...to take time off work because of a bad ultrasound result?

(40 Posts)
Nessalina Sun 13-Oct-13 23:47:07

So, let me start by saying, I am almost never off work, I'd say I've had 2 sick days in the last 3-4years.
We went on Friday for the 12 week scan for our first pregnancy, and unfortunately it looks like there's something very wrong. Baby has 9.3 NT and fluid in the chest. Doctor said that they don't see many babies with this sort of thing go to term sad We're back in tomorrow for tests to find out more.
Have spent most of the weekend in a daze, doing too much thinking and a lot of crying. Told my boss on Friday what had happened, as I was due in Saturday and wouldn't have been able to work, and I'd also need Monday off for tests. Which was fine.
The issue is, I don't see how I can go back to work on Tuesday. I'm an absolute mess right now, and I don't work in a job where I can just hide, I'm a manager and I'm in contact with staff and customers all day. My staff know I'm pregnant and I just can't face them not knowing what the hell is going on yet. The thought of going in and being normal just feels beyond me right now.
I want to sign myself off for the week, and take some time to get myself together, but I feel bad about my team managing without me, and it feels self indulgent, even though it feels like the right thing...
Sorry for the essay, just wanted to get some second opinions.

5madthings Sun 13-Oct-13 23:49:41

Yanbu at all.

Nothing more to it, you need time to deal with this news and to look after yourself.

I am sorry you are dealing with this and hope you get more positive news on Monday xxx

Tweasels Sun 13-Oct-13 23:51:20

Take the time off. They'll understand I'm sure and quite frankly fuck them if they don't.

flowers hope your further tests are more positive xx

Coupon Sun 13-Oct-13 23:51:36

YANBU. Sorry to hear what you're going through.

thebody Sun 13-Oct-13 23:52:46

so sorry op how bloody awful for you.

I can't imagine anyone at work expecting you to turn up until things are straighter for you.

of course you must take time off. anyone would.

Madmum24 Sun 13-Oct-13 23:53:30

Take whatever time you need. I have been there, I know what you are going through x

Sparklingbrook Sun 13-Oct-13 23:53:41

Absolutely NBU.

When you have found out more and can think straight, talk to work then, you have to prioritise yourself right now.

Hope the news is better tomorrow. x

Lweji Sun 13-Oct-13 23:53:53

So, so sorry. sad Do take care of yourself.

I'm sure your team will be the first to tell you to stay at home.

Mogz Sun 13-Oct-13 23:55:01

Yanbu, get your doctor to sign you off for a bit so you can collect yourself if that is what you feel you need. Your employer cannot legally pull you up because of pregnancy related absence. thanks

ZombieMonkeyButler Sun 13-Oct-13 23:57:19

Oh dear, I'm so sorry you're going through this sad.

YADNBU to need some time off. If this is a problem for your employer then I am sure your GP will be happy to provide a sick note, given the circumstances.

I also hope you have some more positive news tomorrow. They do make mistakes sometimes.

Morloth Mon 14-Oct-13 00:03:57

Take the time. No question. You would insist one of your team did I assume.

Be kind to yourselves.

Sorry to hear your news.

Nessalina Mon 14-Oct-13 00:04:10

Thanks so much all, I've been spending a lot of time in my head and I'd quite convinced myself that I was being a bit ridiculous to take time off. It's such a relief to hear that I'd be perfectly normal to do so.
I was worried that it'd not look good on my record, but good to know that if it's pregnancy related then it's different.
I think I'll ring HR direct tomorrow and let them know. My boss is on holiday herself and I'd rather not have to explain myself to someone just stepping in hmm

Nessalina Mon 14-Oct-13 00:05:19

That's a bloody good point actually, there's no way if expect someone on my team to come in if they were going through this.

closingeveryhour Mon 14-Oct-13 00:07:31

So so sorry OP. Of course you must stay off. Thinking of you xx

PistachioTruffle Mon 14-Oct-13 00:10:47

Yanbu flowers

PerpendicularVince Mon 14-Oct-13 00:10:50

Of course stay off; I really hope tomorrow bringd good news x

TweaksCrunchyCarrot Mon 14-Oct-13 00:26:46

I took a week in the same circumstances. Totally necessary. Be kind to yourself.x

RedorBlack Mon 14-Oct-13 05:12:35

Oh Op, I am so so sorry. YANBU at all, this isn't self indulgent at all, this is you doing what you need to do for yourself. Perfectly acceptable & understandable. Please take care of yourself

mrsjay Mon 14-Oct-13 09:06:15

your work wouldn't expect you in take some time off sorry you are going through this flowers

DontAskIDontKnow Mon 14-Oct-13 10:34:22

YANBU. It is a truly shit thing to go through. I found going to work easier, but I sit in front of a computer all day and no one there knew I was pregnant, so no chance of badly timed questions.

Make sure you give yourself time to get your head round the situation. Sometimes if things move too quickly it can be more traumatic.

