To have 3 children sharing a bedroom?

(137 Posts)
fedupandexhausted Sun 06-Oct-13 18:29:10

My eldest had a friend to play on Friday and told her she felt sorry for her because she has to share with her sisters.

They do moan abit sometimes as one is tidier than the others but generally is ok. We only have one bathroom which isn't prob at the moment but may be in the future??

We could afford a larger house but have decided against due to costs and hassle.

But, this comment is niggling me.....Aibu?

fedupandexhausted Sun 06-Oct-13 18:29:59

They're 10, 9 and 7 btw

Madlizzy Sun 06-Oct-13 18:31:46

Yes, you are. It's very normal for kids to share bedrooms. My triplets shared a room for years, until DD was getting to an age where she needed her space away from the boys.

sonlypuppyfat Sun 06-Oct-13 18:32:47

Needs must and all that. I'd rather be a bit cramped than be in debt struggling with a big mortgage

redcaryellowcar Sun 06-Oct-13 18:32:48

I think bedroom sharing is fine, in fact we have a three bed house and once dc2is old enough I plan for him/ her to share with ds1 and have a small spare room, but because I like the idea of sharing rather than we need a spare room.
we have most of ds' toys downstairs which I suspect will continue so bedrooms are only for sleeping in, and there is space for that!

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 06-Oct-13 18:32:54

It really depends on the size of the room.

I shared with 2 of my sister and i loved it, it was the biggest room in the house so lots of space.

LouiseAderyn Sun 06-Oct-13 18:35:56

If your dc are happy with the arrangement then that is what matters. You are lucky they get on well though and I think as they get older they will probably want a bit more space.

peanutMD Sun 06-Oct-13 18:36:17

There are 8 years between my brother and i and we shared a room until i was 16, was never an issue.

frogspoon Sun 06-Oct-13 18:36:52

I think at age 10 your DD will be starting to go through puberty and will therefore need her own personal space.

It would be embarrassing for her e.g. to have her 7 yo sister asking what her sanitary towels and tampons are for.

If you can afford a house that will give her some personal space (and middle DD too in a years time) you should think about moving to a house that would give DDs their own bedrooms.

MinimalistMommi Sun 06-Oct-13 18:37:06

I loved sharing with my sister, and when we got separate rooms in our teens we ended up still sharing anyway.

If it helps, think of the room as a bed-room, literally a room with beds in it where sleep happens.

I think separate rooms are a luxury these days. Yes, it would be nice but it isn't a 'need' in my opinion.

SadBadMadFat Sun 06-Oct-13 18:38:59

me , 2 sisters and 2 brothers shared a bedroom till we left home. never a problem.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 06-Oct-13 18:40:14

I agree they probably won't enjoy sharing for many more years, as the eldest goes through puberty.

My dp's two sisters shared well into their teenage years and HATED eachither- as soon as they had their own rooms they were the best of friends! grin

Smartiepants79 Sun 06-Oct-13 18:40:44

Three children in one room is quite a lot but whether it is unreasonable depends on several things.
How big is it?
Are they happy sharing?
Have they all got a little bit of their 'own' space?
I think at their age there shouldn't be a problem but as they grow you may find it gets trickier. If you have no more space you have no more space!
At the end of the day there is nothing wrong with them all sharing. If it suits your family then you stick by your decision. You have no need to explain yourself to a 10 year old!

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 06-Oct-13 18:41:29

I think at age 10 your DD will be starting to go through puberty and will therefore need her own personal space.

There is the bathroom for thing like that.

MinimalistMommi Sun 06-Oct-13 18:44:46

I think the puberty thing is rubbish, so what?! Totally agree, what's wrong with getting changed in the bathroom?! And if it's about hormones, they'll still have hormones in the main family areas!!

fedupandexhausted Sun 06-Oct-13 18:54:30

The room is a large double with bunks and a single in. They each have a wardrobe with drawers at the bottom, a shelf and an underbed storage box each. They also share a bookcase and we've put a tv in there too. There's enough floor space for board games , playing etc.

I've tried to give them places for their tthings..... Looking at houses to get more rooms we'd lose a lovely large garden and driveway unless we want to max out on a mortgage

Dolallytats Sun 06-Oct-13 18:58:40

I shared with my three sisters until I left home. We didn't have any more rooms and my parents couldn't afford to move so tough!! Of course we argued, but most children do!!

looseleaf Sun 06-Oct-13 18:58:42

And are they happy sharing? As long as they're happy it sounds great to me. Mind you by 8 I was sharing with 12 girls I wasn't even related to! But I was happy with the sharing space and was until I was 17.

foxy6 Sun 06-Oct-13 18:58:48

my 3 ds shared a room until last year when we converted the attic so they we 15, 14, and 12 they have always shared. there is no problem with it.

soverylucky Sun 06-Oct-13 19:00:01

A bedroom each or an extra bedroom would be nice but it is not essential. I am wondering is sadbadmadfat is my sister because she has described my childhood....

MrsTedMosby Sun 06-Oct-13 19:11:21

I have three boys in one room (9 yo twins and 6 yo) and two in the other room (age 14 & 11)

I'm sure they'd love their own rooms, just as I'd love to be rich enough to afford it! I don't think it does them any harm. DH shared with his two brothers till he left home.

My 3 sharers have the biggest room as I figure they need more space than DH and I.

Flicktheswitch Sun 06-Oct-13 19:14:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fiverabbits Sun 06-Oct-13 19:25:25

I have never had my own BED never mind a bedroom, my bedroom at home was for me and my 3 sisters and I'm 61 years old. My DH had his own bedroom from age 17 till 20 when we got married but he never had a bathroom just a outside toilet. He is the youngest of 6 children.

