to hate this desciption of David Tennants family?

(109 Posts)
Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 22:31:14

I have noticed that it has happened to Dawn French and Lenny Henry too, but reading about DT earlier prompted me to post.

Reading an article about his new TV series and it said that he was a father of 2 with his wife and "adoptive father" of her eldest child. So......father of 3 then?

DF and LH have always been described as having an adopted child, rather than having a child. Why?

A family is a family regardless of how it comes about and emotionally and legally DT is that childs father, so why make the distinction? Who's business is it and really, who cares?

AIBU to think that the media should stop doing this as it fosters the belief that an adopted child is somehow different from a biological child. In this age of blended families, it seems especially ridiculous to make distinctions.

Reality Sun 27-Oct-13 22:32:53

YANBU. I notice this all the time in the papers and it grates.

Euphemia Sun 27-Oct-13 22:34:06

YANBU. It's pointless and stupid.

SirChenjin Sun 27-Oct-13 22:34:52

I'm not sure I understand - did they adopt together or is he her step-father? confused

YY to LH and DF's daughter being described as adopted - that distinction should not be made, ever.

Sparklingbrook Sun 27-Oct-13 22:34:53

I agree. YANBU. David Tennant has 3 children.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 27-Oct-13 22:35:36

I noticed in the recent Radio Times article about him (I was at my Nan's don't judge me!) he was described as being husband to Georgia Moffet and father to Olive 2 and Wilfred 5 months. Not mention of the older boy. It really annoyed me. His existence wasn't even acknowledged by the person who wrote the article.

KatyMac Sun 27-Oct-13 22:36:12

Unless the child's dad objects to it

The LH/DF situation is different & gets me cross

But DT's adopted child presumably (I don't know) has a dad out there and may want acknowledgement.....maybe step dad would be gentler

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 22:36:19

I'm not sure I understand - did they adopt together or is he her step-father?

Neither.

He adopted her eldest child that she already had when they got together so he is the childs father, in law.

Sparklingbrook Sun 27-Oct-13 22:36:27

He is the boy's stepfather who is now his father having adopted him.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 27-Oct-13 22:36:46

Ooops - so Yanbu.

The distinction should never be raised but to not acknowledge at all? That's even worse.

Darkesteyes Sun 27-Oct-13 22:38:18

Thats bloody awful.. He IS a father of three.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 22:38:38

Unless the child's dad objects to it

I have been through this personally so I know how it works. If the birth father objects then it goes to court and unless he is proven to be abusive or violent it is extremely unlikely that the adoption would be approved. Generally speaking, if a father is and wants to be involved with his childs life then a step father will not be allowed to adopt, which is why I was surprised to read that DT had adopted the child. The father must have given his consent, or couldnt not be traced by any means (which again, has to be proved in court).

KatyMac Sun 27-Oct-13 22:39:13

Oh so the child's dad must have given up his rights - so it is unfair it's described that way - sorry

KatyMac Sun 27-Oct-13 22:39:44

Sorry cross posted

Sparklingbrook Sun 27-Oct-13 22:40:16

Any interview with Lisa Faulkner-it is always mentioned too.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 22:40:43

I should add that my social worker told me that even if a father is violent or abusive but still wants a relationship with the child then it is very unlikely that the adoption would be approved. The father in this case must have given consent.

DT is a father of 3. Why make the distinction and as for the article that didnt mention his eldest at all, I am disgusted.

SirChenjin Sun 27-Oct-13 22:40:46

Ah, I see - definitely not right that he is not named as a father of 3

fanjofarrow Sun 27-Oct-13 22:41:35

YANBU.

sapfu Sun 27-Oct-13 22:43:21

This pisses me off too.

It's very VERY important to the DM, especially, if some one is/has adopted. Fark knows why, but they seem to think it's vital information that will change our opinion of the entire news story.

wtf

MaryZombie Sun 27-Oct-13 22:45:08

I hate the term "adoptive mother" or "adoptive father".

If the adoption is final and legal, then "mother" or "father" is legally, morally and every other way correct.

