Wibu? Was he? Or is it just to be expected?

(84 Posts)
EngineeringExcellence Tue 29-Oct-13 18:22:11

U took my 2 DSs and a friend each swimming today. They swam for 2+ hours and we lleft just after 5pm. Journey home is less than 10min.

As we left one of the friends asked "are we going to McDs or somewhere? No I said we're going home. "can we have something from the cafe then?" and then the vending machine.

WIBU not to offer food? It wasn't part of the invite and I was taking them to their own homes for tea. I know youre hungry when you get out of the pool but he only had 10mins to wait..


thebody Tue 29-Oct-13 18:25:02

well I would have got them a chocolate bar and a drink at some point but maybe not a maccis.

but then I would have taken it with me as it's cheaper.

funnyflowersky Tue 29-Oct-13 18:27:21

Isn't it some unwritten rule that you always get hot chocolate from the vending machine after swimming.. It is in this house. YWNBU to sweets & McD;s though.

monicalewinski Tue 29-Oct-13 18:29:06

You ALWAYS have some chocolate and a drink after swimming!

CaptainSweatPants Tue 29-Oct-13 18:29:12

He was probably thirsty!

EngineeringExcellence Tue 29-Oct-13 18:30:38

At some point? When? They were in the pool and then going home. We'd been llonger than expected so i was anxious to get them home. It wasn't about the money-i intended to give mine tea as soon as we got in and thought other mums might be doing the same- if not they could decide what/if they wanted their dc to eat.

ihatethecold Tue 29-Oct-13 18:33:01

I always take snacks for after swimming, my kids are starving.

TwoMuchTwoYoung Tue 29-Oct-13 18:33:10

They asked, you said no.
I wouldn't stress about it, they're probably used to having a drink or food.
No biggie

AlexaChelsea Tue 29-Oct-13 18:33:27

Tbh I would have got them all a drink and some candy, even if they were 10 minutes from home. 2+ hours of exercise and no drink?

Wellthen Tue 29-Oct-13 18:35:07

No, I dont think its ever expected that you will feed other people's children unless specifically stated or asked for. I also think the child was rude to assume you would be taking them for food and to keep asking when you'd said 'no we're going home'

Whether or not people usually get food after swimming is beside the point.

headoverheels Tue 29-Oct-13 18:36:08

I think you were right not to buy them a snack just before taking them home to tea.

WandaDoff Tue 29-Oct-13 18:38:30

Most people do give a snack & drink after swimming.

It's hot chocolate & some chips/toast from the cafe for mine.

I don't actually know why, but I always got taken for hot chocolate after swimming as a child & I've just carried it on.

I've been known to bring cartons/crisps with me instead if I'm skint.

Famzilla Tue 29-Oct-13 18:44:39

Another one here who always got a drink & snack after swimming. However it's kinda cheeky to ask for it, at 11 years old they should be well clued up on manners.

AlexaChelsea Tue 29-Oct-13 18:46:55

It's not about whether other people do it. If someone took my DS for 2+ hours of exercise. And didn't get him a drink, I'd be a bit annoyed.

lessonsintightropes Tue 29-Oct-13 18:49:10

Alexa if someone took your DS for 2 hours of exercise then you should be extremely bloody grateful, not irritated...

SpottedDickandCustard Tue 29-Oct-13 18:49:19

I think after exercising for 2 hours you should have given them a drink and a small snack. I'd be starving!

AlexaChelsea Tue 29-Oct-13 18:52:27

Being 'grateful' is applicable in context only. DS goes out with friends parents/aunts/uncles/friends of mine etc sometimes, I'm not necessarily 'grateful', they haven't done me a favour?

Anyway, either way, you don't take responsibility for someone's child for a whole afternoon, particularly not if they are engaging in over two hours of exercise, and then not offer them a drink at least.

EngineeringExcellence Tue 29-Oct-13 18:56:11

Alexa? Really? They had to wait 10mins and they had access to a water fountain all afternoon. I'd be prettyy annoyed you/he had been so entitledso it'ss just as well it wouldst happen more than once!

Anyway I genfinely l thought I was doing what the parents would want - not feeding them at tea time. I would be very embarrassed if i thougt one of mine had gone on like that.

AlexaChelsea Tue 29-Oct-13 18:57:28

I'm not suggesting the child wasn't cheeky, he was.

And I didn't realise there was a water fountain. If I didn't want to spend money, I'd take them all to the water fountain and make sure they all had a drink.

