to really hate this couple?

(188 Posts)
Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 09:54:55

This is just a rant, really. They were in my dream last night so I've been stewing on it this morning.

I thought they were friends of ours, his wife was (I thought) my best friend but with hindsight they were just users, they used to come here for dinner and drinks almost every weekend and leave their DD here, for example, the favour was never returned.

When we were planning our wedding, they asked me if their DD could be a bridesmaid and if he could be our photographer (he isn't a professional, just a hobbyist), a few months down the line they said, oh as payment for being your photographer you can pay for our room at the hotel. I have no idea why I went along with this but I think I genuinely thought they had our best interests at heart and were doing us a favour. The room was about £250 I think, a family room for them and their DD. We also invited her parents (and paid for a meal etc) as they asked us to.

So, the wedding photos were predictably awful, we had a list of family shots we wanted and none of them happened, I have no photos of my sisters at my wedding, for example, and loads of photos of his wife and DD.

He spent a good ten minutes staging a shot that made it look like DH was snogging my mother (with the camera angle), and fucking PHOTOSHOPPED one of DH and my mum dancing to move DH's hand onto my mum's arse. These were the shots he was most proud of and plastered them all over Facebook.

We had to wait about six months for any copies of our photos, and he charged us a fortune for some framed shots, it's only now I work for a print company that I realise how much he ripped us off on those. We asked him literally every weekend for a good six months about the photos before he eventually gave us a disc with them on, and arranged the framed prints at the same time. He charged us £100 for each print, they were framed in plastic frames from Wilkos.

So as not to dripfeed, this is the man who broke into my house and assaulted me while I slept, a couple of years after the wedding. We obviously dont' see him any more and he was arrested for it although not charged. She hasn't spoken to me since and 'can't forgive me' for calling the police. She blanks me at school and Scouts although still has a cheery hello for DH.

So obviously I have that context to it. But I am fixating on the wedding stuff this morning. I am really fucking angry about it and need to have a big old AIBU rant.

They are cunts, aren't they? Or is it me?

mamaslatts Sat 05-Oct-13 09:57:33

Christ above. Massive cunts. Rant away.

Obviously they're total fuckers

So glad you dumped them

Have you tried punching a pillow and venting - you are entitled to express your anger

Anniegetyourgun Sat 05-Oct-13 09:59:10

It would be hard for them to get very much cuntier.

MrsRoss26 Sat 05-Oct-13 09:59:15

Rant away. What utter shits!

DamnBamboo Sat 05-Oct-13 09:59:31

OMG shock

myroomisatip Sat 05-Oct-13 10:00:33

YANBU

People never fail to amaze me! sad

You can hold your head up and know that you are a lovely person and let go of the anger, she is not worth your time or energy and if your DH responds to her 'cheery hello' kick him where it hurts! He should be supporting you and ignoring her.

SavoyCabbage Sat 05-Oct-13 10:01:31

Bastard.

BlackDaisies Sat 05-Oct-13 10:01:34

Great that you no longer see them!
I think you should organise another celebration of your wedding and book a great photographer. Some fanastic "wedding" shots might help you to put this behind you.

Gullygirl Sat 05-Oct-13 10:04:19

They are Supercunts.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 10:06:04

My wonderful friends, BoF and her DP, took some amazing photos, and BoF's DP (he is an artist) painted one of them for us, it's beautiful. I was so utterly blown away by that. He did it because he knew our photos were 'tainted'.

Isn't that lovely? They are like the polar opposite to cunty couple, I adore them.

God I'm so angry about them (cunts) this morning. I need to rant away and then put it back in its box, it's a lovely sunny day (maybe) and I have a 4yos birthday party to attend.

catgirl1976 Sat 05-Oct-13 10:06:09

The cuntiest of cunts sad

No wonder you need to rant and vent

MimiSunshine Sat 05-Oct-13 10:07:09

You know what, next time you see her and she blanks you, I'd be tempted to loudly say (in a slightly bored /surprised voice) "oh god, you're not still stewing over the fact I called the police on your husband are you?" Then eye roll and shrug.

That will wind her up and make it clear you aren't going to be asking for her forgiveness any time soon.

pantsonbackwards Sat 05-Oct-13 10:09:22

Holy crap! shock

I was shocked enough by the shit over expensive photos, but he broke into your house and assaulted you?! What the hell!

I am imagining it to have been when you were asleep and that the assault was sexual, although that might just be my imagination running riot, but why the hell wasn't he charged?!

What possible reason could he have given for that which got him off the hook?

I really hope your dh tells the wife to go fuck herself every single time she gives him that cheery hello.

hermioneweasley Sat 05-Oct-13 10:10:55

Sweet Jesus they sound appalling. Rant away

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 05-Oct-13 10:12:08

shock even without the assaulting you in your sleep that is all fucking awful! disgusting people! both of them.

Finola1step Sat 05-Oct-13 10:14:08

Good grief

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 10:14:21

Broke in was shorthand, sorry, he actually let himself in the unlocked back door, having left DH in the pub (so he knew I was alone with the kids).

I was asleep on the sofa, I woke up to his tongue in my mouth, he then followed me around the house for a while grabbing at my breasts and talking about getting me naked, he kept telling me to go to bed and he'd let himself out. I went outside in the end, he followed me out (hands everywhere) and then left. I broke down, called DH (who ran home) and called the police the next day.

He was arrested but ultimately it was his word against mine so they couldn't charge him. The PC dealing with it was amazing, he came back six months later because he wanted to reopen the case, but they couldn't make it stick.

Fucker.

MrsBungle Sat 05-Oct-13 10:16:25

Cunts of the highest order. Dreams are weird aren't they? You don't think about something for a while, dream about it and the all the feelings come back!

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 10:16:39

Quite cathartic, this. I do like a good rant.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 10:17:45

I know, it's funny, isn't it? I thought I was well over all this. Stupid subconscious.

Pollydon Sat 05-Oct-13 10:19:34

Christ on a bike , what a pair of cunts !!!!

Johnny5needsinput Sat 05-Oct-13 10:19:54

Oh god that's awful.

yegodsandlittlefishes Sat 05-Oct-13 10:19:55

Ugh. Please rant. Do whatever it takes to get this couple of twunts out of your dreams.

(Lovely idea to paint a wedding photo..I might pinch that idea as we only have a wedding album and none for frames).

pantsonbackwards Sat 05-Oct-13 10:20:05

Do you ever say anything when you see her?

What did she say after he assaulted you?

kotinka Sat 05-Oct-13 10:20:45

jeez, they were awful to you, reality sad

yes, shout it from the rooftops, they're cunts.

MammaTJ Sat 05-Oct-13 10:22:23

Reality, I had some people I thought were close friends too, she was the birht of my DD, knew everything about me.

