I gave my friend armfuls of clothes as she had started a new job and had nothing smart to wear

(152 Posts)
redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 20:20:50

She was made redundant and it took nearly a year for her to find a new job. Her new position needed her to look smart and I let her raid my wardrobe for suitable clothes and shoes.

The clothes she took with my blessing were LK Bennett, Mulberry, Hobbs etc and I wished her well in her new job.

She told me yesterday she had sold the lot on Ebay for £500+

I gave her the clothes to WEAR not flog. I was made redundant earlier this year and I know how it feels but found work quite quickly (with a massive pay cut).

Ermmm I could have sold them! AIBU? confused Should I ask for 50% of the sale?

havingastress Wed 23-Oct-13 20:22:15

That's awful. Genuinely shocked shock

She's no friend!

I would definitely let her know how you feel.

CoffeeTea103 Wed 23-Oct-13 20:22:44

You did give it to her so I guess it was hers to do with whatever she chooses.

ArlingtonStringham Wed 23-Oct-13 20:23:14

Wow - she actually told you?!!!! Serious cheek

ssd Wed 23-Oct-13 20:23:36

good grief shock

What did you say when she told you she had sold them?

Massively rude on her part.

WooWooOwl Wed 23-Oct-13 20:24:12

I wouldn't ask her for the money, but I'd have to tell her that I was pissed off with her actions. Whether the friendship continued would depend on her reaction to my annoyance.

bundaberg Wed 23-Oct-13 20:24:28

omg how rude!

cees Wed 23-Oct-13 20:24:38

Did you give her the clothes to keep or borrow?

gamerchick Wed 23-Oct-13 20:25:12

As she actually chose the clothes from your wardrobe.. I would ask. Then tell her you'll never be helping her out like that again.

bimbabirba Wed 23-Oct-13 20:25:34

That's just wrong. Morally they were not hers to sell, only to wear. I would be fuming and would break the friendship

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 23-Oct-13 20:25:54

I think she's taking the piss. You gave her those clothes to help her get back on her feet not for her to sell.

Lamu Wed 23-Oct-13 20:26:16

YANBU

Did you give them or lend them to her? If you gave them to her then surely you can't complain what she does with them.

lisad123everybodydancenow Wed 23-Oct-13 20:26:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doggydaft Wed 23-Oct-13 20:27:23

I would be absolutely furious at any friend ( using the term very loosely) who did this.
There is no way I would be able to brush this of without making my feelings very clear.
This would be a friendship ended for me unless there were extremely mitigating circumstances sad

DevilsRoulette Wed 23-Oct-13 20:27:46

Is it possible that she used the money to buy other clothes?

I think that once you have given someone something, that's the end of your right to it or involvement with it (unless at the time of giving it you gave conditions), from that point on it is their property, to do with as they please. But even though I know that logically, I'd still have the huff on and have to say something! It's not in the spirit of the gift, is it?

cees Wed 23-Oct-13 20:27:51

Even if you did give them to her, she was wrong to sell them instead of offering them back.

So YANBU

raisah Wed 23-Oct-13 20:28:11

The mercenary cow. Ask for 50% of the profits.
The key thing is did you lend her the clothes or give it to her to keep? If the former, then she had no right to sell without your permission so you are entitled to ask for 50% if not all of the profits.

KittyMcFumble Wed 23-Oct-13 20:28:13

That's really churlish of your friend to sell the clothes but she should have had the sense to keep her gob shut about it. What a cheek!
Are you going to tell her you're v pissed off with her?
If one of my friends did that to me I wouldn't give them the steam off my piss in the future!

SeaSickSal Wed 23-Oct-13 20:31:47

A friend did this to me once. It was an apple mac I gave him. He was unemployed and said he needed it for his writing and sold it straight away. If he had told me he was going to sell it I wouldn't have minded, if he had perhaps given me some sort of token amount from the sale.

If I was you I would ask her for half the money on point of principle. She should have asked you if it would be okay to sell.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 23-Oct-13 20:32:51

You should ask her for half the money.

Corygal Wed 23-Oct-13 20:34:48

I frequently give clothes like this away, cracking stuff - and to be honest, I wouldn't mind that much if it were a really close friend and she's gone off them. I might be proud of them for making 500 quid, in fact.

But I would be absolutely horrified if I thought I was helping out someone in trouble and realised they were out to make money from my kindness -the fact she chose the stuff suggests the latter scenario.

I'd ask for some of the money. Yep, really - what have you got to lose?

29chapel Wed 23-Oct-13 20:35:19

she is profiteering from your generosity. I would ask for the money.

gamerchick Wed 23-Oct-13 20:38:45

If it was just a bag of clothes I had sorted out then I probably wouldn't care. But if somebody picked through my wardrobe and chose the clothes and then sold them I would be really pissed off about it. It's the actually saying something that I can't believe. Quite cheeky.

