regarding MIL and DS's party

(375 Posts)
catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 14:35:04

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

fluffyraggies Fri 18-Oct-13 14:39:08

If DH drove down to the station for 1.50 to get her he'd be back with her at the party for about 2.30 - start of the party?

She can check in to the B&B later when she's been there to stay?

MarysDressSways Fri 18-Oct-13 14:39:35

Tell her to take a taxi... or public transport. There's no way your husband can pick her during the party. Put the ball in her court.

yoshipoppet Fri 18-Oct-13 14:39:53

Send her a taxi firm number and tell her she'll have to sort it out herself?

fluffyraggies Fri 18-Oct-13 14:40:07

When she been *driven there (the B&B) to stay, i mean. She doesn't have to check in before the party.

I wouldn't change the party just for her, she knew what time it started. Tell her the options are: change the tickets, make her own way from the station or don't bother coming.

If she's invited for his party, why has she organised to come so she won't even make the party hmm

ceeveebee Fri 18-Oct-13 14:40:25

She sounds like a piece of work

I would tell her to get a taxi to your DPs house (book it for her if she moans) she can check in at the b&b after the party?

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 14:42:47

Fluffy he could if the traffic was good etc, but why should he miss out on getting the party ready? I know that probably doesn't sound important and a bit PFB, but I have been really looking forward to his birthday and I want DH there (and I expect he will want to be there too.)

A taxi would cost her a fortune (not that I care right now!). She could get a train to a nearer station and get a taxi from there and looking at time tables only miss about 30 minutes, but then the party will be disrupted by her big arrival (and she will make it ALL about her and cause maximum disruption).

I am not happy. DH can sort this one out though and just tell her to change her tickets or don't bother coming as she is not ruining the day

<fuming>

roguepixie Fri 18-Oct-13 14:43:12

C.

Have the party the way you want to, at the time you want to.

I understand your anger. I also understand your belief that this is deliberate. Obviously only you have the history with this woman to feel so certain but your description sounds suspiciously like narcissism. To be honest, I wouldn't even indulge her for an 11am pickup - not on the day of the party - in my experience the very last thing you want to be doing is mammoth round trips to pick people up. She has had fair warning of date/time and could have made arrangements that didn't result in giving you this pressure.

It's your DS's birthday. She should make the effort.

MrTumblesKnickers Fri 18-Oct-13 14:43:56

Just reiterate what you've already said about the start time. "Oh that's a shame, we'll be busy then as the party starts at 2pm and all hands will be needed on deck. Here's a taxi number, or here's how you get to us via public transport. See you there!"

MarysDressSways Fri 18-Oct-13 14:43:58

Although, if she's coming on a Saturday, that's usually off-peak, so the tickets should be valid on any offpeak service (ie other trains that day)?

Fukeit Fri 18-Oct-13 14:44:47

Yep send her some taxi numbers.

What does your Dh say?

tedmundo Fri 18-Oct-13 14:45:30

Just reply with a taxi number, a cheery 'we use this taxi company, they will sort you out, see you there' and a few Xxx's. Nothing needs explaining as she knows the party is 40 mins later than her arrival time.

Don't pick her up. She is more than capable of getting to the destination without you intervening.

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 14:47:09

She is a piece of work.

The whole point in her coming was his party.

This is totally deliberate - she makes maximum fuss for maximum attention. Every. time.

I might text her back saying "Oh no - I hope you can change the tickets as you will miss his party with those and we will be too busy to pick you up" and then if there is any fall out, DH can deal with her from there.

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 14:47:52

I've not spoken to DH yet but I think he will feel the same as me.

She is so manipulative. Arggh.

Hassled Fri 18-Oct-13 14:48:37

Dump the whole sorry mess in your DH's lap. This is not your problem. Spell it out to him that he will miss the build up etc - then leave him to sort it.

CaptainSweatPants Fri 18-Oct-13 14:49:06

Could one of your parents collect her?

Tuppenceinred Fri 18-Oct-13 14:49:35

She will be too early to check in at most B+B's anyway. So that's one problem solved, from the station straight to the party.

tedmundo Fri 18-Oct-13 14:49:47

Oh, x post with you and lots of others.

Well, yes, taxis are expensive. But if she has booked a train ticket to a station so far from you this will not come as a shock to her.

She is a grown up, capable of looking after herself. Of course, if it was not clashing with a prior engagement you would be happy to pick her up, but it does, so you can't.

There is nothing to debate here. Stay strong, sister! <bangs fist on heart>

CaptainSweatPants Fri 18-Oct-13 14:50:00

Why are you texting her & sorting it out? Get dh to do it!

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 14:50:18

Actually Captain - you've just made me think my sister might be able to collect her.

But then again I am not minded to have anyone do anything for her.

CaptainSweatPants Fri 18-Oct-13 14:51:20

Dump the whole sorry mess in your DH's lap. This is not your problem

Amen to that !

CaptainSweatPants Fri 18-Oct-13 14:52:14

If your sister doesn't mind I'd definitely ask her smile

RevelsRoulette Fri 18-Oct-13 14:53:31

Tell her to get a taxi.

ihearsounds Fri 18-Oct-13 14:55:53

Nope, your sister will probably want to be at her nephews party, not driving your mil around who is disorganised and wants everyone to drop what they are doing to pander to her needs.

BettyBotter Fri 18-Oct-13 14:56:14

Agree that she sounds a PITA but I do think you sound as if you're building it up and making it a massive deal of it too.

She wants to come to the party - excellent. She hasn't seen much of her dgs and she's making the effort to come. Good.
She has said she'll stay at a b and b to avoid being a hassle - Great. Sounds ideal to me.

You are making it into a thing.

She's cocked up the travel times so just say 'Oh dear, sorry. We wont be able to pick you up.' (Don't go into any whys or wherefores. Just tell her.)

Then leave the ball in her court. She can get a taxi, book an earlier train, be late for the party or not come. Her choice. Don't get embroiled in her shenanigans.

LoonvanBoon Fri 18-Oct-13 14:57:39

You're definitely not BU. Totally agree that you need to tell her to get a taxi as it's not possible for you or DP to pick her up. Be calm, be matter of fact & be completely unmovable on this! And you may as well let her know that as she's going to be arriving during / just before the party you won't be able to help her to get to her B&B / help her settle in until MUCH later. Even if it was just about possible for your DP to pick her up & get back in time, it wouldn't be fair on him to miss the preparations or on you to be left getting things ready by yourself. It's going to be pretty hectic anyway! What a shame for her to be so bloody awkward when you've made the effort to invite her & try to include her in the birthday celebrations - try not to let it spoil things for you!

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 18-Oct-13 14:58:27

Option A. Take the lead.

Cancel B&B, most accept cancellation 48 hours prior, and mention a rat infestation toher as the reason or the like. Rebook a lovely one nearer, "il will go so much nicer if you are close MIL and it will sane you so much on taxis, we cannot let your pay ££ on a taxi".

Option B. deal withy the cards you have in hand.

Acknowledge receipt of her arrival time and looking forward to seeing her at your place, and how impressed you are she is coming all the way on her own steam. Big thank you and so thoughtful given both DH and you will be unavailable.

TheGatheringDark Fri 18-Oct-13 14:58:29

Oh no, don't get your sister involved-if MIL has organised something that clearly won't fit in with your plans, then resolving it needs to be her problem,not yours. Getting your sister to collect her means you are agreeing that it is your responsibility to provide solutions when MIL is being difficult-you need to make it MIL's responsibility!

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 18-Oct-13 14:58:51

I would take option B. less work.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 18-Oct-13 15:01:21

That said, my DM who lies overseas always gies me her arrival time but it does not follow that she expects to be picked up. It gives an idea of her actual arrival time at my nearest train station.

MerryMarigold Fri 18-Oct-13 15:02:26

How far is she coming from? I know Friday tickets are v expensive (and would mean extra night of B & B) so coming on Sat makes sense. Plus this way you get most of the day with your ds rather than having her around from first thing.

You say she lives 300 miles away! Perhaps to get there earlier would mean leaving at a ridiculous time?

You do sound quite U I think based on what you've told us here, but I don't know any other background.

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 15:08:37

If she left her house at 8am she could be at the mainline station for 11am.

I don't think that's massively early tbh

Plus she doesn't think 300 miles is far when we have been to see her with a baby / toddler in tow.

MerryMarigold Fri 18-Oct-13 15:13:29

Could she leave at 9am then? I would suggest she changes the times and either get someone else to get her, or get your dh and ds out of the way to get food ready. Ds may sleep on long car journey and be ready for party when he gets back.

MerryMarigold Fri 18-Oct-13 15:14:30

PS. Having a 2yo around is a PITA when you are trying to get a party ready! You will not be able to pay a whole lot of attention to him anyway.

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 15:16:59

If she left at 9am and got to us an hour earlier it wouldn't be as bad

I get what you are saying about DS being a PITA when trying to get a party ready, but I am really excited for his day.

If this was just a one off with her I wouldn't be so annoyed, but with her history this is textbook and deliberate.

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 15:18:52

Spoken to DH

He is going to ring her tonight and tell her to change her tickets to an earlier time as we will not be able to pick her up at that time. He will give her the option of getting herself from the station to the party but point out she will miss it if she does so makes no sense and she needs to change them.

havingastress Fri 18-Oct-13 15:18:57

Don't pander to her. Cheery text as someone else suggested and list of cab numbers. Let her sort herself out, she's a grown woman.

