To not think it's ok for adults to wee in the garden?

(96 Posts)
Weeweegate Tue 22-Oct-13 21:19:21

My father in law wees in my garden as does his brother, when they visit.

We don't have a downstairs toilet, just an upstairs one. It is not done when the toilet is occupied, they literally just go out the front door and wee rather than go upstairs. They're older (in their 70s) but not incapable of climbing the stairs by any means. They are from overseas and say this is common and acceptable behaviour in their country and nobody bats an eyelid about weeing in the garden. The uncle in law at least goes out the door and to one side (lucky neighbours) but FIL literally stands in the porch and pisses out.

I have made it abundantly clear that I find it absolutely unacceptable and disgusting, but they still do it, and think I'm uptight.

lessonsintightropes Tue 22-Oct-13 21:20:49

That is totally foul and ropey! YANBU. It might be ok in their country (I lived in South America for a year and did see people crapping in the gutter in very poor neighbourhoods - however these people did not have sanitation) but it's not okay here, jeez!

Laquitar Tue 22-Oct-13 21:24:53

I ve read somewhere that people doing this to get rid of foxes.
But YANBU, its gross.

parakeet Tue 22-Oct-13 21:55:07

YANBU. How about telling them: "I know it is normal in [your country] but here you may get arrested and it will upset my neighbours. If you do it one more time I will not have you back in my house again.

Then follow through. Sounds to me like you'd be well rid of them.

Mim78 Tue 22-Oct-13 21:55:37


ChocolateBiscuitCake Tue 22-Oct-13 21:57:41

Oh dear my husband does this and my three small boys (all under 5) do it too.

Must remember to remind them all to go indoors!

YABU (although I caveat that with the fact that I would find it deeply gross if my dad or FIL started doing it!!)

bundaberg Tue 22-Oct-13 21:59:01

that is disgusting! so your kids have to play in a pissy garden? or anyone leaving the house has to go through his puddle of urine?

how utterly vile.

MuffCakes Tue 22-Oct-13 21:59:12

Blurgh how disgusting, what country is he from as I have many friends from many countries and loads of men inc ones from this country tend to piss outside behind cars and down alley ways out and about but never in the garden. Fucking nasty.

bundaberg Tue 22-Oct-13 21:59:57

chocolatebiscuit... why?? i presume you have a toilet?

BeanoNoir Tue 22-Oct-13 22:00:49

In daylight? shock Standing at the front door? shock

Has happened at my house but only in the dark in the back garden when a lot of alcohol had been consumed (pre dcs).

VerySmallSqueak Tue 22-Oct-13 22:01:14

I think if you find it unacceptable,it is unacceptable.

I also think it's something that should be done away from the house (for hygiene reasons and so your porch doesn't smell like a urinal) and out of the sight line of neighbours.

But other than that,in essence I have no problem with it.

londonrach Tue 22-Oct-13 22:01:36

Male wee keeps foxes or cats out of gardens if i remember rightly.....

BeanoNoir Tue 22-Oct-13 22:02:19

And was not me doing the weeing I hasten to add. And it was right at the bottom of the garden, into a conifer, nowhere near the house.

stargirl1701 Tue 22-Oct-13 22:02:52

It's good for compost, OP. Direct them theregrin

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 22-Oct-13 22:03:15

If you have a compost bin, try and get them to pee in that. Or perhaps, get a compost bin. It's a great compost accelerator.

Screamqueen Tue 22-Oct-13 22:04:47

chocolatebiscuit are you serious? Why on earth dont your children and DH use the toilet like normal people?

ChocolateBiscuitCake Tue 22-Oct-13 22:04:57

bundaberg - why not? It is pee! DS2 was naked in the garden most of the afternoon - he needed to pee so he did it in a bush (to be fair, we live rurally, so not likely to then step in it!).

Perhaps my children are more in touch with their caveman roots?!

fieldfare Tue 22-Oct-13 22:05:48

Utterly disgusting!!!
You've told them how you feel, now give them fair warning - do it again and you will no longer be welcome in my house.

