AIBU to think this was worst dinner guest ever

(227 Posts)
AlleyAlleyO Thu 03-Oct-13 16:42:59

DP's friend C came round last night for dinner, with his new girlfriend, F. We have only met her briefly, in the pub.

We invited them over last night, I did a slow-cooked pork and apple thing, with blackberry tart and whipped cream for dessert.

Initially I'd done the whole 'we're having this for dinner, hope that's OK' and C had gone 'ooh lovely', no objections from F.

When I served dinner, she just sort of looked at her plate and said 'actually, I'm a bit fussy. I'll have a bit of the sauce though, and a slice of bread to dip in'.

Cue apologies from me, are you sure that's all you'll eat etc. She maintained it was fine, she'd just have a bit of bread. I was pissed off, but whatever.

I brought her the bread and continued my own dinner. Two minutes later, F asks if there is any butter as she now doesn't want to dip the bread in sauce, she just wants bread and butter.

I go and get her the butter. She eats bread and butter.

Long story short (C looking embarrassed, DP shocked, me fuming) when dessert comes out, she seems pleased and asks what kind of tart it is. i say blackberry. She says she's sorry, but she doesn't eat anything picked from the wild.

I ask her does can I get her anything else, she ends up eating mini jammie dodgers from the biscuit barrel. They leave soon after.

I am still not over the shock and have told DP she's never coming round for dinner again- or if she does, I'm not counting her in grin

thehorridestmumintheworld Thu 03-Oct-13 16:45:50

Lol next time invite me instead. At least she is cheap to feed if you do invite her again.

Chusband Thu 03-Oct-13 16:45:51

I feel your pain but your post did make me laugh. She's a knob - try and see the funny side!

looseleaf Thu 03-Oct-13 16:46:44

I don't know, I'd have found this annoying too but on the grand scheme of things have decided we're all different and not to get too het up if someone is quirky. It'd be maddening in say a flat mate though. Did you like her otherwise?

YouTheCat Thu 03-Oct-13 16:47:36

Bloody hell! Is she 4? grin

At least you now have a 'worst dinner party' story for subsequent dinner parties.

ScottishDiblet Thu 03-Oct-13 16:47:42

Oh my god she was clearly a maniac! She doesn't eat anything picked from the wild?!! YANBU. This has really tickled me! Thank you. I was once present at a dinner when someone confessed to not eating, fish or potatoes (it was fish pie for din) or greens so he ended up with beans on toast!

BreeWannabe Thu 03-Oct-13 16:48:05

YANBU. How shockingly rude, ungracious and ill-mannered!

Maggietess Thu 03-Oct-13 16:48:16

Yadnbu! What a rude princess!
Why did she accept a fricking "dinner" invitation if she's such an oddball!
Never have the woman again and hope that it showed C what an idiot she is and he gets rid!

christinarossetti Thu 03-Oct-13 16:48:30

I wonder if she has an eating disorder?

Anyway, inviting her round for meals definitely not playing to her strengths for future reference.

DidoTheDodo Thu 03-Oct-13 16:49:08

I suspect she may be your friends ex gf before the day is out.

Your menu sounds lovely.

MagzFarqharson Thu 03-Oct-13 16:49:12

How old was she, OP? Presumably more than 6?

Chusband Thu 03-Oct-13 16:49:25

scottish who doesn't eat potatoes?! What's offensive about a potato? How do you even get throughife not eating potatoes?!

YouTheCat Thu 03-Oct-13 16:49:34

It is shockingly bad manners. Unless someone has a genuine allergy, you eat what you're served. Okay if you're a fussy bugger like me you might have to declare yourself full before you actually are but you make the effort.

expatinscotland Thu 03-Oct-13 16:49:38

This reminds me of the thread in the not too recent past with many completely normalising 'fussiness' that amounted to disordered eating.

Chusband Thu 03-Oct-13 16:49:53

through life

The slow cooked pork and apple thing sounds delicious - could I ask for the recipe, pleaseandthankyou?

YouTheCat Thu 03-Oct-13 16:50:40

I feel really hungry now. grin

ScottishDiblet Thu 03-Oct-13 16:52:20

Chusband I know!!! My best friend was traumatised. She can't stop talking about it and it was five years ago! I have no idea if he could eat anything at our wedding.

I want blackberry tart now!

Sybilvimes Thu 03-Oct-13 16:52:37

I don't eat potatoes. When we were little (and completely skint), we spent weeks just eating potatoes from those huge brown bags you could buy.

Now just looking at potatoes makes me feel nauseous. Just saying.

Rowlers Thu 03-Oct-13 16:52:50

I must admit I find fussy grown-up eaters too annoying for words.

CostaLady Thu 03-Oct-13 16:53:37

My DS won't eat potatoes in any shape or form, the weirdy weirdo. Or pasta. Hmm, maybe he's on the Atkins come to think of it.

MammaTJ Thu 03-Oct-13 16:54:40

I make the slow cooked pork and apple thing a lot in winter. My DS moans about it though, but he is 7!

How rude!

