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Who is BU, me or DH?

(99 Posts)
OxfordBags Sat 05-Oct-13 22:54:05

My Dh has asked me to put this to the vote on MN because he thinks I am being silly about something. Here's the problem:

We have a 2.5 yr old. He is a real little worrier, gets quite anxious and timid about stuff and needs a lot of reassurance about quite small things, like someone standing near him in a shop. On of his biggest things is that every night before bed, I have to spend ages reassuring him that animals are not going to come into the bedroom and 'get' him. I don't know where he got this fear from, but it is very real for him.

Anyway, earlier, I went to the loo before we started bedtime, and I came back into the living room to find him showing DS a YouTube video of a crocodile about to attack a baby gazelle. I took the iPad away and pretended it was a game, which DS fell for. I've watched the video since and the attack itself, which DS didn't see, is really brutal, bloody and horrible. Ds has just got a crocodile cuddly toy, and DH's reasoning is that it would be interesting for Ds to see what crocs are like. As though that's the only possible way of finding out more about crocodiles hmm

Dh says IABU for thinking this was a problem. I say he is out of his tiny mind to show such a video to a child of that age full stop, never mind to a tot who has a terror that animals are going to attack him. I must add that DH is an otherwise sensible chap, who is usually quite judgey about stuff like parents letting kids play age-unsuitable videogames, etc. I also pointed out that as it's always me who does the end of bedtime, it's all too easy for him to not worry about Ds being upset, as he won't be the one dealing with it (I don't begrudge doing this for Ds, please don't comment about that).

Who is BU?!

Thanks.

MortifiedAdams Sat 05-Oct-13 22:54:47

dh

fuzzpig Sat 05-Oct-13 22:55:01

He is.

Bluestocking Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:10

Your DH is not just BU, he is also possibly a little bit bonkers. HTH.

FadBook Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:24

YANBU your DH is

I'd get night terrors if I watched something like that blush

FrightRider Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:32

you DH is bu, and in fact a fucking idiot.

What a fool, how on earth is it ever going to be ok to show a small child a video of a bloody animal attack?

What planet is he on?

YouTheCat Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:33

He is. What a knob. There's plenty of time for wildlife programmes and real life when your son is older.

Dh.

londonmum14 Sat 05-Oct-13 22:56:53

IMO DH was being VVVU!! I guess maybe he thought it would be aversion therapy or that the croc toy would protect him? hmm

CocacolaMum Sat 05-Oct-13 22:57:31

your dh is bvu

Flojobunny Sat 05-Oct-13 22:58:26

DH
Way too young to need an education on nature. Crocodiles should be cuddly at this age, just like bears. Plenty of time for him to find out what crocs n bears are really like, in about 10 yrs!

BillyBanter Sat 05-Oct-13 22:58:46

It doesn't sound like a terribly sensible idea, no. I'll give you my vote.

Also might I suggest some magic dust or imaginary angel or animal catching device to fend of any animals that might try to come in in the night. Alternatively some pretend play in the day time where you beat the animals and foil their attempts with a sword or his magic teddy bear or whatever he can then keep by his bed .

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Oct-13 22:58:51

He is BU sad

Does he think your DS should 'man up' or something?

I was pretty sensitive when I was small and my Dad was very unsympathetic, but luckily my mum was the opposite.

It was inappropriate for him to see, fuck, I don't even like seeing shit like that.

Why wouldn't your DH want to protect him from the harsher realities of life? It's not denying they're there, but saving them for a time when your DS can deal with them, which isn't now going on what you've said.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Oct-13 22:59:32

Lots of x-posts saying the same.

notanyanymore Sat 05-Oct-13 23:00:36

shock umm... what was he thinking??!
Are you sure DH has 'no idea' where DS' s original fears have come from..?

caramelwaffle Sat 05-Oct-13 23:01:04

Your son is 2 and a half years old?

Your husband is being unreasonable.

I say your DH
My DH says your DH

HTH

Purplefrogshoe Sat 05-Oct-13 23:02:49

DH is BU

SavoyCabbage Sat 05-Oct-13 23:03:02

your dh is. Even if your ds wasn't the nervous type! Surely a lot of two year olds would be scared by that.

Itsybitsyteenyweeneyyellowpolk Sat 05-Oct-13 23:05:13

Dh definitely. Why on earth would he show him that?