ChocolateBiscuitCake Tue 22-Oct-13 22:06:57

They are not crapping in the garden (although DS2 has been known to try...!)!!! They need to wee and so they go in a bush. Is it really a big deal??

I assume they are not doing it in the playground, but will check with their teacher grin.

Gardener's Question Time regularly recommend weeing on the compost heap. They have also discussed the fact that weeing on certain lawn weeds seems to kill the weed but boost the grass (possibly due to nitrates??).

But if you don't want people weeing in your garden, then they shouldn't.

VerySmallSqueak Tue 22-Oct-13 22:10:19

I bet there's all sorts of species of piss all over everyone's garden grin

Caterpillar pee,fox piddle,sparrow piss,rat urine etc etc.

Nature isn't sterile.

grovel Tue 22-Oct-13 22:10:24

Posh men often pee alfresco. Why not? Their dogs pee outside.

IamInvisisble Tue 22-Oct-13 22:10:54

I think it is disgusting.

We used to live in a terraced house. The family next door used to send their DS out to pee in the garden, against our wall (it was inside our boundary there was a wire fence as well). It stank and was nasty, they didn't stop or care when we spoke to them about it.

Weeweegate Tue 22-Oct-13 22:11:15

Chocolate I'm not talking about my FIL scampering around naked in the garden like a toddler does all day and then going for a wee! I'm talking about a grown man getting up off the sofa, going to the front door, opening it, unzipping his flies and pissing outwards into my garden, rather than going up the stairs and into the bathroom. Basically using my garden like a huge toilet.

I don't want it to repel cats! I have cats!

Quite apart from anything else, I find it so disrespectful that they do this despite knowing that I find it really disgusting and offensive.

pigletmania Tue 22-Oct-13 22:12:52

Errr unacceptable behaviour

You need a giant water gun - squirt him each and every time until he learns the proper place to wee.

Weeweegate Tue 22-Oct-13 22:14:16

Also, I have young sons that I have now had to expressly tell not to do this. One of my little boys in particular is now desperate to do a wee in the garden like his grandfather and I have actually had him wailing and crying all the way up to the loo because I won't let him go outside and piss in the garden. I have also mentioned this aspect to the inlaws, who again just think I'm boring and repressed and should just let the poor boys wee in the garden.

If we were out on a walk and they needed to wee and we were away from the house I would allow wees behind a tree (of course) or if there was someone in our bath (one bathroom) and they were desperate, I'd send them out to the (BACK!) garden to go behind a bush - but to actually just wee in the front garden like it's a toilet is fucking rank.

ChocolateBiscuitCake Tue 22-Oct-13 22:17:31

Weeweegate - I have tears rolling down my cheeks...

And have just imagined my FIL in your description - I am particularly amused at the idea of him running naked like a toddler...

I shall never look at him in the same way again!

WorraLiberty Tue 22-Oct-13 22:18:10

My DS3 used to pee in a bush in the garden when he was 2 or 3 years old, if he was using the paddling pool. I didn't mind because it saved him dripping his wet shorts through the house and up the stairs.

One day I noticed him pulling on a twig after he'd finished. I asked what he was doing and he said, "I'm flushing" grin

ChocolateBiscuitCake Tue 22-Oct-13 22:19:41

grin - at least yours flush!!!

Boardingblues Tue 22-Oct-13 22:29:08

We have a large garden and have had a mole problem. One of our more experienced neighbours told us that weeing on the molehills would help stop the problem. My DH and DS started weeing on the blasted mounds and it worked. I also encourage them to pee on the compost. However, if ANYONE opened my front door and peed out there, I would hang them up by their todger and would give them a good shake to make sure they understood the error of their ways!

Ericaequites Tue 22-Oct-13 22:31:59

If your husband pees in the garden, it will be impossible to stop your young sons. My mother went through this with my father and brother. Both still take leaks behind the garage at 78 and 52.

Mintyy Tue 22-Oct-13 22:32:21

I simply do not believe this.

What country are you in op and in what country do they say it is common and acceptable behaviour?

HeadsDownThumbsUp Tue 22-Oct-13 22:32:46

Isn't it great for the plants?

