AIBU to think I got dumped?

(69 Posts)
DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 13:22:37

Feeling pissed off so bring it on AIBU.

Been dating for 3 months. Last time I saw him was last Wed/ Thurs morning. Thurs eve sent him a text apologising (leaked in his mattress) and saying to let me know about the next (now this) week.

Usually would've heard something by Mon the latest. Nada. So Tues eve I texted: 'Oh dear, not even a text this week... X'. He read it an hour later at 8pm. Nada.

This morning I sent a pissy text that if he doesn't want to speak to someone than maybe let them know, esp. If they (I) are the people who like him.

At the beginning he was more into me and after a while I thought, yeah let's give it a go. So I thought we were on the same page.

He is extremely busy at work and has different sports in the evenings, which makes me pissed off he manages to do everything but spare 10 secs to text me.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 13:24:07

Ah, also I'm coming off Sertraline and now thinking it might be clouding my judgement. hmm

DidoTheDodo Thu 10-Oct-13 13:24:36

Step away from the texts. Don't contact him.
"Busy" is no excuse.

Dillydollydaydream Thu 10-Oct-13 13:26:11

Doesn't look good if he's usually quick to reply to texts usually?

DSM Thu 10-Oct-13 13:26:23

Yeah, sorry to confirm your suspicions but he isn't acting well at all.

What an arse for not even texting back though. No contact from him at all in a week, and you've sent a series of messages? Not a good sign.

Sorry... sad

WorraLiberty Thu 10-Oct-13 13:26:52

What is it with people texting?

Does no-one ever talk any more?

You should have just rang him. For all you know, he might have lost his phone and someone else might be reading the texts.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 10-Oct-13 13:26:53

When you say 'leaked on his mattress' what do you mean?

I would leave it, he obviously isn't planning on contacting you again.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 13:27:03

Shouldn't have texted this morning, I know. Phone call would be better. He has, well had been pretty good up till now.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 13:29:02

Period. I took out the mooncup to have sex and must have leaked then. I was only spotting due to ill chosen pill, didn't think it would leak. He said not too worry.

EllaFitzgerald Thu 10-Oct-13 13:46:00

Definitely don't text him. He was able to text you before, so if he wanted to, he'd be able to text you now.

Sounds horrible, but I think you may be flogging a dead horse sad

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 13:47:53

Why not just let me know????


Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 10-Oct-13 13:49:06

Oh ok, that isn't something I would think to apologise for tbh, it isn't like you got drunk and pissed in the bed!

I really would just leave it, he's not behaved well and you don't need people like that in your life.

Rosencrantz Thu 10-Oct-13 13:50:50

2 texts in a row, to a guy that doesn't want to date you, looks very needy.

He's not being direct about not wanting to see you any more because he's a coward and doesn't want the confrontation/awkward conversation.

Pack up and move on.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 10-Oct-13 13:51:41

That's a shame sad However, better to know now - 3 months in - than 3 years in, that he's an idiot.

Mind you - do you 'facebook'? Has he been on there/been at work - I guess we need to know that he's still alive and not in hospital to be totally sure he's an idiot!

Beccagain Thu 10-Oct-13 13:55:12

Yep, frustrating isn't it? Twat indeed. Let him go: you're missing nothing even if he has a dick like a baby's arm

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 13:56:24

Maybe needy but I don't think it's unreasonable to first assume someone who you've been seeing every week for the last 3 months to still be in contact with you. I thought maybe he still had family problems as before and was pre-occupied with it. Now I know. Why wanting to get a clear answer is seen as needy. We were going out, we liked each other (or so I thought) and something must have happened last time that made his mind up.

So keen on honesty, that one hmm

MDK Thu 10-Oct-13 14:06:44

WorraLiberty Thu 10-Oct-13 13:26:52

What is it with people texting?

I was thinking the same OP - guys react better if you call, texts are emotionless garbage even with smileys in them and can be misinterpreted quite easily. In the future forget texting, IM or e-mail and speak to them.

Biggest problem I had in the past with girlfriends was them playing coy and texting then assuming I was "OK" with the whole mind games / subtle bullshit, I'm a guy, I like to know where I stand, not be messed around and I'd drop them in an instant if I thought that was happening. I was always honest with them, I expected it back. No mind games no huffy silences and not "leaving her hanging".

