WIBU or was the other parent - library hell

(89 Posts)

I take DD (almost 3) to the library a lot. She likes it there and I like books so it works. She is a loud, independent child who needs some social skills. I am under no illusion that she is well-behaved but we are working on it. The librarians love her.

Today there was a little boy (the same age exactly) who was playing too. She had the trains first, wandered off and he started playing with them. There were other trains but he had the 'best' set. She wanted them. She was being a complete PITA but I was removing her, warning her and gave her two time-outs. She knew that the third meant we were leaving. She didn't hit, push or anything like that. She did try to snatch a few times.

The other child also didn't want to share (fine, he had them) but was whining and crying every time she went within two feet. "Daddy, that little boy wants my toy, daddy, that little boy is getting a time-out". Don't get me started on DD being called a boy. He also shouted and screamed at her a couple of times.

Anyhow, she went near him again, no touching, and I said, "one more touch and we are leaving". The Dad said, "are you just going to keep warning or are you going to follow through?" Really angrily. I said, "she's had two time-outs". Then the Dad flounced off saying something PA about not being able to play.

So, vipers, I think we were both a little U. He probably didn't see the time-outs (I removed her from the table to do them) but his child wasn't sharing either and his behaviour wasn't perfect, just different to mine. I was trying, he could see that. I wish, in my hardened, mean heart, I had let DD take the bloody train. Since we got told off anyway.

Maybe we should have just left the moment the issue arose but how will she learn?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndHarry Wed 30-Oct-13 19:40:36

I think it was a case of misunderstanding rather than unreasonableness. I can't bear it when DS whines about another child so I probably would have been tetchy too.

TeamEdwooooooo Wed 30-Oct-13 19:41:03

YWNBU. You were following the behaviour rules and consequences that you have set and your child understands. The other parent had no right to question how you parent your child.

MidniteScribbler Wed 30-Oct-13 19:41:40

You should have both encouraged them to share and play together.

It pains me to say this because you are one of the few posters that I notice, and whose posts I like, but I think you WBU if you'd threatened to leave previously but not done it. The "keep warning" bit from the dad suggested you did. Sorry.

He was a passive aggressive twat and by leaving his son won't learn how to deal with these issues either.

DiscoBiscuits Wed 30-Oct-13 19:42:28

YANBU.

He is.

DiscoBiscuits Wed 30-Oct-13 19:42:58

Correction.

He was.

LifeOfPee Wed 30-Oct-13 19:43:48

Anyone who gets really cross about children playing and just being children (i.e whiney, possessive of toys, crying, loud, annoying etc, etc) is a twat.

misspontypine Wed 30-Oct-13 19:43:51

I would say that you should not have let your dd get close enough to disturb the boy. Fair enough the 1st time she did it but after the 1st time why didn't you just pick her up when she started moving towards the boy?

2 feet is too close for a child who wants to take a toy away in my opinion.

cupoftchai Wed 30-Oct-13 19:44:34

Your lib has toys? How cool!

WereTricksPotter Wed 30-Oct-13 19:46:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cuppachai Wed 30-Oct-13 19:46:09

I never do timeouts. One strike and you're out. DS knows it too and has never snatched or hit out at other kids. I do get frustrated if someone else's DC is snatching or hitting and they are allowed back for a second or third go.

I can see from your point of view too though, the Dad can't expect to go to a public play area and expect no-one else to turn up and disturb their private play time. He should have just asked his DS to share and the whole situation would probably have diffused.

Midnite if only. There was no way in hell they were going to play nicely.

I had warned her that if she touched his train or him again, she was leaving. She hadn't actually touched again at the point I warned her IYSWIM.

sad that Agent agrees with the mean man. grin

I did wonder if he was stressed because DD is a giantess of a child and he and his son were very short. I wonder if he thinks his LO will get bullied. It's a minefield.

intitgrand Wed 30-Oct-13 19:48:24

YWNBU

He sounded like an arse.