VerySmallSqueak Tue 22-Oct-13 22:35:03

I'm not talking about my FIL scampering around naked in the garden like a toddler

grin grin

squirt him each and every time until he learns the proper place to wee

more grin grin

UncleT Tue 22-Oct-13 22:36:31

Totally unacceptable conduct, particularly when we're not even talking about going behind a bush at the bottom of a very large garden (which would be silly enough when there's a perfectly decent toilet to be used). YANBU.

moondog Tue 22-Oct-13 22:36:46

I'd brazen it out by doing the same in their house.
Stand up, stretch nonchalantly, announce 'Just off for a piss' then take your knickers down in the middle of their lawn.
See how they like it.

Funny how it's ok for blokes to do this eh but people would consider a woman deranged if she did.

LittleBairn Tue 22-Oct-13 22:38:45

WTF that is soooo not OK! I couldn't care less their cultural background when visiting my home the bathroom is for urinating in not my garden.

TwoLeftSocks Tue 22-Oct-13 22:40:34

Can you just lock the front door on them next time either of them do it?

LittleBairn Tue 22-Oct-13 22:41:01

It might be worth also mentioning indecent exposure to them, if they are doing this at the front of your house.

Weeweegate Tue 22-Oct-13 22:41:50

Mintyy Oh how I wish I was making this up!

I am in Britain and don't want to say where my inlaws are from as I fear it will out me - I have been quite vocal about this to them and everyone on their side of the family!

My husband is from the same country and does not do this (although does not really back me on it as he says that it is more commonly done there). He has told them it annoys me - as I have told them myself many times. Funnily enough, none of his friends from this country do the same - just these older guys.

I think it bugs me on two levels: 1) The fear that my garden will smell like piss and 2) The fact that they do it despite knowing I do not find it acceptable and despite the fact that it is unnecessary as we have a TOILET IN OUR FUCKING HOUSE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!

Tanith Tue 22-Oct-13 22:43:00

I have just suggested to DH that he pops out every night and wees round our boundary to keep the cats out of our sandpit and the foxes away from our rabbits.

He has told me where to go and what to do sad

Oh well - back to the sensory bleeper thingy that scares me witless when I hang the washing out smile

SomethingOnce Tue 22-Oct-13 22:43:20

We need to know which country!

And wrt compost heaps, one uses a receptacle (in private) and discretely pours.

SomethingOnce Tue 22-Oct-13 22:45:28

I don't think naming the country will out you any more than the thread already has.

ShriekingGnawer Tue 22-Oct-13 22:46:51

Rub his nose in it.

LittleBairn Tue 22-Oct-13 22:47:00

If I were you I would wait till he was on the door step cock out mid piss then I would kick the door firmly on his arse locking him out.
You have told him it offends you yet he's quite happy to continue to disrespect you in your own home, you need to take action to get your point across.

fuzzpig Tue 22-Oct-13 22:47:38


moondog Tue 22-Oct-13 22:48:18

Easter Europe?
Western Europe?

I can't see Asian or Arab guys doing this. (May be wrong.)
Blokes on the sub continent wee when squatting which is rather curious.
A lot of Arabs kneel in the sand to do it (truly)

VerySmallSqueak Tue 22-Oct-13 22:51:13

grin at Shrieking

Floggingmolly Tue 22-Oct-13 22:53:34

He stands in the front door pissing outwards like a dog shock
I don't believe for a moment that that's his original country's custom...
He's a filthy fucker, your neighbours must think they're living through an episode of Shameless.
How could you not say anything???

ChocolateBiscuitCake Tue 22-Oct-13 22:56:42

Is he an Aussie? All my friends married to Aussies piss in the garden, especially in BBQ season?

80sMum Tue 22-Oct-13 22:58:46

Next time he visits, deadlock the front door so that it can't be opened from the inside. Perhaps that will fix him!

Topseyt Tue 22-Oct-13 22:58:55

Very disrespectful. Were they never toilet trained as a children??

Honestly, there are certain things we all have to do properly in order to get along together. Toiletting in the correct place is high on that list.

Taking a piss out of the front door is an affront to common decency.

