To be a bit weirded out by work colleague's behaviour?

(48 Posts)
VulvaVoom Wed 16-Oct-13 15:07:59

I've returned to work from Maternity leave and have pretty much started a new position, some colleagues are ones I know and some are new people.

I took my DD into work this pm to see my old work friends/colleagues, there's a man who I don't know very well and have only had (very brief) work chat with over the past 2 days.

He bounds over, says 'is it a he or a she?' I then tell him and he starts putting DDs socked foot in and out of his mouth while she's sat on a colleagues lap. I felt a bit weird about it and a bit embarrassed, he then picks her up and put her on his lap and starts lowering her through his legs quickly (as if she's falling) and back up again.

He's quite a, shall we say, eccentric man from what I can tell but it made me feel quite strange. Men don't generally grab babies off of women they hardly know do they? This isn't an thread against men holding babies, I guess if it was a familiar known male colleague, I would have no odd feelings but this is strange yes?

Prepared to be told I'm the weird one BTW, I really can't tell if IBU?

YouTheCat Wed 16-Oct-13 15:09:19

Would you be bothered if a woman had done that?

TheGhostsAndGhoulsOfHitchhikin Wed 16-Oct-13 15:10:48

Would you have found it strange if it was a woman?

pollywollydoodle Wed 16-Oct-13 15:14:21

i'd have found that odd from anyone who didn't already have a relationship with dd

was he trying to impress you?

VulvaVoom Wed 16-Oct-13 15:16:28

That's the thing, I don't know but like I say, I wouldn't have been weirded out if it had been a male work colleague I have known for years.

I probably would have found it AS strange if it was a woman who had barely acknowledged me but then fawned over my child IYSWIM?

Maybe it's because he seemed odd to me anyway and not someone I would have thought was at all interested in my child (or me for that matter) and I mean in a purely 'wanting to find out more about someone's life in a general work chit chat' kind of way.

WorraLiberty Wed 16-Oct-13 15:17:12

I've seen tons of men and women do that with babies over the years, I don't think it's odd at all...especially considering his colleagues were fussing over your baby.

But did he really 'bound' over and did he really 'grab' the baby?

WorraLiberty Wed 16-Oct-13 15:18:35

I suspect he really isn't that interested in your child at all and will have forgotten all about her by now.

YouTheCat Wed 16-Oct-13 15:19:26

Some people just really like babies.

I find them all odd. Whenever someone tries to pass me a baby in the staffroom (often because there's a constant stream of pregnancies) I say no thanks. grin

LondonNightmareInGhostlyBoots Wed 16-Oct-13 15:19:33

If you didn't know him its a little forward - does he have dcs? he could ve trying for dcs with his dw or there could be impending fatherhood, he could just love kids! I would have definitely done that if I knew the mother - insanely broody, and if dh knew the mother he would have done the same - he is also insanely broody, but if he doesn't know you at all its a bit forward. same if a woman you don't know did so. Not sinister, just boundaries!

Have you got on quite well with him in the time you've been working together? he could have thought you wouldn't mind if you've got on well.

VulvaVoom Wed 16-Oct-13 15:27:46

London I've been back at work 2 weeks (PT) and have only very briefly spoken to him a couple of times, once when we walked back to the office from a meeting and found ourselves walking together for about 2 mins - quite awkward conversation. Don't know his situation at all in relation whether he has DCs and DW/DP.

Worra He started waving at DD from the other side of the room first, I didn't spot that until friend/colleague said something like 'Oh look X is waving at you' he then kind of did bound over and did kind of grab her from colleagues lap after the foot odd stuff. He probably has forgotten all about it, but why show such strange overenthusiasm?

The more I write, the more I think I'm being a bit weird myself grin

Sallykitten Wed 16-Oct-13 15:28:30

I would not like somebody I did not do well putting my babies feet in their mouth or making touching them like this. Don't care if it's a man or woman, it's inappropriate.

WorraLiberty Wed 16-Oct-13 15:35:09

He is over enthusiastic, I'll give him that! grin

I'm more of a 'smile at the baby and pray no-one wants me to hold it' blush

YouTheCat Wed 16-Oct-13 15:46:54

I'm with you, Worra. grin

Nancy66 Wed 16-Oct-13 15:49:54

He sounds a bit socially awkward but, I'm guessing, you won't be taking your daughter into work again so I wouldn't worry about it.

Some people are just a bit inappropriate with kids (not in a disturbing way) I mean they just don't quite know how to interact.

