To wish my friend would STOP telling me how well her baby sleeps

(76 Posts)
SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 07-Oct-13 11:37:06

I AM being unreasonable, I know. But Grrrr.... angry

My friend had a little boy 2 weeks ago, and he sleeps beautifully, only wakes once or twice in the night for a feed, has lovely long naps in the day, and feeds well.

I suffered with both mine - tongue ties and feeding issues, never sleeping, etc etc. am still in the throes of sleep deprivation with 6 month DS who only naps 20 mins at a time and wakes up every 2 hours (or less) at night.

I am very very happy for her, and I'm not wishing for her idyllic baby to change, but AIBU to wish she'd STOP texting me saying 'Ah, DS just had a 3 hour nap after his morning feed', or posting on FB about how she's finding everything soooo easy, keeping her house clean and getting everything done.

It's driving me insane! She knows how knackered I am. Stop with the stealth boasting! It makes me feel shit.

angry

As you were.

HadALittleFaith Mon 07-Oct-13 11:43:04

Oh YANBU. We have a variable sleeper. Rubbish napper, very difficult to settle. Total boob monster.

Actually I'd be worried if my 2 week old was only waking once in the night?! Babies aren't designed to go so long without feeding, not when they're that little. In fact DD went through a lovely, long forgotten period of sleeping through from 7 weeks and I contacted the lactation consultant for my PCT because I knew it was abnormal. I'd be tempted to send a few cheeky texts suggesting there's something abnormal! In reality, a gentle conversation about how it's not very helpful to you wouldn't go amiss.

Pride comes before a fall - my friend was always putting rather smug FB posts about how well her DS slept. Now it's moans about how awful he is as a toddler! smile

Bloodsocks Mon 07-Oct-13 11:44:04

Yanbu. I got my first 2 hours in an evening to myself this week as we have finally managed to get 6 month dd's bedtime to around 7, and since putting her in her own room at the weekend is feeding for an hour or so before sleeping for a couple. She doesn't normally nap longer than half an hour at a time either and my house is a mess, <shrugs>

Just smile and nod. Dd slept through between 4 and 15 weeks then we hit the sleep regression and I've been up every night since so she may only be able to brag for a few weeks more!

Madamnit Mon 07-Oct-13 11:45:19

YANBU - having had a non sleeping baby (now morphing into a non sleeping toddler)I know how annoying it is when people constantly update you on how their LO is sleeping!! Aghhhh

quoteunquote Mon 07-Oct-13 11:46:11

Don't worry he will be a vile teenagergrin

Two weeks you say, well I hope for her sake it lasts.

I hope you get some sleep soon.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Mon 07-Oct-13 11:46:22

Does she text about other stuff not baby related?

I'd assume that she had nothing else to text you about.

Ignore the baby sleepy texts and just respond to proper stuff and she should get the message.

sebsmummy1 Mon 07-Oct-13 11:46:39

YANBU I can't stand stealth bragged on Facebook.

To be fair I doubt your friend knows her posts are making you feel stabby, but still, she should have a little more sensitivity to how your feeling currently to not stealth brag text you!!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 07-Oct-13 11:47:08

YANBU

Just ignore and withdraw.

jacks365 Mon 07-Oct-13 11:48:35

Mine were quite sleepy for the first 2/3 weeks but by 4/5 weeks it was all changed and they were awake much more. Just bide your time it'll soon all change for her.

Yanbu

Fakebook Mon 07-Oct-13 11:48:44

2 weeks? She's still on a high I bet. She may come crashing down back to earth and I think you should be a good friend and not be smug if she does. This happened to me with DS, he developed reflux and this distressed him a lot and that stressed me out for a good month and a half. Once his reflux was cured he went back to the good baby he was.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 07-Oct-13 11:49:27

I texted her back with a little jokey 'Wish mine would do the same'.

She did reply saying that he had been up between 3 and 5 which made me feel much better grin

I am a horrible, horrible person.

I would not wish sleep deprivation on anyone!

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Mon 07-Oct-13 11:50:55

I am a horrible, horrible person.

Nah. You're totally normal.

wink

sebsmummy1 Mon 07-Oct-13 12:30:19

I'm slowly withdrawing from one of my mummy friends as I cannot deal with the constant Facebook updates of where there are, how much fun they are having, what milestone her son has broken early etc.

