To refuse to host Xmas dinner for 16 when I will be 40wks pregnant?

(139 Posts)
pinkjumper1 Sun 13-Oct-13 18:45:54

I discovered today that all the in-laws were planning to come to us for Xmas dinner. DH is horrified that I said no. I had invited my dad, sister and her boyfriend (a chef!) as we will need someone to look after DCs if the baby is born that day but I don't think I'll be up to entertaining a huge crowd. Am I just being hormonal or is this not a good idea when I'll either have a newborn or be due to give birth? I do like hosting big Christmas dinners normally. Any other year...

Strumpetron Sun 13-Oct-13 18:46:58

You aren't unreasonable at all!!

Bloody hell I couldn't cope with that and I'm not pregnant

They should be looking after you.

Get a ready cooked chicken, put your feet up and eat toblerone.

I think this may be the least unreasonable Aibu I've ever read. Your dh must be bonkers if he thinks this is a good idea. Unless he is going to organise a rota so that all you have to do all day is slob on the sofa I think he needs to rethink Christmas Day pretty quickly.

AnyFucker Sun 13-Oct-13 18:49:18

Is this a joke thread ?

OwlinaTree Sun 13-Oct-13 18:49:25

hosting 16!!!!!

i don't even have 16 plates let alone 16 chairs!!

YANBU!!!!

CeliaLytton Sun 13-Oct-13 18:50:11

YANBU because a 40 week pregnant woman can make any decision she wants and woe betide those who go against her grin

However I can understand why they thought it would not be a problem if you have invited people from your side, especially someone who is not technically family. Maybe they thought more hands make light work and that you were up for entertaining as you had invited people anyway?

Good luck!

dementedma Sun 13-Oct-13 18:50:29

Seriously? You are being very reasonable not to string your dh up by the nuts for even suggesting it and your in laws sounds like insensitive twats. I was 36 weeks pg with Ds one Christmas and didn't do anything other than sit around and eat my body weight in chocolate!

hiddenhome Sun 13-Oct-13 18:50:48

Erm, I would tell him you'll be leaving them all to it and you'll be spending the day in bed eating chocolate and watching tv if you haven't already had the nipper. If you have had him/her, then there is no way all those people can come around because you'll be wanting to spend time with just your dh and your dcs.

Strumpetron Sun 13-Oct-13 18:51:02

Tis the season for nut crackers..

BasilBabyEater Sun 13-Oct-13 18:51:55

Sounds like they think your sister's boyf - the chef- is going to do the dinner.

Have you told him he is? grin

Beamur Sun 13-Oct-13 18:52:25

YANBU. But from your DH's POV you have invited your family, so why not his?

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 13-Oct-13 18:55:42

Has he had a nasty bump on the head?

BasilBabyEater Sun 13-Oct-13 18:56:27

Why can't your DH cook the dinner if he wants 16 people to come?

Strumpetron Sun 13-Oct-13 18:56:44

Has he had a nasty bump on the head?

I suspect he'll have one soon.

wink

kelda Sun 13-Oct-13 18:58:26

YANBU. It's also a big risk - if you are expected to host everyone and you go into labour that day or the day before, the Christmas plans will be ruined.

nennypops Sun 13-Oct-13 19:00:32

Tell DH that's fine, but he will be totally in charge of getting the house ready, cooking, washing up, laying the table, and entertaining all the guests, because you intend to do nothing other than sitting around being pregnant or looking after the baby. Also remind him he will need to plan for what happens if you are in labour. Then ask him whether he's still keen on 16 people schlepping round.

comingalongnicely Sun 13-Oct-13 19:00:33

I'm sure you'd have a lovely day with your feet up while DH cooks the dinner. Luckily if he gets stuck or needs help his parents will be there!

If he can't/won't then why not? Plenty of time to "train" him...

thursdaysgirls Sun 13-Oct-13 19:01:16

Let them come round. Then, if you're still pregnant, fake your waters breaking (see Modern Family for a brilliant example of this) at around 10am. Dash to hospital and spend a few hours there. Leaving them with no hosts and no food.

That'll learn 'em.

YADNBU.

sarascompact Sun 13-Oct-13 19:01:47

Tell him it's a wonderful idea but that you're a little concerned as to how he's going to manage to prepare and cook dinner, serve, entertain, wash up, prepare and serve high tea for 16 and look after the children at the same time.

