to think you should over food and drink at a kids party?

(78 Posts)
Daddypigsgusset Sun 27-Oct-13 22:21:52

I took ds to his friends party tonight. It was in a labour club thing. No party food provided and no drinks, not even for the kids. Had to buy from the bar and some parents had brought no money. Aibu to think that a few sandwiches and a carton of juice are a given at kids party? Twas very strange :-S

frogspoon Sun 27-Oct-13 22:24:53

That is odd. What time was the party?

Depending on timing you might expect more/ less food to be on offer, but you would always expect at least a drink and a snack I would think. Even if it was just squash and some crisps, would be better than nothing.

CoffeeTea103 Sun 27-Oct-13 22:26:56

Yanbu, they should have had something for the kids at least.

bundaberg Sun 27-Oct-13 22:27:49

how weird. what time was it?

CaptainSweatPants Sun 27-Oct-13 22:29:31

What was the actual party then?
A disco?
Bouncy castle?

Daddypigsgusset Sun 27-Oct-13 22:29:37

It was 4- 5:30.
Regardless of time I would've thought that a tray of sandwiches, a bowl of crisp and a few cartons were the minimum.
Some kids were gong to parents asking them for a drink and they were without money and very embarrassed. it was so awkward!

moldingsunbeams Sun 27-Oct-13 22:35:16

What time was the party?

I have been to a party with no food but only because it was in an evening and after tea time.

Daddypigsgusset Sun 27-Oct-13 22:36:30

It was a disco with a dj. All the more weird! Lots of dancing and jumping around, Hot and sweaty kids all over. No party bags either. Lovely little girl and hope she had a great day but can't help selfishly feeling short changed for the three hours out of my life plus present and then having to pay for a drink for my ds. That makes me awful and sends me straight to hell eeek

Caitlin17 Sun 27-Oct-13 22:36:40

Very odd. What did the party consist of? Were there lots of things to do?

lookingfoxy Sun 27-Oct-13 22:37:38

Never been to a kids party without food and drink, even just squash and sandwiches for the kids would have done.

moldingsunbeams Sun 27-Oct-13 22:38:02

Sorry xpost yanbu I would expect food at that time for children as most smaller kids will have dinner around that time.

foreverondiet Sun 27-Oct-13 22:38:59

Odd. How old is your DS?

As a minimum bottles of water and disposable cups (or cartons juice), biscuits or cake and crisps or chocolate.

I'd expect some kind of snack and drink for the children. Personally I'd probably also provide a snack and a drink for parents - but that bit isn't essential.

CaptainSweatPants Sun 27-Oct-13 22:41:16

How is 4pm - 5.30pm 3 hours of your life?!!!
I guess the parents were skint sad

CaptainSweatPants Sun 27-Oct-13 22:42:04

Maybe when they booked it they thought the venue would provide squash

Retroformica Sun 27-Oct-13 22:42:50

Free water from bar!

Agree it's weird though

dovaffanculo Sun 27-Oct-13 22:46:10

If this was the childs first party then I would maybe assume the parents had no idea that refreshments would be required.But then again that means that neither of them had ever been to a party either...

Most peculiar .

Nowt so queer as folk grin

Daddypigsgusset Sun 27-Oct-13 22:47:12

4-6.30 sorry blush
Long time for 7/8 year old to bounce around with no food Or drink
Just felt a bit early to feed him before we went and he was chewing his own arm off by the time we got back.
I just kept wondering whether they had a buffet in the boot and forgot to bring it in

SeaSickSal Sun 27-Oct-13 22:48:27

I suspect that what may have happened is the parents had intended to bring food but been told by the venue that they are not allowed and only food and drink purchased there can be consumed.

It would be really hard to buy something for every kid at bar prices. If they had the bar open it sounds like this might be the case.

WorraLiberty Sun 27-Oct-13 22:49:20

That's very weird

They should have provided drinks and a few nibbles at the very least.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sun 27-Oct-13 22:50:04


what a crappy way to treat guests

We've done kids parties on a shoestring budget but there's no excuse for not providing some cheap nibbles and squash or even water. Kids always get so hot and thirsty at parties

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 27-Oct-13 22:58:33

I never expect food when taking DC to a party.

A birthday cake and drinks I do, but not food.

ZZZenagain Sun 27-Oct-13 23:00:08

never been to a child's birthday party where there was no food and drink offered.