SeaSickSal Sun 06-Oct-13 19:28:33

My OH shared a room with two of his brother's all his childhood and they all went to uni and got good jobs, etc, etc.

Actually they are incredibly close and all look after each other and I think that is partly a result.

Remotecontrolduck Sun 06-Oct-13 19:35:29

It's maybe not the best thing ever, I wouldn't have wanted to share because I really am a person that values my own space and privacy

However, I was never in the position where I had to share, or a situation where I knew no different. Ultimately, there's nothing actually wrong with them sharing as long as there aren't major fights. If it suits your kids, keep on as you are I reckon.

StarfishTrooper Sun 06-Oct-13 19:38:32

I really don't think it's a big deal to share with siblings. Plenty of families have done it for centuries.

After all, at boarding school you share dorms with kids you either may or may not like. I shared a dorm with five other girls. It wasn't very big...

usualsuspect Sun 06-Oct-13 19:41:14

It's not that big a deal,plenty of siblings have to share a bedroom.

Not everyone is in a position to extend or move.

stooshe Sun 06-Oct-13 19:41:46

Have I missed the memo/ Children sharing bedrooms is something that is potentially wrong, now? God cry!

mizu Sun 06-Oct-13 19:43:40

My two DDs will probably never have their own bedroom. We rent and hope to buy in a year or so but doubt we will ever be able to afford to have a 3 bed house.

Luckily they are very close in age.

bigkidsdidit Sun 06-Oct-13 19:46:24

We're moving next year and hoping to get a flat with fewer bedrooms, from a big house to a smaller flat, so we can live right by the seafront with a good school and a beautiful place rather than a soulless house. So we're choosing our boys to share. I am looking forward to it, I shared with my sister and liked it, I think it's lovely for siblings to share smile

BackforGood Sun 06-Oct-13 19:48:18

Well, to be fair, If I met someone who was sharing with two siblings, I too would feel sad for them (having had to share with my 2 sisters growing up, when it was a lot more common than it is now, and not liking it at all) but needs must and all that.
If you've only got the two bedrooms, then that's all you've got - it's not like you are making them share and then got a hobby room of some sort that could be used as a bedroom, I presume ? (If you have, then I think Y*A*BU wink)

MrsDeVere Sun 06-Oct-13 19:50:37

I had three in one room for quite a while.
The two little ones shared a double and the older one had the top single bunk.

That bed was fab until DS2 wrecked it sad

There is the problem. DS2 has SNs and it became much harder as he got older and stopped sleeping.

DS1 moved out so we put him in his own room.

But the arrangement worked very well for years.

I live in an ex council house in East London. I know lots of people who grew up round here and most of them shared rooms. Families were fairly large round this way.

I also have friends who think its a form of abuse for a child not to have their own bedroom but they are usually the ones who think second hand clothes are skanky and non branded trainers are embarrassing.

Having your own bedroom is nice but it not essential.

jasminerose Sun 06-Oct-13 19:51:15

They will probably grow up and be best of friends as so close now. Dont worry.

bigTillyMint Sun 06-Oct-13 19:51:51

I don't think it's a big deal - if you haven't got the space, then needs must. I'm guessing it's a 2-bedroomed place you have?

It might become more of an issue when they are all teens.

SummerHoliDidi Sun 06-Oct-13 19:52:58

I shared with my brother and sister til I was 11 and then we converted the loft for my brother. I then carried on sharing with my sister til I left home at 18. Apart from the year I shared with grandma and brother shared with sister, that was my least favourite year.

We quite liked sharing, it was fun having someone to talk to.

HerrenaHarridan Sun 06-Oct-13 20:02:50

Y'know, I loved being an only child

Hth grin

Our three, 5yo ds, 3yo dd and 18month old ds share a bedroom (the master bedroom). It works really well!

festered Sun 06-Oct-13 20:15:15

I would say if they're happy that's the most important thing. If as she gets older, the oldest wants some space then rethink but she may never do, depends on what your children are like personally.

I think I would have hated to share a room as a child but that's an opinion of an only child!Had I been accustomed to that and had brothers/sisters I reckon I could have been quite happy, a lot of my friends always were. smile

randomAXEofkindness Sun 06-Oct-13 20:18:03

It would be embarrassing for her e.g. to have her 7 yo sister asking what her sanitary towels and tampons are for.

I suppose this would depend on the family. My 4 year old already knows what tampons and sanitary towels are because she comes into the bathroom with me. I think I'd feel like I'd gone wrong somewhere if she was embarrassed about anything like that. Same goes for getting changed - I can't imagine siblings feeling the need to hide their bodies from each other unless they'd learned to be ashamed of themselves.

I am drawn towards sharing. We're sociable animals, I can't believe we'd thrive better alone in little boxes.

Maybe her little guest said that because she has a poor relationship with her own siblings.

ringaringarosy Sun 06-Oct-13 20:21:32

why would youhave to explain what sanitary towels are to a 7 yr old?surely they would know?why make it into an embarrassing thing?my 3 yr old knows what they are for!

ringaringarosy Sun 06-Oct-13 20:22:22

oh and my 3 eldest,who are 3 4 and 5,all have seperate rooms but choose to sleep in the same one every night!

I have a friend who has 5 children in a 2 bedroom house. The baby's in the parents' room but the elder four (a girl and 3 boys) share a room. When the baby's old enough she'll go in the children's room too; they have a triple bunk and a normal set of bunk beds.

So I wouldn't worry about having 3 sharing! grin

WilsonFrickett Sun 06-Oct-13 20:23:46

YANBU at all. Why stretch yourselves financially just so DCs can have a room each? I do think, however, if there's any way of adding a bathroom to your house you should do it. I don't fancy your chances of getting three teenage girls plus two adults through one bathroom and out the door every morning without world war three on a daily basis grin

I would prioritise that over separate bedrooms tbh.

