To not want this on the sofa..

(123 Posts)
WholeNutt Thu 17-Oct-13 20:02:11

My dh has just come downstairs after his shower, removed his towel and sat his naked self on our new sofa.. it is not naked Sunday

AIBU to ask him to dress his gentleman's vegetables before sitting down?!

He's clean

How can you resist grin

cathpip Thu 17-Oct-13 20:03:52

Most definately, he will still have damp patches and it could stain the sofa!!!!!

Unless you think his arse washing is er...... shit

YANBU

naked arses, clean or not, do not belong on sofas.

ohmymimi Thu 17-Oct-13 20:05:30

thlshockthlblush

WorraLiberty Thu 17-Oct-13 20:05:30

AIBU to ask him to dress his gentleman's vegetables before sitting down?!

grin grin

LittleMissWise Thu 17-Oct-13 20:05:40

As he's just got out the shower, what's the problem?

DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 20:06:31

My DP does this. He then slides forwards to the very edge of the couch, dangles his balls off the end and uses my hair dryer to dry them. Arse.

LittleMissWise Thu 17-Oct-13 20:07:07

I am wondering what you want him to dress his gentleman's vegetables with, a nice drop of basalamic perhaps? wink

Bowlersarm Thu 17-Oct-13 20:07:18

He should be clean? Perfectly acceptable.

Your heating must be going full pelt though.

LittleMissWise Thu 17-Oct-13 20:08:19

*balsamic - I can spell!

youarewinning Thu 17-Oct-13 20:09:59

Your DH is naked on the sofa and your MNing.

I think you have your priorities wrong grin

WholeNutt Thu 17-Oct-13 20:10:45

No heating yet..it's bloody boiling in here even have the windows open..

He's cooling down after the gym and shower but still..

FortyDoorsToNowhere Thu 17-Oct-13 20:11:58

you could get naked to and see how things go with breaking in the new sofa.

I am wondering what you want him to dress his gentleman's vegetables with, a nice drop of basalamic perhaps? That has made snort wine through my nose.

Jengnr Thu 17-Oct-13 20:12:07

Gentlemen's vegetables smile

My DP does this. He then slides forwards to the very edge of the couch, dangles his balls off the end and uses my hair dryer to dry them. Arse

oh.my.fucking.god.

grin

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 17-Oct-13 20:14:26

How did you resist jumping his bones?

WholeNutt Thu 17-Oct-13 20:15:40

He's lifting his balls sporadically to 'air' them...nothing gets my clacker going more..not! grin

DameFanny Thu 17-Oct-13 20:19:21

Daley - why do you have a hair dryer in the sitting room?!

DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 20:19:58

Honestly Badger, I've never seen anything quite like it. Sometimes he likes to wear his towel like a cape when he does it, so I have a naked, caped man using my hairdryer to dry his balls in my living room. Not a pretty sight first thing in the morning.

DameFanny Thu 17-Oct-13 20:20:12

Oh, and <snort> at the gentleman's vegetables

iklboo Thu 17-Oct-13 20:20:31

Ball-samic, surely.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Thu 17-Oct-13 20:20:56

I am actually crying laughing gringringrin

Oh god!

Please don't stop!

DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 20:21:43

Because we live in a flat and my hair dryer sits in a box along with all the electricals that we use in the living room (we have lots of games consoles) so it's right within grabbing distance of the couch, conveniently enough for him.

Oh Daley that is such an epic picture i now have in my head.

i think i might need a lie down

WholeNutt Thu 17-Oct-13 20:22:07

Laughing a lot at Daley...I'm not naked because the hungry caterpillar game has already been played. wink

mrspremise Thu 17-Oct-13 20:22:11

actually dying at gentleman's vegetables. I am sooooo calling them that from now on

Dahlen Thu 17-Oct-13 20:22:52

OMG at the hairdryer. I am crying! grin

TiggyD Thu 17-Oct-13 20:23:05

I always put down some lettuce first.

phantomnamechanger Thu 17-Oct-13 20:23:22

does he always play hard to get OP!