Topseyt Sat 05-Oct-13 23:06:08

He was being rather misguided. Crocodiles are not nice, friendly pussycats. Your son is a bit too young to be viewing this sort of thing yet, and would very likely find it very upsetting. It might even make him fear his new toy crocodile.

There is plenty of time for your son to learn what the world is really like, and he will. At three though, he is not ready and needs his child-like innocence preserved on that for the time being.

HKat Sat 05-Oct-13 23:06:12

Your DH is unreasonable. What possible benefit could that have to and 2.5 yo, let alone one who already has anxiety about animals? And has just been given a crocodile toy? Meh.

WandaDoff Sat 05-Oct-13 23:06:24

Your husband is an idiot.

OxfordBags Sat 05-Oct-13 23:07:21

Thank you! Dh is begrudgingly accepting that it might not have been his greatest idea. Everything everyone has said are points I have already made, grrrrrr!

AgentZigZag, it's nothing to do with him wanting Ds to man up. DH is very unmacho, hates gender stereotyping, hates all the 'boys don't cry' crap in our culture, and is usually a pretty sensitive guy, especially to DS.

He's very... How can I put it... Anti-fluff. Very realistic, very rationalist, very science-minded. He doesn't always see that there is a grey area between being sickeningly twee and over-protective and telling a toddler facts that are too mich for them to handle. I have recently had to ask him not to explain what 'dead' means in overly-straightforward ways.

I am not some sort of twee knobber, I am a massive Atheist and don't agree with sugar-coating everything, or telling kids cutesie-pie explanations for everything, but there is that grey area, like I said!

WandaDoff Sat 05-Oct-13 23:07:42

DP says he's a nasty cunt.

Beavie Sat 05-Oct-13 23:07:55

Dh is being a bellend.

Bluestocking Sat 05-Oct-13 23:08:05

Not looking good forOxfordBags' DH and his Nature Red in Tooth and Claw campaign, is it? I hope he takes note.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 05-Oct-13 23:08:25

Your DH is an idiot.

tarantula Sat 05-Oct-13 23:09:26

I'm with notanyanymore. DH ever shown ds any similar videos before at all?

Topseyt Sat 05-Oct-13 23:09:34

I am meaning that your husband sounds misguided, by the way. It is unnecessary to scare such a young child with a video like that.

quesadilla Sat 05-Oct-13 23:10:21

DH. I wouldn't show anything like that to my 2.8 year old toddler who is pretty robust. Very odd.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 05-Oct-13 23:11:02

Wanda Your DP sounds a bit of an idiot too. Nasty cunt? Really?

Topseyt Sat 05-Oct-13 23:14:18

Errrr, misguided yes, but "nasty cunt" is taking it a bit too far.

OxfordBags Sat 05-Oct-13 23:14:42

He wants me to point out that his intention was not to make it clear to Ds that animals hurt and kill each other, just that he didn't think more deeply than "son has crocodile toy. Me show him video of real crocodile'. He had played a game with him where DS pretended to be hiding in the water, and then leapt up and surprised him with a kiss, so he then thought it made 'logical' hmm sense to show him a croc pouncing for real.

He says he is also taking note that everyone is saying what I've said.

BrokenSunglasses Sat 05-Oct-13 23:14:43

Your DH is BU, but I think he sounds nice. He just needs to find some fluff and stop being so anti, because sometimes, little children need it.

OxfordBags Sat 05-Oct-13 23:18:16

No, he has never shown him any videos like that before. I know that for sure. We don't show him much tv or videos, and when we do, it's stuff like a Bagpuss video or some nursery rhymes on YouTube.

And he is not a 'nasty cunt'. He wasn't doing it to try to get a kick out of upsetting him, he just didn't engage brain before he acted. He is, as I've said, normally a very gentle, sensitive and thoughtful father and DH. He has never deliberately upset DS, and indeed, I don't think he has ever actually upset him full stop. He was a thoughtless idiot to not think deeply enough about the choice of vid, but he was, and is not nasty.

pictish Sat 05-Oct-13 23:21:04

It was an ill thought out thing to do, but not malicious.
However, he should have conceded that straight away, instead of powering ahead with the I-am-right strategy. It was a sucky idea and he should sheepishly say sorry now.

No biggy.

