To want friends to be in same postition as me for my own selfish reasons

(142 Posts)
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 12:56:39

I know I am been unreasonable and all that but I'm still going to moan here and I expect you all yo agree with me and ignore the unreasonableness of it grin

I have been intouch with friends to see if anyone fancies going for a pub lunch.

I'm alone every Sunday as the toddler is at his dads. I'm bored and hungry and I haven't seen friends in weeks and some in months.

All the texts and calls have said roughly the same thing and the others ignored.

'Im with the boyfriend/husband, if he goes out later I will meet you'

'Im spending it with partner'

'We can do something next week as with fella today'

So AIBU to want all friends single? Even the ones with kids? I managed to see them while in a relationship and with a baby.

All I want is a couple of hours of their time in weeks/months. I'm the only single mother with a toddler. They are either in relationships, married or have babies but still with partner.

They only have time for me if their partners are out doing something. The plans to do something next week never happen but yet I'm the first person they call upon when they have problems.

I wish I could clone myself.

daughterofafarmer Sun 27-Oct-13 12:58:07

Plan it in advance, you can expect people to change their plans just because you haven't made any!

reup Sun 27-Oct-13 12:58:58

I know what you mean. When I was single all my friends were in couples, then when I got married they got divorced. I'm never in sync.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:00:29

Daughter They are usually planned in advance yet it doesn't happen as I stated.

Strumpetron Sun 27-Oct-13 13:01:27

Awrrr I feel for you. I'm really lucky, me and my best friend both have partners and she has a baby (my godchild) but we can always just text each other out of the blue to arrange things. Spontaneous things are sometimes the best. Tis a shame they're all busy sad personally id MAKE the time for you, I see my partner every single day so if I couldn't spare a few hours from his side there's a problem!

LizzieVereker Sun 27-Oct-13 13:03:26

I'm starving, and go go a good pub lunch. I'll go out with you grin

LizzieVereker Sun 27-Oct-13 13:04:20

could go a pub lunch... See, am weak with hunger, can't type.

PrincessFlirtyPants Sun 27-Oct-13 13:05:18

YANBU!! They should drop their plans, what inconsiderate friends you have! wink

DontmindifIdo Sun 27-Oct-13 13:06:05

YABU - you need to plan in advance! Our weekends are planned out. Today I could meet a friend because DH is out and we have no plans, but because he would be out today, we made plans for yesterday to do stuff as a family. That's not to say I can only see friends when he's out, but if I'm not going to spend Sunday with him, i'd like to spend Saturday as a family. A lot of couples don't get much family time so would rather use non-family time to meet up with friends. It could be your friends have done separate things on a Saturday already so want to spend today together. Plus it's sunday, most people will have meal planned already, I've got a chicken in the fridge for dinner, I'm not going to eat out tonight now.

As you know you are free every sunday, can you text someone back and ask if they fancy doing sunday lunch next week. Message a few others and point out that as you are on your own every Sunday, would they like to book in a 'girls lunch' in a few weeks time. If you start it today/tomorrow, you could book up the next month meeting up with other friends (invite some to you if you think they might be too skint to eat out).

Also depending where you are, there's a storm coming, I've been out earlier today and so I'd probably turn down any invite out this afternoon because I'm now in the mood for snuggling down and watching the leaves blow, not being out in the cold.

Thewalkingdeadkr Sun 27-Oct-13 13:06:27

Yes that used to happen to me when I was a single parent.
Still does too as dh works weekends!
In fact, ill go with you? Carvery?
<gets coat>

MrsDavidBowie Sun 27-Oct-13 13:08:43

Go on your own...get the papers and enjoy time on your own.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:09:35

Dont I have stated the planning doesn't work as it just doesn't happen! I have been planning to meet a friend for over a month now!

I'm in Leeds. Blue sky here!

They just can't seem to find time for me unless their partners that they all live with fuck them off or if they are annoyed at them then they will come running to me.

I'm off to go ruin dome relationships grin

Princess Thank you. I knew I was right

mrswishywashy1 Sun 27-Oct-13 13:10:02

I'm in the same situation Sp It's annoying.

Now if you lived near me I would love a pub lunch today grin

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 27-Oct-13 13:10:12

Your friends are crap and YANBU. Can you make some new (single) ones? Or find an activity/club/gym to occupy you on Sunday?