He had heard your two warnings to your dc and knew you were on the case yet chose to try to embarrass you.

He was a pleb.

Next time , wind him up proper wink

BarbarianMum Wed 30-Oct-13 19:50:04

If your dd is very large for her age he probably thought she was older and expected her to behave better. A common problem for tall children.

Ultimately though, I think I'd file it under 'one of those things that happens' and forget it.

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan Wed 30-Oct-13 19:51:15

My response to him would have been "none of your bloody business. Parent your own child"

Redcliff Wed 30-Oct-13 19:51:47

I don't why he felt the need to say anything negative - I was out today and another boy tried to push in on something my son was on His mother dealt with it and I gave her a smile - job done

Barbarian you are sadly right. DD is always taken for 4 or 5 and I agree she would be foul if she was a 5 yo. She is quite a normal 2 yo.

cuppa hitting is no warning. Snatching I give her a chance. This time it wasn't working well.

Doobiedoobedoobie Wed 30-Oct-13 19:56:31

YANBU. I may have thought it on rather a lot of occasions (the are you ever going to actually follow through thing if I've heard a parent warning and warning with no consequence) but would never actually say anything. Unless my child was actually being pushed/ hurt and even then it's be a comment about that behaviour not the parents consequence toward it iyswim. He has no right to comment on your parenting IMO even if it had been shoddy, which it doesn't sound like it was.

TheCrackFoxFucker Wed 30-Oct-13 19:56:52

He was a twat.

funnyossity Wed 30-Oct-13 19:57:06

Neither of mine at three would have been able to "count" the time outs as it where, I would perhaps therefore have interpreted your actions similarly to this other parent. I wouldn't have reacted the way he did but maybe he was having a bad day.

(Or maybe I'm just a pleb too, San Diego!)

DontPanicMrMannering Wed 30-Oct-13 20:01:03

How rude! He was bu if that was my dd I would have been joining in the discipline asking her to share nicely

and stop fucking whining as that touches my grr arrgh buttons

DontPanicMrMannering Wed 30-Oct-13 20:01:54

I mean if my dd was his ds oh you know what I mean

SolomanDaisy Wed 30-Oct-13 20:02:05

I agree it is probably because he thought your daughter was older. I have this problem a lot with DS, it is very tempting to make a sign that says being tall and verbal does not give me social maturity. Plus the man sounds like a twat.

I am taking the point about counting the TOs. Maybe one then out in future. It was really low level stuff which I find hard to gauge. If she was really beyond the pale I would have removed her but it was pushing boundary stuff which is difficult. Had I been him, I would have asked DD (DS in his case) to give the other child a turn. That's not everyone's bag though, so I get why he didn't.

Anyway it left me sad for DD and a bit hmm about my terrible parenting so thanks for the reasoned, mixed but fair responses. I can show my face in the library again. I will make DD a badge that says "I am 2" on it grin

CeliaLytton Wed 30-Oct-13 20:42:20

YWbothBU, the little boy was obviously upset and intimidated so maybe you should have given your DD less chances, as you have already said, and the dad should have tried to encourage sharing and not criticised your parenting.

Forget about it and go and make a big shiny badge grin

,funny: battery on my phone died so slow in responding.

The dad had noticed that OP was dealing with her child , his response suggests he lacks patience and too quick yo jump on a fellow parent .

Yes, knobbish wink

Fair point about his DS being upset. I am so used to DD, who is fearless and strong, shakes off falls and injuries I may lack some empathy about other people dealing with their own behavior issues with shyness, fear and clinginess.

I just read the thread about the DS who is finding school hard and 'tells tales' and it is getting him ostracized. I suppose we all have our challenges.

Sounds like you did fine. If I was the dad I would have tried to encourage, or rather insisted on, a bit of sharing/turn taking.

If I was you I would have done my best at distraction (time-out doesn't work for us) and if that didn't work I would have left.

