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To be sick of trying to lose weight and wonder if I should just accept myself as I am?

(85 Posts)

I'm 5ft 7in, weigh 13st 12lb and I'm a size 16 (14 in a lot of trousers/jeans etc but big busted!). I'm not enormous by any standards. I feel like I've been on a diet of some description for most of my adult life, and I really, really struggle to lose weight. I have an under active thyroid, which, although I'm on drugs for, seems to slow my metabolism down, and I have to eat very carefully to drop a few pounds. I've lost just over a stone and a half with SW since May, but have now hit a standstill. I calorie track as well using MFP and I'm genuinely not overheating yet I'm struggling to drop anymore, and I hate the thought that if I manage to lose more, I'll have to "diet" for the rest of my life to maintain it.

Today, so far, I have eaten:
Banana and yoghurt for breakfast
Cup of tea
Small brown roll with boiled egg, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and onion for lunch followed by some grapes and an apple
In the slow cooker, I have some soup - 2 rashers of bacon chopped up, onions, carrots, lentils, garlic, leeks, celery and tinned tomatoes. I will eat some of this for tea with some naan bread croutons and have made a sugar free jelly with raspberries which I will have with some raspberry sorbet.
I'll perhaps have another banana, or maybe 2 weetabix and raisins at about 8pm if I'm peckish.

This is a fairly typical day and I don't think it's that bad? I eat chocolate probably 3 times a week, but tend to buy a little Freddo or a small Milky Bar, and have a couple of glasses of wine on a weekend. We have pasta 2 or 3 times a week, plenty of fruit and veg and I eat very little bread (never white as it bloats me).

I'm about ready to give up and just accept that I'll be fat forever! So frustrated!

Mia4 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:19:48

Op please don't beat yourself up this sort of thing happens when losing weight and even if it didn't you have done really well.

The one thing I do wonder if if you should focus less on the food worrying and more on exercising instead. My friend has almost no thyroid auction and struggled for years too. At one point all she drank was shakes and took in barely any calories. In the end our mutual friend- a personal trainer- offered her free help and got her eexercising for half hour a day. Some funky programme that is 5 mins strength then 5 cardio then 5 abs. He also got her swimming too. She went from a size 26 to a 16- it took over a tear but she is now happy and just eats healthily and swims a lot. She can outswit anyone I know!

Jasmine and green teas help with bloating as can peppermint oil capsules or tea.

Just please don't be so hard on yourself- to do what you are doing now is amazing as if is

KateCroydon Thu 17-Oct-13 14:20:48

YY. Life is far too short to diet.

Dahlen Thu 17-Oct-13 14:21:03

Do you want to lose weight because of your health or your appearance? Or is it a combination of both? Forget your clothing size and BMI and think about how you feel if you run up the stairs or walk a mile to the shops. You can be a couple of stone overweight quite comfortably without any risk to your health provided your diet is good and you are taking regular exercise. Beyond that, it's just cosmetic.

What you're eating sounds fine, although there is maybe too much sugar in it (it doesn't matter that it's the type of sugar naturally found in fruit). It encourages the body to store fat. Also, what are your portion sizes like? I know quite a few people who have an excellent diet but they are overweight simply because they eat a lot of it.

It may also be worth a trip back to the Doctor as you may find that your thyroid medication needs upping. You could also investigate food intolerances (as opposed to allergies).

Good luck and I'm sure you look fine. smile

Pinkbutterfly31 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:21:14

What about exercise? I found with me, weightloss happened a lot quicker when I was exercising regularly. I feel for you though, I am 5ft 9 and a size 10 but it's taken me years to lose the weight to get here. I have relaxed my eating and exercising regime and have managed to put a stone back on. It's so depressing as all I have to do is look at something fattening and I put on a pound. I hate feeling like I constantly have to watch what I eat! Xx

Mia4 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:22:46

And tbd I don't think you ate fat anyway but I know how it is when.you feel that way. I'm a size 12 and when I gain more or bloat I feel very fat. Especially when bloating.

I want a milky bar now too

It's more appearance than anything; I'm pretty fit. I walk about 2-3 miles a day with the dog, do a circuit training class once a week and ride when I get the chance (just been potentially offered a horse share so this may improve smile ). At the minute, however, I'm laid up with a slipped disc and I'm feeling sorry for myself! I just want to look better in clothes, but, on the other hand, I'm not sure that I'd ever be happy with how I look, regardless of my weight, so maybe I ought to just accept it and work with what I've got!

Pinkbutterfly31 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:30:46

JBJ what you say is very true. I will fully hold my hands up and say that, when I was bigger, I kept saying to myself "if I can get to a 10 I'll be happy". Well, I ended up getting to an 8 - now I'm back to a 10. Am I happy? Nope, I'm still moaning! I just want to slap myself sometimes.