What did you say to her then OP?

HelloBoys Wed 23-Oct-13 20:38:57

Ask for some of the money.

I think she was being bloody cheeky but then again you gave her free rein.

Did you say you didn't want them/planned to Ebay them etc? Maybe she feels you have a lot of nice things (clothes etc) so it doesn't matter so much e.g. you can afford it if she sells them. Hence her telling you she sold them.

I've had stuff I didn't want - that I may have given away to close friend/charity shop that was naice e.g. Karen Millen, Miu Miu, Chloe etc but I've either Ebayed/charity shop or given to friend. where they go from then on up to them.

Hope you get this sorted though as it's really riled you.

Supergeek Wed 23-Oct-13 20:39:52

That is shockingly rude. I would be seriously pissed off with any friend who did that. They were a gift to help her out, not profit from. How cheeky.

redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 20:40:17

Good point that I gave them to her so they are hers to do what she wishes. I have 'leant' her clothes, bags and jewellery before and got them back.

Lesson learnt I guess but I am a little angry but very hurt. The Mulberry clothing upset me and thank god I didn't give her my handbags and vintage stuff.

As I said upthread I was made redundant but now work in a wonderful job that does not require smart clothes.

Ok Redruby cowboy up and move on. Get some bricks, build a bridge and get over it. It is only a few outfits.....................but a massive betrayal of 'trust' or 'friendship' or 'generosity' ?

bimbabirba Wed 23-Oct-13 20:40:41

It would be different if they were supermarket clothes with no resale value. You just don't put designers clothes on Ebay before asking the person who's given them if they want them back

PurpleCrazyHorse Wed 23-Oct-13 20:45:25

I'd be annoyed at how quickly it appears they were sold. If she'd worn them for ages and then sold them, it would be a bit different. However it sounds like she took the stuff with a high resell value and sold it straight away. That's shocking.

Personally, I'd not be offering her anything else.

Op, rethink the friendship.

I would suggest coffee where you express that you were hurt/surprised at her selling them. Was there time between two actions? Did she enhale Cadbury and no longer fit so sold?

I'd be right miffed. In my book not on. She should have given back, offered back or mentioned might sell did you want something back.

If you can't ask/talk then it's not a deep friendship so avoid situation again.

Retroformica Wed 23-Oct-13 20:49:24

She should give you all the money

HelloBoys Wed 23-Oct-13 20:50:14

OP I've got a Q - suppose you'd never found out what happened e.g. been sold etc.

would you then be annoyed that she hadn't told you? what do you seriously think she was saying/gaining by telling you of the Ebaying and the profiteering? Did she sound sneery/didn't want your cast offs etc or was she genuinely pleased she'd sold some nice clothes for a profit and wanted to share the good news with you?

If it's sneery and cast-off charity dislike of you from her then you have a problem. I'd maybe not trust her more but TELL her why you're upset. don't NOT talk to her. If she was pleased she'd made a profit, didn't think you'd mind etc then also TALK to her about it, ASK her etc.

I do not understand why more people don't talk re this.

of course you can ignore all my advice and that's that. smile

HelloBoys Wed 23-Oct-13 20:50:50

Minnie - seems you and I are on similar page re this. smile

ThePinkOcelot Wed 23-Oct-13 20:51:52

That is shocking. I would not be impressed at all! What a cheek.

CoffeeTea103 Wed 23-Oct-13 20:54:42

It could be that she realized after that' she could sell the clothes, buy cheaper stuff and then use the money for something else. You said she wasn't working so maybe she needed the money. If she was sneaky then she wouldn't have told you how else would you have found out. She did tell you though, rather tell her how you feel.

IHaveA Wed 23-Oct-13 20:56:43

I would ask her for AT LEAST half the profit. That is more than reasonable of you. If you don't ask her you will never be able to forget it and it will bug you forever ...

ElBombero Wed 23-Oct-13 20:58:46

Oh my fucking god! I would be fuming. What was your reaction? I would ask for more than 50%. Cheeky cow shock

BrianTheMole Wed 23-Oct-13 21:00:11

She should give you the money. How rude of her to do that, esp as you were doing her a favor. You could have sold them yourself.

redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 21:00:14

Helloboys and Minnie

If I thought she was going to flog them I would have leant them to her. I 'gave' them to help her out with a new job where she needed to look smart.
As I said upthread I have 'leant' her clothes such as cocktail dresses, jewellery, bags and shoes for special events. If I were mercenary I would have 'rented' them for a deposit. She has never 'sneered' at wearing my 'cast offs'. I am not wealthy but buy clothes that I consider 'classic' and will not date.