Bringmewineandcake Fri 18-Oct-13 15:20:45

Definitely be very straight with her and let her know that she'll need to make her own travel arrangements to get to your house as you won't be able to collect her at that time. End of. Then if there is any fall out your DH can deal with it.
YANBU
Can we have an update later...?

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 15:26:33

I will update following DHs phone call to her tonight.

I predict tears, tantrums, accusations and 3 months of not speaking

She hasn't seen her other grandchild since Easter as her other son and DIL won't speak to her. That's not something I ever want to get to because I feel she has a right to a relationship with DS and he with her until he is old enough to decide on things like that. I feel like she tries to force these situations to play the victim.

Chottie Fri 18-Oct-13 15:31:08

I do hope you can find some sort of resolution. I am a GM and I don't understand your MiLs actions at all. Does she have health or mobility issues which prevent her from getting an early train?

BTW - how old is your MiL?

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 15:33:02

She is 70

Which sounds old until I tell you last year she spent 3 months traveling round Africa on her own. Not through a travel agent or anything, independent travel, staying with locals she knows through a church group and traveling round in Jeeps and getting her own flights.

No health issues

youretoastmildred Fri 18-Oct-13 15:35:34

I think a phone call is a mistake with a person like this. you need a communication which looks breezy, but is carefully formulated to have exactly the right content and tone. She will be able to cut in with things like "don't you want me at my grand child's birthday?" on the phone, and queer the pitch. I am very worried that your dh will get off the phone and sheepishly reveal that he has agreed to her original attention-seeking plan.

Tell her:

the party is at 2.30, she needs to get there earlier
here is a taxi number
suggest she doesn't check in first, and she is welcome to freshen up at yours
you are very much looking forward to seeing her but you regret that there is so much going on on the day that she will need to make her way to you. you hope she will be able to do this in plenty of time to enjoy the day

THE END

fluffyraggies Fri 18-Oct-13 15:55:41

Good God if she can get around Africa on her own she can make her own way from the B&B to the party! She cant begrudge a taxi fare that badly either i wouldn't have thought.

Good luck OP.

Ursula8 Fri 18-Oct-13 16:57:31

Catgirl I do sympathise as my own Dm is a class A narc. However, you must recognise that she has successfully sucked you in as you were tying yourself up in knots trying to accommodate her.
C was the only sensible option. You just tell her nobody can pick her up then so she comes earlier or makes her own way. Then back off. Do not engage. Do not Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain. Make sure DH is clear on this before he calls her. Write it down on a bit of paper he has in front of him when he calls if necessary. Good luck.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 18-Oct-13 17:23:27

You should have text her yourself before speaking to DH!

No doubt she will be an expert at manipulating him and you will end up pissed off with both him and her and she will get at least some of it her way.

I hope I'm wrong!

BrokenSunglasses Fri 18-Oct-13 17:24:34

In fact, text her now before DH gets in!

Preciousbane Fri 18-Oct-13 17:29:50

What ridiculous arrangements she has made, stick to your guns and let your DH deal with this.

CaptainSweatPants Fri 18-Oct-13 17:31:03

No don't text her

Leave it up to dh

MommyBird Fri 18-Oct-13 17:34:12

Text her now before DH rings her.
Phone calls are great for 'normal' people, not narcs!

She has time to bring it backs to HER, make DH feel guilty, cry etcetc. Texts you can prepare what to say, text it, then any toxic reply you can ignore.

Bunbaker Fri 18-Oct-13 17:42:31

If she is travelling 300 miles it could be that she couldn't get an earlier train. Is there a connecting train from the mainline station to one nearer to you?

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 18:15:26

Loads

The main leg is Euston to Preston and the service is every 30 mins from about 6am onwards/ Really fast 2 hour journey

The other leg she has to do is a 30 min train into London and then tube / cab from London Bridge to Euston

She's not making some rural cross-country trek on unreliable, infrequent lines. It's probably one of the best run services in the country

DH is ringing her after dinner so I will update

Wibblypiglikesbananas Fri 18-Oct-13 18:19:44

Just leave her to it OP. The main thing is, you, DC and DH have a great time.

Hope the chat goes well.

ChristmasPixie123 Fri 18-Oct-13 18:28:20

At least you have DH on side. Things will work out just don't give in

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 18:32:28

Thanks wibbly and pixie

bubalou Fri 18-Oct-13 20:04:21

My god this sounds familiar. Can we start an evil MIL support group?

Make sure you don't cave and she can't say you haven't been fair.

The main thing is that you and your ds have a great day.

Keep us updated. wink

BooHissy Fri 18-Oct-13 20:04:57

You and your DH will be at the party.

Give her the address, some local taxi numbers (or there'll be some at the station) and leave her to it.

Seriously.

VenusDeWillendorf Fri 18-Oct-13 20:14:42

Your mil is in competition with your DS for her son.

Don't let her win - your DH should be there at his son's party, not pandering to a narc.

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 20:25:44

Right. DH has tried phoning her and she is not in.

I have texted her this:

"Glad you have got the tickets but hope you can change the times as we will not be able to pick you up from the station that late due to DS's party. DH has tried to call you to let you know but you are out. We can pick you up if you get in before 12pm but if it's later we won't be able to."

No reply as yet.

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 20:26:13

And I would love to start an evil MIL support group grin

I will provide wine smile

ChasedByBees Fri 18-Oct-13 20:26:28

If she's used to such independent travel then she can definitely make her own way there. I wouldn't expect anyone to collect me to go to a party particularly on the day. I get that she's a narc but just act like picking her up was never an option. TBH you do seem to be describing this as your problem to solve but it's really not.

If she can't change the tickets then just say, ok well we'll see you when we see you and leave it at that. It is annoying to have people turn up late but don't hold anything off - do the cake, blowing candles etc when you want to and she can join in with whatever when she's there. She's ha fair warning of the timings.

ChasedByBees Fri 18-Oct-13 20:27:27

X posts. I really don't think you should have made the picking her up a big deal. It's her problem how she gets there, not yours.

BooHissy Fri 18-Oct-13 20:28:07

You and your DH will be at the party.

Give her the address, some local taxi numbers (or there'll be some at the station) and leave her to it.

Seriously.

Footface Fri 18-Oct-13 20:28:17

Really silly question but has she asked you dh to pick her up?

BooHissy Fri 18-Oct-13 20:28:44

Sorry! Phone posted!

Bunbaker Fri 18-Oct-13 20:29:30

"The main leg is Euston to Preston and the service is every 30 mins from about 6am onwards/ Really fast 2 hour journey. The other leg she has to do is a 30 min train into London and then tube / cab from London Bridge to Euston"

That is a similar kind of journey I make to return home from visiting my sister. In theory it takes about 4 hours. In practice it takes quite a bit longer. In order to get to my house for 11am I would have to leave my sister's house at about 5 am.

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 20:34:44

Bunbaker Honestly, I do it a couple of times a month for work and it is really easy.

If she left home at 8:30am she could easily catch the 10:00am train and be with us for 12pm

And we go there a few times a year and it never takes more than three and a half hours - often less if you are quick with the tube

She has asked us to pick her up. We don't have a car atm, and before the timing was an issue let her know this and she demanded we borrow my DPs car to collect her as getting another connection would be very hard.

She has also suggested we hire a car for the weekend as she will want running to and fro from her B&B to ours (15 mins away) and DPs for the party (about 45 mins away). She apparantly couldn't possibly manage with the odd lift and then a few taxi / bus rides (accompanied by us) thrown in.

PrimalLass Fri 18-Oct-13 20:38:48

Her nose is probably out of joint because the party is at your parents' house.

catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 20:42:30

Possibly. She does have an issue with everyone who isn't her, but she lives 300 miles away so we couldn't do it at hers and we don't have the room.

BooHissy Fri 18-Oct-13 20:56:04

She got herself round Africa, she can get herself to a party in the UK.

Bunbaker Fri 18-Oct-13 21:06:28

OK, I stand corrected. I am thinking about getting from Surrey to Sheffield and beyond. Our trains aren't as good.

Footface Fri 18-Oct-13 21:26:16

Then just say sorry can't do, leave it at that and see what happens

Ursula8 Fri 18-Oct-13 23:15:59

she can hire a car. you don't need one. she does. Do not engage.

aderynlas Fri 18-Oct-13 23:32:54

Good luck catgirl, and i hope your little boy has a lovely birthday. I travel for two hours by bus and train every other day to look after my dgc. Im sure your mil, who sounds very capable will manage too. Hope you have a great day.

MikeReepySpooksard Sat 19-Oct-13 09:02:38

She needs to hire a car or pay for taxis. Just say no. Ridiculous of her to think you will chauffeur her around, and even more ridiculous of you to entertain the idea.

AndYouCanDance Sat 19-Oct-13 09:08:09

Good luck OP. Stay strong.
Focus on the party and ignore her nonsense.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 10:11:15

Thank you all thanks

Have just had a text reply from her. It reads:

"Am hoping you can have a proper discussion yourselves and with your parents and see if it is possible for anyone to be able to pick us up. Will be out today until 5pm so please can you ring me later with more information."

DH is going to ring her, but I am tempted to text back

"Picking you up isn't a problem if you get to Preston earlier. The time you are getting in means no one will be able to pick you up as it clashes with his party"

Your text sounds reasonable.

nennypops Sun 20-Oct-13 10:15:47

Just send the text.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 10:17:39

Sent it smile

ChasedByBees Sun 20-Oct-13 10:18:29

How bloody rude! I'd send the text too.

ringaringarosy Sun 20-Oct-13 10:18:49

cant she get a taxi?

rockybalBOOOOa Sun 20-Oct-13 10:19:06

She has to get a taxi or change trains. Your DH cannot and should not go get her.