I'm a mother to three children - two were adopted, one wasn't. But I'm their mum, all of them.

The one that really gets me, though is "adopted brother/sister". I refuse to fill in any forms that says that. Because I adopted them. Their siblings didn't angry

MaryZombie Sun 27-Oct-13 22:46:11

x-posted.

If the adoption is final, the birth father isn't relevant. Whether he has given consent is irrelevant.

If the adoption is final, then the father is the father. Full stop.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 27-Oct-13 22:46:42

But readers love detail, don't they? There's a lot of non essential detail in any journalism, especially about age, appearance, etc. Cut out the detail and a lot of journalism would be basic and dull.

I'm not saying in this particular case it is right, just that it's not surprising.

MaryZombie Sun 27-Oct-13 22:47:53

DT IS NOT HIS STEPFATHER.

Legally, morally, every way, he is his father.

If the child also has a "birth" father, he must have either given up his rights or not known about it. Either way, he is NOT HIS FATHER at the moment.

MaryZombie Sun 27-Oct-13 22:48:23

Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman's children are always referred to as "adopted".

It drives me crazy.

YANBU - I find it strange when articles list out Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's children with an explanation of how they happen to have their children.

LostInWales Sun 27-Oct-13 22:51:12

YANBU bogey and thanks for bringing it up. I hate that sort of journalism, my parents are my parents and I am their daughter, using 'adopted daughter' makes it seem like there is a second tier of child which I most certainly am not. Grrrrrr.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 22:54:04

Caprice has said that she wont name which of her children was her surrogate born (but bio hers and her DH's) and which she carried herself. I am not sure it will work because it was so well documented but I can see why she would want to try to stop that difference being made between them.

Re Tom Cruise, yes that pissed me off too. He is also a father of three, not a father of one with a couple of adopted children too! Its as if the adopted child somehow doesnt count!

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 22:54:48

using 'adopted daughter' makes it seem like there is a second tier of child

Yes, you put it far more eloquently than me!

LostInWales Sun 27-Oct-13 23:02:36

Thanks blush grin. I just like seeing threads like this, takes the piss out of the whole point of adoption IMHO when the papers so that. My mum does take the piss out of me though for giving birth, she says it was much easier to get one over the phone wink. <disclaimer it took them 4 years to get me so not so easy but I appreciate the sentiment>

lilibet Sun 27-Oct-13 23:03:45

If I ever needed a reason to love Hugh Jackman more it was when he gave an interview about how he hated his children being prefixed with 'adopted'. As an adopted child myself (child?? I'm 50!) it was so good to hear out in the public - I just wish the bloody DM would pay attention to it

Oh Hugh ...

shrieklesoda Sun 27-Oct-13 23:09:16

I remember as a child being told by another relative that my cousin wasn't really my cousin, and I shouldn't refer to her as such, or include her in my family tree (I was working on a school project which included a family tree) and it's only as an adult that I have realised just what an awful thing that was to say, but I accepted it as a child because I thought that was just how things were.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 23:09:23

grin I heart your mum Lost We are a very piss taking family, so I can imagine my mum doing that too!

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 23:10:29

I didnt know that about HJ! And as you say, as if we didnt need more reasons to love him,.......

MaryZombie Sun 27-Oct-13 23:11:42

Yes, shriek.

My sil called my children "not (her father's) real grandchildren".

I was fucking furious a bit cross.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 23:11:49

Oh soda that is awful sad

That, to me, is exactly the sort of attitude this journalism promotes. I hope that you and your cousin are close despite your horrible relative.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 23:13:32

Mary I hope you replied with "But you are a real bitch"

I wonder if she realises just what that says about her? Probably not sadly sad

sapfu Sun 27-Oct-13 23:14:23

I think it's because there's a certain sort of journalist/editor who is from the dark ages, and can't tell the difference between adoption and childminding.

And yy about detail, but if a story's so dull that you have to whack in shoe sizes and mother's maiden names, maybe it's not actually a story?

Lazy journalism is at the heart of it, I suppose.

MaryZombie Sun 27-Oct-13 23:14:46

I don't think she realises at all. I don't think she even meant to be a bitch, though obviously she is.