My thirteen year old god-daughter raids my wardrobe for vintage clothes. I lend them to her.

Awomansworth Wed 23-Oct-13 21:01:00

I would not be impressed if one of my friends did this, you clearly gave her the clothes for her new job and if she didn't like them she should have declined your generous offer, not see it as an opportunity to make a quick buck.

I would have been very clear how unhappy I was with her actions, and be cooling off the friendship.

Jinty64 Wed 23-Oct-13 21:01:23

I give all my ds3's clothes to a friend for her younger ds. Some of it is really good stuff joules, gap etc and ds3 is not hard on clothes so most of it is like new. once her ds has outgrown it I am happy for her to pass it on or sell it as it has been given not lent however I would not expect her to sell it as soon as she got it and if she did it would be the last she got from me.

I wouldn't ask for money I would end the friendship.

ZenNudist Wed 23-Oct-13 21:02:47

Yes it's an awful grabby thing to do. I'm gobsmacked you gave then her in the first place. I assume you are very well off & have tons of beautiful stuff?

But once given then I guess they are hers to do with as she wishes. A couple of outfits might buy a new selection that are more her taste if not the designer brand.

You were happy to lose the clothes, I can see its an insult to your taste & generosity. Just chalk it up to experience. Being so generous can often have its downside. I hope you don't let people take advantage of you often, it's a bad habit to be in!!

PinkStarStuck Wed 23-Oct-13 21:05:24

£500+? or do you know the exact amount? Do you think she got a fair price or just sold them cheap for an easy sale and some quick cash?

Personally I would be really hurt, I gave some suits to a friend who had just qualified and it really set her up, if she had sold the suits she wouldn't have been able to buy that quality again new.

Batmam Wed 23-Oct-13 21:08:18

Omfg I'd be fuming.

But OP please answer the Q everybody else has asked...what did you say to her when she told you?!?

slothlike Wed 23-Oct-13 21:11:48

Wow. Even if you did give rather than lend, it should be obvious that it's not on to go selling them afterwards - it's not about the technicalities, it's about what's normal and appropriate! I wouldn't blame you for asking for a good share of that money, if not all of it.

redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 21:15:08

Pinkstarstruck

A mint condition Mulberry waistcoat made £85. I bought it in 1990.

Op then I'm definitely very sorry. She a bee-atch. A big buzzy annoying needs crushing kind of way.

Wish if known you when I'd needed smarts!

£500 won't get her far though. Barely to month end. Either she's mercenary or desperate....

Sorry, mulberry not to taste?!?!

My flabber is gasted....

hermioneweasley Wed 23-Oct-13 21:21:17

IMO the "done" thing if you are finished with stuff that you've been given in bulk is to ask the giver what they'd like you to do with it. Whenever I give kids clothes and baby equipment, people have always asked what I'd like them to do when they've finished with it.

It was quite clear that your intent was to help set her up with some smart clothes, not to give her things which she coukd sell.

I would tell her that you feel taken advantage of and see what she says.

candycoatedwaterdrops Wed 23-Oct-13 21:21:49

She is not a friend. Ditch her ASAP!

P.S. can I come over to raid your wardrobe please? grin

redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 21:59:11

I will need a long and quiet think to sort out what to say. She is a long standing friend and has been there when I needed her and vice versa.

Ok she obviously needed the money on the first hand.
Maybe the clothes weren't to her taste - but she selected them
I am not well off but they were just sitting in my wardrobe unworn
I am upset she flogged them
There are a few items I should not have let go

I am soo glad that I only leant her the be-yoot-eeful gold silk/tapestry bodice wedding dress for a medieval banquet. I still have it! Up for hire at £50 a pop. Size ten.

Twoandtwomakeschaos Wed 23-Oct-13 22:09:10

You offered her smart clothes for work. She looked through your wardrobe and made choices, it wasn't a bundle of clothes you had sorted for a charity shop. At best she was disengenuous tho', tbh, she sounds more devious. Finally, if she was done with them, it is courteous to double check with the donor (which I did recently on getting rid of a huge bag of maternity clothes I had been given). I have also taken to asking people, if I have given lots of, e.g. v. good nick baby clothes to, to asking them to be passed on or donated to a charity shop if they are no use tho' I realise I cannot enforce it. I would feel rather "off" myself, trying to make money from something given to me as I was in need, when passing it on could make someone else's life better.

Absolutely shocking!!

Twoandtwomakeschaos Wed 23-Oct-13 22:14:27

X-post with OP!! The fact tht you were prepared to give her stuff that you liked a lot because she was a friend that you regret premanently lost suggests you ought to "call" her on this. It's almost certainly too late, but is any of the more precious stuff retrievable from Ebay (as she didn't really have the right to sell them) on repayment of the costs, postage, etc. naturally .....?