He did not sexually assault me like this man did you but they systematically tried to ruin my life, all while pretending to be my friends. They told my teen DD that me getting her to help, not an unreasonable ammount around the house was me treating her like a slave, while telling me and DP that we should get her to do more to earn all the things we bought her and the clubs that we took her to.

They reported me to SS and to the RSPCA, although I didn't realsie it was them at the time. She came over and sat in my living room when the SW visited. The SW kept telling me to be careful who I trusted, but I didn't realise she was warning me about my 'friend'.

It was only when we had a big show down, when DD, who had been grounded by her Dad, and I was sticking to the punishment he had set, had been allowed to walk her dog for half an hour, came back after an hour, I told her to just go to her room and she was over me shouting, then ran over the these 'friends' house. She made out I was threatening to her, they let her in and shut me out! Got her taken to her dads.

I then started being told just how two faced these people had been. Why oh why did people not tell me earlier?

I still, four years later, obsess on occasion and dream about a scenario where the woman at least apologises to me. I wake up upset. To me, her betrayal was worse than when my husband of 10 years cheated on me and left me. I will hate them till the day I die. They tried to ruin my relationship with DD1 and get my other children removed from me. If they had genuine concerns, they should have raised them, helped me, but they were just malicious. Sorry for the vent on your thread, I thought it might help for you to know I truly do understand and why.

What this couple have done to you is unforgivable too.

How does your DH react to her cheery hello?

Inthechelseahotel Sat 05-Oct-13 10:22:25

I remember your thread! You rant away! Nasty people.

StickEmUp Sat 05-Oct-13 10:24:34

Bloody hell. YANBU rant away.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 10:28:24

DH blanks her. She is dead to us. <mafia stylee>

We've seen him (from a distance) at Scouts stuff and managed to just blank him, I dread to think what would happen if DH bumps into him with no kids around, my very mild mannered DH can be a rottweiler when it comes to me and the DC.

Thank you MammaTJ, it does help, although I am so sorry you have been through that. That's what I dreamed about, that she apologised to me. Mad, isn't it?

FancyPuffin Sat 05-Oct-13 10:30:39

Cunts of the very highest order angry

I remember your thread about MrCunt and think its very telling that he doctored pictures to put your do in a bad light and potentially cause rows.

Freaky bastard.

yegodsandlittlefishes Sat 05-Oct-13 10:32:22

Reality that's terrible. So in a way, as well aasinterfering with your wedding photos and memories of your wedding, he has done this rerrible thing and managed to lie to everyone about it so that you don't have closure.

What about planning a great anniversary getaway and inviting all your true friends (including new ones since the wedding) and key, dear relatives and booking a proper photographer? You might not be able to afford it until your 20th anniversary, but it would be a cracking party.

Counselling? Hypnotherapy?

I wish I could think of a good (legal) way for you to have them eat humble pie and own up to what they've done.

kotinka Sat 05-Oct-13 10:33:25

I think it's coming out in dreams because it all still hurts and your brain is trying to make sense of it.

DameFanny Sat 05-Oct-13 10:33:27

Totally cunty people. Almost makes you wish religion was true so you could picture them revolving on a spit in hell.

elcranko Sat 05-Oct-13 10:34:29

What horrible people. So glad that they're out of your life now OP.

pantsonbackwards Sat 05-Oct-13 10:34:40

I had a friend who badmouthed me and told lies about me to everyone we met for 8 years until i found out. I thought we would be friends for life but she was a cunt. A very believable cunt it would seem and it lost me my entire social circle.

She even took credit for work with did together affecting my college course and the opinion the tutors had of me.

Im sure she still tells lies about me. She is a very bad person.

Its hard to move on. Its been many years since i found out but i remain so bitter about it.

Lizzylou Sat 05-Oct-13 10:35:40

God, yanbu.
What total evil wankers.

ScarerAndFuck Sat 05-Oct-13 10:38:40

Reality I remember that thread about him letting himself in and assaulting you. It's as appalling to read now as it was then.

The pair of them deserve each other. Have you had any counselling?

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 10:40:18

No. It's something I'm thinking of, actually, I seem to be on a bit of a spiral lately when it all shoudl be going really well (new job, life is great etc, I'm just a bit of a mess).

I think my subconscious wants me to deal with it all, hence the freaky dreams.

Scrounger Sat 05-Oct-13 10:40:23

Take up kickboxing / boxing - vent on the pads it is a great way to get it all out. Go for a walk or a run.

In these type of situations it feels as though they 'got away' with it and never had to face the consequences of what they did or even acknowledge that they were wrong. That is the bit that drives me mad, I am starting to let go of it but every so often it sneaks back in.

Scrounger Sat 05-Oct-13 10:40:45

Oh, yes they are complete cunts, but sooner or later it will rebound on them.

pigletmania Sat 05-Oct-13 10:41:45

Oh my goodness the fuckwits from hell, your well shot of them I say. Rant away my dear smile

Charlottehere Sat 05-Oct-13 10:41:48

Had some friends like this. Note had.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 10:50:18

Thank you all for letting me vent. I am sitting here crying (god I hate it when people say that, sorry) but it is good to have a purge about it.

LilRedWG Sat 05-Oct-13 10:50:22

Rant away and consider discussing PTSD with your GP. Asreholes! sad for you.

LilRedWG Sat 05-Oct-13 10:51:03

BoF and her DH made me smile though.

kotinka Sat 05-Oct-13 10:51:41

reality, that makes sense then, you've taken control of other areas of your life, you're experiencing changes, so it's normal to subconsciously review things in the past that you haven't been able to get satisfactory closure on.

How long have thoughts about this been popping back up?

sweetestcup Sat 05-Oct-13 10:52:21

All joking aside talking through these issues in counselling is no bad thing, thats the thing about the subconscious - we dont always realise whats stewing in there until its too late. I to remember your thread, although I didnt remember it was you...are you a childminder who minds for your sister or am I getting you mixed up with someone else?

Sparklysilversequins Sat 05-Oct-13 10:53:43

You thought you were over this?

I would never get over this. It's hugely, horrendously awful. I would despise them forever. I hope your DH just quietly says "fuck off" whenever he sees her. I would.

So glad you ended up with some lovely memories of your wedding thanks to BoF and DP.

ElleBelly Sat 05-Oct-13 10:55:10

Enormous,raging cunts.

ArtexMonkey Sat 05-Oct-13 10:55:15

No wonder you're still upset. That must have been very very frightening. I'd deffo look into some counselling. You're a bit of a 'coper' aren't you? Time you unburdened yourself a bit.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 10:55:35

That's me, I'm not childminding any more though. I'm in a fab new job in sales that I'm really enjoying, I think as Kotinka says its' all that change which is prompting me to reveiw stuff, I've had mad dreams about this and about my horrible exH and his horrible wife too recently, again with them apologising to me.

It's like my brain is trying to put my house in order.