MiaowTheCat Sun 06-Oct-13 20:25:15

My two are going to have to share a room for the indefinite future. House is currently unsellable really till the market picks up here and the HS2 wrangling is sorted out... small age gap at least. Just means that downstairs is going to have to be the room most of the toy and play stuff goes on in and the bedroom is really going to have to be for sleeping which is no real hardship anyway.

If people have a problem with it - well they can pay the costs of a larger house for us or shut the hell up.

foreverondiet Sun 06-Oct-13 20:27:47

I think fine for the girls to share - esp as quite close in age. Don't agree necessarily need privacy at puberty - thats what bathroom is for, and anyway, only 3 years between oldest and youngest, might be different say 3 girls aged 10,5 and 1.

However, I would guess that all three of them would prefer, all things being equal, their own rooms. My DD has her own room (she has two little brother) and she would easily say either of:

a) I feel sorry for you as you have to share with your little sisters
b) I am very jealous of you as I only have 2 little (annoying) brothers

Don't read into the comment.

My two share (ds and dd) - they could have separate bedrooms - I like them sharing and they like sharing. When they get older, we will revisit the arrangements but ok for now.

BergholtStuttleyJohnson Sun 06-Oct-13 20:43:47

Of course yanbu! Nothing wrong with siblings sharing a room at all. I never had my own room, I shared with each of my siblings at some point but from age 6 or so mostly just shared with my younger sister, she's two years younger so I hit puberty before her, wasn't an issue at all. She already knew about puberty anyway. We shared until I left home at 19. I love her to bits, she's my best friend. We had the option of having separate rooms in our teens after older siblings moved out but we chose to share.

LoveWine Sun 06-Oct-13 20:51:29

It would be embarrassing for her e.g. to have her 7 yo sister asking what her sanitary towels and tampons are for.

Isn't the bathroom whee you keep sanitary towels and tampons? Surely, that's where you change them as well. Is that's the case why does it make a difference if two girls share a room? I shared a room with my brother until I left for university! never had a problem or felt the need to be embarrassed.

Jan49 Sun 06-Oct-13 21:19:46

I'd be interested to know why you had 3 dc when you only have one bedroom for them, or did you circumstances change? You say you've decided against a larger house due to cost, but did you consider the practicalities and costs when you chose to have 3 dc?

I grew up as one of 3 dc sharing a room with my elder sister and I hated it. I wondered why my parents had 3 of us when IMO they didn't have enough space. It caused particular problems when I reached my teens and it became clear that I could no longer fit a junior single bed but the room could barely fit 2 singles. My parents ended up switching bedrooms with me and my sister as the alternative was for my sister and me to have the beds in the room with the door jammed permanently open - no space to close it - or the beds so close together that to walk across the room you had to climb over beds. (I'm not sure if bunk beds existed then). I remember my mum being quite unhappy about the situation.

I shared til I went to uni and vowed I'd never have a child I didn't have a bedroom for. In fact I only had one child. But of course, if it works for your dc, then that's

frogspoon Sun 06-Oct-13 21:25:12

Isn't the bathroom whee you keep sanitary towels and tampons? Surely, that's where you change them as well. Is that's the case why does it make a difference if two girls share a room? I shared a room with my brother until I left for university! never had a problem or felt the need to be embarrassed.

Depends on your home. We always had a small bathroom with not enough cupboard space for sanitary protection, so it was always kept in our own bedrooms (this also avoided the issue of who stole the last sanitary towel!)

I can see how if these were kept in the bathroom this would not be an issue at all, but if they are kept in the bedroom, an insecure pre-teen may be a little sensitive about it.

Do your currently have a quiet space to do homework that is separate from play area? When oldest DD goes into secondary school, she will likely be spending an hour or two on homework and will need a quiet place where she is not disturbed by happily playing younger DDs who have finished their shorter amount of work.

I have four of my five DCs still living at home, and we have a 3 bed semi. When my pfb also lived here, we had 2 teenage boys in one room (and pfb's fiancee for about 6 months until they got their own place too), my no3 son and DD in the 6ft square box room, and no4 son in my room in a cotbed until he was five confused although he usually ended up in with me.
Once pfb (and fiancee) moved out, we moved no3 and no4 son in with teenage no2 son - they have bunks and a single, and DD has the box room to herself. She was reaching the age where she needed her own space so the boys had to share.
Now they are 19, almost 9 and almost 7, and DD is 11 and it works for us - well, it has to work, there is nowhere else for any of them to go until the Glorious Day no2 son manages to get himself a place of his own, and who knows when that will be, given the current economic situation confused

havatry Sun 06-Oct-13 21:31:44

I'm guessing you didn't share as a dc - but could be wrong.

I shared with two sisters then one.

TBH it was fine up to about age 10, then awful. People just need a bit of privacy. It's nothing in particular, just time on your own.

If you can possibly change things, I would. It's a bit like - imagine you now - could you share a room with a work colleague or friend for any length of time? Me, I couldn't. It would be incredibly stressful.

It's the same when you're a teen. It's just your space. Which it isn't when there are other people in it.

Byebyebucket Sun 06-Oct-13 21:31:48

I have 4 boys who share .... We have two sets of bunk beds in the room ... I never worry about it and it bugs me that people make comments about how children should have their own room.... I once questioned it after being worn down by comments and then i watched a documentary about families in Indonesia where large families were living in tin shacks ... That soon put it into perspective again .... They are loved and happy and have a roof over their heads ... Life happens outside of where they get a good night sleep and I don't over analyse it.....