DontmindifIdo Sun 27-Oct-13 13:10:20

oh and before now when we've been skint, I've said I had plans with DH (then DP) when really it was I didn't fancy spending what little 'fun money' I had on eating out when there was food in the house. I didn't want to say I was skint because you might call me on it if I've bought a new top the following week, but if I've only got say a spare £30 to spend on me, I might chose not to spend it eating out.

If they are saying they'll meet up with you later, it could be they are trying to avoid an expensive meal and all afternoon affair, but can afford a couple of drinks...

Waggamamma Sun 27-Oct-13 13:11:05

where are you SP I'd love a pub lunch today and will happily ditch ds and dp for a couple of hours grin I need some friends who want to do stuff too.

Oh will need to be somewhere with a deal on as im skint!

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:11:56

I'm the skint one! They are all better off than me. That's why I say a cheap pub lunch. Its 2 for 8 in pubs near me. It wouldn't be an all afternoon thing.

I have my son back at 6ish.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:13:07

Wagga I'm in Leeds. All pubs near me do cheap deals. Its great. Curry and a pint or burger and pint £5. Or 2 for meals or 2 for £8.

RhondaJean Sun 27-Oct-13 13:13:54

Sp move to Scotland, I'll go for lunch with you, I'm always bored on Sundays!

Euphemia Sun 27-Oct-13 13:15:03

Where do you live, Rhonda?

DontmindifIdo Sun 27-Oct-13 13:15:54

But you've not been planning specific dates! If you say "let's meet up on a Sunday" and they say 'yes' you need to then pin them down and get it in the diary: so follow up with "Great, can you do the 3rd or the 10th?" actually get a date confirmed, not just the concept of meeting up.

If they have said in advance you will meet up in 2 weeks time and then on the actual day they've said they aren't interested, that's different, but if you are just generally planning the idea of meeting up, then you haven't actually scheduled something. Get firm commitments to sundays in November. Not just a "yeah, it would be great to see you one Sunday!" actual confirmed if it's the 3rd, 10th, 17th, and if it's lunch, shopping, coffee, going to an art gallery... Get something booked in, not just generally thought about. (This is tough if you are more a 'think about it on the day' sort of person, but it's more effective)

RhondaJean Sun 27-Oct-13 13:17:25

Im in Ayrshire euphemia.

DH works most Sundays, I should use them to be more productive but I'm slogging on couch watching the originals and Mning!

BillyBanter Sun 27-Oct-13 13:18:26

I have similar issues with weekends. Although my solution would be for me to have a partner.

trish5000 Sun 27-Oct-13 13:18:38

Are mumsnet local any use to you?

Shame about your friends. Shame they cant both go with you.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:18:40

They say cant do this Sunday but can do next Sunday. Next Sunday comes and I get the same shite.

I have sorted something out weeks in advance and then been let done the day we were meant to do something yet I never let them down. I went to one mates wedding with severe tonsillitis, swollen face, dribbling and high on meds yet she cant even be arsed meeting me for 2 hours

Kewcumber Sun 27-Oct-13 13:20:03

If you are single you absolutely need some single friends and/or local family. Its virtually impossible to persuade someone married to meet up with you at a weekend.

so no YANBU

Strumpetron Sun 27-Oct-13 13:20:05

I'd hate to have to 'book in' with my friends. Like I have to tie them to a plan just so they dot back out. it looks like they aren't making the effort which is pretty pathetic.

MammaTJ Sun 27-Oct-13 13:22:44

You don't need friends in the same same circumstances as you, you just need better friends. I have a partner and children, but I still meet up with friends sometimes. If you were one ofmy friends, I would be inviting you round to mine for lunch well, more like tea, by the time I have got my arse in gear.

DP is great and quite happily looks after our children to enable me to do it. He also takes the children to the rugby club when he plays, so I get some time to revise.

foreverondiet Sun 27-Oct-13 13:23:19

Actually I think they are being a bit rude selfish. We (DH, me and family) often have friends round at weekend and of course have single friends (some with kids some without) and married friends. However we usually are organised in advance as I cook but of course if I have people round anyway would always be ok about an extra one.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:24:11

Mama but if they were in same position they wouldn't have the 'im with partner' excuse.

Thewalkingdeadkr Sun 27-Oct-13 13:25:50

I do t get why people can't see a friend for a few hrs just because their dh is around.
When mine is off its a good opportunity to do so as he can have the kids!

