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AIBU to find it irritating my DH doesn't shower everyday.

(115 Posts)
bumpandkind Mon 14-Oct-13 08:39:51

My Dh can happily go three days or more at a time without washing. He admittedly never smells bad ( although his hair gets greasy) and he thinks it is a middle class obsession with cleanliness that he doesn't have to be a part of. I don't find it disgusting but it does wind me up.

Edendance Mon 14-Oct-13 08:41:53

I agree with him I'm afraid, I bath once every 2-3 days, and my partner showers similarly. Neither of us smell, if I did then I'd definitely bath more!! It's not necessary to wash more than that for me, everyone's different!

I'm very surprised he doesn't smell greasy and sweaty - my dh gets pretty smelly rushing about at work - showers twice a day most days.

I feel revolting if I don't shower every day - my crotch would stink.

YANBU, what a minger. I bet he's got a cheesy helmet.

CoffeeTea103 Mon 14-Oct-13 08:45:12

Yanbu, just confused

Ihatemytoes Mon 14-Oct-13 08:46:44

Ugh! That's just rank! What's middle class about wanting to be clean?? YANBU.

Flossyfloof Mon 14-Oct-13 08:46:51

It's gross not to shower at least once a day. Takes two minutes - why would you not? And be clear - you do stink if you don't do so.

complexnumber Mon 14-Oct-13 08:48:22

I agree with your DH, it does seem like some sort of obsession that certainly wasn't present 30 years ago (and people were not stinky then, I know because I was there)

I do confess that I have bought into this obsession and feel very uncomfortable if I have not had a morning shower.

Thants Mon 14-Oct-13 08:48:24

I shower everyday but my friend at work showers every other day or every third day and although I mock him for this he never smells! I smelt right in his armpit lol and it is fresh! Lucky I suppose that he doesn't get smelly because I would reek.

IncognitoErgoSum Germany Mon 14-Oct-13 08:49:00

Why are people who shower every day so sure that they would "stink" if they didn't? I agree with OP's DH. Why does it wind you up if he doesn't smell and you don't find it disgusting?

PavlovtheCat Mon 14-Oct-13 08:49:09

I don't shower every day. DH does. It winds me up. using hot water unnecessarily just to do the school run.

I wash very day though, that sorts out any risk of a potential smelly fango. I mostly shower as often as I do because my hair looks shocking otherwise, but even then I sometimes just stick the shower over it.

I am assured I don't stink. But, I am not wholly bothered if I have a tiny bit of armpit smell within my clean clothes (changed every day). It's not going to be significant or for very long as it's not like I go for weeks without a wash. 2-3 days. Of course if I am stinking I will shower, or if I have been to the gym, even if I showered that morning, so it's not out of principle it's just pointless to shower for no reason.

NicknameIncomplete Mon 14-Oct-13 08:50:26

I dont shower everyday but i do wash everyday. How can you not wash & be clean & not smell.

PavlovtheCat Mon 14-Oct-13 08:50:36

So, to answer your question. YABU.

Flossyfloof Mon 14-Oct-13 08:52:48

But 30 years ago we didn't really have showers and indoor bathrooms were fairly new for many people. I hardly sweat but would feel horrible if I didn't shower every day. Why would even the possibility let alone the reality of smelling unpleasant not bother you? It makes no difference to me what I am doing during the day, I want to be clean and fresh all the time, because I can.

beepoff Mon 14-Oct-13 08:52:51

YABU. We don't need to shower every day. Although I hope he washes his face/hands/privates in the sink or something.

Flossyfloof Mon 14-Oct-13 08:53:42

Sorry that was to complexnumber.

mumtosome61 Mon 14-Oct-13 08:54:24

Perception, innit? I'd shower twice a day if I a) had the time and b) didn't hate the drying my bits/powdering nonsense. I do usually in the summer because I hate the thought of smelling bad and being sweaty.

However - we've just moved into a bathless, showerless shithole of a house that we are doing up. OH's parents live not far, so we steal a few showers a week off them and I go to the gym and abuse the water there too.

Do we smell? I don't think so. We wet-wipe/flannel it up like a bunch of teenage festival goers. Is it a bit unromantic? Definitely. OH works with chemicals, so the chances of them being able to smell him over the spirits is unlikely grin (farts are a different matter...)

Flossyfloof Mon 14-Oct-13 08:54:47

Still U if you just have a wash in the sink. Why not just jump in the shower? Yuk yuk yuk.

