To think you don't sign up your DC for a year of sport if you can't get them there?

(49 Posts)
Sparklingbrook Sat 05-Oct-13 09:53:26

I feel like making a big taxi sign for the car. sad

greenfolder Sat 05-Oct-13 09:54:58

Yanbu at all!

Anniegetyourgun Sat 05-Oct-13 09:56:24

Just Say No.

Or hand them a bill for their share of the petrol.

Trading in your family wagon for a two-seater may be a little further than you're prepared to go, but it's always an option.

DameFellatioNelson Sat 05-Oct-13 09:56:57

YANBU.

People who take continually advantage of others to sort out their ill thought through logistical problems really boil my piss.

I'm always happy to help people with an occasional problem and I'm happy to share a chore 50:50 if it benefits us both but I am not happy to be used and taken for granted. But as a SAHM it's something that has happened many times.

LargeLatte Sat 05-Oct-13 09:57:00

Say 'no'?

Sparklingbrook Sat 05-Oct-13 09:57:16

I don't mind the odd occasion when it's reciprocated but there's a couple that I think genuinely had no idea how they were going to get their DCs to matches/training.

Bizarre.

Sparklingbrook Sat 05-Oct-13 09:59:16

We have a seven seater-I like your idea Annie.

I mean we are going anyway with DS so i feel mean thinking it, but getting a call 20 mins before we leave-just taking the mick really.

Jinsei Sat 05-Oct-13 10:00:51

It's rude of the parents to assume that others will help out. However, I would still do it if the children were going to miss out otherwise. Not their fault for having flaky parents.sad

Sparklingbrook Sat 05-Oct-13 10:02:11

That's why we do it I think Jinsei, for the kids and the team.

Personally I would be 'No DS you can't do it because we can't get you there'.

Jinsei Sat 05-Oct-13 10:02:20

But as a SAHM it's something that has happened many times.

FWIW, it's happened to me many times as a FT WOHM too. smile

Sparklingbrook Sat 05-Oct-13 10:05:07

My two went to a village First School 6 miles away. One Mum got her child into the school then asked me to take her child there and back and she would pay me as she had to go to work in the other direction. shock

SilverApples Sat 05-Oct-13 10:07:04

Did you say no to that mother? Or did you doff your cap and say 'Yes'm'?
People will take the piss as long as there are compliant victims to be had.

Sparklingbrook Sat 05-Oct-13 10:08:53

I didn't do it, but can't remember what I said to her Silver.

greenfolder Sat 05-Oct-13 10:10:05

I have offered lifts, shared lifts and the like. What did make me smile, and I still remember it was the mum that had no car, couldn't drive and really couldn't afford either. I offered to take one of her kids with mine. She said that's really kind, to even things up can I do an evenings babysitting once a month? To me this is a perfect example of how it should be-fair exchange is no robbery.

Sparklingbrook Sat 05-Oct-13 10:13:15

That's lovely green-what a nice arrangement.

We are taking 3 others today. I have no idea of the reasons they can't get to training. <sigh>

We have this every single week
Ds1 is 14. Most parents don't really want to get up at 7am to watch their DCs play. It's just me&dh and 2 other parents.

Every single Friday we get an email from the coach. A,B,C,D need a lift to the match otherwise they cannot play.

Every single week the 3 of us drive at least 20 minutes out of our way to pick them up and drop them off afterwards.

And their parents are at home the whole time
They just don't want to go

mrsjay Sat 05-Oct-13 10:13:50

DOn't do it say no I dont drive and i would never ask somebody to take the dc anywhere if people offered that was lovely but more often than not if their dad wasn't around to drop them off we either walked or got the bus,

SilverApples Sat 05-Oct-13 10:14:40

I agree, greenfolder.
I put myself out for people all the time, with lifts and skills that are useful and baby/pet sitting and the rest. But only when I want to, when it is something that I enjoy or don't mind. No unbearable pressure.
The minute I start feeling the beginnings of a martyr complex, I give myself a boot up the bum and rethink what I'm doing and why.

Sparklingbrook Sat 05-Oct-13 10:22:05

I think some of that goes on too Tantrums. *You pull up and there's two cars on the drive, all the curtains shut, and the player shuts the front door ever so quietly. angry

But there are a couple whose parents are at work/don't drive to strange places.

Why sign them up?

Nectar Sun 06-Oct-13 09:16:01

I've experienced similar over the years. I don't drive btw so it's not transport I'm asked for, but childcare! Living in a village and working term time only, in school hours, means I'm often the first person people contact if they can't make the school run, held up at work, older kids supposed to be making their way to their OWN houses after school only to find they've forgotten their key so can they stay at mine until their parents get back, etc etc!

Of course I don't mind helping in an emergency, and always do. I think it's the assumption that I'm always available that irritates me, the phone calls half hour before school run, 'Oh if you're going up can you pick up so-and-so as I'm running late, I'll collect her from you as soon as I can.' Or 'Do you mind holding on to my boys when school finishes, I'm running late but will be there soon!'