IHaveA Wed 23-Oct-13 22:17:57

When did she take the clothes?

redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 22:59:02

Ihavea

I gave them to her about a month ago.

redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 23:06:22

Candycoatedwaterdrops

I have a hand embroidered/beaded 1920's silk/velvet shawl with a magnificent peacock design. It is wonderful and you may borrow it for any 'flapper' ball you are invited to. wink

QuintessentialFucker Wed 23-Oct-13 23:12:07

What a bitch. sad

GatoradeMeBitch Wed 23-Oct-13 23:17:06

She should have asked you for permission before selling them, sod whose property they are, it would have been basic decency to ask you if you would like them back.

IHaveA Thu 24-Oct-13 08:59:45

A month ago shock shock shock. You definitely have to do something. sad

butterflyexperience Thu 24-Oct-13 09:05:34

What a bitch
Ask for the money

pixiepotter Thu 24-Oct-13 09:19:54

It may be that she is really struggling in the period between starting work and her first pay day and values eating more than fashion.
I would be a bit hmm that she hs raised £500 from them.Secondhand clothe and shoes don't fetch much at all.In fact most people give them to charity shops.I think she has behaved badly but you can't ask her for the money backd

sparechange Thu 24-Oct-13 09:25:05

What a total bitch!
And I don't buy the 'you gave them to her' camp
You gave them to her to wear, not to sell
The point at which she wants to do something different, she should have asked you.
I would be fuming in your position!

Pixieonthemoor Thu 24-Oct-13 09:34:20

Disgusting behaviour. If you had had a clear out and had a bag destined for the charity shop which went to her instead then I think it would be ok to sell (as long as she checked with you first). However, what she did was to pick through your wardrobe, made her selections ....and then sold them??? It's absolutely outrageous - I would be making my feelings very clear, demanding the money and then cutting the friendship. WHO behaves like that???? Not a friend, that's for sure.

ajandjjmum Thu 24-Oct-13 09:35:22

She's no friend.

meekenough Thu 24-Oct-13 09:39:45

wow, that is cheeky, you could have done with that money.

HelloBoys Thu 24-Oct-13 09:40:52

I don't think she is a friend of yours.

Like others have said it'd be good to hear what she said when you confronted/asked her about this.

It's been a month, not a lot you can do. Maybe if you did want to salvage your friendship and she is hard up for cash you could say the money she's made from Ebay you are lending her either part or all of it and she must pay you back, eg 3-6 months time.

The items you should not have let go - sorry well that's your call then, you shouldn't have given them to her.

It almost seems like it was a ploy on her behalf to make money out of you by selecting and Ebaying them (and a month seems the right timespan to do this). in that case then that behaviour IS underhand, dishonest and nasty and I'd consider cutting the friendship.

I've had a friend before accuse me and another friend of defrauding her (benefit fraud - would NEVER have done this and I was working at the time). It turned to be a ploy on the part of the friend accuser to get more benefit money or con the benefits people. But it was a nasty plan. THAT ended my friendship with this person.

fuzzpig Thu 24-Oct-13 09:41:09

That's horrible sad

WowOoo Thu 24-Oct-13 09:42:28

I gave my friend some clothes I didn't wear anymore.
She told me she'd tried them all on. Could she sell the remaining stuff that didn't suit? Yes, I said as I couldn't be bothered.

What did I get? She insisted on giving me 60%. I refused, but took maybe 45%. She showed me all the ebay pages and helped me start eBaying. We bought some new stuff with the profits.

It's really sad for you that your generosity hasn't been returned.
I don't think there's anything I would do.
You know she needed some money. You've been extremely kind.
Hold your head up high. I would not be able to talk to her for some time.

MrsDeVere Thu 24-Oct-13 09:51:07

I am usually of the mind that if you give, you give without strings.

BUT the whole Ebay thing a newish phenomena and the etiquette of giving needs re-thinking.

I think the recipient should definitely ask the giver if they want the clothes back before they sell them.

Particularly when the clothes are of high value.

The friend was well out of order in this case. No question IMO.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Thu 24-Oct-13 09:52:05

She sounds grabby and rude.

Your clothes, on the other hand, sound amazing. Can I come round and play dress ups please??

lottieandmia Thu 24-Oct-13 10:00:05

I think if you give anything away you need to be clear if you want it back tbh. It sounds as though you didn't want the clothes back but didn't want her to sell them. She obviously thinks that what she has done is ok or she wouldn't have been up front about it?