Weeweegate Tue 22-Oct-13 23:01:23

I do say anything - I say a lot, but am laughed at and ignored. I cannot stop them from coming to my house as they live in the overseas country and only come here once a year. It's the only time my DH gets to see his dad and uncle and I can't stop that because of the peeing, although it does piss me off (ha ha, not even funny. sad )

We live very rural and nobody would ever observe him doing this, but that's not the point.

He is not from a country much different to ours - he lives in a big house with several bathrooms. It may be more acceptable to pee when out in the garden, I don't know, but I'm relatively sure that actually going out of a house with a bathroom in it to pee outside in the garden is not the norm (as I said my hubby and his friends do not do this).

I know I'm making light of it but I actually find it so disrespectful, and worry that my garden is stinky.

ShriekingGnawer Tue 22-Oct-13 23:03:35

Can you rig up some kind of electric fence style thing? He pees, his cock gets a shock?

magicberry Tue 22-Oct-13 23:08:42

Keeps the foxes away apparently!

Topseyt Tue 22-Oct-13 23:14:46

What would happen if the wind was blowing in the wrong direction, or changed when he was mid flow?? Then he would slash against his trouser legs, over his feet, or even in his own face (summary justice there perhaps).

zipzap Tue 22-Oct-13 23:15:14

I'd stick a bucket of water next to the front door - next time he goes out to have a pee, I'd follow him and throw the water over him (well middle area rather than head) and so that it washes his pee away from him and the garden.

And if he complains then explain that in your country, when selfish oafish ignorant deliberately horrible people pee in the garden then it is common and acceptable to wash it away so that it doesn't cause problems killing the grass. And repeat every time he does it.

Bet your FIL doesn't come inside and wash his hands either - so probably ought to have a second bucket available ready to throw over his hands in lieu of them being washed too.

(I know that people on here are saying it's good for the grass but I thought that you were supposed to dilute pee if peed on grass otherwise it killed it? Or is that just dogs? Or an old wives tale that isn't true but I have just heard from my mum so many times that it never occurred to me it wasn't true. Am sure that I've seen alan titchmarsh say it too)

bundaberg Tue 22-Oct-13 23:19:11

lock the front door so they can't go out

Onesleeptillwembley Tue 22-Oct-13 23:20:28

Filthy bastards! I'd tell them that, and add that they are not welcome until they learn some respect for themselves and others and behave like adult humans in your home. Not even animals piss on their own doorstep.

EBearhug Tue 22-Oct-13 23:54:45

My mother used to try and encourage any male visitors to pee on the compost heap. I don't think many took her up on it.

Coffeenowplease Wed 23-Oct-13 00:00:55

God thats fucking vile.

Coffeenowplease Wed 23-Oct-13 00:03:00

I think you went wrong by not saying when he did it the first time " What the fuck are you doing ? That is is disgusting. Never ever do that in my home again."

Coffeenowplease Wed 23-Oct-13 00:04:18

Christ does your DP not object ?

Viviennemary Wed 23-Oct-13 00:06:58

It's unheard of. Though I did read an organic gardening book once that said to sprinkle your compost with wee to help it rot down. I didn't try it. But I think they meant in a more civilised discreet way using a container.

Coffeenowplease Wed 23-Oct-13 00:09:10

Im sorry for repeatedly posting... but.. but I just cant get over it. I really cant.

OP this is not meant to be a dig at you but why are you putting up with this shit (or piss in this case) ?

If anyone did this in my home/garden I would eject them promptly and they would not return until they had some manners. Family or not.

ThePuffyShirt Wed 23-Oct-13 00:22:39

There is NO WAY they would be welcome in my house if they did this.

I wouldn't care how we were related or where in the world they hailed from.

Everytime I think I've heard it all on MN...

iggymama Wed 23-Oct-13 00:26:46

As Mrs Brown would say - the dirty bastards!

Shame you have no neighbors that you could ask discreetly to phone the police to report fil for flashing. What sort of a man pulls out his knob and pisses in front of his dil, so disrespectful.