PrimalLass Tue 29-Oct-13 18:58:01

YANBU. We are also 10 mins from the swimming pool and I refuse to get into the vending machine habit.

HelloBoys Tue 29-Oct-13 19:06:15

when I take friends' kids swimming and don't drown them I get a hot chocolate or soft drink and snack.

we when kids sometimes had a drink and a Twix, sometimes not. but then again we lived 5-10 minute drive if that from the pool.

but I think refreshment would be a nice idea to offer.

HelloBoys Tue 29-Oct-13 19:06:38

oh, if your child had been taken out what would you prefer? for him to be given a drink etc or not?

Strumpetron Tue 29-Oct-13 19:09:02

I'd have took some snacks and a drink for them personally.

Fuck the Maccie's though the cheeky bugger, probably just pushing his luck.

Although when we were kids it was always swimming followed by maccie d's, just something we did.

kali110 Tue 29-Oct-13 19:17:30

Allways had small tray of chips after being taken swimming

WhoNickedMyName Tue 29-Oct-13 19:19:17

I'd have at least got them a drink and probably some crisps too. A packet of crisps after 2 hours of swimming was hardly going to spoil their appetite for their tea when they got home.

mrscog Tue 29-Oct-13 19:22:00

Given the DC in question are 11 Yo YANBU, had they been younger I might have thought differently, but a typical 11 YO should be able to cope with thirst/hunger for a few minutes!

fragola Tue 29-Oct-13 19:23:17

YANBU, it is no hardship to wait for food until you get home, just 10 minutes after swimming!

AnotherStatistic21 Tue 29-Oct-13 19:24:31

I think after two hours of swimming anyone would have been thirsty.
A little snack wouldn't of hurt.

newtonupontheheath Tue 29-Oct-13 19:31:04

I always take a drink (carton or normal cup w/ spout) and a snack. I did used to take crisps but now I take a banana and ds has that or nothing and "proper" food when he gets home.

I refuse to get into the vending machine habit just yet. I say I've got no money with me wink

Maybe the friend was used to long to mcdonalds after swimming as part of the treat with parents? We always used to go for chips afterwards. In saying that, I would have never asked somebody else's parents!!

Another one here who always had a hot chocolate after swimming. Weird.

parakeet Tue 29-Oct-13 19:46:02

There are some seriously misinformed posters on here, thinking an 11-year-old is going to get dehydrated simply because he has to wait 10 minutes for a drink after going swimming. Two hours of athletics on a baking hot day, maybe...

Anyway, he wasn't asking for a drink, he was asking for a MacDonalds. Your children will not expire if they go without food and drink for two hours and ten minutes! And yes, OP, I would hope my children would not be so cheeky as to give that performance too.

ForalltheSaints Tue 29-Oct-13 19:52:29

You did not take them to McDonalds. Good on you.

elah11 Tue 29-Oct-13 19:54:31

Wow I can't believe how many people would buy or bring drinks and snacks for children after swimming when they were only ten minutes away from home! It wouldn't even occur to me to buy stuff, I would just bring them home and if someone brought my child swimming I would never expect them to buy snacks after.

CoffeeTea103 Tue 29-Oct-13 19:58:46

I could never say no to a child who asked for food. How do you even do that.

cory Tue 29-Oct-13 20:05:10

But Coffee, they were on their way to have food. In 10 minutes.

Are you saying if you were heading home for a meal, you would feel obliged to stop at McDonald's instead because your 11yo was asking for food and you could never say no.

What do you expect his teacher to do if he asks for food in the middle of the maths lesson? Remind him that he has to wait 10 minutes or rush out to get him a burger?

puntasticusername Tue 29-Oct-13 20:11:09

YA all BVU. Everyone knows you have Monster Munch from the vending machine after swimming.

fragola Tue 29-Oct-13 20:15:09

Quite easily Coffee.

Mim78 Tue 29-Oct-13 20:19:54

It's up to you if you wanted to take them for anything afterwards or not. If there was a water fountain then it wasn't doing them any harm not to get them anything, especially as they were 10 mins from home. I would probably have brought something with me for afterwards and usually have water, but I wouldn't have thought it was a big deal for someone not to, or to have forgotten. I think you were right to get them home asap. And their parents might have been annoyed if you'd given them snacks right before tea.

The McDs was cheeky though! And the cafe.