You could always add, "if the timing doesn't work for you, would you prefer to come a different weekend?".

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 10:37:29

What a wench! Keep updating us catgirl

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 10:41:20

I will keep updating

No reply to my last text as yet but DH will be ringing her tonight to confirm she needs to either get an earlier train or get herself to the party (which she will miss)

IHaveA Sun 20-Oct-13 10:58:50

She sounds a right mare shock

OP. I don't understand why you are dealing with any of this. I would leave everything to your DH and keep out of it completely. Your involvement make you angry. If your MIL is how you describe then I am sure she thrives on getting you riled.

Also, is it really not possible to delay your PFB's party for an hour or so.

Agree, why are you bothering? I'd text "sorry that you'll miss the party, maybe next time" and then turn your phone off.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 11:07:13

I could delay his party but I would have to re-arrange with all the other guests, buffet people, bouncy castle people etc

I could. I am just not sure why I should>

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 11:08:03

Don't delay it at all!

hackmum Sun 20-Oct-13 11:12:03

God, what a drama llama. Why do people behave like this, honestly? You gave her the timings of the party, you told her what time she needed to arrive - what other reason is there for her to behave like this other than to put everyone out?

You are doing well - stick to your guns!! If this causes lots of hassle for her, she has only herself to thank. She could have come up the day before, stayed near you, offered to help with the party arrangements, and generally been a useful, wonderful MIL/Grandma. She chose to be difficult, and must take the consequences.

Scarynuff Sun 20-Oct-13 11:45:51

I think your dh should tell her that if she doesn't change her time, she will actually miss the party and that your ds will be worn out with all the excitement so she may not get to see much of him either.

After all, the whole point is to share the occasion with him and she's going to miss it. She might as well not bother coming. You will all be knackered in the evening and she will expect you to entertain her when all you want to do is clear up and crash out.

Retroformica Sun 20-Oct-13 11:46:14

I think you need to explain that she is arriving mid party and no one will be able to collect her then. She can choose either to get public transport (bus/taxi/bus - give details) or wait till DH has finished helping at the party and can collect her or change her ticket time (small cost).

youarewinning Sun 20-Oct-13 11:50:21

You do realise she'll agree to change times, agree to be there earlier and then somehow have a major problem London End and be on that train anyway and make a HUGE fuss about how she's late because you refused to pick her up?

People like this are always the innocent and hurt party. (excuse the pun!)

RandomMess Sun 20-Oct-13 11:52:23

She's bound to have a hissy fit but you've done the right thing, you need to put your foot down with her to show that she is welcome and included but you won't give in to ridiculous demands. Your poor DH!

ginslinger Sun 20-Oct-13 12:25:50

don't you dare change the times of the party or that ridiculous old baggage will continue this behaviour for the rest of her life.

MortifiedAdams Sun 20-Oct-13 12:42:54

She sounds like a total PITA.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 12:45:42

She's texted back saying it is the first time she has been told about the party time, which is total shite as she has been told many times by myself and DH when it was and when she needed to arrive.

Have texted back saying "No, we told you several times and sent you suitable train times. I am sure you can change the tickets."

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 12:46:54

God I hate liars. Good on you for telling her straight! How bloody dare she try to monopolise all your time on your child's birthday, selfishness of the highest order

RhondaJean Sun 20-Oct-13 12:50:52

Fucking hell cat not really got anything useful to contribute others haven't said but I can't believe kittenboy is 2 already!

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 12:53:41

Hello Rhonda! smile Long time no speak - hope you are well xx

I know the time is just flying by............ x

Euphemia Sun 20-Oct-13 12:54:03

She sounds like my MIL: DH and BIL bend over backwards to make arrangements for her, she makes a huge fuss, fabricates what they have said to her, then decides not to take part in whatever it was that was arranged.

She's also in the huff with DH because he won't travel three hours to weed her garden for her (she's not physically able to do it, but she knows plenty local handymen who do this type of work), but he's been painting my dad's garden fence for him. My dad who is dying from cancer.

I hope she sees sense - leave her to it and don't let her ruin DS's party.

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 12:54:14

I didn't even know she had a little un. I remember a couple of years back me and catgirl had an argument about horses (I had a different username then)

silverten Sun 20-Oct-13 12:55:42

Grrrr on your behalf.

Well done on behaving like adults about it.

I firmly believe that if you let people take the piss so blatantly they will walk all over you, so don't allow it. It will be worth it in the end.

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 12:55:57

Tis a shame so many of us have shite mother in laws.

Do you know what mine did?

I left a big bag of malteasers in the kitchen, and a bag of revels.

I came downstairs to see she was polishing off both packs. Her excuse? 'my son owes me a pound I thought I'd just eat these instead'

hmm

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 12:56:30

blush

I was a total twunt when I joined MN Strumpetron

It's educated me though so hopefully some of my more twuntish edges have been rubbed off grin

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 12:57:14

Oh so was I catgirl in fact I got more warnings than I can count blush learning curves and all that haa

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 12:57:27

Owed her a pound so she ate the chocolates? shock

Is your MIL my MIL?

We should start a support group

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 12:58:03

Yes I still have to laugh because of the pathetic and strangeness of it all!

I think we'd have a lot of people in the group!

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 12:59:22

It would be huge smile

We would need a "bangs head against wall" emoticon

silverten Sun 20-Oct-13 13:00:56

There do seem to be an awful lot of batshit crazy MILs about ATM. Is it the weather or something?

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 13:02:06

Full moon?

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 13:02:37

Something in the water?

youarewinning Sun 20-Oct-13 13:05:35

Yeah my XMIL thinks it's perfectly acceptable for her DS not to pay maintenence for his son because her XH didn't pay any towards XP/ her DS and she coped. hmm

Might mention he didn't pay because she left him for her current DH (they've been together 20 years) and they fled the county abroad because he'd commited tax fraud to start a better life in his home country.

Scarynuff Sun 20-Oct-13 13:07:58

It's really refreshing to see someone sticking to their guns on mn. So many people back down for the safe of peace but at their own cost.

There are hundreds of posts just to vent but not actually do anything to help themselves! It's good to see you and your dh agreeing about it too. Absolute nightmare if he always gives in to mummy.

silverten Sun 20-Oct-13 13:08:20

Oh god will it still be full at the weekend? Mine is coming to see us then. We haven't met up for seven months or so now, I'm not exactly looking forward to it. I know she's angling to have DD overnight which I'm not very happy about.

But on the scale of some of the things I've read about on MN she barely registers as a one, maybe two out of ten, so perhaps it'll be ok.

RhondaJean Sun 20-Oct-13 13:08:58

Yeah it was a full moon last night.

I'm very well thanks, still working on not being a twunt mind you xx

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 13:09:41

He is pretty good at standing up to her. Which given what she has put him through is commendable.

She had him on anti-depressants when he was 10. shock

She had him exorcised at 7 or 8.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 13:10:12

Rhonda you have never been a twunt! You are the least twunty poster I know smile

silverten Sun 20-Oct-13 13:13:12

There you go. That's definitely a 10/10 on the MIL batshittery scale right there with the exorcism!

I really don't know how people used to cope with this sort of stuff before things like MN existed. It's just so, so odd you can't really believe it actually happens...

RhondaJean Sun 20-Oct-13 13:16:28

HAR I have my moments

Excorcised?

That's a whole new level of batshit crazy.

Speaking of baths hit crazy, shower time, I'm off to visit my mother this afternoon.hmm

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 13:20:08

Oh my dear god exorcised??!

anonacfr Sun 20-Oct-13 13:22:43

She had him EXORCISED????? I know it's really not funny but I am crying here.
Who the hell does that?

Ursula8 Sun 20-Oct-13 13:25:05

The more you tell us OP the more I think you should be disengaging as much as possible from MIL and minimising the contact. Putting DH on anti depressants and having him exorcised is classic narc behaviour.
Can we start the betting on what kind if stunt MIL will pull when she realises that you are not going to back down?
Heart problems? Depression? Cancer? Or just a full on RAGE?
I expect you will the get the flying monkeys sent in soon OP. Other family members to tell you to back down and how unreasonable you are being. Are your own parents aware that she is a manipulative nutjob?
Wishing you luck.

Panzee Sun 20-Oct-13 13:27:07

Exqueeze me?
Baking powder?
Exorcised? Jeez.

I think you should agree to pick her up. Then don't. And never answer the phone again. She's horrific.

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 13:27:23

It's a wonder your DH has turned out so well.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 20-Oct-13 13:36:03

God, your poor DH. Poor you. Just keep going with the broken record approach.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 13:36:43

Yup. Exorcised.

His dad had walked out not sure I blame him and DH was playing up and wouldn't go to school. One day he jumped in the garden pond so he wouldn't have to go to school because he was wet.

So, she called a church friend who exorcised him, as clearly this was a demon at work.

Instead of just putting him in some dry clothes and taking him to school and understanding it was pretty normal to play up after a parental split like everyone else. hmm

Flying monkeys will definitely be being unleashed soon.

But by the power of Mumsnet, I will NOT back down grin

kalougri Sun 20-Oct-13 13:38:07

Wow, good luck! We haven't spoken to MIL for the last 8 years apart from at a family funeral. Similar sounding sorts of behaviours from her. You have my sympathy!

Incapinka Sun 20-Oct-13 13:38:18

Can I also be a member of BSCMILs? And when is the party??!!