People are normally later than they say they'll be, kids often don't want to go home when collected so I can often find a couple of hours has been taken up, which I wasn't banking on!

I'm lucky, I know, working the hours I do but sometimes I feel like being totally selfish and saying 'No, this time is for me and my kids'. I rarely do though, if people know you're doing school run/going straight home it's difficult to say No! I can't pretend I'm doing something else either as somebody will see me, it's such a small place. So I sympathise with all you drivers who feel put upon at times!

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 06-Oct-13 09:21:00

I would only do it if the parent came as well.

Sparklingbrook Sun 06-Oct-13 09:23:17

It's the assumption isn't it Nectar? That's what annoys me.
I had one Mum that was continually asking me to bring her DS home from school.
He was the worst behaved child ever, very rude to my own DS and would spend the journey in the back of the car gloating about everything from school achievements to toys.

She rang me saying she was unwell one afternoon. When I delivered her DS her DH answered the door and said she had 'popped to the shops'. angry

MidniteScribbler Sun 06-Oct-13 09:34:19

I had the mother of one of my students come up to me after school one day a couple of years ago.

Mother: "I'm signed little Johnny up for the Xxxxxxx soccer club at Xxxxx Park on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons."
Me: "That's nice, I'm sure it will be great for him."
Mother: " Yes, and since you live near there, you can drop him off for me so I don't have to come to school on those afternoons."

Sparklingbrook Sun 06-Oct-13 09:35:35

shock Midnite that is awful. Even if you wanted to you couldn't anyway could you? What did you say?

DameFellatioNelson Sun 06-Oct-13 09:37:17

shock

No. No. Tell me it's not so.

shock

I once had a mother ask me to look after her DD for a fortnight. I was on leave that fortnight. She could not understand that this was my holiday time and I did not want to spend it childminding her DD.
Some people are just chancers.

Sparklingbrook Sun 06-Oct-13 09:41:51

shock Katie.

One Mum asked DS1 to go round to play with her DS1 (same class at school). Lovely. Except in the next breath she said 'You can take my DS2 back with you to play with your DS2. They had never met. confused

It got better. She then offered to pay me for doing it.
I had to say most firmly that I am not a childminder ( I'm a civil servant FFS), I don't need or want money, I do not want to be your childcare solution. I am on fricking holiday!
She got it eventually grin

MidniteScribbler Sun 06-Oct-13 10:09:46

I told her that I couldn't take her child as a) I was not insured to take other people's children off site unless a registered school activity, b) I rarely left school before 5pm anyway in those days, and c) (in the nicest possible way) that it wasn't my job to get her child to after school care.

Without fail, every year, there is always one parent asking if I'll babysit for them on school holidays. It's bizarre. I can't imagine why you would ever think that it's acceptable.

Marlowmarlowmarlow Sun 06-Oct-13 10:25:06

We have someone like this is DS2s footie team. Always emails asking for lifts the day before. Sometimes doesn't even watch home matches that are 300m from her house. The dad works Saturday mornings but the mum generally just can't be bothered to get up.

I remember one away match last year that she did actually drive to, it was really cold and sleeting, really miserable. She said she was going back to her car to get a hat then texted someone 40mins later saying she had fallen asleep in the car and what was the score!!

She is a classic for always wanting lifts or favours but never offering them back, in any context. I feel quite sorry for her DS.

Helenagrace Sun 06-Oct-13 10:39:41

I work from home and all local schools have sent letters out about strike action on October 17th. I've offered to have to lovely polite girls who have a mum who would help me out if I needed it but for the rest I'll be using ""No" is a complete sentence" a lot in the next week.

I'd never accept an unequal life sharing arrangement if I couldn't reciprocate. I think I'm in a minority though.

Sparklingbrook Sun 06-Oct-13 10:44:04

Yes Helen say 'I would, but I don't want to'. smile

Marlow ah yes we have a 'sitting in the car at the footy' Mum too. I suppose at least she's made the effort a bit. But i think standing on the sidelines is generally expected.

mumofthemonsters808 Sun 06-Oct-13 10:45:34

I would not dream of doing this, how cheeky. I don't drive so DC are not signed up for anything that I can not get them to. I would have to be very desperate to ask anyone to go out of their way for me.

I'm a stay at home in bed footie mum grin
After the first 5 years it was over to you, DH. He coached them. I got to stay with DD who was no longer willing to sit bored on the sidelines for most of Sunday.
We did other stuff instead.
DH and DS are about to leave for today's game. DD and I are off out to get her some new clothes for college, with some lunch thrown in grin We may even have a glass of wine....

Ireallymustbemad Sun 06-Oct-13 10:58:16

Katie it's different when you have other children to look after, it's not fair to always expect the whole family to stand out in the cold. The mum I'm thinking of has an older DS but he is fairly self sufficient so doesn't need looking after. I just think it's a bit sad that there is no-one there to see him play.