Because you won't be lifting a finger, will you? * gives the OP a hard stare *

specialsubject Sun 13-Oct-13 19:03:06

as this isn't the first one, how come your husband doesn't realise that you will either be very tired, in labour or with a newborn on that day, and none of these are compatible with dinner for 16?

hope the cluelessness isn't hereditary!

Maria33 Sun 13-Oct-13 19:03:57

Yanbu

Is he usually like this?

tracypenisbeaker Sun 13-Oct-13 19:05:53

Get some Iceland nasties in the oven and be done with it.

Facebaffle Sun 13-Oct-13 19:06:58

YANBU.

What if your baby arrives early?

missmargot Sun 13-Oct-13 19:08:50

YANBU! I will be 38 weeks pregnant on Christmas Day and my parents are invited because they will do all the work and insist I put my feet up they are great guests. My FIL is not invited as despite being a lovely man he won't even offer to make a cup of tea.

Your husband needs to understand that there are different types of guests and at 40 weeks pregnant you get to invite only the sort that will make your life easier or none at all, entirely your prerogative.

MissStrawberry Sun 13-Oct-13 19:09:02

"hope the cluelessness isn't hereditary!"

Must be as the in-laws seem unaware this is a terrible idea!

trixymalixy Sun 13-Oct-13 19:10:15

YANBU.

I once ended up having 21 for Christmad dinner when I was 36 weeks pregnant. It was my aunt's last Xmas as she had terminal cancer and I had the only house that could host everyone.

I however didn't lift a finger, everyone brought the food and my mum cane and cleaned beforehand, and everyone cleaned up afterwards.

Could that be an option?

LittleMissWise Sun 13-Oct-13 19:10:56

YANBU.

I have given birth twice in December. One of them was Christmas Eve, I didn't anyone in the house apart from DH, DS1, me and newborn DS2.

lifeissweet Sun 13-Oct-13 19:13:34

Does he realise that you are classed as 'full term' from 37 weeks? I haven't made it to 40 weeks with any of my 3. This is madness.

As someone very rightly said above - you will either be about to give birth, in the process of giving birth or have a brand new baby (maybe even still in hospital). To plan anything whatsoever for that time in a pregnancy is lunacy. YANBRemotelyU

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 13-Oct-13 19:15:38

Um, once upon a time I was due to have a baby on 18th January. That Christmas we said we would be spending out last Christmas as a couple on our own. We were actually invited to have Christmas lunch with friends. Christmas Eve was a very uncomfy day and DS arrived at 2.47am on Xmas morning. Funnily enough we had to cancel lunch at the last minute. grin.

YANBU.

BoffinMum Sun 13-Oct-13 19:15:57

He's lost the plot completely - when I was in this position we only had us and DD at home - anyone who visited only came for a cuppa.

BoffinMum Sun 13-Oct-13 19:17:13

Your inlaws are equally bonkers for expecting to come over!

LittleMissWise Sun 13-Oct-13 19:18:54

DS2 was due 12th January but arrived on 24th December, 20 minutes after the first contraction!

MetellaEstMater Sun 13-Oct-13 19:19:11

I've got a similar number here on Christmas Day and will be 39 weeks (or I guess have a newborn, or be out er..giving birth). If home I plan to sit on a sofa with my feet up, let my mum and DH cook, others entertain my two year old and generally cater to my every whim. Can't wait!

BUT had I not wanted this, DH would have planned a quiet day with fewer people, so I think your choice entirely especially under the circumstances! Good luck OP ??

PoppyFleur Sun 13-Oct-13 19:21:22

Men....they really are so special at times.

Unless your in laws have previous form as being wonderfully helpful guests who muck in & help then I would say YANBU.

thistlelicker Sun 13-Oct-13 19:28:34

Never mind dh being a knob but why haven't the in laws said no!!!! Why is it ok I invite your family but not his?

leobear Sun 13-Oct-13 19:29:22

I can trump this. I was forced to have the in-laws on Christmas Day when my newborn was 4 DAYS OLD! and I had a toddler!

Amy106 Sun 13-Oct-13 19:34:38

If you are still pregnant, you will need to be resting.
If you have had your little one, you will need to be recovering.
Either way, you should NOT be cooking Christmas dinner for 16.
You are not unreasonable but the rest of them have lost the plot.

babybarrister Sun 13-Oct-13 19:34:44

Guess it depends how helpful the in-laws are and what their Expectations might be ....

Might be useful if no-one expects anything of you or your DH but comes ready to help out and look after dc

MatryoshkaDoll Sun 13-Oct-13 19:38:17

Your DH and ILs are being selfish, inconsiderate arses.