Heathcliff27 Wed 23-Oct-13 00:31:48

YANBU, completely unacceptable for anyone to be pissing in the garden in this day and age! I'm with the electric febce idea, filthy fukrs

Heathcliff27 Wed 23-Oct-13 00:32:04


AmandaHoldenmigroin Wed 23-Oct-13 03:41:01

Strangely I posted a similar thread ages ago about how I found people peeing in the garden gross and everyone told me I was being unreasonable.

BearsBeetsBattlestarGalactica Wed 23-Oct-13 04:15:10

Bet they are aussie.

I have been to many a bbq/drinking session over here where the blokes piss in the garden. They generally do it on the far side of the back garden though, not out of the front door.

EmilyAlice Wed 23-Oct-13 05:32:35

Very common here in rural France. Nobody ever asks to use a loo even in a five hour lunch / dinner party and the men pee outside.
My OH pees on the compost bin, but that is for scientific reasons.

CharityFunDay Wed 23-Oct-13 05:46:59

Well, he's a relative and it would be a shame to fall out over something that is, at root, harmless.

Have you got a back garden, where your neighbours can't see?

Perhaps he should do it there, if he really can't resist peeing al fresco.

If you would find that acceptable, that is, and you would of course be the judge of what's acceptable on your own premises.

SanityClause Wed 23-Oct-13 05:58:03

I am Australian, and have never known any man to stand in the front door and pee out into the garden!

Peeing behind a bush at a barbecue when a lot of alcohol had been consumed, perhaps, but certainly not what the OP has described.

I'm in Australia and NO ONE I know does this. If I was held a garden party/BBQ and someone did this I'd call them a putrid fucker and immediately eject them. Likewise if it happened at someone else's house, if they weren't asked to leave, I would. Never heard the likes, it's rude and foul - if a women did it she would be asked if she was on glue!?!

changeforthebetter Wed 23-Oct-13 06:04:15


Little DC are allowed to pee at the bottom of the longish garden which gives on to woods. It's steep and overgrown natural so it's like climbing three flights to get to the upstairs loo. I would expect anyone over the age of 11 to use the loo. Dd1 took a dump in the garden this summer (she s prone to um, eccentric behaviour). I let her know that was most definitely not Ok! angry

letsgomaths Wed 23-Oct-13 07:21:59

Blackadder: "It's French to urinate in the street, but no reason to inflict it on the rest of us!"

Something that comes up on MN from time to time is:
"How dare anyone but me shit in my loo, especially workmen?!?!?!" Maybe your FIL has visited or worked for one such house.

Yes I know, different situation, different people, different OP; I just couldn't resist it. thlgrin (Look, we have little evil hats to wear!)

liquidstate Wed 23-Oct-13 09:03:07

My DH pees behind the shed when he is doing the gardening. I hate that, even though we are in the middle of nowhere we do have neighbours (we are in a semi). We also have no downstairs loo and his argument is that he would have to traipse mud through the house.


valiumredhead Wed 23-Oct-13 09:07:28

I have a houseful of 'compost waterers'grin

Grennie Wed 23-Oct-13 09:19:37

AmandaHolden - Yes MN is strange like that.

MisguidedAngel Wed 23-Oct-13 09:25:25

We are in (semi) rural France too, and see it all the time, men stop their cars on the verge and only just bother to get out to pee. My OH always pees in the garden (he's out there most of the time) but is discreet and it's true that it deters moles. (I'm quite surprised really, because with the amount of tea he drinks I would have thought it was too weak). He patrols, so each mole hill gets a regular dose. But I certainly wouldn't put up with him standing on the porch and pissing out!

Sunnysummer Wed 23-Oct-13 09:31:39

I actually came on here thinking that objecting to the occasional garden wee was BU, but was swiftly corrected. A sneaky slash by the back fence when outdoors or if the loo is occupied is one thing, flopping your knob out of the front door of your DIL's home is completely bizarre!

It can hardly be totally usual wherever they come from, as if they pissed multiple times every day onto the same patch of grass or walkway their own front gardens would soon begin to reek (or become disturbingly swampy).

YANBU, my favourite idea so far is the water pistol smile

reelingintheyears Wed 23-Oct-13 09:36:48

Better to be inside pissing out than outside pissing in.