However, if I had been the one who had been given the clothes I would certainly have asked you first before selling them. In fact I would have kept them in case you needed them back. Your friend sounds rather insensitive to say the least.

lottieandmia Thu 24-Oct-13 10:01:23

If I were you I would be honest with her about how you feel.

lottieandmia Thu 24-Oct-13 10:03:57

There was a thread like this a long time ago where someone loaned her maternity wardrobe to a friend. Later the OP needed the maternity clothes again because she was pg, she asked friend for the clothes back and discovered she had sold them on ebay.

MegaClutterSlut Thu 24-Oct-13 10:14:38

I had a mate do this recently though nothing near the value of your stuff. Gave her some toys for her dc and now she's been selling them on my local fb groups and I get rage every time I see the pics so I've hidden them grin

If she had asked me if this was ok to sell them, I would've probably said yes as long as the dc got the money spent on them. It's just bloody cheeky imo. Needless to say I've not given her anything else

GuillotineLibertine73 Thu 24-Oct-13 10:30:45

No, this is bang out of order, had I been the friend,I would have assumed the clothes were lent until I got a few pay packets in and could buy my own stuff.

You were really kind, she was a grabby cow, one question..

Wtf is she wearing for work??

DidoTheDodo Thu 24-Oct-13 10:35:36

Op, you sound lovely.
She doesn't.

I am gobstruck at her cheek doing this. Whatever she felt the "legal" position was, to see these clothes that clearly meant a lot to you, on so quickly is morally out of order.

Since she knew you were giving her the clothes so she had a good 'work' wardrobe, I think she was very wrong to sell them. I would see it as a betrayal of the friendship, and I would be telling her how upset I was. YANBU-at-all!

QuintsHollow Thu 24-Oct-13 17:16:11

Unless, Mulberry and designer clothes would make her stick out like a sore thumb in her new job, and she sold the clothes to fund a work wardrobe that she would feel well in and look part of the work culture?

If so, your clothes have fulfilled their mission, in a roundabout way!

NicknameIncomplete Thu 24-Oct-13 17:27:47

So what I gather from the posts the OP said to her friend that she could have a look in her wardrobe to see if there was anything that she wanted for her new job. The friend had a look, took some items and within a month had sold them on ebay.

What a cow.

If it was me and my friend had suggested that I raid her wardrobe for clothes i would have a look and if nothing was suitable I would not take anything and thank my friend for her offer. But then I am a decent person. Your friend OP isnt.

QuintsHollow Thu 24-Oct-13 17:30:44

Maybe she did not realize the clothes were unsuitable until after she had started her job?

Quints - the OP's friend chose those clothes from the OP's wardrobe - why would she choose clothes that weren't suitable for her new workplace? And even if she later found out the clothes were unsuitable, wouldn't it have been the decent thing to do to contact the OP, explain that the clothes really weren't right for her workplace, and ask the OP if she minded the clothes being sold. Even though they were a gift, I still think that would have been the right thing to do.

harticus Thu 24-Oct-13 17:32:31

If she had given them to a charity shop I'd be more forgiving but to flog them for profit is outrageous.
And I would let her know as much.
Greedy mare.

QuintsHollow Thu 24-Oct-13 17:33:35

Maybe she did not realize?

I am just trying to see it from a different perspective!

HangingGardenOfBabbysBum Thu 24-Oct-13 17:34:10

In your shoes, I would respectfully ask what she was playing at and suggest that she donate her grubby profit to a charity of your choice.

She has overstepped the boundaries of friendship so please don't worry about upsetting her over this.

You did a lovely kind thing. She took the piss.

Don't let her get away with it.

QuintsHollow Thu 24-Oct-13 17:35:38

Well, if she sold them to buy work clothes, then the clothes achieved their purpose, and OP should perhaps not care so much about who wears them, or what brands her friend is wearing to work. Maybe they just did not sit right on her? Were not flattering?

Say to her

"Aw that was nice of you to try to make me some money off them! Do you want to pop around with it or will I come pick it up?"

Mim78 Thu 24-Oct-13 18:23:23

That is terrible. You should definitely ask for half the money. She clearly knew why you were giving/lending them to her.

LondonNicki Thu 24-Oct-13 18:35:30

My jaw literally hit the floor....!!! Wtf??

That's so rude of her to do it and then not to be shame-faced enough to keep it quiet. She should have told you she wasn't going to wear them anymore and would you like them back/would you mind if she donated them to charity etc. you have them to her as a nice thing to do because you wanted her to look nice and feel confident. (Those were the unspoken conditions attached)

Now you may as well have handed her £500 for whatever...that was not your attention.

I really wouldn't be giving her anything else ever..