Pinupgirl Sun 27-Oct-13 13:26:19

I am like this but I am married! Dh takes dcs to an activity on a sunday and we used to always go to inlaws for dinner. But I put my foot down over that so now I have some sundays free.

Yet whenever I suggest meeting friends for coffee/lunch all I get is oh am busy,we are going swimming,gardening,diying etc. FFs your dh will not expire nor your dcs suffer if you actually leave them to it for a couple of hours.

Couples who are joined at the hip boil my pissangry

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:28:32

They don't visit if I have the toddler or want to meet up when I have him. They know when I'm free yet only bother when they are having a shit time.

I haven't seen the friend who git married since her wedding a month ago yet she was the one who mentioned meeting up at the weekend after it.

Takver Sun 27-Oct-13 13:29:39

I would love it if you were my friend and called on a Sunday. Even if I didn't want to go to the pub I would say come round and hang out here and eat cake or something. So YANBU and you need some new friends!

(Married but older dc and DH always seems to have rehearsals for something or other on a Sunday)

PublicEnemyNumeroUno Sun 27-Oct-13 13:31:53

I feel for you, and if you where further up north id have met you for lunch, ive seen you a lot on here (im a name-changer) you seem like a fun person who would be a good laugh; cant see why you'd struggle to make new friends

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:32:06

What makes me laugh is they are always available to go out with their other friends on nights out without worrying to much about partners been alone.

Auntidote Sun 27-Oct-13 13:37:34

YANBU but it does seem compulsory for couples to refuse to see single friends at the weekend. And if they do deign to see you you have to see the whole family not just the friend you actually want to see.

Do stuff on your own, then tell them how much fun you had. They still won't be interested in seeing you but at least you'll feel better and not be relying on them.

ClimbingPenguin Sun 27-Oct-13 13:37:51

I'm married and have this. I don't need to spend the whole weekend with DH, but apparently everyone else does. I've lost all my SAHM friends now I have gone back to work.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:39:01

'if partners working tomorrow I can meet you tomorrow'

is a text that came through. I replied 'i have the toddler tomorrow but he loves a good pub lunch'

I got back 'oh, maybe another time when you are free then'

I'm free now shithead!

I don't like missing time with my DH/DC at weekends, I would much rather meet in the week in the day if poss, if not I would rather go out on a night out (as its rare!) and go out with loads at once, to make the time/spending worth it.

Sorry, even before I was married I was the same though, weekend daytimes were always planned ages in advance - even if that plan was to have a day doing nothing to re charge a bit, and I wouldn't change plans unless I really had to.

Pinupgirl Sun 27-Oct-13 13:40:00

Yep again I know exactly what you are talking about op.I asked my friend to go to a couple of events with me and got the usual excuses. Yet that very same weekend they went out as couples for dinner. Some times I think they actually don't really want to be my friend.

I usually organise an xmas night for us but last year 2 of them pulled out at the very last minute so this year am not going to bother.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:41:12

I'm free 3 nights and get the same excuse. When football is one then I get a visit. I'm too skint for nights out and when I do save up for one I get let down. I can't win

Thewalkingdeadkr Sun 27-Oct-13 13:44:34

Go to the pictures instead, take lots of sweets.
We saw "bad grandpa" yesterday and nearly pissed myself laughing.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 13:48:02

Is that the Jackass one walking?

I think I will just take the toddler for a pub lunch tomorrow seen as there's no nursery

MimmeeBack Sun 27-Oct-13 13:50:15

I will bring my toddler for a pub lunch grin
I know exactly how you feel!

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan Sun 27-Oct-13 13:52:25

Right- send an email/text to all your friends who you want to see ( dont send i today- maybe midweek or next fri evening) in it say that you understand that 'WE' all have busy lives and family commitments but that you feel your friendship has been neglected a bit recently by 'ALL OF US' and so you think it would be great if you could all get together for a day/night and catch up like in times gone by. Then say "x,y and z are good dates for me" (the earliest maybe being 2/3 weeks away) "i was thinking lunch at (local pub/ restaurant) or if you preferred something else just shout" and then say look forward to seeing you all soon. Ive missed our days/nights out.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:06:08

Doing it in advance doesn't make them come. I still get let down on the day

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan Sun 27-Oct-13 14:09:10

Well then they're shitty friends if they keep doing that. I'd be looking for new ones. Or if i was feeling mean i's turn up at shitty friends houses unannounced and make them play host to me for an hour while they're still in their jammies grin maybe next time they'll rethink the cancelling on you

IsisOhIsis Sun 27-Oct-13 14:12:09

Yanbu to find weekends hard. I'm a single parent and everyone is usually busy all weekend as its seen as family time, which of course is understandable but its still hard, and lonely and boring. Can you go for a lovely lunch with a good book and enjoy some me-time?