I look in the mirror and see a huge, grotesque woman staring back at me. To me, I look no different to how I did at 15 1/2 stone yet I know I've shrunk, I just can't see it. That's what makes me think even at. Size 12 or 10 I would still see that same person, and maybe it's that issue I need to work on as oppose to being hung up on what the scales say! I have so many friends who are a similar size/weight to me, who are happy, attractive and confident, yet I just don't feel like that.

debka Thu 17-Oct-13 14:37:03

Absolutely you should accept and love yourself the way you are. Do you have people in your life who love you and tell you they do?

I've lost weight to get to my current size- 5'8, about 14.5 stone and a size 16. In an ideal world I'd be 3 stone lighter and a size 12 but fuck it, I look hot in the right clothes, I have a man who fancies the arse off me, and tbh life is just too damn short to be miserable.

Mia4 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:37:40

I think if yiu have a slipped disc you need to be taking it easy and not worrying so.much about it- sounds very painful.

Most people find something they really don't like about themselves and then we worry and stress over it too much. As you say even if that thing goes away you may just find something else.

That's the exact attitude I'd like to have!
No, I don't really have people who tell me they love me! I have a very small family, small group of friends and I seem to scare men off lol I was in a rather destructive relationship for a few years off and on, with a man who constantly told me I needed to lose weight, would pinch an inch and laugh, and was critical of everything. Stupidly, it took me way too long to get rid of him and the effects have long lingered.

Pinkbutterfly31 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:42:25

I must admit, when I got to an 8, I was finally happy with myself. It is very hard to maintain though! Now I've put on a stone I feel like I did when I was 6 stone heavier, which I know is ridiculous.

The human mind is a strange thing!

You've done a great job with your weightloss so far, some people just take longer to lose than others. Maybe try switching it up with another diet? Get the motivation back on track. The good thing is, slower weight loss means you're much less likely to put it all back on. Also, it takes time for your mind to adjust to what you're actually seeing in the mirror, especially if you've been bigger for a long time.

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Thu 17-Oct-13 14:42:34

It takes a while for your head to catch up with your weightloss - when I lost weight it took a couple of years for me to stop seeing the bigger me in the mirror.

I think you need to give yourself a break. Dieting can become all consuming and it sucks the joy out of food and, frankly, life. Take a couple of weeks off and spend them doing things you enjoy then reassess. Remember what your body can do and celebrate it for that rather than what you look like.

If you want diet advice, which it assume you may after posting your food intake - cut carbs. I had a plateau I couldn't get through for years and am now comfortably ten lbs below that because I cut back on my carb intake. Sometimes it helps to just mix it up a bit.

And chuck out your scales - go by measurements or how your clothes fit. Weight is so variable and so obsession-making it really isn't helpful.

ithaka Thu 17-Oct-13 14:43:11

The only thing I will say is portion control. IME, it is not what people eat but how much they eat that is the problem. I eat what I want & I am thin. I always assumed I was lucky, until a friend pointed out that I don't actually eat that much - apparently I eat small portions, but they fill me up.

They only time I got tubby was when I was breastfeeding - I have never been so hungry in my life. My diet didn't change but the volume of food did. Cut down on how much you eat and you'll lose weight.

spindlyspindler Thu 17-Oct-13 14:45:52

I say stop focusing on numbers. I've been overweight (more so than you, I think) ever since I hit puberty to some extent. I have lost significant amounts of weight three times and each time have put it back on plus a little more. About five years ago I made a conscious decision to like myself as I was, stop fretting about blokes who didn't fancy overweight women since it was fairly obvious I was always going to be one, and not get hung up on chasing numbers.

I've now accepted that I will probably always be overweight to some extent. I love food - cooking and eating it - and the thought of spending the rest of my life counting calories or Points or "Syns" (bleargh) makes me want to shoot myself. (Not that I can manage it anyway, because whenever my weight has started to go up it's been because I was absolutely starving).

I'm now practising HAES (health at every size), which is about mindful eating (in broad terms, eating what you want when you're hungry, eating slowly, and stopping when you're full) and getting moving for fun rather than chasing numbers. If you google HAES and mindful eating, there are some very good sites out there. Also, Paul McKenna's I Can Make You Thin book and CD are actually all about mindful eating rather than about conforming to some sort of objective standard of fashion industry thinness. They are very good.

In short, I would say don't spoil your life with dieting - which is not the same as saying "don't try to be healthy".

Rollermum Thu 17-Oct-13 14:47:17

This could be me, though I am three stone heavier! I have an under active thyroid too and find even when the levels seem fine I do not lose weight.

The only thing that has worked for me was eating very low carb. But this created quite a bad binge / diet cycle - I tended to regain.

Also I would recommend exercise as a way to feel good about yourself and possibly a sport too - gives you a new perspective on your body. Sounds like you do exercise already and have a slipped disc, but wanted to say anyway.

