To think I wasn't rude?

(138 Posts)
Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:04:58

I was out with some friends last night and the air con was in full blast, I was freezing so I put my jacket on. 2 of my friends who were a bit tipsy started laughing and said yeah we were wondering when you'd complain of cold (hadn't said anything just put my cost on). 1 said its cus you're a skinny Beatch. So I replied in the same "laughing" manner that neither of you will ever have that problem (and may have uttered fat cows).
Well it all went very quiet and one said well that was really rude! So I said why is it ok for you to comment on my weight but not the other way round?
I have health problems which mean I find it difficult to put weight on these people don't know that and to be honest they've got gorgeous figures and are pretty with the best skin ever to boot.
It's just I'm sick of people taking the piss. I may be thin but sometimes I look gaunt and ugly (actually I usually look like this).
It was then sort of swept over and they seemed ok when we left but wibu to be so rude?
They've all been told how I hate being so thin but they still carry on!

hiddenhome Fri 11-Oct-13 17:10:26

I don't think being thin is really taken seriously because we're all subjected to constant media messages that it's the desirable state. People who aren't thin simply can't comprehend why a thin person would ever complain about their weight because, to the fatter person, the thin person has everything going for them.

They were a bit rude and so were you, but you're both looking at the situation from very different angles and neither really understands how the other feels.

Just forget about it and move on, your friendship is more important.

MsWilliamTheBloody Fri 11-Oct-13 17:11:14

You need new friends. These people are cunts.

And the 'thin' comments are likely to be fuelled entirely by jealousy.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 11-Oct-13 17:18:44

If this happens again, perhaps say 'don't dish it if you can't take it'.

zatyaballerina Fri 11-Oct-13 17:19:14

Your response was justified, they were extremely rude (particularly as you have health issues), you responded with a taste of their own medicine.

Don't tell people how much you hate being thin, that's just putting yourself down and when you do that you show bullies your weakness and make yourself a target. Be proud of yourself and respect yourself as you would a favourite sister or best friend, that means no more horrible comments from yourself and you don't need to tolerate them from other people either.

ConsideringTheFuture Fri 11-Oct-13 17:25:29

'Skinny beatch' is the type of joky comment I would get from my friends (who are both a deal larger than me). Gentle japes about slim people feeling the cold are fairly common. Often borne from good-humoured jealousy.

'Fat cows' is NOT along the same lines. They were a little rude. You were a LOT rude. Incredibly so.

Apologise and hope they'll speak to you again.

Lj8893 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:31:49

I think they were rude and you were rude. But I would have said similar in your situation.

I have a very large chest and people feel the need to comment on it all the time. So why shouldn't I comment on their big bum or big nose?!

DoctorRobert Fri 11-Oct-13 17:34:45

you were rude. if your friends knew about your health issues then I doubt they would joke about you being thin - why don't you tell them?

Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:38:49

To be fair I feel awful, I don't normally say anything back but I think I looked particularly awful yesterday and they hit a raw spot. I would love to be size 12 with boobs n bum instead of a size 8 skinny scarecrow!

KirstyJC Fri 11-Oct-13 17:39:11

I think calling someone a skinny bitch is just as bad as calling someone a fat cow actually, and they started it so tough. If they don't like rude personal comments about their size, they shouldn't go giving them out to others. And they don't need to know about your health problems if ybou don't want them to, they shouldn't have been rude.

YANBU and hopefully they won't do that again.

ConsideringTheFuture Fri 11-Oct-13 17:42:51

Stop the pity party.

You were rude. There is no excuse for replying the way you did.

Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:43:24

DoctorRobert they're part of an extended friendship group we meet up quite often. My closest friends know but I don't like the world and his wife knowing my business so don't really feel the need to share info re my health. Ah well il suck it up and hope we're still friends when next we meet. It's said all the time at work too though, bullied through school and all that crap....wouldn't care I probably ate more than all these people put together!!!

jacks365 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:44:05

I want to know why skinny bitch isn't as bad as fat cow. I have a dd who struggles to put weight and 'jokes' about how skinny she is upsets her.

Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:45:11

Considering the future your right I do enjoy a good pity party! Gets my self righteous blood going!

Whereisegg Fri 11-Oct-13 17:48:16

I'm a size 8.
I don't look like a scarecrow hmm

Look, they said something they clearly thought was funny, it wasn't.
You said something along the same lines back and they got arsey.

If they are aware of your health issues and how you dislike your appearance because of it, then yanbu.

If they aren't, then just explain.

ConsideringTheFuture Fri 11-Oct-13 17:49:18

Jacks - for me (and assumingly the op seeing as she used it) 'beatch' has a very different meaning and is used in a different context to 'bitch'

The difference in how I've heared it used (and used it) being comparible to calling someone a 'silly billy' or a 'stupid cunt'.

ThisIs Fri 11-Oct-13 17:50:18

You were rude but it was justified as they were just as rude first.

I too am very thin (naturally rather than because of health issues) and suffered horrendous bullying when I was younger.

But as this thread shows, people clearly think it is OK to be horrible to people if they are thin whereas it is practically a crime to be rude to someone who is fat.

Whereisegg Fri 11-Oct-13 17:50:20

Xpost op.

As you don't want to explain your health issues then say you were making the point that appearance based 'jokes' are hurtful from both sides maybe.

nicename Fri 11-Oct-13 17:51:45

They started it!

I used to be a wee slip of a girl (pre kids) and people seemed to think that it was perfectly fine to comment (rudely) on my size, ask if I was anorexic or bulimic... I ate like a horse and stayed the same weight until my early 40s (my dad was tall and slim too). Yet somehow you cant turn the tables on them?

I probably wouldn't have called them fat but as someone else said, if they can't take it they shouldn't dish it out.

Etainagain Fri 11-Oct-13 17:53:08

You weren't rude but all. Why do people always think it's okay to make jokes about people being skinny but can't take any comments themselves. I too am skinny and gaunt (as everyone takes great pleasure in telling me). It really hurts my feelings. I would never say to someone 'gosh you're enormously fat. You must never stop eating' but they think it's okay to call me skinny and ask me if I ever eat!

Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:55:15

I've just had a message from one of the saying thin is beautiful big is adorable. Looks like we're still mates then!

jacks365 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:55:38

Considering the future so it's ok to joke about someone who is skinny? It doesn't matter to me which word was used but quite frankky I'd still put cow on the same level as beatch but it is the joking about size its either wrong for both or ok for both.

Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:57:33

And sorry where is egg I didn't mean all size 8s are like scarecrow just that I am

Topseyt Fri 11-Oct-13 17:57:56

I am in the camp that says both sides were being rude.

People's weight can be a sensitive issue, so often best avoided in such circumstances.

