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To expect to be called my married name and not my maiden name ?!

(106 Posts)
thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 09:39:36

Got married in August. ]

Changed my name with GPs, dentist, both banks, etc etc.

Gets a letter from hospital last week "Miss C Blue" for example when I am now "Mrs C Red".

Its probably the lack of sleep but I almost cried this morning when calling the GP for an appointment to be told "We dont have a Mrs Red on the system, but your details match up with Miss Blue, is that you?"

SO frustrating. I'm totally PMSing this week too.

curlew Fri 25-Oct-13 09:41:32

Sorry- why does it matter so much?

MsVestibule Fri 25-Oct-13 09:44:37

Really can't see the problem. Surely you just say to them "I changed my name with my GP, what do I need to do to get it changed on your system?". Please don't tell me you're upset that they haven't recognise your newly exalted status...

Penny6Pence Fri 25-Oct-13 09:44:57

Oh, for God's sake.

MsVestibule Fri 25-Oct-13 09:47:48

OK, didn't read properly, I see it's your GP who doesn't recognise your new name when you've already told them. Surely you just say to them "I gave you my new name in August, why hasn't the change registered on your system yet?". I really feel I must be missing something here.

Sallykitten Fri 25-Oct-13 09:50:47

This will happen a couple of times and really doesn't matter. In a year or so it will never happen again.

judgejudithjudy Fri 25-Oct-13 09:51:21

really?! nearly cried?!

SuperConfused Fri 25-Oct-13 09:53:56

Yabu. This is one of many reasons I wish women would stop changing their name.

I used to work in a professional body where the qualifying system for trainees was totally separate to the system of registering them for membership they had to have. I used to get so many irate newly married women on the phone. In that instance, we did make it clear on the forms they'd have to inform us if they had sat previous exams under a different name.

In professional contexts, it's difficult: everyone is on Serrano million databases these days. If you want to have the same name as your new family, that's fine: but it's no easier for the world at large than if you decided to change your first name b ly deed poll in which case I suspect you'd be more understanding about having to explain it all the time.

thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 09:56:22

Ive had around 10 hours sleep in the last week. I have BPD with a side on insomnia just for kicks.

It's the rigmarole of repeating my details over and over and over again. Thats the 4th time this week.

Its really annoyance that computers can't do a simple name change. 6th time Ive had to take my marriage certificate down there today.

KhunZhoop Fri 25-Oct-13 09:57:13

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Hassled Fri 25-Oct-13 10:00:25

If it helps (which it probably doesn't), I have had similar problems convincing people that just because I married a Mr Bloggs, it doesn't mean I want to be called Mrs Bloggs. I remain Miss/Ms Hassled. Despite it being 2013 and all, this still seems to blow some people's minds.

curlew Fri 25-Oct-13 10:00:53

You don't have to take your marriage certificate! You can call yourself anything you want to. Just tell them to change your name on the system. Or not. It doesn't actually make any difference whether they call you Mrs Red or Miss Blue.

meditrina Fri 25-Oct-13 10:02:28

In a perfect world, you would only have to tell each organisation you have ever given your previous name to just the once for the change to be made.

In practice, people do make mistakes.

In his case, OP, was part of the mistake yours? You don't appear to have told the hospital of your change of name, and that appears to have overridden the GP in the NHS hierarchy. It's ever so easy to miss something. And in cases of two names in one organisation, they will go to the one given to both if update is not supplied to all.

You really do have to tell everyone. It might be worth making a list and going through it all again. Start with identity and money: passport, DVLA, tax office, pension provider, credit card, mortgage, insurances, premium bonds etc; then health - GP (again) hospital/s, optician, etc, then other memberships and recreation.

thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 10:03:25

Im not a traditional in any sense of the word. My Dad thought Id make DH change his surname... Haha. I think I need a waaaaaaahhhhhmbulance, a cuppa and some sleep.

MsVestibule Fri 25-Oct-13 10:04:24

So it's the hassle you've got to go through and their incompetence that you're frustrated at - fair enough! While you're sleep deprived and not well, why don't you just let it go for the moment and take your marriage certificate in when you're next there?

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 10:06:47

That is really horrible Khunzoop

Thursdays ignore her.

Yes it might be a small thing but if OP is unwell anyway this is just the sort of thing that can really get under your skin.