ILoveMakeUp Thu 17-Oct-13 14:48:03

We all know that we should just accept ourselves as we are, but not everybody does. Anyway, being slim is healthier than being overweight and is better for you as you get older (no idea how old you are, OP. I expect quite young).

Looking at what you eat, I would try to cut out carbs for a month. Eat everything else you normally eat on your diet, but no bread, pasta, potatoes, rice. I think you will be amazed at how much weight falls off just doing that.

ILoveMakeUp Thu 17-Oct-13 14:50:13

... and get yourself a Diet Plate to address portion control.

happybubblebrain Thu 17-Oct-13 14:50:35

Without a doubt you should accept yourself as you are.

I was a size 8 throughout my 20s and early 30s but I had to half starve myself and do more than 2 hours exercise a day to stay that way, some days lots more. I wasn't happy.

Now I'm in my 40s and a size 12, I'm probably a bit overweight but I don't weigh myself. I eat what I like but still do about an hour exercise every day. I am happy.

There is nothing that would make me want to go back to my old self. Life is about enjoyment, not about being a certain size.

rainbowfeet Thu 17-Oct-13 14:51:44

Debka.... Love your attitude to life send me some now!!! grin

I could have written this post word for word other than the thyroid part! hmm

I have battled with my weight since my teens, I'm now approx 13 stone & a size 16... Feel like I should stop letting my weight/dress size make me so miserable.... Is it my size stopping me find a bf or is it my low self esteem?! hmm

I'm 35 so not mega-young smile I'm hoping that once I'm mobile again and able to view this horse, then I might be able to lose some just through exercise. I've tried cutting out carbs before and it's honestly my idea of hell! Really, really struggle, feel hungry and crave them lol

Ooh I like the look of that diet plate... Wonder how high I could pile it...? wink

CoteDAzur Thu 17-Oct-13 15:06:24

As s

Lilacroses Thu 17-Oct-13 15:08:48

I really love the posts on this thread. So supportive and humourous. I have been trying to lose weight for the last few months. I lost 7lbs just by eating really healthily and cutting out the crap (which for me meant biscuits and sweets).

Now I have stopped losing weight and do feel, since I've put on nearly 2 stone over the past few years from stuffing myself, that I need to lose more. I'm just starting the 5:2 diet and am feeling as if I can cope with it because it is simple. My DP, who has 3 stone to lose, is doing really well on it. I understand exactly what you mean though. I AM happy with myself but I was concerned that when I literally "ate what I like" I was steadily gaining weight and as a very short person it didn't look or feel good. I also didn't want to end up being even larger and have an even harder job getting it off.

I do think these sort of part time diets are the way to go for me, where you are very careful some of the time and more relaxed at others. It seems to sit well with me emotionally ifyswim. I don't have to think of certain foods as a complete no go, I just have to think "not today" . We shall see!

Good luck though, I do sympathise and I do think that ultimately being happy with yourself is more important than losing weight.

Davsmum Thu 17-Oct-13 15:11:10

Give up dieting - YES!
Every woman I know who is dieting has been 'dieting' for years and years!
One friend I have has been going to Slimming Club for 15 years! - she is still overweight.
You sound active enough so keep being active - as for food - You know deep down when/if you are eating the 'wrong' things so just try to make healthy choices and watch your portion sizes. Don't calorie count - it gets you obsessed! Just choose low fat and less sugar options.
Its hard to get off the dieting roundabout but when I stopped dieting and just decided to try new healthier types of meals I found I lost weight slowly over a long time.
I still mostly eat healthy stuff because I got used to it and love it but I don't say no to less healthy meals when I fancy them.

When I do over indulge I try to exercise more - as in walking or just moving about more!

Mitchy1nge Thu 17-Oct-13 15:14:17

am sure it is possible to 'accept yourself' whilst still acknowledging excess fat as a temporary physiological state that has little to do with who you actually are?

was just in response to thread title, will read actual thread now . . .

CoteDAzur Thu 17-Oct-13 15:14:23

As someone else said, you also need portion control.

And you need to exercise. Not only to burn calories but proper cardio to speed up your metabolism.

"Naan bread croutons, Weetabix, small brown roll" - Why not freshly baked whole wheat bread? Slice and keep in freezer, then heat a slice in the toaster when you need it. That brown roll has 150 kCal, for example.

Also, no Milky Way bars when you are trying to lose weight and I wouldn't have 2 bananas in 1 day, either.

Don't forget to have protein. Eat lots of vegetables and salad (with only 1 spoon olive oil). Have an egg or a chicken breast with your salad.

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Thu 17-Oct-13 15:16:49

Please don't choose low fat options. They are full of crap and are part of the problem. Dietary fat does not make you fat unless you eat it to excess - as and excess of anything does. Fat gives things flavour and when they make a low fat yoghurt or whatever they pump it with sugar to replace the lost flavour. It's not a healthy alternative.