Daddypigsgusset Sun 27-Oct-13 23:03:52

There was a very fancy, and I assume costly, cake and we sung happy birthday etc. but they took it home intact so none was given out. I had forgotten about that!

ZenNudist Sun 27-Oct-13 23:05:14

Yanbu that is tea time. If there was no food they should have warned the parents. But I don't know much about the feeding & watering of dc over 3yo.

ZZZenagain Sun 27-Oct-13 23:06:46

showing the cake and not serving it is is unusual IMO

Daddypigsgusset Sun 27-Oct-13 23:16:51

Dc still need feeding and watering once they hit 3 ime! wink
I feel awful gossiping but better now I know it's not me with stupidly high expectations.
Funnily enough, we went to 2 all day weddings last year and neither provided food nor drink but this felt worse as it was kids. None went thirsty I might add as those with money made sure everyone had a drink

usualsuspect Sun 27-Oct-13 23:19:21

Of course there should have been food and drink.

Even if it was just crisps and cake.

Very odd.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 27-Oct-13 23:24:34

Birthday cake is a must at a party.

Caitlin17 Sun 27-Oct-13 23:34:44

They showed but didn't share the cake? That is very odd.

I hope the birthday girl enjoyed her birthday but if her parents repeat this as she gets older it's going to seem odder and odder and the guests themselves will notice too.

CanucksoontobeinLondon Sun 27-Oct-13 23:42:42

They didn't cut the cake? What the heck? Who does that?

SenoritaViva Sun 27-Oct-13 23:54:34

The cake bit is actually hilarious!

Daddypigsgusset Mon 28-Oct-13 00:05:32

I feel really bad for the birthday girl. We haven't been to her previous parties but I did notice there was fewer kids from the class there than usual at other parties. I wonder if they always party like this, now some don't go and the poor kid will have even less friends there next year

lollilou Mon 28-Oct-13 08:00:39

Kids party = snacks,soft drinks,music/games and cake. Anything else is not a party.

Tabliope Mon 28-Oct-13 08:06:11

I went to a friend's DD twins party once and she didn't provide food apart from putting tubs of Haribo on the table. When I asked her if there was anything else she said it would be wasted on her DDs as they don't eat much so she wasn't bothering. I was shocked. You don't just think of your kids, you're hosting an event so you think of others, surely? Every party I've done I've over catered. It's not an event that happens that much so I tend to go all out. Doesn't have to be too expensive.

ILoveAFullFridge Mon 28-Oct-13 08:20:37

How can you have a party without eats? shock

Part of having fun is eating and drinking together, it's community, it's fundamental.

I would not dream of hosting people without giving them something to eat or drink.

Strumpetron Mon 28-Oct-13 08:23:22

Wow that's just shocking.

I went to my cousins daughters party this weekend. There was good for the children, and they'd also done food for the adults too, all sorts of stuff plus a pie with all the trimmings, veg potatoes etc.

givemeaclue Mon 28-Oct-13 08:25:42

Food and drink should be provided

MammaTJ Mon 28-Oct-13 08:35:27

Make sure your DC goes next year and takes a lunch box. Include cake!!


I'm so naive I assumed from the thread title the op meant for the adults!
Yanbu that's really odd and the cake is even odder. So after all that time thru just showed the kids some food. That's quite out of order.

Kids party = crisps and stuff then the candle blowing then the cake is cut up and put in the party bags.

WaitMonkey Mon 28-Oct-13 08:38:43

This is so odd. I've never taken my dc to a party without food or drink. And the cake. They actually showed the cake and didn't cut it ? shock

SeaSickSal Mon 28-Oct-13 08:40:27

If the cake wasn't cut I am even more convinced that the venue told them nothing except things bought from them could be consumed.

They probably booked it all and sent the invitations out before they realized and it was too late to change and they couldn't afford bar prices. They're probably really embarrassed.

DorrisM Mon 28-Oct-13 08:40:32

Every child's party I've ever done I've ended up throwing away platefuls of sandwiches, which is galling but you still have to provide them. I did once do the cake thing, but it was by mistake and I was mortified when I realised.

Aeroaddict Mon 28-Oct-13 08:40:47

That is odd. Her parents must have the hide of a rhino not to feel very awkward in that situation. I'm no party expert, but I've never been to a kids party without food of some sort!