Unless they're planning on doing all the cooking and organising themselves while you put your feet up then tell them to fuck off.

Bogeyface Sun 13-Oct-13 19:40:20

Has it not occurred to any of them that if they plan to come to you and then you do go into labour they will be stuck at home with no food for the day?

LittleBearPad Sun 13-Oct-13 19:44:07

Well they can come but they get to cook. You don't do anything and (chef) boyfriend is in charge of delegating tasks. You get to eat chocolates and do whatever you feel like, whenever you feel like it.

Alternatively you've had baby and they all get to bugger off elsewhere whilst DH cooks. You get to eat chocolates and do whatever you feel, whenever you feel subject to newborn's demands

Pompomfairy Sun 13-Oct-13 19:44:12

Surely no one would actually ask you to do this at 40 wks?

There's now way my family or my in laws would have expected me to do that when I was about to drop.

Catsize Sun 13-Oct-13 19:48:41

How selfish and, frankly odd, that any of them think this is a good idea. Quite like what sara said, but this still gives him the option of hosting. And you shouldn't be hosting!

Amibambini Sun 13-Oct-13 19:48:45

Whoa, I can't believe anyone in your family is even entertaining the thought! I'm due Jan 5th. We were supposed to host thus year as it was our turn, but the whole family has collectively told us I'm not doing anything this year except accepting more Christmas pudding on the couch. Sorry, don't mean to sound smug there but that's exactly what your extended family should be saying too!

phantomnamechanger Sun 13-Oct-13 19:54:27

YANBU and what on earth are they all thinking of! totally BU to expect you to be doing ANYTHING for anyone else

whattodoo Sun 13-Oct-13 20:01:00

I'd be asking him how he plans to fit everyone in next to your birthing pool (cos you've decided you quite fancy a home birth).

Squitten Sun 13-Oct-13 20:04:58

Good grief no YANBU!

TBH I wouldn't be having any guests whatsoever - you may already have given birth, might be in hospital still. I wouldn't want anyone depending on me to host at such an unknown time!

colleysmill Sun 13-Oct-13 20:09:09

I'll be 30 weeks at crimbo and having 6 adults and 2dc round and I've been asked countless times if ill be ok doing that!

My super organised mum had 16 for Christmas day once - note the once. She never did it again

zatyaballerina Sun 13-Oct-13 20:12:16

God no, who on earth thinks it's acceptable to inflict themselves on people like that??shock

FriskyHenderson Sun 13-Oct-13 20:13:09

I had 3 extras plus me, DH and 3xDC at 39 weeks and did everything with PGP. Despite the crutches and wheelchair and them promising to bring food/help out etc.

I was fuming. And they haven't been invited for Christmas day again unfortunately I'm stuck with DH though

Just say no. Or have lots of twinges.

cupcake78 Sun 13-Oct-13 20:13:15

Goodness me I didn't want to see one person when I was 40 wks. The thought of Christmas and then cooking dinner would have tipped me over the hormonal edge.

Tell your dh to jog on op. What if baby comes Christmas Eve?

Tanbu its a ridiculous idea.

invicta Sun 13-Oct-13 20:13:26

You are not being hormonal. No way will you be able to cater for 6, let alone 16.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Sun 13-Oct-13 20:17:29

Yanbu. No way should you agree to this. It is absolutely fine that you want a quiet christmas with your family.

fuckwittery Sun 13-Oct-13 20:29:42

Mental! i'm 38 weeks had essentially a v easy pregnancy but can barely cook fishfingers for my 2 kids as I am so bloody huge its physically difficult to cook. Let alone a full on xmas dinner for 16! I'm knackered and sleeping v little as so uncomfy, cancelled all social engagements apart from things where i can see how I feel on the day.
IF you have the baby anytime in the week before you could still be in hospital, up to 2 weeks on post section or post stitches you still needing lots of bed rest. You could be with newborn, needing to flop your ginormous achy boobs out for hours at a time as newborn cluster feeds and refuses to be put down. You could be bleeding profusely post birth, and v constipated, requiring entirely private use of a bathroom with no hovering guests waiting outside. Even if still preg and feeling good at 40 weeks, you could of course go into labour at any time and ruin 16 people's xmas lunch! Please show your DH this thread and report back!

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor Sun 13-Oct-13 20:32:37

YANBU

The OP's dad, sister and boyfriend are invited to look after the other dc if she goes into labour.

fuckwittery Sun 13-Oct-13 20:33:40

Sorry, just re read your OP and realised you have DC already. Had assumed your DH must be a clueless first time Dad. Does he not remember the uncertainty of when babies arrive, and seeing you heavily preg/with newborn previously?!