Around 1/3 or more of my calories come from fat and I wear a 6/8. When I ate low fat etc I was still a size 16.

Beastofburden Thu 17-Oct-13 15:17:39

I have a friend who has lost 12 stone (no, that is not a typo) by becoming involved in a specific sport. She adores it, it makes her very happy, it protects her mental health and of course, she has resolved her very longstanding weight issues.

Perhaps that would be the right way for you?

Davsmum Thu 17-Oct-13 15:24:09

hoteltangofoxtrotUninform

I agree with what you say re the low fat - I didn't mean low fat options as in processed foods - I meant more in choosing low fat meats.

Mitchy1nge Thu 17-Oct-13 15:25:28

oh horses are a great incentive to keep an eye on your weight, it's scary to weigh yourself in your hat and boots and winter stuff but that's what the horse is expected to carry and jump with and so on shock and the fitter you are the easier everything generally is

I hope it works out and you are feeling better and back in the saddle soon

If I tell myself I can't have a little Milky Bar, I'll crave chocolate and have a huge Mars bar instead!! I know exactly what I should be doing to lose weight, but I find it so bloody hard, it makes me miserable, and I don't think being slim will make me happy anyway to be fair!

WorraLiberty Thu 17-Oct-13 15:26:53

Of course we should all accept ourselves for who we are, but that doesn't necessarily mean giving up trying to lose weight.

Diets don't work (you've proved that) but whilst 'giving up' may bring you some temporary 'relief' now, what about the future?

Getting older/the menopause often leads to weight gain, so while you might be happy to give up now at a size 16, will you be happy if that possibly rises to 18/20 in the future?

Perhaps more vigorous exercise and portion control is the way forward.

frumpet Thu 17-Oct-13 15:32:49

beastofburden you have to tell us what that sport was please ?

Lilacroses Thu 17-Oct-13 15:35:25

It depends what you mean by "diet" though doesn't it? I've changed the way I eat but I don't see it as a diet more as my diet if that makes sense. I think you have to find a way of eating that is healthy for the most part but also allows you to enjoy the foods that you like some of the time. Well, you don't have to do anything but you know what I mean!

I wouldn't want to be going to weight watchers for example for the rest of my life but as Worra says neither do I want to end up larger and larger as the years progress so DP and I have decided we are determined to find something that works for us long term.

msshapelybottom Thu 17-Oct-13 15:38:09

Another fan of Health at Every Size. I am in the middle of recovering from 6 years of pretty extreme dieting and exercising in order to try and force my body into a size it was never meant to be. I buggered my metabolism up good and proper! I had an eating disorder really.

There is a book by Linda Bacon called Health at Every Size which is quite eye opening. It cites lots of research which shows that people who are overweight are not the burden on the health system as is made out.

Personally I will never diet again. I kept 3 stone off for almost 5 years but by the time I gave up my hair & eyebrows were falling out, I was always freezing cold, I wasn't sleeping and I was putting the weight back on anyway despite still restricting calories and lifting weights.

I was no happier at a size 10 than I am now at a size 16, and now my health is slowly coming back.

Maybe start working on how you feel inside? Do you really want to diet for the rest of your life?

Beastofburden Thu 17-Oct-13 15:54:15

frumpet I dont want my friend to feel outed by me, so I need to be a bit vague. It was an endurance sport, involving several hours of training every weekend, and some major events once or twice a year which took several days and were very sociable. Examples of that kind of sport include marathon running, triathlons and long distance cycling.

Snatchoo Thu 17-Oct-13 16:04:20

If you are logging that on MFP, I can almost guarantee you that people would say you are starving yourself!

I don't want to have to maintain my weight on a meagre 1500 calories per day so I low carb. I don't count calories (although sometimes I do log on MFP to chart everything) and I know I do lose better when I'm eating more.

Also, plateaus can last a loooooooooong time.

rainbowfeet Thu 17-Oct-13 16:15:44

I dread to think of the danger I've put my health in over the last 20 years with my obsession ... Extreme starvation, binging, banned slimming pills, laxatives, purging... But I know by far the one organ that I've damaged is my brain!!! Some days I look in the mirror & just cry wishing I didn't have to leave the house! confused

GiddyStars Thu 17-Oct-13 16:23:53

Having a slipped disc will play merry hell with your weight might be a tad bitter angry so please try not to worry too much at the moment. It's the inactivity and the over eating because you are in constant pain and feeling depressed I may be projecting a bit grin

Just make sure you try and do some gentle Pilates when you can so that you don't fuck up your metabolism with immobility like I did. That way it will be easier to pick up where you left off when you are feeling better.