How do you know the little boy was the same age btw?

maddening Wed 30-Oct-13 20:55:42

you should have stopped her approaching the boy repeatedly.

funnyossity Wed 30-Oct-13 20:56:38

Ah if only we were all more like the Dalai Lama!

funnyossity Wed 30-Oct-13 20:57:05

Sorry that was to San Diego

monkeymamma Wed 30-Oct-13 20:57:11

Pah. PArenting is hard and no one is getting it right all the time. He was a knob to say what he said rather than shoot you the standard grimace of solidarity that is expected in these situations. Your dd sounds like a completely normal 3yo and his ds should have been sharing.

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan Wed 30-Oct-13 20:57:38

OP my ds is 4 but quite a young four and when we go somewhere i do 3 pre warnings before we get to the place. One before we leave the house, one small reminder on the way and one just before we go in. What i say is "remember how we are to behave. What are the rules?" And he will reply whatever the rules are, usually no touching if in a shop, hold mummy's hand, ask before playing with a toy someone else has, say please and thank you. It depends where we are going. Once he has told me the rules i then ask him what happens if he breaks a rule and he says "we will be leaving straight away" it works for us and ive only ever had to leave a place once and he got the message. I dont do timeouts and 3 chances etc as i think it just gives 2 more chances to be naughty when they know the rules anyway. It might work with your dd smile

ChippingInNeedsANYFUCKER Wed 30-Oct-13 20:58:08

I would have probably said 'Are you going to teach your child to stop being a whiney arse? When you have done that, do come back and tell me how to parent my child - who has not touched your whiney arsed child once' hmm

in my dreams, in reality I'd have stood there gawping at his rudeness

DD isn't yet 3, she didn't belt him over the head with a train or anything, she just wanted the train back that she had, had. Hard concept to grasp (for some children at that age) that although 'she had it first' she'd put it down now someone else has it... some learn this more quickly than other <<they're usually the ones with a zillion toys gripped tightly grin

Have a wine, don't give it another thought.

BasilBabyEater Wed 30-Oct-13 20:59:49

He was a nob.

And he wouldn't have spoken to another father like that.

He wouldn't have felt entitled to.

pianodoodle Wed 30-Oct-13 21:00:31

Aw she's only 2! This is the time when you are teaching them about behaviour etc... and if I saw a parent doing that I wouldn't butt in.

Like you, if I'd been the dad I'd have ask the boy to share nicely.

I'd only be a bit tutty if it was a child a couple of years older tbh. Even then I wouldn't snarl at the parent.

It must be trickier when they look older too. I might get the badge for mine for the opposite reason!

I've been given looks as if I'm being too harsh or expecting too much when talking to DD about behaviour.

She's 2 and a bit, but pretty much looks like newborn DD expect ten times bigger. Still has the chubby baby face and giant fluffy noggin grin

I want to say "I'm not telling off a baby everyone - she bloody well knows what I'm saying don't let the face fool you!"

hettienne Wed 30-Oct-13 21:00:58

The dad probably shouldn't have said anything, but really - 2 time-outs and you were still letting her go back and bother the other kid?

I would have found the repeated warnings, time-outs, and her still trying to take the train the boy was playing with really irritating too and would have been thinking exactly the same in my head.

Not the boy was more than a head shorter than DD and with the speech I thought he was a bloody gifted 1 yo. So, I asked the Dad (when we were on speaking terms, I was being friendly before Traingate) how old he was. Dad said 3 in December, same as DD.

mercibucket Wed 30-Oct-13 21:01:48

well i have often thought it, but are you one of 'those' annoying parents who are always threatening and never following through? he was rude to say it aloud though. i have an invisible speech bubble over my head instead

ChippingInNeedsANYFUCKER Wed 30-Oct-13 21:02:22

'She's 2, ignoring social norms is pretty standard at that age - what's your excuse?'

^^ he was rude not to try to get his child to share and not telling his DS to stop whining everytime another child gets anywhere near him.