And I wonder if she would be getting this much of a pasting if she were complaining that she is called by her married name when she wants to retain her birth name?

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 10:07:45

Thursdays ignore her

Or him, sorry

futureforward Fri 25-Oct-13 10:11:02

YANBU, it's a nightmare. I still get correspondence from my employers addressed to Miss Maidenname, now that is definitely not on!!

I think it's easy not to realise how much hassle and effort will be involved in changing your name, say when you get married.
A list like meditrina has given might be useful to work through, or you can take a more gradual approach, but then have to accept some inconsistencies. I found it useful to realise it's OK to be using two names, or if anyone uses your "maiden" name it's still you!
I think I might recommend to dd not to bother with changing hers if she ever gets married - but equally understandable to want a (new) family name.

pianodoodle Fri 25-Oct-13 10:13:04

It's annoying if you have to keep telling them. I think if you're under the weather it's annoying you more than is necessary though smile

I changed mine on the important stuff. Orange mobile want me to send my marriage certificate... Meh, they aren't that important so I haven't bothered!

Trills Fri 25-Oct-13 10:29:43

YANBU to find it irritating if you have informed them of a name change and they are still calling you the wrong name.

YABU to cry about it, but it sounds as if you know that you are finding it more upsetting than is reasonable because of PMS and other stress.

At least they didn't just say "nope, you don't exist, bye", they did find you and get you an appointment grin

KhunZoop I like that, and I imagine it was intended in a friendly manner smile

KhunZhoop Fri 25-Oct-13 10:32:28

Becca> I'd have posted the exact same thing if it had been the opposite scenario too. In the grand scheme of things, crying because someone hasn't updated a database with a name change is worthy of needing to get some perspective.

I changed my name 30 years ago. Some places still have my birth name. I don't fucking cry into my tea about it.

KhunZhoop Fri 25-Oct-13 10:32:56

And yes, it was lighthearted, thank you, trills.

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 10:40:41

I'm not disputing that it was light hearted, just rather insensitive at the same time.

You do know what BPD is I take it?

I think some people might find it stranger or more un-settling than others to effectively have two names, or to feel someone is calling them by the wrong name because to them they changed it the day they got married.

I remember feeling slightly surprised/unsettled that our flights and hotel reservation was still in my maiden name when we went on honeymoon - but of course they would be if that's how I booked them. I think I thought it might all happen automatically - or I suppose that people would just accept it rather than several organisations wanting to see a marriage cert.
Seems a little naive now but I found it's something people don't really explain to you. A classic thing you'd need to ask MN about ?!

If you change a few key things - bank, passport, driving license - then these can be used to show you are now using your married name.
Though don't think I've changed driving license yet blush

KhunZhoop Fri 25-Oct-13 10:50:22

Becca> biscuit

xCupidStuntx Fri 25-Oct-13 10:59:51

Ah jaysis I can see why it would be mildly irritating but crying over it?!
However, I totally sympathise with the PMS element because I suffer SEVERELY and have gone on a few totally uncalled for rants myself.
Calm yourself and breath!

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 11:04:09

My first ever biscuit, thank you Khunzoop

Not too sure what I've done to deserve it, other than disagree with you, and to support someone who seemed to be in need of it but even so....

I wouldn't worry about that either Becca. Just enjoy it with a nice brew ?

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 11:10:14

Juggling Lovely, thank you! Care to join me Thursdays?

meddie Fri 25-Oct-13 11:16:50

You know yabu to be upset but if youre in the middle of a menstrual meltdown then you have my sympathies. My DD gets them bad and once sobbed for 2hours because there wasnt a spoon in the drwaer for her breakfast, as her brother had used the last one.
Do you have any emergency chocolate?

Mim78 Fri 25-Oct-13 11:18:26

YANBU to ask them to call you by the name you have chosen.

But as others have said people will make mistakes and computer systems get things wrong. Probably better that they have failed to change name than address because at least you will still get all communications.

Don't worry about it though - you just need to keep telling them. Would be unfair if they were for some reason annoyed with you, but doesn't sound like that's the case.

CoffeeTea103 Fri 25-Oct-13 11:18:51

Please get back to the real world where stuff like this is insignificant compares to the real issues you can face.