But honestly, go easy on yourself. It is a lot simpler and less soul destroying to attack the fat when you are not in pain already. It's falling off me now only 4 stone to go

Skinheadmermaid Thu 17-Oct-13 16:35:03

Cut the carbs and start exercising. Start with weight lifting, this will burn more calories then cardio and will tone and shape you (and no you won't get big or masculine looking) then once you've lost a few points and feel fitter start jogging, swimming and join the gym or learn a martial art.
I was overweight from the age of approximately 13, even though i watched everything i ate, simply because i did absolutely no exercise, i had no friends and spent all my time in my room reading. In my early twenties I gave up watching what i ate, was very depressed and miserable and consequently absolutely ballooned and ended up over eighteen stone.
I have since lost this and for the first time in my life am a normal weight.
I recently have gained a few pounds because i started eating carbs again and drinking alcohol-don't do it! Cut out all the white flour from your diet and the alcohol and you will see results.
Stick to vegetables, dairy and meat. Don't bother with low fat crap, it will just leave you craving more.
Don't fool yourself that you look fine, you know in your heart that you can look so much better.
If i can do it so can you.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 17-Oct-13 16:56:44

OP, the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept yourself for who you are and stop worrying about not conforming to some accepted norm. Your weight and height sound fine and you are obviously healthy and mindful about what you eat.

I stopped 'dieting' years ago although generally follow the WW points plan as a guide as left to my own devices I would just keep putting on weight! As proved by the 1.5 stone put on over the summer when I ate whatever I fancied......

Thanks guys smile mixed responses here! I know I need to lose weight and I know I'll look better if I do, but, in the past, I've been a size 12 (when I had horses and was competing regularly) and I've been a size 18-20, and I cannot remember any difference in how I have felt about myself. At a 12, I felt fat, hated how I looked in clothes, felt like everyone was judging me because of how I looked. At an 18, ditto. I don't feel comfortable in my skin, never have done and probably never will do, and I think I need to address that issue and try to like myself a bit more! Not quite sure how exactly...

msshapelybottom Thu 17-Oct-13 19:03:24

JulietBravo, why do you think you need to lost weight? Who do you want to look "better" for? Better than what exactly?

You've hit the nail on the head, you need to work on accepting yourself now and think about the other stuff later. Nothing good ever came from hating yourself!

msshapelybottom Thu 17-Oct-13 19:03:58

Ohbloody hell, I meant "nothing good ever comes from hating yourself".

josephinebruce Thu 17-Oct-13 19:18:20

JulietBravo - I've been there and know exactly how you feel! It also didn't help that my last partner made it clear that I was far too fat for him (he admitted that all the women he'd been involved with before me had been practically anorexic) and, although I hate to admit it, his attitude really hurt - even though I knew he was a right tosser.
I wish I had the solution to make you feel better about yourself and the magic words to convince you that you are ok as you are - but you have to believe it yourself.
Just get yourself better and start moving a bit more - having a back injury is a good incentive to do a bit of physical activity - I have one and feel better when I'm exercising...nothing heavy or too much and I don't try and compete with the gym bunnies. And relax and just eat healthily. If you want that Milky Way have it. Just don't have the Mars Bar as well!!
Mostly, take care of yourself and try and see yourself for the lovely, gorgeous, curvy woman you are xx

nobutts Thu 17-Oct-13 19:29:19

You're eating quite a lot of carbs and sugar in sorbets, fruit, wine and chocolate. Eat much more protein - and make it tasty - don't lose the fat on it..steaks, chops, duck breasts, meatballs, eggs. More leafy veg, way fewer carbs, lift weights, do squats...you'll lose weight end of. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle choice. If you really change to this kind of eating, it'll be hard to have too large portions and once the weight falls of (it will without fail) you'll be able to eat the treats you're eating normally anyway. AND accept yourself as you are..but who you are isn't in your weight, it's your personality, love, humour and life.

Housesellerihope Thu 17-Oct-13 19:29:47

JBJ, I do think you'll be healthier if you lose weight. A couple of things that have helped me lose were 1. eat a big bowl of raw vegetables 30 minutes before lunch and dinner (fills you up so you eat less calorie-dense stuff), and quit eating anything with more than 10g sugar per 100g. very dark choclate is ok - after a week or two of this sugary foods just started tasting weird and unpleasant to me. Finally once a week just have a blowout meal and eat what you like with the exception of sugar. That way instead of looking forward to treats at each meal you can look forward to that one particular meal instead. For me knowing I'd be having a curry with naan and all the trimmings at the weekend kept me going during the week.

However if you decide to accept yourself as you are that's ok too, but definitely once your back is better increase the amount of exercise you do because exercise can protect your health even if you're overweight.

There's a very interesting though fairly academic article here about weight loss myths and facts www.nejm.org/doi/pdf/10.1056/NEJMsa1208051

Nancy66 Thu 17-Oct-13 19:38:30

You're not big and I bet absolutely nobody thinks you are either. You're active, you're healthy.