<I really, really don't 'do' whiney children>

BasilBabyEater Wed 30-Oct-13 21:03:24

"and would have been thinking exactly the same in my head."

Exactly. In your head.

You're not rude/ arrogant/ entitled enough to say it out loud, are you?

We all get fed up with other people's parenting methods sometimes. We know that unless they're outright abusive, we probably don't hve the right to comment in public - that's what Mumsnet is for. wink

hettienne Wed 30-Oct-13 21:05:34

Why should the other child have "shared" something he was playing with? I never understand this.

funny

Ah if only we were all more like the Dalai Lama!

quite! wink

I'd still wind him up next time at the library

Chipping in my head I wanted to say, "DD let's not play with the whiney cry baby, or his son". Only because I felt like crying after being told off. I think I felt doubly annoyed because I thought, he was a Dad out with his son, covered in tattoos, so probably gets judged, I'll chat to him. More fool me.

Anyway, next time... warnings before we go in, one TO or telling off, then home if she carries on.

Cheers vipers.

DrankSangriaInThePark Wed 30-Oct-13 21:07:18

You weren't being unreasonable.....but you kind of were....I think this is an awkward one...clearly a 2 yr old isn't going to share, and play nicely with another toddler. They just aren't. So you kind of know that a timeout ain't never going to work....so you know that sooner or later, dd was going to have to be removed from the situation. So the hanging on until she'd had her requisite timeouts was probably just winding the other parent up (as it would me, tbh)

I do understand the thing about her seeming older, my friend's little boy was in 6 yr old clothing at 18mths! We used to get really dirty looks from other parents when he behaved like the 2 yr old he was!

DrankSangriaInThePark Wed 30-Oct-13 21:07:59

Xposted!

Evelynevening Wed 30-Oct-13 21:27:22

I don't give timeouts in public as I know they escalate the situation, that is what I've found personally. At home it works and we both get some time alone to cool off.

In public I would distract, give a warning and then move dc away from then problem.

I think in this instance though your dd wasn't really doing anything wrong. So I wouldn't have done time outs, if distracting with other toys, books wasn't working, I think I would've just left the library (maybe bribing your dd with the promise of a play in the park, or dvd when you got home etc, so she would be happy to leave).

The other dad was in the wrong though. He should've told his ds not to shout at your dd and also he should've encouraged his ds to share the train once he had had a play with them.

Goldenbear Wed 30-Oct-13 21:28:02

He was rude but I'm not sure why he should be expected to have someone in his personal space if he didn't want that? Not sure about being forced to share- I used to get myself het up about this with DS who is now 6.5 and wanted to be seen to be doing the 'right' thing but now with DD who is 2.5 i am much more relaxed- the Dad you came across would've hated me as I don't bother with 'time outs' or any particular discipline methods. Oddly, DD has never got upset about toys she just gives them up. However, she is shy and can get cross about children playing near her. I try to gently remind her that it's not a big deal and she is getting better but I'm not going to force her to behave in a certain way because of other peoples expectations. In that sense you were right to be annoyed by him.

Evelynevening Wed 30-Oct-13 21:34:45

I don't see the problem with 'forcing' your child to share. If we are at toddler group or library and someone less wants the toy I say to dc 'that it's belongs to the library, when you've had 5/10mins you can let _ have a turn' and then I time 5/10 minutes. Sometime dc is bored if the toy before 10 minuets anyway. But I think they need to know that toys in a communal situation need to be shared/take turns with.

stopthebusiwanttogetoff Wed 30-Oct-13 21:35:59

I think he was rude and BU. judgemental prick, it would have bothered me all day if I were you!

That said, I would have probably said at the start loud enough for the man to hear "oh look the little boy has the trains you were playing with! Let's read a story while we wait for him to have his turn." Then I would have said to the dad directly "please can you give us a nod when he is done, she was playing with them and wandered off so I will read her a story while she is waiting for another shot."

cakebar Wed 30-Oct-13 21:38:20

I can understand the guy being fed up, if you have more than one time out for doing the same thing then from his point of view your discipline isn't working.