I know it is totally me and not her and she is a nice person and I am just feeling bitter and twisted ATM. But for my own sanity I had to take a step back.

froken Mon 07-Oct-13 12:50:36

I would also be worried about a baby sleeping so long! Ihope your sleep situation improves soon smile

Stealmysunshine Mon 07-Oct-13 12:50:40

It's only been 2 weeks, give it time!!

When DS was 2 weeks he was great at napping in the day and would be up 2/3 times a night. 2 months later he would sleep through, now at 5 months he has 20 min naps and is again waking up 2/3 times a night!!

Once she stops texting you you'll know things have Changed!!

Yonididnaedaethat Mon 07-Oct-13 12:55:16

Ah I remember when my baby was a perfect newborn.........fast forward to the point where he got to big for the Moses basket and I've had nothing but sleep problems!. 18 months now and he still doesn't go to sleep before 10.30hmm

mistyshouse Mon 07-Oct-13 12:56:01

oh god smug people like that PISS ME RIGHT OFF

hope your baby sleeps soon x

PlayedThePinkOboe Mon 07-Oct-13 13:01:54

Tbh YAB a little bit U.

I got bored to hell of my fellow mums continuously whining about how hard it was. Whine, whine, whine, whinge, whinge, gripe. What did they think they were having? A baby or an Hermes?

I was sick to the back teeth of the moaning - everyone was so busy complaining I wondered if they ever stopped to enjoy their babies.

(The other side of the fence)

thebody Mon 07-Oct-13 13:05:45

oh fucking ignore her op.

if she thinks she's got parenthood problems sorted in 2 weeks she's in for a bloody massive shock.

it's when you are at your most smug that kids bite you on the arse.

bide your time. hope you get some sleep.

ButteryJam Mon 07-Oct-13 13:29:55

YANBU. When people moan to me about their LO and lack of sleep etc, I have to bite my tongue, and not tell them how lucky they are in comparison to what I'm going through.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 07-Oct-13 13:33:18

Well tbh PinkOboe, it IS bloody difficult. I don't actually enjoy it that much. <dons tin hat>

I find the solidarity of fellow parents complaining a comfort. Much better than smug stealth boasting.

To me, it's like saying to someone with a massive hangover, 'Stop complaining, you shouldn't have drunk so much' when you know they're just going to go and get wankered again.

That analogy made way more sense in my head....

dietcokeandwine Mon 07-Oct-13 13:39:47

Not being unreasonable at all, OP. Or a horrible person either!

Just wait till her wonderfully 'easy' baby hits the 3 week growth spurt, and then the six week one, etc etc etc. Then wait some more, till her baby's sleep cycles become more clearly defined at around the three month stage and he does 45 mins maximum for a nap and that's just if she's lucky. And then sit back and wait for the four month growth spurt, and prepare to be all sympathy and smiles!

Honestly, lots of babies seem easy in the first couple of weeks (obviously lots of others aren't especially if there are feeding issues etc). I have had three who all pretty much slept and fed for the first two weeks. It doesn't last!

youretoastmildred Mon 07-Oct-13 13:44:15

yanbu. block her.

Seriously you can still be her friend without having her fb updates in your timeline. I have turned off my smuggest boastiest friend. It is very soothing, the silence of not having to hear about her perfect life any more. She doesn't know - she doesn't expect a response to any of this. it is just how she likes to boom her personality out to the universe and has no interest in anyone's reaction to it

campion Mon 07-Oct-13 13:53:22

It's probably a little bit jaundiced still or is destined to be a very dull person wink

She won't tell you if when any problems start so just ignore her.
YANBU to be pissed off though.

PeterParkerSays Mon 07-Oct-13 14:01:18

"I've just been reading about the 4 month sleep regression; it's really interesting" Then sit back and watch her sweat. Cow.

1st rule of motherhood, you STFU if your child sleeps well until asked so as not to rub it in the noses of other sleep deprived mothers

SparkleToffee Mon 07-Oct-13 14:17:51

if she thinks she's got parenthood problems sorted in 2 weeks she's in for a bloody massive shock.
what thebody says......