PractialJoke Thu 03-Oct-13 16:55:22

Until you got to the nothing from the wild bit i would have agreed but that's such an odd thing to say i wonder if there are some deep seated food issues.

Do you think she knew ahead of time the were staying for dinner?

jeansdoneupwitharubberband Thu 03-Oct-13 16:55:31

this kind of behaviour gets my goat! yadnu! my soon to be mil did this once at my dmums, my mum had cooked up a big veg lasagna (to accomodate soon to be fil) mil announced they wouldnt eat that, theyd just have an omelette! like they were in a fucking restaurant! aaaaaah and relax.

expatinscotland Thu 03-Oct-13 16:57:11

To which I'd have replied, jeans, 'Oh, so sorry, it's not on the menu, but there's a restaurant . . . '

yes i like the sound of it too...feel free to post recipe OP grin

people like this baffle me, they really do. i wonder what she DOES eat?

Makqueen2 Thu 03-Oct-13 16:58:57

I bet he soon finishes with her. That sort of thing is so embarrassing.

When I was younger, I took a new boyfriend to may fathers house for dinner. He was a vegetarian. My dad is too - he made jacket potatoes, a huge salad, chargrilled veg and halloumi. BF took one look at his plate and said, "oh, I don't like any of this, I'll get something later".

I'd seen him eat all that sort of thing before. I thought he was incredibly rude and it really coloured my opinion of him - I've eaten all kinds of things I don't like to be polite at other peoples houses and told them it was delicious. I finished with him soon after.

BeCool Thu 03-Oct-13 16:59:31

You've got to wonder why she would go to someone elses home for dinner if she was that fussy an eater?

Nothing from the wild? Is she a plasticarian?
(Don't google, I made it up)

FixItUpChappie Thu 03-Oct-13 17:02:46

she doesn't eat anything picked from the wild

What the actual fuck! shockgrin

How can you even date someone so ridiculous

Stinkyminkymoo Thu 03-Oct-13 17:03:19

Annoying! How rude! though I would have lied and said they were frozen blackberries from sainsbos

SorrelForbes Thu 03-Oct-13 17:03:20

OP, your menu sounds delicious.

I'm another potato hater! I've never eaten them, even as a toddler. I can't abide the taste but primarily it's a texture thing (I think) as I don't like broad beans, kidney beans or baked beans either. However, I'll pretty much eat anything else, and I mean anything. Dripping, pigs knuckles, jellied eels the lot grin

LauraChant Thu 03-Oct-13 17:06:22

Ooh, I am doing a pork, potato and apple thing right now! It is in the oven as we speak. Recipe in October Country Living (thinly sliced potatoes and apples and onion cooking in stock, pan fried pork chops on top for 20 mins after an hour).

re: the blackberries I would have been tempted to say "actually they were not picked in the wild, they are special genetically modified berries that were grown in a lab. Yum. "

Sounds a gorgeous menu. I'd like that recipe too please for slow-cooked pork and apples sounds lovely!

PrincessKitKat Thu 03-Oct-13 17:08:51

Surely the vast majority food is picked 'from the wild' to some extent?

You know - In a field, with mud & rain and little animals to pollenate the plants and things?

Does she know food doesn't grow in plastic poly boxes? confused

pigletmania Thu 03-Oct-13 17:09:20

Yanbu at all, how old is she! Even my 20 month old ds is not like this, but Autistic dd 6 is though. I had one onece, a couple I knew, but not good friends. I cooked a lovely beef, she Asked for salt, I gave her it, and she proceeded to dowse it in salt, than left it. I was shock, the rudeness of some eh

kali110 Thu 03-Oct-13 17:12:08

How do you not eat anything from the wild??
I would have tried to eat it even though im not a fan of pork.
Suppose though if i went for dinner and they served eggs i really couldnt do it!cant even look at the things.
That dessert sounds fab though

NoMoreMadCatLady Thu 03-Oct-13 17:13:27

No need to not invite her again, she's an easy dinner guest.

I'd suggest a dairylea dipper next time or one of those snak atak boxes, served on a plastic ikea toddler plate. Pack on mini jammie dodgers ( you know she likes them, & having the same desert as last time is fine) in the coordinating ikea plastic bowl.

The grown ups can have proper food. grin

MrsPennyapple Thu 03-Oct-13 17:16:11

Oh dear, she sounds awful! I bet C was mortified.

I desperately want slow cooked pork and apple now, please please post the recipe OP!

How could you not say:

"Are you aware all food grows outside you daft fucker"?

I could barely be polite I think so well done you

ZingWantsCake Thu 03-Oct-13 17:33:47

was this girlfriend 5 years old?

Tabby1963 Thu 03-Oct-13 17:33:59

Ally I feel sorry for her, fancy turning down a home made slow cooked pork and apple, with freshly picked blackberries baked in a tart, with cream (salivating like made now) for bread and butter and jammie dodgers? Sad or what? I am thinking that she won't be C's girlfriend for much longer if she is that fussy about food.

Maggietess Thu 03-Oct-13 17:34:16

Maqueen2 that reminds me of when my sister's teenage bf turned up at my family home years ago (randomly, at dinner time) , mum asked him would he like to stay for dinner as she was just making it.