OhBabyLilyMunster Thu 24-Oct-13 18:46:05

Absolute massive cheeky bitch. I cant actually get over it.

phantomnamechanger Thu 24-Oct-13 19:01:15

If you had given friend first dibs on a bag of stuff you had sorted for the charity shop, then that's one thing. But she basically helped herself to a good selection of stuff from your wardrobe, then flogged it all straight away! Bloody hell, she has no boundaries - that is just plain wrong! And she needs telling.

IamInvisisble Thu 24-Oct-13 19:11:12

shock What a cheeky bitch!

VisualCharades Thu 24-Oct-13 19:13:07

wot a nasty grabby lady

GaryBuseysTeeth Thu 24-Oct-13 19:13:57

All levels of wrongness.
Has she told you what she's done with the money?
What's she wearing to work?

alemci Thu 24-Oct-13 19:18:52

no yanbu, what a rotten thing to do. would defriend her.

foreverondiet Thu 24-Oct-13 19:22:42

So rude! When i give stuff now I always make it clear what to do when finished with it. I would ask for the money but I don't think she'll give it.

PAsSweetOrangeLurve Thu 24-Oct-13 19:24:37

Jaw on floor - that is so unbelievably rude!

I would definitely say something to her; what a horrible way to repay your kindness.

xCupidStuntx Thu 24-Oct-13 19:26:05

What did you say when she told you she sold them?

EndoplasmicReticulum Thu 24-Oct-13 19:27:07

Maybe show her this thread?

LondonNinja Thu 24-Oct-13 19:29:45

What did you saaaaaaaay?

RogueRebel Thu 24-Oct-13 19:30:57

YANBU.

If you were having a clear out and said these are going no matter what, fair enough but that didn't happen. its clear you look after and keep your clothes for a long time. I assume she would know this.
She clearly chose the clothes so you would assume she liked them so would want to wear them it all seems very fast for a honest mistake of ownership.

Rosa Thu 24-Oct-13 19:34:14

She is not a friend....

MatryoshkaDoll Thu 24-Oct-13 19:41:13

If you can afford to just give away designer swag like that then I don't think you can be too hmm if/when the person you gave it to then sells it.

You did gift it to her didn't you? If so, then it was hers to do with as she pleases.

You can't gift something to someone but attach conditions to how they use it.

And If you can't afford to give it away, don't give it away!

ProphetOfDoom Thu 24-Oct-13 19:45:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatryoshkaDoll Thu 24-Oct-13 19:45:29

Hang on, how long has she had the stuff?

If she took it and flogged it straight away, that's really grabby. If she didn't like the clothes she could've declined your offer instead of taking them off you with dollar signs in her eyes.

If she's had the gear for a while and you didn't say you wanted it back then fair enough to flog it IMO.

Depends on time scales really. Did I miss that bit?

Sunnysummer Thu 24-Oct-13 19:46:24

I think it's important that these clothes weren't 'cast offs' that you were giving away or sell in any case, but ones that you would have wanted to keep if you hadn't been doing her a favour. To me, that does attach strings to the gift slightly - the same way that if someone gives you money as a wedding gift, it's a bit hmm to spend it down at the pub or even on your grocery shop (unless you are genuinely struggling for groceries!).

One thing that might make you feel better, could it be that some of the clothes didn't fit, so she saw the sale as contributing to her new job by getting the cash for other clothes, train tickets etc? The fact that she happily told you about the money does make it sound like there is a misunderstanding and she is is very grateful for your help.

Hope you can repair the friendship.

ProphetOfDoom Thu 24-Oct-13 19:49:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag Thu 24-Oct-13 20:00:59

What did you say when she told you how much they went for? (has anyone asked that yet? wink)

You lent them for a specific reason, she knew that but decided she'd prefer the cash, cheeky fuck doesn't really sum it up.

OP said she gave them to her a month ago Matryoshka.

Vivacia Thu 24-Oct-13 20:08:46

I'd tell her that you're really upset because you hadn't intended to give them away permanently, you'd just lent them to her.

I imagine she'll feel sick when she realises her mistake and offer you a share of the profits.

mercibucket Thu 24-Oct-13 20:10:07

how awful

she should have been upfront and just asked you to give her 500 quid

i would be v upset about this sad

HopeS01 Thu 24-Oct-13 20:14:38

Is ask for ALL of the money! Unbelievable

YANBU, what a cheek!

BMW6 Thu 24-Oct-13 20:16:08

She has taken the piss. Big Time. angry on your behalf

myBOYSareBONKERS Thu 24-Oct-13 20:19:18

Did you want the clothes back once she had finished with them? If so then she should give you all the money.

Did you make it clear you wanted them back?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 24-Oct-13 20:22:32

If she sold them within a month then that would have been her plan all along. She knew what she was doing.