She might be one of the really lucky ones who has a brilliant sleeper from birth / a few weeks, but I doubt it....... And your right to feel annoyed. If she is lucky enough to have a baby who does that she should thank her lucky stars and realise how it is down to luck and nothing to do with her!

I hate parental stealth boasters too...... The kind of people who treat having a baby like another job with goals to achieve. My DS was a shocking shocking sleeper and I had one friend whose baby was much better than DS. However DS potty trained in a weekend (I have no idea how) and almost a year after she started with DD she was still carrying spare pants and wiping wee off slides..........

A well sleeping baby does not mean you are destined to find the "whole of parenting" easy!

Hope your baby sleeps soon

Melonbreath Mon 07-Oct-13 15:04:23

Yanbu with a capital YANBU
I remember a few months ago when dd decided to have screaming non sleeping fits from 2am until 6 and she was up for the day at half 7. A friend texted me saying, wow. Ds did 13 hours of sleep in one go.
If I could have dived down the phone to kill her I would have.

violator Mon 07-Oct-13 15:09:13

YANBU.
I had a similar friend. She'd moan that she had to wake her daughter at 9.30am because, like, the morning "was practically gone" and she wanted to go out.
Meanwhile I was ready for lunch at 9.30am having been up most of the night and for the day at 4.30am.

The same friend is due No2 any day now. We'll see if its the same this time.

everlong Mon 07-Oct-13 15:09:17

Block her?? Christ that's a bit extreme!

OP my best sleeper turned out to be the teenager from hell. Keep that in mind wink

Floggingmolly Mon 07-Oct-13 15:11:43

She's two weeks in... Things can turn on a sixpence at that age, she's got no more guarantee of that continuing than you have of your situation not being resolved tomorrow!

DS was a good sleeper for the first three months, and then again from about three years old. What happened for the two and three quarter years in between is another matter! I'm still recovering. grin

Googlella Mon 07-Oct-13 15:13:26

He's only 2 weeks old - definitely not out of the woods yet!

HeffalumpTheFlump Mon 07-Oct-13 15:13:34

I fear things may change in the next few weeks. My friends baby slept like an angel for the first three, but now at 5 weeks old it has all gone up the spout. My friend is now feeling like she jinxed it by saying what a great sleeper she was!!

Yanbu, fb posts are one thing, but texting you to tell you about it is a tad annoying!

Jengnr Mon 07-Oct-13 15:14:55

Two weeks in she's probably trying to put on a front about how well she's coping. For the first couple of months I put make up on every day just to look good and show I could cope.

Now I'm more confident in my skills I'm back to being a scrubber smile

Zara1984 Mon 07-Oct-13 15:17:48

Pride comes before a massive fall... Just ignore her OP. She will soon discover it's not all plain sailing!

Totally agree on the STFU until asked about good sleeping. Otherwise it's just rude and rubbing it in. (I say that as the parent of an excellent sleeper, so I shut my yap on the topic generally)

sashh Mon 07-Oct-13 15:18:06

OK, not a parent so I have maybe got this wrong but.

If you are a new mum and your baby is asleep why the hell are you on facebook?

There are two things this reminds me of

1) the saying "hungry children talk about food"

and

2) the parent who assured my mother her little boy never had accidents and she couldn't cope with a child (me) who was still having them at 4.

She may have been telling the truth, but for some reason she would do a wash of just the little boy's pyjamas and bedding.

Zara1984 Mon 07-Oct-13 15:19:09

Also I am firmly of the belief that anyone who says how easy it is during the first two months is (1) extremely lucky or (2) lying.

Usually the second one I find....

toobreathless Mon 07-Oct-13 15:24:39

Karma will bite her on the butt.

And you sound lovely.

brew cake

(YANBU)

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 07-Oct-13 15:26:29

Aargh. She just texted me AGAIN to say how wonderful her new baby sling is, and that her DS has slept beautifully in it while she has done the housework.

<Dismally surveys bomb site of house>

AIBU to ask her to come round and do MINE? grin

roundtable Mon 07-Oct-13 15:32:19

Yes get her to do yours! Op, as a mum of a fellow non sleeper, you have my sympathy.