He asked what she was making and when she replied spaghetti bolognese said (and I quote) "nah you're all right, I'm not hungry....

They then went into the front room. 20 mins later doorbell goes and it's domino's for him shock WTF?! Who does that!

expatinscotland Thu 03-Oct-13 17:44:23

Fussy eaters were always dumped promptly material back when I was single.

phantomnamechanger Thu 03-Oct-13 17:44:50

crikey, so many examples of rudeness on here! these people were obviously pandered to and never taught manners as kids!

my kids eat politely when we are at someones for a meal - they have eaten all sorts of things they would never choose to eat, including rarer than we like it beef, etc.

turning your nose up at a meal someone has obviously gone to a lot of effort over (or in fact, even if they have whipped up something dead quick on the spur of the moment) is just so RUDE. You would think they would be concerned about making a good impression, but evidently not!

DHs first meal he cooked for me was fish pie - I had visions of it being one of those things with heads sticking out of it, which it wasn't, of course, but I would have bloomin eaten it anyway!

becsbornunderadancingstar Thu 03-Oct-13 17:46:28

Oh that sounds sooo yummy!

Well, I've had a similar dinner guest. Only worse because I specifically asked him before whether there was anything he didn't eat and he said 'no, it's all fine'.

Starter - scallops and chorizo 'Oh, I don't eat shellfish... or pork'
Main course - steak and ale pie with peas and mash 'I don't eat peas, and I don't like meat if there's gravy on it, and I don't eat peas and I don't like mash that's got butter in it... I'll have a bit of the pastry' (this last bit said as if he was doing me an ENORMOUS favour. He went on to steal almost all the pastry from the pie leaving very little for the other guests, but doing it as if he was being very good by eating it. Everyone was glaring at him - he even stole some pastry from MY plate!!!).
Dessert - semifreddo 'Oh that sounds a bit weird. Don't think I will.'

This was years ago and I'd still happily slap him with a wet scallop if I saw him again!

phantomnamechanger Thu 03-Oct-13 17:46:57

what on earth can she have meant about the food grown outside BTW? was she concerned about it being from a diseased or polluted bush?

for goodness sake don't tell her where butter comes from, or that bread is made from a ground up plant!

phantomnamechanger Thu 03-Oct-13 17:48:30

becs, what is semifreddo - half a chocolate frog? (sorry!)

spatchcock Thu 03-Oct-13 17:48:48

Could you raise some funds and send her on one of those weekends away with Bear Grylls? Wild berries will look pretty good once she's faced with raw rabbit intestines washed down with her own piss.

phantomnamechanger Thu 03-Oct-13 17:49:36

I googled it, sounds lovely!

becsbornunderadancingstar Thu 03-Oct-13 17:49:50

Ha - I think he'd have eaten that phantomnamechanger - it was a bit like this

phantomnamechanger Thu 03-Oct-13 17:50:49

oooh yummy!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Thu 03-Oct-13 17:51:36

If she ate the jammy dodgers surly the jam is made from strawberries which grow in the wild.

expatinscotland Thu 03-Oct-13 17:52:55

Why on Earth did everyone sit round and let him eat the pastry? FFS! 'Hey, what are you doing?! Paws off! The rest of us like pastry, too. If you don't like what's being served here, why don't you leave and go to a restaurant?'

And yes, I'd have said this to another guest.

Makqueen2 Thu 03-Oct-13 17:56:41

If someone nicked my share of pastry there would be a bloodbath.

becsbornunderadancingstar Thu 03-Oct-13 17:57:11

I wish you'd been there expat. We all sat there going shock like a bunch of guppies. I wasn't with DH at the time. He'd have said something. No-one would dare touch DH's pastry.

PlatinumStart Thu 03-Oct-13 17:58:24

I'm not sure why you took it so personally TBH

I love food, will pretty much eat anything and love cooking and whilst I'd be a little disappointed if a guest just wanted bread and butter I can't imagine being vitriolic

I went to a dinner party where a guest had emailed the host a list of food he didn't eat. It included seafood and pasta in cream sauce. The host cooked an entirely separate meal for him, which he then didn't eat and asked for a helping of what everyone else was having - creamy pasta.

fuzzpig Thu 03-Oct-13 18:04:44

Arf at 'plasticarian'

AveryJessup Thu 03-Oct-13 18:05:09

Why did she think the blackberries were necessarily picked from the wild? You could well have picked up a punnet of them in Sainsbury's for all she knows - would that have been more acceptable?

Could she have been sick maybe? That's the only time I could imagine wanting to eat bland stuff like bread and butter and biscuits and my stomach turning over at the thought of anything else. Maybe she was too embarrassed to say as she doesn't know you that well. A stomach bug would explain why she accepted a dinner invitation too but then didn't want to eat anything.

IceCreamForCrow Thu 03-Oct-13 18:05:40

ROFL at 'she doesn't eat anything picked from the wild' grin That's brilliant! At that point she would have been a valued guest at ours for sheer enterainment value alone.