I have weight problems. I am overweight due to a medical condition. It has had me underweight at times in the past, but no longer. I don't like the fact that I cannot just be "normal". It just doesn't happen.

You never really know why someone is the way they are unless they divulge the reasons. Best to err on the side of caution IMHO as I know what it is like to be judged.

ThisIs Fri 11-Oct-13 17:58:08

ConsideringTheFuture - so by that reasoning it would have been OK if the OP had said to her friends "You just need the air-con on because you are fat beatches"?

Was it just the word cow you are objecting to?

Mckayz Fri 11-Oct-13 18:00:27

Of course calling somene a skinny 'beatch' is the same as calling someone a fat cow. I can't believe Considering doesn't think it is.

I was very skinny as a child, just naturally as I ate(still do) like a horse but never put anything on. I was bullied horribly at secondary school for being a 'stick', 'twiglet'.

IslaValargeone Fri 11-Oct-13 18:01:53

There was rudeness all round really, however because you used the f word, it will be generally be deemed you were ruder hmm

ConsideringTheFuture Fri 11-Oct-13 18:01:56

I would disagree. What language is used is important in determining the intent behind the comment.

nicename Fri 11-Oct-13 18:02:02

My sister almost died when she was about 15 and as a result of her illness had a hell of a time getting above a size 6 dress size.

She didn't find jokes about her weight all that funny but didn't particularly want to have to go into her medical history with people about how she was in hospital for weeks, was told that she would have died within days if they hadn't diagnosed her problem or have heart problems...

If I saw someone very very slim I'd assume that they were: naturally slim, very sick or anorexic - why would I want to make a joke of it?

runningonwillpower Fri 11-Oct-13 18:03:08

You were all rude.

But in the context of today's unfortunate attitudes, 'skinny beatch' is probably seen as a compliment. 'Fat cow' will never be seen as such.

But now they know you are sensitive about your weight so a lesson learned all round.

Hard reality is that telling someone they look thin can be a complement. Its never a complement to tell someone they look fat. Thin is seen as the ideal state, so people who've never had issues with feeling too thin don't see it as an insult.

You were both rude. Yes they were rude first, but you could have explained why it was rude, rather than being even ruder back.

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 11-Oct-13 18:09:28

Well they'll think twice before commenting on your appearance "jokey" or not.

Fairly sobering for them I imagine.

SJisontheway Fri 11-Oct-13 18:41:18

I know that when my freinds in the past have called me a skinny beatch that it was meant as a compliment. I guess you don't see it this way as you are not happy with your size, but they would not have known that.
I don't think fat cow could ever been interpreted as a compliment.

everlong Fri 11-Oct-13 18:57:33

Tbh no matter what you weigh calling someone a fat cow is rude.

Lilacroses Fri 11-Oct-13 19:06:54

For some reason I think they are right but I do see your point. I suppose the thing is that calling someone skinny is usually a complement but calling someone fat never is. It's still rude of them though.....but rude of you ifyswim!

PaperSeagull Fri 11-Oct-13 19:21:47

Of course you were rude. So were they. I can't believe some people are trying to excuse your rudeness by saying, "They started it." Surely even a 6-year-old child knows that's an erroneous way to justify one's own bad behavior.

BMW6 Fri 11-Oct-13 19:48:57

They didn't refer to you as slim, which I would take as a compliment.
Calling you skinny WAS having a dig IMHO, so you were totally justified in retorting back.
I worked with someone who was ultra slim, and was just as self-conscious about it as anyone obese (ie me).

Size-ism must be a two way street.

BrianTheMole Fri 11-Oct-13 19:57:35

Not sure. Skinny beatch is rude, but seems more like a compliment. Fat cow just seems rude. I've been the skinny beatch and the fat cow. As the skinny beatch I would have taken it more as a compliment. If someone had called me a fat cow when I was a lot bigger, I would have cried.

SeaSickSal Fri 11-Oct-13 20:06:27

You were really rude.

You know as well as I do that being thin is socially acceptable, seen as very positive and that it wasn't meant in a nasty way and was probably a clumsy tipsy badly executed compliment.

Saying they'd never be thin and calling them fat cows could never, ever be seen as being even the most backhanded compliment. It borders on the abusive.

If I saw you speak to anybody like that you would no longer be a friend of mine.

Milkjug Fri 11-Oct-13 20:20:14

First, let me say, I would never comment on anyone's appearance. Nor do I expect anyone to comment on mine.

However, the fact remains that however negative individuals feel about their own thinness, or however much it is a product of a debilitating illness like anorexia, western society currently regards thinness as the ultimate prize. It stands for attractiveness, self-discipline, success. So a comment on someone's thinness can't ever have the same negative heft as a comment on someone's heaviness, which is currently a badge of failure, undesirability, laziness etc etc.

SunshineMMum Fri 11-Oct-13 20:26:30

Totally justified tit for tat.

I think runningonwillpower has it tbh. To be called a ''skinny beatch'' is, imo wrongly, considered a compliment. 'Oh i wish i had your figure you skinny beatch'. Nobody would say the same and say fat cow. Thin is considered accepted and desired and fat is ugly and embarassing.

You were all rude but they 'started it'.

maddening Fri 11-Oct-13 20:35:21

they said what they did in jest - thoughtless yes but likely they don't see negative connotations around the word "skinny" - it is the preferred state of being in today's society - something to be desired etc.

you said what you did out of spite - and fat is something to be hated, ridiculed, it is ugly and people are openly aggressive and nasty to fat people.

they were thoughtless - you were rude and bitchy.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 11-Oct-13 20:38:36

The salient point here though - to me anyway - is this....

They've all been told how I hate being so thin but they still carry on!

It is plain nasty to make a point of saying something like that to you, when they have been told how you hate it. I don't blame you one bit for retaliating in kind.

Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 20:42:51

Agree I was rude. Like u said I've had the text of one of them and I will apologise and probably explain re my health problem just to clear the air. Also can I say again like I explained earlier their figures are gorgeous and they are the most attractive girls in the group. Ah well I'm of to eat cake thank you all for making me see it a different way I do get blinkered and self righteous to my own point of view often.

Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 20:43:15

Like I said (sorry)

You were rude back not first. Please dont feel obliged to apologise unless they apologise to you.

Earthworms Fri 11-Oct-13 21:11:50

Thing is, once you have been teased as a kid for being skinny - and I had bloody years of it despite eating like a horse - it is nigh on impossible to take good natured skinny beatch teasing as light hearted backhanded compliments.

It just digs in the wrong places nd revisits crap memories.

So I totally get the op biting back with Fat Cow. I think I'd have done the same. unfortunately as I get past 40 I seem to have lost my ability to eat everything in sight and remain a stone underweight. Hey-ho that's how it goes I gues.