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Sun 13-Oct-13 20:33:52

YANBU! YANBU AT ALL. Good god, are they all on glue?!

BlingBang Sun 13-Oct-13 20:35:16

i knew a lady whose husband invited his family round for a 3 course dinner the day after she came out of hospital after giving birth. She was expected to do the cooking, hosting and washing up. She did. Luckily she came to her senses and divorced him some years later.

OP - tell your husband he is totally in charge this year while you will be resting. Think he might change his mind.

froubylou Sun 13-Oct-13 20:49:34

I will be 40 weeks on 20th December. Tell them all to fuck right off. Unless they are coming as a work party to cook, clean and pander to your every need. And realise you will be receiving visitors by appointment only from your boudoir.

Get yourself a little bell for the day for the side of your bed.

nennypops Sun 13-Oct-13 21:02:49

OP, I assume you've discussed this further with dh by now. What on earth is his justification for being "horrified"?

cees Sun 13-Oct-13 21:05:31

Your dh is being a knob and the inlaws should know better.

YANBU

mameulah Sun 13-Oct-13 21:06:33

YADNBU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If your dh wants to prepare everything and cook so that his family can come along then I suppose he could.

pianodoodle Sun 13-Oct-13 21:14:22

My due date is Christmas Day as well.

I can't believe what's being expected of you!

We've managed to find a couple willing to be on "stand by" to come and stay with DD (2) but I don't think 16 people would be necessary!

16 guests at Christmas would be unnecessary to me though even if I wasn't due to give birth grin

pianodoodle Sun 13-Oct-13 21:17:31

* Even if still preg and feeling good at 40 weeks, you could of course go into labour at any time and ruin 16 people's xmas lunch!*

If it got as far as the 16 people actually coming over for xmas I'd make it my business to ruin their lunch!

dyslexicdespot Sun 13-Oct-13 21:17:41

Please tell us that you are joking, and if you are not- leave your ungrateful ass of a husband and move in with me and my family!

We will take care of you and your children and never ask you to host anything whilst pregnant!

Wibblypiglikesbananas Sun 13-Oct-13 21:22:32

Absolutely agree with Fuckwittery - I'm 37 weeks PG currently and don't do anything I can avoid right now!

Can't believe your DH would even suggest such a thing, and also can't believe that ILs think it's a good plan either. Idiots, the lot of them!

Xmasbaby11 Sun 13-Oct-13 21:23:06

I was due on Xmas day 2 years ago, although DD was 2 weeks late. It was a big deal to even invite my parents over to stay, and they did pretty much everything. I was exhausted, grumpy, and antisocial, and 16 people would have been my idea of hell, even if I didn't have to lift a finger. Are your family in denial that you are pregnant? It's an insane idea and I feel really sorry for you.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Sun 13-Oct-13 21:26:11

Please show your DH this thread OP! #commonsense #themumsnethavespoken

pianodoodle Sun 13-Oct-13 21:27:14

dyslexicdespot can I come too?! Our who-to-call-first list for babysitting if I go into labour is a bit sparse! I can amend it to:

Dad

Cousin

Stranger from the internet

The dog

Satan himself

In-laws

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Sun 13-Oct-13 21:28:16

Oh and congratulations smile thanks

elfycat Sun 13-Oct-13 21:29:18

OK..

Get the 3 most sensible people to bring you Gold and some smelly stuff for the house (LOTS OF GOLD THOUGH). Frankincense is good with orange essence for a Christmassy smell.

Get the kids dressed up as angels.

Put tea towels on various people's heads and send them to the kitchen to do the work. They are not allowed to serve lamb unless the meal has full trimmings and a turkey with full trimmings.

Make the angels go and sing non-stop in the kitchen.

Wear a blue dressing gown and sit serenely. I've never seen a nativity where the mother is doing anything else.

Did I mention that they need to bring you gold? Your DH really needs to pay attention to that bit. Put a teatowel on his head too.

YANBU.

FTRscreamingInTerror Sun 13-Oct-13 21:30:36

When I was pg with DS I was 41+2 on Christmas Day.
I got myself dressed.
I considered this an achievement
YADNBU tell them all to feck off wink

BriocheBriocheBrioche Sun 13-Oct-13 21:30:42

Last Christmas day, at 39+6 I went into labour! YADNBU!

dyslexicdespot Sun 13-Oct-13 21:32:51

Yes piano- you are welcome to come as well. Lets spend New Year's Eve sticking pins into a voodoo doll that looks like the OP's husband! What a poopstain!

mineofuselessinformation Sun 13-Oct-13 21:32:53

YAD, completely, utterly and irrefutably NBU.

