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AIBU - school didn't tell parents....

(43 Posts)
Yankeecandlequeen Tue 22-Oct-13 22:31:34

that an after school sporting event was cancelled? DD does sport after school, game cancelled, kids told at lunch time, they didn't tell any of the parents.

I waited to watch the game till 3:30, went over to see staff at school who confirmed "game on". decided to go home (2 miles away) to change and drive down again then in walked DD having caught the school bus.

Say I have planned to take the car to the garage whilst she participated (no other parents really stay to watch!) and she got home and I wasn't there. No mobile (strict no mobile policy in school) and no door key (she's 11 so no need for one as I am always home before her).

I've mailed the head to ask about their policy - or the lack of it!

Surely you'd like to be kept in the loop seeing they are their sole responsibility during the match?

bittapitta Tue 22-Oct-13 22:33:39

They should have told you, especially given the no mobile policy. But hang on - someone at the school told you the game was on? So is your DD def telling the truth?

WipsGlitter Tue 22-Oct-13 22:34:25

Bit lost. She was home earlier than expected because it was cancelled and you might have been out?

Floralnomad Tue 22-Oct-13 22:36:56

I think at 11 they do only tell the children and that's reasonable . Most 11 yr olds get themselves home and have a key to get in .

I assume that DD is in the comp. Most wouldn't be phoning round parents, it would be assumed that the pupils would do so, either on the mobiles that they are not allowed to have in school or by going to the school office if necessary. YABabitU

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 22-Oct-13 22:38:03

At secondary, no, I wouldn't expect to be told.

Yankeecandlequeen Tue 22-Oct-13 22:38:18

Yes she was. It was pissing down with rain, and I spoke to another parent too who's kids was home early.

Wips - I'm always home before her. But yesterday she came home on the school bus (as usual) which had left as I was waiting for the game to start. School bus leaves 3:20 and I was still at the leisure center waiting for the match.

Yankeecandlequeen Tue 22-Oct-13 22:40:07

I'm not aware of any 11yr olds who have a key TBH! But she is now taking a mobile to school if she has any after school activities.

dramaqueen Tue 22-Oct-13 22:42:06

My10 year old has a key just in case she gets home shortly before one of us.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 22-Oct-13 22:42:32

I think perhaps if no other parents stay to watch, they are not expecting that you will, or will be disappointed not to. At secondary, it's not really usual (am a but surprised your dd lets you actually!). So I do think you're being a bit Unreasonable, because that's obviously not how things mainly work there and it's not usual in most secondaries to notify parents of match cancellations.

Yankeecandlequeen Tue 22-Oct-13 22:43:08

Thanks, may think about this key business then!

exexpat Tue 22-Oct-13 22:44:50

Is this secondary school? I would expect most yr7s who go home by themselves (on the bus) to have a key - DD has one (yr6, just turned 11), as did DS from when he started yr7. It's a shame about the no mobile policy, as this is exactly when they are useful.

At my DCs' schools, if anything like that is cancelled, they email or text the parents, which I think is good practice - you never know what arrangements people might have made based on the original plans.

bittapitta Tue 22-Oct-13 22:46:32

Why wouldn't she have a key? Better to have a key than a mobile on her, if she's not allowed the latter.

Yankeecandlequeen Tue 22-Oct-13 22:49:13

Yes secondary school. I'm always home before her and we only live 2 miles up the road so bus takes 5 mins with all the stopping it does.

But its a shame they don't text. Some parents could easily have gone shopping knowing their kid was playing a game after school, only to come home to see them there.

Might get a key cut for her this week.

Euphemia France Tue 22-Oct-13 22:49:41

We leave a key in the garage for DD (11). She lets herself out in the morning and comes home from school on her own. No problem.

FoxyRoxy Italy Tue 22-Oct-13 22:54:59

At secondary no I wouldn't expect to be told. My ds has had a key since he was around 9!

Yankeecandlequeen Tue 22-Oct-13 22:55:11

Not too keen on leaving a key out for her. We live in rural area, no direct neighbours, so I prefer giving her a key.

sandtimerhalfempty Tue 22-Oct-13 22:58:49

Our school has an appalling record with after school clubs.