CrapBag Fri 11-Oct-13 21:21:28

I get where you are coming from OP. I am also called a skinny bitch by my friends (one of which is obese).

I don't know why people think it is acceptable to comment on people being 'skinny' (HATE that term) but not acceptable to comment on being fat.

I have always been thin. Teased at school for it, people thought I was anorexic. Having kids stopped that for a while but now my body has gone back to being thin again and I can't gain anything, despite me eating loads of crap.

I am thin but have curves as well, I thought I was finally happy with my figure, and had left the negativity of school behind, until a recent conversation with a friend (the obese one).

Me and 2 friends talking, obese friend talking about how she wants to lose weight and saying that she wants a figure like our friend. I said what's wrong with mine, in a jokey way, and she just said "oh no, your too skinny". Conversation carries on and my friend who has the figure that obese friend wants wears the same size clothes as me. Not sure what the difference is. confused

Now I am back to being paranoid about being too thin (I am a size 10 with a waist, 34D boobs and a bum that does stick out slightly although I do wish a bit more) whereas before I was quite happy with my figure.

CrapBag Fri 11-Oct-13 21:22:21

"Thing is, once you have been teased as a kid for being skinny - and I had bloody years of it despite eating like a horse - it is nigh on impossible to take good natured skinny beatch teasing as light hearted backhanded compliments.

It just digs in the wrong places nd revisits crap memories."


FrauRumpelpumpel Fri 11-Oct-13 21:25:36

Totally agree with milkjug

You have to think about the intent - no one is intending to be hurtful calling someone skinny, imo, they're just jealous that they themselves are not skinny. Calling someone fat is always intended to be hurtful.

I have never understood skinny people's problem with being skinny. It's what most people want, and as adults you obviously realise that, and NO ONE ever looks at you and judges you as totally unrelated things like 'idle', 'undisciplined', etc etc.

Nusatenggara Fri 11-Oct-13 21:25:57

I hate the terms skinny and thin and think that they are insulting terms whereas slim is complimentary.

As a involuntary 'skinny' person I too get exasperated and upset when people comment on my thinness and if you pull them up on it they pretend it was a compliment. Rubbish it was, you can always tell when someone is paying you a backhanded compliment and when people tell me I need some meat on my bones, ask me if I'm anorexic or accuse me of not eating they are bloody well not paying me a compliment in any language.

How is that any less upsetting that being called a fat cow in anyone's world??? I honestly hate it and find it so upsetting and yet you have to smile and pretend that you don't care?!

Sorry always get to me these particular threads and I'm in my 40's now so should be used to it hmm.

OP I like your friend's text though, she has obviously thought it through and realises that she has hit a raw nerve.

peasandlove Fri 11-Oct-13 21:27:35

I was very thin growing up and I had a friend who'd make comments in such a way they'd never be taken as a compliment "oh you're so thin" (lip curled into a sneer), "look how long your leg is" said in a way to make me feel there was something wrong with that.. etc etc. Both parties were rude, but I agree, society dictates you're allowed to criticize skinnies but never fatties.

FrauRumpelpumpel Fri 11-Oct-13 21:28:04

ok maybe you don't realise that. For me skinny and slim are interchangeable. I am neither, if that isn't obvious.

Nusatenggara Fri 11-Oct-13 21:28:10

FrauRumplepumpel, take it from me it is very upsetting. Most people want to be slim not skinny or thin and that includes me.

They may not look at you and think 'idle' or 'undisciplined' but they will be thinking neurotic, anxious or unhinged - trust me I've had it all said to me over the years and it is horrible sad.

CrapBag Fri 11-Oct-13 21:31:38

Frau so its perfectly acceptable for people to ask you when your legs are going to snap because they are so thin and constantly ask if you have an eating disorder? Or laugh at you if you wear black tights, because they make your legs look even thinner?

No of course, 'skinny' people don't ever have an issue with their weight do they. hmm

FrauRumpelpumpel Fri 11-Oct-13 21:37:37

Ok well I'm sorry you've had that experience but I have never thought those things about people who are naturally very slim, I have just envied them their apparent ability to eat whatever they like with no apparent consequences, while all I have to do is smell a cake and I've gained 3 pounds.

It is ABSOLUTELY not the case that society feels unable to criticise 'fatties'. The whole of western society is currently engaged in fatty-bashing and whilst it's obviously desirable from a health point of view to be slimmer, the level of body shape intolerance is hideous. Even if you have encountered nasty people who will try to undermine your body confidence because they are larger than you, or just plain mean, you surely do accept that being waif-like has been the only 'desirable' shape since the early 90s.

peasandlove Fri 11-Oct-13 21:39:38

I got teased at high school for being skinny.. My best friend was rather fat. We made a good couple, "Oh look here comes fatty and skinny" We'd just tell em to fuck off grin

Nusatenggara Fri 11-Oct-13 21:40:50

I honestly think that is a myth perpetuated by the media if mine and other 'skinny' people's day to day experiences are anything to go by. No-one who has insulted me over the years has ever made me feel in the least bit 'desirable' whether they be male or female.

Slim with boobs is what everyone wants to look like don't they. Skinny and looking like a plank isn't desirable in anyone's book quite frankly.

peasandlove Fri 11-Oct-13 21:43:00

I had the hip bones protruding and everything, even my fat friend would comment about that. It never made me feel good. I was a 6ft scrawny boney gawky teenager.

Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 21:44:27

It's just over the years, they've took the piss but at some point they've all been told I don't like it. I've kept my mouth shut even at a friends wedding when I actually thought I looked good and they verbally pulled apart my clothing, made helpful suggestions eg, buy a padded bra, take of the belt, lessen the blusher on my cheek bones so I don't "accentuate my thinness".
If I eat there are suggestions I'm going to vomit afterwards, if I eat a light meal insinuations that I'm anorexic.
They care for me, they genuinely do, they've supported me through some hard times but the fact they take the piss so much means I don't want to tell them about my health problems. And it isn't just the 2 I called fat cows it's other group members too.

FrauRumpelpumpel Fri 11-Oct-13 21:48:21

By the sounds of it OP you need new friends, not to worry about your figure...

Sister77 Fri 11-Oct-13 21:50:00

Oh and one of the best comments made by one of these 2 girls was your setting a bad example for the girls (we've all got kids) they'll think its ok to diet. Yep cus I want my daughter (or anyone else's) to have an eating disorder.

LittleMissWise Fri 11-Oct-13 21:50:34

I totally get where you are coming from OP.

I am thin, always have been, but my weight dropped to about 7stone 4 a few years back. A larger lady kept telling me to "eat a good meal" or "to put some bloody weight on!" It really, really riled me. I wasn't not eating, I was just not gaining weight.