MetellaEstMater Mon 14-Oct-13 08:54:57

When pregnant if I didn't shower once, sometimes twice, a day you'd be able to smell me through the internet. The rest of the time once a day is no hassle and habitual but admittedly possibly not needed.

bumpandkind Mon 14-Oct-13 08:55:42

I'm really not sure why it winds me up. I think I may link it to making an effort for your partner and also I find it lazy.

cardamomginger Mon 14-Oct-13 08:56:57

Personally I think YANBU, but it probably depends on whether he is using his penis beaker properly.

BlackholesAndRevelations Mon 14-Oct-13 08:57:12

My dp stinks if he doesn't shower daily (sometimes twice). He works hard in a physical job. Yuk. I shower every day whether I have many plans or not, just don't feel awake or refreshed for the day without it.

gnittinggnome Mon 14-Oct-13 08:59:43

Regardless of what other people do, if it bothers you you either have to a) agree to let it go, and let your DH do what he wants re hygiene or b) come to a compromise with him where he has a quick splash'n'dash around his pits and bits and you feel comfortable. Just carrying on feeling wound up by this (has he always been like this? so you knew when you married him?) is not going to work.

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 14-Oct-13 08:59:50

pavlov is a fango a Halloween themed minge? grin

I don't shower everyday - every other day around gym sessions now. I find my skin is in better condition and my hair is definitely less fluffy with no itchy scalp. I work in an office so I don't really work up a sweat at work. I don't smell.

Infact I've become a bit obsessed with seeing how greasy my hair can get by washing it on Thursday and leaving it until Sunday if I don't have weekend plans. It feels amazing when you wash it after a really greasy Sunday!

sebsmummy1 Mon 14-Oct-13 08:59:58

Back in the day people also had lice and fleas, so I don't think we want to go back there.

Personally I wash everyday and so does my OH (thankfully). I don't always wash my hair everyday and I certainly don't shave underarms or legs everyday, but I like feeling clean and until someone dictates I can't or financially we have to reign it back, I shall continue to scrub the fanjo daily.

IncognitoErgoSum Germany Mon 14-Oct-13 08:59:59

Flossyfloof, it's rather more than 30 years since showers were widespread and almost everyone had bathrooms and indoor toilets well before the 1980s.

ComtesseDeSpair Mon 14-Oct-13 09:01:02

I find it irritating when DP claims he doesn't need to shower as well. I don't want to share my bed with greasy hair and unwashed arse, thanks very much.

On threads like this people always pop up to ask "How do you find the time to shower twice a day?!" and "What a waste of water, all that washing" which I find bemusing as I take less than 5 minutes to shower, including washing and conditioning my hair. It's no more difficult than faffing about with a basin of water and a flannel to have a wash. What on earth do some of you do in the shower or bath that it's a long, arduous task involving hundreds of gallons of water?

IloveJudgeJudy Mon 14-Oct-13 09:02:11

To those who say that people didn't shower every day 30 years ago and people didn't stink, that's not true. Everyone had greasy hair, but they definitely weren't so clean as now or as sweet-smelling. Everyone in this house showers at least once a day. It's only right as there are 5 of us, adult and almost adult, living together.

Fairylea Mon 14-Oct-13 09:02:28

Yanbu.

Shower every day here for both of us.

I wouldn't even contemplate having sex with someone who didn't shower every day. Gives me the urghhhhs.

IncognitoErgoSum Germany Mon 14-Oct-13 09:03:08

Good grief, sebsmummy1, hysteria, much? You don't get fleas and lice from only showering twice a week. Especially if you change your clothes every couple of days as well.

Tailtwister Mon 14-Oct-13 09:03:50

Personally I have to shower/bath at least one a day. I couldn't leave the house in the morning without washing.

However, everyone is different and I know quite a few people who don't have a full wash every day. I'm probably just smelly!

pointyfangs Mon 14-Oct-13 09:06:12

I have a problem when DH doesn't shower every day because in him it is a sign that his work-related stress/depression is getting on top of him. I don't worry about it from a hygiene POV, though the greasy hair is unappealing.

Makqueen2 Mon 14-Oct-13 09:06:35

I wish my dh showered every three days. He can go three weeks or more without a bath (he's not depressed, I think it just doesn't occur to him).

I have to shower or bath at least every day or I feel rank.