TwoTearsInABucket Mon 28-Oct-13 08:45:42

If that was the case seasick the party girls parents might have mentioned it to the guests.

Very weird about the cake otherwise.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Mon 28-Oct-13 09:08:37

That is all so weird!

You went to two all day weddings with no food?!

CombineBananaFister Mon 28-Oct-13 09:26:28

Think it's a bit rude tbh, if you expect people to take time out to come to a party and most will bring a gift , then you should at least provide refreshments.
Do you think they were just skint and didn't want their DD to miss out on a 'party'?(fair enough) Or were they being grabby and having a 'party' so she would get gifts but without actually hosting or doing owt (Unfortunately I know someone who did this)
Either way, it wasn't the little girls fault so I hope she had a good time, I imagine less guests will turn up in the future though sad

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 28-Oct-13 09:38:45

It's a bit weird. But please bare in kind that maybe the parents were skint. Perhaps family paid for the venue. I realise kids would have been hungry and thirsty but as a one off no one was going to drop dead if they had to eat at home late.

Water is free.

WooWooOwl Mon 28-Oct-13 09:49:25

Weird, and selfish behaviour from the host parents. I understand that they might not have been able to afford it, but if you cat afford to host people than don't give them an invitation!

At the very least, make it clear on the invitation that you won't be providing food and drink so that your guests can make an informed choice or be prepared to pay.

Accepting gifts at a birthday party without even offering your guests a drink is exceptionally rude.

mrsjay Mon 28-Oct-13 09:52:33

I remember taking dd1 to a party like this and it was a relatives child it was all really awkward i had money on me but some didn't no food or anything to drink only the bar int he pub was opened, it is odd isn't it . it doesn't cost a lot to make a few sandwiches put some crisps and sweets out with some juice

HappyMummyOfOne Mon 28-Oct-13 09:52:48

How strange, quite awful to show children the cake but not let them eat any. Never been to a childs party where food and drink has not been included.

If short on income, they could have had a simple tea party at home with fewer guests.

lottieandmia Mon 28-Oct-13 09:54:46

YANBU. Who are these people who have these horrible parties? If food isn't provided then it is not a party.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 28-Oct-13 09:56:33

You give gifts out of the goodness of your heart. You don't "expect" anything back. You don't give a present in exchange for food that's not what it's about.

If they are grabby bastards then that's how they are, not the girls fault and I'd hope that no one would ruin a girls party by not showing up just because of the parents.

Maybe they were really really skint. They might have got the venue for nothing through a friend or relative. At least your children had food to go home to, try seeing it from a different side.

This school thing is hard, a lot of oresdure to keep up with the parties. All these halls and entertainers etc , no one wants to be the only one not having a party.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 28-Oct-13 09:57:05


Gileswithachainsaw Mon 28-Oct-13 09:57:37

And maybe their home isn't somewhere they can invite people back to.

lottieandmia Mon 28-Oct-13 10:07:18

'You give gifts out of the goodness of your heart. You don't "expect" anything back. You don't give a present in exchange for food that's not what it's about.'

I agree, but from a hosting point of view you do not invite people to a party where there is no food, you just don't. It's very rude. If you cannot afford it then don't do it! The point of a party is for all the children to be able to enjoy themselves together. If you treat your guests badly it will only be a reflection on your child who has no control of the situation.

WooWooOwl Mon 28-Oct-13 10:09:29

Them they shouldn't send out invitations Giles.

Of course you give gifts out of the goodness of your heart, but lets not pretend that normal social expectations don't exist. It would be rude to turn up to a party without a gift for the host, and it's rude for a host to not even provide drinks.

mrsjay Mon 28-Oct-13 10:12:38

they could have bought one of those big bottles of squash and made up jugs of juice it is strange my relative said oh well the party is after lunch and before tea they wont be hungry hmm

Chusband Mon 28-Oct-13 10:18:23

You went to a wedding that provided no food or drink? I need to hear more about that please!

aquashiv Mon 28-Oct-13 10:20:57

No cake?