One day she was doing it, while eating a whole tube of Pringles. I snapped and said to her"if I said stop eating those crisps and lose some bloody weight, you'd think me really rude!" She admitted she would so I told her I found it no less rude that she was forever commenting on my weight.

She never did it again.

MrsDeVere Fri 11-Oct-13 21:50:52

Skinny is to fat as slim is to curvaceous

It is not a nice word and it is not meant as a compliment.

'Hi wow you looking skinny!'
'Hi wow you are looking slim!'

'Blimey look at you rocking that fat'
'Blimey look at you rocking those curves'


Don't call me skinny. However you want to dress it up you are being rude.

I think referring to anyone's weight is pretty rude.

CrapBag Fri 11-Oct-13 21:53:58

Sister sorry but they do not sound like good friends. They sound like utter cows who are putting you down to make themselves feel better. Their comments are terrible.

I'm glad you said what you did. Maybe it will make them shut the hell up. I wouldn't apologise for it either. They bloody well deserved it.

FrauRumpelpumpel Fri 11-Oct-13 22:05:38

I agree referring to people's weight is rude, and I don't do it, whatever their size is, because, actually, it's meaningless, and of course it's cliché, but it's what's inside that matters. How someone behaves (and obviously that includes how they talk to you and make you feel about yourself) is all that matters.

But my experience is of slim people permanently talking about it. As in "ooh I feel really fat today", "I'm trying [insert current fad] diet at the moment", "No I mustn't, I'm watching my weight" and you just can't get away from it.

Nusatenggara Fri 11-Oct-13 22:24:16

Jeez I've never once claimed to have an ounce of fat on me, I'm not anorexic therefore I recognise that I'm too skinny but can't do anything about it as that's not the way I'm made.

MrsDeVere, spot on as ever.

I'm not sure that they are not good friends. I have a dear friend (nearly 30 years of knowing her) and she references my weight every now and then, she calls a spade a spade and upsets me but I know she means well.

magentastardust Fri 11-Oct-13 22:32:10

I guess that people can say -Oh look at you , you have lost weight -you are looking skinny.
Skinny can be used as a compliment -You know yourself though whether they were saying it that way though.
Fat can never be used as a compliment -even if you said to someone who was trying to gain weight-oh you are looking really great , you would never say You look great , you are looking a bit fat!

People really should be more considerate of slender peoples feelings too though -I am overweight and well aware of the negative comments associated with that but my dd is very small build and is very thin and petite.
I have really noticed over the last year how people have started to comment to her on- how skinny her legs are , how there is nothing of her etc etc. She is only 6 and it does worry me that people feel they can just comment on her size and what affect that will have on her.

MrsDeVere Fri 11-Oct-13 22:40:08

I don't agree.
Skinny is not a nice word. Skin and bone. Thats what it means.

It does not conjure up visions of beauty. It means 'too thin'.

Lilacroses Fri 11-Oct-13 22:49:29

Op you:ve really made me think tonight. I can now see exactly what you mean. I have noticed alot that if people see a very thin woman they frequently make comments about her having an eating disorder etc. It is very rude of these women to keep on at you about it

HesterShaw Fri 11-Oct-13 22:49:53

I can't believe people are saying "it was a compliment". The phrase "skinny beatch" is not a compliment. Skinny is not a nice word - it implies no womanly curves, bones sticking out, unfeminine (to me anyway, one of life's skinnies). Slim would have been a nicer word.

An overweight colleague once called me a "bag of bones". I guess that was a compliment too? hmm. However there's no way I could have turned round and called her a lump of lard and not upset her. She upset me though.


CrapBag Fri 11-Oct-13 22:56:13

I agree, skinny is NOT a compliment. Slim is. Thin isn't either.

TheBuskersDog Fri 11-Oct-13 22:58:18

I guess that people can say -Oh look at you , you have lost weight -you are looking skinny.
Skinny can be used as a compliment
I would not take that as a compliment - I would assume the person was saying I looked gaunt and scrawny.
I don't think skinny is ever used by slim people, it is used by overweight people to describe slim people.

I would actually say slightly differently to MrsDeVere that skinny is to curvy as slim is to fat, skinny or curvy are used when what is meant is slim or fat. Curvy is not the same as fat, you can be slim and have curves.

Even worse is the phrase 'real women' usually used to describe overweight women and to infer that somehow slim women are not real.

HesterShaw Fri 11-Oct-13 23:03:30

you surely do accept that being waif-like has been the only 'desirable' shape since the early 90s.

Sorry, but that's bollocks. Kelly Brook is held up as being a "real woman", a "woman with curves" blah blah blah. She most certainly is not a waif. Look at the amount of skinny bashing there is whenever any woman with a boyish figure is photographed in the Mail and rags like it. Cue comments such as "Give me a real woman any day, I've seen bigger boobs on a ten year old boy, eat some pies, EAT SOMETHING......!" and so on and so on.

Deeply tedious and very insulting.

CrapBag Fri 11-Oct-13 23:11:07

I would kill for Kelly Brooks figure!!! envy

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 11-Oct-13 23:12:41

MrsD is so right.

itsn0tmeitsyou Fri 11-Oct-13 23:15:47

Kelly Brook is one woman who is regarded as curvy, and probably amongst fashion people as too curvy, amongst the thousands of models who have to be a size 0 or whatever the right terminology is. What the media shows us on a daily basis is the slimmer the better.

magentastardust Fri 11-Oct-13 23:32:10

Well, maybe what I should have said is that Skinny can be said as a compliment people who haven't realised how offensive that is to those with a slender figure.

Whoever said that it is maybe thought of as a compliment by overweight people has maybe hit the nail on the head.
If I ever have called someone skinny it is probably someone who has been overweight and lost a lot of weight and have said it as a compliment to them.

Coffeenowplease Fri 11-Oct-13 23:34:13

I would have said the same. Why the fuck is it acceptable to comment on my weight because Im thin ? No thanks.

I get cold a lot too - you have no idea how often I have been told similar OP.

edam Fri 11-Oct-13 23:37:23

You'd have to know someone very well to call them a skinny bitch and be confident that they'd accept it was an affectionate comment.

I'm a porker and, going by this thread, may well have inadvertently offended some much more slender people by calling them skinny - but always, I hope, in an obviously self-deprecating 'gosh, I recognise that you are much slimmer than me, and vaguely wish I wasn't overweight' way.

Coffeenowplease Fri 11-Oct-13 23:39:59

Dont get me wrong I like my figure. I get that to many it is desirable. I just resent being told there must be something wrong with me or I must have an eating disorder and generally being made to feel bad that I look the way I do. Its quite sad actually.

marriedinwhiteisback Fri 11-Oct-13 23:43:44

If they can't take it they shoudln't give it.