GrendelsMum Wed 16-Oct-13 17:00:50

The 'dropping through legs' thing is quite normal, isn't it? Just a game adults play with babies.

Aniseeda Wed 16-Oct-13 17:02:08

Sounds as if he struggles a bit socially but loves babies.

I'd have probably felt a bit confused but sometimes people can go a bit over the top when anxious and trying to make a good impression, perhaps he thought interacting with the baby was a way to get to know you, I don't know.

Before I had my own babies, I always used to make a beeline for them, I loved them and would always try and get a cuddle. These days I am more likely to admire from a safe distance. I like them but don't have the same urge to hold them grin

LimitedEditionLady Wed 16-Oct-13 18:29:53

Dunno if im on my own but i think that its quite sweet...some people are just great with babies as long as the baby is happy i wouldnt really mind.He is showing an interest you might end up having a nice work friend to chat to!

harticus Wed 16-Oct-13 18:58:29

He sounds like a man who is very used to being around babies and likes them.
It isn't weird for men to be good with children.

UrethraFranklin Wed 16-Oct-13 19:08:57

It doesn't sound weird to me. Some people are just comfortable around babies! He could have babies in his own family who he has played these games with - they're quite common IMO anyway.

Doubtfuldaphne Wed 16-Oct-13 19:09:07

The poor guy just likes babies! I think my dad would be the same and probably dh!
I have been through a weird experience. I was in a cafe when I just popped over to pay at the till leaving my dd in the pushchair at the table. The guy sitting behind started trying to take off dd's shoes and socks?? I still shudder when I think of that.

RevelsRoulette Wed 16-Oct-13 19:42:48

Or perhaps he thought that making a big fuss about your baby would make you like him?

mrsjay Wed 16-Oct-13 19:52:32

e sounds just over excited some men love babies especially older babies my dh loves them he doesnt bound though grin OP if it had been a random woman you just met you probably would think she was just a bit bonkers over babies , I really dont want to hold babies at all and i work with them I am not overly fussed over holds and cuddles grin

PenelopePipPop Wed 16-Oct-13 19:55:53

I'm a law academic. I was really touched and amused when my colleagues, mainly middle-aged male professors of law went gooey over my DD. And they went seriously dementedly gooey. I cannot name my dept on here, they'd never recover from the shame.

But yes some unlikely people get very excited by babies. Which I found rather lovely.

mrsjay Wed 16-Oct-13 19:58:41

aww penelope thats nice

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Wed 16-Oct-13 20:01:40

What did you think was inappropriate? What did you think his intention was?

You already thought he was weird (from a two min conversation?) Did that cloud your perception of the events?

Milkjug Wed 16-Oct-13 20:03:26

I knew someone exactly like this. He was terribly socially awkward, especially around women, went scarlet every time he spoke to one, and he adored children and was desperate to have some of his own. You would find him playing with any child in the vicinity. I found it rather touching, and I gather he's now married with daughters, so hurrah.

coldwinter Wed 16-Oct-13 20:05:18

I can't see any issue with this at all confused

DH would do this. He is gaga about babies. When my niece was a colicky screaming nightmare, her mum used to ask him to come up to give her an hour of peace. He is the baby whisperer voodoo man. Either that or he's actually boring them to sleep grin

Mushypeasandchipstogo Wed 16-Oct-13 20:09:23

YANBU he sounds a bit weird to me but a wouldn't worry too much if your DD is not going to see him again!

FrauMoose Wed 16-Oct-13 20:11:13

It's very odd really. On the one hand we act as if paedophiles are round every corner and everyone who comes within 100 metres must be CRB checked, children put under virtual house arrest etc. We are big on 'stranger danger'

But when somebody who we are acquainted with basically comes up and grabs a female baby, does a spot of toe-sucking and passes her near his genitals we say, 'Oh how sweet he just loves babies. What's your problem with that?'

It doesn't add up does it?

MarcelineTheVampireQueen Wed 16-Oct-13 20:14:41

Oh for Christ sakes Frau Moose, He wasnt rubbing the baby of his fucking genitals!!!!