KirjavaTheCorpse Mon 14-Oct-13 09:07:30

It's actually not very good for your skin or hair, to scrub it 'clean' every day. Especially with the natural oil-stripping qualities of most soaps and shampoos, SLS etc, you're drying yourself out so much that your body overcompensates oil production and you'll feel dirty and greasy quicker.

Burmobasher Mon 14-Oct-13 09:08:20

Yanbu. My dh and I shower every day, I wouldn't leave the house without one. I certainly don't see it as a class issue either.

Flossyfloof Mon 14-Oct-13 09:08:54

OMG how can you be with someone who is not sweet-smelling? I was thinking of showering every day when going about one's business, hadn't thought about shagging someone who wasn't clean. Sleeping with someone who hasn't showered for three days? I repeat - yuk, yuk, yuk.
Oh - and Ergo, I don't think that showers were that widespread but perhaps we were just poor.

BerstieSpotts Mon 14-Oct-13 09:10:57

Mumtosome don't powder your bits!! It's really dangerous I thought?!

I don't shower every day. It bothers DP although I don't smell. (I have asked him)

To people who say it barely takes any time, yes, it might take 2 minutes to shower but then it seems to take forever to get dry and dry your hair! I hate being cold and it's always freezing getting out of a nice warm shower into the house which is cold by comparison no matter how well it's heated.

However I love showering after exercise and getting out doesn't bother me half as much.

I think I'm just a wuss blush

Flossyfloof Mon 14-Oct-13 09:11:36

Do people who don't shower regularly not do their teeth either? Because they don't get plaque? Or because they simply don't need to?

complexnumber Mon 14-Oct-13 09:11:49

But 30 years ago we didn't really have showers and indoor bathrooms were fairly new for many people.

That made me really laugh! I was referring to the 1980's, not the 1890's!

BerstieSpotts Mon 14-Oct-13 09:12:06

Although, DP gets very dry flaky scalp and has very fine hair and plain doesn't believe me that I think this is because he is washing it too much. He thinks there is no such thing.

sebsmummy1 Mon 14-Oct-13 09:14:41

I was just remarking about the 'good old days' when people couldn't wash their clothes or themselves and stank and had fleas and lice. I wasn't suggesting showering every other day in 2013 would cause an infestation lol.

IncognitoErgoSum Germany Mon 14-Oct-13 09:17:02

Flossyfloof, we was poor in the 1980s too. I'd say that there were far fewer fancy shower units but many over-bath showers. I had just become an adult in the early 1980s and when I was looking for cheap accommodation, they all had showers. Apart from the one flat at university with an outside toilet where we installed a shower (with the landlord's agreement) in a spare cupboard.

Flossyfloof Mon 14-Oct-13 09:18:02

Bertie you are right, it is not good to powder your foof.
Get yourself to Home Bargains or Dunelm and get a turbanator, they are fab. By the time you have put your moisturiser on your hair is almost dry and in the meantime you are not dripping all over the shop.
I still don't think everyone had a fitted shower in the 80's. I think we probably got our first one in about 1975, I can't really remember. Before that we had a rubber attachment thing which you put onto the bath taps. When the force of the water made the thing fall off you either got roasted or frozen.

Coupon Mon 14-Oct-13 09:19:06

It used to be that people didn't bath as often, but they'd have a thorough wash on the days in between.

Damnautocorrect Mon 14-Oct-13 09:22:22

My ex was like that, it was disgusting. He did smell as well.

DontmindifIdo Mon 14-Oct-13 09:24:12

See, when I was a lass, there were lots and lots of products for greesy hair. This was an issue that lots of people have. Then some point in the late 80s, it seems like large swaths of the population solved their 'problem hair' by washing it more than once/twice a week and wow, that whole area of hair problem just dissappeared!

I think it's perfectly fine not to shower every day if you do a good strip wash in the sink on the other days, but doing a good strip wash takes longer and generally involves slooshing water all over the place, showers are quicker and contained. Not washing at all for some days is grim. You might not be able to smell yourself, you might be used to your DH's smell, but you won't be clean. It's OK not to be clean if you're a grown up and don't want to be, just don't sit next to me on the train, thanks.