If someone won't speak to you then chances are they don't want to put their winkie in your foo foo.. if you get the idea. But at least you'd know and be able to move onto someone who deserves your time and effort.

and foo foo access rights.

Nancy66 Thu 10-Oct-13 14:14:44

Doesn't look good.

Very cowardly to not even have a conversation with you about it but not that unusual either.

Stop contacting him and write this one off.

Bottom line: if a bloke is interested he finds time for you.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 14:25:12

It's just the double-faceness of that. I came to his, brought dinner, he was so knackered but perked up a bit, said wasn't getting 'love' from me (affection to you and me). I did when I came in but he was so glum so I stopped.

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 10-Oct-13 14:43:44

Usually would've heard something by Mon the latest. Nada. So Tues eve I texted: 'Oh dear, not even a text this week... X'. He read it an hour later at 8pm. Nada.

Sarky texts like that don't make you look good but if he's avoiding you because of his bed, he's an idiot. Forget him.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 14:46:01

The worst thing is that he proved me right. He was saying: not all men are like that. Yep, he just wasn't obe of the exceptions.

DSM Thu 10-Oct-13 14:48:03

Is he single?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 14:50:26

It wasn't a sarky text.

Yes, single but maybe wanted to have sex with someone else. Who knows. And I know him professionally too. Always making out he's such a great bloke.

jaffajiffy Thu 10-Oct-13 14:53:51

Do you have iPhones? There's a bug with ios7 and iMessage. My DH can no longer send me iMessages, only texts.

It's his only hope; otherwise, it doesn't look good.

DidoTheDodo Thu 10-Oct-13 14:55:12

Is he single?
He is now.

Dahlen Thu 10-Oct-13 14:55:28

If he's just stopped contacting you with no preceding explanation, he is an arse and you are better off without him. I know it's hard to go through and that it will take some time for your emotions to catch up with your head, but just keep telling yourself you had a lucky escape.

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 10-Oct-13 14:57:46

He isnt behaving well.

Just take the moral high ground and don't send him passive aggressive texts but ignore my.advice.

Hope you meet someone nicer.

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 10-Oct-13 14:58:30

"Oh dear, not even a text this week..."
Ok, if not sarky, passive agressive.
Either way, he's being unkind and should have contacted you.

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 10-Oct-13 14:59:04

Xpost fanjo

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 15:03:24

I am gobsmacked that he just left it like that. Very self-assured, no problems with speaking his mind mind, always very polite. If he wanted to end it, I see no reason he couldn't just say it.

In fact in the beginning I was not happy with something and said or was not working for me and then he said he hoped I would find someone who'll make me happy and he was sorry it was not him.

There's no way I expected this!

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 15:08:48

I think suspecting a faulty iPhone is clutching at straws. Yes, he does have one, that's how I knew he read my texts. It is also highly unlikely someone else has his phone. He could've emailed me or call/ text from his other phone or his office. Just a dick I'm afraid. Just about as I thought I was safe with him.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 15:09:31

On the plus side, I just passed Sugar Crush level 23, in which I was stuck for a week. Swings and roundabouts grin

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 15:29:53

Surprised he read them though, my texts that is. Why not delete straight away if he didn't want to engage.

DSM Thu 10-Oct-13 15:44:56

Congratulations on candy crush grin

I don't even know how to delete a text without reading it on my iPhone. As soon as you click into messages, the new text opens up. Only time it doesn't is if you have multiple new messages.

Given he is an asshole, seems unlikely he's got multiple friends sending multiple messages.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 15:54:03

He must have know Thurs morning when I was leaving his. The week before ghat he had said: I'll see you next week, kiss kiss smooch smooch. That thurs he said nothing like that and I thought it was oddhmm. We always made plans for the following week before we parted.

That's why I started to think it maybe was the blood (he's almost OCD) but not enough ocd to not have sex in the period. I must have said or done sth to make his mind up. hmm

Rambling now, but meed to process today and it seems the last 6 days too.

DSM Thu 10-Oct-13 15:59:02

Actually, an ex once broke up with me because I got my period through the night and left some blood on the sheets.

I woke up, saw it, stripped the bed but didn't have time to do anything else before I left, as there was already a wash on that he must have done before he left.

Maybe some people are just really funny about periods.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 16:21:46

If he were so paranoid about it he would've put the towel in but I guess he was too caught up in waiting to get his dick wet.