Scrounger Sun 13-Oct-13 21:34:05

How many in laws wanted to come over? Is it about 8 / 9? Why do they think this is a good idea? YANBU, I hope those you have invited are going to do all the work.

How did you find out?

Varya Sun 13-Oct-13 21:38:09

YANBU and its their turn to do the hosting. Your darling baby might decide to be your best-ever Christmas gift and arrive when the guests are about to descend. Tell them now that someone else will have to host the family party this year. Emphatically NBU. XXX

ipswichwitch Sun 13-Oct-13 21:40:05

Good lord no! I'm due 14th dec and have plans to do sod all Christmas Day, we're not even going out to inlaws - i have no desire to spend the day in someone else's house, listening to DHs family bickering while I have boobs out trying to establish bf. luckily for me, DH suggested staying at home just the 4 of us an he will be putting the M&S Christmas dinner in the oven.

He would never in a million years presume its ok to have a houseful at a time like that, and I'm astounded they all seem to think its acceptable to turn up expecting dinner too. If your DH has trouble understanding why, point him in the direction of this thread and we'll all be happy to tell him how unreasonable he is!

pianodoodle Sun 13-Oct-13 21:42:07

Yes piano- you are welcome to come as well. Lets spend New Year's Eve sticking pins into a voodoo doll that looks like the OP's husband! What a poopstain

grin Fantastic!

I was a fortnight overdue last time - imagine expecting someone to stand around basting a turkey ffs! At that stage sticking pins in a doll would be much more therapeutic smile

pianodoodle Sun 13-Oct-13 21:42:08

Yes piano- you are welcome to come as well. Lets spend New Year's Eve sticking pins into a voodoo doll that looks like the OP's husband! What a poopstain

grin Fantastic!

I was a fortnight overdue last time - imagine expecting someone to stand around basting a turkey ffs! At that stage sticking pins in a doll would be much more therapeutic smile

Beastofburden Sun 13-Oct-13 21:43:27

Why can't your sis and her bf host Xmas and if you feel up,to it, you can go along?

shock bloody hell! xmas dinner? for 16? whilst heavily pregnant?

and you dh doesnt understand how unreasonable that is?

<baffled> confused

SomethingOnce Sun 13-Oct-13 21:44:48

The only way to make this acceptable is if the lot of them consider themselves the staff.

Would madam care for another roast potato?

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 13-Oct-13 21:45:16

I don't understand this at all. How can people be so stupid? Is there nobody in the mass of in-laws who has thought "hang on a minute, there's a strong chance pinkjumper will actually be giving birth/have a very new baby and if not will be hugely pregnant, why don't we make other arrangements this year?"

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 13-Oct-13 21:50:37

Also, who the hell "plans" to go to someone's house for dinner? Don't you wait to be invited? Or at least ask them?

(actually have just answered my own question, my in-laws have form for this sort of thing. But I mean normal people).

I'm imagining pinkjumper sitting in front of a screen, DH next to her and saying 'Oh! Look. Another person who agrees with me. Yep! There's another. Wait, hang on they seem to be saying... they agree with me Hmmm, no one thinks the way you do, sweetie. Strange, no?'

WahIzzit Sun 13-Oct-13 22:06:08

I reckon (like someone previously suggested), the inlaws must be expecting the chef bf to do the cooking. But inviting themselves round to OP's house in the first place shock the bloody cheek.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 13-Oct-13 22:08:38

beastofburden because the OP wants her Dad, Sis & boyfriend to come to hers for Christmas, less faff, in her own house, more comfortable etc and if she goes into labour they're there for her older DC.

When men give birth, they can choose who they want to be around grin

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 13-Oct-13 22:09:10

I think Pink is in the garden digging up the patio. I would be.

Donkeyok Sun 13-Oct-13 22:14:04

This is one of the Xmas when you don't have to do the in laws.
Every one should be at your beck and call.
I couldn't stand at all for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy.
Let your darling family cook and care for you the in laws can visit at New Year to met the new addition

samu2 Sun 13-Oct-13 22:15:14

I tried to host a meal for 10 at 40 weeks pregnant with my fifth child.