Tbh I've given up on picky people like that. You asked if the food was ok, she said yes.

If she wants to play up all over the meal I'dve ignored it. She is ill mannered and that's her problem. And I wouldn't have even offered the jammy dodgers.

ElephantsAndMiasmas Thu 03-Oct-13 18:06:32

That's terrific. I do think there's something numbing about VERY bad manners though, in that everyone else sort of waits for the rude-ee to realise they are being a dick of gigantic proportions, and by the time you clock that they have no idea, it's too late and the moment to say "OIIIIII, PASTRY TWAT!" has sadly passed.

YouTheCat Thu 03-Oct-13 18:06:55

If I had a stomach bug I'd be politely declining and not wanting to pass it on.

becsbornunderadancingstar Thu 03-Oct-13 18:14:17

ROFL ElephantsAndMiasmas That's EXACTLY what it was. And now I want to track him down on Facebook and just send the message: "OIIIIII, PASTRY TWAT!" Even though that moment actually passed fifteen years ago a while back.

Tavv Thu 03-Oct-13 18:15:47

Is she pregnant and not wanting to eat certain foods?

AveryJessup Thu 03-Oct-13 18:16:06

I mean she might have been recovering from one You

I'm feeling very charitable towards humankind today grin

Bahhhhhumbug Thu 03-Oct-13 18:17:18

We once went out for Sunday lunch and it ended up being a pub crawl round every place that served Sunday lunch within a five mile radius of our house before we finally sat down at about the tenth place we had looked at the menu. The reason ? My adult pampered SS who lived with us and he just eliminated every menu outside these places one by one. DH just got back in the car with him in every car park (I stopped bothering getting out of car after first few !) and said 'No , nothing there that SSsname likes' and off we drove to another.
He doesn't like Sunday lunch basically so why oh why bother coming along and dragging us round like that
l made sure never to agree to Sunday lunch out again with SS with us . OP l feel your pain , you did tell them both in advance what you were having , tbh she sounds a bit PA to me , a bit like a wind up - as others have said she could well soon be an ex.

littleblackno Thu 03-Oct-13 18:20:50

I have a friend who's like this but she's pretty open about it and probably just wouldn't have come for dinner for fear of appearing rude (it's her issue and she knows its an issue iyswim).
Your guest was just rude!

My pork and apple thing is half pork, half sausages (both naice from butcher), sliced leeks, diced onions, stock, a slug of apple juice or cider, and a spoonful of grainy mustard. Leave in low oven for blinking ages, serve with mashed potato and a couple of sweet ish crunchy ish vegetables such as peas and carrots.

Oops, forgot bad guest story.

Shared student house, one of whom has a birthday. I am cooking. Associated other halves are invited by default, but one girlfriend says no she's going home.

Only she doesn't. She huffs round the kitchen sneering at everything and generally getting in the way. She was still there when I dished up, but instead of making herself scarce at long last or going "ooh go on then can I try a tiny bit, she insisted her boyfriend get up from his dinner to make her something else.

They split up not long afterwards. He runs a foodie import business now. And she can still FTFO.

MrsHoratioNelson Thu 03-Oct-13 18:38:16

Now you see I really don't like fruit in savoury dishes and I particularly dislike pork and apple, but I wouldn't dream of saying anything and I would have eaten it all, made nice comments about how delicious it was and turned down seconds

I recently went for dinner with friends who had clearly gone to a lot of trouble on a meal that unfortunately won full house on my food dislike bingo card I'm not fussy honest we got home and DH looked at me and expressed admiration that I was able to eat it all and not let on that I really didn't enjoy it that much. It's just polite not to turn your nose up at food unless you have a genuine allergy/intolerance or dietary requirements as a point of principle. I always ask guests if there's anything they don't eat and try to be accommodating but I wouldn't say to someone "oh no, I don't like xyz".

Actually, I do say that I really won't eat coleslaw, but that's usually easy to avoid smile

ICameOnTheJitney Thu 03-Oct-13 18:40:03

I wonder if she has an eating disorder. When I was about 20 I did and I went to my boyfriend's friend's home and he'd done this lovely dinner...with the help of his fiancee...all meat and veg and done on the BBQ and I ate....NOTHING. blush

I was ill. I couldn't help it and nor could I see that it was thoughtless of me.

Other times I would ask for a peanut butter sandwich if I was really stuck...I ate one peanut butter sandwich about every 4 days and that was all.

nomorecrumbs Thu 03-Oct-13 18:42:36

lol nothing picked from the wild!! what a knob.

ObamasElfWithAOuijaBoard Thu 03-Oct-13 18:47:36

Is she a fruitarian like the woman in 'Notting Hill' who will only eat fruit that has fallen from the tree naturally?

She didn't like your meal and made an excuse. Is it such a big deal hmm. Perhaps it didn't look or smell very nice (to her). Do you have pets in the kitchen? Some people are a bit funny about cats on the work surface or dogs sniffing round the cook.