ExcuseTypos Fri 11-Oct-13 23:59:22

Yes you were rude, but they bloody deserved it IMO.

I've been called a skinny bitch in that 'oh how funny' kind of way, when discussing the fact I get cold a lot, or that I can only have one glass of wine and feel drunk, or when I'm wearing shorts in the beach.... I could go on and on.

It gets very tiresome. I've never snapped back like you did OP, but I probably will one day!

ghostonthecanvas Sat 12-Oct-13 00:23:06

I have had comments my entire life. Now, sadly, I see my niece going through the same. Apparently she is my double wish I had known how pretty I was! I feel for her. It seems more acceptable to make rude comments disguised as humour to skinny people. (Yes, I do eat. No, I don't have an eating disorder. No, I don't feel guilty because you are overweight. No, I don't exercise. Really I don't.) Can you all imagine if I asked these questions to people who are overweight? My self esteem has suffered because of it. I wear baggy jumpers and oversized clothes. I don't comment when overweght people eat a cake. Yet I have lost track of the number of times people comment to me. "Oh I didn't think you ate cake" Why the fuck not?? Entire groups of women discussing what I eat. I can't join in because they tell me that I cannot be telling the truth. I can understand why you were rude. Rant over.

MrsMook Sat 12-Oct-13 01:11:54

There is definitely a double standard in the way that slim or underweight people and overweight people can be described. Looking at threads like the vanity clothes sizing, it is rife.

I had to put up with comments like "ironing board" at school with reference to not needing to wear a bra. I had a housemate at uni who watched me tuck into a mound of homemade spagghetti bolognaise and saying "how come you eat so much and don't get fat?" I was too polite to reply "because I don't eat crap like you" and because my idea of exercise wasn't going to the gym to pose and oggle the men with weights. That's just from being a healthy size, and not looking underweight. (Ironicly the housemate wasn't fat, but was just convinced that she was)

Skinny conjures up an unhealthy image of protuding bones. I wouldn't find it complimentary.

Thumbwitch Sat 12-Oct-13 06:20:57

Nothing to add to the debate really except that I was also a skinny teen and had lots of adverse commentary, especially from my Mum who was convinced I was anorexic (I wasn't at all). Mum had weight problems but I wasn't allowed to "bite back" because "you shouldn't comment on people's weight". Well no, so how come you did then, Mum? hmm

I don't think you were any ruder than they were, tbh. Among friends, bantering, "skinny beatch" and "fat cow" aren't really that different, IMO. I wouldn't use either EXCEPT about myself (being now 3st heavier than I was when I was skinny) and I have friends who often do the same about themselves.

Hopefully one good thing will come from this - they might now realise that they're being hurtful to continually bang on about your thinness, and STOP!

Howsuper Sat 12-Oct-13 07:50:23

Come on now, pepes. There is a lot of posters being disingenuous and falling over themselves to be PC.

We all know skinny is held up as the more aspirational of figures between thin and fat in our society, rightly or wrongly.

The friends are 99% likely to have been completely unaware that this would be seen as offensive. I would say things like to my slender friends.

And we all know that in western society calling a woman fat is 100% offensive.

So I think you were ruder by far.

(I do totally take the point that some 'skinny' (awful word when you start to think about it) women do feel offended at remarks like and this thread would make me think in the future.)

Howsuper Sat 12-Oct-13 07:50:48

There are a lot of posters.

GrandstandingBlueTit Sat 12-Oct-13 07:51:11

Didn't you know?

Calling someone 'fat' is the ultimate insult. There is basically nothing worse you can accuse a person of. Being called 'fat' is even worse then being called a cunt. Even (especially) when the person is fat.

Look at the vanity sizing thread for proof of this.

Call someone fat, and you commit social suicide.

Sister77 Sat 12-Oct-13 08:09:07

Howsuper if you read my posts you'll see they are totally aware and have been for ages that I don't like my weight commented on, they are unaware of my health problems.

itsn0tmeitsyou Sat 12-Oct-13 08:41:44

Ultimately I would have thought it was a pretty good tool for weeding out potential 'friends' if they are going to make disparaging remarks about your weight.

The reality is that there is nothing wrong with being naturally thin. It is not unhealthy, no one (sane) thinks ill of you in any way, no one judges you or decides they'll avoid you because of your weight, no one makes assumptions that if there's a funny smell in a room full of people, it's the thin one, blah blah.

Maybe as teenagers you struggled with self-image because you had some unpleasant girls in your social circle, but as adults surely by now you can recognise that those people were just nasty, so their comments were meaningless, and not how society perceives you.

If you really want to change, it is really simple. You just have to eat more. And that can be one of life's greatest pleasures grin. A friend of mine who had always hated having no hips and boobs got some curves after having a baby, and eating more during and after, and for a bit she liked it, then she decided she felt 'fat', she was probably about a size 12, and barely trying, reverted back to her post-baby size, and has now accepted her size and appreciates she can eat what she likes. She hardly exercises.

I, on the other hand, generally eat less than her, go to a very vigorous Zumba workout 2, sometimes 3, times a week, have an active life, and still am a size 18. I just accept it. It's how it is. Now can everyone please stop worrying about their bloody weight and think about important stuff.

differentnameforthis Sat 12-Oct-13 08:42:04

You were rude.
So were they.

I don't know why you consider these people friends if you all talk to each other like that!

Howsuper Sat 12-Oct-13 08:51:10

Sister77, yes point taken. It all sounds like a bit of a baffling bitchfest tbh.

pianodoodle Sat 12-Oct-13 08:53:19

Tbh no matter what you weigh calling someone a fat cow is rude

So is calling someone a skinny bitch.

If they didn't like the response they shouldn't have been rude to begin with.

I hate the double standards with this issue. So many people seem to think in order to be proud of their larger size they need to attack smaller sized women. Why is that OK?

I've seen "eat more pies" and "scrawny size ten bum" on a recent thread however if someone was told to eat fewer pies they'd be outraged and hurt.

If you make comments that are derogatory about someone's size it's rude. It isn't only rude if they're overweight!

Sister77 Sat 12-Oct-13 09:01:56

It'snotmeitsyou, if you read my posts you will see that it's not a case of eating more to put weight on. I have health problems which mean I find it difficult to put weight on.they are not aware of these because I don't wish to tell everyone, however I may have to so they understand my sensitivity re weight issues.
Howsuper there is nothing to suggest that it turned into a "baffling bitchfest" that evening, they made a comment so did I.