Byebyebucket Sun 06-Oct-13 21:31:48

I have 4 boys who share .... We have two sets of bunk beds in the room ... I never worry about it and it bugs me that people make comments about how children should have their own room.... I once questioned it after being worn down by comments and then i watched a documentary about families in Indonesia where large families were living in tin shacks ... That soon put it into perspective again .... They are loved and happy and have a roof over their heads ... Life happens outside of where they get a good night sleep and I don't over analyse it.....

youarewinning Sun 06-Oct-13 21:33:10

Well my sisters 3 years younger than me and started her period before me - so not sure of relevance of that argument!

We did have separate rooms though. We shared until I was 11yo and we moved from a 3 to a 4 bed. My brothers 4 years younger than my sister. Most of my cousins shared and I was jealous!

imip Sun 06-Oct-13 21:34:30

I have three sharing, dds 6, 5, and 3. They love it and it works for is. Dd1 is 20 months and shares with us. We have a 4br house, but (so far) we are all happy this way....

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 06-Oct-13 21:37:59

I guess you have to ask yourself where your priorities lie. While your DDs are happy then YANBU

However, if your DDs become unhappy with the situation will you move or will you prioritise cost and hassle over your DDs' happiness?

IMO it doesnt matter how many posters shared bedrooms it is down to whether your DDs are happy.

bettykt Sun 06-Oct-13 21:44:07

I think sharing is fine, but rather than moving and losing your garden and drive could you possibly convert the loft or have a double storey extension? Cheaper than moving.......

5madthings Sun 06-Oct-13 21:51:42

Yambu it's fine, we have five in a three bed, at the moment ds1 and ds2 share, and ds3 and ds4 share and dd is in with us.

At some point we will swop rooms so dd goes in with ds3 and ds4. We also have the option of extemding into the loft and there is space downstairs to extend, we'll, a sort of utility room that we may make into a bedroom, but all are happy.

Interestingly my ds4 went to a friends the other day and was horrified that his friend slept in a room in his won' ds4 thought that was really sad and offered to become his twin so they could share a room grin

It just depends on the individual family.

My sister and I and a room each but often chose to share.

foreverchanging Sun 06-Oct-13 21:52:13

My 3 DDs share (7, 5 and 2). We live in a 2 bedroom house so they have to. It's not ideal but such is life.

jasminerose Sun 06-Oct-13 21:58:45

I have shared with my my brother, 16 girl rooms in work and lived in bunk beds in a 1 bed with my best friend. None of that irritated me tbh.

misdee Sun 06-Oct-13 21:59:04

We have 6 children in a 3 bed house. 3 girls in one room (13,11 and 7)
2 girls (4 and 1) and ds (2years) in the other. The girls room as a triple (3 high) bunk. Lots of space in that room. younger children's bedroom has a small bunk and cot in it.

When older, if needed, dh and I will go for a decent sofa bed in the lounge, and the children will go in twos.

ATM it's not an issue, as even the teenager loves sharing a bedroom. She recently hurt her ankle and couldn't climb to the top bunk easily, so topped and tailed with dd3 on the bottom bunk for two nights. Found them asleep together looking sweet.

embracethemuffintop Sun 06-Oct-13 22:00:22

I had my own room, and my twin brothers shared. I desperately wanted to share with them but wasn't allowed for some reason. I also used to complain that everyone in the family got to sleep with someone else, but I was all alone. In the end, they put a sofabed in my brothers room and I was in there with them most nights. It was fun! As an adult I loathe sleeping alone - I co-sleep and I am not comfortable unless I have lots of people in bed with me. My 13 yo is the complete opposite. She has always needed her own space so has her own room. I say it is only a problem if your kids see it as a problem.

SaucyJack Sun 06-Oct-13 22:00:41

I think it's down to the individual personalities involved.

My DD1 is a veryh poor sleeaper and my younger DD really suffers as a result.

However, I know friends who have 3 or 4 sharing a room with very little trouble.

YouHaveAGoodPoint Sun 06-Oct-13 22:05:44

I don't see a problem with it as long as the kids are close'ish in age. It might be more tricky as they get older with homework but it's still ok with a bit of thought.
We have always had more bedrooms than kids but our kids always choose to share up until they were teens

misdee Sun 06-Oct-13 22:06:42 One of these will be our homework solution.

WahIzzit Sun 06-Oct-13 22:08:22

I grew up in a three bed terraced, dparents in 1, dbrother the spoilt one in 1, and I shared the largest bedroom (it was pretty huge tbh) with my 3 dsisters and 1dbrother shock its amazing thinking back to how we did it. Was so much fun though, talking and playing games all night and dm shouting 'get to sleep' grin
We had my lovely late dgrandad in with us too at one point as he was unwell and moved in with us! Then one by one everyone moved out. Youngest dsis however disliked sharing so had her own room as soon as one was available. I think its a good idea to ask your dc what they want. You may choose to get a bigger house but they may still prefer to share rooms!

It DEFINITELY made us a closer family. When going back to my dparents, my dsisters and I still try and squeeze in 1 room to sleep. Bit difficult now though with dc of our own but they love it too!

misdee Sun 06-Oct-13 22:16:22

When we had less children, dd1 had her own room for a while. And never slept in it!

CointreauVersial Sun 06-Oct-13 22:24:03

I don't see any problem with 2, 3 or 4 sharing, as long as there is a big enough room.

I shared with 17 others in a big dormatory at boarding school between the ages of 11 and 14.

My DDs have a room each, but bunk up together every weekend, as they miss each other!

ToTheTeeth Sun 06-Oct-13 22:28:31

Puberty isn't just about periods. hmm She needs space to sulk, cry, wank, think. I think learning to be alone and having somewhere to go when you need to be alone is very important for adolescents.