But seriously, I wouldn't like it at all.

DidoTheDodo Wed 23-Oct-13 09:53:02

The peeing thing is disgusting, but the worst aspect of this is, to me, the absolute lack of respect that your in laws, and indeed your H, have for you.

You've said you find it unacceptable. This in itself should be enough to stop it ever happening gain.

Strong words with H are needed, I think.

Millenniumbug1 Wed 23-Oct-13 09:58:06

I would have a bucket of water & bleach ready at the back door. Next time he decides to mark his territory from your front door, nip out of the back, with bucket, & throw it at him over the wee because nobody wants to walk in disgusting urine, walk it into the house etc, do they? grin

EmilyAlice Wed 23-Oct-13 10:07:49

I get the impression that nobody asks to use the loo here in rural France, because it is a hangover from the days when people didn't have them and they don't want to embarrass you (we have four before you ask).
We have at least one neighbour with no inside flushing toilet. It doesn't matter much here because everyone has plenty of space, but I agree it would be very unpleasant just outside the front door.
Could you explain that in England it isn't done and people will think they are very strange?

shewhowines Wed 23-Oct-13 10:09:11

Yes, your real problem is your DH. He has told them, you dont like it, but now he needs to tell them that he doesn't like the fact, that they are not respecting your feelings.

They've made it obvious they don't respect you, now get DH to respect you.

GingerBlondecat Wed 23-Oct-13 13:51:07

Umm no, I'm Aussie and I've never seen this behaviour. How odd o.O

Nottalotta Wed 23-Oct-13 13:58:36

My dad and DH will wee at the bottom of the garden behind the shed if they are doing outdoor work. No downstairs loo so saves them cleaning up shoes off etc. Doesn't bother me. I wee outside most days when at the stables. No loo but a massive field, muckheap and field shelters to go at.....

Floggingmolly Wed 23-Oct-13 17:05:35

How often do you need to wee, Notta, that actually finding a toilet is such a hassle? hmm. If it was every 15 minutes it might be kind of understandable, but then if it was every 15 minutes you'd have a very real problem.
Who needs to squat in a field just because they're at the stables?

PhallicGiraffe Wed 23-Oct-13 17:10:16

I'm surprised people are so disgusted with this, when hundreds of dogs are allowed to piss in gardens, by lamp posts, letter boxes, grass verges etc, and no one bats an eyelid. Dog piss is just as bad as human piss.

VerySmallSqueak Wed 23-Oct-13 18:39:36

I like an outdoor wee personally.
Obviously not in the middle of the High Street though.

KissesBreakingWave Wed 23-Oct-13 18:51:44

WAAIT, not stepping out and finding a convenient bush or the compost heap, but just standing on the doorstep and letting fly? I think you're having your leg pulled about it being OK back in the old country.

Reasonable, because your house, your rules, but for your general fund of information letting drive into the compost heap is good for it, and peeing high up treetrunks and fenceposts convinces passing foxes your garden is the territory of some giant monster wolf.

roseblanche Wed 23-Oct-13 19:51:28

I live in France. There was a thread on an 'ex pat' forum regarding spitting on the street. It developed into a discussion about pissing in the street. Most of the men (who now they live in France presume they are 'frencher than the french') didn't see a problem. It is not just pissing in your own garden we are talking about here, but pissing anywhere, in full sight of anyone, no matter the time or place.
This was the 'justification' given by one particular arsewipe:
"It is the male equivalent of breast feeding. I mean, it is anti-social, public and some people just want to have a look at what you've got"
And this is from a (supposed) HR Local Authority person, now retired in France. Nice, eh?

girlywhirly Thu 24-Oct-13 13:13:46

If it is just the front door he does this out of, you will have to keep that door locked all the time he is staying with you. Say it's because of a new home security initiative from the local rural police. Hint that they may make a visit at some point to check that everything is OK, due to some flashers/indecent exposure in the area recently.

OK, you might not want to lie. But if your DH persists in allowing this to go on, even though you are upset by it (rightly so) you need to get sneaky.

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