If they were thirsty they could have asked you politely for a drink.

They definitely didn't have a right to expect you to buy them stuff - I don't think I'd have been asking someone else's parents for things like that when I was 11!

Liara Tue 29-Oct-13 20:21:11

Yanbu. At all. It would not cross my mind to offer food to an 11yo who is going to be home in 10 minutes.

And he was rude to ask too.

ChippingInNeedsANYFUCKER Tue 29-Oct-13 20:23:49

We always had a drink and a snack after swimming - when kids have been in the pool for 2 hours they're starving. You say money wasn't an issue, so why not buy them all a drink and some crisps or a chocolate bar. After 2 hours in the pool that's not going to touch the sides, let alone put them off their dinner.

I think you were a bit po-faced about it actually.

Without being there, it's a bit hard to know if he was rude - or 'just asking' because it's what his family does & he was starving.

BeCoolFucker Tue 29-Oct-13 20:26:47

Over 2 hours swimming? I think any child would be eating your arm off after a good swim like that. They would have been starving.

As it was just before dinner I'd have had a banana and drink ready for them minimum.

BeCoolFucker Tue 29-Oct-13 20:28:35

Do you really specify if you will be offering a snack or not when you invite another child out?

Jan49 Tue 29-Oct-13 20:29:03

If the arrangement was that they were going swimming and then going back to their own homes to eat, I wouldn't expect to offer them anything other than maybe a drink of water or other drink. It's good that they're starving after swimming if they're going home to eat straight after.

It seems to spoil the point of the exercise if your kids eat a load of junk food every time you go.

littlewhitebag Tue 29-Oct-13 20:31:22

After 2 hours swimming my kids at that age would be almost passing out with hunger. I always got mine a small snack and it never stopped them eating tea. What happened to the notion of a chittery bite (ie a snack after swimming when you were chittering with cold and hunger)?

WilsonFrickett Tue 29-Oct-13 20:35:25

Aw littlewhitebag you beat me to it, I was just about to say 'what about the chittery bite?'.

It sounds to me like the boy was hungry/or that his parent normally takes them to MacD's or the cafe after swimming. Or both. At 11 you don't always realise that just because your family does things one way it's not always the same everywhere else.

Alternatively, maybe his mum is a rubbish cook and he fancied something else? grin

ginmakesitallok Tue 29-Oct-13 20:36:35

Yabu. It is the law that after swimming children must be given a shivery bite.

WilsonFrickett Tue 29-Oct-13 20:36:54

My chittery was always flat coke (from the weird machine you never saw anywhere else other than council buildings, which sort of stirred the concentrate with the fizzy water to make a flat drink) and sausage and tomato golden wonder crisps... them were the days.

Notmadeofrib Tue 29-Oct-13 20:38:33

This is why so many people are fat. OP you are totally reasonable, eveyone is bloody snack and food obsessed!

Notmadeofrib Tue 29-Oct-13 20:39:21

... water though!

amicissimma Tue 29-Oct-13 20:40:00

Interesting thread.

Particularly in light of Britain's obesity epidemic.

kmc1111 Tue 29-Oct-13 20:41:17

Gosh. 11yr old's should be perfectly capable of taking themselves to the water fountain if they are thirsty, but even if for some reason they aren't, they aren't going to die of dehydration after a couple of hours of exercise (especially when they've all likely swallowed a litre of pool water). Do people really pack snacks or get anxious because the DC haven't eaten in a couple of hours when they're that age? My eldest DC foraged for themselves well before then, if they'd wanted a snack after swimming when we were going straight home for lunch or dinner they'd have grabbed something beforehand from home or they'd have used part of their allowance to get themselves junk from the vending machine.

RooRooTaToot Tue 29-Oct-13 20:42:38


They were going straight home to tea. I'd be more worried that their parents would be narked that they've had a chocolate bar/packet of crisps/plate of chips just before their more nutritious evening meal.

I agree with the Jan49 who said that it negates one of the benefits of exercise to eat junk straight afterwards.

VoiceofRaisin Tue 29-Oct-13 20:44:25

YWNBU Of course they could wait ten whole minutes for their tea! It was jolly kind of you to take them swimming. Sugary snacks are not exactly healthy food and they had access to water. If I was their DM, I would be a bit miffed if you HAD bought them sweets or a MacDonalds on their way home to tea tbh.

cory Tue 29-Oct-13 21:28:46

I can understand about chittery bites if you have been swimming in the North Sea and are shivering with cold on the windy beach and with a long walk back to your house. But in a heated swimming pool, followed by a hot shower? And a car to take you home to tea in 10 minutes?