First week, the club on Monday was only confirmed by text on the day it was on iyswim.

Second week it was cancelled on the day, but no parents were told, so they all turned up up at 4pm and the kids weren't there.

Third week, one of the kids was in school all day, and went home with a friend, but noone told her parents she didn't attend. So again her parents turn up at 4 am the child isn't there

Fourth week, parents get there and get told it's cancelled, when in fact it was being held in the hall.

Fifth week, parents phone time check it's on and are told it is on, but it's actually been cancelled

so not just lack of communication with parents but within the school.
They also don't seem to take responsibility for the kids once the bell goes at 3:10

KCumberSandwich Tue 22-Oct-13 23:01:06

At a secondary where most pupils are probably responsible for getting themselves home, no i wouldn't expect to be told.

ilovesooty Netherlands Tue 22-Oct-13 23:02:17

I wouldn't expect a secondary school to inform the parents.

Sirzy Tue 22-Oct-13 23:04:20

At secondary school I would expect the child to contact parents as needed when something was cancelled. Pre mobile phones we used to ask at the office to call home if needed.

BackforGood Tue 22-Oct-13 23:07:58

At secondary I wouldn't expect to be told.
At secondary, I'd expect all dc to have a key. (My Yr7 dd has had her own key since she was 9).
I don't see the problem with a secondary age dc getting home when their parent wasn't there.
Indeed, in Yrs5 and 6, when signing permission forms, I ticked the option that my dd could come home on her own at the end of school if a match had to be cancelled during the day.
YABU

Yabu as this is totally normal for secondary.

However your dd is clearly your eldest child and has only recently started secondary, so YANBU, you just need to get used to the idea that most things will come through your DD now. You personally will probably only hear from the school if she is in trouble.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Tue 22-Oct-13 23:17:32

I think a text would've been useful but that most 11 year olds should be able to cope with looking after themselves in this situation

I think you should give her a key in case anything similar happens or for any other reason you're not home before her. Set rules for what she is and isn't allowed to do while on her own (aside from the usual don't answer the door , don't tell people you're home alone , is she allowed to cook ? Watch tv? Go out to the shop/a friends house ? Etc)

phantomnamechanger Tue 22-Oct-13 23:27:25

YANBU, I would expect to be told. Not every child gets a bus home/can make their own way. Parents may be making special arrangements with work or other childcare that they do not need to stick to if the fixture is cancelled. If you are not expecting your child home till , say 5, and then start wondering where they are at 5.15, you really don't then want to discover they actually left school at 3pm and should have been home by 3.45.

I also think the no phones rule is stupid - kids who ARE making their way to and from school need them for emergencies and so parents can contact if running late etc. Ours has a strict rule that they are not allowed out in lesson time - if one is seen it is confiscated and the parents informed. The rule is not flouted!

BackforGood Tue 22-Oct-13 23:31:44

That's common for most secondary schools, phantom.
If a phone is in your bag and turned off, the school are hardly going to be conducting bag searches, are they? In circumstances where they can't get themselves home/know the parents are arranging their life around them, then the child phones at the end of the school day, once off the premises.

quoteunquote Tue 22-Oct-13 23:42:13

Get a key safe put it out of sight, no danger of losing keys or being locked out.

shellbot Wed 23-Oct-13 10:22:28

My DS was supposed to be helping out at a football match yesterday and I'd arranged with him to pick him up at 4pm. Because he wasn't told that it had been cancelled he didn't go for the school bus.

However reception phoned me to let me know that he was waiting to be picked up otherwise he'd have had to hang around for an hour.

He's got an old PAYG phone in his bag for emergencies as well which he's allowed but not in lessons.

shellbot Wed 23-Oct-13 10:22:57

I mean not switched on in lessons.

noblegiraffe Wed 23-Oct-13 10:29:04

No, I wouldn't expect the school to tell you either. If your DD knew, and knew it was a problem, she could go to the office and use their phone to call you, or she could go to a computer room and email you.

It would be a huge amount of work for staff to work out which kids were expected at the event, find out the parental contact details and then send out a message.