I do think counselling is my next step.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 10:57:43

'bit of a coper' just about sums me up actualy, it's kind of my thing.

I'm probably due a breakdown, it's been about seven years since my last one wink

<<<<Manly pat on the back for reality >>>>

Groovee Sat 05-Oct-13 10:59:57

What horrible pieces of work some so called friends have been on this thread! Reality, I remember your thread where the bastard assaulted you. I didn't realise he's been a "photographer" too.

Hoping Karma kicks their butts soon.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 11:00:02

thanks

xx

sweetestcup Sat 05-Oct-13 11:00:59

Congratulations on the new job! Sometimes its easy to think we can just "carry on" especially when its over things we cant control, like your cunty ex friends and dodgy wedding photos. Dont let the "oh its in the past move on" mentality overwhelm you - yes these things are true but sometimes we need a wee bit of help in coming to terms with issues. no bad thing - we can also learn a lot about ourselves through therapy.

MrsGeologist Sat 05-Oct-13 11:03:41

They are a big smelly shower of bastards, and you're well shot.

Counselling sounds like a good idea, it's a lot to deal with.

yegodsandlittlefishes Sat 05-Oct-13 11:04:53

I can recommend counselling too, but it does help to put this kind of thing into words, too. This is a good thing to dohope it helps.

yegodsandlittlefishes Sat 05-Oct-13 11:10:17

flowers

Surely you could tell the schools and scout leaders and so on?

AlpacaPicnic Sat 05-Oct-13 11:10:55

If ever there was a need for a rant, this would be it. They are twats of the highest order. Cunts the pair of them. They deserve everything that ever comes their way.

If this was a novel, you wouldn't believe anyone could be that much of a dick.

I think this is the most I have ever swore (sworn?) on mumsnet.

Deffo counselling chuck.

I never knew that about your wedding photos, The painting boffy's DH did is amazing and all the more beautiful now I know the reason it was painted.

Make today all about you, make some really good food and just sit and relax.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 11:13:43

They are 'pillars of the community' types, she is a school governer, he's a scout leader, they do lots of charity stuff and are very well known locally. I feel like I would be judged for smearing their good name, kind of thing. My friends and family have no such qualms however and bring it up in public a lot. I know several people who removed their children from his Scouts.

My Dad was all chummy with them at a recent thing and my Mum didn't speak to him for a week grin. I dont'; blame my Dad, it's very difficult.

AlpacaPicnic Sat 05-Oct-13 11:15:16

Actually - could you write it down as a novel? Then sell it for squillions and have it made into a film starring Julia Roberts as you and Cillian Murphy as your DH and someone repulsive as them... I dunno - Timothy Spall does a good 'slimy twat' maybe?

And kill them off at the end of the film

AnyFucker Sat 05-Oct-13 11:17:16

They are Mr and Mrs Cunt of Cunt Street, Cuntford.

Growlithe Sat 05-Oct-13 11:19:36

What shouts out to me about ths is that though you had these absolutely awful people in your life, you had other friends who took good photos and did the painting, and you had the police officer who sounded like he or she did their utmost to try to get him charged.

For all the negativity there were some lovely positive people in this too. Try to focus on them.

Rhinosaurus Sat 05-Oct-13 11:22:04

Wtf is someone who was arrested for assault doing working with scouts? Surely it would show in his CRB?

But yes, proper cunty cunts of the highest order, silly cow - who does she think she is blanking you when she has chosen to stay with her disgusting cunting pervert of a husband?!

yegodsandlittlefishes Sat 05-Oct-13 11:24:53

I love the novel idea! grin

tangerinefeathers Sat 05-Oct-13 11:25:41

Utter cunts. Glad that your family and friends are happy to spread the word about them.

Counselling is a good idea.

Just comfort yourself with the thought that they have to wake up to themselves, and each other, every single day <boak>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bloody Hell, what a pair of utter fuckers! I remember your thread about that cunty excuse of a man assaulting you, awful.

I tend to dwell on negative 'incompleted' parts of my life when everything else is going well. Sometimes I feel like my brain does not want me to be happy. smile a previous poster's explanation sums it up in a much more rational sense though.

I hope you're feeling better about things soon, our dreams are one thing we can't control unfortunately.
Imagine being her, being married to him, I bet there's more going on behind that smug, shiny facade than she'd like you to know.
It's twee but I do believe that living well and happily is the best revenge on twunts like that.
It kills them to see you happy and it kills them that they can't twist the knife or affect you as you've removed them from your lives.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking Sat 05-Oct-13 11:30:24

Rant away. I remember the thread about him letting himself in whilst leaving dp at the pub sad

They ARE CUNTY CUNTS and you are so much better off without people like that in your life.

DanglingChillis Sat 05-Oct-13 11:32:51

I love AlpacaPicnic's idea, very cathartic. I can see why people are recommending councilling, but, you know what, you are completely right to be angry with these awful people. If it's affecting you then get councilling to help with that but if it's 'healthy' anger then rant away on here.

yegodsandlittlefishes Sat 05-Oct-13 11:34:06

I never hear about this kind of thing. I would hate to think that this is someone I know or have known.

I suppose they really know what they are. I doubt they get any real satisfaction from the 'good works' they do, just makes them feel a bit less guilty sometimes. It is still horrible to think of people like that making decisions or being in positions of responsibility in the community. I would take my kids out of his scouts too. Id not want her as school govenor either.
More flowers

mysticminstrel Sat 05-Oct-13 11:35:42

They are awful.

Do you know what I think you should do, though? And please nobody flame me for this, I am genuinely trying to be constructive.

Have a think about why you let them walk all over you and how you can stop that happening with anybody else in the future.

Things like this: "We also invited her parents (and paid for a meal etc) as they asked us to" jump out from your OP. You need to learn to stand up for yourself.

I think you'll find it easier to move on from the whole thing if you can use the awful things that happened to make you stronger and protect you from this stuff. Then you won't feel so helpless and angry still?

Obviously, I'm not referring to him assaulting you, which is absolutely shocking and in no way anything you could have done anything about.

But the walking all over you about your wedding stuff - how are you going to make sure nobody treats you like that again?

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 11:41:34

I don't know. I am a bit of a pushover with stuff, I know this. Luckily most people in my life are genuine good guys (these days).

DH and I were talking this morning about how fucked up my family dynamic is, it all stems from that I'm sure. I'm actually a bit scared of what therapy would uncover,iI have worked very hard at being generally awesome but it's a fragile veneer.

mysticminstrel Sat 05-Oct-13 11:44:04

Do you know something that helped me? (as I've been a bit of a pushover in the past) is realising that it is ok to disappoint people sometimes.

You don't have to do anything just because somebody else wants you to - and you will quickly work out who your real friends are, because they may be disappointed that you won't/can't do something for you - but it won't affect their friendship with you.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 11:46:24

Something DH picked up on and reminded me of this morning is that I earned a funded scholarship to a fantastic school and my parents wouldn't let me go because, mainly, they wouldn't be able to afford to send my sister( and she wouldn't win a scholarship herself.)