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 11:21:11

Could I just ever so gently point/repeat out that PMS (horrific though that is , iirc) is not the only condition that the OP has mentioned.

cake

HexU Fri 25-Oct-13 11:22:51

Put it in writing again to the practice manager - state they have been informed of this several times since August ask them to ensure your medical records are updated.

I remember being very surprised how hard it all was to change my name upon marriage. I expect to have to inform people in writing with copies of marriage certificate - in fact got several extra copies cause I'd understood it would be an issue.

I didn't expect to have to inform the same people multiple times - or to have to insist on getting marriage certificate back from some and not them them keep it for 'their' records.

But there you are - once they get it right though that's it.

NotYoMomma Fri 25-Oct-13 11:23:07

I would just check it has changed across the different services etc

I didnt change my driving licence for 5 years oops!

mimsythemoocher Fri 25-Oct-13 11:32:41

Weirdly, my doctors now refers to me as "Miss Marriedname"...

KoPo Fri 25-Oct-13 11:43:50

Is it really so unimportant to the OP?

Some of the posters telling her its no big deal are the same posters who get the rage when a woman who has decided not to change her name with marriage is called by her husbands surname?

It is a big deal to the OP ( who has my complete symapathy for felling yucky if PMS is an issue) who has let the organisations in question know and still they use the wrong name.

I know on mumsnet it is considered by some to be uncool and very wrong to change your name with marriage. But we all have to realise that that is the way the OP has chosen to do things.

Dobbiesmum Fri 25-Oct-13 11:45:16

I still get post addressed to Miss maiden name, and I celebrate my 11th wedding anniversary next month grin
Changing your Surname is a total PITA and had I realised I would have probably kept my maiden name, as son as you think you've covered everything up pops something else and frankly I cannot be arsed to change every single sodding mailing list I appear to be on so I let it go. The surgery really does need to get it sorted though, I think it could cause problems if your details don't exactly match up.

YANBU. Chocolate and bed maybe? I am on the verge of a PMS meltdown myself so full sympathies to you x

NotYoMomma Fri 25-Oct-13 11:54:22

actually most responses seem to be from people who have also changed their name.

crying is a bit of an extreme reaction tbf

I would ring up and kick off OP, I needed to take id into my drs twice once for proof of address (I hadnt moved!) and once for the name change

annoying, but just get them told

Ginnytonic82 Fri 25-Oct-13 12:34:15

I got married last year and still can't get the hang of my new name. At appointments people say "Mrs Tonic" and I'm sat there thinking who the heck is that?

Try not to let it upset you, paperwork handover and changes take a long time, the AA still call me by my maiden name. When you feel stressed, try to remember your wonderful day.

thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 13:05:08

Thanks to all for supportive mesaages.

As for getting some perspective on "real" things... I have BPD, thats real enough for me, do some research before telling me Im a drama queen. Considering that 8 days ago it was the anniversary of the death of a child in the family (husbands 4 week old from previous relationship) I think I have enough real trauma in my life, thanks. (Not to mention the PTSD and abusive childhood with a druggie mother) I could say more but I think I will leave it there.

Will ask receptionist at GPs when I get there and go down the list and double check.

thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 13:07:12

Im also gonna head up the Mozzas bakery aisle on the way home.. Get me some cake. All to myself.

SatinSandals Fri 25-Oct-13 13:09:39

It is even more irritating when they can't spell your name correctly after more than 20 years!

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 13:11:01

Good on ya Thursdays . I say again (because I am a glimmering ol' biddy at the age where I keep repeating myself) I am somewhat shocked at the staggering lack of empathy shown by some posters mainly those who hadn't read your posts properly

Take care

As you say, you have enough real trauma in your life, surely you shouldn't need other people to point out how completely unimportant this is.

I am not married, wouldn't change my name if I was, and I still sometimes get "Mrs [DP's surname]". I couldn't give a sod.

thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 13:27:37

Its concerning because its my medical records. Don't want them getting lost or not merged with my new name. Itd be a disaster. I said earlier am also PMSing (I too have been known to cry for 2 hours over a spoon/pen etc) Thanks Becca. Ive noticed it a fair bit recently so Id gone back to lurking and not posting.

Kundry Fri 25-Oct-13 13:32:11

Hospital probably won't update just on your GP's say so. You will need to tell them separately from telling your GP.