I also think it helps to think about terminology, you thought the boy ought to share, but you can't share a train. You could take turns. I'm being pedantic I know, but if you refer to 'sharing' inaccurately then it will take dc longer to know what that actually means.

In this situation I would see that my dc wasn't going to be happy and would have removed her from the train area until the other kid had gone.

pianodoodle Wed 30-Oct-13 21:42:12

Why should the other child have "shared" something he was playing with? I never understand this

Because it's nice? My 2 year old doesn't have many friends her own age yet when we do go to a group or have another toddler over it's a chance for me to teach her about things like sharing and playing together.

I don't want her starting school/pre school thinking everything's hers I don't want to be the mum who gets stern letters sent home grin

pianodoodle Wed 30-Oct-13 21:46:06

Fair enough if it's one thing and they need to take turns.

hermioneweasley Wed 30-Oct-13 21:47:14

He should have encouraged his child to take turns.

He sounds like a twat and is going to find life hard at soft play etc if this is his attitude!

EndoplasmicReticulum Wed 30-Oct-13 21:47:49

I don't think libraries should have toys. I think they should have books, and shushing (old fashioned!).

Anyway, I think you might have given too many warnings, she was obviously determined to get the train and it was not going to end well either way!

True cake. DD was definitely doing that thing to see exactly how far she could go. She apologized after the TO and asked if she could have a turn. No was the answer. She is an expert in Mummy manipulation. Garr.

Endo my DB is a librarian and would agree.

hettienne Wed 30-Oct-13 21:51:44

There's a difference between thinking everything is yours, and just wanting to use something unmolested.

If you as an adult are at the library, reading one of the newspapers, and another adult came along and wanted that one, you wouldn't let them share it with you, or accept a 5 minute time limit before handing it over. You'd expect them to go and read a different paper.

Sometimes children have to go and play with a different train.

Goldenbear Wed 30-Oct-13 21:53:38

I do understand what you are saying about sharing but I find not many people encourage this behaviour and as a result your child ends up losing out for doing the 'right' thing. My Dd has the opposite problem of giving up things too easily and running off in fear of the child who is a bit assertive, so i don't have to really tackle sharing with her. The only place I have actively encouraged sharing, is at a under 5's activity morning that has lots of those little tike cars and a cornered off area to drive them around. I'll encourage her to go and try something else so other children can have a turn, which she'll happily do but then it usually follows that the child who replaces her hogs the car for the rest of the session! The only lesson they learn from this forced sharing is that they lose out and their Mother/Father was an enabler of that!

misspontypine Wed 30-Oct-13 21:57:19

I don't think sharing was appropriate in this situation, an adult wouldn't go up to another adult in a library and say "I would like to read that library book your reading, can I have a go?."

Yes it is a communal toy but assuming there are other toys I think a child should be allowed to play with the toy until their game comes to a natural end.

Kids always want the toy another child is playing with, I read that it is because the other child is demonstrating the toy so child can much more easily imagine playing with that toy ( rather than choosing a stationary disregarded toy) if you think of tv advertising the toys are always being played with because they look much more fun that way.

Did you try playing with the other toys to try to change your dds focus?

LeBearPolar Wed 30-Oct-13 22:00:14

Hettienne - 'Sometimes children have to go and play with a different train."

I love it. It sounds very profound and as if it applies to so many potential situations in life! grin

Alexandrite Wed 30-Oct-13 22:02:11

I would understand his annoyance if your dd had grabbed the toy and you had done nothing about it, but you were doing your best! You weren't just leaving her to it. The little boy wasn't exactly covering himself with glory with the shouting/screaming/whining, so the dad should have perhaps been a bit more forgiving of your dd's hehaviour!

Goldenbear Wed 30-Oct-13 22:08:38

IMO enforcing your 'sharing' standards on to others but asking another to alert you to when their child has finished playing with it has a lot of potential problems- the parent might not bother on insisting on this and you are getting your child to fixate on something that is very minor in the scheme of things.