Topseyt Sat 05-Oct-13 23:23:54

He will have learned from this though - always watch the video yourself first to decide whether or not it is suitable for such a young child.

I don't do much in the way of pink and fluffy, or shrouding in cotton wool. I am not that sort of a mum, but I did always vet what my children were watching when they were that age. When they start going through school they soon start to shed that innocence.

Inertia Sat 05-Oct-13 23:24:10

If your DH is rational and scientific, he really ought to have thought about possible outcomes here, after considering the baseline your son is starting from.

Your son is already scared of animals attacking him and has issues around night-time fears. Showing him brutal video evidence that animals do indeed attack, and that they go for very young animals who have no access to parental protection, is not likely to help. At 2 , he isn't able to evaluate the (vanishingly small) risk of a crocodile appearing in his bedroom- he just knows that they eat small creatures.

It's likely to exacerbate his fears and create endless night-time problems for you as parents, and there's just no need.

Daddy pretending to jump out of the water is still Daddy.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Oct-13 23:24:34

I don't think he's a nasty cunt, if he's not doing it to harden up your DS then he's just not good at seeing the possible consequences of showing violent things to small children.

He'd only be a cunt if he did it on purpose and knew but didn't care whether it'd hurt him or not, and that doesn't sound to be the case.

maras2 Sat 05-Oct-13 23:24:46

I have no idea about that stuff that you wrote about him ie.' anti-fluff ' and ' science minded '.He sounds a bit thick and rather cruel to me.There is no ' grey area '.Don't show the child this carnage .It's wrong.

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Oct-13 23:27:03

Tell him you're putting a YouTube ban on him until he can show he's responsible enough?

wink

That'll learn him.

ayahushca Sat 05-Oct-13 23:28:52

"Nasty cunt".

Lovely. just lovely.

IthoughtATMwasacashpoint Sat 05-Oct-13 23:35:33

Just a thought OP. Is it possible that your DH showed DS the video in a slightly misguided attempt to reassure him that his toy crocodile was more than capable of fending off any random animals waiting to attack him?

OxfordBags Sat 05-Oct-13 23:35:44

Inertia, that's almost exactly what I've said to him.

He also says he had forgotten that Ds has night-time fears about animals, as he does spend most of his waking hours pretending to be various creatures (Ds, that is!).

His own parents were (are) rubbish at not thinking about what is developmentally-appropriate info to give or show, or about emotional stuff. Like the other week, I had to stop FIL explaining about death and decomposition in stark terms to Ds when he asked what something on the path was (a dead shrew).

He is otherwise a brilliant Dad, no complaints about anything else, and he says he does now see that it was a really stupid thing to do.

OxfordBags Sat 05-Oct-13 23:44:47

Maras2, that's being a bit hysterical. There was absolutely no cruelty behind his actions. He didn't want Ds to see lots of blood or understand what killing is, he just thought 'video of crocodile' and stupidly did not think more than that, which he should have. My Dh is more on the pathetic end of the nice-nasty spectrum, if I'm being a bit mean. And 'carnage' is totally OTT. Carnage means the mass slaughter of large numbers of people, usually in wars.

I'm not downplaying how bloody misguided this choice was, but people calling him a cunt, cruel and wanting to expose our son to 'carnage' is spiteful and silly. And untrue. Grrr, I hate it on AIBU when posters lay into someone's OH and then the OP defends him, when it's clear he's a wrongun, but a few posters really are being excessive.

cashmiriana Sat 05-Oct-13 23:50:09

He's very... How can I put it... Anti-fluff. Very realistic, very rationalist, very science-minded. He doesn't always see that there is a grey area between being sickeningly twee and over-protective and telling a toddler facts that are too mich for them to handle. I have recently had to ask him not to explain what 'dead' means in overly-straightforward ways.

My DH is the same. If the children ask a question, he goes straight in with an adult level scientifically correct response. This is, possibly, just about ok with a 14 year old (though there are still some things I want to protect her from/ discuss in a more supportive way) but not great when he e.g. starts telling an 8 year old about exactly what the Nazis did. He genuinely doesn't stop to think that an appropriate response for a child of that age is "they killed people" and not a detailed description of the workings of Treblinka.

He thinks I am over-protective. I call it parenting. We have the odd row. The children are fine.