That aside although I like sausages I can't bear them casseroled, as they skins go slimy and the sauce is greasy. If you'd told me pork casserole I'd have thought yum, but struggled to eat pork and sausage casserole. As for blackberries, well they do grow by busy roads and at dog leg height. If you haven't picked them yourself you could be forgiven for worrying about dog pee and diesel fumes. Can't say as it has ever bothered me, but it would be an explanation. 'Wild' is a politer explanation than 'potentially covered in dog pee grin

Iloverusks Thu 03-Oct-13 19:05:29

How rude!!

Made me chuckle tho! Many of times I have grimaced through food I don't like that has been made for me, but I could never not eat it!

expatinscotland Thu 03-Oct-13 19:05:32

Then why go to a dinner party? If there is stuff you don't like, don't go!

ReviewsOffers Thu 03-Oct-13 19:05:32

I love these threads

More please!

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos Thu 03-Oct-13 19:05:41

Horry: any specifics, I'd love to try it! And you, OP?

Department Thu 03-Oct-13 19:06:34

Maybe I was brought up odd, but I don't think there's any excuse for not making a very good effort with whatever you're offered when visiting.

I remember going for tea to new neighbours with my mum and sister when I was about 9. They were Italian (very exotic!) and she'd made a "special" Italian cake. I've no idea what it was, but it was vile. I knew it must be bad because when the lady went to the loo my mum stuffed all three of our pieces in her handbag. The first time ever we'd been allowed to say we didn't like what was offered, but even then there was no way we were going to tell our host. Never before or since have I experienced cake I couldn't eat blush

In the case of the OP I do wonder if there might be a serious underlying issue. You say you invited them the night before. Was the invite actually given to him? Did he accept without consulting her? Did she even know before they met that evening what their plans were? If it was dropped on her like that and she has food issues, she coped very well!

AlleyAlleyO Thu 03-Oct-13 19:15:02

She was knocking back the wine like there was no tomorrow, so I don't think she's pregnant. To be honest she seemed like a fairly friendly and normal person before the bread and butter fiasco.

She's 32.

The slow cooked pork and apple is simple, rub your pork loin/chop/whatever with a little bit of honey and mustard, stick it in the slow cooker along with one or two onions and about 4 decent sized apples (I judge it as an apple per person) and cook for 8 hours.

It's lovely too. I was all excited because as well as having recurrent anxiety and depression, I'm dead common grin and not in the habit of having people round for dinner (parents thought a chippy round at my uncle's was the height of sophistication) whereas DP's lot are a very dinnery bunch. Oh well, I tried.

AlleyAlleyO Thu 03-Oct-13 19:18:18

Oh sorry, by 'last night' they came round last night, we invited them last week when DP bumped into his friend. So she did know in advance.

I think I'll give her the benefit of the doubt though, maybe she was sickening for something grin

Crowler Thu 03-Oct-13 19:20:17

Rude. As said before, at least you have a "worst dinner guest ever" story.

May I just suggest, though, that a lot of people I have an aversion to fruit and meat together. But they should just deal with it.

ThePuffyShirt Thu 03-Oct-13 19:29:35

I would hate pork & apple & I really dislike pudding, but I would've eaten everything served to me & praised it too.

Your guest was really impolite, OP.

happyyonisleepyyoni Thu 03-Oct-13 19:34:37

Silly bitch!

Threalamandaclarke Thu 03-Oct-13 19:49:24

Poor thing. She obviously has issues with food. Try to be kind.
All I can think of is blackberry tart and whipped cream.envy

AlleyAlleyO Thu 03-Oct-13 19:52:46

There was more blackberry tart left for me

I was happy wink

I made a lovely sponge cake with blackberries picked from my garden. My uncle was enjoying his slice til my brother said "cat wee" ala Harry hill hmm lol!

quoteunquote Thu 03-Oct-13 20:00:41

Can I come around for dinner, I promise to eat everything you put in front of me,pleasssssssse?

She was rude, badly brought up and will have a limited life, at least you found out before you wasted any more energy on her, I wonder if she went to MaccyDs on the way home, lots of safe processed food.

ZingWantsCake Thu 03-Oct-13 20:02:11

Ams go and have some then!

TwoAndTwo - have sent you a pm

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 03-Oct-13 20:18:59

I would hate pork and apple. I don't like sweet and savoury together, it's just wrong to me. I would however eat it to be polite.

Not eating anything picked from the wild? Wtf? Isn't that everything then?

Tavv Thu 03-Oct-13 20:25:15

The food sounds delicious OP. But in any case, everyone knows you smile and eat what you're given at a dinner party, don't they? So one explanation is that she was being rude. But there are also other possibilities such as eating disorders or phobias etc. And with that situation maybe she'd usually say no to a dinner party but was persuaded by her OP.

Tavv Thu 03-Oct-13 20:25:29

OH not OP grin

vj32 Thu 03-Oct-13 20:29:09

This thread makes me feel much better. I'm a vegetarian and have been in fairly cringeworthy situations several times (mostly when I was a child although the most recent was a very posh wedding this summer) where I have to explain that that particular dish isn't vegetarian and can I just eat the sides instead. These stories make me feel very normal in comparison.

lljkk Thu 03-Oct-13 20:30:40

It wouldn't have bothered me at all what she did or didn't eat. confused
Obviously I am not one who belongs on the dinner party circuit.

friday16 Thu 03-Oct-13 20:32:36

If you haven't picked them yourself you could be forgiven for worrying about dog pee and diesel fumes.