At secondary, the kids are expected to take responsibility for this sort of thing.

cory Wed 23-Oct-13 11:15:48

At 11 my dc had keys. But if not (and ds is rather good at leaving his behind) I would expect him to use his initiative, push a note through the door and go off to a friend's, or ask the school to be allowed to phone/email me.

Our secondary have a rule that you can bring a mobile but have to hand it in to reception- this means you can contact parents at the end of the day but cannot disrupt classes with it.

tripadvisor Wed 23-Oct-13 11:24:00

At DS' secondary, they tell the kids to text their parents if matches are cancelled. (despite the fact that phones are officially banned, they all have them but keep them turned off)
For general clubs and after school training it's up to the the DCs to choose whether to go or not, but if it's cancelled and parents are picking up later, anyone is welcome to go into the library/resource centre to study or play on the computers.
We don't usually watch matches at secondary either, which feels a bit wierd.

sashh Wed 23-Oct-13 12:56:24

I'm confused were you in or out?

Was this a school event but not at the school?

Are you concerned that a parent might go out and a child arrive home and not be able to get in? What sort of parent would go out to do anything 20-30 mins before their child got home if the child didn't have a key?

There are so many things that could delay you form a car break down/heavy traffic to you just loosing track of time.

choccyp1g Portugal Wed 23-Oct-13 13:21:50

The sort of parent who was going to meet their child !

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Wed 23-Oct-13 13:28:54

we have a secret hidden key for those occasions when DS2 forgets his key.

Goldmandra Wed 23-Oct-13 13:29:28

This is par for the course IME and you just need to make sure your DD can get in if she comes home unexpectedly.

Our catchment middle school is ten miles away and lots of parents work in the town a few miles in the opposite direction. When it snowed they closed the school and put the children, aged 9 to 12 on the school buses and send them home at the end of the morning.

I ended up with three taking shelter at mine because they came home to empty houses for which they didn't have keys.

I wouldn't expect my DCs secondary school to tell me, well tbh I already know that they do not.

No mobile rule- yes you officially cannot have them in some schools, not DCs thank god, but my dn switches his off and puts it at the bottom of his bag, they won't confiscate it if they can't see it.

All my DCs have keys even the 10 year old. He regularly gets home 20 minutes before the older 2.

I am surprised that you haven't give her keys, what if there is an emergency and you have to go out?

ilovesooty Netherlands Wed 23-Oct-13 13:44:50

I don't see what is stopping her calling from the school office. Secondary schools can't be expected to take responsibility for this kind of situation

Goldmandra Wed 23-Oct-13 13:48:23

Secondary schools can't be expected to take responsibility for this kind of situation

I think they should probably make this clear to new parents. Ours certainly didn't.

bigbluebus Wed 23-Oct-13 13:52:50

DSs school allow mobile phones but they have to be switched off and out of sight in bags during school time. They are allowed to use the phone in the office to ring parents if there is a good reason. However, school are pretty good at texting parents about events that are on and off - including things that are happening in 6th form - which surprised me as I thought they would give the responsibility to the students once they were that age. It may be because 70% of students come in on buses that the school are so good at this, as many students would be stuck due to the rural nature of the catchment area if plans were changed at short notice.
However, OP, as others have said, I would give your DD a key for emergencies and tell her to ring you about changed plans when she gets home, if you are not in.

ilovesooty Netherlands Wed 23-Oct-13 13:55:05

I would have thought new parents should have sufficient common sense to realise that communication would be different in a much bigger school. Surely they would see that expecting the status quo to apply would not be realistic?

Goldmandra Wed 23-Oct-13 14:01:24

I would have thought new parents should have sufficient common sense to realise that communication would be different in a much bigger school. Surely they would see that expecting the status quo to apply would not be realistic?

They would have to think it through properly to realise that. Not everybody will. The parents whose 9 YOs I took in from the snow hadn't.

There are lots of things that schools need to explain to new parents which they would realise by themselves if they took the time to think it through properly e.g. we can't spend all day walking to classrooms giving messages to children from their parents.

ilovesooty Netherlands Wed 23-Oct-13 16:41:07

I agree Goldmandra:

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