WingDefence Sun 20-Oct-13 13:50:12

catgirl are you me? hmm

Not because of the MIL issue but because we live 30-45 mins from Preston station and I originally am from and have family in London approx 30mins from London Bridge and I have to make that trip from home>Preston>Euston>London office a couple of times a month...

grin

WingDefence Sun 20-Oct-13 13:52:38

Oh and YANBU.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 13:56:43

WingDefence shock We are one!

I am in Lytham now. DS is from Tonbridge...

How odd! But in a nice way smile

<waves to clone self> smile

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 13:57:15

And yes,,,all can join the league and the party will feature a large amount of drinking smile <we need it>

WingDefence Sun 20-Oct-13 14:01:27

I've just realise that I was born in 1976 (assuming you were too) and I have a cat...

I'm now questioning my own existence and whether can, in fact, a sockpuppet without realising it confused

I'm not in Lytham though nor from Tonbridge but I don't want to spoil the illusion

WingDefence Sun 20-Oct-13 14:02:10

*I am not can

Goldmandra Sun 20-Oct-13 14:02:57

Good for you, standing up to her like this. She's clearly found herself a worthy opponent in this battle.

Just make sure you go through party plans well in advance and allocate your DH some very important jobs during the hour before so he knows he can't cave in and leave you in the lurch.

shock at her telling you to have a proper discussion with your parents. Cheeky mare! How old does she think you are?

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 14:05:56

Oh wow! This is getting spooky WingDefence. grin

Goldrama she thinks I am about 3 I think smile

Before the train times kerfuffle she wanted a phone call with me about meals whilst she was visiting, no doubt so she could dictate when and what I would be cooking hmm

This is a woman, who one Christmas went out and bought presents from me and DH for herself, DSIL1, DSIL2, DBIL, and DNephews and then sent me the bill. Her grounds were she knew what people wanted and it would save me the "trouble" of Christmas shopping.

hmm

BooHissy Sun 20-Oct-13 14:12:42

I know I shouldn't laugh..
But seriously? Too much!

She's off the batshit scale!

What I reckon you should do now is move the party to the week before, not tell her, and then when she turns up a week late, insist you told her when it was and that she's losing her marbles...

See if SHE'D benefit from an exorcism...

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 14:24:44

Have just emailed DSIL who lives near her. She's confirmed she didn't bother to see her DGD on her 2nd birthday the other week as she had the Bishop over from Africa and was therefore far too busy.

She hates DSIL slightly more than she hates me. Apparantly DSIL has a personality disorder and has poisoned DBIL against her sad

Sometimes I feel sorry for her - she just turns everyone away so she can play the victim but she ends up hurting herself by missing out on her grandchildren and family.

She is the polar opposite of my lovely DM who adores DS and would do anything (and frequently does) to make life easier for me and has been a huge support without ever interfering since I had him.

lunar1 Sun 20-Oct-13 14:32:49

This thread makes me see how lucky I am with my in laws. It's not always easy as there are lots of cultural differences but they would never try to cause problems.

DaleyBump Sun 20-Oct-13 14:42:47

Marking place for updates, well done catgirl!

Shellywelly1973 Sun 20-Oct-13 14:56:25

Nothing to add but your mil sounds scary!

Keep us updated.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 14:57:10

I will

I think I will be having a nice bubble bath when DH makes the call grin

onedevil Sun 20-Oct-13 15:30:18

Just read your thread - totally shocking behaviour, especially the exorcism shock

Good luck standing your ground!

Strokethefurrywall Sun 20-Oct-13 16:13:29

I hope I don't offend you by stating that I can't wait for the next update to see what your batshit MIL comes out with...

Shame she didn't get eaten by a lion whilst busting her ass round Africa!

Which town is your MIL staying in? There must be loads of hotels and B&Bs in Lytham, especially off season!

notapizzaeater Sun 20-Oct-13 16:44:39

A bath sounds like a good idea. My mil is 300 miles away, dh is an only child, we have an only child the last time she never ever rings/emails us unless to tell s what te neighbours have done. I'm soooo pleased she hates me and stays well away. Dh rings birthday/Xmas/mothers day .....

As luck would have it catgirl we are actually in your neck of the woods this weekend for a gourmet break (psyched) but I think DP would more than understand if I explained our plans had changed slightly and we were picking up your MIL from the station and taking her to the party, en route giving her a little bit of objective advice about, you know, being a normal human being.

In the meantime, I think any MNer worth her salt would get DH to conduct the conversation on speakerphone tonight, record it, and then post it here for our edification. Looking forward to it...

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 17:46:43

grin Stinking - careful, I might take you up on that...especially the bit about giving her some 'objective advice' smile

Gourmet break sounds amazing!

There are loads of B&Bs in Lytham but she has decided to stay in on at the other end of St. Annes for no apparent reason. And she was more than welcome to stay here or at DMs.

MammaTJ Sun 20-Oct-13 17:54:55

You stick to your guns Catgirl, I do not have you down as a walkover and don't want to be wrong!

Mellowandfruitful Sun 20-Oct-13 18:14:17

Amazing that someone who has travelled round Africa alone can't manage more than one visit to their grandson before he turns 2, and that a trip across England is such a palaver. Don't cave!

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 18:17:40

I won't cave smile

I can't now - you'll all throw things at me grin

DH is ringing her later tonight, so I will come back and update

IHaveA Sun 20-Oct-13 18:21:03

Does your MIL know what you think of her?

edam Sun 20-Oct-13 18:22:44

oh good grief, she sounds unhinged. V amusing thread to read but NOT to take part in, I'm sure!

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 18:26:26

IHaveA

I try to be polite and welcoming as she is DHs mother and DS's grandmother. I try to stand up to her when she is being difficult which doesn't go down well, but I haven't taken to hurling insults at her.

BooHissy Sun 20-Oct-13 18:29:38

Does DH need to call later? Hasn't what needed to be said already been said?

I'd get him to leave it, you told her to change times, she's lied queried if, and you've set her straight.

She just needs to either change her tickets or sort her own travel and hotel etc out.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:12:10

DH is on the phone to MIL now.

There are raised voices and him saying "I TOLD you the time of the party. It does NOT take over an hour to get from London Bridge to Euston on the tube".

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:13:25

"It's 6 stops on the Northern Line"

Scarynuff Sun 20-Oct-13 20:14:46

Why is he even allowing himself to be drawn into a discussion about it. If she wants to come, she can. End of.

RandomMess Sun 20-Oct-13 20:15:27

Hopefully she'll get in a huff and decide not to come!

Your dh is pretty amazing in standing up to her good on him smile

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:17:44

It's sounding looking like it's going that way Random

RandomMess Sun 20-Oct-13 20:19:01

Doesn't matter what your dh says or does she will always badmouth at least this way you don't have the drama of her being there as well.

Still it's sad though isn't it, that it has to be that way sad

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:19:17

From the sounds of it she is now going on about how hard it is to make the journey and the expense

petalsandstars Sun 20-Oct-13 20:19:57

The County is always nice when we visit Lytham OP smile

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:20:35

It is very sad for DH sad I really feel for him sad

It's rotten. His family are never there for him

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:21:11

I suggested the Country petal - its not too pricey this time of year and a 2 minute walk away!

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:21:35

Pop in for wine next time you are up!

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:24:08

Oh god, dh is losing his rag now sad

fluffyraggies Sun 20-Oct-13 20:28:52

Came on to post that she had the Bishop over from Africa sounds like an interesting euphemism ...

sad to hear DH is getting the rage.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:29:01

She's actually just said she feels it's all revolving around DS's party shock

No fucking shit Sherlock

petalsandstars Sun 20-Oct-13 20:29:14

Oh dear, at least he's on your side though.

My DH spent lots of time in childhood summers with GPs there and <outs self> my BIL got stuck in the sand once as a child.

Some nice shops to wander round too <derails thread>

IHaveA Sun 20-Oct-13 20:29:23

sad. Your poor DH. Its a shame for him. I am glad he is standing up for himself.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:30:33

I snigger every time she mentions what she's been up to with the Bishop grin

nennypops Sun 20-Oct-13 20:30:44

If the journey's too difficult and too expensive for her, sounds like she'd better stay at home. grin

It's rotten. His family are never there for him

Actually his family are there for him as you and DS are his family now. She sounds... A bit of a handful? Well done both of you for standing your ground.

fluffyraggies Sun 20-Oct-13 20:31:00

Well of course it's all about the party! hmmangry

That's why she's coming over isn't it?? Lord.

She's actually just said she feels it's all revolving around DS's party

No! shock

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:34:22

angry

DH has given her the option of getting an earlier train or getting a connecting train to near DMs.

She's crying and saying we don't want her there

DH is not giving in but I can tell this is upsetting him

fluffyraggies Sun 20-Oct-13 20:34:22

There is something quite stupidly funny about any random sentence with the word bishop in it - yes grin

Quality time with the bishop?

RandomMess Sun 20-Oct-13 20:34:35

She's actually just said she feels it's all revolving around DS's party

That made me laugh out loud - OMG total narc

BooHissy Sun 20-Oct-13 20:35:21

Ah, you see, this is why I said for him to leave it.

Sounds like he's fighting the good fight though.

COME ON MRCAT!

fluffyraggies Sun 20-Oct-13 20:35:30

sad

Poor DH.

So hard for him not to engage in all this though.

KittiesInsane Sun 20-Oct-13 20:35:47

Does he need the power of MN dictating handy phrases for him to use in return?

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:36:53

She's going to think about the two options as they are both very, very hard for her.

Regardless, when she does arrive she will be disrupting DS's party and going on about how hard^ it has all been.