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:14:13

I have constant 'me-time' every night and 2 days a week. I'm not a book person. I just wanted 2 hours of adult company for a change.

trish5000 Sun 27-Oct-13 14:14:31

They are not willing to be free on a sunday.
They are not willing to meet you with the toddler.

Do they meet you if you have a free weekday, or a free weekday evening. Presumably without your toddler?

Auntidote Sun 27-Oct-13 14:15:18

They can have family time every day. "Family time" translates as "we are smug and don't think our friends matter any more". Until they want something from you. Then they'll suddenly want to be friends again.

DontmindifIdo Sun 27-Oct-13 14:16:39

OK, if they are letting you down on the day, that's very different from your OP when you suggested you'd just asked them today, had you made plans to do something today (although not specifically what) and they let you down, that's shit. Really, you need new friends.

If you want to give them a last chance, go with the confirming a date in advance and then on the Wednesday before, send a message saying "what time shall we meet at XXX on Sunday?" (not "are you still on for Sunday" make it a given that the plans are confirmed) or even "XXX gets busy on a Sunday, I've booked a table for 1pm, is that ok or would you like it earlier/later?" If they then still cancel on you, don't arrange anything again with those friends, find new people.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:17:26

They will come round if their partners are doing something without them

I haven't seen one of them for 3 month, one keeps saying we will meet up yet its been a month and nothing etc

LordPalmerston Sun 27-Oct-13 14:18:28

I couldn't be friends with someone who says "fella". It's like from Blue Jeans magazine circa 1976

LordPalmerston Sun 27-Oct-13 14:18:47

I also loathe family time. Ew. Twee

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:18:56

I cant find new friends. I don't have anywhere to go alone or funds to be doing stuff.

I stated in OP that plans never happen.

DontmindifIdo Sun 27-Oct-13 14:19:44

Auntidote - normally I'd say that's not fair, "family time" can be precious when you have a DP/H who works long hours and it is actually nice to spend time all together (both parents and DCs, some families really only get a few hours a week when everyone is available).

But with these people, it's the fact the OP is now the person they see when they have no better offers that's the issue.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:19:49

Lord Good for you.

LordPalmerston Sun 27-Oct-13 14:21:53

I used to find the cloying family tins annoying when h worked away. Was never precious about it.
I agree with the person who said you need to tell them you feel lonely.

DontmindifIdo Sun 27-Oct-13 14:22:10

But OP, you said you'd been in touch to see if they fancies going for a pub lunch today not that you'd arranged last week to go for a pub lunch today and then today they said they didn't want to do it, you said you asked today. Did you really plan to do something today and actually plan to go to lunch or did you do a vague "let's do something next sunday" not what that something was? Pin down confirmed plans, lunch at X place at Y time on Sunday. If they still cancel on you, then dump them. If you are asking if it's going for lunch they fancy doing today then you haven't made a confirmed plan for today.

manticlimactic Sun 27-Oct-13 14:22:57

My DD goes to her dads Friday eve to Sunday lunch and has done since we split. I've been Billy no mates for years at weekends for over a decade. Obviously need more friends -or just friends, I haven't even got any to suggest going to lunch with <wibble> well not close ones, as they're all loved up.

DD is 17 so this is the time I could be out on the razz/eating out with friends, gadding about but I spend most of it looking after my elderly mum as my brother and sis know I have no social life hmm

I'm in Leeds too grin

CharlotteBronteSaurus Sun 27-Oct-13 14:23:10

i have tried to arrange playdates at weekends, as I work every afternoon afterschool. I invariably get the response "oh no, DH is off, so we'll be having family time".
what, all weekend, every weekend? surely 2 hours off is ok?

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:24:42

I've been making plans for a month with one person! I month for a 2 hour lunch meet up!

Planning in advance didn't work and for 2 years they have known the days I'm free.

They are with their partners every single day. I shouldn't need to force them into meeting me

I concur that you need single friends. When I was the only single person in my friendship group, trying to make social plans with my partnered-up friends was soul destroying.