OP - I can see that it would annoy you because it does seem disrespectful. It's like he doesn't care that you would prefer him to be clean, he doesn't care about being sexually attractive to you. It would doubly annoy me if he'd shower and clean himself before going out, so showing he was prepared to make an effort for other people but not you. (DH showers at least once, usually twice a day, but then he does a lot of sport/exercise, I shower daily, sometimes twice as well if I've done exercise, but I do a lot less than DH so that's a rarer thing to happen)

Dawndonnaagain Mon 14-Oct-13 09:25:15

I was born in 1958. During the sixties people would bath once a week, and wash on the days inbetween. Feet face and Fanny was the saying. So, I shower after my run, every other day and inbetween, Feet, Face and Fanny. I do not smell. I wash, on the wash days, twice a day. Mornings, and if I were going out in the evening, I would have a shower, if not, I wash before bed.

Coupon Mon 14-Oct-13 09:27:26

And underarms presumably Dawn

DontmindifIdo Mon 14-Oct-13 09:27:29

Oh and although I shower daily, I don't wash my hair every day (if I've gone to the effort of straightening it, I'm getting 2 days out of that!) - Berstie - could you not just not wash your hair in the shower and just wash the rest of you? It's not that tricky to get in the shower and not put your head under it. I'm very short and I manage to stand in the shower so it hits my body but not my hair, just tie your hair up and have a quick shower for hte rest of you. (surely this is a basic lifeskill right there, how to shower without getting your hair/face wet?)

Nancy66 Mon 14-Oct-13 09:30:52

A message to the people who don't shower every day and claim they don't smell: bet you anything you do, you just can't detect it on yourself.

IncognitoErgoSum Germany Mon 14-Oct-13 09:31:40

This is one of many articles about what happens if you don't wash hair. (Nothing - we are generally self-cleaning.)

MinesAPintOfTea Mon 14-Oct-13 09:32:57

I have a shower cap: my hair is much more manageable if washed every other day (avoids frizz explosion) so I keep it dry when I have a very speedy shower on the in-between days. It takes about 90 seconds and a quick rub dry with a towel.

Its less bother than filling a sink etc.

SouredStones Mon 14-Oct-13 09:33:38

I'm with you OP!

Preciousbane Mon 14-Oct-13 09:35:58

Thirty to forty years ago it was a bath on a Sunday evening only for us.

I do shower every day now.
I wonder how much my bills would go down if I went back to the bath once a week for everyone and clothes rarely washed as they had to be done by hand? Which was what happened when I was a girl.

When I read how some people give their dc a complete set of school uniform every day I do shudder at the thought of their heating and water bills. DS gets two a week with a bit of a spot clean in between if needed.

Forty years ago my next door neighbour didn't have a bath and did use a tin bath in front of the fire. They only had an outside loo.

I found this on the BBC website regarding social change since the 1970's apparently 10% of people still had an outside toilet and 9% didn't have a bath in the early 70's.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21698533

DontmindifIdo Mon 14-Oct-13 09:39:58

Incognito - I thought that would suggest that washing with water alone doesn't count as washing - she does wash her hair, she just doesn't use shampoo anymore. Also, if you don't use products of any sort on your hair it's fine to just wash and leave it to dry, but I have very frizzy natural hair (trust me, I've tried leaving it to do it's own thing with no products, it wasn't good), so the residue from those products needs removing - water alone will get out the grease and dirt from the air, but it won't shift the hair prodcut residue. (again, have tried, it felt sticky)

Bodies also can be washed without soap, I often shower and don't use shower gel or any products on my skin, there's a difference in washing just in water and not washing at all.

I'd be interested to read an article from someone who doesn't do anything to their hair, not saying the don't wash it but "wet it in the shower and rub" - but genuinely does nothing. I'm getting it would be minging in a very short length of time...

GrandstandingBlueTit Mon 14-Oct-13 09:40:20

The whole idea of 'body washes' with face cloths is just grim. The faff involved, you might just as well get in the shower and actually get clean.

Besides, don't you just feel nice and refreshed and, yes, clean after a shower?! What's not to like about being and feeling clean? I don't get it.

AllDirections Mon 14-Oct-13 09:42:10

He can go three weeks or more without a bath shock shock shock

Notafoodbabyanymore Mon 14-Oct-13 10:02:52

I have to shower every night before bed. Can't go to bed dirty. OP, I reckon YANBU, it would annoy me if I was keeping myself clean and fragrant for DH and he couldn't be bothered to return the favour.

BerstieSpotts Mon 14-Oct-13 10:05:25

You put moisturiser on when you're wet? Does that work and it doesn't go all sludgy and slimy? That could be something for me to add, then.

I'm sorry these questions seem basic blush I am quite young <clings to straws> and for some reason that I can't pin down I am just really generally crap at knowing what normal social conventions actually are.