It's like all these people thinking their dc need special energy drinks for a normal game of football in the park, just because that's what athletes have in the Olympics.

Mattissy Tue 29-Oct-13 21:29:03

Yanbu, they had access to the water fountain all afternoon and that's not including the amount of pool water they'd have swallowed. At 11 I was swimming at least 2 hours every day and by 12 I was swimming 4 hours a day, I'd have been enormous if I'd had a snack every time.

I thought we were supposed to be teaching our kids to "eat less, move more", not "move more so you can eat more!"

HelloBoys Tue 29-Oct-13 22:09:05

I think the kid was cheeky BUT also maybe that's what his relatives/mum and dad/other friends do, so he just sees it as normal.

I think he is very used to going to McDs/the cafe etc generally and especially after sport.

frogspoon Tue 29-Oct-13 22:32:03

To be fair, after 2+ hours of swimming, the child was probably quite hungry. However seeing as you were just 10 minutes from home, YANBU to not buy him food.

As others have said, most likely the child was used to normally being taken for something to eat after swimming, so was probably just a little surprised that your routine is different to theirs.

At 11 yo he should be old enough to know better, but maybe he is slightly lacking in social maturity, or his parents have brought him up that way.

homeagain Tue 29-Oct-13 22:36:01

YANBU and it was quite rude of the child to pester.

funkybuddah Wed 30-Oct-13 06:29:02

I always take a drink snack after swimming but imo there is an obsession with poor little darlings not ever feeling hungry due to constant stream of snacks no matter how healthy.

feeling hungry is not a bad thing so yanbu I have an 11 year old and while he would mither on, he would survive unscathed and not give it another thought.

Just to reiterate YANBU

NewtRipley Wed 30-Oct-13 06:35:17

Most people I know have a snack after swimming - I'm ravenous after swimming, and the DCs I know normally are too. It's a bit of a ritual and a bit of a treat. Probably for him too.

Bit cheeky for him to ask, but I don't think it's worth getting aerated about

NewtRipley Wed 30-Oct-13 06:41:18

"We always had a drink and a snack after swimming - when kids have been in the pool for 2 hours they're starving. You say money wasn't an issue, so why not buy them all a drink and some crisps or a chocolate bar. After 2 hours in the pool that's not going to touch the sides, let alone put them off their dinner.

I think you were a bit po-faced about it actually.

Without being there, it's a bit hard to know if he was rude - or 'just asking' because it's what his family does & he was starving.
Add message | Report | Message poster"

I agree with this Chipping

ballstoit Wed 30-Oct-13 06:52:44

IME of 11 year old boys, you could have taken him to McDs, then to Pizza Hut and for a carvery, and he'd still have eaten dinner grin

However, YWNBU to not feed him, and a drink might have been appreciated but wasn't essential. He WNBU to ask once, but should have accepted no the first time you said it.

bigkidsdidit Wed 30-Oct-13 06:53:14

They were 10 minutes from home! This is why the majority of children we fat. They won't expire if they have to wait 10 minutes and have a normal dinner rather than chips and hot chocolate.

NewtRipley Wed 30-Oct-13 06:56:47


Of course they won't expire! I'm not saying that. I don't think the child asked for nutritional reasons .. The child asked not many 11 year old, the OP answered NO (hopefully explaining why) No biggie.

NewtRipley Wed 30-Oct-13 06:58:24

Wow, my last post was nonsensical grin

The child asked because he thought it would be nice and probably it's a routine he is familiar with, the OP said No, for her own reasons.

I'm saying that the child's not unusual

bigkidsdidit Wed 30-Oct-13 08:16:46

I wasn't replying to you newt smile

fanjofarrow Wed 30-Oct-13 08:33:03

It wouldn't have occurred to me to be so damn cheeky at that age, and my mum would have had something to say if she'd heard about it! Mind you, that's probably because I was raised not to demand things from friends' parents when they took me out.

cory Wed 30-Oct-13 08:49:57

The child may have asked in all innocence, though I really do think 11 is rather old to be asking such a question without realising that it sounds like a request. This is something his parents should have taught him- and frankly at that age it's something he should be able to work out for himself.