You say you could afford an extra bedroom so I think you are being unreasonable to cram your kids in together to avoid "hassle".

sarahtigh Sun 06-Oct-13 22:35:50

I was eldest of 5 in 3 bed house until went to uni at 18, still had to share in hols though, it was fine still friends etc with my sisters

as you have 3 DD instead of 2 bed house you would need 4 beds so they each have a room a 3 bed would still mean 2 sharing on a permanent basis it sounds like each has enough space provided elsewhere in house there is a table for quiet homework

at home we did homework in dining room while mum and dad kept 2 youngest occupied in living room until they went to bed at about 7.30-8pm

so long as eldest will have quiet place away from TV and noisy younger siblings its fine I can't see that a bigger house with parents worrying about money all the time is healthier, I believe in being straight with kids and just saying we can't afford it

souperb Sun 06-Oct-13 22:44:01

If moving or creating more bedrooms is not feasible, why worry about the issue?

Some people need their own space and others are happy to live like a pile of hamsters. If changing the situation is possible, then see what sort of people your DDs are. There is nothing wrong with kids sharing bedrooms if either they need to or they like it. But the opinion of a DC's friend is no reason to change anything substantial.

NicknameIncomplete Sun 06-Oct-13 22:48:16

It is all about respect and consideration.

If one needs time alone the others respect that & find something else to do.

If one of them is doing homework the others have to respect that & leave them to it.

I dont see the problem with kids sharing.

TheBuskersDog Sun 06-Oct-13 22:55:04

I must admit I am quite surprised how many people on here have what would be considered large families (i.e. more than 3 children) in relatively small houses.

I know just for sleeping you can have four children in a room in bunks, but surely it gets very cramped in the communal rooms and it must be very difficult for anyone to have space to be alone e.g to work, listen to music or read in peace. I mean generally the more bedrooms a house has, the greater the number and size of other rooms, not to mention toilets, as they are designed to accommodate more people.

MrsDeVere Sun 06-Oct-13 23:08:31

It doesn't

OttilieKnackered Sun 06-Oct-13 23:09:00

I shared with two sisters til I was 12. I bloody hated it. I think the idea of an automatic idyllic closeness between siblings can be naive. It will obviously work for some, but I think if you can provide personal space, then you should do so.

I remember being achingly jealous of friends with their own rooms before I got one, and never quite getting over the joy of having my own room until I left home. I also used to question my parents' wisdom in having another child when they were only living in a two bedroom house.

I always wonder if the massive advocates of sharing had to share themselves. With separate rooms there is always the option of being alone if wanted/needed with just as much possibility of sharing time and experiences if that is desired.

jessieagain Sun 06-Oct-13 23:09:14

I remember being so jealous of a childhood friend who got to share a room with her 2 sisters. It was so much fun at their place!

MrsDeVere Sun 06-Oct-13 23:09:55

This is England. 6 bedroom houses have one bathroom!

My 3 bed has two receptions a large kitchen and two bathrooms. Plus a decent size garden.

MrsDeVere Sun 06-Oct-13 23:10:55

I had to share.
I don't think children sharing room is so awful that it should stop you having a child.


Xmasbaby11 Sun 06-Oct-13 23:15:02

I wouldn't have 3 children if we they had to share a bedroom, though 2 is probably ok until around the age of 10. I do think it's important to have some privacy.

Ragwort Sun 06-Oct-13 23:23:19

Personally I would think it would be hard, but then I am in the fortunate position of never having had to share a bedroom - and even now I usually sleep separately to my DH grin. I hate sharing bedrooms, if I go away with my mum or a girlfriend I would always insist on a single room! I am a very poor sleeper and find it hard to get to sleep if someone else is in the same room.

My DS is an only child so has never had to share but he enjoys sharing at sleepovers and when he goes away on PGL, camps that sort of thing.

To me, privacy is very, very important - children need somewhere quiet to do homework/hobbies etc in peace but then everyone is different smile

cestlavielife Sun 06-Oct-13 23:35:06

if you happy and they happy it's no big deal.
if you have a big garden you could install a nice big year round garden room/garden office for around 10,000 as homework space etc - might be cheaper than moving costs.

TheBuskersDog Mon 07-Oct-13 00:02:17

This is England. 6 bedroom houses have one bathroom!

If I was buying a 6 bedroom house because I needed 6 bedrooms I would want more than one bathroom, if I didn't need all the bedrooms I would turn one into another bathroom.

CointreauVersial Mon 07-Oct-13 00:12:49

Even though my DCs now have a bedroom each, they are rarely in their rooms during the day.

VenusDeWillendorf Mon 07-Oct-13 00:16:33

Move house, get them their own rooms.

Fwiw play dates are a nightmare if friends are all sharing rooms with siblings.
I never let my dd for eg go to a house where a sister shares with an older brother (two of my Dds friends share with older brothers 12 yo) the boys are all going through puberty, and the girls are subjected to comments.

I think it's very irresponsible to have so many kids with too little room for them. They need their own space. Kids are not battery hens.

I never had a room or any space to myself when I was growing up and I hated sharing. One sister was in her own room and the next two shared the box room- it was awful. The sister I shared with was very messy and it was a nightmare when studying.

Move to a bigger house- even if the bedrooms are all box rooms, it's a better solution than making them share.

jellybeans Mon 07-Oct-13 00:20:49

YANBU. My 3 DS will share when DS goes in with brothers. Biggest room and triple bunks and it is fine. My 2 DDs share too. They sometimes argue but on the whole are fine. We have the smallest room. We would rather stay where we are in a great location than move. Own rooms are a luxury and generally only happen in smaller families. Most people with 4 or 5 kids would have some sharing.