When I lived at home we would all have a bath about once a week and hair wash in the bath, we didn't have a shower, we'd have a standing-up wash of armpits at the sink, but that was it sad

BTW, hair does not wash itself. DS is a demon for having his hair washed and sometimes we leave it or just do it with water. Because he's running around playing etc it starts to smell after a while and you just have to grit your teeth and do it amidst the screams.

DuckToWater Mon 14-Oct-13 10:11:43

I think every other day is fine, I shower daily but miss out the odd day. Leaving it three days with no other form of washing is a bit minging though. Also I wouldn't have sex with DH had he not showered that day at least.

I cannot and will not ever believe that is easier or nicer to scrub your fanny with a flannel at the sink than just jump in the shower

TheCrumpetQueen Mon 14-Oct-13 10:31:06

My partner over washes. He used to have two baths a day before he lived with me.

He has a long shower before going to the gym which puzzles me and then a bath after. His baths always end with a 10 minute shower which pisses me off, the water bill is high.

IloveJudgeJudy Mon 14-Oct-13 10:44:34

We've just been sent a letter from our water company informing us we are compulsorily being installed with water meters in our area, so TheCrumpetQueen, your bills would definitely be sky-high.

We're going to have to shorten the lengths of our showers. None of us has baths, anyway. We all can't be bothered, but we do all have at least one shower per day. On the odd occasion as I have long hair, I don't wash it, but that is very unusual.

SaucyJack Mon 14-Oct-13 10:52:55

I'm 32 and I've still never lived anywhere with a shower.

Feel like a right pauper now.

SignoraStronza Mon 14-Oct-13 10:54:39

Yanbu. We only have one bathroom in this house so mornings are often manic. Even so, dh manages a shower at work. I'd go as far as asking what the point of showers in the evening are - surely after a night of sweating and rolling around in bed you'd need one in the morning before inflicting yourself on other people.

Bumblequeen Mon 14-Oct-13 11:04:53

I cannot understand why anyone would choose not to shower/bath daily when they have access to soap and water.

I agree that people who smell do not realise it just as people whose homes smell become immune to it.

I sit next to commuters who smell as though they wake up and put their clothes on without washing. There is a distinct difference in smell of someone who bathes daily and someone who does not.

Dawndonnaagain Mon 14-Oct-13 11:08:58

Nancy66 I don't smell. It's not a case of I can't smell it on me, nobody can. It's not there and yes I've checked with other people that I don't.

My dh doesn't smell either, he has a bath once a week, sometimes less than that, I wash him every day, twice a day, but getting him in and out of the bath on my own is not very easy. It takes nearly three hours to have a bath.

Bowlersarm Mon 14-Oct-13 11:10:36

YABU.

harticus Mon 14-Oct-13 11:14:23

YANBU OP - you need to nip this in the bud!
Never understood this "washing is bourgeois" crap.
I have a couple of posh arty friends who are shower dodgers.
I think they have grown so accustomed to their own stench they don't realise how awful they smell.
They always have that stale post coital whiff about them.
Vile.

Um, he doesn't smell and the OP doesn't find it disgusting. The only problem seems to be that it winds her up.

In which case the problem is the OP's and she needs to find a way of dealing with it herself rather than expecting her DH to change.

Madlizzy Mon 14-Oct-13 11:27:11

I don't shower every day and I can assure you that I don't smell. if I did shower more, my skin would be dry as fuck. I only wash my hair twice a week too. I'm not dirty in the least.

BurberryQ Mon 14-Oct-13 11:27:33

I do not bathe that often and i do not have a 'stench' or 'smell awful' - this obsession with showering everyday is so lower middle class grin

Awomansworth Mon 14-Oct-13 11:28:40

I shower once a day, with an occasional bath in the evening. DH showers twice a day. DC get a bath daily too, but we are gradually intruding them to a shower instead.

I just feel right if I don't shower, it's part of my morning routine.

KellyElly Mon 14-Oct-13 11:29:56

Humans sweat, whether they smell or not there is a build up of bacteria on their bodies if they don't wash for days. It's unhygienic.

NoisyBrain Mon 14-Oct-13 11:35:08

I am SO going to show my dp this thread!
Before we lived together I have a feeling his showers were rather, er, infrequent. I remember once when I was at his place his ds expressed surprise that his dad was getting in the shower, which suggested it wasn't something he did often on his access weekends!

