans as he says they are uncomfortable. He lives in combats, jogging bottoms and shorts in the summer. There was also a horrible shirt which he would never wear, he only likes tshirts.

WearingAnUmbrellaHat Wed 30-Oct-13 21:37:02

Sadly, the clothes e were bought on a card. One of the pairs of jeans has a tag on. Would it be worth trying and taking them back and asking for a credit slip. Could say they were an unwanted gift?

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan Wed 30-Oct-13 21:40:21

I was talking with my neighbour recently and she was whinging about her dp's ex kicking off because her dp hadnt paid any CM. neighbour justified this by saying "she's got a cheek, he took the dcs out last week and bought them both a game for the PS3 game at £50 each and she expects CM on top of that? Huh. Greedy bitch" hmm

deepfriedsage Wed 30-Oct-13 21:40:25

Yes they were an unwanted, not exactly a gift. At least get him clothes he will wear, in the next size up.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Wed 30-Oct-13 21:42:37

That rubbish, so he spends 1/2 money on crap DS will not wear.

TwattyBojangles Wed 30-Oct-13 21:52:32

That is appalling. Child maintenance is not just there to cover clothes, it's to help with costs of living eg food, etc. YADefinitelyNBU. Would CSA be able to help?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Wed 30-Oct-13 21:54:23

twatty, CSA is worked out by earnings.

if he isn't 'earning' then it will be a zero calculation.

deepfriedsage Wed 30-Oct-13 21:55:42

What did you say to your neighbour?

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan Wed 30-Oct-13 21:58:35

I told her my ex tried that one aswell and how i had put him straight on how toys dont make up for lack of food or heat. She mumbled something about ex getting plenty from him in the past then decided she could hear her child calling her. I could hear nothing.

deepfriedsage Wed 30-Oct-13 22:20:44

At least you will not be subjected to that again from her,shame on her supporting a child not getting the legal minimum.

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan Wed 30-Oct-13 22:22:47

She is one of those people who seems to always be in a battle with someone. Her mum her SIL her ex, her dps ex. I think it's her default position to be 'at war' with people even though she complains that her own ex doesnt give her enough CM hmm

deepfriedsage Wed 30-Oct-13 22:35:26

Lucky you living near her.

WearingAnUmbrellaHat Thu 31-Oct-13 06:48:54

I have got a feeling that somehow he is going to be using giving me money to his own advantage. He had insisted that I sign a receipt but when my mum asked for the receipt for me to sign (I was in the next room as we don't speak face to face) he said "I haven't got it, I'll sign it off as something else" hmm

At this point I was so mad I just wanted him to go so it didn't really register but is there a way he could make paying me somehow to his advantage when doing his tax return? I am also suspicious now that he will write a receipt that says more than he gave me and sign it "on my behalf".

WearingAnUmbrellaHat Thu 31-Oct-13 06:50:39

Had a thought this morning that I would post the clothes back to him, no postage of course splattered in nail varnish grin

Lweji Thu 31-Oct-13 06:52:22

CSA or court, wherever you are.

Don't sign receipts as something else. Insist on a bank transfer.

Does he have the child any nights?

WearingAnUmbrellaHat Thu 31-Oct-13 07:04:04

Over the year, since taking me to mediation and agreeing to a monthly visit (we live 150 miles away) He has seen him 4 times. Not down to me I should add. Sometimes he doesn't even call for a month when he is supposed to call weekly. also, we share the pick up/drop off when DS goes to see him. Before we moved, he hadn't seen or contacted DS in a year.

So in answer to your question, he has him so rarely, it's negligible. It will have to be court for me as he is S/E.

WearingAnUmbrellaHat Thu 31-Oct-13 07:05:00

Over the *last year that should be.

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