If you stop fretting about food, stop analysing and calorie counting and obsessing you'll prob find you'll drop some weight anyhow.

GatoradeMeBitch Thu 17-Oct-13 19:44:15

OP, can I ask what treatment you are on for your thyroid? I'm guessing levothyroxine?

Do you just get your TSH tested? And have you had your iron levels checked recently?

This https://healthunlocked.com/thyroiduk/questions has been a fantastic resource for me, also the Stop the Thyroid Madness site, though it's USA based the 'What We've Learned' tab is particularly useful www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 17-Oct-13 20:29:31

Juliet My anorexic mother was always the one who made me feel fat whether I was size 12 or size 20. That has taken a lot of dealing with. Thankfully my lovely DH has always accepted me for who I am and that has gone a long way to help me accept myself. FWIW I am 5.6 and vary at the mo between 13 and 14.5 stone. Pre DC I was always around 11 stone and felt fat. I feel fat now but accept that I always will, I am hard wired to feel this way. I felt fat at 9 stone ffs.

So at 42 and fed up to the back teeth of feeling inadequate I have decided to follow my DH's lead and love me for who I am.

Incidentally I am a solicitor and have 2 lovely children, a fab DH and a lovely life but even back when qualifying I told DH with all honesty that I would rather be thin than be a solicitor. Qualifying seemed a much more realistic goal! I was 11 stone and size 12/14 at the time......

Yes I'm on levothyroxine. Had bloods done about 8 weeks ago and I think they tested for iron levels then. Usually get TSH levels checked once a year but maybe I ought to go and ask for them to be done again?

GatoradeMeBitch Thu 17-Oct-13 20:43:27

It seems like most people need their TSH level to be under 1 to feel well and function properly. (The NHS does not agree...)

I only started feeling well when I replaced levo with lyothyronine (T3 instead of T4.) The NHS really screws us over, but you can help yourself absorb your meds better in different ways - avoiding goitrogenic foods, soya, peanuts; remembering to take your pill with a full glass of water every morning then waiting about an hour before eating, or even take it before bed - a lot of patients have had success with that.

GatoradeMeBitch Thu 17-Oct-13 20:45:48

Oops, posted too soon. I meant to add that I think the NHS considers your bloods to be perfect if your TSH is under 5.

When my TSH was at about 3 I was constantly exhausted. I'm appalled that they let people with a TSH of nearly 5 just carry on with no extra support offered.

Thants Thu 17-Oct-13 20:59:05

Just accept yourself! There's nothing wrong with you. So many women are on a perpetual diet which just leads to more stress and less health. Focus on things other than your appearance.

MillyMillyMe Thu 17-Oct-13 21:09:23

Juliet
You don't eat too much
You exercise plenty
What about adding some light weights to your exercise routine. Weights help to tone up the muscles, help you to reduce your dress size and your clothes get loser and they increase your metabolism even at rest. You might need to up your protein.
Some of us just don't seem to lose much weight no matter how much we try unless we starve ourselves but that doesn't work for long. I have found that my weight routine and lots of walking really does make me go down a dress size or two although I don't change on the scales as muscle weighs more than fat but my clothes are definitely loser. I do Paul McKenna and I eat whatever I want as long as I am truly hungry and stop as soon as I am satisfied. After about 6 months I found that my portions have decreased a hell of a lot and im satisfied with very little because im eating all the foods I love.
I think that a lot of what people have said with regard to how we actually see ourselves in the mirror is true. Somedays I see a big fat girl and it can ruin my day. Other days I see a curvy gorgeous woman and know I look great. Paul McKenna also does a lot of psychological work with you in his book and mirror work. Very very helpful.
In my humble opinion, diets do not work. They don't work long term and nearly always at some point lead to overeating on food. What I personally have found after many many years is to eat like a "normal" slim person who has no food issues. They very rarely overeat....why would they......they are full. They don't use food like some of us do, for comfort, hugs, stress relief, happiness etc etc. Slim people just eat when they are hungry. Too simple maybe......???? For me it has been the only thing that has stopped the horrible cycle of hating myself.

Lilacroses Thu 17-Oct-13 21:12:07

I think if you felt fat at size 12 then maybe you really ought to stop dieting and just "be happy". I know that is easy to say but what is the point if you lose the weight and you still feel rubbish? I honestly believe that anyone can look great and it really isn't about being thin. I also believe that slim people can be unhealthy and larger people can be very healthy and active. I suppose what I would do if I were you is find a way of eating that you are happy with, that is quite healthy but allows you to have treats sometimes. Exercise regularly and then see what happens.

happybubblebrain Thu 17-Oct-13 22:02:52

Try and stop letting your body size be of such importance to you. Don't buy women's magazines. Don't look in the mirror much. Stop weighing yourself and measuring everything. Don't worry what other people think when they look at you. When I meet someone I'm not checking out their body, I'm trying to figure out what they're like as a person. Your personality and how good you are to others is a million times more important than how you look.