She is a bit thick though. And my children know it grin

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones Sun 27-Oct-13 23:18:22

Yanbu OP.

DontPanicMrMannering Sun 27-Oct-13 23:18:26

I've never seen this but how horrible!

hettienne Sun 27-Oct-13 23:19:50

Daily Mail always needs to know whether you were adopted and how much your house was worth.

shrieklesoda Sun 27-Oct-13 23:24:27

bogey I've only met my cousin once as she lives on the other side of the world. But I do consider her my cousin all the same, In fact, considering her my cousin is a stupid thing for me to say because clearly she is my cousin, that's what adoption is.

I do wonder if it would be any different if they were part of our lives on a daily basis? Maybe it would have been more real to everyone then? Ah, I don't know, I just know it's an awful thing to say.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 23:27:26

She is a bit thick though. And my children know it grin

I think we can consider that a win!

DoJo Sun 27-Oct-13 23:27:59

I think it is sometimes used as a shorthand to explain how a child can be older than the parents' relationship in the case of a parent adopting their partner's children, which I can understand as it can be easier to explain up front than have to answer the questions which might otherwise ensue.

CanucksoontobeinLondon Sun 27-Oct-13 23:28:02

As if I needed any more reasons to have a crush on Hugh Jackman...

In all seriousness, though, OP, you are not being unreasonable, the stupid media is. An adoptive parent is a parent, end of story.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 23:28:12

soda I dont think it matter if she is in your lives everyday or not, as you say, she is your cousin, end of.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 23:30:36

DoJo You might have a point if it werent for (for example) Dawn French and Lenny Heny or Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman who both adopted babies after being together for several years, but who are still mentioned as "adoptive parents".

MaryZombie Sun 27-Oct-13 23:35:33

Yes it is shorthand. Otherwise known as lazy journalism.

But it is still wrong.

Dawn French/Lennie Henry being referred to as adoptive parents is wonger than a wrong thing in wrongsville.

They are the children's parents. Full Fucking Stop.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 27-Oct-13 23:35:47

My dad is my adoptive father, and I would be not be impressed if anyone, knowing that, referred to him as my step dad hmm. I have one of them too in fact - not the same.

The only time it might be relevant information for someone to know is on medical notes
parents are parents, they are the people who do the parenting

I didn't realise he had two little ones. I remember them announcing olive but hadn't realised they had had a third since.

Kemmo Sun 27-Oct-13 23:44:10

I agree with TheWomen

There are only two children in total. The description is accurate, although unnecessary perhaps to even mention the adoption.

OutragedFromLeeds Sun 27-Oct-13 23:46:59

This gives me the rage. There's been lots about 'Sandra Bullock and her adopted son Louis' recently. He's just her son fgs.

I read an interview with Dawn French once where she said she couldn't understand why Jennifer Saunders daughters were never called her 'vaginally born daughters' grin.

Kemmo Sun 27-Oct-13 23:49:32

Ignore me. I'm wrong smile

Sorry.

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 23:50:30

Kemmo

I am confused. DT's family has three children, all of whom are legally his and his wife's, how is saying there are only two accurate?

Bogeyface Sun 27-Oct-13 23:50:45

Xpost

I was confused then too.
Being agreed with but it wasn't what I actually said.

Lighthousekeeping Mon 28-Oct-13 00:09:39
IneedAsockamnesty Mon 28-Oct-13 00:10:42

It winds me up as well.

When I was little I got a step parent adoption as did my brothers and sisters,from that moment on my stepdad ceased to be my stepdad and became my dad.

From that moment on my brothers and sisters became my brothers and sisters as opposed to half siblings.

Yet people still insist on referring to them as halfs. Even my dads new wife once asked me if I saw much of my real dad and when i last saw him,she was surprised when I said " well he's just gone to the shed" she didnt get that the adoption made him my real dad.

Devora Mon 28-Oct-13 00:15:19

nice to see this thread. As a mother with both a birth child and an adopted child, this gives me the rage big-style.