I tried the other stuff. Her beloved horse was there and I was putting them for train rides on the other trains. DD just wanted that one.

I don't enforce sharing on others. I know people differ in their rules.

kmc1111 Wed 30-Oct-13 22:18:14

I think you were both BU. The man was rude, but if your daughter had tried to snatch the toy from the boy and was now hovering a couple of feet away barely restraining herself from pouncing, well that was probably quite stressful for him.

I would have been getting annoyed if I was watching my DS having to watch out for your daughter instead of being able to enjoy himself, and honestly if she was fixated on this one toy she couldn't have right now I'd be wondering why you weren't just taking her to go find a book or something else to distract her. Though I wouldn't of butted in unless they started fighting over the toy. If it was the only train it would have been nice if the he'd given her a go after he'd had it a while, but it wasn't, and given he couldn't enjoy his turn because of her, I don't really think he needed to share in that situation anyway.

But really, not a big deal anyway you look it, so don't sweat it.

ProphetOfDoom Wed 30-Oct-13 22:30:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrankSangriaInThePark Thu 31-Oct-13 06:05:39

grin at both "the terrible thirties" (I have one going through the terrible forties I think) and Hettienne's quote...I think MN should adopt it as QOTW.

Retroformica Thu 31-Oct-13 07:30:48

I do think if two time outs don't work, best to go home.

Was the son just scared your DD was going to take the train? No wonder he got anxious.

Also about sharing. The boy was having his turn and your DD should have just waited for her turn. Wether it be 3 mins or 20 mins.

Yanbu except for getting upset about her being called a boy!

Believe me - smug fathers of well behaved NT kids are a special kind of smug.

The closest I have come to lamping anyone was the smug father of two NT girls who were sat neatly colouring in thoughout the 4 hour Irish Sea crossing we were enduring. I was 6 months pregnant trying to deal with my severely autistic then 5 year old ds1. Yes he was tricky - he's severely autistic FFS and at that time had the language development of a 12 month old. He was also on a crowded ferry & stessed to the eyeballs.

Smug-father shook his head at me with a shit on his shoe expression. I swear I can close to lamping him.

redskyatnight Thu 31-Oct-13 08:15:50

Not what you asked I know, but I don't think the average 2 year old can reliably tell the difference between boys and girls. Mine couldn't anyway.

ApplePippa Thu 31-Oct-13 08:27:05

Saintly I've met that special smugness from smug fathers of NT children too smile.

I was in the library once with my autistic DS. DS discovered that the boxes of picture books were on wheels, and was trying to rearrange them so they were all lined up. I was struggling to rein DS in, simultaneously with trying to choose some books for him. There was a smug dad reading his well-behaved dd book after book. He kept shooting me filthy looks, and when his dd piped up "Daddy, that boy's being really naughty" he replied loudly "Yes he is, isn't he? You know how to behave don't you dd?".

OP, don't sweat it. Just chalk it up as one of those things and move on.

MrsMook Thu 31-Oct-13 08:29:52

The father was a prat.

DS is the same age and a toy hoarder especially over trains and vehicles. If someone else wants a go with the same toy, I try to encourage taking turns, or sharing his hoard. He is gradually improving.

Toddlers do squabble over toys, it's what they do, and not worth being precious over (the father). That doesn't mean they shouldn't be challenged, and you were dealing with it with a method.

FrauMoose Thu 31-Oct-13 08:32:35

I work in a library and witness all sorts of parenting methods. As somebody above has said along as it's not abusive it's okay. However I will confess to getting very tired of a particular style which I think of as 'overparenting'. (There is probably another name for it.'Public parenting') It just consists of talking very loudly and repeatedly to small children in a way that is encouraging/expecting them to be more 'reasonable' than their years. There is one mother of a child called something like 'Edith Rose' who is a particular bugbear of mine. 'Now Edith Rose, we don't do this do we?' 'Edith Rose, I have told you before.' Edith Rose, you are being a bit silly aren't yo?.' 'Edith Rose if you carry on doing this we will have to leave' 'Edith Rose, this is your last warning. Essentially the entire library (mother of Edith Rose has a very carrying voice) gets a running commentary on the bheaviour of parenting of Edith Rose.