WoTmania Sat 12-Oct-13 09:15:07

YANBU - in the OP you said you didn't actually call them fat cows just that you*might as well have* from their reaction
So, they've deliberately put on the air con waiting for you to react in some so they can tease you about being thin. Nice hmm

GrandstandingBlueTit Sat 12-Oct-13 09:15:32

Out of interest ... and, humour me ... but why is it rude to call somone who's fat, 'fat'?

Why is the world's worst insult?

I mean, I know it is, and I'd never, ever do it. But why is it so awful to call someone 'fat'?

pianodoodle Sat 12-Oct-13 09:15:47

they made a comment so did I

Exactly. If you were expected to take "skinny bitch" with good humour then "fat cow" should have given them a good chuckle.

If not then they shouldn't have made their comment in the first place!

itsn0tmeitsyou Sat 12-Oct-13 16:08:50

I have read your posts OP and I had moved off point into a general discussion about being fat or thin. If you have medical problems of course that's awful, and in any event, I haven't tried to excuse them calling you anything. I said I think it's rude for anyone to call anyone anything relating to their weight, even more so if you have medical issues.

Actually though, I don't think this needs to be about being fat or thin, as other posters have said, it's basically just good manners. Theirs were dreadful, and you need to not stoop to their level in future, although I can understand your defensive anger. If they're good friends, I would give them the opportunity to understand if from your point of view, and if they still don't get it, I don't think people who get pleasure from insulting others are worth being friends with, personally.


rosieposey78 Sat 12-Oct-13 16:11:48

You were all being rude.

hakunamatata8 Sat 12-Oct-13 17:00:13

I am far from skinny, and in my view they deserved it. They made a rude comment then were shocked something similar back. If they are that sensitive about their weight then they should not have mentioned it.

nicename Sat 12-Oct-13 17:07:14

You could have probably made a joke or said nothing and they would just go on making the same 'jokes'. Now they will probably not.

I think it did serve them right and they will think again next time they open their mouths. I don't usually think that two wrongs make a right but in this case, I'm not suprised the OP bit back.

It seems to be fine to take the piss from people who are overly thin - but not people overly overweight.

29chapel Sat 12-Oct-13 17:14:22

From their perspective they were probably trying to flatter rather than be unkind (like others have said, perhaps as they're slightly envious of your figure - particularly if they don't know your medical history) however i think your response would've floored me too... I would explain the medical situation if i were you then you can all clear the air and move on.

MrsDeVere Sat 12-Oct-13 18:53:16

I think it is very interesting (genuinely, not in a passive aggressive tone)
how many people think that the friends could not have meant to be rude but the OP certainly did.

I think perhaps there is an assumption that thin women spend their time looking at not thin women with disgust.

That we all secretly despise you and spend our time watching our diets for fear we end up like you.

Whilst there must be women who are thin and obsessed with their weight IME that is not the case for me or the majority of women I know who do not consider themselves overweight.

Think about it...if you have never had to think about your own weight much why would you be bothered about anyone else's?

It is just not on my mind. I don't notice how big or small people are and I could guess their dress size if you paid me to.

I think people should listen to the OP and to others on this thread and not dismiss our experiences. Being called Skinny is NOT nice, we don't like it or see it as a compliment. It is a negative word.

There seems to be some projection going on here. 'Blimey I would LOVE someone to call me skinny, what the hell is she moaning about?'

Like I say, commenting on someone's weight is rude. Being told you are thin can be done in a nice way but I don't take it as a compliment because its like saying 'your eyes are blue'. Nothing to do with me.

Besides it is almost always followed up with 'you lucky cow' or 'its alright for some' etc etc. I am forced to stand there and mutter about how its not a big deal and no I don't go to the gym etc

Which just makes me even more unpopular doesn't it?

HesterShaw Sat 12-Oct-13 19:34:06

Bravo MrsDV.

itsn0tmeitsyou Sat 12-Oct-13 19:52:18

Besides it is almost always followed up with 'you lucky cow' or 'its alright for some' etc etc. I am forced to stand there and mutter about how its not a big deal and no I don't go to the gym etc

MrsDeVere I was with you all the way until this bit ...

It is a big deal, for those of us who can't eat without permanent guilt or worry, go to the gym, and still can't buy clothes that we feel good in. It is alright for some, and whilst I am with you on all your other points, on this you maybe could concede that you are lucky to never have to worry about it. It's a very privileged situation to be in you lucky cow grin

MrsDeVere Sat 12-Oct-13 20:09:33

Yes exactly my point itsn0t!

Its a big deal for others but not for me. So its projection isn't it?
What do I say to people? Yes you are right, I am really thin, isn't it wonderful, how horrible for you that your aren't'

How well would that go down?

I have no idea how to respond to people because if I sympathise I am saying they are fat and if I minimise I am being smug and ungrateful.

Another excellent reason for not commenting on somebody's weight I think.

I have to go to the gym as much as the next person. Being thin doesn't make you fit. I have think about what I eat too because I have to be as healthy as anyone else. My physiology does not allow me to eat whatever I like without it affecting my arteries.

I am not privileged. I just am who I am. The fact that I would be seen as privileged is a terrible indictment of just how screwed up our society has become.

Privileged is someone who has a happy and fulfilled life. Who has enough food to eat and has their family around them. A home and a job.

Not someone who can buy some bit of overpriced tat in Top Shop because it fits them.

It must be a right pain to not be able to buy whatever you want to wear. But me having a nice collection of frocks does not make up for the other crap in my life.

I will not minimise the fat shaming that goes on in our society but I will not take responsibility for any of it. Its nothing to do with me. Being thin does not make me guilty by association.

If everyone refused to engage in talk of weight and calories and being 'naughty' for having a cake (ffs) it would go a long way to stopping the prejudice against overweight people.

StanleyLambchop Sat 12-Oct-13 20:50:18

I think they were worse actually. As well as the skinny beatch they were making digs about you feeling cold and putting your jacket on. What's it to them if you want to wear your jacket? I can see why it would have wound you up to the stage were you retorted back.

HesterShaw Sat 12-Oct-13 21:08:36

and still can't buy clothes that we feel good in


itsn0tmeitsyou Sat 12-Oct-13 21:42:20

I agree with most of what you say, MrsDeVere, particularly about how everyone should just refuse to engage, and as I have said, I am not one of the apologists for people making comments about skinny people. By privileged I just meant fortunate, as I think you knew really...

And it is fortunate. Yes, you have other crap in your life to deal with, having a body that stays slim without you trying doesn't change that, so basically you just have one less thing to worry about. I have other crap in my life too, with the added bonus that I have to worry about what I eat all the time too or I just gain even more weight. So I think life's marginally easier for naturally thin people.