PeppiNephrine Mon 07-Oct-13 00:23:58

Yeah, Op, just move house. Cos its that easy. hmm

YABU to listen to the shit other people come out with, on here and in real life. Most of them either haven't got a clue what they are talking about anyway. These ridiculous comments about how you can't have kids sharing in case one of them sees tampons belonging to another...what planet do they live on?

Live your life, and pay no attention to what anyone else thinks.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 07-Oct-13 00:26:26

I shared with my 2 sisters until we moved we would have been about 14, 11 and 8 or thereabouts.
It was good sometimes but it was good to have own space eventually.
I can't say it was bad growing up though, most of the time it was good fun sharing and we got up to all sorts of mischief, had pillow fights, chatted till late, etc.

Butwilliseeyouagain Mon 07-Oct-13 00:32:37

I shared and loathed the lack of personal space one I was a teenager. Fucking loathed it. For me it's really important my dc have their own room.

vole3 Mon 07-Oct-13 05:39:42

I shared a bedroom with my parents until I was 10 when the youngest of my brothers left home. Prior to that, they had shared with a single and a pair of bunk beds in the other bedroom.
That arrangement also worked for my half-siblings, the only difference being my half sister slept on a sofa bed in the lounge until she married and moved out as by then my brothers were toddlers and were in with my parents.

It literally was a case of 1 in, 1 out for a decade.

ThePost Mon 07-Oct-13 05:47:52

I presume most of the posters in relationships share a room with their DP without issue?
Children sharing a bedroom is not a big deal, OP.

mirai Mon 07-Oct-13 05:59:23

If you only have one bedroom, how long would you keep a DC in the room with you? In other words, how old would DC need their own room and thus you'd need to move?

jasminerose Mon 07-Oct-13 06:43:29

Sleeping on your own is horrible. All 4 if us often sleep in the same room in our place.

bigkidsdidit Mon 07-Oct-13 06:47:41

Study space is important though, I think, especially quiet space in secondary school. We're planning to move when ds1 is 13 ish so they can have separate rooms; if that turns out not to e possible we'll have to put a desk somewhere to make a study space for him.

Nothing wrong with siblings sharingsmile

I remember growing up in a 5 bedroom large house, but guess what me and my bro & sis prefered to all sleep in the same room although we had the choice of our own rooms.
I have 4 dc and 3 of them choose to share one room although i have 3 bedrooms as they love to play and spend time togethersmile

Moral of the story don't get into debt, i'm sure they are happy enough!

gemdrop84 Mon 07-Oct-13 06:56:35

If they're happy sharing so be it! And if you don't have anymore rooms what can you do?! I shared with my 2 sisters, Im the eldest. It was fine until I got to about 12 then it was hell. They were messy, used to take my stuff, I really hated not having any privacy whatsoever. I think I was the only one at uni that didn't get homesick! Loved having my own room, it was bliss after sharing for so long.

jasminerose Mon 07-Oct-13 06:58:19

Surely there is loads of quiet time? There always us in here no one is going to be all in all the time.

MrsMook Mon 07-Oct-13 06:58:37

We've put two beds in DS1's new bedroom so sharing is an option even though it's not necessary.
Most of the DNs have shared rooms for a few years while growing up through choice. DH was 1 of 5 in a 3 bed house so the 3 boys had one room and 2 girls in another.
My cousins had 3 in one and 1 in the box room until they had an extension when the oldest was 15. I loved staying with them and being 4 in a room.

PicardyThird Mon 07-Oct-13 07:28:07

OP, going back to your earlier post about having to sacrifice a big garden if you moved - that would clinch it for me - I would pick big garden over one room each for the dc any day.

My two (8 and 6) share. It's easy IMO because of small age gap and same gender (both boys). We don't have an option for them not to share, but I don't think they would take it if we did, tbh. I would suspect the main issue wrt sharing comes when age gaps are significant (by that I mean 5y+).

5madthings Mon 07-Oct-13 07:37:48

Fwiw play dates are a nightmare if friends are all sharing rooms with siblings.I never let my dd for eg go to a house where a sister shares with an older brother (two of my Dds friends share with older brothers 12 yo) the boys are all going through puberty, and the girls are subjected to comments.

well you sound lovely ...not. the issue of 'comments' as you put it, from older brothers, is to do with parenting not the fact they share a room.

fwiw kids enjoy coming to ours to play as its fun and i often have more than one child round. my elder children (14 and 11) are very good with younger children, their siblings and their friends.

making crappy generalisations and judgements doesnt do anyone any favours.

and re house being cramped, no our living room is the length of the housr, we have a dining room as well and its big enough for a big table that we all sit round to eat as well as space for pc unit etc. we also have conservatory and front and back gardens.

the idea that children should have one bedroom each is a very new idea. and most people round the world would laugh at the idea that own bedrooms are an essential.

jasminerose Mon 07-Oct-13 07:46:36

Even with large gaps picardi it doesnt matter. Its how you bring up your kids its down to the parents whether your kids grow up best friends or arch enemies, whatever the size of your house.

Mimishimi Mon 07-Oct-13 08:08:00

We gave our two children the master bedroom upstairs in our flat. We could comfortably fit two or three more up there. grin It's nice to hear thrm chat each other to sleep.

Trigglesx Mon 07-Oct-13 09:25:29

I see no problem with children sharing a room. I shared a room with at least one of my sisters until I was 16yo (at which point my older sisters were all off at university or living on their own, leaving just myself and my younger sister to have a room each). I enjoyed sharing a room, and honestly it just never occurred to me to complain about it or have a problem with it. It's just the way it was.

I am a bit disappointed to see all the people actually making unkind comments about how parents are irresponsible or horrible for having more children than bedrooms. Children can share, it's not generally a trauma. It's GOOD for children to learn to co-exist with people. Sure, there are ups and downs, but as long as the parents are making sure that groundrules are set, then it's just not a problem.