Thumbwitch Sat 05-Oct-13 23:55:10

Glad he's accepted he's been unreasonable. Perhaps that will give him pause for thought next time he feels the need to explain something in scientific detail and perhaps you could get him to do the night time sit and soothe for a change, might imprint it better on his memory that your DS has fears!

My DH could quite easily have done the same, the difference being that DS1, at the same age, was a bloodthirsty little soul and wouldn't have minded. However, now he's nearly 6 and has more understanding of what is involved, it would probably upset him more. Sometimes I think that some men/fathers just don't have the inbuilt judgement factors that we do (but then some do, just mine and all my friends' DHs don't.)

AgentZigzag Sat 05-Oct-13 23:58:14

In what ways was your DS a 'bloodthirsty little soul' at 2.5 Thumbwitch?

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 00:06:12

cashmiriana, he's not quite that bad (well, Ds is only 2.5, so there is time!), but he has already tried to explain about stars and the planetary system in a really adult-level way. It hasn't upset Ds,but he keeps asking me about planets, because he just can't understand the info he's been given by Daddy. As I said, his own parents were exactly the same, so it is a learning curve for him. He doesn't always know how to think of creative ways to describe big things,because he's never had that himself. He is so soppy in every other ways, and makes up really sweet imaginative games with him, so it's a real shame that he could be so daft.

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 00:11:19

Thumbwitch, he does have that inbuilt judgement about things that are scary usually, it's precisely because it was so out of character for him to nearly expose Ds to something scary, and also out of character to not accept his fault, that I was moved to post.

I still nurse Ds to sleep, that's why DH doesn't do the final bedtime section. Not desirous of comments on that, thank you, lovely posters.

Thumbwitch Sun 06-Oct-13 00:13:47

Agent, he liked watching nature programmes on television, had no issue with animals being eaten etc. He also used to play fighting games, not really sure why because I certainly didn't encourage it, it seemed to be innate! Always using twigs to fight imaginary enemies and gore them to death.

He accidentally got to see Lion King when he was 2 because I had never seen it myself, and we were at my Dad's, who had the video. I didn't know it had a death early on in it, so when it happened, it had to be explained. I actually think the Lion King is quite a useful learning tool (albeit perforce in my case!) for small children to hear about dying, but if I'd realised I wouldn't have shown it to him then.

He didn't actually drink blood of course. wink

BillyBanter Sun 06-Oct-13 00:35:05

Maybe he needs this!

splasho.com/upgoer5/

Inspired by this:

xkcd.com/1133/

Opalite Sun 06-Oct-13 02:20:04

What in the world......
He is hypocritical and VERY unreasonable! I have no idea how he could possibly justify this...

HicDraconis Sun 06-Oct-13 05:48:54

Yes your DH was unreasonable, but he already knows that so enough on the crocodile video.

My husband is sahd to our two boys and as soon as they could talk he has answered questions at an adult level. We've never subscribed to 'talking down' to their level, if they're old enough to ask a question they're old enough for us to answer. My oldest definitely understood the concept of death by the time he was 3. I'm not sure why you had to protect your son from a dead shrew.

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 08:31:20

Hic, FIL started going into lurid detail about decomposition. I had already told Ds that the shrew was dead. I don't 'talk down' to my son either, but I don't think he needs to know about decomposition at 2.5.

Having talked about the matter more this morning, DH told me that he only typed 'crocodile' into YouTube and clicked on of the options,he didn't actively search for anything to do with killing; I tried this out for myself, and he's telling the truth. He accepts that he should have realised that the majority of vids about crocs will involve them killing something, and that when the voiceover started talking about 'the gazelles are unaware of the lurking beast as they drink at the water's edge', he should've turned it off (that's what I heard as I entered the room and flipped the cover of the iPad).

He also says that he thought Ds would be able to tell it was 'only on the iPad', but accepted this was dense when I pointed out that adults know horror films are fiction but still crap their pants (not literally) watching them.

DameDeepRedBetty Sun 06-Oct-13 08:46:46

Crumbs OP I think your DH got away quite lightly last night - I was reading through and thinking 'I'd never ask a sensible question in AIBU on a Saturday night, how long will it be before someone tells her that DH is abusive and she should LTB?'

Hope ds gets less nervous at bedtime as he grows older. I remember very clearly being petrified that there was something nasty under the bed when I was very very little (under three years old), I was staying with one of my grannies at the time, and she sprinkled some magic dust under there for me which made them go away.