I am normally fairly resonable but if she ruins things for my gorgeous little PFB I will not be held responsible for where I shove a party sausage roll

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:37:28

Ooh yes please Kitties grin

Am so proud of him standing his ground

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 20:37:58

Poor Mr Cat. Tell him the MNers have his back wink

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 20:38:57

Feck the sausage roll, I'd go for a cheese and pickle on a cocktail stick

CaptainSweatPants Sun 20-Oct-13 20:39:40

Well done op's dh for sticking to his guns

And op have a well deserved medal for being the best updating op ever!!

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:39:43

Spikey smile

Mckayz Sun 20-Oct-13 20:39:53

Good on your DH!!

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:40:31

It's winding up now

From the sounds of it she is going to have a think about whether it is too much trouble to come at all

Poor DH sad

BooHissy Sun 20-Oct-13 20:41:18

I'd go for the whole fecking cheese and pineapple hedgehog!

Love, know know she'll ruin the party if she swoops in...

Something is going to have to be said, or it will be her last party invitation.

BooHissy Sun 20-Oct-13 20:42:05

If she doesn't come, that's her decision.

Remember that?

edam Sun 20-Oct-13 20:42:57

oh poor dh, that is rotten. What a cow to delight in making her son so miserable.

Well done that man though, would it cheer him up to know MNers are right behind both of you?

Ivanapoo Sun 20-Oct-13 20:43:38

What a manipulative douchebag she is.

At this rate I'd probably tell her not to come...

olympicsrock Sun 20-Oct-13 20:43:42

Come on Mr Cat we're all rooting for you!

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:43:57

It would smile

I will tell him

As soon as he is off the phone he is getting a huge hug and a huge wine and I will tell him MN were proud of him

petalsandstars Sun 20-Oct-13 20:44:25

That may be a blessing in disguise - as at least you can both focus on having a good party without the extra stress you know would occur.

But sad that MIL can't put anyone else first

Lots of wine for you and MrCat

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:45:20

Have just heard him say

"The only person making this difficult is you"

Am proud of him but sad for him

BooHissy Sun 20-Oct-13 20:45:24

Would he want to come on here himself?

MrsRoss26 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:46:35

I had to comment (for a change) just to say your dh is an absolute star! Well done to both of you for standing your ground, your MIL sounds like a cowbag.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 20:47:18

Right - he's hanging up (or trying too) - I'm going to give him a bloody big hug and tell him if he wants a cheer to get himself on MN

I shall update further as things progress

olympicsrock Sun 20-Oct-13 20:48:37

We would all of course love you to be here on DS's special day but understand if you are not able to be here.
That doesn,t work for us....
No (it's a complete sentence)

Mckayz Sun 20-Oct-13 20:52:59

Your poor DH. It isn't hard to just book the right tickets in the first place

wine for poor Mr Cat.

Goldmandra Sun 20-Oct-13 20:54:14

Well done Mr Catgirl.

I felt like shit when I had to do this with my DM but once she got them message that I wouldn't be bullied into letting her rule our lives she changed her tune and our relationship is now all the better for it.

This will be hard for a while but should make it much easier for you all to spend pleasant time together in the future when she's not chasing bishops round villages in Africa.

Mellowandfruitful Sun 20-Oct-13 20:59:22

Fgs. 'You don't want me there' - well, if you get this train that you've actually booked, you won't be there because you'll miss it!

Plus how can a train to the north of England be very hard, very expensive etc to someone who's travelled alone on another continent? It makes no sense.

Do tell your DH he's done the right thing in difficult circumstances.

Daiso Sun 20-Oct-13 21:00:44

Nothing exciting to post, just marking place to join the BSMIL club.

youarewinning Sun 20-Oct-13 21:01:54

We'll done Mr Catgirl.

RandomMess Sun 20-Oct-13 21:02:08

She's just barking, well done Mr Cat.

olympicsrock Sun 20-Oct-13 21:02:26

Definitely stand your ground. My grandmother was like this. She did it every bloody christmas ruining it for us, we picked her up every christmas eve and there was always a hoo ha. My poor mum put up with it for 23 years, until she died. Wished she had just sais come if you want to but don't if you don't.

justmyview Sun 20-Oct-13 21:05:04

Ah, poor Mr Cat but agree with BooHissy that if she ends up not coming, that is her choice. If necessary, let her be the martyr this time and hope she behaves more reasonably next time

CeliaFate Sun 20-Oct-13 21:05:13

Your dh sounds like a complete star. Well done for sticking up for yourselves.

RudolphLovesoftplay Sun 20-Oct-13 21:14:13

Your DH is a legend smile

oldgrandmama Sun 20-Oct-13 21:17:24

TAXI! They're always at stations.

well done mr Cat

youretoastmildred Sun 20-Oct-13 21:18:08

Manly back-slap to MrCat.

You know you can tell what sort of person the MIL is just from this detail: "I will be out till after 5 so phone me then". No, if it is not convenient for you to talk now, then you call back later, not ask the other person to call again at your convenience. This is the kind of detail that sticks out a mile for me these days and brings out very petty behaviour in me (like even if the message was not, as it is in this case, "phone me later even though I have all the info I need so I can manipulate you" - even if there was actually a genuine need to discuss something - I would text something like "hope you are having a lovely day / good meeting / whatever the thing is, understand you can't talk now, happy for you to call whenever you are free, I am home after ypm")

Christelle2207 Sun 20-Oct-13 21:38:23

Rooting for Mr cat.

Clutterbugsmum Sun 20-Oct-13 21:39:57

Well done OP DH.

I hope you told how stupid she sounds when she manage to cross Africa by herself, but is incapable of getting a train to where you live.

sicutlilium Sun 20-Oct-13 21:42:29

Tell her to stop off in Wigan on the way and pick up some Uncle Joe's Mint Balls from the Santus toffee factory for your long-suffering DH.

Strumpetron Sun 20-Oct-13 21:51:14

Oh don't bring her to Wigan! I live near the factory I don't want to see her ha.

sicutlilium Sun 20-Oct-13 22:00:46

I lived there when I was little - the Hollies then Woodfield Infants & Juniors. I remember Copper Toe in Mesnes Park. As well as the Mint Balls (which you can now get in north London) I liked the lollies with the nursery rhyme pictures on the wrappers.

BanjoPlayingTiger Sun 20-Oct-13 22:02:13

I am agog at the idea that she is shocked that it is all about your ds party!

Your DH is a star.

I also now really want some Uncle Joe's mintballs. We can't get them up here.

sicutlilium Sun 20-Oct-13 22:08:15

Order online: www.uncle-joes.com/

BanjoPlayingTiger Sun 20-Oct-13 22:15:14

Ooooh! Early birthday present to myself coming up! Result grin

MammaTJ Sun 20-Oct-13 22:20:35

MrCat is awesome!

That is all!

FunnyRunner Sun 20-Oct-13 22:29:58

<High fives MrCat>

I do feel sad for your DH. People like this are horrible sad As for classic narc lines, 'You're making DS's party all about DS's party!' has to be up there with the best of them hmm

sicutlilium Sun 20-Oct-13 22:31:07

Banjo wash them down with hot Vimto.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 22:34:11

Poor Mr. Cat

He was also heroic and rock-like on the phone to MIL

Then later, after a wine or two he has turned to me and said

"I just wanted it to be nice for DS. For him to meet his granny now he understands a bit more. Your family are great and so involved with him and I love that, but I wanted him to know there is another part of his family on my side. But there isn't"

sadsadsad

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 22:34:42

Have told him that I, DS and the whole of MN think he is a legend though.

Goldmandra Sun 20-Oct-13 22:36:54

Oh that's really sad.

I want to give him a big hug now.

Your DS is lucky to have such lovely parents. He doesn't need someone in his life who will behave like this but I hope the African bishop appreciates her.

Goldmandra Sun 20-Oct-13 22:37:27

Have told him that I, DS and the whole of MN think he is a legend though.

Too right! grin

Chippednailvarnish Sun 20-Oct-13 22:37:53

I think if Granny Cat visits, Mr Cat should get Mr Exorcist to give Granny Cat a taste of her own medicine...

itsmeisntit Sun 20-Oct-13 22:41:57

Mr Cat has been like a lion today protecting his family. Boy did he roar grin

You are a very lucky lady Catgirl

CoconutRing Sun 20-Oct-13 22:42:45

I think it's really sad that MIL has only seen your DS once in two years.

Kudos to your DH. Legend.

catgirl1976 Sun 20-Oct-13 22:53:18

She's seen him 3 times as we have been down there twice but it is still not enough

In the 16 years he has been up North, she has been here 3 times and his brother and sister have never managed it. His dad walked out when he was 7 and he never saw or heard from him again.

The last time we went down MIL and BIL had a huge screaming match which me and SIL removed the children from. BIL hasn't spoken to MIL since and eloped to get married to save having her at a wedding

It's all very sad.

Mymumsfurcoat Sun 20-Oct-13 22:57:01

Some families are rubbish, Catgirl. But yours sounds lovely, and I'm sure Mr Catgirl feels he's landed on his feet. All you can do is make what you have as strong as what he came from was weak. But it's rubbish for him.

CoconutRing Sun 20-Oct-13 23:02:12

I misunderstood - sorry.

Ah your poor DH. So glad you have a nice family to welcome him and be there for your DS though. My family are crap but DHs is brilliant and it makes a big difference to my life.

TinTinsSexySister Sun 20-Oct-13 23:39:04

Mr Cat is my hero! That must have been so hard for him but bloody hell he managed it.

Legend.