If she's not normally like this I'd put it down to her wanting to share the joy. Keep up the realism, she'll join in eventually. grin

Zara my 3rd was easy for the first 4 weeks, we went on holiday with him and everything, he was no bother, mostly slept, fed well, was the only 1 of my 3 not to have a tongue tie, therefore not to be constantly vomiting back milk because of swallowing air with it... after DC1 who didn't sleep at all unless held upright for her first 3 months, and who brought up what appeared to be litres of breast milk, and DC2 who was a "normal" baby, easier than DC1 but woke frequently and also did the sick thing, I thought bah, 3 is easy...

Little did I know that after 4 weeks of age he was never planning to sleep again for TWO YEARS! shock

She is counting her chickens. You should suck your teeth and tut (when you read her texts not to her face) secure in the knowledge that she hasn't yet got a clue what may be around the corner...

Ragwort Mon 07-Oct-13 15:33:31

She sounds a really dull friend if she bothers to put that sort of stuff in a text - I'd get some new friends if I was you grin.

last paragraph was to *staycool btw - the parents of good sleepers who are smug about it are the most infuriating people on earth to parents who haven't slept through the night in 8 years months, but at only 2 weeks old she is still in the honeymoon period, it could so easily all go horribly wrong.

Also children who sleep very deeply and well and through the night from day dot are usually still in night nappies when they start school, and longer. grin OK not always, and it doesn't actually matter yadda yadda, but deep sleepers don't wake as easily at night, so just take comfort from the fact she'll be less smug and go a bit quiet on matters of night time dryness, which is also an area on which parents stealth boast and make others feel rubbish, when in fact it is not down to great parenting v poor, it is just nature.

MortifiedAdams Mon 07-Oct-13 15:37:12

TBH I find that when people are excessively vocal about how well their parenting/relationships/job/etc is going, its usually a smokescreen or through a lack of security.

Shes probably up every 30mins.

Pawprint Mon 07-Oct-13 15:41:34

Oh I know how you feel. Ds was the most appalling sleeper (or non sleeper) for a very long time. There was a woman at my post natal group who bragged about how much her baby slept. It broke my heart and I felt such a failure sad

Soon, however, the honeymoon period ended and she was at her wits end because the Perfect Baby became the most hellish toddler you have ever met.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 07-Oct-13 15:46:33

She's a sweet girl and I know she doesn't mean it maliciously, but there's definitely an undertone of 'this parenting malarkey is easy - don't know what SayCool is on about'....

I've been telling her for 2 years, i.e. how long Ive know her, all about how difficult it is, and how sleep deprived one can get etc etc and I feel like..... Whatever the opposite of vindicated is!

I'm pretty sure I'm not making any sense. I'll hand the phone to 6mo DS because he's not bloody going to sleep He'll make more sense.

Yawner247 Mon 07-Oct-13 15:47:25

Yanbu at all haaaaaate boastful parents.hmm..both my children have been terrible nappers max of thirty mins and waking through the night!!! Dd slept through from nine months and I'm hoping Ds follows this pattern too!!!

TheABC Mon 07-Oct-13 15:48:50

Definitely insecure. Her time will come. Personally, if had a sleeper like that, I would be on the sofa with the hobnobs - not doing the housework. YANBU.

TartyMcTart Mon 07-Oct-13 16:54:13

Two weeks in she's probably trying to put on a front about how well she's coping. For the first couple of months I put make up on every day just to look good and show I could cope

But you do know that some people can cope and actually don't find the first few weeks hell on earth? It wasn't a walk in the park for me but really not as bad as I'd have believed if I'd read some of the comments on here first!

Seriously2712 Mon 07-Oct-13 17:03:09

I just don't understand some people! My dd slept very well from about 6wks, but I've always been careful not to rub it in others' faces. The weeks when she didn't sleep well were horrendous, sleep deprivation is hell! All I know is hearing about how well others babies slept would've left me raging!!!! Plus... I've always been careful not to take her great sleeping for granted, she could change at any point! ;-)

Tarty but presumably you didn't text friends who had found it hard daily to tell them what a doddle it was for you? IMO the first months are easy or hard based 90% on whether you get a baby who sleeps and / or feeds well (assuming no health or PND issue) - in the first Weeks and months that is utterly luck of the draw.