For me it's a sign of respect for your partner to make some effort with basic hygiene. DP and I debated this many times when we first moved in together. I didn't think showering every other day was an unreasonable request, he was more of the every 3-4 days mentality, out of pure laziness I suspect. I don't want to share a bed with someone who hasn't washed for 4 days let alone shag them, so he does (mostly) manage the every other day thing now.

I don't wash my hair every day but always have at least a quick freshen up of the 'important' bits. It makes me feel human, especially important with a 6-week old baby!

KirjavaTheCorpse Mon 14-Oct-13 11:36:57

DS is three and shampoo has never touched his scalp. His hair is beautiful, soft and shiny and in lovely curls. He gets a water rinse once a week and I brush it using a boar brush every day.

And it smells lovely as well. <shrug>

Jan49 Mon 14-Oct-13 11:39:37

The people who say it's so much easier to jump in the shower than wash a few bits with a flannel must have really efficient showers. I can wash a few bits in a few minutes, but a shower plus drying plus body lotion all over (otherwise my skin itches) plus clearing up the bathroom takes about half an hour. It most definitely isn't easier.

Nancy66 Mon 14-Oct-13 11:48:42

Flannels are so unhygienic. yuk yuk yuk

WallyBantersJunkBox Mon 14-Oct-13 11:52:28

feet, face and fanny - hopefully not in that order? grin

Andro Mon 14-Oct-13 11:53:33

He can go three weeks or more without a bath

Boak!

Once/twice daily showers here for all.

PedlarsSpanner Mon 14-Oct-13 11:59:09

two words

poo crumbs

bleurgh

Threalamandaclarke Mon 14-Oct-13 12:13:18

Strip washing at the sink takes significantly less time than even a quick shower. Partly because of the drying/ moisturising time.
Hair washing is great. But drying/ straightening is a phenomenal chore. Your hair definitely does not lean itself.
That said, I do shower daily. As does dh.
dcs get bathed every evening together as part of their bedtime routine.
I sometimes wonder if I am bathing them too much but it's the easiest way to wash them, ESP. dS's fingernails. He plays in the bath for 10 minutes and they're sparkling clean.

I believe it must be easier for a woman to achieve a decent intimate clean with a strip wash than a man.....?
Flannels are washed frequently.

Threalamandaclarke Mon 14-Oct-13 12:15:00

OP, hopefully your DP showers before sex. grin

Mojavewonderer Mon 14-Oct-13 14:14:01

Eww my husband is the same op and I hate it! He doesn't smell at all but I think its bleugh. I shower or bathe every day, I love being all lovely and clean. I find it weird he doesn't.

bumpandkind Mon 14-Oct-13 15:13:39

Glad most of you are with me on this one! Having read all your comments I do feel its a respect issue with me. And to further disgust a few posters - no he does not shower before or after sex!!!

KellyElly Mon 14-Oct-13 15:32:23

And to further disgust a few posters - no he does not shower before or after sex!!! I really hope he washes his penis otherwise if I were you OP I wouldn't be having sex with him. You can get infections from dirty todgers!!

Amibambini Mon 14-Oct-13 15:37:41

My partner and I live on a boat and our water comes from an 1800L tank. To save frequent trips to the water point (a half day job), we have become a lot more mindful of our water usage. We now probably wash every second (sometimes third) day, unless of course we are doing really mucky, sweaty stuff. I used to be someone who couldn't really wake up without a shower and would feel kinda gross without my daily one, but now it doesn't bother me at all. It's interesting how you adapt to changed situations.

I think if your body, hair and skin is repeatedly washed with soap and water, it works harder to produce more oils to keep everything supple and protected, get oilier, need more showers etc. Stop stripping it so much, body adjusts over time. I have definitely noticed my hair and skin is less dry and in better condition since reducing the washing.

We don't smell on day two, if anything we just don't smell of soap, I guess on day two we smell like a human? We also spend a lot of time with other boat dwellers who are also pretty similar in their approach to water, and they all smell pretty normal too. Although now we are all starting to smell like woodsmoke as the burners come on!

And this is not all us boaties just being crusty hippies who love our own fart and BO stink, I also spend time with non-boat dwellers and apart from the woodsmoke there is no difference in smell. And believe me, my pregnant super nose is picking up everything, there are some serious non-clothes washers getting around out there which have been regularly gagging me out on public transport!

ClockWatchingLady Mon 14-Oct-13 15:53:57

Oh, bumpandkind, I'm so grateful to you for asking this! Are you me? DP and I have exactly the same interaction (even down to the reasons he gives).