I made four kilos of blackberry jam with fruit from the park last week. Lovely.

ZingWantsCake Thu 03-Oct-13 20:41:41

vj but wouldn't a boyfriend of yours know you are a vegetarian and bring it yo the host's attention when asked if a pork dish is ok?

unless of course you only met that day and this is your first meal together! grin

CMOTDibbler Thu 03-Oct-13 20:43:16

Sounds like my nephew (who is 19, and has no SN) - he basically only eats beige food, and makes a fuss about it. At christmas dinner he will have 7 roast potatoes and 1cm of beef. Oh, and pick the inside out of a roll while making yuck noises at the veg, and won't eat anything that has touched things he doesn't like.

Drives me insane - I don't mind what people eat, but I hate the making a drama out of it

MissDD1971 Thu 03-Oct-13 20:50:12

I'd give her 1 last chance and tell her boyfriend to get her to mention e.g. if she doesn't like fish/tomatoes whatever.

no harm in actually pointing out I think in advance if there's something you really don't like.

I eat and have ate most things and would think it height of rudeness to refuse to eat it but I can't say for sure if I have actually not eaten anything. I try it though. and make an effort to finish it. only polite to do so.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 03-Oct-13 20:53:39

32! You'd think she'd know better.

notthefirstagainstthewall Thu 03-Oct-13 20:54:33

You should have broken down in hysterical tears, huge sobs of "why WHY does no one like my food" etc etc.
She'd never come back...

TheCrumpetQueen Thu 03-Oct-13 21:03:34

Awesome pork belly recipe here crackling to die for.

ShakeAndVac Thu 03-Oct-13 21:07:34

That pork and apple dinner sounds gorgeous, and so does the blackberry tart, I'd have scoffed the lot! smile
From what you've said she definitely sounds to me like she has issues with food.
Especially the bit where she was going to dunk the bread in sauce and then 'couldn't' and just wanted butter. confused

ZingWantsCake Thu 03-Oct-13 21:20:57


I figured it out! She must be a fruitarian, like one of Hugh Grant's dates in Notting Hill!

Will : " these carrots"
Keziah : "Have been murdered, yes"
Will: "Murdered? Poor carrots. How beastly! "

grin grin

MrsKoala Thu 03-Oct-13 21:25:45

These are shock

I have a similar story to the pastry one. I did a buffet dinner for about 10 people, 4 (all one family) are veggies. I did Lamb mousaka for the meaties and veg lasagne for the veggies. The veggies ran to the table first when i brought out the food and whilst i went back into the kitchen for the salad, helped themselves. When i brought the salad out the mousaka dish was just a baking tray of mince and the lasagna was untouched. I looked round and the veggies plates were piled high with the topping they had scraped off the mousaka. I asked what they were doing. They said they didn't fancy lasagna but love mousaka and not to worry they didn't mind only having the topping. I said but i fried the aubergine and spuds in the meat pan and made them the lasagne specially. Not to worry they said, they didn't mind. They were acting like my annoyance was really worry for them, and not because they had massacred a dish i spent hours preparing. They were thick as pig shit and genuinely thought my obvious anger was concern for them. confused

x2boys Thu 03-Oct-13 21:29:20

very rude the first time I took dh home to meet my parents he had had a big tea and not told me my mum and dad had pushed the boat out made a big meal lots of wine there big on wine lol, dh sat and ate the lot did nt say anything and did nt tell me for months I was proud of him for that one poor man was stuffed to the gills but smiled and nodded politely throughout wine probably helped!

MrsKoala Thu 03-Oct-13 21:30:46

I think tho i would have had to question her. My incredulity would have been overwhelming. Did you not laugh and question the sublime 'from the wild' comment? Did you not ask what she does eat then? And then point out laughingly it is ALL from the wild?

My sister got really cross with me because i told her children (9) that the macdonalds they were eating was not special vegetarian burgers that they made specially for them which just looked and tasted like the meat burgers. grin How the fuck was i supposed to know the elaborate lie!?

Maybe it was the wrong gender pig for her?

I cant remember now whether it is the female or the male pig that has a smell that to some people is absolutely revolting.

I have to remember to ask my sister, because if I order the wrong gender, or the butcher cant tell, then we risk a Christmas dinner where my sister is gagging (and not eating) and I feel terrible! We have slow backed pork with crackling for Christmas dinner in Norway. Served with home made sour kraut, and dried apricots and prunes that has been lightly steamed, red cabbage with apple pieces, and cranberry sauce... Ommm nom nom...

bundaberg Thu 03-Oct-13 21:41:36

i'd wager she has some kind of OCD perhaps? not wanting things from the wild that are "dirty" perhaps?
or some kind of eating disorder.

but then you'd think her partner would know that by now and would not have accepted, or would have given you a heads up???

joannesroom Thu 03-Oct-13 21:48:11


You presumably ended up with a portion of delicious pork and apple, which you can freeze for a future emergency, some yummy pud to pop in the fridge for those peckish moments, and a great story about the most annoying dinner guest EVER, which you can dine out on indefinitely!

microserf Thu 03-Oct-13 21:53:33

Wow! I don't like pork, and I really don't like meat cooked with fruit. However, if you serve me something at your house, I will eat it without a word of complaint. How very very rude. I would also vote eating disorder.