I got married over a year ago. I suspect I'll just about have finished the name change process by the time we have our ruby wedding anniversary. Name change is a nightmare, you haven't finished yet!

HexU Fri 25-Oct-13 13:38:37

I'd tell them that in writing - more likely IME to mean end to matter - as your right mixed up medical records not a good idea.

It is very frustrating, especially when you dealing with other stuff, to find out that something you thought sorted isn't.

It can also be the straw the breaks the camels back.

I remember once crying at the dishwasher filter not coming out - but I had 3 young DC and was massively sleep deprived, unhelpful family and a very ill DH at the time and a neighbor trying to pick a fight and nasty phone call from DH then boss. It was the final sucky thing that tipped me over. Not my finest moment but still.

HexU Fri 25-Oct-13 13:40:26

Kundry right if your currently undergoing treatment - telling the people at the hospital in writing that your name changed wold probably aid matters.

specialsubject Fri 25-Oct-13 14:08:04

the biscuit is for crying over a trivial admin issue. May this be the worst thing that ever happens to you.

You'll be able to sort it out. Name changing does make a lot of work, but you volunteered for it.

Hey, I'm with Becca, go gently folks
OP says she usually lurks but de-lurked to talk about this.
Can't we make it a bit less personal and talk about the significant hassles of changing your name with any tips that might help her? Or even why you didn't change yours.
But not the "haven't you got anything better to worry about" stuff ?

Bubbles1066 Fri 25-Oct-13 14:20:36

When I changed my name at the doctors they changed my surname not title so I was Miss x and became
Miss y. I just left it. The bank changed it twice (I was mrs x mrs x on letters for a while) and orange spelled both my old and new names wrong. All of it had to be sorted out. So I get why you're annoyed but don't get upset. Not worth it. Orange to this day have an extra H in my name.

bittapitta Fri 25-Oct-13 14:20:51

When I changed my name I wrote to the PCT they sent a new NHS card. I don't think telling your GP is enough.

MurderOfBanshees Fri 25-Oct-13 14:23:21

My bank was like this, weirdly they changed my name on some bits of the system but not others. Very frustrating. Meant lots of fun conversations on the phone, even had one person ask me how I didn't know which name I was registered under, like it was me who hadn't updated the system.

Talkinpeace Fri 25-Oct-13 14:34:40

I use both my names.
I have bank accounts in both, passports in both, CRB checks in both, charity commission and companies house records in both
my tax records and NHS records are in one, dental records in the other
its part of who I am ornery

chillax - pick your battles

This is meant in the nicest possible way - if you are feeling incredibly vulnerable and likely to take extreme offence at any telling you YABU, probably best not to post in AIBU. There are other, more supportive forums.

Especially when the particular issue you've picked up on is really not important. There is no hint that anyone has mixed up your medical records, indeed you say that the GP knew who you were even though they had not updated your name.

Not really a good idea to ask if YABU and then when people say "yes you are" to start citing all the genuine traumas in your life.

Also probably a good idea to get some perspective on this, or you'll end up taking it out on someone who really doesn't deserve it, like your GP's receptionist or someone at Morrisons checkout.

thursdaysgirls Fri 25-Oct-13 14:50:41

Urgh specialsubject what a troll thing to say.

Yes Im a total princess with a silver spoon crying over spilt milk. Not like the worst part of my life was losing my son when I was 19 and spending time in a psychiatric ward was the worst time of my life, I clearly know nothing about trauma and hardship.

Let's not turn this into a "my life is worse than yours" thread when it was a mini rant and advice seeking OP.

Thanks for the tips folks. By the time Ive changed my name I'll be 53 and filing for divorce hahaha. Guess I know how I will be spending Monday morning grin

ColderThanAWitchsTitty Fri 25-Oct-13 14:56:48

It's incredibly irritating (and concerning) when people in positions of trust with your private information can't get so much as your basic name correct.

Please don't feel the need to "prove" that your life is shit OP by listing what's gone on. We've all had shit (even those with "charmed" lives) and I'm sure specialist knows that..yours isn't the first thread she has posted that on.

If everyone only ever posted the really horrible shit happening to them I'd have to stay of mumsnet for fear of falling in to a black hole of despair.

dexter73 Fri 25-Oct-13 15:04:13

Actually I don't think you are being unreasonable. It is important for them to have your correct details and if they can't get it right after 6 attempts then that is pretty useless.