So I didn't go. DH says that's the theme of my life. We joke about me being the Queen of fucking Everything (and dh makes sure I am in this hiuse) but in other interactions I tend to put myself last.

Mad, really

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 11:47:15

Thanks Mystic.

thanks

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 11:52:13

<ponders navel>

BOF Sat 05-Oct-13 11:53:57

It's not a fragile veneer, you know. It's your hard-won wisdom. And god knows we all have issues from childhood. I think some good self-focused writing will really help you, and working towards another challenge like your 100k walk will help you get physically and mentally stronger than hitting the wine and fags, as is the temptation so often.

All the people I've ever known to train as therapists are madder than a bagful of wasps I should know, I qualified myself. There is more than one way to crack a nut.

mysticminstrel Sat 05-Oct-13 11:54:07

That's really shit about your scholarship reality sad

It's alright to put yourself first, and I'm glad DH is on your side here.

AnyFucker Sat 05-Oct-13 11:55:08

Boffy, what a brilliant friend you sound.

BOF Sat 05-Oct-13 11:56:15

Brains will out, my love. You will achieve world domination anyway.

BOF Sat 05-Oct-13 11:57:07

Thanks AF blush. She's impossible not to love though.

redexpat Sat 05-Oct-13 12:02:03

As everyone else is saying, you need to resolve this. Start with seeing your GP and a counsellor. Find out which other treatments are available. You might not need then, but it's always good to know your options.

lottieandmia Sat 05-Oct-13 12:02:14

What unbelievably awful people - I really feel for you OP and I remember your thread about the husband assaulting you. Awful, just awful.

Almostfifty Sat 05-Oct-13 12:03:13

My eldest went through a trauma a few years ago. Whilst it has been on his mind since then, it's only now starting to really affect him, he's having nightmares, flashbacks and is losing sleep because of it.

He's started counselling, and it's really working. They've given him strategies to deal with things as they happen, and he's having fortnightly meetings going through the whole thing layer by layer.

I'd go to the GP and get on the waiting list. Sadly it might take some time, but at least you'll have started the process.

Good luck.

oldgrandmama Sat 05-Oct-13 12:03:42

You poor girl - I am sending the very very worst karma to that disgusting couple. Hope the rant's made you feel a little better.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 12:04:25

Proper crying now.

Love you BOF xx

MammaTJ Sat 05-Oct-13 12:06:54

It's like my brain is trying to put my house in order.

Yes, that's what I think too. Sort of getting through our dreams what will never happen in real life.

MrsZimt Sat 05-Oct-13 12:25:01

"All the people I've ever known to train as therapists are madder than a bagful of wasps"

Arf. Maybe that should be my new career. grin

Reality, they sound truly awful. Of course it's not you. I have experience with people like that. Don't let them get to you years down the line. You sound strong, not veneery at all and your dh sounds lovely too. You've got more than they will ever have.

Pawprint Sat 05-Oct-13 12:25:19

Good God, they sound foul. The incident of the assault leaves me staggered - unbelievable.

As for the wedding, well they acted out of greed and took advantage of you. There is something really creepy (not to mention Freudian) about the groom/mother of bride 'snogging' and 'hand on bum' photographs. Not funny at all and disgraceful that he put them up on FB.

I hope you feel a bit better for having written it all down.

pantsonbackwards Sat 05-Oct-13 12:38:57

They are 'pillars of the community' types, she is a school governer, he's a scout leader, they do lots of charity stuff and are very well known locally. I feel like I would be judged for smearing their good name, kind of thing. My friends and family have no such qualms however and bring it up in public a lot. I know several people who removed their children from his Scouts.

That's brilliant! The news must have spread and lots of people must know what they are like by now.

AlpacaPicnic Sat 05-Oct-13 12:39:05

Its almost like PTSD isn't it? And possibly because it feels 'unresolved' then its playing on your mind.

QueenStromba Sat 05-Oct-13 12:44:55

I remember your thread about the assault and I'm sorry to hear that nothing came of his arrest. I think it would do you good to make sure that something positive has come out of the whole experience with these cunts.

You talk about being a pushover. Perhaps CBT would be good for you to help you see that the worthwhile people in your life will understand if you can't do something for them. The people who get pissed off if you say no once in a while are people that aren't worth knowing anyway. I've only recently started feeling like I can say no when someone asks me for a favour but I'm getting better at it and everyone still likes me.

AltogetherAndrews Sat 05-Oct-13 12:50:56

We don't know each other Reality, and maybe this won't be useful to you, but maybe it would help if you could try and shift your emotional response to them. At the moment you are filled with anger, and fair enough, cos they are a pair of cunts, but that is really destructive and exhausting for you.

Try feeling pity. Not sympathy, cos they don't deserve it, but pity, cos they are pathetic. She is married to a sex offender. She knows it. He knows it. And instead of having the moral strength to face up to it, she shifts the blame to you. But she knows that's a fiction. Their whole lives together are based on lies and not being able to face the elephant in the room. How shit, and unpleasant their lives together must be. No intimacy, no friendship between them, just a charade. And the fear that it will happen again. How much better is your life, with a DH you love and trust, and good friends like BoF. They can't have that, because they are both too weak. How pathetic.

MinnieBar Sat 05-Oct-13 13:00:45

Oi Bof! I'm not as mad as a box of wasps!!

At least, I don't think so… hmm wink

From your other threads you rarely challenge your family do you Reality? What would happen if you did?

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 13:11:38

Gawd knows. Ww3 most likely. We rumble along.

TombOfMummyBeerest Sat 05-Oct-13 13:32:54

How awful. The fact that you can see them so often without socking them both in the face is beyond me. I'd do it without shame. That's fucking brutal.

If he's working in Scouts, I wouldn't want that man anywhere near my kids. Have you told anyone there?

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 13:45:22

Their family basically run scouts in our area, they all know what happened but of course choose to believe him that I'm mental and overreacting.

I have been pretty much ostracised by a whole section of the local community. Fun stuff.

AnyFucker Sat 05-Oct-13 13:49:19

Reality, I don't know you feel about talking all this shit through with a professional because you always sound like you feel you should be strong enough to deal with it yourself

But maybe now it is time ?

TombOfMummyBeerest Sat 05-Oct-13 13:54:58

That's shitty.

Are they in regular contact with your children?