Personally I think the whole idea of "every child should have their own room" is over precious. How much time are they actually holed up in their room for heaven's sake that it's such an issue? They're in school during the day (except on the weekend), eating meals in morning and night, and even though they're in their rooms at night, they're asleep. So maybe a few hours a day tops. My sister and I had no problems both doing our homework in our room at the same time - we both liked music when we studied, but different types of music. That's what headphones are for. If one of us felt we needed privacy, the other could easily do homework in the living room, family room, or at the dining room table. There was always SOMEWHERE in the house to go for a bit of quiet.

I'd quite happily have DS1 and DS2 share a room together (they're 7yo and 4yo), however due to DS1's disabilities, it's impossible. I was actually sad over that, as I think they would have enjoyed sharing a room - I remember it quite fondly from when I was a child (and teenager).

PatoBanton Mon 07-Oct-13 09:29:26

It sounds pretty ok to me OP - we have two bedrooms, I share the big one with ds2 (in his cabin bed) and ds3 (in my bed)

Ds1 has his own room, he is 10 - I think this is more important if the age gaps are large as they don't have so much in common and the little ones would really get in his way.

We will have to look at moving at some point because of this. But your three sound very close in age and interests so that sounds fine to me.

PatoBanton Mon 07-Oct-13 09:30:03

I should say mine are 10, 6 and 9mo.

jellybeans Mon 07-Oct-13 10:02:50

Mine have had loads of sleepovers and friends seem to love coming over. in fact I have parents ringing and asking if their kids can come over/sleepover again. As for study space, eldest DD can study in my room if she wants to get away from the others!

mandi73 Mon 07-Oct-13 10:29:56

By next March my 3 girls will be sharing a bedroom, they'll be 16, 7 and 1. We have a 3 bed house and 3 girls, 1 boy. My eldest keeps asking her brother to get a job and move out smile
But they'll survive, they all have their own area in the room.....well the baby doesn't yet.
And they'll just have to learn to be tidy hahaha
Could be worse I could've had twins smile

PinkStarStuck Mon 07-Oct-13 11:40:59

I have 3 that actually choose to share, I was rather skeptical tbh, but they actually sleep better all in one room.

We have other space in the house for play or quite time.

If you posted on the 'credit crunch' board and asked if you should stretch yourself with a much bigger mortgage people would be telling you to stay put and manage.

5madthings Mon 07-Oct-13 12:29:36

when we went on holiday the house we rented had enough rooms so that only two had to share, my boys were fighting over who would share as they didnt want to be in a room on their own!

TombOfMummyBeerest Mon 07-Oct-13 13:39:47

Kids are supposed to share. Makes sense to start with their room.

My sister and I shared a room when we lived in a smaller house, and sometimes a bed. Even when we had our own rooms we'd sleep together in the bed from time to time. And we fought. But we'd still share.

I only have one DD at the moment, and she sleeps in my room with DH and me (albeit in her own crib). It's nice to wake up to both of them.

Ragwort Mon 07-Oct-13 13:58:32

'Sleeping on your own is horrible' - only in your opinion jasmine, as I said earlier, I can't even sleep in the same room as my husband grin.

BackforGood Mon 07-Oct-13 15:07:09

Even with large gaps picardi it doesnt matter. Its how you bring up your kids its down to the parents whether your kids grow up best friends or arch enemies, whatever the size of your house.

What a load of tosh.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Mon 07-Oct-13 15:19:04

I shared with my dsis until my dbro left home when I was 16! It was the norm back in my daygrin

My dses used to share but one now has the box room. They are quieter at bedtime being separate and as one is much more untidy that the other, they like having their own space to do as they choose.

All that we lost on giving them separate rooms was a junk room though. We wouldn't have paid to move or extend so they could have their own space, it costs too much.

I don't think sharing is a big deal at all really.

fifi669 Mon 07-Oct-13 15:45:01

I used to share bunk beds with my older brother and then later shared with one sister and then two. We were 16, 13, and 10 (the girls) by the time this ended. We had the master bedroom, a single bed for me and bunk beds for them.

It's left us with great memories, we'd all chat away in bed, hear my dads creaky knees and fall silent. Except the youngest who'd make it obvious my doing a pretty poor denoting impression! Christmas was especially good, opening stockings together etc.

That's not to say we didn't fight, of course we did!

Separate bedrooms are far from essential, though I must agree with an earlier post, somewhere to study is. If it's likely they'll all be hanging out in the room as opposed to the front room etc then you really could do with a little study or something.

fifi669 Mon 07-Oct-13 15:45:43

Denoting = snoring

jasminerose Mon 07-Oct-13 17:02:31

Why backforgood? Your size of your house has very little to do with how happy a family is. Whether your house is big or small if the children are brought up to be family orientated then they usually remain close imo

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 07-Oct-13 18:19:14

If you can't really afford a nice house with enough bedrooms then they will have to keep on sharing. Don't give it anymore thought.

BackforGood Mon 07-Oct-13 18:36:26

jasminerose - nothing to do with house sizes or sharing a bedroom, I agree, but all children are born with their own personalities.

My eldest 2 (who get on like a house on fire now they are 17 and 15) would have killed each other if they'd had to share. They have fought for the first 14 yrs of dd's life. However, same family, same parents, same upbringing- I also have dc3, who doesn't fight with either of them. If it were all down to parenting, then of course none of them would have fought with each other.
If you are ("one" is) lucky enough to have calm / placid / get on with everyone type children, then you probably claim it is your great parenting, in the same way that those who have babies who are great sleepers or children who are great eaters think it's all about the parenting.
Parenting does contribute to the overall child, but there's a healthy does of being the person you are born in there too, or of course all siblings would be alike wouldn't they ?

jasminerose Mon 07-Oct-13 18:39:14

I wasnt thinking of myself when I said that. I was thinking of my parents who knew just how to make my brother and I grow up to be best friends and tell each other everything close types. My parents always stressed how important it was, so we grew up with their values.