LOL at Ball-samic!

FortyDoorsToNowhere Thu 17-Oct-13 20:25:04

daley get him this for christmas

www.menstuff.org/archives/wienercapes.html

WholeNutt Thu 17-Oct-13 20:25:04

The cat has just jumped on his lap I am now pissing myself as dh is making groaning sounds after having his ball pierced by a cat claw!!!!

phantomnamechanger Thu 17-Oct-13 20:26:14

presumably for dressing his gentlemens vegetables, he'll need this
www.melburyandappleton.co.uk/ekmps/shops/melburyapple/images/gentleman-s-relish-patum-peperium-42g-826-p[ekm]350x343[ekm].jpg

phantomnamechanger Thu 17-Oct-13 20:27:12
DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 20:27:57

Love the one with the tux Forty grin

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Thu 17-Oct-13 20:28:08

Well, get over there and kiss it better smile

misdee Thu 17-Oct-13 20:28:53

am giggling away.

LaRegina Thu 17-Oct-13 20:29:13

Ha ha - imagine if this thread appeared on a 'man' site and somebody said their wife insisted on showering then sitting naked on the sofa - all the men would be so envy whereas we're all just taking the piss grin

Am so glad to be a woman smile

Is it leather or fabric?

Nagoo Thu 17-Oct-13 20:55:20

Oh god lets not get into wipe clean... grin

Regina I think in the scenario here being a man would be preferable. You'd get to air dry your balls and be happy if your wife put her naked arse on the new sofa.

WholeNutt Thu 17-Oct-13 21:09:03

Fabric..leather sticks blush

atomicyoghurt Thu 17-Oct-13 21:10:24

I'm too astounded at the hairdrying balls picture to even contemplate an answer. Sorry is that a normal thing to do?

But surely the fabric vs leather is a key question. I think old think gent-veg plus suede was a complete no no

LydiasLunch Thu 17-Oct-13 21:12:35

My husband pulls a really anguished face when he's drying his arse crack with a towel. As if the effort needed is so huge that he needs to grimace.

grin

whois Thu 17-Oct-13 21:21:10

Honestly Badger, I've never seen anything quite like it. Sometimes he likes to wear his towel like a cape when he does it, so I have a naked, caped man using my hairdryer to dry his balls in my living room. Not a pretty sight first thing in the morning

WHAT? What the fuck? This is NOT normal behaviour. Very funny tho!

DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 21:24:59

God no, it's not normal! But then, he puts up with a lot of my strange behaviours so I allow him some leeway thlwink

ohmymimi Thu 17-Oct-13 21:30:11

Daley - made me cry with laughter, the towel cape just made it grin. Thank you.

whois Thu 17-Oct-13 21:30:27

God no, it's not normal! But then, he puts up with a lot of my strange behaviours so I allow him some leeway

Do you know why he does it? Just really likes warm and dry balls?

As far as strange traits go, it's a very harmless one and does have the advantage of being hilarious.

DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 21:35:35

Glad to be of service thlgrin

He says it gets them "drier" than just using a towel thlhmmthlgrin

openerofjars Thu 17-Oct-13 21:36:44

OP and DaleyBump, you have made me actually cry with laughter. Thank you!

Although I had to read it to DH to explain the wheezing, and it may have given him ideas. hmm

PosyNarker Thu 17-Oct-13 21:37:25

I asked DP about the hairdryer thing and he (who has plenty odd habits, trust me) declared it 'a bit odd' grin

But then suggested 'maybe he just wants warm balls?' before declaring that balls ought to be cool hmm

I had to explain why I was sitting at the diningroom table snickering into the livingroom rather than joining him on the sofa. He's watching some shite about wrecking cars anyway

Selks Thu 17-Oct-13 21:39:04

Gentlemen's vegetables is awesome...best descriptive phrase for man bits ever grin

flamingtoaster Thu 17-Oct-13 21:39:32

My husband uses the hairdryer to dry the hair on his chest <makes mental note to casually walk into the bedroom next time just to check that that's still all he is using it for ...>

DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 21:40:21

Sorry to hijack OP! thlgrin

ChubbyKitty Thu 17-Oct-13 21:41:06

Daleygringringrin

I love this thread.

DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 21:44:07

I've just asked him and he said "it gets your balls drier, towel drying just doesn't work as well. It's not too burny either because you don't hold it too close to them."

Planning on getting him his own hairdryer (and straighteners?) for Christmas.

FreeWee Thu 17-Oct-13 21:46:40

gentlemen's vegetables actual LOL.

WholeNutt Thu 17-Oct-13 21:47:22

According to dh the gym has rather too many men using the hair dryers for toes and sacks....

FreeWee Thu 17-Oct-13 21:52:40

Make sure it has a cooler setting Daley. Don't want roasted chestnuts on Christmas Day! thlsmile

MusicalEndorphins Thu 17-Oct-13 21:57:14

Chances are I shall choose live a celibate life forever on after reading this. >>>*He then slides forwards to the very edge of the couch, dangles his balls off the end and uses my hair dryer to dry them. Arse*

DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 22:04:38

Roasted chestnuts thlgrin

Musical don't say that! Just don't sit on my couch thlwink

Donkeyok Thu 17-Oct-13 22:04:46

Oh I am wetting myself - laughing at warm air roasted gentlemans' vegetables.thlgrin

WholeNutt Thu 17-Oct-13 22:08:00

Dh is reluctant to have the snip..perhaps I should buy him a travel sized vegetable dryer instead.

Sleeptimenow Thu 17-Oct-13 22:09:58

I have also heard that the hair dryers at the gym are very popular for drying gentlemens vegetables, gives the hair a nice puffy beehive look! Apparently doing this in front of the mirror to check style is v popular. Have this lovely knowledge form DH who swears he doesn't do it, hmmmm.

LazyGaga Thu 17-Oct-13 22:13:32

Ooh now I'm sure DH was advised to blow dry his bruised balls instead of towel drying after having a vasectomy, so there you go - using a Babylis on the bollocks is actually endorsed by the medical profession!

DaleyBump Thu 17-Oct-13 22:14:37

You'd make a fortune Whole thlgrin

openerofjars Thu 17-Oct-13 22:20:32

The only Babyliss hair styling thingies in this house are hair straighteners.

<pause for thought>

Anyway, here's a minimally related joke:

"Why are pubic hairs short and curly?"
"Because if they were long and straight they'd poke you in the eye."

As you were. I'm just off to check that the hairdryer is where I left it.

elQuintoConyo Thu 17-Oct-13 22:20:50

can't... type... laughing.. too... hard...

MrQuintoConyo has the good grace to say "mind your eyes" when he bends over in the buff to get fresh pants out of the bottom drawer grin I should count my lucky stars!

I love mumsnet.

I have a little vision of up and down the land, naked men are wearing towel capes, drying various bodily parts with sundry household objects and anointing them with balsamic vinegar.
Is there not a single pyjama and dressing-gowned man the length or breadth of the British Isles?

<snurk>

TiggyD Thu 17-Oct-13 22:35:58

Does he just dry them or does he style them too?

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Fri 18-Oct-13 01:57:28

Babyliss Bollock Buffer!

The next Big thing, surely! Where to insert the Big?

I'm claiming TM (I know it can be done proper, I just can't remember how)

BBB x

Donkeyok Fri 18-Oct-13 06:15:54

naughty thlgrin

fran28 Fri 18-Oct-13 06:18:40

smile

MaryPoppinsBag Fri 18-Oct-13 06:43:16

Didn't Charlotte from Sex and the City have this issue with her husband?
Can't remember what she did about it though.

RenterNomad Fri 18-Oct-13 10:02:27

Surely the hairdryer... er... gets the wrinkles out when drying.

A bit like a tumble dryer!

AlwaysDancing1234 Fri 18-Oct-13 10:49:57

I'm snorting with laughter. You guys have really cheered me up! My DH sometimes does this thing he calls "the helicopter" to dry off, it not a pretty sight.