Anjou Sat 05-Oct-13 14:04:51

Jesus Christ, OP. These people are utter cunts. You've explained what they've done very matter of fact-ly and we are all appalled. To relieve the anger and hatred you rightly feel, tell mutual friends and acquaintances what you've told us. Not with spite, bitchiness or malice, just when these people come up in conversation. Remain dignified, tell the truth and others will see how utterly awful they are.

thanks

RnB Sat 05-Oct-13 14:07:04

Utter bastards. I remember your original assault thread sad

notundermyfoof Sat 05-Oct-13 14:09:14

Yanbu! I remember your thread from when that cunt assaulted you in your sleep angry which was awful enough without the photograph thing! I hate both of them too and I have never even met them!

I think you should go for the counselling, it will help you so much to unburden yourself and work through the stuff swirling around in your head. They are a pair of arseholes who will go through life shitting on people, they will get what they deserve because these things always come out. You seem to be surrounded by lovely people which is exactly what you deserve flowers

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 14:11:40

No, not regular but they do see them.

The last time I saw them was at an awards thing for DS1, fuckhead was taking photos and out of all the children he adjusted my son's scarf. It was a very definite dig and I had to stop myself from making a scene.

Ugh.

pantsonbackwards Sat 05-Oct-13 14:35:28

Cunts!

Sister77 Sat 05-Oct-13 14:44:25

When you next see them DO NOT be afraid of making a scene. Confront him, at the next awards evening tell the organisers he is nt allowed to take pictures of or have any contact with your children. This has me incensed I would like to feed em shit pies!

Youarejustwordsonascreenpeople Sat 05-Oct-13 15:03:49

Reality, I can't add anything to the already excellent advice but would just like to say having seen BoFs DH amazing paintings I bet the picture he did for you was stunning.

Please look into getting something like CBT and see if you can change your mindset to pity for them and their petty lives.

Youarejustwordsonascreenpeople Sat 05-Oct-13 15:04:36

Oh! And good luck in your new career.

unobtanium Sat 05-Oct-13 15:05:50

Oh boy, Reality, I actually just had a kind of stroke reading about this incredibly tacky couple. Especially him though!

YANBU

God I feel a little sick now

springybiffy Sat 05-Oct-13 15:10:52

oh my goodness, what putrid people <boak>

I wish I could say, like a pp, that I haven't met too many people like this, but I have. To a one they get their comeuppance. YOu have to wait a bit, but it does come.

Your allegations will be hanging over his head. imo 'people' like this don't know what they're doing, because them and the truth don't go together, they aren't interested in the truth. But truth has a way of coming out - eventually.

There have been plenty of high profile people who have got, or are getting, their comeuppance recently. the higher they are, the longer the fall.

AveryJessup Sat 05-Oct-13 15:11:54

Wow, you poor thing. That's horrible. Even worse that you couldn't get the filthy creep convicted.

I'm not surprised that you still have nightmares about this couple. The assault sounds like a terrifying experience.

As for his wife blanking you? Well, she is married to a sexually violent pervert so I suppose she has to cling to some shred of delusion to keep her marriage going. You should be the one blanking her and your DH should too. They sound like vile people.

AgadorSpartacus Sat 05-Oct-13 15:19:35

Oh Reality. .I remember that thread too. I agree with others. It's life changes isn't it? I've just started a job after 11 years sahm and wierdly find myself constantly reassessing my relation ship with my Mum. New light and all that?

You are on my fb (or I'm on yours which ever way you look at it smile) you have a lovely little Reality family and a ton of friends who clearly care about you.

I wish some higher authority could make them apologise to put your mind at rest.

AgadorSpartacus Sat 05-Oct-13 15:22:10

Relationship not relation ship which is presumably a large vessel on which you pack all relations and send them over the fucking horizon never to be seen again.

If only.

Floggingmolly Sat 05-Oct-13 15:23:05

Why did you entertain the charge for the prints, when they'd treated themselves to the hotel room on your tab as payment in advance?
They are complete users, of course they are, but all users need a willing victim.

AveryJessup Sat 05-Oct-13 15:27:52

This man is allowed to be around other people's children in a leadership role? Taking photos of them? Putting his filthy hand on your son to 'adjust' his scarf? I would spontaneously combust if a man who had assaulted me even came within a 10 mile radius of my son, let alone touched him.

How do these filthy scumbags get away with it? angry angry

Loopytiles Sat 05-Oct-13 15:43:32

shock

nickelbabe Sat 05-Oct-13 15:45:20

Reality

sad flowers

it sounds fucking awful what they put you through, yes, they are cunts, and yes, they deserve the biggest slaps going.

nickelbabe Sat 05-Oct-13 15:48:36

but while I'm here:
"Something DH picked up on and reminded me of this morning is that I earned a funded scholarship to a fantastic school and my parents wouldn't let me go because, mainly, they wouldn't be able to afford to send my sister( and she wouldn't win a scholarship herself.) "

pretty similar to what happened in my family, but at least (finding out the correct details when I was an adult), mine's not quite so bad.
My sister took the entrance exam for the High School and failed it.
I really, really wanted to go to the High School (fucking swot), and I begged them to let me take the exam, and they wouldn't let me "because you'll fail like your sister did and you'll be disappointed"
I know I wouldn't have got a scholarship, because they were very hard to get, but I hated my parents for years for that (not letting me try)
my sister revealed a couple of years ago that she failed deliberately because she knew mum and dad couldn't afford to let her go, and mum revealed that she wouldn't let me take it because she knew damn well I'd pass and couldn't put me through knowing that and not being able to go to the school because of cost.

thought it was worth commenting on grin
<wedding twin>

Tailtwister Sat 05-Oct-13 16:10:55

OMG, no YANBU!

He broke into your house and assaulted you? His wife still says hello to your DH? They both sound like and nightmare and how on earth did he get away with attacking you?

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 17:37:23

He got away with it because there wasn't enough evidence, just my word against his. The police officer really tried to build a case but it wasn't to be.

She was furious that I called the police as I risked his job and scouts.

I did have the presence of mind to point out that HE risked all that, not me.

flippinada Sat 05-Oct-13 17:52:29

I remember your assault thread. They are utterly vile and YANBU in the slightest. How do people like this live with themselves?

bouncingbelle Sat 05-Oct-13 17:53:10

Omg wot a pair of bastards. Just keep thinking karma will get them one day.

You know the truth bout what he did that night. He knows the truth and at some level his stupid wife knows too (and is just lying to herself).

Hullygully Sat 05-Oct-13 18:01:42

I think you are dreaming about it now because you are in a happy place so your mind thinks you can cope with facing it and dealing with it.

What gives me the rage in these situations is the unfairness and the fact they have got away with it. One feels a mug and angry and hurt and vengeful...you know what I'm going to say. And I mean it:

kill them

Hullygully Sat 05-Oct-13 18:06:02

Fuck it

I'll kill them

where do they live?

ChasedByBees Sat 05-Oct-13 18:07:12

Utter, utter fuckers. I remember your thread about him entering your house. Sorry to hear his sorry ass wasn't thrown into jail.

ExcuseTypos Sat 05-Oct-13 18:08:03

angry for you. What a couple of cunty bastards.