Retroformica Mon 21-Oct-13 00:16:30

If she does come and goes on on about how hard it's been travelling tell her 'oh yes must have been hard but at least you are here now and then change the subject totally.

ZillionChocolate Mon 21-Oct-13 08:44:02

Not as hard as three months in Africa, surely?

You will never make her happy and you will never argue her into reason, so don't try. Well done Mr Catgirl for being firm.

dawntigga Mon 21-Oct-13 09:05:15

Honestly OP, if my mother was alive she'd but JUST like this, it's much easier that she isn't.

Mr Cat is brilliant and so are you!

HadHerCrematedJustInCaseTiggaxx

Tigga That is your best sign off yet! grin

<doing the English thing of ignoring the tragedy and seeing only the humour>

tigga - I just snorted vary unattractively at your sign-off. grin.

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 10:20:44

Tigga grin grin grin

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 13:09:34

Hmm. Have had 3 missed calls from DH's sister.......

Goldmandra Mon 21-Oct-13 13:15:51

I did wonder what your MIL would do next. They generally don't fall at the first hurdle.

Are you going to return the call?

MysteriousHamster Mon 21-Oct-13 13:20:43

The thing is, yes the whole day will revolve around your DS's party, because it's his birthday and she's coming for the party!

I'd go mad trying to reason with her.

I think they will try and guilt you into accommodating her, but it's so silly when she could easily fix it herself.

Do try to stay strong (and DH) and resist.

Goldmandra Mon 21-Oct-13 13:25:39

I think the Cat family realise that if they cave now they will regret it for years.

Maybe your SIL is calling to tell your DH he's a legend too grin

I was lurking and I have to take my hat of to Mr Catgirl. You both handled the situation brilliantly.

I'm wondering whether you'll be back in touch with your SIL? If you do make contact I'd do it in a very non-committal way.
For example, if you text her back "Hi SIL, I see that I have a few missed calls from you. What's up?" and let her fill in all the details. Don't agree to do anything that you don't want to.

I have a feeling that your MIL phoned her after the phonecall to your DH and she is getting involved in the situation as a result.

Best of luck to you sorting this out!

I was well chuffed for Mr. Catgirl for handling the phone call so well last night so I was!

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 13:45:21

Yes - MIL has definitely gone straight to SIL for support.

I have texted her back saying "Hi, SIL. Hope you are ok. Am at work right now but will get DH to give you a ring at some point"

DH says he will ring SIL (she is generally pretty reasonable and knows exactly what MIL is like) but won't be caving to any pressure.

I will continue to update smile

ZenNudist Mon 21-Oct-13 13:46:57

It's a shame but sounds like your ds is best off not getting to know her. From your first post is assumed you were really out in the sticks but I know your area. There is no way I'd expect to pick up from Preston when it's easy to get a connecting train to Blackpool (north or south) from there it's an easy cab ride or plenty of public transport to lytham. It is a long journey she's doing but sounds like it needs to be better planned than arriving last minute on the day of the party. Hey ho, at least you got dh to sort it.

Does that mean she's now fallen out with both her sons?

But she sounds like she has to have everything revolve around her.

FairyJen Mon 21-Oct-13 14:53:46

Feel so sad for mr cat but well done BOTH of you!

eatriskier Mon 21-Oct-13 16:03:46

So nice to see a DH standing up for his family, too many seem to put their own dysfunctional ones before they're own kids and relationships. flowers to Mr Cat.

FrankieStien Mon 21-Oct-13 16:24:11

Mr Cat is righteous dude.

I wouldn't be suprised if MIL now develops a "mysterious illness", Cargirl. That's what mine does when someone stands up to her.

Scarynuff Mon 21-Oct-13 16:29:32

Are you starting to regret inviting her in the first place yet? Let that be a lesson to you. No more invites and definitely do not make the journey to hers for Christmas (at least not without changing your plans 90 million times).

WingDefence Mon 21-Oct-13 16:33:45

Oh catgirl, why do families have to be like this? Since we moved up here 2.5 years ago, my DPs have also moved up here. However my 'D'Bro and SIL have taken such umbrage at firstly us moving and now our DPs that they have cut themselves off from all of us, as well as our extended family (cousins, aunts & uncles etc), who we've always been close to. It's heartbreaking for all our DCs mostly. sad

Anyway, keep going Mr Cat. wine for all.

KittyLane1 Mon 21-Oct-13 16:37:50

Been lurking since the first post. Your MIL sounds like a massive unreasonable pain in the arse OP!

You know for a fact she has done all of this on purpose, cause you a panic, ego trip when you rearrange your plans to suit hers and then the grand entrance mid party when she will announce her arrival, hog the bday boy and produce a massively ott present.
My MIL can be bad (randomly picking fault at me in front of everyone because she wanted dd to wear different shoes) but not this bad!

Well done to Mr Cat, Mr Lane stood up to MIL Loon Lane once and she took to her bed with hysterics

Fantastic post, tigga
Been lurking all day OP, I hope that DS has a great party and that you all enjoy yourselves. I think if MIL doesn't rearrange to come at a more convenient time - eg. the day before tbh; I'd suggest that the following weekend would actually be better anyway. Then you can all have plenty of time to catch up on the last 2 years without it "all being about DS's party"

youarewinning Mon 21-Oct-13 17:54:20

DS would like to know why I have coke coming out of my nose.

If he was old enough to understand it I'd show him tiggas sign off. grin

how absolutely bloody horrendous. very sad for your dh but he really is brilliant for standing up to the witch. yes, she is a witch.

Youhaventseenme Mon 21-Oct-13 18:21:48

Just booking my place. grin

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 18:23:31

It will br around 9 when he rings SIL.............I shall keep you posted smile

Goldmandra Mon 21-Oct-13 18:32:55

Please do. You have us all agog for the next installment.

I really hope his sister is supportive.

Strumpetron Mon 21-Oct-13 18:46:10

This has kept me so entertained! Sorry Cat I know it's awful for you but I've never been this happy at a result since Neville Longbottom saved the day in HP.

I hope SIL hasn't fallen for any nonsense.

kiriwawa Mon 21-Oct-13 18:55:55

It is very pleasing and very unusual for posters to post their dilemma, be entirely righteous in their unreasonableness, stand up to toxic bullies AND update so regularly. Good work catgirl and mrcat thlgrin

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 18:57:18

grin Strumperton

MIL has just texted me saying that, apparently, she has just had a call from the B&B she was booked into and they had forgotten they were actually away that weekend and can't accommodate her and all the other B&Bs and hotels in LSA are fully booked

[hmm Quick check on late rooms rather blows that out of the water but...

Anyway, this is so much of a blow to her that she feels it just isn't meant to be. She just hopes she can get a refund from Virgin (because that's what matters, not her DS or DGS)

hmm

Good for me really that she isn't coming, but it's shitty for DH and DS is missing out on one side of his family (and however terrible they are, they are his family.)

I'm torn between joy DS can have his day with no problems and feeling really sad for DH

I've texted her back saying that is a shame but I have found several places with vacancies. If she wishes to come up I will forward them to her but if she has made the choice not to then although we are disappointed we respect her decision.

(Just making sure it's clear SHE has CHOSEN not to come)

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 18:57:57

Thank you kiri

sicutlilium Mon 21-Oct-13 19:02:18

Text her again and say you will double-check with the B&B she had booked into...

MissStrawberry Mon 21-Oct-13 19:03:48

I feel for your DH. My family don't give a shit. Haven't seen my mother for 24 years and only seen my father twice in all of my life. Occasional card exchange with an uncle but haven't seen him for 12 years.

It does feel shit my kids have only half a family but tell your ADH (Amazing DH) that he did good and his son will understand when he is older.

You've worded that well catgirl.
I'm sure you'll be relieved if she doesn't come but it's crap for your DH.

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:05:14

I;m so tempted to check with them

She's replied to me now saying

"Don't bother. I really feel we are not meant to come. I really liked that B&B and the owner said all B&B owners go away in November so there won't be any vacancies and I can't afford to spend any more."

I have replied saying "I have found loads for you. All under the price you were paying at that one. But if you have decided you don't want to come, I understand".

God knows why I am almost pushing her to come. I just feel the need to challenge the blatent bullshit.

I might just ring her B&B and ask if they have any vacancies that weekend.

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:05:51

Thanks Miss S and Sauvignon

FriskyHenderson Mon 21-Oct-13 19:05:53

That's a turn up. She seems to have given in/up suspiciously remarkably easily. I would have expected a few more days of histrionics and an illness.

sicutlilium Mon 21-Oct-13 19:09:04

Definitely check - she's really over-egging the story, and it might be handy to have evidence of an out-and-out lie in your armoury.

Chippednailvarnish Mon 21-Oct-13 19:10:23

You're a born diplomat, I would have told her where to stick her B&B. Maybe you could surprise her with a trip to Uncle Brian's B&B in Blackpool (or am I confusing you with someone else)?

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:12:41

Hmm

The B&B went to answerphone. It's showing as having rooms on Laterooms but I suppose they might not have updated it or something.

I'll try again in the morning

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:13:32

Oh wow! Uncle Brians! I have never stayed there but I was on that thread!

PERFECT

I'll pay for it myself as a little treat grin grin

Genius smile

Chippednailvarnish Mon 21-Oct-13 19:14:50

Fuck it Cat, I'll pay for it!! She deserves it grin

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:15:40

grin

Oh my god I would love that

I can't stop chuckling now

Chippednailvarnish Mon 21-Oct-13 19:19:40

Anyone else want to chip in for her train fare?

youarewinning Mon 21-Oct-13 19:19:57

Think I'm developing a very inappropriate internet crush on you catgirl blush

[hgrin]

Keep going - your doing so well.