Trigglesx Mon 07-Oct-13 19:09:43

BackforGood as I had 3 sisters, I shared at one time with my younger sister (by 6 years) and then with my older sister (by 2 years). My older sister and I fought constantly. When my parents put us together to share a bedroom, they basically said "you will need to learn to get along." We did. We learned to compromise and although there was some fighting here and there, it did improve our relationship. My parents were very strict. I didn't even consider complaining - you just deal with it. That's life, hey. I am glad we shared the room.

ringaringarosy Mon 07-Oct-13 19:25:02

backforgood maybe the reason they fought like cat and dog is because they didnt share?probably made them worse.

QueenofKelsingra Mon 07-Oct-13 19:35:00

currently DS1 has his own room and DTs share. We are hoping to have another which will mean either DTD1 in her own room and DS1,2 &3 in together or DS1 and 2 in one and DDs 1 and 2 in the other depending on the gender of DC4!!

The bigger room is master bedroom size (easily fit super kingsize bed plus other furniture) so plenty big enough IMO for 3 boys if need be. If we end up with 2 DSs and 2 DDs the girls would get the bigger room and the boys in bunks in the smaller (good sized single) room.

that said, we do have a playroom, which will become their study room so they are not short on space if they need it. bedrooms would only be for sleeping and quiet time sulking

OP I definitely wouldn't give up a good garden for individual rooms, safe play space is more important IMO.

jasminerose Mon 07-Oct-13 19:50:01

I agree triggles about the learning to get along. My mum and dad always used to say how important siblings were, and my brother and I do everything together even now despite a 4 year gap.

whois Mon 07-Oct-13 19:54:08

By next March my 3 girls will be sharing a bedroom, they'll be 16, 7 and 1

Wow, really? I think that's really shit for the 16 year old actually. Where will she study? What about when she wants to get ready to go to a party or to a friends house but the baby is asleep? Or have friends round? Or even have any of her space at all.

I think you should share with the baby and leave the two older girls together. Quite selfish really.

ALittleStranger Mon 07-Oct-13 20:16:15

Yep I agree with the previous poster. A 16, 7 and 1 year old in one room is very, very, unreasonable. That poor 16 year old.

amicissimma Mon 07-Oct-13 20:30:21

" A 16, 7 and 1 year old in one room is very, very, unreasonable."

Wow! First world problem!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit Mon 07-Oct-13 20:36:02

Shit for the 16 year old, presumably the 1 year old will still be waking in the fairly regularly? Why not just keep the one year old in your bedroom?

ALittleStranger Mon 07-Oct-13 20:40:54

Yes and look around you amicissimma, I'm guessing you live in the first world. First world problems are problems here.

Oh well, your kids, your family's loss. But no child of mine etc. Seriously, I think it's shitty. And selfish of their parents, the baby doesn't stay with them but their near-adult daughter has to suffer? Nice!

livinginwonderland Mon 07-Oct-13 20:43:38

Pretty much everything on MN is a first world problem hmm

stopprocrastinating Mon 07-Oct-13 20:50:29

My mum grew up sharing a bedroom with her two sisters. She shared till she got married. Mum always enjoyed the company and it was the norm then (1950s). I think it's okay, but perhaps standards have changed?

5madthings Mon 07-Oct-13 21:14:59

I think age wise it could be a problem, I have 14 and 11 yr olds in one room and 8 and 5 year olds in another, that works fine but I wouldn't put a baby and one is a baby, in a too, with a teen.

Akray Mon 07-Oct-13 21:17:25

Have 5DC. Baby in with me and DH. Other 4 have their own rooms with king size / super king beds and by choice, 3DD share a bed in one room - ages 11, 5 and 3 - they just seem to like snuggling up at night. DS has always liked his own space (age 8) and sleeps alone most of the time though occasionally 3year old will sleep beside him. Bedrooms just used for sleeping with all toys etc in playroom and as long as all sleeping and happy, they can sleep where they like smile . I think it's lovely that by choice they sleep together........

Butwilliseeyouagain Tue 08-Oct-13 02:09:35

I feel bloody sorry for a 16 year old sharing with a 7 and 1 year old. That sounds shit.

ringaringarosy Tue 08-Oct-13 09:43:47

surely it depends on the 1 yr old?maybe they sleep through,my first two never woke in the night once they got past about 6 weeks,personally i would keep the 1 yr old in my room too but i say that as someone who has plenty f rooms but still chooses to co sleep with at least 2 of them every night!

Trigglesx Tue 08-Oct-13 11:29:18

I don't see that having a 16yo and a couple younger children in one room are an issue. If I had that situation, then I would let the 16yo go into my bedroom when they needed to study. It's really not that complicated.

WorrySighWorrySigh Tue 08-Oct-13 12:48:31

The OP has said that they could afford to move for more space but choose not to as they dont want the expense or the hassle.

This is fine so long as the children are happy. It stops being find and becomes selfish behaviour if the children arent happy.

For some children privacy is important, having a room that you can go to away from others does matter for some. This isnt about being granted some space to do X/Y/Z it is having space which is ones own.

The problem for older children is that if a room is normally shared then whenever they want some privacy there will be a gaggle of siblings outside the door saying What are you doing? That isnt privacy.

gotthemoononastick Tue 08-Oct-13 14:28:07

I had three girls sharing.They fought like rattlesnakes sometimes.They had chalk lines designating their spaces.They read and sang in bed and told stories too.They are on three continents now and truly joined at the heart.

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