How about mn local or some local mum and toddler groups to make new friends?

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:25:58

Mant Shall we set up 'Loners is Leeds' support groups? grin

You and mantic should meet for lunch grin

trish5000 Sun 27-Oct-13 14:27:29

Church creches? Not for everyone, but should be welcoming and more or less free. And probably on sundays!

Norfolknway Sun 27-Oct-13 14:28:37

Why can't you all have a day together?

It's not either or. Just because they are with their partners you're not invited? How odd!

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:29:46

I have no toddler on a Sunday so I would look a bit odd hanging around a creche alone grin

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 27-Oct-13 14:35:30

They see their partners all the time, it's a bit pathetic that they can't spare time to have a lunch with you now and again.

manticlimactic Sun 27-Oct-13 14:36:53

We should SP grin there must be one somewhere.

I passed my driving test a couple of years ago. I'd promised myself I would pass before I was 40 (just scraped in by a couple of months). I thought it would give me more independence and could get a better social life as I could get about -meet new people etc but ironically since then I've been more of a hermit <sigh>

I've had a look on the local meet up sites but wonder if they're full of weirdos or high brow intellectuals I have nothing in common with.

Preciousbane Sun 27-Oct-13 14:38:08

Unfortunately I'm about fifty miles from Leeds. I'm married but Sunday afternoon if we are not out is Match of the Day catch up, which I am always happy to miss.

I have a single neighbour who is always very much oh no you have a family I don't want to intrude.

I do think some couples are joined at the hip, I have never been like this. Then again I have gone on holiday without DH and people were horrified.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:38:31

That's what I thought too mant grin Knowing my luck I'd end up meeting a loon who then skins me and wears me as a coat.

DalmationDots Sun 27-Oct-13 14:38:43

Dd is at uni and was the only single girl of the 4 people who live in her house. She foudn it difficult at first, she is very happy single, but found she had to bite her lip to prevent herself sounding like a jealous bitch when he friends would all natter on about the great aspects of their other halves. She also found they seemed to somehow accidentally time it so they'd all be off out with their boyfriends on the same night.
She was fine most of the time and just arranged other things, but after a while she gently asked if they could try and have girls nights two nights a week or arrange it so they aren't all out. They were horrified when they realised how thoughtless they had been.
Try and arrange things further in advance or find a gym class/social meet up/something to do on the weekends your DS is away.

manticlimactic Sun 27-Oct-13 14:40:06

norfolk Weekends tend to be reserved for spending time with DP/H/children/grandparents. Single friends appear not to be welcome to join in or will only get an offer if there is nothing better to do.

manticlimactic Sun 27-Oct-13 14:46:39

Just looked at your profile SP. Crikey I'm a dinosaur in comparison. Maybe we should find the meet ups together - they're more likely to want to skin you than me - phew thlgrin

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 14:48:43

The toddler is 2003 though grin I don't know how to change it.

MN local is shit imo. Hardly anyone uses it

manticlimactic Sun 27-Oct-13 14:53:17

Haha, yes I did notice but just thought it was a MN way of saying when he was born grin

Alliballi Sun 27-Oct-13 15:01:31

I'd love to go for a pub lunch with you! Shame you don't live in the southern US.

Thants Sun 27-Oct-13 15:07:14

I'm in a relationship and we both see friends. So me and dp will do something with our single friend. And my couple friends I will see without dp. Ask if you can do something with both if them? I'm assuming you like your friends partners?

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 15:07:53

If I set off walking now I should be with you in a few years all grin

Auntidote Sun 27-Oct-13 15:09:02

So, Thants, you never spend time just you and your friend?

Someone said I was being unfair upthread. I only wish I were.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 15:11:25

Thants I dont get invited when its the pair of them. I also would rather not be a spare wheel. Sometimes I just want to see a friend and have a chat.

2 hours of their time for lunch isn't much

PublicEnemyNumeroUno Sun 27-Oct-13 15:22:03

To be honest your friends sound like dicks, they wont meet you if your son is there? What the fuck is that about? I would take offence to that tbh

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 16:08:14

I don't take offence. They don't have kids

Saminthemiddle Sun 27-Oct-13 16:21:17

SP - when I was a single parent, the same thing happened to me. One "friend" rang me on a Sunday afternoon and asked me over with my toddler and when I accepted, said "oh good, I had no one else to ask and I was feeling lonely, you are the only person I know who could come....". I stupidly went and told myself that never again will I be treated like that by a so called friend.