Tuppenceinred Wed 16-Oct-13 20:15:14

FrauMoose that post is crazy. When a baby is cradled on someone's lap would you describe that as being close to their genitals? I put my baby nephew on my lap to rock him backwards and forwards, meaning his feet are near my "genitals". Does that mean I've got some sort of weird baby foot fetish?
Would the reaction be the same if a woman had played with Op's baby in the same way?
As others say, it sounds as if this bloke loves babies, in a completely normal and non-sexual way. He may have been a bit OTT, but I've seen women and men go similarly stupid when faced with a little one.
FFS the world's gone bloody mad.

phantomnamechanger Wed 16-Oct-13 20:25:39

cant see the problem, perfectly lovely behaviour IMO from a man who happens to like, and from the sounds of it be experienced with, babies.

The poster on about passing the baby near his genitals is just unbelievable!

NEWS FLASH - babies sit in laps all the time!

marriedinwhiteisback Wed 16-Oct-13 20:30:27

I'd find it a bit over the top to be honest. I wouldn't have taken my children to work as babies though. Work's work; private is private and best kept that way.

atomicyoghurt Wed 16-Oct-13 20:38:03

Haha he sounds like a total freak. Sorry but I can't imagine when it would be ok to put bits of a baby in your mouth, unless it's your own baby.

quoteunquote Wed 16-Oct-13 21:56:54

To me he just sounds like he is one of the people who loves babies,

what is quite sad that it is frowned on to be like that.

Poor fella. He sounds a bit like my dh. Great with small ones, awkward with big ones. Friends love bringing their kids round here as my dh will have them building stuff with lego, painting or playing in the garden. They get at least an hour of peace.

Frau your post is actually quite sickening.

CackleCackle Wed 16-Oct-13 22:20:32

This reminds me of a similar thing that happened when I was in scbu with my 1st born, she was a day old. She had a bit of trouble breathing and had a few tests done. My partner and I were waiting with her when a male doctor probably in his 40's came in to discuss the results. All fine btw He picked her up and went all gooey/coochy coochy coo on her, look at you! (Holds her right up arms stretched right out) Aren't you gorgeous? So much hair (blows rasberrys at her). Dp and were like hmm at each other. But to be honest I found it sweet, he was obviously in the right job! He loved babies! Everyone else we'd been spoken to by was so clinical. No major expression, serious. It was a breath of fresh air.

CackleCackle Wed 16-Oct-13 22:32:49

*Dp and I

Some people love babies. Prefer kittens myself.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 16-Oct-13 22:38:59

Perhaps over enthusiastic but nothing more than that.

FrauMouse what a bizarre thing to say. Weird.

I love babies - thank goodness I'm female and won't be classed as weird or viewed with suspicion!

I'm sure he was just enjoying interacting with your DD perfectly innocently. Some people do genuinely love babies/toddlers/children - if there was a room full of people and babies I'd much rather be interacting with a baby than an adult. Other people can't think of anything worse than being handed a baby and probably don't get those that enjoy it.

My ex partner loved babies and children under about 7, we attended a wedding at a hotel once and entertained a strangers baby so they could eat, whilst waiting for the night time party.

We have fone the same around the pool on holiday. I have 3 children, he has 2. My former DH was the same.

I am in Liverpool, we tend to be forward with children and it is accepted by parents.

I have to hold myself back when I see babies, I could happily entertain them for hours, they are wonderful.

I feel sorry for men who feel the same, as they are thought of as strange by many.

Following on from Frau's post.

Under 2's have feet that you want to play with etc, as baby's brain development is enhanced by them making the connection between their hands and feet and control, it is natural to aid development by using a baby's feet to interact.

Getting a baby to clap does the same.

Or do I need help and keeping away from small children, as well confused

Frau, surely the female colleague is then guilty of placing the child on her genitals if she had her on her lap?

Or do only heterosexual males abuse children?

I am normally one if the few voices explaining how many sex offenders there are in society and not to let children wander on their own, btw.

Your post is indeed sickening.

lionheart Thu 17-Oct-13 10:36:33

Honestly, it sounds like he just loves babies but I understand that it must have felt a bit peculiar since you don't know him well. Actually, if you did know him it might feel stange. There are lots of threads on MN about the ways others, family, friends, strangers interact with babies and young children. I think, inevitably, having a baby just makes you more sensitive/protective when it comes to boundaries and your children.

Frau - your post has really disgusted me.

Men are allowed to go a bit gooey over babies. Doesn't mean they're looking for sexual gratification FFS.

Frau Your post is sickening. There aren't sex offenders on every sodding corner!!

OP, it might have weirded me out. But a lot of people can be a bit deer in the headlights when they meet a new person. I suspect he just likes babies, or has one of his own.

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