TheDoctrineOfAnyFucker Mon 28-Oct-13 00:36:14

YANBU

Tigerbomb Mon 28-Oct-13 01:03:04

I must admit I have never thought of it that way.

I have a half brother (same mom) - My step father adopted us both - I still refer to him as my step father and my brother as my half brother probably because I don't class us as full blood relations

You have given me food for thought

YANBU. My Mum and her sister was adopted by my Grandad (originally step-father), my grandparents also have adopted a little girl. They are all my grandparents daughters, not 'adopted' daughters.

lljkk Mon 28-Oct-13 08:49:45

If there's no shame in it then why not talk about the circumstances of how the family came to be formed? I feel like OP is saying the only reason journalists would make the distinction is because they assume people would want only so that they can find a reason to form prejudice. If you don't have that prejudice, then it's just a colourful detail in personal history. Nothing else.

By insisting that it shouldn't be talked about, that means you're buying into a bias that there's something shameful to be glossed over. So I'm in YABU camp.

My brothers were adopted by my dad in 1965, btw, with their bio-dad's blessing.

noblegiraffe Mon 28-Oct-13 09:07:21

I understand why people object to children being described as adopted when it's not a part of the story, e.g. 'Here's a pic of Sandra Bullock out with her adopted son' instead of just son, but if they are doing an article about David Tennant and describing his family, would you object to them even mentioning that the eldest was adopted by him? Or that Lenny Henry and Dawn French adopted their children?

Blissx Mon 28-Oct-13 09:11:54

I 100% agree that it is annoying to read these labels in the paper. I have a brother and a sister and we are all adopted. Genetically speaking, my brother and I have the same birth mother, though. It infuriates me when people assume that he is therefore, more of a brother to me than my sister is. On example; his ex wife on their wedding day took me to one side and said she was especially excited to get to know me more as I was his real sister hmm. Needless to say, I wanted to punch her. Therefore, I hate any inference that somehow, being adoptive has a connotation to some people as not being 'real'.

YANBU OP but I am shock as I always assumed DT was gay. So IWBU!!

Trills Mon 28-Oct-13 09:21:18

Given the level of interest David Tennant's private life gets, I imagine it was mentioned so that people didn't look at the age of the children and say but wasn't he dating so-and-so when the eldest was born?

sashh Mon 28-Oct-13 09:24:34

I mostly agree. I certainly agree with LH and DF being parents but I do think it's a bit different with an older child.

Surely it would be confusing to ignore the adoption and give the ages of the three children because one could be 10 years older than the parents' relationship.

BTW how cool would it be to have a Dr Who as both your dad and grandad?

specialsubject Mon 28-Oct-13 09:24:35

real sleb trivia - but the only reason I can think of is that the oldest boy was born when Tennant's wife was 16 or 17. He is about 15 years older than she is so in these post-Savile times, perhaps the journos wish to make clear that he isn't the biological father as that would not look good.

no, he isn't gay. He cut a swathe through female Doctor Who cast and crew before stopping at Georgia who was also a guest star on the show.

good luck to them all. Never read a bad word about him.

Heartbrokenmum73 Mon 28-Oct-13 10:34:19

I was annoyed at the RT interview too. I immediately noticed that the oldest child wasn't even mentioned! I actually wondered what had happened to the boy.

And it's quite insulting to Georgia Moffett to only have the two kids she's had with DT mentioned in the article, as if the son she had with someone else isn't important because he's not 'really' DT's son.

I hope one, or both, of them complains about that interview.

Lighthousekeeping Mon 28-Oct-13 12:34:59

Given the age of some of the celebs that suddenly appear with children I think it's safe to assume they were adopted or from a surrogate. Robert de Niros wife was well into her fifties when their daughter came into their lives. It's not something we need to know. I don't see what difference it makes. However if you watch American chat shows as much as I do you will see that the celebs are the first to mention adoption. Not even the interviewer. If you Google Hugh Jackson he is very vocal about it.

Lighthousekeeping Mon 28-Oct-13 12:35:15

Jackman!