Beastofburden Fri 25-Oct-13 15:49:47

Oh well.

I use Mrs Beast with my MIL and at my DH's work if I am there socially- and the GP I think.

I use Ms Previous at my work and on FB and with lots of our friends, and so forth.

I seem to have bank accounts in both names. I have only been married since 1990 so I guess it would be U to expect them to be updated.

The only thing I dont like is being called Mrs Previous. That's my mother's name.

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 15:59:52

Not really a good idea to ask if YABU and then when people say "yes you are" to start citing all the genuine traumas in your life.

Normally I would absolutely agree the point is that Thursdays was upfront about this very early on mentioning not only PMS but BPD and in fact after relatively few people had said she was BU....it's just that people didn't notice (or chose not to)

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 16:01:06

Witch'stitty has got in bang on thlgrin

Beccagain Fri 25-Oct-13 16:02:41

got it bang on thlblush

Dobbiesmum Fri 25-Oct-13 16:05:51

When you change your name with the GP it goes on the database so it should cover everything medical, it can be done in a very short space of time. On a couple of occasions we did a name change straight away because the patient needed referring that day. Unless the hospital referral crossed with you changing your name you may need to get onto them yourself.

Bowlersarm Fri 25-Oct-13 16:10:08

It took ten years for me to totally change my name over so it wasn't an issue for me.

However it is important to you, so YAdNBU to be annoyed. Just keep persevering and try not to let it get to you.

Talkinpeace Fri 25-Oct-13 16:17:29

Miss Talk - OK, thats my work name
Mrs Peace - Ok, thats my family name
Ms Talk or Ms Peace - if they insist
Mrs Talk or Mr Talk = scammer
but the one that really, really gets my goats is my ***** mother calling me by DHs initial

Beastofburden Fri 25-Oct-13 16:19:00

but surely your records wont get muddled up- you have an NHS number??

AnyoneforTurps Fri 25-Oct-13 16:31:51

When you change your name with the GP it goes on the database so it should cover everything medical

No it doesn't (I'm a GP).

Blokescantbuypressies Fri 25-Oct-13 16:36:31

I once phoned my wife's office:

"Please can I speak to MaidenName?"
"Sorry, I don't think anyone by that name works here."
"Er, yes they do. MaidenName?"
"No, sorry, there's noone by that name here."
pause
"Er, I meant MarriedName."
"Oh, OK, I'll put you through. Who shall I say is calling?"
pause
"Er . . . her husband."

This was about five years after we got married and she had never been known by her maiden name at that company.

I should have hung up.

Jan49 Fri 25-Oct-13 16:43:38

I'm irritated that my new doctor's surgery has put me down as Mrs even though I completed a form saying Ms and have never used Mrs in my life (I'm divorced). My previous doctor's also called me Mrs in error. And I know it's trivial but it's really annoying too. I've had 2 letters and 3 texts so far from the new surgery, all including my full name and title and Mrs. Grr.

Kundry Fri 25-Oct-13 17:05:16

It's much easy in Germany where everyone is Frau. No Mrs/Miss/Ms.

I just booked on Lufthansa - they give you the option of Mr or Ms as title.

If only the UK could have gone the same way.

Dobbiesmum Fri 25-Oct-13 18:11:30

Anyoneforturps it doesn't? blush apologies! ignore me OP, I was telling you what my dozy old boot of a practice manager told me.

BasketzatDawn Fri 25-Oct-13 18:13:02

Be joyful, OP. Today is now Friday. You could change your user name on MN too.smile

BasketzatDawn Fri 25-Oct-13 18:19:09

Jan49, it's taken me over a decade to sort out the same problem. Just got myself changed to Ms instead of Mrs. Such a trivial problem I almost felt embarrassed at wasting their time, but I did fill the form as Ms when we moved here. It bothered MrnotBasketz more than it bothered me, and all the little Basketz have his name. This probably means all the HPs in town think I am bringing up some other woman's DC and no wonder I AM SO frazzled all the time. grin

sashh Fri 25-Oct-13 18:25:27

Its concerning because its my medical records. Don't want them getting lost or not merged with my new name. Itd be a disaster.