VikingLady Mon 21-Oct-13 19:20:28

Uncle Brian's?

youarewinning Mon 21-Oct-13 19:20:36

and the Halloween code has changed

[thigrin]

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:20:50

Oooh interesting

In her text she said the B&B had forgotten they had a booking.

On Laterooms, they are full on the Friday night and only have 1 room left on the Sat and Sunday.

So they a) have more than "a booking" and

b) are pretty much full out of season but would rather cancel bookings than change the date of thier weekend away....

Seems an odd way to do business in this difficult economic climate....turning away near full occupancy and losing repeat custom.

Still. what do I know.......

youarewinning Mon 21-Oct-13 19:21:11

<learns to read>

Voila thlgrin

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:22:48

blush winning grin thanks

Viking - I will see if I can find the Uncle Brian thread, but in the meantime here is a link to their website

[[http://www.uncle-brians-hotel-blackpool.co.uk/cumforth/ here]

Apparently Uncle Brian is very "hands on" - the reviews on the website make some terrifying interesting reading

Chippednailvarnish Mon 21-Oct-13 19:22:57
catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:23:08

here

oops - link fail

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:23:25

x posts grin

Fecklessdizzy Mon 21-Oct-13 19:24:27

Oooh, the plot thickens ... [thiwink]

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:25:13

proper link

the website has moved - you need this one for the full effect smile

Fecklessdizzy Mon 21-Oct-13 19:25:35

FFS! thlwink

Mckayz Mon 21-Oct-13 19:29:39

Please book her into Uncle Brian's grin

Annianni Mon 21-Oct-13 19:32:30

I'm available on Saturday (I'm local to you) and would love to pick her up from Preston station and drive her to your parents, scary b'pool hotel... Anywhere you want...

Please grin

youarewinning Mon 21-Oct-13 19:37:34

Jeez never expected to click a clink and have Uncle Brian sing to me thlgrin

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:44:03

grin Annianni

I'm so tempted to text her back and say that the wonderful people of MN are so touched by her plight they are willing to collect her and take her to an all expenses paid night in a wonderful local B&B where the hospitality, is , erm, legendary grin grin

Goldmandra Mon 21-Oct-13 19:44:16

How sad that she would rather save face by cancelling the whole trip than behave reasonably.

It's a good job your DH has a lovely family in you, your DS and your extended family. I'm sure they'll take great pleasure in making the day all about your DS's party.

I hope she realises soon that she's cutting off her nose to spite her face and can find another time to visit.

Debs75 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:44:51

Bookmarking to see what excuse she will come up with now.

OP my MIL lives only 6 miles away and she has only seen my DD 3 times. I'm afraid that if they don't want to visit they won't regardless of disatnce

she's clearly bullshitting. she wants to play victim. all about her.

Chippednailvarnish Mon 21-Oct-13 19:48:55

I'll even stretch to paying for her and the Bishop too.

KittyLane1 Mon 21-Oct-13 19:53:03

Damn chipped you beat me to it!

Arf @ Tigga

Mr Cat is my new hero.

As an aside, why is he Mr Catgirl and not Catboy? I guess Catboy is the DS. Don't mind me grin

Annianni Mon 21-Oct-13 20:01:02

I really don't mind.
After a journey with my 2 year old singing wind the bobbin up full blast and my 9 year old talking about mine craft non stop, she'd be glad to get to the scary b&b grin

KittyLane1 Mon 21-Oct-13 20:08:07

Uncle Brian can get her a litre of vodka to share with the rowdy ladz on tour (read the guestbook!)

CrapBag Mon 21-Oct-13 20:25:56

Stop engaging with this idiot and accept she won't be part of her DGCs life!! grin Has made for funny reading though, her attempts to make it all about her.

Ok I know that's hard for your DH. My Mil, nothing like yours, but everything has to be on her terms, we live 10 minutes away and she doesn't visit us. DD (our youngest) is nearly 3 and she has been to our house twice in that time. She always expects DH to go to her house, which he does. I know it makes him sad that she isn't a hands on GM like we both had growing up, but MIL is far too selfish to be that. She is very me, me, me. I don't engage with her at all and leave it all up to DH. He mainly does things out of duty, not because he actually wants to spend time with her.

DH does like my family though and they are the ones who get to spend more time with our kids, because they actually take more of an interest and can be bothered, very much unlike DH's family. I won't pander to anyone.

At least you know next time not to bother inviting her in the first place!! Don't let her spoil the party. I love making a big fuss of my children's birthdays. I only remember ever having a few parties and have never really had a big deal made out of my birthday so I am determined to do it for mine, whether anyone thinks it is over the top or not, it gives me great pleasure to see my children happy.

CrapBag Mon 21-Oct-13 20:27:27

I'm actually surprised that your DH bothers at all with her weird behaviour when he was younger!!!! She sounds unhinged. At least he has managed to turn out alright by the sounds of it.

Well done Catboy for not pandering to stupid demands. grin

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 20:29:00

It's sad how many rubbish MILs there are out there, missing out on relationships with lovely DGs.

Seems such a shame. When I am a MIL I am determined to be a good one!

MommyBird Mon 21-Oct-13 20:38:31

Just read your whole thread! Are we related?!

My MIL is the exact same. Manages to play the victim, turn everything into a massive deal, won't see DDs unless we make the effort to collect her, bullshits, lets DDs down, is ill alot, never says sorry..etcetc.

We cut her off 2 weeks ago.
Its been fabulous.

She is obviously telling lies and playing the victim about DSs birthday. You are both doing so well, keep it up!

Good luck wine

Chippednailvarnish Mon 21-Oct-13 20:40:40

My mil left DS's birthday party halfway through "to miss the traffic", but still managed to stop at a restaurant for lunch on the way home...

Wait until I'm picking her care home.

MadameGazelleIsMyMum Mon 21-Oct-13 20:49:28

MrCat is a legend! Wonder if MIL will be ill any time soon?

CrapBag Mon 21-Oct-13 20:52:37

"When I am a MIL I am determined to be a good one"

Me too! I'm hoping to have a good relationship with my childrens partners and be a hands on GM who doesn't make everything about her. I want to be like my nan, bloody fantastic who never ever wants anything and would put herself out for us all of the time. It makes me sad when my nan wants to do more for my children but health means she can't, yet MIL is fit and healthy, has tons of free time but never ever takes an interest in her DGC.

DH actually turned to me a while ago and said "I hope I am a better GP than my mum is"

I told him of course he would be, because he would want to be whereas she doesn't really care.

timidviper Mon 21-Oct-13 20:57:10

Hi catgirl I am at the top end of St Annes if you need any help to run covert ops up here!
I think the solution would be for us to adopt MrCat so he could have a nice family locally too (blowing my own trumpet there!) I could do with a lovely toddler to play with now and again too!

Definitely think you should send her to Uncle Brians. Was it him who was, shall we say, inappropriate with some guests? She might learn a whole new meaning of bishop-bashing! grin

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 21:00:15

Hey viper <waves>

That's lovely smile

Why don't we arrange a little play date daytime wine smile

timidviper Mon 21-Oct-13 21:01:26

Sounds great to me! We really should do that smile

WingDefence Mon 21-Oct-13 21:02:15

Good luck to Mr Cat (I'm imagining some jazz dude when I type that) when he talks to SIL tonight.

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 21:03:22

Mr Cat loves Thrusk smile

Timid - PM me and we'll arrange something smile x

Scarynuff Mon 21-Oct-13 21:07:36

Catgirl my MIL also suffered the MIL from hell but she was a 1960s housewife and had to put up with most of it. The silver lining is that she vowed she would never, ever be like that and she is the most wonderful MIL, we all adore her.

<silver lining> grin

PS is dh going to speak to SIL anyway, just to find out what your MIL tried to get her to do/say on her behalf?

Icepilot Mon 21-Oct-13 21:09:55

Wasn't meant to be? hmm

Who is she; mystic fucking meg?

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 21:33:59

grin @ mystic meg

edam Mon 21-Oct-13 21:38:17

My Gran vowed never to be the MIL from hell. Sadly her good intentions were not fulfilled... you really have to stay on top of this stuff, not just promise it and then start behaving like a diva!

LongTailedTit Mon 21-Oct-13 21:50:51

I've been reading this thread out to DH and after his shock face recovered its usual composure, he said;
"Surely she can just pack her broomstick and get to the party on that". grin

Seriously impressed at your DHs fortitude OP, and yours too. It must be so wearing having to deal with her, especially in such contrast with your parents.

DawnTigga made me guffaw grin

bubalou Mon 21-Oct-13 22:31:51

Hi catgirl,

Been lurking and reading all the way through - my god you and your poor DH.

I too am part of the awful MIL club and my DH used to think that all the stuff she said to me and all the insults were 'in my head' and she didn't mean them that way etc, etc.

I didn't want him to resent me so I backed away and eventually she showed her true colours without my assistance and he finally saw what she was really like.

Good luck with your ds party, the main things is that you all have a great day and don't give a second thought to that twunt that's caused all this hassle grin

Oh Catgirl your poor DH. She sounds a bloody nightmare.

As an aside, I am crying at the reviews of Uncle Brian's, the cobweb on the toast rack did for me. grin

Hope your kitten has a wonderful birthday with the absence of the drama llama.

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 23:12:05

Howling at the broomstick comment!

Thank you everyone for wishing DS a lovely birthday thanks

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 23:16:04

I've put a picture of DS on my profile.