Lighthousekeeping Mon 28-Oct-13 12:35:53

whom I always assumed was gay blush

Devora Mon 28-Oct-13 22:25:46

noblegiraffe, lijkk, I don't think anybody was complaining about adoption being discussed per se (so long as it's done in a way that's respectful to the feelings of the child). I am certainly very open about the fact that I am adopted and always happy to discuss adoption (though not the personal circumstances of my child). We are talking about when 'adopted' is used as a qualifier, not in the context of any discussion of adoption, but as a separate category of child.

I've seen it used in articles on Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, when both were described (separately, obviously) as having had their 'first child', then the article has gone on to say they also have adopted children. I've seen features on Brangelina which major on their biological children, then go on to list their adopted children separately.

Anyway, it's not about my feelings, it's about my child's, and I can't believe for one second she would be happy to hear people say to me, "oh, is this your daughter? And is this other one your adopted daughter?"

Bogeyface Mon 28-Oct-13 22:29:11

We are talking about when 'adopted' is used as a qualifier, not in the context of any discussion of adoption, but as a separate category of child

This. Thank you Devora

ShowMeYourTARDIS Mon 28-Oct-13 22:40:06

To clarify, David Tennant & Georgia Moffett have 3 children. Tyler (b 2002), is not DT's biologically. I remember GM saying his bio father was never involved. They also have Olive (b 2011) and Wilfred (b 2013).

YANBU, OP. They have 3 kids. Tyler is DT's son.

Lilka Mon 28-Oct-13 23:31:14

YANBU in the slightest OP. Really annoys me. If adoption is not relevent to the story, it doesn't need mentionning, and leaving out DT's oldest son and pretending he only has 2, is just inescusable

I am certainly very open about the fact that I am adopted

Are/were you adopted Devora ? I'll admit to being surprised, I did not realise that. No reason why I should know obviously, but I can't remember you ever mentionning it. (Or did you mistype that you adopted your DD?)

hettienne Mon 28-Oct-13 23:49:56

Yep, difference between an article/interview actually about adoption and "here is a picture of Dawn French going to dinner with her adoptive daughter" or "Angelina Jolie out with her twins and oldest adoptive son".

APartridgeAmongThePigeons Tue 29-Oct-13 00:25:11

Yanbu, unless we are going to start explaining the circumstances of every child.

Elle McPherson and her vaginally born daughter.

Billy Bob Thornton and his cesarean born son of an ill advised night out on Jaegermeister

Jenna and her "oh no its not the menopause twins"

Brad and Angelinas band aid baby girl.

Lighthousekeeping Tue 29-Oct-13 01:24:53

Who's Jenna?

sheldor Tue 29-Oct-13 07:22:39

Yanbu My cousin was 'adopted' by my uncle,he was his gfs son at the time.I always thought of him as my cousin not a step.My Grandad adopted my uncle also,my grandad was with my nan during her pregnancy and theres no step or adoptive about it.My uncle was and will always be his son

sandyballs Tue 29-Oct-13 07:35:13

MIL is very fond of pointing out to my DDs that their 'real' cousins live in NZ, as if my brothers kids don't count. angry.

Devora Tue 29-Oct-13 21:49:55

Lilka - whoops, that is definitely a typo - you would know by now if I were adopted! (Though that was the plan for my brother, 18 months older than me, born in an unmarried mothers home.)

PresidentServalan Tue 29-Oct-13 22:43:09

Have to reiterate a previous poster's point - DAVID TENNANT IS NOT THE BOY'S STEPFATHER - he adopted him. I was in the same position when I was a kid - my mother's new husband adopted me. He is my FATHER! (Sorry but feel v strongly about this)

Bogeyface Tue 29-Oct-13 22:53:06

BTW how cool would it be to have a Dr Who as both your dad and grandad?

Just noticed this and technically they are Doctor Who³ because their dad and grandad were both Doctors and so is their mum because she was created from the Doctors DNA (in the episode where their mum and dad met)!