I once went to a great aunts. I forgot to meant I was vegetarian and she had spent ages making a chicken pasta bake. I said I was vegetarian, and her face just fell. So, then I mentioned " except for chicken" and ate the lot. I don't regret making her happy as she was a sweetheart and it was my own damn fault not for telling her before I went and she went to all that trouble.

Was delicious too...

Floggingmolly Thu 03-Oct-13 22:01:45

Where do you think Sainsbury's get the berries from?? confused
They don't appear fully formed in the plastic punnets, you know.

Mynameismina Thu 03-Oct-13 22:12:50

Sorry, but I am going to disagree slightly. When I invite people over to eat, I want them to enjoy the experience, and whilst I dislike the fussy (I can only eat one shape of pasta type) I would not want anyone forcing down food that they dislike to be polite.

I was brought up to eat everything that was put in front of me, regardless of appetite or preference and although I eat most things I feel that way of eating is in the past.

I usually do a selection of dishes, all help yourself so that guests can eat what they want.

My two hates are eggs <<shudder>> and bananas <<vomit>>. Tbh if op had served me omelette followed by banana surprise I would have been on the bread and butter too. Anything else I would have eaten out of politeness.

WandaDoff Thu 03-Oct-13 22:19:46


YouTheCat Thu 03-Oct-13 22:23:17

That would be fair enough but OP said she had told them what she was serving up when she invited them. She could have said then really.

A rude guest story from me...

Friend had been invited for dinner. When I served up the food I'd spent ages choosing and preparing, he said, "Actually, I'm not really hungry. I stopped at a gallery opening on the way over and there was free food..." hmm

5madthings Thu 03-Oct-13 22:31:11

Omg how rude!

My sil is a bit like this and it drives me mental, she is incredibly fussy about what she will eat, unless its chocolate or biscuits... And she will sit and push the food around in the plate and make faces and do a hideous cough that sounds like she is going to puke. Every time she visits she has a new 'allergy' she is allergic to cheese....but pizza is OK hmm drives me fucking mental, I used to make an effort to cook something she said she liked but as she continued to fuss even over things she said she liked I have stopped bothering and make whatever.

Last time we had beef bornigion (sp) and she spent ages 'chewing' bits of beef and then took them out of her mouth into the side if her plate envy it had been cooked in the slow cooker for eight hours and melted in your mouth ffs.

My two year old has better manners!

Drives me mental but DPs mum and other relatives insist on pandering to it, else she will cry/be sick...

Calabria Thu 03-Oct-13 22:35:00

ExP used to brew beer. To celebrate the latest batch of beer he invited a good friend over to sample it and made a meat pie to go with it. His friend arrived at the designated time with his teenage son in tow.

The teenager announced that he didn't like meat pie or beer. I'm afraid I very rudely told him that he hadn't been invited and that he didn't have to have any. blush

TheBigJessie Thu 03-Oct-13 22:35:28

I've encountered a few people who have a thing about "wild food". What it basically comes down to, in my opinion, is a belief that only intentionally grown food is definitely not poisonous and that if pesticides are used, insects never touched it, and it was washed industrially and properly before it went into the packets.

Or to put it another way:

Given a choice between eating the new neighbour's mushroom pie which he says feature mushrooms he picked last night, and a mushroom pie made with a collection of mushrooms from Sainsbury's (in a packet marked "country living"), loads of people would pick the latter!

Yes, it's easy to distinguish edible and poisonous fruit, but you only know that if you, erm, know that.

If you've grown up thinking that wild berries and mushrooms are terribly difficult and scary, you go round being a nit about blackberries. Seriously, loads of people assume they're poisonous.

That menu sounds lovely grin please point us in the direction of your recipes!

ClockWatchingLady Thu 03-Oct-13 22:53:47

YANBU. Must have been pretty disappointing after making such a nice meal.

(But.... I have to say I agree with people saying it sounds like some kind of eating disorder (with anxiety/obsessive/problem with novelty element?). Did she seem to have other anxiety problems?).

DumSpiroSpero Thu 03-Oct-13 23:10:37

We had a guest for dinner a while back who kicked off the evening by asking me if I'd managed to lose any weight since we'd last got together, regaled me with a week by week account of her own weight loss via a well known slimming club and proceeded to pick all the tempura batter off the king prawns (starter so there were only five each).

She then lit up at the table between courses and after dinner had a pop at me for missing a move in the game we were playing.

In spite of the batter removal she managed to eat pudding, put a sizeable dent in the cheeseboard and wash it down with at least one bottle of wine shock !