Sparklingbrook Sun 06-Oct-13 10:59:27

We have two footballing DSs. there's no escape. grin

I agree. I would go if DH didn't, in fact I did for many years when DC were still in primary school.
DH and DFIL and sometimes DBIL attend the games religiously. My role now is washing the strips thrice weekly and pretending interest in the score wink

waikikamookau Sun 06-Oct-13 11:03:32

sounds like it is the football club that is organising the lifts OP? probably told the parents that lifts could be arranged. I know when my ds did rugby we were told lifts could be arranged, so if you are taking your DS you can take another DS.
can you ask your club if you can cag a lift for your ds occasionally? make it fair?

I have had many years of taxiing. More than most because we live in a small village with very little public transport. With teenagers there are often long distances between friends homes.
I only work part time and DH is retired so we are always available for lifts, and DH always does the late night ones wink.
Actually I miss it a bit now that DS1 can drive.
Some parents bend over backwards to reciprocate but others never do.
One of DS1s friends has done more miles in my car than his own I think. His parents never, ever do lifts.

Sparklingbrook Sun 06-Oct-13 11:11:54

The players ask DS over Facebook *waiki, so not even asking us, or even the parents asking us. Very hard to say no to a child. sad

Idespair Sun 06-Oct-13 11:12:12

People will ask in the hope they can get out of stuff. I know a mum who will ask other mums to pick her child/ren up from school any day she can't be bothered (no work or other reason). Lots of people have wised up to it and refuse so those left doing it are the very polite/those who don't like confrontation and the new chokdren/parents who have yet to realise. I felt bad for a new mum who was asked (and agreed) to take this woman's dc home - it's not like I could have gone up to get and said, look x is a complete user so don't take her dc home without looking like a monstrous bitch myself. That's how these people get away with it. Everyone is too polite!

Just been talking to DH and yes, he's taking a few teens with AWOL parents this week. He says it is a rare Sunday when he doesn't. However, DH would never miss a game, ever. He is obsessed with the damn game. He played for a club as a yoof, coaches, is on the committee and is Sky Sports most ardent fan grin

SamG76 Sun 06-Oct-13 11:29:21

We always end up taking some kids along to the footie with DS, but strictly on the basis that they are brought to and collected from our house. Hassle for us is therefore pretty minimal.

TheGirlFromIpanema Sun 06-Oct-13 11:31:00

I must be lucky cos apart from the odd one or two taking the piss a few years ago, I have loads of reciprocal driving arrangements for dc's activities, and then childcare too.

I work at home most of the time, which means people know I am available a lot at short notice and for lifts; but when I am out working I have no flexibility at all so I love that I have a team of people I know I can call on when needed.

I have taken one of ds's friends to and from all training and matches for over a year now and its great! He lives round the corner, his mum often comes along too plus her ds is no bother anyway. So far she has bought me a massage and manicure as well as flowers/chocs and wine at various intervals grin I tell her not to of course, and her ds is great for the team, but well, if she will insist on paying in kind with goodies, who am I to argue grin

Leeds2 Sun 06-Oct-13 14:02:54

If these people are ringing up an hour or so before their children need collecting, I think I would just not answer the phone!

I accept a lot of lifts for DD because although I can drive, I am not the world's best and lack any confidence. So, I offer to help when I am in a position to do so, and offer OH's help when he is around. I think it evens itself up.

silverten Sun 06-Oct-13 14:22:44

Lift-selfishness is clearly rubbish.

I'm curious, though- when you find yourself watching the DCs at stupid o'clock every cold winter Saturday, why no one brings camping chairs, blankets and hot chocolate in a flask?

Strikes me that you could turn it into a bit of fun gossiping time instead of being cold and uncomfortable. But I've never done it myself so I may well have missed something there.

Sparklingbrook Sun 06-Oct-13 14:24:24

I always take a chair and a hot drink silverten. But I am in the minority. A lot of parents keep warm by effing and jeffing at the ref shouting a lot.

meditrina Sun 06-Oct-13 14:27:19

I will admit to shamelessly asking for lifts, when a particular set of domestic circumstances have come together and everything would get stuffed up otherwise. Sometimes, those circumstances have lasted quite a while.

But, and I hope this is a adequate mitigation for those of you who feel landed ont he other end of this, I would a) offer lifts copiously when back on the road again (literally), b) offer (specifically or by mentioning general willingness) to accompany sundry children to various venues on public transport and c) offer things like looking after various children on the days when school pick up arrangements went wrong.

I couldn't always match the favours like for like, but I would always keep throwing what I could back into the pot in the hope it all balances out eventually.

Oh I don't miss the football phase one little bit. I remember those freezing Sunday mornings on soggy pitches cringing at all the fishwives mothers yelling at their DC / the ref / the coach / each other.

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