Everyone told me not to but I was determined to do it, everyone said they would host so I can just relax. I have no idea why I was so argumentative about doing it. My husband said we should go elsewhere or he would do it all but I was nesting or something strange hmm

I didn't get far, ended up feeling faint and everyone else did it while I just sat back and relaxed. Everyone all chipped in, it was fun.

I wanted everyone at mine as my labours are an hour long from start to finish so I felt safe having babysitters on hand. She wasn't born until the second week in Jan though.

YANBU. I got as far as washing some veg before my sweet swelled up and I felt faint.

Topseyt Sun 13-Oct-13 22:30:13

You are not at all unreasonable. Dinner for 16 when you are probably struggling to even stand!!!

I remember the year I had my middle daughter on 6th December, meaning that she was almost three weeks old by Christmas Day. I was still good for nothing that Christmas, though we had to put on a show because my eldest was a toddler and very excited. My MIL and FIL came down to us for that day, and along with hubby they cooked the whole dinner (brought most of the food too) and washed up.

AllThatGlistens Sun 13-Oct-13 22:35:15

YANBU!

Is your DH a complete tool? Or just completely not thought this through at all?

No no no no no, it's utter madness, put your foot down (or feet up!) eat cake and rest as much as poss.

LegoCaltrops Sun 13-Oct-13 22:35:48

Point out that you can't wash up, check the oven, stir anything etc, without severe discomfort, so they will have to have someone at your beck & call the whole time. You're hormonal & tired so can't guarantee the quality or indeed, safety of the dinner (will the turkey be properly cooked?) What if you go into labour, someone will have to take you to hospital & take over dinner.

etc, etc, etc.

If all else fails, have some 'twinges' & come over all funny & decide you need a rest.

This is indeed the least unreasonable AIBU I've ever seen.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Sun 13-Oct-13 22:36:47

OP - any update?

enormouse Sun 13-Oct-13 22:40:36

YA definitely, emphatically NBU.
I'll be 36 weeks pregnant come Christmas and can't think of anything worse than cooking and entertaining for family, especially not 16 of them. And I'd be relatively, slightly less likely to give birth than you.
I've actually booked a restaurant for DP, DS and I to eat lunch together on the 23rd, going to friends on 24th, PIL on 25th and 26th and a neighbours on the 27th. I'd ordinarily host on the 26th but DPs mum suggested I didnt.

If I were you, I'd book a lovely hotel and meal for yourself, not too far away from your house, and leave your DH to entertain the masses.

OP ?

Oh dear, I hope she hasn't murdered her DH already !

foreverondiet Sun 13-Oct-13 22:53:11

16 people is a lot, I entertain a lot and wouldn't agree to it, but if your DH is insistent, I would probably agree but send out an email to all the guests explaining that you don't aren't planning to lift a finger and so everyone who comes has a role to play.

Ie everyone has to bring a dish - you can dictate who brings what.
And everyone has to help - responsibility for each course / serve / wash up. This all has to be set out in advance and printed on a sign / sheet on the table, so everyone knows who is doing what. Explain in the email that anyone who can't bring food or help wash up etc isn't invited.

Then you do nothing.....

Lilacroses Sun 13-Oct-13 22:56:27

Sorry, I've committed the terrible crime of not RTFT. But anyway....oh my god, YANBU!!!

mynewpassion Sun 13-Oct-13 23:10:04

Why bother hosting anybody if you will be 40wks? I would've just skipped Christmas dinner altogether this year.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

johnworf Sun 13-Oct-13 23:13:03

At 40 weeks pregnant you should be sat with your feet up enjoying the last few minutes/hours/days of being pregnant not hosting a meal for 16 FFS.

YANBU!!

Worried123456 Sun 13-Oct-13 23:13:54

Has the OP come back?

I just cannot believe that not one of the 16 guests planning to come has not thought that the OP would be aghast at this idea? I am stunned by what possible justification the in laws and DH have for this being acceptable? Have any of them ever seen a heavily pregnant person before? I want to know who invited who? Is there a history of unrealistic expectations?

whatever5 Sun 13-Oct-13 23:20:16

I bet your DH invited them. I can't believe that they would invite themselves under the circumstances.
Considering you are the one who will be 40 weeks pregnant, you should choose who is there on Christmas day. Your DH should have no say in it this year.

MrsMook Sun 13-Oct-13 23:23:48

I had a baby due 21st Dec so we had no idea if I woulf be pregnant, have a baby or be labouring. Our only plan was that our very local friends would bring Christmas Dinner round having cooked it at their house. By Christmas Day, baby was 6 days old having been born by EmCS. I struggled to sit for more than an hour before having to lie down. Sitting for Christmas dinner was energetic enough and the thoughts of stuffed turkeys was doing very strange things to my sense of humour.