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 28-Oct-13 10:25:20

I'm not saying these social expectations don't exist. I'm just asking that people stop and think for a second. Ok so they didn't do what any of you would have done , but would you all seriously want people instantly thinking the worst of you. How is it in every other thread people frown upon others who make judgements , who complain that there wasbt XYZ . They might be everything others have said. Or a million things might have gone wrong resulting in their being no food. Or they really might be so skint that they just hoped to god that people would be kind enough to not make judgements and to be a bit understanding and allow a little girl to celebrate her birthday.

mrsjay Mon 28-Oct-13 10:27:08

TBF I dont think people are judging harshly just find it odd that there was no food or drink at a birthday party because it is quite strange , yes the people maybe skint etc

Daddypigsgusset Mon 28-Oct-13 10:27:55

We went to one wedding that provided no food or drink at all and another that invited 150 people and paid for a buffet for 50. The bride maintains that the 100 people who didn't get fed were lying. No, we were stood at the bar dying of thirst love and it was all gone within 2 minutes! People were so pissed off with that one as it was in a fancy hotel with v.expensive photographer and a £1000 cake! Which nobody got a piece of, they took it home as they didn't want it to get wasted confused I will never understand people like that. If guests are so insignificant to them, why bother inviting anyone at all?

DownstairsMixUp Mon 28-Oct-13 10:29:13

They could of just told the parents no food/drink was provided so to bring own funds or whatever, that would of been polite if they really couldn't afford to make a few sandwiches.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Mon 28-Oct-13 10:40:05

Im guessing that they just aren't used to throwing parties and don't know what people normally provide.

Daddypigsgusset Mon 28-Oct-13 10:52:11

Through the power of somebody adding photos on Facebook I think I have solved the mystery.
They seem to have done a double party with their other child.
It seems the sibling's party was held first, complete with buffet and fruit shoots from what I can see in the background. This must have been demolished before the second party begun. Why not keep half back for the second lot of guests? Or do a quick dash home for nibbles and cordial once they realised? Queer buggers as my nanna would say!

mrsjay Mon 28-Oct-13 10:54:53

oh god sake that is worse the 2nd child was meant to get leftovers and there was none poor birthday child as well as her guests .

TwoTearsInABucket Mon 28-Oct-13 10:55:23

That is a bit rubbish!

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Mon 28-Oct-13 10:59:44

Ah poor second child! You'd send someone out for pizzas wouldn't you? And order all the kids drinks at the bar!

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Mon 28-Oct-13 11:00:04

Or at least apologise and explain to the parents!

lottieandmia Mon 28-Oct-13 12:38:33

Ah, so it was a case of poor organisation really. The wedding story is shocking shock

fifi669 Mon 28-Oct-13 13:16:53

Did the first siblings guests get all the party bags too?

Daddypigsgusset Mon 28-Oct-13 15:22:42

I assume they must have! Wonder if they got a piece of cake too or if they shared the same one?
I've just worked out though, our party started at 4. The previous one must have finished at 3.30ish, assuming it was 2.5 hours long also, It would've started at 1. Giving them enough time between seeing all the kids for the first party vs the food and realizing the wouldn't be enough for the second lot needing feeding 4 hours later. Very poor, there were enough rellies and parent's friends to slip out and sort it within that 4 hour window.
I reckon they must do this every year and that's why loads didn't go. Around 8 from the class there opposed to the usual 15-20.

squoosh Mon 28-Oct-13 15:36:39

What tightarsed, cheeky skinflints!

One kid got the grub and the other kid got the venue.

haggisaggis Mon 28-Oct-13 15:39:24

Maybe it was one of these 2 tier parties you hear of on here and some kids got invited to both parties and some only to the 2nd one?!

CombineBananaFister Mon 28-Oct-13 16:30:32

I agree that you shouldn't give to receive but I also don't think you should call something a party if it doesn't have the most basic things expected at a party i.e. refreshments.
Maybe word the invite differently, 'would you like to come and celebrate DDs birthday at labour club. There will be dancing and fun. Refreshments can be purchased from the bar'. At least that way you can plan your own childs food intake accordingly for before/after and come prepared with money.
Like I said, fair enough if they were skint the little girl should still be able to have a nice day. Plus I don't know anyone who wouldn't still take a gift based on the lack of free amazing hmm party food. It's just about being prepared.

pigletmania Mon 28-Oct-13 16:40:10

Yanbu pretty poor tbh. A kids party with no food or refreshments is unacceptable.

pigletmania Mon 28-Oct-13 16:43:25

It is not much to provide a few jugs of squash and a bit of icelandesque party food. The parents shoud have stipulated on the invites so parents or kids could bring money. Or have jugs of squash on the tables at the very least!

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