There are other boards on mumsnet etc for support. If you search for antenatal tests you should find them.

Tailtwister Mon 14-Oct-13 10:39:50

I'm so very sorry.

I'm a line manager and I would expect someone in my team to take time off under similar circumstances. Of course everyone is different and if someone wanted to be at work I wouldn't stop them, but YANBU to take time off if that's what you feel best.

OneUp Mon 14-Oct-13 10:46:30

Honestly take time off

thistlelicker Mon 14-Oct-13 10:48:00

Take as much time as u feel u need! Your bound to be experiencing so many emotions right now and u don't need to justify them to anybody!thanks

iloveny001 Mon 14-Oct-13 10:48:09

Absolutely take the time off.

Shellywelly1973 Mon 14-Oct-13 10:51:38

Im so sorry...

Take care if yourself. Put yourself first, work can wait.

Wishing you the very best of luck with the tests today. X

Runwayqueen Mon 14-Oct-13 10:51:54

Please take off as much time as you need. I've had a scan that didn't show what we expected and immediately I took the time I needed.

Be kind to yourself opthanks

SHarri13 Mon 14-Oct-13 10:53:37

Not unreasonable at all, I'm really sorry to hear things are so unsure with your pregnancy at the moment.

DeWe Mon 14-Oct-13 11:29:50

Hope it turns out better than expected.

When we found something wrong on the u/s (missing hand so nothing like as bad) dh's work told him to come in when he could manage to. He's expected to be back at work by 11:00 (8:30 appointment) for a meeting and totally missed it and hadn't thought of phoning either so he was AWOL.

He did go back in that afternoon, because he's the sort of person who is better busy, but did have the next day off to support me, and further days to go for consultant appointments. I think they even paid him full not sickpay too (though I might be wrong there). I wouldnt' have been up to going back for at least a fortnight though.

Lilicat1013 Mon 14-Oct-13 12:04:15

Take as much time as you need, someone would need a heart of stone not to understand that. You could ask your doctor if you could be signed off.

I hope today's tests bring better news.

SaggyIsHavingAPinkKitten Mon 14-Oct-13 12:52:08

I've been here recently. You need to do what's best for you. I went to work, but found that being around strangers kept me out of my head and away from Google. But I work alone, and being with loads of people who knew I was Pg would have been different. I know that those were the longest days I've ever lived through so being busy did help.
I really hope that you get some better news from the next tests. I can thoroughly second the recommendation to check out the "Antenatal tests/choices" section here. Its at the top of the topics list under "Being a parent".
The amazing posters there have helped me keep it together, that's a fact!
Anyway, fingers crossed and holding your hand. Lots of love to you both. xxx

I have been where you are. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

You need to take the time off. People WILL manage without you, even if you did go in, your mind would not be on the job.

I hope you get better news today.

I had 2 weeks off after a bad scan. Be kind to yourself. Hope it works out. My bad scan is now 11. Everything crossed for you.

Mojavewonderer Mon 14-Oct-13 14:22:32

You are only human. Be kind to yourself. Hope all is well op.

phantomnamechanger Mon 14-Oct-13 14:29:19

Please do not worry in the slightest about taking time off work. They know your excellent record, they know this is a very difficult time for you.

Have also been where you are - though ours was bad blood test results, I totally get the shock and the unrealness of knowing you are pg but not knowing what is going on with the baby and being worried sick and feeling helpless.

DHs boss also told HIM to take off as much time as he needed to look after me and to attend appointments locally and in London. Could your DP manage to get some time off?

(hugs)

Sallykitten Mon 14-Oct-13 14:39:00

For fucks sake take as much time as you need off. Anyone who would object to that would have to be a monster.

Nessalina Mon 14-Oct-13 17:30:16

Decision made! Called HR and self-certified for the week. Feel massive relief.
Just went for second scan, which didn't have any better news but I feel kind of better for having more information. Basically baby has 70-80% chance of having a chromosome disorder, but due to awkward placenta placement couldn't do CVS today, so waiting another week to try again. Consultant at this stage says baby has 5% chance of continuing to term and being healthy. Which I know is crap, but 5/100 times it happens, so focusing on that right now.
Thanks for all your kind words smile xx

phantomnamechanger Mon 14-Oct-13 17:33:13

Absolutely the right decision, now you don't have to worry about work at all.

All the best, whatever happens you will find heaps of support here. Keep us posted.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Mon 14-Oct-13 17:35:55

Glad you have taken time off work, hoping for positive news for you.

Chottie Mon 14-Oct-13 18:15:10

So glad you have taken a week off. I hope all works out for you

catgirl1976 Mon 14-Oct-13 18:17:43

Oh I am so sorry you have had this news

YANBU at all.

I work in HR and would be giving you compassionate leave without a seconds hesitation

You take all the time you need. If they are even vaguely human your colleagues will understand.

You just need to look after you at this time, not be worrying about your work thanks

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