I agree that you should go and talk to a therapist about it all. His actions have caused you a lot of heartache, its no wonder you're still thinking about it.

greenhill Sat 05-Oct-13 18:14:58

I remember your assault thread, I was so angry on your behalf. It's such a shame that when it's one persons word against another it can't be taken further; but well done to that PC for believing you and trying to reopen the case against him. At least it means that there is a record of the assault, so if/when that vile man chances his luck again, there will be something on file. Think of it as something positive for the future.

I hate that it's tainted your wedding day photos too. At least you have genuine friends that stepped in and made something good from the botched job.

AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat Sat 05-Oct-13 18:37:21

Oh Reality I remember your thread from a while back. What a vile bastard. I wish the worst things to come his way. They sound like leeches to me, just be glad you had them surgically removed.

I definitely think that some counselling could be of some use. If nothing else, it's good to talk to someone who is not immediately involved and has a personal opinion on it, about it. I have had counselling before and was silly enough not to mention everything that happened with my ex partner.

I still have bad dreams about him too, so know how horrible dreams about people from the past can be.

Just think about how unhappy they must be deep down to do that to others. They may act like they trust each other but they don't. He doesn't want her, she doesn't believe in him so at the end of the day, they may put a smiley face on but I bet in their house fights happen quite regularly.

I just feel sorry for their daughter [plus yourself and your DH, of course].

So glad your family and friends are willing to stick up for you. It means the world to be stuck up for.

[Hugs]

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 19:09:08

Thank you all so much for your lovely posts on this thread, it has helped immeasurably today.

Nest of vipers, indeed!

thanks

pootlebug Sat 05-Oct-13 19:17:18

Bit late to the party but just wanted to confirm that they are indeed cunts. And I say this as someone who very seldom uses the C word, but in this case it is definitely the right word.

jonicomelately Sat 05-Oct-13 19:19:34

The sense of justice never have been done must be agony to live with. You know how despicable these people are but seeing them carrying on as normal while you suffer must frustrate you so much.
I think you really need to investigate the possibility of counselling.
I wish I knew who they are so I could glare at them

mimitwo Sat 05-Oct-13 19:32:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 19:58:26

Oh hello! I'll pm you.

cjel Sat 05-Oct-13 20:10:28

reality, thank goodness you know it is them not you and you have lovely Dh now. I'm not mad either and training to be a counsellorsmile or do we have to be mad to do it - i'm not sure!!
I definitely go and have a chat with someone then you will get it all out for the final time and waste no more of your life on them!!

jonicomelately Sat 05-Oct-13 20:12:43

To be honest Reality I think there may be more to be done here. I wouldn't want to give anyone false hope but so many sex offences are one oerson's word against another.
What did the Police say to you about the reasons for them not persuing the matter? Did they get advice from the CPS? Are you aware there are ways of appealing their decision?

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 20:28:10

I think it was the cps that wouldn't pursue it, I'm not sure.

The police came back a few months after it all happened to take another statement and reopen it all, he was quite vague about the reasons why but I did get the impression they had something else on him, if that makes sense. It all went quiet again though.

RoomForASmallOne Sat 05-Oct-13 20:29:39

I remember him assaulting you Reality
Your thread horrified me, well he horrified me.

I have a loosely similar situation that crops up every now and then and the fury at how powerless I am over it, is awful.
I won't express this properly but my feeling is.... Jesus, you got away with it (you cunts, in my situation and yours) so WHY on earth would you not feel lucky and keep your fucking heads down??

Some people are disgusting sad

The fact you are dreaming about them is a good sign, I'd say.
Like PPs have said...your brain is ready to trawl through it all.

jonicomelately Sat 05-Oct-13 20:31:05

I'll PM you.

Hissy Sat 05-Oct-13 20:46:15

Reality, you are thé author of the most famous thread on here. I myself have bumped the "Right, Listen Up Everybody' thread on occasion.

That thread is such a powerful message, reminding so many about how important we are, and how we're worth fighting for.

You love, are worth all that and more.

I would say that you ought to consider some therapy, you have been through so much, in your life, and in these hideous events you've described.

Your pain and suffering started way earlier than this though, and without examining it, and seeing it for what it is; the crappy actions and choices of others and most definitely NOT your fault, it's going to always lurk in thé background.

The dreams are your body crying out for you to deal with this. It's time.

You know you have lots of people that love you in RL, and you know you have lots of us that love you in MN.

How can you possibly fail to beat this? smile

AlistairSim Sat 05-Oct-13 20:47:43

Injustice really boils my piss.

What a pair of cuntwhackers.

I'll help Hully.

facedontfit Sat 05-Oct-13 20:49:09

We had a cunt couple in our lives who we thought were our friends.

I believe in karma. Reality have these flowers x

Reality Sat 05-Oct-13 20:55:09

You lot are so lovely.

Thank you all so much.

thanks

mimitwo Sat 05-Oct-13 20:59:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissDD1971 Sat 05-Oct-13 21:01:20

so sorry you've had to deal with this.

my mum was assaulted by her friend's DH many years ago who perforated her ear drum. drunken behaviour of course and he apologised but she still has trouble hearing. they persuaded her not to call police.

glad you called police and sorry you couldn't make it stick. what complete and utter tossers.

MissDD1971 Sat 05-Oct-13 21:01:54

and I believe in karma too and cake.

cjel Sat 05-Oct-13 21:12:43

is there enough cake for everyone?

thecatfromjapan Sat 05-Oct-13 21:44:48

How horrible, in so many ways

That "Listen Up" thread is inspirational. I do wish I could give something to you in the way that thread gave something to me.

I'm not surprised you're going over all of this, one little piece at a time: there is so much, and it is genuinely awful. Coming to terms with the betrayal of trust - and how long that went on for, and finding the strength, and then the words, to think again about a frightening and disturbing sexual assault - it will be hard.

It's horrible that there has been no public justice.

You are an amazingly worked-out person but this is unusually hard (I think). As a woman, I am disturbed, appalled, and angry. As someone who feels care, affection, and respect for you (you've given quite a lot to people like me on here) I am really sad - and angry.

I'm very glad that the good things in your life are outweighing the bad. I hopw those good things keep coming for you.

DameFellatioNelson Mon 07-Oct-13 08:42:37

My wonderful friends, BoF and her DP, took some amazing photos, and BoF's DP (he is an artist) painted one of them for us, it's beautiful. I was so utterly blown away by that. He did it because he knew our photos were tainted.

Isn't that lovely? They are like the polar opposite to cunty couple, I adore them.

That is indeed lovely. A very special thing to do for a friend. smile

It's a mystery why some of us get swept along in the thrall of manipulative users and tossers, convincing ourselves that they are nice really, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary. It's a about a need to be liked I think, and if they seem to really like us then we ignore our inner alarm bells and think we should be grateful for the attention. hmm Sometimes it takes something big to happen before we can have that lightbulb moment and step back and see them for what they are.