Lilka Tue 29-Oct-13 23:06:25

Devora - haha! I was sitting there a bit bemused wondering how in 3 years of adoption conversations, that had slipped me by grin

I knew a girl who had to give her baby for adoption, she lived near me, I must have been about 8 at the time. I remember her being pregnant, my parents talking and her going away and coming back un-pregnant and baby-less, which really confused me. I still remember her and feel so sad for her. This was the early 70's, you know the years the papers always mention when talking the latest adoption statistics, as if the number of adoptions in 1972 has any relevence whatsoever to the number of adoptions today

manicinsomniac Tue 29-Oct-13 23:46:04

YANBU

But I assume it's something to do with the media wanting to encourage 'sleb' worship - 'oh look at wonderful X, he/she adopted aren't they great role models, bow, scrape, grovel.'

Bogeyface Wed 30-Oct-13 00:04:37

Manic I know what you are saying but as several PPs have said, its like the adopted child is an afterthought so not so much that he is being lauded for doing it, but "oh yeah, he adopted some kid too" like the adopted child is a second class child compared to his biological children.

In the RT the eldest wasnt mentioned at all!

GreenVelvet Wed 30-Oct-13 00:43:36

It creates a different family dynamic, thats all.

GreenVelvet Wed 30-Oct-13 00:44:25

It creates a different family dynamic, thats all.

GreenVelvet Wed 30-Oct-13 00:46:15

And genes are strong influence. Why deny it?

Devora Wed 30-Oct-13 07:10:08

Green Velvet, what does knowing someone is adopted tell you about their family dynamics? And, er, genes are a strong influence on what? You clearly think that knowing someone is adopted tells you other things about them; can you explain what?

PresidentServalan Wed 30-Oct-13 08:31:11

And actually DT IS amazing for adopting Tyler. It's not slebs worship, just that it is a wonderful thing for someone to do.

fromparistoberlin Wed 30-Oct-13 09:46:34

maybe eldest child has a father already???? not sure why this grates on this instance

but agree ref Kidman/Jolie Pitt-

ThePitOfStupid Wed 30-Oct-13 09:49:33

If the eldest child's biological father was against the adoption, it would not have happened.

MrPricklepants Wed 30-Oct-13 09:51:52

They do this with Nicole Kidman. Mother of 4. Adopted 2 and 1 born by surrogate. They do it everytime.

If the eldest child is adopted by David Tennant then he is the father, simple as.

Very annoying.

Lighthousekeeping Wed 30-Oct-13 10:03:52

People like Nicole Kidman make a show of it though. They are that big and interesting that they think the world wants to know. Even when the child was born through a surrogate Nicole was on twitter straight away. So who is to blame if the press mention it?

David Tennant is more under the radar and protects his privacy so I agree that it's no-ones business.

Thurlow Wed 30-Oct-13 10:05:17

That's awful. I hadn't realised that was how they were referring to the oldest child sad If the eldest is adopted, he's the child's father.

I get similarly annoyed when papers go out of their way to refer to civil partners as 'same-sex civil partner' or 'gay partner' etc. At the moment you can only be a civil partner if you are the same sex. There's no need to go into any more bloody detail!

Thurlow Wed 30-Oct-13 10:07:42

On a similar note, I know I should read the Daily Fail but I did - I've never liked Caprice but fair play to her, two sons just a month apart as one was with a surrogate. She's managing to breastfeed both. Quite impressive. But I bet those boys spend their whole life being described in terms of the surrogacy, even though they are both biologically Caprice and her husband's sons.

MaryZombie Wed 30-Oct-13 10:20:41

It's comments like GreenVelvet's that really piss me off.

<wonders if she is my sil>

Devora Wed 30-Oct-13 14:04:19

Green Velvet, I'm sure you are not adopted or an adopter or you would realise the implications of your post. It is of course true that adopted children affect family dynamics and that genes count. But that's true of everybody, isn't it? Your post only makes sense as an explanation of this kind of journalism if we believe that the way adopted children affect family dynamics and the kind of genes these children bring are understood by us all.

In other words, you are saying that adopted children are trouble. Which chimes perfectly with what an awful lot of people say, often to our faces and in front of our kids.