RenterNomad Fri 18-Oct-13 13:20:31

grin at The Helicopter. Boys in my DS's class do that with their mittens-on-string in the wintertime.

and the over-twisting of the cords causes the mittens to FALL OFF!

Babyliss Bollock Buffer!

Damn it BBB, I just laughed so loudly I woke up the baby! thlgrin

PresidentServalan Fri 18-Oct-13 17:00:10

This thread is fab - shouldn't it be moved into Classics? It's far far funnier than penisbeakergate! There are some very disturbing images on here though - using a hairdryer to dry the bollocks??? grin grin grin

PresidentServalan Fri 18-Oct-13 17:01:59

Surely the only way to remove the wrinkles is to get one of those steamer things that they pass over clothes in charity shops etc? grin

WholeNutt Fri 18-Oct-13 17:24:18

You can buy 'Downy Wrinkle Release' spray.. Wrinkle free fresh smelling balls. Perfect!

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Fri 18-Oct-13 17:28:31

I think Charlotte from SATC asked Harry, rather petulantly I thought, to put some pants on.

Now!

Mandy2003 Fri 18-Oct-13 17:32:35

I've got a hairdryer in the sitting room (chronic lack of electric sockets)

It's the SHAPE of the wet patch that amuses me!!

GoofyIsACow Fri 18-Oct-13 17:43:04

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Is all!

natwebb79 Fri 18-Oct-13 17:52:12

grinThis is so much funnier than penisbeaker. Classics r us!

complexnumber Fri 18-Oct-13 17:54:25

It's a fun thread, but hardly believable.

"The cat has just jumped on his lap I am now pissing myself as dh is making groaning sounds after having his ball pierced by a cat claw!!!!"

Osmiornica Fri 18-Oct-13 18:02:35

Gentlemans vegetables - are these what you have with gentleman's relish?

grin

HeirToTheIronThrone Fri 18-Oct-13 18:09:22

I am married to a ball hairdryer user... Though standing up in the bedroom rather than on the sofa...

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 18-Oct-13 22:10:46

Is there not...^flappage^?

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 18-Oct-13 22:11:42

Sorry, cringing too much to format properly.

TheHouseCleaner Fri 18-Oct-13 22:17:08

"The cat has just jumped on his lap I am now pissing myself as dh is making groaning sounds after having his ball pierced by a cat claw!!!!"

How to make a woman choke on tea and flapjack. Thank you, OP! grin

Avondale Fri 18-Oct-13 22:24:15

So glad I opened this thread! Laughing me head off!
My DH will have a shower, come downstairs with just towel wrapped round his waist and sit on the sofa. After a while, he will flash his gentle men's veggies at me and inform me that he's very clean ...blush
This is foreplay round at Avondale

Itsybitsyteenyweeneyyellowpolk Fri 18-Oct-13 22:24:44

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Op and Daley - hilarious!

Love this thread and dp thinks I'm a weirdo lol

motherandchild Fri 01-Nov-13 14:54:54

Lol. Maybe clean to the naked eyes. Sorry!

babe2be Fri 01-Nov-13 15:14:15

OMG I just fell about laughing! Gentleman's vegetables is priceless grin

The mental picture I have of a bloke hanging half off the sofa drying his bollocks with a hairdryer is hilarious.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Fri 01-Nov-13 15:38:44

the latest 'must have' hair gadget is that perfect curl thing from babyliss, a kind of barrel that just sucks up the hair and spits it out in a perfect curl. hmm

ringaringarosy Fri 01-Nov-13 15:43:36

yabu

what about sex?do you not ever have sex on the sofa?eat on there?

������

5madthings Fri 01-Nov-13 15:54:13

Ha ha ha.

The only person in this house who uses a hairdryer is ds1(14) and has long hair, as far as I am aware he doesn't use it to dry his pubes but I am not sure I dare ask...I don't want to know!