I tend to put myself last.

Well there will be lots of us who can identify with that. We are programmed to please everyone else at the expense of ourselves, not make demands of others, not to be too high maintenance, but if you live by that mantra too much, for too long, eventually your brain explodes and everyone looks at you, this apparently well-balanced, easy going coper, and goes 'Huh? What the matter with her then? confused

kotinka Mon 07-Oct-13 09:09:33

how lovely of bof & mrbof, top people! smile

Naughtyculture Mon 07-Oct-13 09:32:07

This thread has made me so angry and upset on your behalf, Reality. Why do people like the couple you knew always end up smelling of roses even though they behave like utter cunts? It's sickening. I think they must be incredibly manipulative, far more manipulative than a normal, decent human being could ever be even if they tried.

We knew a couple who, although didn't seem to be quite as psycho as your ex-friends, certainly turned out to be total shits, and had been saying things about us behind our backs and generally shit stirring. The woman wormed her way into some of my friendships and gradually edged me out of them, and the man did the same to DH, taking up the same hobby as him and arranging days doing the hobby with the blokes DH normally does it with but excluding DH. Crunch came when we weren't invited to DH's close friend's wedding, and we found out after the wedding that this couple had told the groom that we had said we wouldn't go even if we were invited (this couple, of course, went to the wedding). It was almost as if they wanted to totally edge us out of our own lives. Weird!

Naughtyculture Mon 07-Oct-13 09:35:35

Also, I agree with the poster that said it's always a good idea to look back on experiences like that and try to work out how you could prevent yourself from being used again by arseholes. I certainly found it useful to do that after mine and DH's experience.

Just things like in future not introducing new friends to all my other friends until I'm totally sure that the new friend is a totally sound person, and also that I will back off from any potential new friendships at the slightest hint of psycho-ness/nastiness.

About a year before we cottoned on to what the couple were truly like, there was a small incident where the bloke snapped nastily at me over something that I was trying to help him with. I put it down to him being stressed but looking back it was a total red flag and we should have backed out of the friendship there and then. It certainly would have saved us a lot of hassle.

LeGavrOrf Mon 07-Oct-13 09:38:36

Reality, you bloody angel. I do t know how you cope.

Your mum and dad being chummy with them? Of fucking COUESE it's not hard for your father to stop being friendly with the fucker who assaulted his daughter. They are bloody wrong not to support you. You do know that deep down. But god knows it is hard to face up to the fact your family dynamics are screwed. I don't speak to any of my fuckers. They can get strertcjed.

And the utter cheeky fuckers about the photos.

You are RIGHT to be angry.

Btw is the photo which BOF took the one of you and your DH which looks like something out of Martha Stewart weddings? The one you posted on mumsnet when you were first married? You look beautiful in that.

Darling don't think you need to get over this, you are righteously angry. He fucking came into your house and assaulted you and somehow these cunts have made you look the bad guy.

LeGavrOrf Mon 07-Oct-13 09:45:45

I won a scholarship to a private school as well, my school entered me for it and my gran refused to let me go, would have got above myself apparently.

That burned for years.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Mon 07-Oct-13 09:47:44

I remember your thread about the assault. Gave me chills. A truly scary man.

They are proper cunts.

Hope you are ok reality

pantsonbackwards Mon 07-Oct-13 09:51:49

What would make a man be friendly to the bloke who had assaulted his daughter?!

Did you tell him how you feel about that and why its wrong?

Maybe point out to him how that makes it all look to other people?

there are some real weirdos in this world.

i do think you need closure on this. how you get it i really don't know.

all i can say is that you've had your share of shitters, may the rest of your life be shit-free.

bottleofbeer Mon 07-Oct-13 10:01:28

Do you need a degree in stupidity to work for the CPS? I saw a case come to court last week and had enough reasonable doubt planted within ten minutes. I just sat there wondering how the fuck it got past the CPS. Yet when a case really should be heard they "haven't got enough evidence".

Mad.

mistlethrush Mon 07-Oct-13 10:01:52

Yes, they both are the lowest of the low.

I'm really not surprised this is coming back to haunt you - its all mixed in together and its not the sort of thing that's easy to 'get over'.

You need to do something to help work through it - whether its writing as BoF suggested or something else, I can't advise.

What a lovely indication of what true friends are like though - BoF's pictures sound lovely.

BellaVita Mon 07-Oct-13 10:07:28

Sweet Jesus Reality, they are utter nob wankers angry

frumpet Mon 07-Oct-13 10:21:42

I am always amazed at people's ability to value staus over common human decency , because as sure as tomorrow is Tuesday , that woman knows that what you say her husband did is true . Long may she enjoy that fucked up relationship !

Naughtyculture Mon 07-Oct-13 10:23:57

Well said, frumpet

frumpet Mon 07-Oct-13 10:33:02

And keep talking about it , till you are blue in the face if necessary , your real friends will understand . smile

Trills Mon 07-Oct-13 10:35:47

Fuckers.

That is all.

There's enough wisdom on this thread already, I can't add anything better.

LeGavrOrf Mon 07-Oct-13 10:38:19

What would happen reality if you said to your parents 'how do you think it makes me feel that you both speak to the man who assaulted me out of some misguided English sense of politeness?'

Or is that a fuxkjng stupid question and they will shake their heads and walk out of the room hurt at the sheer effrontery of the fact you have raised the uncomfortable aubject again. Because it was probably all a misunderstanding and you overreacted? And do t speak to me like that. And all those lovely chestnuts.

frumpet Mon 07-Oct-13 10:39:22

I like the idea of having a recreation of your wedding day so you can get nice pictures that are not tainted , what a lovely thing that would be to plan . Also i would make sure that as many people as you can , realise the reason you are doing it is because Mr deviant scout leader is actually totally shit at his prefered hobby , because i bet that will hurt him and his twisted ego a hell of a lot more than you ringing the police ever did .

frumpet Mon 07-Oct-13 10:41:02

You can always get someone to photoshop your parents into a few photos if required wink

cjel Mon 07-Oct-13 13:36:29

is it possible to get some more photos done? the bigger fuss the better.I also think you need to call your parents on this and not keep quiet all the time. He has more to be afraid of than youxx

swampytiggaa Mon 07-Oct-13 18:19:29

Just read this pretty horror struck! So glad you have some lovely friends x

regarding scouts - might be worth reporting this centrally. I am a beaver scout leader and there are lots of ways to report suspicions. There will be an area leader who you could email or if not the safeguarding department might be worth getting in touch with.

Try the scouting website x or if you want a more direct approach i am seeing our district commissioner tomorrow and can ask her advice.

Thinking of you x

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Mon 07-Oct-13 18:25:22

My my days. These people put the C in Cunts. Awful behaviour on their part.