But that would never cause me to try to insult or demean thin people to make myself feel better, or even to comment on their weight and doing that would be your barometer for determining whether someone is worth knowing or not, imo.

itsn0tmeitsyou Sat 12-Oct-13 21:47:10

HesterShaw - if you can't buy clothes you feel good in that is because of your own body image issues, not because there aren't actually clothes in the shops.

Have a look next time you're shopping in any high street or swankier store, often the sizes just stop at 16, maybe an 18 in some. I don't mean I can't get clothes I feel good in because of my body image, I mean I can't actually go to most shops.

jacks365 Sat 12-Oct-13 21:53:15

Its not me its you can you please name all these amazing shops that my 'skinny' daughter can shop in, she's a small size 4 so 6 drowns her.

MrsDeVere Sat 12-Oct-13 21:56:20

Itsn0t I realise that my post may have seemed like a bit of an angry rant against you but it really wasn't meant to be. smile

I wasn't being funny with you. I took privileged at face value, it doesn't really mean the same as fortunate.

I absolutely agree that being overweight brings stuff that I do not have to deal with. I like being able to wear pretty much what I want.

My rant was not directed at you but rather at a society that puts so much value on being thin that thin people are seen as lucky.

I refused to have a set of scales in my house. I particularly didn't want my DD thinking about weighing herself. Lots of her friends did and were talking about their weight at the age of 10!

Yet when my DD lost weight and her appetite who was blamed? Me.
Apparently it was me who was causing this by giving her my food issues. It was bound to happen sooner or later. What can you expect when you have a mother who needs a good meal inside her?

She had cancer ffs!

When she stopped eating, before we knew what was wrong, I remember saying to DH 'You know I am going to get the blame for this don't you?' And I did.

Despite never having dieted in my life.

Hogwash Sat 12-Oct-13 22:07:26

They were rude, you were ruder.

They don't know about your health condition, but you called them fat, pretty much. It's not socially acceptable to call people fat, poor, thick, though it is acceptable to call people too-thin, weathy, geeky.

MrsDeVere Sat 12-Oct-13 22:13:58

No it isn't.
I don't find it acceptable. Because you find it more acceptable doesn't mean it is.
They didn't say she was too thin.
They called her a skinny beatch.

HesterShaw Sat 12-Oct-13 22:22:11

HesterShaw - if you can't buy clothes you feel good in that is because of your own body image issues, not because there aren't actually clothes in the shops.

Absolute bloody tosh. You don't know what you're talking about.

Clothes are getting bigger as people generally get bigger (as stated on the other thread). For those people who remain very thin, there are few clothes available. They are not making sizes 4 and 6 (the equivalent of what 8s and 10s used to be). Therefore people with very narrow frames either have to have saggy, gapey clothes, or wear children's clothes (not an option for those who are tall and thin). I am not about to make this thread all about me by describing my exact shape to you - you will have to take my word for it.

WoTmania Sat 12-Oct-13 22:22:18

They engineered the circumstances (air con down) to get a reaction so they could be rude and nasty and then got upset when she snapped back hogwash. Maybe if they don't want someone to comment on what they look like or weigh they shouldnot pllay childish and petty games

HesterShaw Sat 12-Oct-13 22:26:56

Actually I see your point after my outburst. My apologies.

Yes there are clothes available. However they don't fit.

comewinewithmoi Sat 12-Oct-13 22:28:52

People don't see fat in the same way as skinny. Skinny good, fat bad. Not right. Ywau

itsn0tmeitsyou Sat 12-Oct-13 22:36:45

<sighs heavily>

I don't know what to say. I am not angry with anyone. I have never tried to insult anyone, or called anyone skinny to my recollection. I have a view, and I have experiences, and I was just trying to put the other side, as it seemed there wasn't a balanced view. I feel like because I am pretty much the only one attempting to put another view I am now the whipping boy (not including you in that MrsD, I think you seem to have a rational view on the whole thing).

Actually, I think the people who talk about weight and obsess about image are the ones in the middle, who are neither naturally very thin or actually overweight. In that case, people at either end of the scale are natural allies. But I guess it's AIBU, so we have to fight.

I don't really care anymore now MrsD's talked about her daughter. I just feel really sad about that.

HesterShaw Sat 12-Oct-13 22:40:31

Skinny good, fat bad

Sorry, but that's not right. Sorry to bang on about this again, but you mean slim with a decent set of boobs = "good", not skinny. Skinny implies sticky out ribs and no hips and flat chested. This is not what people mean. You only have to look at the comments on, for example, the Daily Mail, to see the kind of rude comments the latter attracts e.g "give me a real woman any day, EAT MORE, eat a pie, eurgh, how unfeminine" and so on and so on. You only have to see the vitriolic comments someone like Kate Moss and Keira Knightley attract. Keira is very thin and the kind of crap people talk about her must be pretty hurtful, no matter how beautiful she actually is.

HesterShaw Sat 12-Oct-13 22:42:13

I don't want to fight either smile.

I just wish people would keep their comments to themselves. It's not right to make remarks to someone about their shape and size.

Women are all women.

MrsDeVere Sat 12-Oct-13 23:00:08

ahh now don't sigh heavily Itsn0t smile

I think we are pretty much all on the same side here even if it doesn't seem like it.

Our society is fecked when it comes to weight issues and women.

No one wins.

But I won't pretend that overweight women can be models or see images of themselves portrayed as beautiful in mainstream media. They can't.

But what Hester is saying about comments on-line is true. However much the media sells us the image of the thinner the better, the nasty comments tell us otherwise.

But then pictures of 'fat' women are regularly passed round FB for ridicule.

Fact is, the idea is impossible to achieve without surgery. Thin women tend not to have massive breasts. It not a natural body shape (although there will always be exceptions to the rule).

But we are supposed to be a size 0 with DD+ norks. confused

I think what is happening here is that thin women are thinking how they would feel in the OP's position and women who are not thin are thinking how much the 'fat cow' remark would have stung them

Which is understandable.

itsn0tmeitsyou Sat 12-Oct-13 23:07:43

Exactly. Everyone thinks about things from their own pov - and I guess I have honestly never realised there's so much skinny-bashing, so I am guessing lots of other people don't either - I pay a great deal more attention to anything in the media/conversation that might be anti-my size, and have never had reason to notice that women who are smaller than size 8 (I sort of didn't really realise it was possible to be much smaller than that, actually, it's just never been on my radar) have a hard time too.

Now, has anyone got any cake? grin

Thumbwitch Sun 13-Oct-13 00:34:51

"I think what is happening here is that thin women are thinking how they would feel in the OP's position and women who are not thin are thinking how much the 'fat cow' remark would have stung them"

I think that is exactly what is happening here, MrsDV, exactly. People are identifying with one or the other, and taking offence or thinking it was justified as appropriate.