If you aim to be healthy and happy you will far more attractive than if you are skinny but miserable because you are hungry all the time.

Nottalotta Thu 17-Oct-13 22:13:57

I should read this thread fully. JBJ i know how you feel. I am the same height as you and am 12 st 7. Almost all of my clothes don't fit me. I am active - ride 3 times a week and poo pick for 5 daily!! Two classes a week (one cardio one strength)

I am a yoyo dieter. Lose weight quickly when i put my mind to it but cannot keep it off and haven't managed to put my mind to it for over a year.

But....i don't want to be happy with myself. So i need to get a grip....

Hanging around on FWR board has finally given me the confidence to loudly say that i love my body. Im 'fat' by conventional ideas (size 18) but i'm healthy and strong and fit. My body has made people. My body is AMAZING. So is yours.

MillyMillyMe Thu 17-Oct-13 22:29:23

Whats the FWR board please TooOld smile

TrueStory Thu 17-Oct-13 22:33:50

What happybubblebrain said!

Also, recommend reading "Fat Chance" by Dr Robert Lustig, have a look at the reviews on Amazon.

Feminism/womens rights

MillyMillyMe Thu 17-Oct-13 22:39:00

Thank you.

GenericNWMum Thu 17-Oct-13 22:55:46

Juliet I think there's a lot of merit in working out how I love yourself rather than focusing on your weight, but wanted to share the stress-free way I have found to lose a persistent stone i'd had for 3-4 years without ever getting rid of it. I bought the "escape the diet trap" book by John Briffa and lost that stone in 3 months and 6 months later it hasn't gone back on - because as another poster said up thread I've changed what my diet is, rather than be on a diet IYSWIM. It basically recommends, stopping all wheat products and cutting back completely on any grains at all - if you do have them they should be unrefined. Limit intake of sugar, always chose the full fat option and eat loads of leafy greens and protein. I don't feel like I'm on a diet, or that my food is bland. What really surprised me is that I don't feel bloated after meals anymore - hasn't realised I basically felt a bit unwell all the time!

On another note I can recommend meditation as a good way to improve self image

GenericNWMum Thu 17-Oct-13 22:57:34

Phone is nuts - clearly i meant working on loving yourself - not me loving yourself...although I suspect you are a very loveable person!

FreddieStarrAteMyHamster Fri 18-Oct-13 11:32:02

Dieting is too restrictive and miserable to manage long term. The only weight control method I have been able to stick to is the 5:2 as it doesn't dominate my life and it's simple (and for most of the week i can eat what I want).

rainbowfeet Sat 19-Oct-13 14:37:50

Toooldforglitter ... grin Your post is brilliant!
Tonight I shall go on my date with the attitude this is me if you don't like all of me... Don't text or ring me again... Your loss grin

badguider Sat 19-Oct-13 14:50:25

IMO and experience people who participate in sport (rather than "exercise") always look and more importantly feel better than those of the same size/weight as those who don't.

Not sure what treatment you're getting for your back but I swear by the value of private Physio (usually about £40) where you can get a programme to prepare and strengthen for riding again.
Focus on what your body can do rather than what it looks like and you will feel better, carry yourself better and end up looking better smile

Hi smile thanks for all the replies!
badguider I'm seeing a chiropractor and it's making the world of difference! Expensive, but cheaper than being off work for weeks!

I shall check out these book recommendations smile

CaptainTripps Sat 19-Oct-13 16:35:12

I've done it. I've lost a good bit of weight. Took 2 years. The key for me was exercise and portion control.
I do advise you to dump the milky ways and have a really good quality chocolate in the fridge with high cocoa content. Have a couple of squares to get rid of the chocolate craving. It won't leave you wanting more.
Bread rolls are a waste of calories. Like someone else said, they are at least 150 cals. I must have my bread but I have the Hovis small loaf - 50 cals per slice.
I don't think you should stop calories counting. Well - just be aware of what you are ingesting. I have a rough idea as with the bread example above. It doesn't mean you are obsessing over it.
I agree you should have your treats once a week.
Up your protein and lower your carbs.

specialsubject Sat 19-Oct-13 16:52:45

with your medical issues it is always going to be difficult. Is there any chance of stabilising your thyroid problem?

there are some cons in your food intake though. Yogurt is a treat, not an everyday food - it is full of sugar, especially the low-fat varieties. Try muesli or porridge. Also raisins are very very sugary. You look short on complex carbs.

but given your health problems, you aren't doing badly at all.

persimmon Sat 19-Oct-13 17:01:39

You're not much heavier and the same height as me OP, and when I joined SW two people in the queue asked me why I was there. I feel your pain, though. I'm 1.5 stones heavier than before I had DS and I know I look much more buxom and 'hippy', and I no longer wear jeans or trousers. sad
I'm now 43 and have decided to focus on health and general wellbeing rather than size. I've just booked my first spinning class (beginners!) and intend to walk a LOT more than I currently am.