Sundays are really, really miserable if you are a single parent and don't have family nearby etc. Can you change your days so sometimes your ex has your toddler say on a Saturday instead?

By the way, YANBU, your friends sound selfish and they are really not thinking about you! They could even invite you round to theirs for lunch or tea as you are on your own. Don't let it get you down, you are not alone, this happens a lot, maybe find some different friends to add to the ones you have already, then you won't depend on them or let them upset you in this way.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 16:26:09

Sunday is his only guaranteed day off that's why he goes Saturday as he gets a day with him all Sunday then

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 16:26:38

And plus what is the best night to be free? A Saturday night but just not in my case grin

Your friends suck balls. I'm married but happy to leave my DH to see my mates at the weekend.

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock Sun 27-Oct-13 16:38:15

'it does seem compulsory for couples to refuse to see single friends at the weekend.'

Not true! I have a partner but either/both of us frequently meet up with single friends at weekends. Daytimes and evenings.

The OP's friends are shits but please don't tar all people in couples with the same brush grin

OP, stop agreeing to meet up with them when they come to you with problems. If they can't find the time for you, fuck em.

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 27-Oct-13 16:43:08

The phrases "as a family" and "family time" make me feel sick. Clearly your "friends" are the pathetic sort of women who don't dare let their "other half" out of their sight lest they run off with someone more interesting. Could you perhaps shag one of their husbands? (only partly joking)

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 16:45:36

holla Their partners do do things alone. It them that wont do anything without partners unless he has planned something without them.

sallysparrow157 Sun 27-Oct-13 16:48:02

If I'd read this before lunchtime I would have gone for a pub lunch with you, I'm in Leeds and have spent the day cleaning the house, pub lunch sounds far more fun!

krazipan Sun 27-Oct-13 16:48:06

I'm also a single parent in Leeds, we should go take advantage of the pubs offers! wink

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 16:49:45

There's 3 pubs in one area near me. The pub offers are great.

one pub does 2 for 1 and children eat for £1 on Tuesday.

trish5000 Sun 27-Oct-13 17:06:38

http://www.netmums.com/leeds/local/index/support-groups/single-parents

This any use to you!!!!!!!!!!

It was the first thing that popped up when I typed in single parent in Leeds thlblush

trish5000 Sun 27-Oct-13 17:07:26
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 17:18:18

Thanks Trish.

It seems to be citizen advice and volunteer work with families though

trish5000 Sun 27-Oct-13 17:35:35

Yes, sorry. Didnt have a long read of it.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 18:48:23

I asked the toddler if he wants to go to the pub tomorrow.

His reply?

'I guess, do I have to?'

Well yes, yes you do

<evil cackle>

weneedtotalkaboutkettles Sun 27-Oct-13 18:52:49

Kewcumber - If you are single you absolutely need some single friends and/or local family. Its virtually impossible to persuade someone married to meet up with you at a weekend. so no YANBU

yy

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 18:54:03

I have one single friend with a child but she lives quite a bit away so seeing her means staying over. We are going to hers over Halloween for a party though.

gingerbreadshoes Sun 27-Oct-13 19:05:14

I am now coming into this situation as exdp and I have only been separated for 2 months. So far when he has ds I have cleaned the house just to keep myself occupied as I miss ds.

I know that if I asked my friends in a couple if they would like to meet up it would be a no. One of them even admits that if they are having family time (could be either sat or sun) then she will not even reply to texts until the next day.

Yanbu and this is exactly what I am dreading sad

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sun 27-Oct-13 19:13:16

SP It's shit, isn't it? I'm a single parent and I've got friends who won't meet at the weekend unless their DH's are working or off playing golf. Fuckers.

Agree that it's hard to just go out and meet other people more suited to your situation, so there's no simple solution. Only thing I can suggest is arrange a date for Sunday lunch a week or two ahead and get it in writing (text will do) that they'll come, then text again maybe three or four days before the date and say 'Cant wait to catch up for lunch on Sunday as agreed, see you at x place at x time.'. If they then back out without good reason (the only good reasons being plague or alien abduction), then straight away go back to them and ask why they're cancelling your pre-arranged date as they're letting you down. You need to pull them up on their flakiness, otherwise they'll just keep doing it.

weneedtotalkaboutkettles Sun 27-Oct-13 19:17:38

It's quite nice though (selfishly!) to know it isn't just me! If I've ever dared nervously mention this issue or similar ones on here in the past I am sternly told that my singleness shouldn't make any difference and I should have a house full of friends, married or otherwise!