LeGavrOrf Tue 08-Oct-13 07:20:14

Anyway, if you think it is worth it please do have this conversation with your parents. I know how terribly difficult it is. I had The Conversation with my mother in 2008, we haven't spoken since. And then I wrote her a letter, which I regret posting (it wasn't rude or spiteful, I just wish I hadn't told her how upset and lost I was).

Oh anyway I don't know what I am rambling on about as this has no relevance, but what happened to you was awful, and people's reactions should be like that of your husband - protective and supportive of you. It must crucify you that your parents have whitewashed the whole affair and still bloody SPEAK to them. You should be their number one concern. What do they think of it, 'oh it was only a drunken fumble, Cedric didn't know what he was doing, calling the police was Reality just getting arsey'

I know I am projecting my own crrap family experiences, I'm sorry. I just wish that they supported you. I can't think what goes through their head that they won't.

I remember that thread and how deeply distressed and confused you were by it, and we were all horrified on your behalf.

I don't know whether it would be easier for you to just try and accept that they won't change, that these are the parents that you have and you just have to find a way to accept it and learn how to manage your reaction to them, or confront them (which is what I did and every bridge was burned. Not that I ever regret it mind, not now anyway).

I agree with posters wiser than me that some degree of therapy I think would be really useful.

Anyway I hope you're all right, you lovely bugger. flowers

Reality Tue 08-Oct-13 07:32:26

Oh thank you all again for you wonderful posts. I'm really a bit overwhelmed by all of this.

LeGav, how are you? I saw your thread yesterday but coudln't reply as I was at work.

My parents have been great, honestly, I think I've misrepresented them a bit. They went to a weddingr ecently where they were sat at the same table as cunty couple. My Mum blanked them, my Dad didn't, and my Mum didn't speak to my Dad for a week.

My Dad is very involved in Scouts, and without going into too much detail, them and their families are very high up in Scouting. In an ideal world my Dad would make the choice between me and Scouts, but he is a very mild man and so he has taken the easy route which is to maintain a polite relationship, for the most part (he was chummy at the wedding though after a drink which pissed my mum off).

My Mum is great in her own way. She supported me 100% in going to the police. I'm not sure how supportive she woudl be now if I told her I wasn't coping more than a year after the event, I think she would very much expect me to be over it by now.

I am making a gp appt to ask for some counselling, I'll happily pay for it if it's not available on the NHS. I do feel a bit broken headed at the moment.

D0G Tue 08-Oct-13 07:51:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tabby1963 Tue 08-Oct-13 08:20:12

Reality you and your family have been through a terrible ordeal with this couple and no wonder you are dwelling on it, what with having to see them regularly and having to act normally.

I think you've have a fab bit of counselling courtesy of your mn friends smile. It sometimes helps enormously just to vent to sympathetic audience in a safe place, helps to get things in perspective, get support, advice, just other posters telling their stories means you don't feel so alone because others 'get it'.

Those two are toxic, miserable, damaged people. Their past will catch up with them, hopefully in spectacular style, because you can be sure that they have another family in their sights to abuse and use.

cjel Tue 08-Oct-13 09:59:16

Glad you will seek counselling and sorry you feel broken at the moment. Someone once said tome when I was feeling bad, that I was a bent reed that would never be broken. I think you are the same, you are bent but won't breakx

KalevalaForMePlease Tue 08-Oct-13 10:07:48

Aw, Reality, what a terrible thing, they are dreadful people. The sense of injustice is really awful to have to deal with. My brain does this too, every now and again puts me in a conversation with people who have previously fucked me over. I like a pp's suggestion that it's because you're in a happier place that your brain thinks you're ready to deal with it, I'll remember that. thanks for you, be reassured that we all think that they are a pair of vicious cunts who will get their comeuppance. As my granny would say, I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire!

ClaraOswald Tue 08-Oct-13 10:22:23

You were sexually assaulted and haven't yet had counselling? Especially with the lack of prosecution and all the change I'm not surprised you have been so unsettled and upset.

Well done on going to speak to your GP, it takes a lot to acknowledge you may need help and even more to ask for that help, especially if you are normally such a confident person.

LeGavrOrf Tue 08-Oct-13 10:51:55

Oh I'm sorry I went off on one about your parents. I was projecting. I am glad that they have been more supportive than I supposed.

I would tell your mum though that you're still suffering though. I am so glad she was behind you when you reported it. She may think, because you come across as so strong and together (as you come across on here) that you have been able to put it behind you. Perhaps she doesn't want to bring it up and dredge it all up again.

Please do try and have some counselling. What happened was so vile, in your own home and in the middle of the night. And you still have to see this fucker because of scouts and everything.

Sorry again for being harsh about your mum and dad.

LeGavrOrf Tue 08-Oct-13 10:58:14

Is your GP nice? Hopefully that will be a good first step. However counselling in general has a long waiting list. I am currently on one and in my area it's about 9 months. So I am going to go privately, it's about 30 quid a session, it's a good idea though to have your GP recommend decent counsellers who specialise in this area.

Or have you had any dealings with victim support? I only say this because my aunt is a victim support officer, works very closely with people who have had been assaulted etc. that would also be a good first port of call for other services I think.

thebody Tue 08-Oct-13 11:47:58

I can't remember a more disturbing thread.

just awful. also this sex offender has a dd? very worrying.

your parents attitudes are awful too.

Reality Sat 12-Oct-13 10:35:36

I just want to thank you all so much for all your lovely posts.

I've written the shit out of it and I think that will help. I am going to go and see my GP as well, when I can fit it in around work.

I am really bored of having it at the front of my brain now, I wish it would go away but it's not, so I;m just going to talk and write and rage it out until it does.

loveolives Sat 12-Oct-13 12:21:52

Fucking fuckers!

Youarejustwordsonascreenpeople Sat 12-Oct-13 14:55:24

Well done Reality. Don't let the bastard drag you down.

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 12-Oct-13 17:20:54

Crikey - Reality your words are powerful things.

Only just read this as new to MN but feel sick with this.

He will be found out in the end. Someway. Somehow.

x

Mumsyblouse Sat 12-Oct-13 18:00:15

reality I just wanted to say something in relation to why this has come up for you now- in my experience, if you are someone who copes well and managed to keep going last year, this time when everything is going better is the first time that you can really let it all out. I have often found that denial/repression is quite a good tactic for a while, but once you start dreaming about something, it's probably time to get it out and examine it for a bit before putting it back in its box (which is exactly what you are doing). I've often found that it's only when things are going really well that you can examine the darker stuff- hope you feel at least a bit better after getting upset over this.

And- you and they still know the truth, he's a nasty piece of work, and as others have said, his karma will come (and hers as I'm sure she knows what he is really like).

Reality Sat 12-Oct-13 18:21:52

Thank you

thanks

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