I'm looking forward to getting mobile again so as I can do some exercise; it's driving me mad being like this! I just want to feel comfortable in my skin. Tonight, for example, I've been to a friends in the village for dinner. There was 7 of us there in total, all close friends who do this often. I struggled with the sitting down lark due to my back, but all I could think about all night was if my belly was sticking out, and how fat and clumsy I felt. That's what I need to get rid of; not necessarily the belly but the paranoia that I look like crap. All the people I was with have seen me regularly and couldn't give a shit how I look. I know this yet I still feel awkward sad

PrimalLass Sat 19-Oct-13 23:52:02

I'm not sure if anyone else has said this, but if you have an underactive thyroid you should be cutting back on carbs and avoiding gluten if possible.

I am the same, and should practise what I preach...

PrimalLass Sat 19-Oct-13 23:54:50
Morloth Sun 20-Oct-13 00:15:33

Stop dieting.

Start exercising, especially weight work.

You might not lose weight but you will feel fantastic and you will eat more protein and less carbs by default because that is what your body will demand for muscle building/toning.

Can you find/afford a personal trainer who can help strengthen your back? Yourcchiropractor can probably recommend someone.

At the minute, I can't afford much to be honest. I'm struggling to pay the chiropractor as I'm not getting any sick pay sad Ironically, I've been looking for a horse share for a while now, and this week, I've had two different people ring me asking if I'm interested in riding their horses! Sod's law!

GatoradeMeBitch Sun 20-Oct-13 01:10:48

I may well be adding two and two and making five OP, because I don't know the reason for your bad back, but if it is muscle tension/spasm, that is actually a common symptom of under-treated hypothyroidism.

The cause isn't entirely clear but some people theorize that levothyroxine leaches certain minerals from your body over time, and they say that magnesium supplements help a lot, some people say it's an iron deficiency. Or sometimes it can be fibromyalgia, that's connected to low thyroid and causes back pain.

I saw osteopaths and chiropractors for my spasming neck muscles for months, but supplementing made the difference in the end.

But maybe it's a coincidence in your case and you injured it another way. I'm afraid I sound like a mad woman whose answer to every health problem is 'It's your THYROID!!!' But I thought I would pass the information along just in case smile

GatoradeMeBitch that's a very interesting theory and certainly something I hadn't thought of smile My doctor actually mentioned the possibility of FM a few months ago, as I get a lot of aches and pains, extreme fatigue, headaches, IBS type problems and trouble sleeping, but they didn't suggest checking it out further.

My back, this time, is a slipped disc caused by lifting and sneezing at the same time, but it was aching before I did that and I should've really stopped before it got as bad as it did.

I will certainly look into supplements smile

GatoradeMeBitch Sun 20-Oct-13 14:59:45

If you decide on magnesium supps, magnesium citrate is the best kind. I take Lamberts MagAbsorb, but Nature's Best are good too. (Holland & Barrett supplements are not that good generally, and they often use soya as an ingredient which is bad for underactive thyroids.) It's best taken about an hour before bed, and calcium helps it absorb so I usually eat a small yoghurt at the same time.

And I'm taking a Solgar Gentle Iron tablet with a glass of orange juice because the vit c helps iron absorption. With iron you have to remember not to take it on an empty stomach, and to keep it at least a few hours away from your thyroxine (same goes for calcium).

I hope this might help, and I hope you feel better soon!

GatoradeMeBitch Sun 20-Oct-13 15:14:21

Oh, and some people swear by eating a couple of brazil nuts everyday, because lack of selenium can be an issue too!

If your GP agrees to it, broad spectrum blood tests are a good idea - including iron, ferritin, vitamin B12 and vitamin D. The people on the health unlocked thyroid board are great at interpreting results.

Rufus44 Sun 20-Oct-13 16:15:22

You could be me! Same height and nearly same weight. Just had my thyroxine increased as to be healthy someone with an already damaged thyroid should be at about 1 not just under 5!

Really interesting articles about it on some of the thyroid s websites. I can't say I have lost weight but it is easier to maintain

I really struggle with low carb as I am veggie, and I also get fed up a the idea of "dieting" for the rest of my life! I am just trying to stay at a realistic weight, I used to weigh 9 bloody stone!!!!! I'm never seeing that again!

Yes it's the dieting forever thing that's getting me down! I know I need to be healthy, but I need to enjoy life as well, and I get great enjoyment out of food smile
I will certainly get my levels checked out, and read up more on helping my condition, plus supplements, as I feel it's all linked. In the meantime, I think I'm going to stop the diet and work on liking myself a little more!
Back seems to be improving; I'm more mobile today definitely, so fingers crossed I'll be able to get a bit more active soon!

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