It's like when you say "I'm lonely" and people start yelling at you to join clubs ...

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Sun 27-Oct-13 19:21:00

I know it wont be an immediate solution but could you join a book club? They usually meet evenings, then it may extend into meeting other weekend aloners.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 19:29:20

I'm not a book person at all. A book club round here will be elderly people

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Sun 27-Oct-13 19:31:58

grin

Erm........

Sunday job?

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 19:33:43

I've been applying for months but getting no where

weneedtotalkaboutkettles Sun 27-Oct-13 19:40:59

I think the thing here is Mortified (and have to laugh at the timing of our two posts!) is that the OP isn't bored, she's lonely. Long lonely Sundays are the utter pits.

You can fill them, yes, of course you can. Read a book, sort out the cupboards, hoover the house, do the garden. It doesn't actually stop you feeling discontent and unhappy and out of sorts.

What you NEED is a big belly laugh with your mates, a hug from your mum, a squabble with siblings. This is the problem with threads about "I need company" - they always turn into "this is how you can fill your time" when that isn't what the OP needs or wants.

Sorry if I'm assuming there OP.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 19:44:00

No, you are correct we I have all my nights to do stuff like that as I'm alone every single night of the week.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Sun 27-Oct-13 19:47:43

Sorry. Just trying to think of suggestions that might put the op into circles of other people who have sundays to fill. She cant force her friends to accomodate her, much as that is the easiest solution. Therefore the only reasonable suggestion imo is to find other friends.

Babysealion Sun 27-Oct-13 19:49:41

Ooh SP I'm from the Leeds area, all my mates have gone off to uni and forgotten about me (how thoughtless of me to get pregnant right before uni hmm) so I'll join you for a carvery anytime!

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 19:54:04

I should organise a lonely Leeds lunch!

springylippy Sun 27-Oct-13 19:58:28

Gingerbread? It's quite funky these days I hear.

Couples/weekends = hallowed ground. They should add it to the 10 commandments: thou shalt not contravene holy weekends and part the couple asunder.

(yy I get it that weekdays are busy and that weekends are good bonding times.. but every weekend??)

Get some single friends on the go, OP. Any which way. Most couples are losers at w/e's ime.

idiuntno57 Sun 27-Oct-13 20:02:10

just flying the flag in defense of people who want to hang out with dh and kids at the weekend (though making a plan and cancelling is not on)

I hardly see DH during the week to talk to properly and doing things with him and the kids is lovely and makes up for the hard slog of the week.

I would say friendships wax and wane depending on people's circumstances and if this group of 'smug marrieds' are not making you happy then let those friendships slide and try to make some that fit with where you are.

Friendship should be an enjoyable not resentment creating experience and sounds like you are not getting what you need. However it is not fair to condemn people for wanting to spend time with their families.

Auntidote Sun 27-Oct-13 20:04:17

Not condemning people for spending time with their families, but for dumping their friends who don't have families.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 20:04:31

I'd understand if these couples had kids or didn't see each other much but that's not the case at all.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 20:05:13

And I haven't condemned anyone

GoldenGytha Sun 27-Oct-13 20:05:56

My DC are grown up now, and I'm single SP

If I lived in Leeds I'd go with you, love a good pub lunch,

Unfortunately though, I'm in Aberdeen, so a wee bit too far to travel.

idiuntno57 Sun 27-Oct-13 20:07:54

you may not be but there is quite a lot of 'family time' bashing on this thread.

You obvs feel very strongly about their apparent selfishness. Why not tell them how you are feeling?

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 20:35:37

Because they don't see my situation as that bad or lonely. They say 'oh, I'd live time away from partner' then when they have the chance dont bother.

Butterytoast Sun 27-Oct-13 20:43:43

Sp it sounds like you need some nice new friends! I have a toddler too and dh works away a lot which can make meet ups tricky but I still manage to make time for all my friends. Friends should accept and embrace the things that are important to you like your son so I find it really off that they aren't interested in meeting with you when he is there!