I said I was sorry as I didn't organise a towel thinking it was just spotting (kind of brownish, constant 7 day spotting; thanks microgynon). No idea if that's what freaked him out but just no idea what else. Happy to dip his cock in thoughhmm

MDK Thu 10-Oct-13 16:30:47

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 14:50:26

It wasn't a sarky text.


As a guy I can tell you I'd take that as sarky, bitchy and attention seeking. I'd avoid you like the plague if that's how you text rather than call..

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 16:36:48

hmm MDK. It was his turn to get in contact. He didn't ai assumed he was too busy. The text was me being disappointed. Thought it was ok to express one's feelings. He almost never used to call me. So what's your beef with my text. Are you implying you can dump someone on such basis. Nice. Either way, the problem is he didn't communicated it neither in person or by text or by telegram, email or a tweethmm

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 16:38:59

Plus he would say things similarly such as: oh, no kiss today? Normal chat, I'd say.

Not normal is going awol on someone you've been seeing and keeping a contact with for the last 3 months.

HaroldLloyd Thu 10-Oct-13 16:45:27

Sorry I agree it was a bit snarky.

If you think he's not going to get in touch again then it's a pissy way to end things with someone, but if at all possible just ignore him.

Sinful1 Thu 10-Oct-13 16:46:14

No offenses but he might have just had a bit of a busy weekend but been intending to get back in touch but then got a text saying "oh dear not even a text this week" immediately makes him think you're going to be a clingy controlling bitch.

And you seem to already hate his guts so guys probably dodged a bullet and isn't getting back in touch because he doesn't want to engage the psycho further

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 16:52:16

Yes, I'm a psycho. You should offer your services to the NHS, with all that diagnosing through a screen.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 16:53:15

So i should just wait like a good little woman till he deigns me with his divine attention? Now that's sarky.

HaroldLloyd Thu 10-Oct-13 16:55:41

No one is saying that OP. but what's the point of sending angry texts?

It's either some sort of misunderstanding, in which case he will get put off, OR

He's a knob, in which case don't stoke his ego.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 10-Oct-13 17:07:10

I just wanted to meet a bloke that likes me and I like him. I ran 2 businesses, have a toddler and am busy too. But clearly not that busy as not to spare few secs for. Text once or twice a week. Without fail we would text and see each other once a week on average so yes, I found it strabge that abruptly stopped.

Why shouldn't I enquire? I won't anymore. He did just call but I'm working and need to compose myself before calling back.

Either way, I think a bloke who cannot find a spare minute for me in a whole week is simply not interested.

HaroldLloyd Thu 10-Oct-13 17:09:41

I wouldn't want a boyfriend who didn't text or get in touch with me fairly regularly, so that's fair enough.

Rather than feeling dumped looked at it this way, he wasn't giving you what you wanted and you make the decision not to bother with him any more.

So your actually dumping him.

HaroldLloyd Thu 10-Oct-13 17:11:36

I just think that people that are like this with partners get some sort of kick from being chased, you've only sent two texts, that's not so bad, but I would now delete his number.

Dump and delete.

I think you know when someone isn't as interested as you would like, I always have.

Rosencrantz Thu 10-Oct-13 17:15:50

He's just not that into you. He'd be texting if he was.

Get over it, move on, stop wasting your energy on someone not worthwhile.

DSM Thu 10-Oct-13 17:20:57

No idea what that sudden pasting was about, OP you are still, I maintain, in the right. He is an arse. Any man that decides after 3 months that he's 'just not they into you' and can't even be bothered to text you to let you know, is an arse.

Your texts weren't snarky, psycho hmm, nor are you, in any way coming across as a clingy! controlling bitch.

sinful - you are being really nasty. You sound like you have issues.

I like what haroldloyd said!

meganorks Thu 10-Oct-13 18:56:22

Yes you have been dumped. I think it was the mooncup. One of the more disturbing things I have learnt about on mumsnet and I am female!

Zoe456 Thu 10-Oct-13 19:05:50

Dating terrifies me. That you could be sleeping with somebody who doesn' t even owe you a text (never mind a conversation) when you're dumped shock I think I'm too frightened to sleep with anybody ever again. I'm just not brave enough to be dumped without so much as a text! It's a bit mad Ted. :-p Stick to Candy Crush!