Which is possibly why they have not changed it on the GP system yet, because they are waiting for results to come through and they are coming through in your old name.

Write a nice letter that you can mailmerge and include a copy of your marriage certificate and send it to everyone on meditrina's list.

What is particularly good about her list is she has arranged it in groups.

It also might cheer you to know that often there is only so much someone can do and certain things have to done by a manager or someone with authority. This is so that a medical student on a 2 week placement can't accidentally change half the names at the GP's surgery.

BasketzatDawn Fri 25-Oct-13 18:32:34

Yes, sash, acc to my GP, it's a job for the 'girls'. I think he meant the admin staff rather than the female GPs? grin

FreeWoooooooo Fri 25-Oct-13 18:39:27

I'm legally called Elizabeth (not my real name) but have always been known as Libby. I changed it by deed poll to Libby and told my GP, including them photocopying the deed poll. The receptionist was a but put out saying 'it's a big of a pain can you not just stick with Elizabeth?' Well if I was happy with Elizabeth I wouldn't gave gone to all the cost and bother of changing my name legally!

I then get a letter to Elizabeth Free from my surgery. I was not happy and told the branch manager so. I was most unimpressed with the lazy receptionist because I'd gone to the effort of taking my deed poll certificate down. OP YANBU. If it matters to you enough to go to the effort of taking your certificate down, it should matter to the surgery that they address their 'customers' as they wish to be addressed.

FreeWoooo "it should matter to the surgery that they address their 'customers' as they wish to be addressed."

That's kind of the crux of it though, isn't it? We are not customers . We are patients. This is the NHS. We're not paying for a service meaning that it's reasonable to gripe about every aspect of it.

Of course we can expect medical issues, confidentiality etc. to be treated properly, but when it comes to trivial admin issues, do you really think that 'lazy receptionists' have nothing more important to do than worry about whether you're called 'Elizabeth' or 'Libby'? They deal in life and death every day. It's one thing to request a name change but this entitled 'I am a customer, you'd better serve me right' attitude is really off.

When my daughter was born, the person at the hospital who did the birth notification got her sex wrong and I was given a red book, stickers for blood tests, etc. which all said MALE. It was very, very difficult to change that and caused all manner of problems with health visitors, registering birth etc. I moved house the same week and had all sorts of other stresses that come with having your first baby. But it mattered not one bit compared to the fact that she'd been born safely, in a clean environment with skilled, sympathetic midwives. What I'm saying is, the NHS has more important things to get right than making sure everyone is addressed in exactly the way they wish.

Coupon Fri 25-Oct-13 20:10:36

I can see your point OP. After all if they can't even get the small things right, it's no wonder they also get so many important things wrong throughout the NHS.

Beastofburden Fri 25-Oct-13 20:12:32

I agree with heart 100% on this.

pinkyredrose Sat 26-Oct-13 12:31:53

heart you don't think it's a big deal if the NHS gets someones name wrong?

pinkyredrose Sat 26-Oct-13 12:33:06

What if the NHS need to notify next of kin in the case of administering medical treatment? It could matter a lot then?

Beastofburden Sat 26-Oct-13 13:02:49

The NHS will check identity by more than what is someone's preferred first name or most recent surname. They will have your address, contact details and national insurance number and your NHs hospital number.

The idea that they might get confused if they have more than one Betty and ring the wrong next of kin grin.

Coupon Sat 26-Oct-13 13:08:33

> We're not paying for a service meaning that it's reasonable to gripe about every aspect of it.

We do pay for the NHS via our taxes.

ColderThanAWitchsTitty Sun 27-Oct-13 01:22:16

Do people really think the NHS is free?

Thatisall Sun 27-Oct-13 01:29:01

thursdays it pisses me off too. I can't explain why it matters so much, I just don't know. I think it's because I love my married name, I love being mrs and it was such a big deal for me to change it. When people don't use it it sometimes feels like they're overlooking my decision.

Have a cry. You're very tired and hormoney from the sound of it. And I don't know what the deleted comment said but ignore peo

Thatisall Sun 27-Oct-13 01:29:28

Why do I keep posting too early???

Caitlin17 Sun 27-Oct-13 04:02:44

I don't understand why anyone would change their name. I didn't change my name on anything.