A crowd of people? Cooking? No fluffing way!

YANBU

bonkersLFDT20 Sun 13-Oct-13 23:25:17

For me, it wouldn't be the actual meal that would be the problem, it would be the time and thought in the preparation.
I'm sure you're already making contingency plans for your other DCs in case you are not around for the days around Christmas or the day itself. The last thing you need is to have the worry of planning a meal for 16. SIXTEEN.
YANBU

thebody Sun 13-Oct-13 23:28:33

speechless just speechless and that's rare for me.

no no no no no no no.

bunchoffives Sun 13-Oct-13 23:37:18

The worst case scenario would be shop for 16, cook for 16, entertain 16 on Christmas day, clean up after 16, then on Christmas night go into a long labour already exhausted.

Absolute lunacy to even contemplate it. shock

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor Sun 13-Oct-13 23:40:15

OP, are you there? Have you buried his body under the patio yet?

thegoosemama Sun 13-Oct-13 23:41:13

I'll be 39wks+2 on Christmas day and I am not lifting a finger unless it's to help my toddler unwrap and play with his Christmas gifts. My brother is visiting from the states with his wife and 2 daughters. he'll be staying with our other brother 50 miles away and they can all have Xmas there! We'll be having a quiet day with as little fuss as possible. Quite looking forward to it actually smile You are in no way being unreasonable.

Cerisier Sun 13-Oct-13 23:46:57

I hope the OP is getting strength from this unanimous response.

Lweji Sun 13-Oct-13 23:58:17

Tell them it's their decision, but you will sit it out.

ems1910 Mon 14-Oct-13 00:04:10

YANBU but I think this thread has already confirmed that!

As for the people asking why it is okay to have her family there but not his, really? Her dad, sister and her sister's boyfriend are nothing compared to 10 people from his side. It isn't a case of her family coming first, it is a case of OP coming first and being comfortable with her small family there. I would be comfortable with my mum but not MIL being around if I went into labour/was very early stages of feeding/bleeding etc. Surely this is normal?

Have you discussed this further with your H OP? I suggest you lock the doors this year, nobody in and nobody out (except you if you need to go give birth!.

I'm 37w now and not hosting Christmas dinner nor indeed any houseguests.

YADBNU to get everyone else to wait on you!

MistressDeeCee Mon 14-Oct-13 01:11:19

shock 16 guests? & you, OP will be 40 weeks pregnant - or at least, have a newborn by then? Your DH is horrified that you said no? Ive glanced through the thread and am wondering..surely this isnt also a case of being expected to do the cooking & preparation too? Well..I hope someone has a word in his ear before then..I dont know how this can even be under consideration

MummyPig24 Mon 14-Oct-13 06:14:11

No way, you are definitely not bu!

I will be 30 weeks pregnant at Christmas, we don't host Christmas, instead we spend the day travelling and visiting. I'm refusing to do that this year. We aren't hosting anything, just having an open house drop in from 4 pm, after we have enjoyed a family Christmas, just the 4 of us.

Seriously, do whatever is easiest for you and your family, don't be pressured!

Yanbu, don't do it!! I did similar but with 4 extra guests with a 4 month old, was a disaster & i was left with all the washing upconfused

GaryBuseysTeeth Mon 14-Oct-13 06:57:04

If it was just his parents and you said no, I woukd say yabu as you're having your family around. 16 hiwevee YANBU.

I had ds1 a few days before christmas, pil, sil&bil were down on Christmas Day & they cooked. I had a rubbish birth and could barely remember my name let alone how to cook a turkey.

ZillionChocolate Mon 14-Oct-13 07:10:45

YANBU

I'd imagine having that many people in your house is probably quite hard work, even if someone else is shopping/cleaning/clearing up.

BoffinMum Mon 14-Oct-13 07:49:03

There's definitely a case for some twinges here, even while you announcing that 16 people is not an option.