Latara Thu 10-Oct-13 19:23:25

What a wanker.
Sorry but after 12 weeks he owes you more than just to ignore you - a phone call at least.

Sending him 2 texts in a week is not at all needy when you've been together for 3 months and are sleeping together! I would have done the same.

On a different subject, hope you get on ok coming off the Sertraline and are having some support from your GP or CMHT?

Zoe456 Fri 11-Oct-13 11:32:13

Yes, a different thread perhaps but I wouldn't be brave enough to sleep with somebody if they considered me needy if I texted them confused I am not judging at all I swear but if it's supposed to be fun then how is that fun? God, it's no wonder I have had just one (short) relationship in the six years since xh. I think I'll just hunker down. These threads scare me.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sat 12-Oct-13 09:57:05

Well he did call on Thurs and left a voicemail. Hi Drink. It's Twunt here. Hope you're alright. Sorry for not being in touch, been dealing with different matters blah blah blah, although that's not your fault and I should've got in touch. Sorry I didn't catch you, will try to later.

You think he called again? Noooo.

I suppose he will soon. Not sure how I will deal with ot. Spoke to a friend and he said not to say much just let him speak.

AlexaChelsea Sat 12-Oct-13 09:59:43

Yeah, I'd let him speak. There's no excuse to not take a minute or two to send a text, but I have this issue with DH and it's frustrating when he says he was too busy to reply or such. It takes one minute!

He might have a good answer. Wait and see.

pinkyredrose Sat 12-Oct-13 10:08:35

sinful two texts make someone a clingy controlling bitch and a psycho?

Someone's clearly ruffled your feathers, I hope you get the help you need.

OP you are not in the wrong here. He's ignoring you and that's not on.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sat 12-Oct-13 10:09:11

Aaargh, wrote a post and then deleted it. angry

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 12-Oct-13 11:19:34

Has he called back yet Drink?

I have no idea what some posters are on, or what axe they have to grind, but a couple of texts is not 'needy' and your text was NOT sarky. Perfectly normal.

Was his blah blah blah very important stuff? Anyway, a couple of texts to you takes seconds, even if he didn't have time to meet up this week.

I'd listen if he calls again - but it probably wouldn't change my mind that he's not for me, if he's not that 'into you' right now, it wont get any better and who needs that?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Sat 12-Oct-13 12:39:21

you are massively over reacting he missed a few days texts ... so what, he rang and explained. think you are projecting other stuff into this and come accross as needy, angry and possibly in need of returning to GP for support.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sat 12-Oct-13 13:10:18

Ni, he didn't miss anything, he ignored my perfectly reasonable 2 texts over 5 day period. Considering he would always be in contact before I don't see my reaction surprising.

Who are all those people who have those completely strung free uber casual sex encounters where woman can't initiate contact without being considered to be a needy psycho? hmm

pictish Sat 12-Oct-13 13:15:34

I agree with Harold - it's way too shabby for you, right?

DownstairsMixUp Sat 12-Oct-13 13:24:47

I hardly think two texts over five days is "needy" hmm I would personally just ignore and delete his number, sounds like a time waster.

sweetestcup Sat 12-Oct-13 13:37:59

I know you didnt mean the text to be sarky but the problem with texting is we cant use facial expression, voice and body language to convey what we mean - which is why texts are often misconstrued.

BuzzardBirdBloodBath Sat 12-Oct-13 13:44:35

Controlling bitch? wow, what a lovely way to speak to someone shock

pictish Sat 12-Oct-13 13:44:51

Who says he misconstrued her text? hmm

OP your conduct has been appropriate and restrained, and not at all needy or insistent.

I wonder if he has met someone else? That might explain the abrupt cut off. Not saying he has of course, it's just a thought. x

pictish Sat 12-Oct-13 13:46:32

Sinful someone here has issues and it's not the OP! How fucking rude are you?

Llanbobl Sat 12-Oct-13 13:48:58

Delete his number so you're not tempted to text. Block on FB so you're not tempted to perk at what he's up to and walk away with your dignity intact.
If he's been busy with work he'll be in touch, if not cut your losses......better now than when you've invested more in the relationship

leobear Sat 12-Oct-13 14:27:59

I'm sorry, but it does sound as though, in the words of the book, he's just not that in to you. Move on. And I mean that kindly.

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