LaGuardia Fri 01-Nov-13 17:41:37

I bet he paid for the sofa.

SilverOldie Fri 01-Nov-13 18:17:16

I can barely type for laughing. My neighbours must think I have gone ga ga for laughing so much when I live alone grin. Definitely one for classics. Gentlemen's vegetables? ha ha ha.

TidyDancer Fri 01-Nov-13 18:46:17

I have enjoyed this thread immensely!

"Gentlemens vegetables" <snort> grin

Fitness73 Fri 01-Nov-13 21:24:27

Why not make the most of it and start the day with some kinky naughty sex... Best way to start any day if u ask me

dementedma Fri 01-Nov-13 21:50:19

Dh is alsolutely not allowed to appear sans pants. EVER! I don't know or care how he dries his bits and pieces, as long as they are not on display to the wider public.

Oh my sainted Aunt, weeping, choking and spluttering - not just at this thread (which is priceless in places) but mostly at my partner's expression! I showed him what I was guffawing at and he's read a few (pointed-out) gems, but only just "getting it". Also wants to know what I'm doing on MumsNet anyway, we both in our 60s! "Bit late to get broody"

Angrybudda Sat 02-Nov-13 08:16:44

Lol!!!

Nursee007 Sat 02-Nov-13 11:52:28

Maybe you should remind/tell him that drying his 'gents veg' with a hair dryer could actually be damaging to his sperm count? That might make him rethink his practice!

He is clean, yabugrin

AChristmassyJerseySpud Sat 02-Nov-13 11:56:23

Does he taste better with a bit of salad dressing? You could use lettuce as a fig leaf.

FreshLeticia Sat 02-Nov-13 12:21:32

Briiliant thread, am crying with laughter @ Daley 's caped veg-dryer.
Wondering how the rest of you missed the we already played the hungry caterpillar game bit though!
grin grin grin grin

Didactylos Sat 02-Nov-13 12:54:10

I am in tears here grin grin grin

DP has listened to edited highlights and finally gets why I am on Mumsnet but refuses to allow me to share details of his bollock drying habits.....

SkullyAndBones Sat 02-Nov-13 13:00:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Squidwardtenticles Sat 02-Nov-13 13:07:49

I wouldn't be impressed with a naked anus lurking about on my couch.

thirdtimemum Mon 04-Nov-13 18:40:33

Well we all live and learn! Never heard of this before!

harticus Mon 04-Nov-13 19:08:05

Absolutely fucking superb.
Penis beaker has nothing on this. grin

cupcakeicing Mon 04-Nov-13 19:15:54

I've just related this to DH and he is eyeing my new hairdrier enthusiastically!

I've told him it's from John Lewis and would refuse to work in those circumstances.

Selks Mon 04-Nov-13 21:14:03

MNHQ....move this to classics, please! grin

killpeppa Mon 04-Nov-13 21:23:53

oh jeez I just snortedsmile

fav thread evergringringringrin

TheIggorcist Mon 04-Nov-13 22:39:38

Have just noticed there is a hair dryer sitting on the arm of the sofa. Am really hoping dh moved it in here to dry ds's hair, and not because he'd stumbled across this thread and wanted to try it out...

Coppernob Tue 05-Nov-13 08:24:13

Have just been reading this thread and guffawing much to DH's annoyance. Just got myself under control when I noticed that two of the Latest Mumsnetters reviews next to the thread are for hairdryers. That started me off again. The third review is for a pushchair. Are these two things related? Will the next review be of sofas????

Thanks everyone, especially the OP, for a lovely weekend howl.
"Gentlemen Vegetables" may become part of our national discourse.

btw: As a gym bunny for the last 15 years, I have never seen or heard of of any woman drying her Lady Veg with a hairdryer (and we don't normally gossip, but such behaviour would get you talked about)

However, male gym bunnies have murmured that some other blokes (naturally) do this routinely.

meddie Sun 12-Jan-14 20:54:14

Had an ex who used to stand infront of the tv in a darkened room and project images of his veg onto the wall behind me.

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