Caitlin17 Sun 27-Oct-13 04:06:12

I misread your post. I thought it was a complaint about not being able to use your maiden name. I literally cannot understand why anyone would prefer to be called ",Mrs"

I think people should take more care to use people's names correctly.

It's common manners.

differentnameforthis Sun 27-Oct-13 09:51:52

Why can't people be nice? Do we have to be so rude & hurtful on here all the time?

You don't know what op has gone through, why she is so upset, yet people wade in & be rude, uncaring & insult her. Not nice people!

fanjofarrow Sun 27-Oct-13 09:56:20

I'd never change my name and cringe at the thought of being addressed as ''Mrs''. However, if that's what the OP prefers, then fair enough! It's not a personal choice I'd make, but it's still a personal choice.

differentnameforthis Sun 27-Oct-13 09:58:31

crying because someone hasn't updated a database with a name change is worthy of needing to get some perspective.

Or a different perspective

crying because someone hasn't updated a database with a name change could well be the result of much more than the op is telling us, so perhaps we could be a little more gentle & understanding?

Op says she's been there six times with the proof
I would be raging by this point. It's a hassle going to the doctors anyway I suspect the op has enough on her plate not to keep going there when she seems to be ignored anyway.
The very fact that the op has hospital appointments gives a hint that all is not well so she probably doesn't need comments about how if this is the only problem she has...

threestars Sun 27-Oct-13 10:18:33

The GP admin system is not linked up with the hospital system, so you need to tell the hospital separately. It's not difficult for them to do it, but they won't know unless told by you and they don't need a marriage certificate or anything.
Also, don't forget to update your next-of-kin details. I once worked in hospital admin (on a female ward) and made sure I asked patients to check those details - very often they would still have ex-husbands down and shuddered to think they'd be contacted in case of emergency.

Harsh comments on here - she's only upset, I can understand that.

It is frustrating - I have the same issue the opposite way around, with banks constantly reverting me to 'Mrs LRD' when they've been told I'm not Mrs LRD.

It is basically discourteous when people use the wrong name. In this situation, they have no excuse - you've been in, you've told them, they should bloody get their act together.

FreeWoooooooo Sun 27-Oct-13 14:04:26

heartisaspade I'm afraid I disagree that we shouldn't be seen as 'customers' which is why I used that term rather than patients and used ' ' to emphasise it. Just because we don't pay for the NHS at point of entry doesn't mean we shouldn't expect to receive a satisfactory service. We do pay for it through our taxes but to me that is beside the point; something that is free should still be satisfactory. If the OP wants to be called a certain name that is her right as a customer of the NHS. There are many people on this thread who (I think unfairly) are saying the OP should have bigger things to worry about and you echo this by saying the receptionist is too busy dealing with more important things than my name change. Important to who? Bigger things to worry about by whose standards? If the OP is in tears over something, telling her to 'get over it' or 'there's worse things that could be happening' is not helpful.

I am not a customer of Ryanair because they treat their passengers appalling, in my opinion. I don't have a choice with the NHS, they have a monopoly on GPs (and before anyone tells me you can get a private doctor to give you a private prescription a) why would I when I've paid for the NHS? b) my surgery is more convenient and 99% of the time is satisfactory) The NHS needs to wake up and realise just because they've always done things their way doesn't mean to say it's the right way. Councils are the same. As a public sector employee I've seen from the inside the dreadful way they treat their customers because their customers don't have a real choice over who does their child's school admission or who collects their council tax. Public sector employees have for too long got away with poor customer service. Why do they have such a bad reputation if there wasn't a grain if truth in that statement? Why are there regularly threads on MN complaining about GPs receptionists? Presumably because they don't provide a satisfactory service to a significant minority.

Before I get flamed for public sector bashing it is by no means all public sector employees and the vast majority go into the sector with great intentions and self sacrifice to serve their customers. The same with GPs receptionists. The one at my current surgery is fantastic. My DD and I feel really part of the surgery and she bends over backwards to accommodate us when necessary. However, if I take the time to ask for a name change, regardless of the other things the person has to do, it is respectful and courteous to carry out my wish. In the OPs example, she's changed her name with the bank etc and despite their important job of keeping billions of pounds of people's money safe, they've still managed to update her records with her new name. We are all customers and actually I don't think it's entitled to be provided with a satisfactory service. I'm not talking gold standard roll out the red carpet but a simple (heart would say trivial, I disagree with that term) admin change is actually no more than a customer deserves.