(Hope the OP hasn't gone into labour early at the thought of all this!)

jegandmany Mon 14-Oct-13 14:16:39

You know who I am! Of course that can't happen! I wonder whether dad sister and boyfriend need to be uninvited though? Seems fairer to me. Cd easily do Xmas dinner at dad's house? Then you cd either stay at home or even pop round for xmas dinner. DH m's forgotten the newborn stage completely hasn't he. You could then have everyone round for an hour only for mince pies later on if you want the whole hoard together. But you'd need to get dad tee'd up to chuck everyone out promptly.
If you need to outsource your assertiveness I am at your service. I have many years experience wink .

sparkle12mar08 Mon 14-Oct-13 14:32:15

Hell to the fucking NO! That would not be happening in my lifetime, I tell you! In all seriousness you need to sit down and have another chat with your dh - you have to hammer home very clearly just how ludicrous an idea this is. You have to make him, and them, understand.

grimbletart Mon 14-Oct-13 15:54:59

I am just visualising the size of your 40-week abdomen, the weight of a turkey big enough to feed 16 and you trying to lift it out the oven......

What knobs.

Some people have no conception of empathy.

LatteLady Mon 14-Oct-13 16:04:45

Err, well just on the practicalities how on earth are you meant to heft the bird in and out of the oven?

Beastofburden Mon 14-Oct-13 17:03:17

Well, book into a nice restaurant and tell them they are paying, and if you have to cancel on the day you are sure they will understand why....

JenaiMorris Mon 14-Oct-13 17:53:37

My guess is that knowing OP's family are coming, the ILs are feeling left out - or at least OP's husband can't see the difference between her family coming to help and his family being hosted.

MissStrawberry Mon 14-Oct-13 18:00:14

OP, they are clearly coming for the chef BF. You being pregnant is an inconvenience.

Pinupgirl Mon 14-Oct-13 18:07:41

YADNBU op!!-I can easily believe that the inlaws don't see this as a problem-some people are selfish arses.

Some dh's clearly don't have a clue either-on the day I got out of hospital with dc3,dh decided we had to have a bbqhmm He then spent hours building new bbq,leaving me to be responsible for our 3 dcs and brand new baby.

He then buggered off for hours to buy food for said bbq but not before shouting cheerily from the car that inlaws were coming roundangry

I ended up running around entertaining inlaws,bil,sil and 2 dns-while they all sat on their arses,I was serving tea and biscuitsangry-I was 5 days post section!!!!

I have never truly forgiven dh for it.

pigletmania Mon 14-Oct-13 18:09:46

Yanbu tell them it's bring a dish day. Then sit and put your feet up. No bloody way, dh can book a restaurant then!

JenaiMorris Mon 14-Oct-13 18:14:45

Did the ILs invite themselves, or did your dh invite them, OP?

Pinupgirl - thats terrible ! I had a similar experience when DS3 was 3 days old - in laws told us they were coming down (they live 4 hours away) and promptly turned up at 8am Saturday morning, empty handed and sat down while I faffed around making them coffee and morning tea. Then after I made DH get up, they left for an hour, saying they'd be back in an hour for lunch. "Oh good" I thought. "They're going shopping for food." er no, they'd been to visit a friend and arrived back again empty handed (Despite passing 2 supermarkets). Luckily we had food, but me and DH were rushing around making lunch and looking after 2 DC and a 3 day old, and again in laws just sat there, and then I cleared up (again no help) and when i suggested they take 2 older DS to park MIL rolled her eyes, and they got the pip when they came back and I was in bed. They then drove 4 hours home. hmm
But, I think OP's situation is much worse !

Oh and FIL told DH's grandparents I was a 'little tired and tetchy' and 'couldn't believe' I was still in my PJ's. I was angry.

CanucksoontobeinLondon Tue 15-Oct-13 02:16:16

OP, you are not being unreasonable. Stand fast.

As for KiwiMum, your in-laws sound positively murder-able. No jury would convict you!

Ericaequites Tue 15-Oct-13 02:56:29

No is a complete sentence. With a new baby, you need calm.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Tue 15-Oct-13 08:06:01

Jesus! Tell them to fuck off and that you're busy that day. How stupid must someone actually be to think that that could possibly be even slightly a good idea?

bigbrick Tue 15-Oct-13 09:04:27

The guests must do all the shopping, cooking, clearing, all meals and all sorting out at your house. They sort our their beds, bring their bedding & towels or wash everything before going home. You will either be doing nothing or giving birth or already with a newborn. Make it clear that nothing will be ready for them or done. If you have your newborn in your arms you will need quiet and calm and time to recover.

dyslexicdespot Tue 15-Oct-13 09:09:32

The OP has already said no, why should she retract her refusal?

The issue is that her husband is "horrified" because she refused. We should offer her advice on how to slice, dice and dress a grown man, and stuff him in a xmas hamper! I'm sure his family will be delighted.

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