Tabby1963 Thu 24-Oct-13 20:29:11

I too audibly gasped when reading your opening message, redruby. Didn't see that coming.

It is one thing to have a bag of stuff you want to get rid of and you pass it on to your friend to use for her job. It is quite another to let her search you wardrobe (which contains stuff you might wear again one day in it) for suitable clothing for her new job, and she then sells it virtually immediately on Ebay. Shows a lack of respect for you.

It is sad really, because she has undoubtedly lost a very good friendship with you now (how can you trust her again?) for £500.

lunar1 Thu 24-Oct-13 20:29:42

She should give you all the money, it's only been a month.

QueenArseClangers Thu 24-Oct-13 20:35:33

Your friend sounds a right shite hawk.

Coupon Thu 24-Oct-13 21:01:00

YANBU. She should have returned the clothes or given them to charity or someone else who needs them. If someone does you a favour, you pay it forward, not take advantage.

redrubyshoes Thu 24-Oct-13 21:17:37

I have had a very long think over this. Yes I am hurt that she made money out of my 'generosity' if you like (I am not by any means wealthy) and I am looking back at a friendship that has been close for many years. She has picked me up off the floor when I was at my lowest ebb and I have done the same for her.

She has been through a very tough time with family bereavements, redundancy, ill mother etc but so have I. She has been there for me as I have for her.

Would I have leant/given her £500 if she was strapped for cash? I don't know as it would have left me short, but possibly yes.

I have learnt a valuable lesson and yes they were only clothes that were hanging in my wardrobe versus years of a 'good' solid foul weather friend?

Still a bit meh though...........................

Thank you for all your comments and thoughts, I really, really appreciate it! smile

I will see her this weekend and lock the fecking wardrobe!

Hallowhuey Thu 24-Oct-13 21:30:56

A mint condition Mulberry waistcoat made £85. I bought it in 1990.

Are you sure she sold them on eBay?

No Mulberry waistcoat sold since August has sold for more than £26 on eBay.

Twoandtwomakeschaos Thu 24-Oct-13 21:33:34

Are you going to say anything to her?

ColderThanAWitchsTitty Thu 24-Oct-13 22:01:57

Hmmm If she only had them a month she may not have even worn all of it. So to sell them and then tell you about it..

I'd think she was being a massive dick

IHaveA Thu 24-Oct-13 22:16:05

If she is a good friend then you should tell her how you feel.

MatryoshkaDoll Thu 24-Oct-13 22:17:15

Oh right she'd only had them a month?! Cheeky mare.

What did you say when she told you?

I'd have said 'if you needed the cash you could've always just asked me'.

redrubyshoes Thu 24-Oct-13 22:18:05

Hallow

Good point I haven't even checked ebay. She told me she sold the stuff on there but there is a shop near her that also buys second hand designer clothes................would they buy a Mulberry waistcoat at that price though?

On the other hand......spilt milk and all that. I am dragging it all up again.

LondonNinja Thu 24-Oct-13 22:33:34

You could ask her whether she bought any new clothes with the splutter £500...

I'm not sure why she told you about what she did tbh. Perhaps she just didn't compute that you valued the items - maybe she thinks they would have gone to charity or eBay anyway.

Still think it's weird, though.

YellowTulips Thu 24-Oct-13 23:02:21

She behaved badly, but once you handed over these clothes you gave up any right to them.

I can understand why you are pissed off but I would chalk this one up to experience (and reconsider her position as friend).

Lazysuzanne Thu 24-Oct-13 23:14:44

If someone gives you something it belongs to you and you can do what you like with it..on the other hand a gift is also a token of friendship, swapping the gift for money suggests that the friendship has no intrinsic value.
But that also means that gifts come with strings attached...

It's tricky, at the very least I'd expect a friend to be more tactful and not tell me she'd sold the gifts

CalamityKate Thu 24-Oct-13 23:27:38

BUT WHAT DID YOU SAY????

Hallowhuey Fri 25-Oct-13 00:18:16

No, a Mulberry waistcoat isn't worth that much.

Very weird.

magicberry Fri 25-Oct-13 00:23:23

I would ask her for a cut. Be prepared for her to refuse/the friendship to end, but she's a bit of a cow anyway, TBH.

pixiepotter Fri 25-Oct-13 07:59:00

i ao very sceptical with regards to yous claim that you opened up yous wardrobe and gave her complete carte blanche to take and keep anything and everything that took her fancy. That seems that either you have money to burn os are a martyr . Secondly the prices she claims to have got for second hand clothing on e bay doo t seen likely either

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood Fri 25-Oct-13 08:49:06

She may have legally done nothing wrong, but morally she definitely has.
If I want rid of clothes I don't care what the recipients do with them, I just want them gone, but the clothes I get rid of are so much cheaper than the ones you're talking about.
Did you give them to her? Or was the understanding - use them for as long as you need? Either way I still think her behaviour is shocking but it would be nice to know.