I have (very) recently worked out how to deal with this in a way which so far appears to work (to some extent). Very simply, sex occurs only if he's showered. This has dramatically increased his showering frequency. So as not to sound antagonistic, I DON'T say anything along the lines of "don't fancy you much when you smell like that"). I instead phase it thus: "oh DP, I love the smell of you/fancy you so much when you've just got out the shower" [initiates sex]. After all, I genuinely find that I can smell some kind of lovely pheremoney smell when it's not masked by BO.

Branleuse Mon 14-Oct-13 16:02:26

i bath every other day usually, sometimes less if im too overloaded, sometimes more if ive been to the gym or feel grimey.

Ive never had anyone recoil in horror about my smell, and i keep the bits that matter clean.

I dont think its really anyone elses business. Im not a naturally sweaty or smelly person, and tbh, i dont really want anyone to come near me anyway

People who wash every day have to wash every day because their bodies learn to replenish the skin-protecting oils (etc) faster. So it's likely that if one of you "at least once a day" showerers went a day without, you would look greasier and feel smellier than the average body.

I didn't live in a house with a shower until I was 15; it's still perfectly normal to live in a house with only a bath. Running a full and hot enough bath every day is hugely time consuming and profligate compared to a two-minute nip into a decent standalone shower.

I think the modern habit of wearing clean clothes head to toe every day has made more difference to how much people smell than how often they wash - a clean body in yesterday's clothes smells worse than a yesterday's body in a totally clean outfit.

But this isn't about how dirty the DH is or how often he showers, it's about the incompatibility between him and OP. They are arguing from different philosophical positions, rather than saying "I feel more turned on by you when you've just had a shower" against "I am worried about our gas/water bill".

bumpandkind Mon 14-Oct-13 16:17:41

Clockwatchinglady I'm going to give your suggestions a go! I think the possibility of sex not being available unless clean will have him hot footing it to the shower!

fluffyraggies England Mon 14-Oct-13 16:26:04

horry - think you may be right! I used to be an everyday showerer (for literally all my adult life) and daily hair washer. My hair was always greasy and lank by day 2 and needed washing again. But - 3 or 4 months ago i suffered from dreadful early pregnancy fatigue plus a bit of depression and it stopped me showering daily; I just didn't have the energy or the inclination, and guess what? I didn't smell and my hair looked bloody great! grin

Since that discovery i've been washing my hair every 4 days'ish and i'm showering every other day'ish. My hair is looking the best it ever has, and i'm still not smelly. (I'm not a 'sweaty' person, and if i'm going to have sex with DH i will jump in the shower with a shower cap on)

DH is a different kettle of fish ... he needs a shower if he's been at work as he gets cement'y, but he's rarely BO smelling. I actually LOVE the smell of him when he is a bit whiffy blush Makes me come over all animal and want to drag him to bed grinwink

Andro Mon 14-Oct-13 17:12:49

no he does not shower before or after sex!!!

Cottage cheese anyone? ICK!

I hope he doesn't dare suggest you perform oral sex on him, that would be beyond gross <vom>

chrome100 Mon 14-Oct-13 17:19:52

I can only think that all those who do not shower every day must lead very sedentary lives. Even cycling the ten mins to work makes me whiff a bit, never mind being at work which, even being a desk job, still involves me using stairs, rushing from one room to another. How can you possibly NOT need to wash at the end of the day?

eurochick Mon 14-Oct-13 17:21:47

See, in the 80s, many people didn't shower every day and I didn't think they smelled, but that is because I lived with a heavy smoker. Now I am rarely around smoke, I have the sense of smell of a bloodhound and can definitely notice if someone isn't bathing regularly. One of my work colleagues could definitely do with more showers! And Dublin taxi drivers (sorry, Irish posters but I have only ever noticed this in Dublin) - the majority honks! It's a greasy hair smell. Holding your breath all the way from the airport to the city centre is no mean feat...

TrueStory Mon 14-Oct-13 17:24:04

I am not sure what the OP finds disgusting though. DP doesn't smell bad she admits, so whats the problem? Just the "idea" of not having a shower every day hmm?. I agree it is a middle-class obsession, and a stupid one at that.