People need to have a little more empathy and think about it all from the point of view MrsDV is making - weight and size just should not be commented upon! - rather than projecting their own feelings about their own size onto the discussion.

dubstarr73 Sun 13-Oct-13 01:40:54

No you werent rude and i say that as a fa person,if they can give it they should take it.Maybe they might think twice the next time.I hate this you can say anything to someone who is thin.I know i was very thin for years and i got the same sort of stuff said to me.If they can dish it,they should ake it

CouthyMow Sun 13-Oct-13 02:33:41

I have been every weight under the sun - from the 3.5 stone anorexic teenager, to the 13 stone mother of four.

I can tell you now, that the 'skinny bitch' comments cut me FAR deeper than any fat cow comments ever did.

Even when I got up to a size 6 and resumed normal life, I still got called 'twiglet', 'stick insect' on a daily basis.

I remained skinny (and I was skinny, a bag of bones) until I had my third child and simultaneously went on meds for epilepsy. At which point I got fat.

I still am fat, at 12 stone, but its not going to stop me eating what I want says the person who has just polished off a bag of Doritos and a double chocolate chip cookie...

I've lost a stone in the last two months - but only because I've moved more. And not through choice! grin

If someone calls me far, I can look at my spare tyre s, laugh and say yep, I am, but it beats the Hell out of the alternative, being made to feel like an outcast for being a skinny bitch, being the butt of everyone else's jealous digs when all I wanted was to be a normal weight.

I couldn't give two craps if someone called me fat right now, that isn't hurtful to me, it's true! But I got looked up on fb recently by one of my old school acquaintances, and the first thing they typed was "Hi Twiglet", and it brought all the pain rushing back. No, I didn't reply!

If you are fat, take a minute to think how you are affected by people calling you fat. Well, not many people that are 5 stone overweight like me can brush it off like I can. However, and its a BIG however, not all 'skinny' people can brush off your comments about their weight either. Very few might be like I am about being called fat - which tbh I see personally as FAR more of a compliment than being called skinny - but to the majority it is just as hurtful as someone calling you fat.

Why comment on people's weight anyway? Whether slim or curvy, someone will not be happy with their weight.

Call me fat, lardy, chubba, I don't care. Call me skinny, Twiglet, stick insect, I will be deeply hurt.

(My anorexia was through competing in a martial art based on weight categories and pure and simple food phobias, not 'fat' comments)

CouthyMow Sun 13-Oct-13 02:38:58

And NO, it isn't 'fortunate', or 'one less thing to worry about' if you are 'skinny'.

You have to worry that every time you are under stress that you might become dangerously underweight, that the diet you have to eat in order to look even remotely human rather than a skeleton with skin stretched over it is probably going to cause your arteries to be furred up by the time you are 35, and give you a heart attack.

There's never any clothing in shops that looks good on anyone smaller than a size 8, OR larger than a size 14. Believe me, I've been both.

It's no more 'fortunate' to be 'skinny' than it is to be 'fat'.

Lj8893 Sun 13-Oct-13 03:06:06

I wouldn't say 12 stone was fat at all.

I also would disagree with the comment about clothing not looking good on anyone under a size 8 or over a size 14.

I have a friend who is a size 6 and dresses very well for her size and shape, lots of clothing looks good on her and the same for myself at a size 16/18, I dress well for my size and shape and all my clothes look good on me (without being big headed) because i know what suits me and what doesn't.
Yes, it would probably be a lot easier to clothes shop if I was a size 10 but that doesn't mean there arnt clothes in the shops that don't look good on me just because I'm over a size 14.

I think commenting on anybody's weight is rude, fat or thin.

CouthyMow Sun 13-Oct-13 03:18:24

12 stone is fat when you're short...

CouthyMow Sun 13-Oct-13 03:19:32

According to my GP, I should weigh between 8.5 and 9.5 stone. Umm...nope.

nooka Sun 13-Oct-13 03:55:00

My son is very very thin and buying clothes for him is very difficult because if you get the length right then they fall off his waist. Literally. Of course he can wear a belt and he used to have trousers with the adjusters inside, but I'd have to pull them right the way up and it was very uncomfortable for him. He could not for example wear jeans. Now he is in adult sizes he can get better fitted clothes, but then they really show off his thinness, which makes him unhappy.

His best buddy is very overweight and has similar problems. Neither are within the norm, and it's an issue for both of them. I would think it just as wrong to call ds a skinny bastard as his buddy a fat bastard, although there is no doubt that ds is very thin and his mate is very fat.

Ironically ds eats an absolute ton, and his friend is very active. Both shapes are due mainly to their genetics, and no I don't consider ds fortunate when he gets so cold swimming that he has to get out way before his friends, or when he feels he needs to wear seven layers in the summer to look OK.

In the same way that 'eat less' is not generally a helpful thing to say to someone overweight, eat more is generally not a helpful thing to say to someone thin.

Lj8893 Sun 13-Oct-13 04:33:11

I'm not particularly tall myself, 5"5. According to Bmi I should weigh about 9st. If I weighed 9st I would look very very ill. My perfect weight would probably be about 11-12 stone. When I weighed 11st I was a perfect size 10. So no I wouldn't call 12st fat (unless your very very short that is!!!)

SlangKing Sun 13-Oct-13 05:45:53

There is no 'scoring' insults - gobshite 3.8, fuckwit 7.1 etc - cuz you never know how the recipient will feel.

Their insult began with "We wondered when,,,,". So, they were talking/laughing about her "skinny aversion to cold" earlier and were eagerly awaiting their opportunity. That's bullying, both overt and covert, which multiplies the effect of any insult.

When the OP responded they could've kept quiet but noooo,, they bonded before she got there. If one reacts the other will follow,, a second opportunity to bully the OP.

Fat cows? Utter cunts, more like. You want ppl like that for friends, OP? I wouldn't waste my breath on 'em.

differentnameforthis Sun 13-Oct-13 08:26:51

Out of interest ... and, humour me ... but why is it rude to call somone who's fat, 'fat'?

It's rude when it is an insult, or meant to hurt.

Thumbwitch Sun 13-Oct-13 14:29:23

Lj8893 - what you would or wouldn't say about Couthy's weight and size is utterly irrelevant to Couthy. And, in fact, me too. I am not short, I am the same height as you and I can assure you that at 12st, I am fat because I carry it all around my middle and have a waist measurement of 37", which is far too big.

Besides which, this thread is not at all about what you would call fat. It's about people's response to other people calling them skinny or fat.

Lj8893 Sun 13-Oct-13 14:36:07

Sorry I didn't mean it to come across that way at all. It was 4am in the morning after all, and I was being driven mad by pregnancy insomnia.

What I meant by what I said is that weight shouldn't really determine somebody's size and shape.

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