You're perfectly right, what you see not long before bedtime can prey on your mind. Later on, aged about 8, I was awake and terrified for a good hour because there might be a Cyberman walking down the passage towards my room! I was alright if I was allowed to keep a light on though. But my mum was going through a phase of shouty Lights Out at the time.

ZillionChocolate Sun 06-Oct-13 08:49:23

Glad DH has accepted HWBU. Unfortunate it took a MN vote for him to realise that and he wouldn't just accept your judgment.

oldgrandmama Sun 06-Oct-13 08:56:00

Sorry, but I'm wondering what else your 'anti fluff, very realistic ...'etc. etc. idiot of a husband has been telling your tiny son, to make him so fearful. Bet it's not just the 'crocodile' thing.

kitbit Sun 06-Oct-13 09:02:53

Dh needs to do some research on age appropriate, sounds like he's well intentioned but not getting the levels right. He also needs to use some common sense and listen to your ds's fears and watch his reactions, instinct is a good guide but research will help.

And he needs to listen to you grin

arethereanyleftatall Sun 06-Oct-13 09:06:45

What a horrid thing for your dh to do. Cruel. These things are very real for children.

pictish Sun 06-Oct-13 09:09:18

He wasn't being cruel. Come on.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Sun 06-Oct-13 09:10:49

Well, maybe it's not just the crocodile thing - or maybe OP's DS is just one of those children whose imagination goes into overdrive at bedtime.
I had one of those, and I know for a fact all he'd ever seen at that age was Tots TV, Teletubbies and that ilk <shows age>. He woke up with 'bad dreams' until about 6 or 7 years old.

One thing I came across was a suggestion of using something as a 'guardian' - maybe the crocodile toy or maybe that option's not such a good idea now! Have to say, it didn't work for us as we couldn't find anything that didn't also scare DS - we were probably a bit thick though - shoud have used a totally benign, cuddly thing to fend off with the power of good rather than Hopper or a morphed Power Ranger grin.

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 09:12:38

Oldgrandmama, you are way off. Dh doesn't tell him scary things, I have repeatedly said that it was entirely out of character for him to be thoughtless about the video, and that he's normally very gentle and sensitive. He does explain some stuff in too-conplex ways, but that's things like explaining what a combine harvester does, or other totally unscary things like that.

DS has always been a sensitive child, and I was just the same. It's just his character. I don't know any of kids of his age that don't have at least one irrational fear, he is at the prime age for all that. My DH has not made him nervous, or given him fears by secretly scaring him.

As I've also already said, DS spends most of his waking life pretending to be various animals, including pouncing and grabbing stuff, and wants to only read books about animals, zoos, etc., so it's not like he has a huge phobia. I actually think his 'animals getting me at night' thing might've been triggered by my cousin explaining that her cat flap lets her cat in and out of the house in the night.

ExcuseTypos Sun 06-Oct-13 09:12:42

OxfordBags be prepared or a lot of people who won't have read all your posts to come on say 'your H is a nasty so and so'.

RTFT or at the least the OPs posts or YOU'LL end up looking a twat.

Anyway, I think it's a very good idea for your Dh to put your DS to bed and deal with his anxieties. But let him watch you a few times, so he picks up a few tips on what to say to reassure your dswink

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Sun 06-Oct-13 09:15:11

OP has already said her DH was misguided and has admitted as much. We've all made mistakes as parents - and it's usually experiences with the first child that throws these mistakes up.
At least he now knows what's not acceptable and will hopefully engage brain in future.

cornflakegirl Sun 06-Oct-13 09:15:57

In general, I'm with your husband. Vid probably a bad choice for bedtime, but in general I've been happy for my boys to watch nature stuff, including predation, from fairly young. I wouldn't have a problem explaining decomposition either. We've actually got a really good Wonderwise book (aimed at young children) called Yum-Yum that explains food chains and decomposition.

My MIL once let DD watch Casualty when she was 5.
Cue 12 months of sleeping on the landing as she was terrified of house fires (that episode showed one). DD was not an anxious child until then.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor Sun 06-Oct-13 09:17:26

I'd say thoughtless rather than cruel. Hopefully he'll think next time before showing your DS something unsuitable.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Sun 06-Oct-13 09:19:59

Re. the sensitivity: when my DS lost his first baby tooth aged 41/2, I stupidly told him aboutthe Tooth Fairy and openedthe window a crack to 'let her in.' Cue much hysteria and an extended bedtime again. He was fine after that though, once he'd seen the cash!