Actually [slaps forehead] she's bored out of her mind with such a dull.sleepybaby isn't she - that's why she's texting you the minutia of her day!

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 07-Oct-13 17:45:25

MrTumbles grin That must be it!

My non-sleeping children are certainly never boring!

sayithowitis Mon 07-Oct-13 18:03:46

I've been telling her for 2 years, i.e. how long Ive know her, all about how difficult it is, and how sleep deprived one can get etc etc and I feel like..... Whatever the opposite of vindicated is!

If you spent two years telling her how hard motherhood is, I am not surprised she is telling you her experience of it. She may assume that you want to hear about her (so far) good experience as much as you assumed she wanted to hear about your difficult one.

TBH, I would just let it go - the chances are that at some point she will find some aspect of parenthood particularly challenging, possibly even a sleep regression. And then she may look to you for some support to get through it.

DoJo Mon 07-Oct-13 18:12:24

I agree dayithowitis - there is nothing more draining than somebody going on and on about how hard parenting is, particularly when you are pregnant. I got fed up with everyone making negative comments about it as though I had blithely gone into it with the belief that babies slept for 12 hours straight every night and were adorable angels the rest of the time.

Perhaps she wanted to tell you to shut up when you were banging on how she was setting herself up for a life of sleep deprivation whilst she was trying to enjoy her pregnancy and be excited about having a baby. Or maybe she is reassuring you that she is not finding it as hard as you seemed to think she would, and hoping that you will be pleased for her that she is, so far at least, coping well.

valiumredhead Mon 07-Oct-13 19:31:52

It's very early days...wink

strawberryswing Mon 07-Oct-13 19:47:54

You are so not beint unreasonable (well if you are then so am I!)

I have a friend who does exactly the same, shes a lovely person and yes I'm bitter and jealous but shes always putting on facebook how wonderfully her little girl has slept that night and that she's obviously doing everything right etc and her child is completely perfect (she probably is, shes adorable)

Im sure she is doing everything right, but I look at my 14 month old who has never slept a full night in her life and get all bitter and I read her.statuses and pics etc and feel like a total failure sad

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 07-Oct-13 20:00:36

Whoa there girls, I most certainly was not banging on about how hard motherhood was while she was pregnant! Sheesh!

I can see how that last post looked but that's not what I meant. I just meant that she met me while I was in the depths of sleep deprivation with DD, and then with DS, so clearly a lot of my bad parenting experience was shared with her. Also a lot of the good ones!

Puffinlover Mon 07-Oct-13 20:48:07

Good point MrTumbles. My DS1 (now 9) has always been a great and really deep sleeper. He was 4 before we could stop nappies at night as he just didn't wake. DS2 proved that I can take no credit for DS1s excellent sleeping. He is a very light sleeper, even now at 6 wakes me up most nights. But he was dry day and night by 2 and a half. No baby is perfect all round and things can change very quick. YANBU at all, just human!

pajamapants1 Mon 07-Oct-13 21:15:31

I've got a friend the same, I feel like laughing at her and telling her it will change when she least expects it! Dc2 used to be a lovely sleeper... Now he's up all bloody hours! Bet she won't be boasting then. wink

babybarrister Mon 07-Oct-13 21:41:37

Totally agree with poster who said it is firs.t rule of motherhood to STFU if you have the good sleeper. I only discovered years later than DS good friend slept through at 3 weeks or something when DS was still waking at 9 months ....

Now that is friendship!

Swimmyfishy Mon 07-Oct-13 22:25:43

My DD slept through from 4 weeks. I used to LOVE telling people that! They always answered along the lines of "you lucky thing", then I would tell them that not all was a bed of roses... DS 16mths at the time still woke several times at night!! Both perfect sleepers now though.

moanymandy Tue 08-Oct-13 07:46:23

yanbu!
My friend and I had babies bery close in age. mine was/is not a good sleeper. He woke every 2 hours during the night we struggled with naps when he was young he would inly sleep on me for a time.
Her baby was a dream slept through the night from a very early age and continues to be a great sleeper. Napped like an angel literally would sleep for hours ay a time.
BUT he can be the demon child!!!
I like ro think of it as karma!wink

SayCoolNowSayWhip Tue 08-Oct-13 07:56:52

Swimmyfishy, you used to LOVE telling people your DD slept through from 4 weeks? hmm

I bet your other sleep deprived mummy friends just loved that.