I know it's terribly PFB of me, but I cannot understand how anyone could find a train journey too much trouble when he's at the end of it blush

Sorry. PFBtastic I know

Scarynuff Mon 21-Oct-13 23:16:27

AlexReid you could change your name to AlexReidsLonelyBraaaaaaaiiiiincell and enter the Hallowe'en name change competition.

<helpful> smile

Scarynuff Mon 21-Oct-13 23:18:05

Never mind ds, is that the Legend formerly known as Mr Cat!!

MintyChops Mon 21-Oct-13 23:18:46

Hey Catgirl, your MIL is a loon, well done for standing up to her. Out of interest blatant nosiness did your DH speak to your SIL? Just wondering if MIL was trying to get her to try to persuade you to talk MIL into changing her mind and going.....

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 23:19:29

Oh, and DH called his sister.

She was very supportive and thought we'd done the right thing. She'd had an hour of hysterics from MIL but was very much in our corner.

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 23:20:04

grin

That is he scary

am vair lucky

Scarynuff Mon 21-Oct-13 23:21:41

<swoons> grin

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 23:22:12

I am very proud of him right now.

He has done me and DS proud on this one.

MintyChops Mon 21-Oct-13 23:23:47

Glad DH's sister was supportive..... Your DS is v cute and as for Mr Catgirl......<fans self>.......<shakes Catgirl's hand to congratulate her>

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 23:24:18

Anyone who knows my posts will know we have had a lot of problems lately but he has really been working hard to change, and although we've still got some work to do, he really has been stepping up and trying so hard.

<will stop being soppy now>

catgirl1976 Mon 21-Oct-13 23:24:41

grin minty

silverten Tue 22-Oct-13 06:30:01

Aw bless. Well done mr catgirl. No one has the right to behave so badly and get away with it.

Hope you all have a lovely party.

Mckayz Tue 22-Oct-13 07:56:38

Well done Mr Catgirl, very pleased that SIL is on your side too.

I hope your DS has a great party!

eatriskier Tue 22-Oct-13 11:54:35

Hope your DS' party goes really well. TBH it'll probably go better without them there.

Please tell me though that any trips to them over Xmas you're going to make a point of making it 'all about the birth of christ' wink

dubstarr73 Tue 22-Oct-13 14:16:42

Your ds is an absolute dot,its her loss.Your doing the right thing

anonacfr Tue 22-Oct-13 14:25:49

Come on, please call him Catboy! grin

2rebecca Tue 22-Oct-13 14:31:13

I think his birthday will be much better without her in it. No granny is much better than diva me me me granny.
Once she cancelled I'm surprised you tried to get her to change her mind, her coming is in no-one's best interests.

ceebie Tue 22-Oct-13 15:14:31

Catgirl, did you phone the B&B to see if they were closing for the weekend <trying desperately to keep up with events>

ceebie Tue 22-Oct-13 15:29:28

Also, just wanted to say that I think you are doing the right thing to encourage her to come (not for her sake or yours, but for MrCat and kittenboy), but refusing to cave in to her disruptive plans.

If she can't make it, could you suggest she come up the following weekend for a special little belated birthday tea with just the four of you? It could revolve entirely around her, which your DS won't mind as he's only 2 and she'd be in her element, and you could tolerate it as at least the limelight wasn't stolen from kittenboy's actual party. And it would demonstrate that you do want to see her. You could arrange the special little birthday tea for 5:30pm, and then she could book a train to arrive at 7pm when it's kittenboy's bathtime / bedtime, and everyone would enjoy the hysteria caused by more ridiculously unworkable plans!

catgirl1976 Tue 22-Oct-13 15:56:04

I called the B&B. They have rooms on the Friday and Sunday but are full on the Saturday..........no mention of going away

I'm keeping that one as reserve ammo for the future should I ever need it............

MissStrawberry Tue 22-Oct-13 16:07:14

<wants to cuddle adorable kitten boy>
<wants to hang out with MrCatwink>
<wants to remind catgirl she is a strong woman and not one to take nonsense from a pathetic attention seeker>

Gorgeous family. Don't let the silly cow spoil it.

Thumbwitch Tue 22-Oct-13 16:17:01

Hi catgirl, just read your whole thread. I have nothing new nor useful to add but just wanted to give a big CHEER!! to MrCat for being a superhero and standing up to his PITA narc mum; and to say your PFB is delightful, and frankly doesn't deserve to have his party trashed by said narc turning up and making it All About Her.

Believe her when she says it "isn't meant to be" - she has made it so (Picard).

She Just Doesn't Want To Come if she can't make it all high drama about herself, so she's fucked it up deliberately so she can either be begged, or have you all bend over backwards and change everything to accommodate her fuck-up, or be able to tell all her friends (if she has any) that you deliberately excluded her by Making It Difficult.

In all fairness, while I understand you're feelings about wanting your DS to know your DH's side of the family, frankly I think he's better off without the poisonous bitch. She doesn't like you, you've already said that - if you remember/read some of the threads from women with older children and poisonous MILs, you'll see that they spend a reasonable amount of their time telling their DGC how shit their mother is, not in so many words but insinuating it. You don't want that for your PFB, and neither does your DH.

If cutting her out completely is too much (and I understand it can be) then just stick to what you have done this time (and please stick to where you are now) - give her the details of whatever event, times etc. and then if she fucks it up, YOU say "Oh I guess it just "wasn't meant to be" again, huh."

She's created this situation for herself - leave her to it.

And give MrCat another big hug because he's not only a star, he's hurting that his mother couldn't give a toss about his son and that's not a nice thing to know sad

Topseyt Tue 22-Oct-13 17:11:36

Taxi, public transport or nothing, I would say. It isn't fair to send other family members scurrying after her either. She can sort herself out.

EldritchCleavage Tue 22-Oct-13 17:37:02

Oh dammit! My broodiness levels have just gone sky high after looking at the lovely Catboy pictures.

I'd catch several trains and a bus to see him, and we're not even related.

Chippednailvarnish Wed 23-Oct-13 21:24:23

Have you phoned Uncle Brian yet to check his availablity?

catgirl1976 Wed 23-Oct-13 23:08:12

grin

Thank you Eldritch. I think he is super cute biased

Chipped - I haven't but the temptation is almost overwhelming

catgirl1976 Wed 23-Oct-13 23:08:37

And thank you thumbwitch thanks smile x

ceebie Thu 24-Oct-13 11:49:47

So, is she still not coming, or have there been any further developments?

catgirl1976fucker Thu 24-Oct-13 17:53:21

She's still not coming and I haven't heard a single thing from her since her "not meant to be" text. hmm

Not sure when we will hear from her, she's obviously taken the hump!

Every cloud

UncleT Thu 24-Oct-13 18:11:08

This thread has been enthralling. I've nothing substantial to add other than my congratulations to the pair of you for the way you dealt with MIL's clearly unreasonable conduct.

AnyChippednailvarnishfucker Thu 24-Oct-13 18:13:28

Wonder if Uncle Brian does house visits?

On a serious note, what a cow.

kitbit Fri 25-Oct-13 09:06:54

I'd be tempted to call the Bishop and send him round to perform an excorcism.

Ha

EldritchCleavage Fri 25-Oct-13 11:20:08

Either taking the hump or shagging the Bishop. Which is more likely?

momb Fri 25-Oct-13 11:52:13

Hmmm, the B+B is fully booked for the saturday night? Was she ever booked in at all? I'm wondering if she left it late to book and then when they were full she got all discombobulated and messed up the trains on purpose as an excuse, rather than admitting she didn't have anywhere to stay?
Or indeed she's still booked in and is prepared to lose that money as well as the train fair just to save face?

kerala Fri 25-Oct-13 12:02:10

It is hard with ILs like this. You end up in a fog of feeling guilty about them for some reason, as well as enraged by their rubbish behaviour.

Its taken me nearly 7 years to accept that my ILs are hopeless and frankly not that interested - to the extent of moving overseas because - and I quote - "theres nothing to keep us here". The final straw for me was when they drove 10 hours to BILs house, which is 1.5 hour easy drive from ours. And weren't planning to call on us and see their only grandchildren shock. That for me, after lots of other stuff, was my absolution from ever feeling guilty for not visiting them again. I cannot imagine having not seen my grandchildren for 6 months and being that close to them and not arranging to see them I just can't imagine that.

Annianni Sun 27-Oct-13 16:52:00

How was the party Catgirl?

catgirl1976fucker Sun 27-Oct-13 18:51:34

It's not until the 23rd of November x

But I will update once he has had it smile

NO contact whatsoever from MIL hmm

She's not coming is she?
Hope your DH is alright about it.

catgirl1976fucker Sun 27-Oct-13 19:06:29

No, she's not coming

DH is disappointed but he's ok. We both know that it is a lot less hassle this way and that she would have made sure she ruined it.

I'm sure it'll be a lot easier without her, hope all goes well. smile

BillyBanter Sun 27-Oct-13 19:12:20

Big cheer to your dh.

Is his sister coming? They seem to get on, so three is some family in his side?

catgirl1976fucker Sun 27-Oct-13 19:28:50

No sad sadly she can't afford it and isn't very well

Which is a shame - we would love to have her

BillyBanter Sun 27-Oct-13 20:22:17

sad I hope you get the chance to see her soon.

birdybear Fri 08-Nov-13 16:43:48

is there an update to this! did mil turn up!?

myBOYSareBONKERS Sun 24-Nov-13 07:15:11

Party update please!!

Oh is it today??? Loves a good update I do!

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