I am sure that Edith Rose is an entirely normal - and pleasant - small child. But it is always a great relief when she leaves. Because of her mother.

hackmum Thu 31-Oct-13 08:39:48

Oh god. The etiquette rule followed by normal parents is that you each try and slightly favour the other person's child. So you were doing this by telling your DD she had to let the other boy play with the trains, even though she was playing with them first.

So the dad should have told his DS to stop whining and allow your DD to join in and play too. He could have said something like, "The little girl wants to play with the trains too. Why not let her have one of the trains? Or you could play a game together." Or he could have said to his DS, "Just five more minutes, then let the little girl have them."

Then you would have said something like, "That's very kind" or "No, no, it's fine" and it would have been a win-win social situation with the adults being nice to each other and the kids learning how to behave properly in social situations.

DoctorRobert Thu 31-Oct-13 08:42:54

think ywbu, sorry. you could have removed her from the situation altogether and gone to look at some books, what with it being a library and all.

Oh apple - my blood pressure rose just READING that.
My friend has a great response for that sort of PA comment - she says 'now come on ds - do stop being quite so autistic you're scaring that man'

MokuMoku Thu 31-Oct-13 08:49:34

I have to admit my 2 year old is not much of a sharer. Her favorite expression is 'It's mine'.

While I appreciate you were trying to parent in your own way, I can see how it would have been annoying for the dad as he probably just wanted to have a nice relaxing time with his son and it sounds like it all went on for too long.

I would have also tried distracting my daughter and if that didnt work taken her for a walk somewhere else.

kotinka Thu 31-Oct-13 08:55:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedHelenB Thu 31-Oct-13 08:56:01

I think you were a tad unreasonable because your dd was stopping the little boy from playing. But they are only 2 & both lots of behaviours are to be expected. BTW timeouts don't really work when they are so young as they have no concept of time.My ds would probably have been just like that so i would have said we'll go elsewhere for a while (choose a book)& come back to play when the little boy has finished.

oakmouse Thu 31-Oct-13 09:07:34

I think hackmum has hit the nail on the head! I am usually knackered by the time I get to the library after doing all our errands and have probably irritated the heck out of countless people by my sleep-deprived ineffectual parenting sad. I've never had anyone be horrible about it, thank goodness, as they would probably have had to deal with me breaking down and wailing all over them.

Parenting is difficult, he should have been nicer, only I have noticed in men stress tends to come out as snarkiness and grumpiness, maybe he was having a bad day?

Anyway my children now come into the library and sit down and read a book nicely until I have finished, so there is light at the end of the tunnel and I can be nice to other parents and children still in the thick of Toddler Library Hell!

Btw my autocorrect changes 'snarkiness' to 'snark insets', do you think he had had one of them? grin

GW297 Thu 31-Oct-13 09:14:40

I don't think libraries should have toys either. You might find the toy gets removed eventually if the librarians witness lots of altercations involving them. That seems to be what happened in ours.

I am sorry this man was rude to you. I will never understand why people speak to other people in a way they would never wish to be spoken to and make them feel bad and think its acceptable. Especially when he is bring a role model to his child - what an example!

ApplePippa Thu 31-Oct-13 09:41:51

Saintly, love it! Will remember that one!

treadheavily Thu 31-Oct-13 09:48:03

I think the dad sounds like an arse actually.

EmeraldJeanie Thu 31-Oct-13 14:56:50

Dad = arse to me too.
If I was parent of said boy I would be encouraging sharing [even if knew pigs might fly] and be apologising if the little darling didn't share.
3 is not a great age for considering others!
He was being unreasonable....

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now