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 09:23:13

Thank you, ExcuseTypos. People are clearing not reading the whole thread, or indeed not even my OP properly. My - nornally very sensible, thoughtful - DH did not set out to deliberately make our son watch animals being killed, and Ds didn't actually see it. I should've realised that some people will somehow extrapolate that he was being malicious, or has been secretly filling his mind with horrors, SIGH.

FrightRider Sun 06-Oct-13 09:27:32

I think the key phrase your DH needs to learn is 'age appropriate'

there is showing videos of crocs in the wild to show a child what a real one looks like, and there is showing them videos of them ripping another animal to bits.

pictish Sun 06-Oct-13 09:28:12

It's too late Baggy - nothing you say will make an iota of difference. Neither will the fact that you are are married to him and know your subject.
No one is listening.

BoffinMum Sun 06-Oct-13 09:29:50

Oh my goodness me, your DH has transgressed remarkably in showing bloodthirsty animal butcherings to your DS.

But otherwise with regard to the lofty explanations, your DS will work it all out.

raisah Sun 06-Oct-13 09:41:05

What's he going to do next? Show your ds videos og exrcutions on you tube to make him 'man up'? What a cruel man.

pictish Sun 06-Oct-13 09:41:50

This is actually becoming funny now. grin

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 06-Oct-13 09:45:01

DH can be a bit like this - it's not purposeful, just a lack of thought, small argument, sees he was daft, end of debate. I think the main thing is that he gets wrapped up in something new/interesting to share with DC and forgets to keep one eye on the DC to see how they are coping/whether they understand. The older the kids are the easier it is, because if you miss judge something at least you can explain.

With explanations I am guilty of the same! It took both of us a while to get used to doing 1 sentence explanations and then waiting to see if they asked more.

So if he's sorry now I would give him a break and hide the thread, because this is AIBU and people will keep pilling on well after the point someone has said they are wrong.

ExcuseTypos Sun 06-Oct-13 09:50:08

I agree with Te, hide the thread Oxford and go and have a lovely day with your family.

Dobbiesmum Sun 06-Oct-13 09:55:16

Well he knows he's being U now but seriously calling him all these names? Come on people all we need now is for someone to use the words 'abuse' or 'neglect' and we have a full house in MN bingo! Total hysteria over a dumb thing done once by someone who didn't think through to the logical conclusion and will remember next time to pre watch anything he shares with his son.
Oxford when my DS was younger he spent a lot of time pretending to be a shark so we let him watch the Blue Planet series. Cue a week of nightmares about Angler Fish and other ocean uglies.. blush

Whocansay Sun 06-Oct-13 09:57:49

The fact he shut it down when he heard you coming says to me he knew what he was doing and didn't want you to see.

I'm not sure he's as naïve as he's making out here.

Dobbiesmum Sun 06-Oct-13 09:59:52

I thought the OP shut it down, not her husband?

pictish Sun 06-Oct-13 10:05:19

The fact he shut it down when he heard you coming

Fact?
OP shut it down when she realised what was going on. She said as much.
Your version is more exciting...but it's not 'fact'...it's fiction.

Why do people do this? confused

ScrambledSmegs Sun 06-Oct-13 10:11:40

To be honest he just sounds a bit thoughtless, albeit well-intentioned. I wonder if it will make him stop and think next time he has a bright idea like that.

However, did he really not admit he was wrong until a bunch of people on the internet agreed with you? Why on earth can he not accept it when you'd explained it to him? Is it because you're 'only' his wife?

That would have my blood boiling.

Threalamandaclarke Sun 06-Oct-13 10:22:36

He is BU.

Phew. That was easy.

Threalamandaclarke Sun 06-Oct-13 10:23:35

Yes. Hide and have a good Sunday.

BillyBanter Sun 06-Oct-13 10:26:04

I think the fact he killed your neighbours over the last malteser is the most telling sign that you should ltb.