Well said Wooooo
The NHS, though of course bloody marvellous, could be better in many ways.
And that's from someone who's been a nurse as well as a patient & visitor, (and chaplaincy ward visitor)

FreeWoooo "There are many people on this thread who (I think unfairly) are saying the OP should have bigger things to worry about and you echo this by saying the receptionist is too busy dealing with more important things than my name change. Important to who? Bigger things to worry about by whose standards?"

Are you honestly saying that there are no objective standards by which some things that doctors deal with are more important, and some more trivial, than others? That it's all subjective?

Find me the person who would rather the GP got their name right, and their blood test results wrong.

Or who would rather the receptionist was checking everyone's marital status was entered correctly on their records, rather than answering the phone to people with medical emergencies.

As for your general point about the word 'customers', god i HATE this. I think this attitude makes everything far worse. I don't want my council or my GP surgery treating me as a 'customer', putting in premium rate phone numbers, requiring me to go through endless menus to speak to someone in a call centre, asking me to rate their service, blah blah.

My council has just been pretty much privatized, sold off to the highest (or perhaps lowest) bidder, so we now have private companies dealing with our rubbish, recycling, planning, everything. It's bloody awful. Private companies are bloody awful at dealing with things as anyone who has ever had to deal with a mobile phone company, utility company, electrical goods store, etc. etc. will know.

they are huge messes of management structures, dishonest dealings, cover-ups, venal, lying profit-mongers and treating their 'customers' like crap. I really could do without the NHS trying to follow their example.

gintastic Mon 28-Oct-13 22:12:36

My full legal first name is one that 99.9% of the time is a male name (cheers Mum!). When I got to university, they had me down as Mr Gin Tastic, which I promptly wrote, with birth certificate, to get changed. They acknowledged it. 11 times over the next 4 years, I rewrote to them to try and change it and each time they said it had been done. I got a letter shortly after graduation congratulating me on my 1st Class Honours addresses to Mr Gin Tastic. I was v v v not amused at this point. Luckily, certificate just says Gin Tastic, with no title...

But it's not the GP's who keep the records really is it, it's the receptionists/admin bods. And from what I can see they have plenty of time in between greeting patients (with such a warm smile - sorry our surgery could do better) and answering the phone (half hour window only) when they could be updating any records - such as from someone going in six times with her marriage cert to check she is registered in her new married name?
I mean, you'd think they might remember that?

FreeWoooooooo Wed 30-Oct-13 17:55:47

heartisaspade what I'm saying is that if it matters to the OP pointing out stuff like "well would you rather they got your blood tests right or your name right?" isn't particularly helpful to someone with bipolar. Actually I don't think it's too much to ask that they get both things right. And some might say if they can't get the small stuff like name changes right, who's to say they get the blood test results right? In fact, how can the OP even be sure they're her test results if they don't submit them in the name she gave them or they might not release them to her over the phone because there's confusion over her identity?

Councils have had to trade services rather than provide their own because (in my experience in my local council) the services were badly run under public sector leadership and weren't meeting customer needs. So they are now traded, i.e. the council commissions an outside, possibly private often not for profit, company to provide the service. The council still has responsibility for meeting the customer needs and if the company they've commissioned doesn't meet targets then the contract can be withdrawn. So we haven't really privatised our council services, they're just being provided through an externally commissioned contract rather than internally commissioned. And often the performance measures required by the contracts include customer satisfaction levels. I am a bit fan of being asked to rate services because I know (because it's me doing it!) that the data is analysed to provide better services in future and used in the tendering process of new contracts.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Wed 30-Oct-13 19:28:10

In this case, it's just a change of name after a marriage.

I know of someone who went through a lot, she changed her name and 300 miles away in hope her ex could never trace her. A simple thing like a GP or bank not changing her name and having a letter posted to her would had made her a nervous wreck.

GobbolinoCat Wed 30-Oct-13 19:29:14

I just take it as a given now that people have not changed me over, esp the dentist.

AnyFuckerReporting Wed 30-Oct-13 19:40:12

I got married in July and am having the same problems grin.

I feel almost embarrassed to correct people as it isn't really a big deal but it matters to me iykwim.

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