Ffs I don't shower daily and I don't smell either

Don't ask me how i know or any of that bollocks I just fucking don't and I also don't like the accusation that I do by a bunch of people on the internet who I have never met
Thank

PavlovtheCat Mon 14-Oct-13 17:58:39

wally a delayed response as I just got home from work. I guess it must be grin I looked at that word, and looked and could not work out why it didn't look right grin

MissFenella Mon 14-Oct-13 18:01:06

Not sure why being clean is thought to be a MC trait on here? It was the working man who bathed more regularly as they needed it.

My dad has bathed everyday for the last 64 years, because he needed to at first and now it's a habit. He also uses half a bar of soap, because he hasn't realised he is no longer scrubbing off coal dust.

We all followed suit on regular washing because it was the household norm.

We also had an outside loo until 1987.

pigletmania Mon 14-Oct-13 18:05:52

I don't shower every day, but wash my face and Fanjo. I have eczema and it dries my skin

LaQueenForADay Mon 14-Oct-13 18:21:34

Oh, gross...just ick confused

Both DH and I shower every day, and I really believe it to be necessary. Because whilst you might not actively smell bad if you only shower/bath 2-3 times per week, you certainly won't smell fresh.

In the early 80s, I had a bath once a week and washed in the sink on the other days in the evenings. I washed my hair once a week, as I still do. I am reminded what a hassle washing in the sink is on the (rare) occasions I still do it. We weren't poor.

These days I cycle to work, and shower and change into my work clothes when I arrive. When I go home I change back into my "home" clothes, which I will normally not change for the entire week. I don't use deodorant. I'm sure I must stink, but no one's complaining so I don't care.

Hopefully Mon 14-Oct-13 18:23:57

DH showers most days, but he can happily skip a day or even two and he literally smells shower fresh. It is weird. Some people are definitely less smelly than others. If I skip one day I definitely have more of an aroma!

Mia4 Mon 14-Oct-13 18:24:26

I had an ex like that- he didn't smell but he did have, to borrow a phase, knob cheese. He was fine the day after a shower but after that sex wasn't an option.

I don't wash my hair as much-the more I was the quicker it becomes greasy.

It all boils down to yiu and your dp talking- what is it that winds you up so.much if he smells fine? Is there poor hygiene in other places? Or do you just not like it and can't explain?

My dp hates baths; he never thinks a person is clean after and even used the phrase stewing in your own filth

usualsuspect Mon 14-Oct-13 18:26:02

MN is bloody obsessed with showering.

usualsuspect Mon 14-Oct-13 18:27:50

Competitive showering threads are dull as fuck.

PavlovtheCat Mon 14-Oct-13 18:30:24

mia my DH says that, or words to that effect about baths. He will quite happily have a bath to relax in, but always finishes by washing in the shower.

PavlovtheCat Mon 14-Oct-13 18:32:28

usual it requires no brain power but allows us to engage a little in some inane shit. That's why I like it, like watching shit on TV.

It's the MN version of a soap. HAHAHA! geddit?! I just did a joke <laughs at own joke>

LaQueenForADay Mon 14-Oct-13 18:33:40

Everyone is different.

But the way I look at it, I like to feel very confident that I smell fresh. And, the only way I think I can achieve this is to make sure I shower every day.

Because, the bottom line is it is very difficult to detect your own aroma (I find it impossible to smell my own perfume after I've put it on)...you might have a blocked nose...you might be having an especially whiffy day due to work/stress/hormones.

So, I'm just not prepared to chance it and hope/assume I smell fresh. It takes me about 7 minutes to shower and wash my hair..s'easy smile

Some people are mixing up smelling "clean" or "fresh" with smelling of toiletries.

Which is similar to what happens on Febreeze/Air Wick threads.

bumpandkind Mon 14-Oct-13 18:46:37

Since I started this thread a few people have asked about the presence of erm... Knob cheese! I have honestly never seen a speck on him. However Andro, if I'm going down on him I will insist on a pre shower.

Salmotrutta Mon 14-Oct-13 18:48:24

Remember we were going to have a Competitive Showering Gameshow usual and LaQueen - we decided that the last time one of these threads came up last week.

There were going to be rounds like Speed Showering with Gerard Butler...

AllDirections Mon 14-Oct-13 18:50:58

Pavlov grin

PumpkinGuts Mon 14-Oct-13 20:03:41

If he doesn't smell and hasn't got knob cheese I can't see what your problem is?

I would feel gross and be stinky dh would reek

LaQueenForADay Tue 15-Oct-13 11:40:56

Sal yes, yes...I had forgotten, dammit [reaches for phone, to call Gerard Butler's agent...]

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