Swimmyfishy Tue 08-Oct-13 09:31:28

Saycool

You miss understood me! Yes i loved telling people my DD slept through from 4 weeks, but yet i WAS sleep deprived because my DS who is only a year older than DD was still waking... So at this time the baby was sleeping the toddler was not!

Swimmyfishy Tue 08-Oct-13 09:33:22

Erm misunderstood!

FrussoNeedsGin Tue 08-Oct-13 09:35:47

My ds (5mths) is a perfect sleeper; he only wakes up to feed. hmm at 11, 1, and 6 wink pass the matchsticks.

FrussoNeedsGin Tue 08-Oct-13 09:38:01

swimmyfish you've earnt it. Toddlers that don't sleep are horrendous, I have a 5yo that doesn't sleep you can't even feed them back to sleep.

Sunnysummer Tue 08-Oct-13 09:44:13

YANBU, although at least at 2 weeks (a) she can hardly take credit for it (or does she? If so dump her sorry smug self), and (b) you can chuckle knowingly at the many sleep regression milestones up ahead.

My least favourite are the ones who were lucky enough to make it to a year or more with no issues, and are forever giving helpful tips like 'you just need a better bedtime routine' or 'the trick is to start with Gina from birth'. Though at least they all seem to think again when they get a sleepless second child...

Frusso I agree - everyone sympathises with mums of small babies, makes allowances, expects them to be tired - mentioning that your 2 year old (or 5 year old - have a brew ) has woken every 2 hours, or more frequently some nights, every night for their entire life, and that in fact the mum of the newborn who only wakes twice a night is getting considerably more unbroken sleep than you, is considered in very poor taste for some reason, and those who are up 5 times a night to toddlers are expected to be helping out the mum of newborn and bustling about energetically, with no excuse for the pile of laundry and the unwashed dishes and haggered face confused hmm Not fair! grin

FrussoNeedsGin Tue 08-Oct-13 10:08:59

I know mrTBF it's odd isn't it. Because of my 5yr age gap between dc2 and dc3 I got a lot of "how will you cope woth going back to the sleepless nights" comment. Back? back! I haven't slept through in 8 years!

SayCoolNowSayWhip Tue 08-Oct-13 10:18:03

blush Sorry swimmyfishy. Although having a toddler AND a baby that don't sleep, I'd still feel a bit stabby that at least one of yours was sleeping! grin

Every bloody hour last night. Thanks DS. And up for the day at 5.45.

VeganCow Tue 08-Oct-13 10:44:44

She sounds so smug.
Also, she must know you have sleep deprivation issues, so why is she being so insensitive/
It's all swings and roundabouts though, so she will have issues where you do not...like down the line she may have feeding issues/teething/colic/school/kid marrying someone she hates etc.

SpecialJK Tue 08-Oct-13 10:57:24

YANBU op, but IME no one gets off scot free. I've yet to meet someone who didn't have sleep problems with their DC's at some point

Mimishimi Wed 09-Oct-13 05:16:09

My second was like that. He did start sleeping less at around 3-4 months. It was such a pleasant surprise after DD (who would also only sleep in 20 minutes snatches). However, in retrospect, we do wonder if it was an early warning sign for his quite significant speech disorder and less serious developmental motor delays. It's only been two weeks for her though...the adrenalin rush will wear off soon and he will start being less convenient.

To be fair, you should probably stop telling her how your son is sleeping if you have been. Are her Facebook posts aimed specifically at you?

kidinasweetshop Wed 09-Oct-13 05:48:34

Ahhhh I hear you. I had a non sleeping DS and 5 monthDd barely naps (no longer than 20 mins) and am currently up hourly with her.

However, she did sleep through in the early weeks which a) was nothing to do with me as I did nothing different second time around and b) all went to pot in the 4 month sleep regression.

So now it's just a waiting game grin.

Like a PP I also had some nights with a sleeping baby but an up all night toddler.

Now I'm just up all night!

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