So you'll find some of us a little sensitive on the issue. This is my child. She is not a bolt-on, a dynamic or a ticking time bomb. She does?how ever, have a lot to deal with in terms of being seen as 'different' by the outside world and constant little reminders that she is not considered fully valid or valued are fantastically unhelpful.

usuallyright Wed 30-Oct-13 14:29:32

I hate this distinction.
Adopted children are the same as bio children; they're your children, end of. No need for separate distinction.
I also hate the term 'half brother/sister' because you share the same mother but different father, or other way around. They're your sister or your brother, not a half brother/sister.

insomniagirl Mon 07-Jul-14 04:20:08

Name changing from real name because I work in TV and don't want to get in trouble.

In principle I agree it's loathsome to single out adopted children. But I wonder if the press are making a point. Like how so many articles about Hugh Bonneville make really pointed comments about what a devoted family man he is, wink wink nudge nudge. Some celebs have adopted kids and the press don't bring it up all the time. Both Tom and Nicole and Dawn and Lenny's relationships were known to the tabloids to be troubled and that Tom Cruise was a weirdo Cultist years before they split. In David Tennant's case, great actor but weird personal life. I don't get the obsessively private stuff. I mean she's posting pics of him in his undies on her FB while he's making her walk ten paces behind him so they aren't photographed together and walking out on interviewers just for mentioning her name!

They only started living together a couple of months before she gave birth, and there was a video on YouTube at one point of David unaware he was being filmed talking about how shocked he was when she told him she was pregnant. I'm not judging, lots of happy marriage including my own started from an accidental pregnancy. They conceived another child shortly after they married so it must have worked for them some at least. But there are lots of rumours, maybe tabloid BS, but a lot of talk about them having split up or their marriage being more of an arrangement than a real marriage. The Canadian press published photos of him (he moved to Canada for 6 months to film some TV show, his wife and kids stayed in the UK) labelled David Tennant and his girlfriend Sarah. Innocent photos but there have been rumours about him dating a woman named Sarah since last year.

David legally adopted his wife's son, but Georgia's ex-partner Adam who's also a TV actor (not the son's biological father, but the man who raised him from infancy) has joint physical custody. Georgia's said in loads of interviews they all consider Adam to be the boy's real dad and that he's the man he calls dad. So David might be his legal father, but emotionally and in practical terms he might not be. Or he might consider them both his dads jointly. Adoption and blended families can be really complex and we don't have adequate language for it yet. Personally I think it's great he adopted the boy. But it's pretty shitty that she had to go through most of her pregnancy with their daughter alone and then he buggered off to another country for half a year with a tiny baby at home. Georgia deserves a bloody medal for it.

insomniagirl Mon 07-Jul-14 04:22:43

Oh shit! Sorry I thought this thread was on page 2. Not sure how I did that. Blame the sodding don't work but make me a zombie (irony!) anyway bloody sleeping pills for that.

Name changing now.

JPenny Thu 10-Jul-14 00:54:56

Message deleted by MNHQ at the OP's request.

Expatmomma Thu 10-Jul-14 05:52:26

Speaking as an adult who was adopted at the age of 6 weeks... The use of the word is hurtful to a child.

In the 70s parents who had adopted were told by the adoption agencies to introduce their child as their "adoptive child".

Everytime I heard that as a young child I felt like a 2nd class citizen and that I had been kicked in the stomach.

It would make me feel I was not as worthy or important as non adopted children.

So yes I totally agree that you are not being unreasonable.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Thu 10-Jul-14 07:35:26

What is joint physical custody? It's not a thing in this country. There is shared care, or regular contact with a NRP. IF THE CHILD CONTINUES TO HAVE CONTACT WITH HIS STEPDAD oops caps that's a good thing but doesn't negate DT being his dad. Remember the whole family will have been assessed prior to the adoption order and if the child already had a dad figure who the whole family considered the dad the adoption wouldn't have been approved as that would be too weird and confusing for the child.

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

small Canadian town? It's a city and the capital of the Province, don't you know? We loved having DT here BTW. We all stalked him but to no avail.

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