Thewalkingdeadkr Sun 27-Oct-13 20:52:55

I lol forward to seeing my dh on the rare weekends we get but there's always time to see a friend especially if we knew they were at a loose end.
Defo build up some single mates who are up for a laugh.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 20:54:13

How do I find single mates? Go into and look for the spare wheels? grin

MuffCakes Sun 27-Oct-13 21:02:45

I hate sundays to being single. I am lucky in that most my friends are single mums and we do a lot friday night and saturday with the dc so sunday I'm happy to stay in but when dd's at her dads and it's just me and the brat it's hard. I invite people over with the bribery of a roast/some sort of nice dinner but other times I can go all weekend without speaking to anyone but the dc.

Thants Sun 27-Oct-13 21:05:46

I do see my friends on my own but I'll also sometimes see them with my partner. I don't like this 'spare wheel' stuff! Why can't three people hang out and have fun? I spend time on my own with my friends who are a couple it is never awkward. They don't just get off with each other in front of me grin. We just all chat and it's nice.

Mia4 Sun 27-Oct-13 21:08:16

YABU, OP to want them like that but you knew that anyway. YANBU to want them to spend some time with you. It's annoying when anyone in a relationship starts blowing you out and not bothering anymore.

While everyone has their own lives, there's a difference between genuinely being unable and busy and just being really bloody annoying. I once had friend who was the latter. She buggered off all the time when with her partners, made plans and broke them and let me and everyone down. Then when she broke off with her last boyfriend she expected (as usual) everyone to come running and to be honest after 10 years of being dumped and blown out I didn't consider her that much of a friend so I was very vague in order to distance myself and didn't commit.

Mia4 Sun 27-Oct-13 21:09:18

Oh and for meeting friends, I think there are online sites for that though I can't think of one right now- maybe someone else knows?

Xmasbaby11 Sun 27-Oct-13 21:10:16

I'm married with a toddler DD (and work full time) but still have plenty of time to see friends. Definitely not as much as prekids (partly because of money) but probably once a week. I go out any evening, weekday or weekend, with friends, in fact more to suit when they are free since I am free most evenings! I also often meet up with a friend in the daytime at weekends, although that is always with DD too. I suppose I am a bit limited in that I don't go out until DD is on her way to bed, 7ish, because I work and like to have that time with her at home. But it's really not difficult fitting in friendships.

I think friends find time for you, and don't just wait until they are at a loose end. They don't sound like great friends to me.

maddening Sun 27-Oct-13 21:11:45

invjte the the partners too

happy2help Sun 27-Oct-13 21:12:42

OP, I wish you lived near me, you sound like a brilliant friend and a right laugh - don't think I've ever laughed out loud on mn till this thread! Hope you somehow get some decent friends - preferably single ones whose DCs are at their dad's the same days that your DS is!

happy2help Sun 27-Oct-13 21:13:33

OP, I wish you lived near me, you sound like a brilliant friend and a right laugh - don't think I've ever laughed out loud on mn till this thread! Hope you somehow get some decent friends - preferably single ones whose DCs are at their dad's the same days that your DS is!

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 21:14:01

They still say no due to the spare wheel thing.

One friends partner is one controlling dick who I wont be around. He also tells her I'm a bad influence. Dont know how though. I have to wait til he is working away to see her.

happy2help Sun 27-Oct-13 21:14:12

See - you're so funny I posted it twice confused!

2rebecca Sun 27-Oct-13 21:15:15

I'd rather meet up on an evening at a weekend. Lunch stops you doing things all day especially if a pub lunch as then can't concentrate all afternoon. Even when single I wouldn't want to meet up at lunch time. If you said lets go for a bike ride of 40k incorporating a pub I'd be up for it.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 21:15:52

I know I'm been unreasonable as I know its my own fault I'm in this situation and not theirs.

I just really wanted a pub lunch and a chat with an adult.

I'm currently arguing with the toddler about whether Nemo is Marlins son or grandson. I'm right but he isn't backing down.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 27-Oct-13 21:17:17

2 I cant afford nights out. They want town and getting pissed at weekends. Yes, without their partners!

I didn't think 2 hours of there time once a month would be so hard

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Mon 28-Oct-13 10:58:03

Going for a pub lunch with a new friend and her daughter.

Strumpetron Mon 28-Oct-13 11:00:06

Yay! Result

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Mon 28-Oct-13 11:02:25

Our children are related through toddlers dads side as well. Didn't know she lived up the street from me til Saturday. Ex wont like it but he can swivel on a rusty pole for all I care.

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