The rude bit comes after he asked and the OP said no: it was the fact that he kept on pestering (but what about the cafe, the wending machine). An 11yo should know that while you may pester in your own family you just don't do it when you are out with somebody else.

Stealmysunshine Wed 30-Oct-13 08:54:34

If he had been playing at your house for 2 hours and asked for a drink, would you have made him one or told him to wait until he got home?

cory Wed 30-Oct-13 09:00:34

But Stealmysunshine, he did have access to a drink: there was a water fountain. It has been mentioned in several posts. He was not at any risk of dehydration.

What the OP might not have done if the boy had been playing at her house for 2 hours and was on his way home to tea would have been to have rushed him out to McDonald's on request. Which is a better analogy.

EngineeringExcellence Wed 30-Oct-13 12:25:23

No Steal but I might ask him to wait 5 min while i finished what i was doing (hanging out washing, cleaning bathroom etc) Anyway he wasn't asking for a drink. And I wouldn't feed him just before taking him home for his tea.

cory Wed 30-Oct-13 12:52:26

If he had been on a sports outing with his school in the morning which finished with a short trip back for school for lunch, his teachers would hardly have felt obliged to rush him out to McDonald's because he couldn't wait those 10 minutes. Nor would his school lunch have been served earlier just because he was hungry after doing exercise. If the event had been after lunch he would have been expected to contain his pangs of hunger until school finished and he got home.

Stop press news: secondary school children are regularly (=5 days a week) expected to cope for more than two hours at a stretch without refreshments. Every school day involves more than two hours on either side of lunch. Even on PE days. And after schol pupils have to make their way home before they can get fed. Every single day. If this was in any way dangerous or bad for them, I expect we would have noticed before now.

somewheresomehow Wed 30-Oct-13 15:19:33

imo just because a kid is hungry is doesn't mean they need to be fed there and then especially as you were only 10 mins from home, the kids were 11 so they were not going to keel over just because they were refused over priced drink and chocolate from the vending machine. He should learn a few manners.

noddingoff Wed 30-Oct-13 15:20:53

oh I feel myself coming over all pedantic and repeating what my mum used to say to me when I was little and said that I was starving. "You are not starving. Children in the Ethiopian famine are starving. You are merely hungry".
Not a bad idea to be immune to the pestering and help break the "done a bit of exercise, now stuff face with crap food" habit

diddl Wed 30-Oct-13 15:50:59


All this "instant gratification"

No wonder kids are so selfish/thoughtless!

soontobemumofthree Wed 30-Oct-13 16:04:08

I'd feel hungry after 2 hours swimming, he probably was hungry but that's good as he is going home to have his tea!! At 11 years he is a bit old to be asking that many times too, but maybe that is what they do in his house.

livingzuid Wed 30-Oct-13 18:42:18

Good for you. And I don't understand why after having exercised children for two hours or even after any exercise at all you'd stuff them full of McDonalds or crisps, chips and chocolate junk thereby negating the whole point of going for exercise in the first place. That is judgemental I know but I honestly can't connect the two.

Sparklysilversequins Wed 30-Oct-13 18:53:22

I'd have taken snacks and drinks or got them something. Anything else seems rather tight imo.

cory Wed 30-Oct-13 19:01:57

Why is tight not to assume that every outing has to involve a snack before you get home? It never used to be that way: people used to eat at mealtimes and drink water in between. And were a lot healthier for it.

soontobemumofthree Wed 30-Oct-13 19:07:41

I think it was generous to take swimming, and going swimming does not imply that you'd be getting him food/a meal afterwards.

If you had invited him for tea after swimming, he still wouldn't need a junk food snack, as he'd be having his tea at yours.

SaucyJack Wed 30-Oct-13 19:15:42

YANBU to not get sucked into the habit of consuming massive amounts of shite everytime you leave the house.

I would've taken a few cartons of drink for afterwards tho.

Retroformica Wed 30-Oct-13 20:27:03

Banana if you have to wait any longer then 30 mins to eat

trixymalixy Wed 30-Oct-13 20:36:26

We always had a snack after swimming when I was a child, I was always ravenous.

My 2 get to spend the locker money in the vending machine afterwards. DS is underweight partly due to a restricted diet and always manages to eat his lunch as well.

RiceBurner Wed 30-Oct-13 20:43:52

YWNBU. I think you were absolutely right to ignore/dismiss the child's requests for food/drink after swimming. (And I totally agee with what Notmadeofrib said!)

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