LondonNinja Fri 25-Oct-13 09:51:18

I'd really like to know what you said, OP grin.

Please!

QuintsHollow Fri 25-Oct-13 11:30:18

Maybe you can go and have a look in the shop? See if you find your clothes, and at what price tag.

xCupidStuntx Fri 25-Oct-13 11:36:33

Seriously, what did you say when she told you??? Why are you ignoring that question?

Umamipaste Fri 25-Oct-13 12:37:48

pixiepotter

I think the prices she claims seem very likely on eBay particularly for good quality stuff such as Mulberry/LK Bennett/Hobbs/Toast/Whistles. It can go for £££s. I sell a lot of stuff on there, and have often ended up making more than I paid for the item brand new. You'd be surprised.

Hallowhuey Fri 25-Oct-13 15:44:27

Umamipaste look for yourself, no Mulberry waistcoat has gone for the amount OP mentioned in the past three months.

pixiepotter Sat 26-Oct-13 10:33:04

I think the prices she claims seem very likely on eBay particularly for good quality stuff

Just done an ebay search on sold used Mulberry waistcoats , which the friend claimed she sold for £85.The prices they went for are between £3 and £19.Try it if you don't believe me.
But this then opens up another question? Why would the 'friend' tell the OP she had made all this money when she hadn't
Utterly bizarre!

lljkk Sat 26-Oct-13 11:03:31

I would ask for half the money.
is it possible she pretended to make that much money because... she's embarrassed about being skint but gave the items away to a charity shop (didn't like them?) & is now covering her tracks why you won't see her wearing them but please don't do anything else nice for her because she's obviously going to be fine for money now?

Convoluted, I know, but impulsive liars will say very strange things out of pride. And they hurt you on purpose because of the shame they feel for not coping better, so it's a way of pushing others away.

pixiepotter Sat 26-Oct-13 12:29:31

'Convoluted, I know, but impulsive liars will say very strange things out of pride. And they hurt you on purpose because of the shame they feel for not coping better, so it's a way of pushing others away.'

very good point.

thebody Sat 26-Oct-13 12:31:52

cheeky bitch!!!!!

allmycats Sat 26-Oct-13 12:49:28

I think that your 'friend' was very calculating - she chose which items she wanted and they were all high end high street clothing, which she sold on within the month.

You let her have them FOR HER to wear for work, she did not do this (and I don't think she ever intended to), yet she did not say to you that she was not going to wear them for the purpose you had given her.

I would ask her to replace them, like for like and see what she says to that.

And, yes, I think that this is the end of the friendship.

RandomMess Sat 26-Oct-13 12:56:37

I think I'd be tempted that I was upset that she chose to take clothes that she didn't like enough to wear herself sad

Twoandtwomakeschaos Sat 09-Nov-13 01:47:45

Was there a resolution Ruby?

I don't know if the United Nations concerns themselves with stuff like this.

ShinyBlackNose Sat 09-Nov-13 05:17:57

What a stupid comment

Thants Sat 09-Nov-13 07:38:08

You should ask for all the money! How rude of her. You tried to help her and she's thrown in back in your face.

PansOnFire Sat 09-Nov-13 07:48:08

Absolutely disgusting behaviour on your 'friend's' behalf. She borrowed the clothes a month ago and they have already been sold? I'm sorry but she saw the designer labels and pound signs. Unfortunately, the pound signs were more visible to her than your friendship, either that or she thinks you're a pushover. No one in their right mind would flog their friend's designer clothes, even if you gave her the impression they were hers to keep a good friend would have said that they were thinking of selling them on eBay and checked to see if you were ok with it.

You need to tell her that you are not happy about it, see now she reacts and go from there. Completely disrespectful.

wamabama Sat 09-Nov-13 08:50:15

It would be different if you handed her a bag of clothes you didn't want anymore and some of it wasn't to her taste or didn't fit properly. I've been given some clothes for DC that I really didn't like so I either gave them away or sold them straight away, as ungrateful as that may sound. They would be sitting in a bag otherwise and I didn't ask for or need them.

But the fact she chose them and then went on to sell them just sounds like she was profiteering from your generosity to me. She should have asked if you would be ok with her doing that first or if you wanted them back. It could be that she needed the money so thought she'd get a fair amount from them, buy some cheaper work clothes and use the rest of the money for whatever I guess but still, it's rude.

Shonajoy Sat 09-Nov-13 10:54:09

That's totally outrageous!

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