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 10:31:53

Sweet Jesus, what is wrong with people? I shut the iPad, not him. I heard the voiceover talking about unsuspecting gazelles, looked at it, thought Ds didn't need to see a gazelle die, and flipped the cover. DH wasn't arsey about it (only after Ds had gone to bed and got defensive when I told him he should have put more thought into the choice of vids). He certainly wasn't sinisterly trying to show him scenes of horror behind my back for some sick reason!

And raisah, you are being utterly hysterical. Utterly ridiculous. My DH thought he'd show our son a video of a crocodile because he was given a toy croc as a present, and he didn't think to turn it off when it became obvious that an animal was going to get attacked by a crocodile. To suggest that the next step would be for him to show our son human executions is absolutely disgusting and highly offensive. That you would make that sort of leap makes me more worried about your state of mind than my DH's!

And I have clearly stated already that Dh hates macho men who think boys should 'man up, and all that shit. He encourages Ds to play with whatever he likes, be it a pushchair or a doll, or whatever. Dh is the least macho guy I've ever met, if anyone who knew him heard that people were accusing him of having a 'man up' attitude, they would be weeping with laughter at the veryidea!

I have been incredibly naive to think that people wouldn't become hysterical and leap to preposterous presumptions on AIBU, haven't I? FFS...

BillyBanter Sun 06-Oct-13 10:33:51

YABU. You shouldn't show your child video of your husband gnawing on the bones of his victims.

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 10:34:43

BillyBanter, was he wrong to get that tattoo of Jimmy Savile on his forehead too... ?

Scrambled, no, he isn't a sexist knob, I wouldn't touch any man who thought I was 'only' a female anything with a bargepole. Everyone gets stubborn and defensive over something they should concede to, now and again.

Threalamandaclarke Sun 06-Oct-13 10:34:43

Shit. I didn't read the whole thread. Good grief!
Poor Oxford
Aren't all DH's a bit annoying at times? I thought that was just married life. grin

BillyBanter Sun 06-Oct-13 10:36:25

No. That sounds perfectly reasonable.

Dobbiesmum Sun 06-Oct-13 10:39:39

careful oxford you'll get accused of minimising it next...
is DS scared of dreams about animals or actual animals coming to get him? just having a think about what worked for my DC's when they were younger.

Whocansay Sun 06-Oct-13 10:39:52

blush Apologies, OP. I misunderstood your last post and thought he closed it when you came in.

I will step away from the pc now....

ScrambledSmegs Sun 06-Oct-13 10:41:06

grin at BillyBanter.

I have to admit I haven't read all of the thread, just the OP's posts, so had missed some of the more extreme reactions.

I have to admit my DH can argue the sky is pink if he's feeling defensive. We both have stubborn personalities and neither of us like to feel like we did something stupid/wrong, so it makes for some veeeeeeeery drawn-out arguments about complete nonsense.

Threalamandaclarke Sun 06-Oct-13 10:56:43

grin Oxford

WandaDoff Sun 06-Oct-13 14:18:33

I was the one that posted the 'nasty cunt' post.

Reading through, he sounds more daft than nasty. The comment was posted 20 secs after your 2nd post & we hadn't seen it & were going only on the OP.

OxfordBags Sun 06-Oct-13 14:37:10

Thanks, Wanda, I appreciate you coming back to say this. He really is just a bit dense at times, and he accepts he needs to engage his brain a bit more and will stick to old clips of Bagpuss and Ivor The Engine, etc., in the future! DH doesn't have a nasty bone in his body, he is soft as shit. Can't even kill a spider.

oldgrandmama Sun 06-Oct-13 18:26:17

can't even kill a spider? DEFINITELY LTB grin
BTW, that is a joke

viperslast Sun 06-Oct-13 18:49:28

Hehe aibu is ace! Your poor dh op! Hope he can take the hard liners on the chin.

I like these threads (hysterics aside) op says is it me or him? Everyone says him. He says er yep I was actually oops lesson learned. How fantastic is that?!

Op you and dh sound wonderful, I am sure your ds is going to do great. Team work means you do occasionally have to field a few unintentional curve balls and you two clearly have each others back.

With the night fears, they will pass, this age is huge for imagination so keep swimming smile if you can find something ds loves/understands who will protect him it can help. For us it was accidentally the spirit of our family dog. She passed so we read the where's mog book which describes mog watching over the family. Dd decided that this meant she was protected at all times! Worked a a treat although it wasn't our plan.

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