Normally get on OK but...grrr...

Worst meal I ever sat through was the one my first boyfriend cooked when I went round to meet his parents - liver casserole, boiled potatoes and peas. I ate the lot even though I couldn't stand any of it. Thankfully his mum's puddings more than made up for it smile .

5Foot5 Thu 03-Oct-13 23:15:05

Oh the pork and apple-y thing sounds lovely. Did it have some sort of stock or other liquid to cook it in?

And I love, love love blackberries!

Sinful1 Fri 04-Oct-13 00:32:20

in regards to the berries, not a transplant patient is she?

i used to know one and she had to be very careful about eating certain because she was so vulnerable to infection. i.e 3 second rule was a no no :p

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyHearse Fri 04-Oct-13 00:43:01

I know someone who takes her own food to dinner parties. Not too unreasonable you may think (allergies etc) until she gets in your way trying to heat up a Findus boil in the bag chicken curry. I wanted to twat her one. hmm

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 04-Oct-13 00:45:18

John Mccrick (after and before he's lost his case)

PoppyAmex Fri 04-Oct-13 00:45:55

I judge fussy adults and find them tiresome.

I'm especially annoyed by those who are under the misapprehension that their ridiculous behaviour is "quirky" and "endearing".

Onesleeptillwembley Fri 04-Oct-13 00:49:38

Oh well, Alleyalleyo her ship has sailed. ;-) Are you a Manc or Lanc?

runningonwillpower Fri 04-Oct-13 00:51:59

I just don't understand why picky eaters irritate me so much. After all, it's their business what they eat. So why am I bothered?

My particular pet is with people who feel the need to pull a face or make remarks like ' boak' every time a food they happen to dislike is mentioned. Why does that irritate? It's not like the food in question is my personal invention.

So, why do picky eaters annoy?

expatinscotland Fri 04-Oct-13 00:54:23

Why sit and suffer these people if you are another guest? WTF? A shocked, 'My god, did you mean to be so very rude?' from one guest to another is acceptable. Or people who rock up, 'We don't like that, but we'll have an omelette,' as another guest I'd be the first to pipe up, 'It's not a restaurant.'

The SS who makes a drama should be called out or sat at another table or kitchen. 'Why?' 'Because the rest of us want to enjoy our meal without your melodrama.'

runningonwillpower Fri 04-Oct-13 00:59:45

Oh PoppyAmex, I have often thought the exact same thing about Affected quirkiness.

A friend's child doesn't eat bacon because pigs 'are cute'. So, that'll be cartoon pigs you don't eat.

But why do I care?

expatinscotland Fri 04-Oct-13 01:03:00

I'd care because such fussy people are attention-seeking twats who ruin a meal by trying to focus it all on me, me, me! Look at me! I won't eat this/that/etc, everyone dance round it and feel awkward because I'm Not Eating.

Fuck 'em! Oh, okay then, have some bread and butter. 'Oi, paws OFF the pastry! The rest of us want some. Go find a takeaway if you don't like what' here.' 'I don't like that.' 'Great, don't eat it then.'

expatinscotland Fri 04-Oct-13 01:04:03

As another guest, I'd call them out because such people are attention-seeking brats who don't want everyone else to have a good time. There are a thousand different cutting ways to tell such people to fuck off without saying it. grin

MrsKoala Fri 04-Oct-13 01:08:38

Running - i'm the same about people making 'sick' faces and noises (there was a thread about a spectacularly rude MIL who made faces and comments at xmas dinner and looked into the cranberry sauce and plopped it down whilst saying something about starting her period - i still fantasise about telling her what an incredibly rude twat she is). My mum does it and started doing it recently about 1 yo ds's dinners, particularly liver, fish pie and cauli cheese. I pulled her on it last time saying it was rude to me who had cooked it and rude to ds who was enjoying eating it (they are his faveourites). She isn't expected to eat it, or even feed it to him, so why stand behind me while he's eating making vomit noises. She of course told me i was being totally ridiculous because ds couldn't understand her hmm

DameDeepRedBetty Fri 04-Oct-13 01:18:37

The 'wild food' thing reminds me of when DM, me, DTDs, Dsis and Dnephew were happily demolishing a huge bank of wild raspberries in the woods. The dogs were having a whale of time with the ones at their level too. A large bunch of grockles appeared and were deeply shocked, they had absolutely no idea that raspberries actually grow on wild plants rather than in plastic punnets, one in particular was terribly earnest in telling us that we would almost certainly all die from eating wild berries.

Thank heaven they didn't find us in mushroom picking season!

runningonwillpower Fri 04-Oct-13 01:27:39

Here's my thing.

I know a very fussy eater. It drives me insane.

But even in the hypothetical arguments in my head, I find it hard to answer this one question from the picky eater, 'what's it to you what I eat?'

So, help me win this hypothetical argument in my head. (Because I'd never actually confront the picky eater.)

sparrowfart23 Fri 04-Oct-13 02:01:37

Am I the only one surprised how many fussy adult eaters there are on this thread? I really thought my DH's family are weird about food, but maybe they are more normal than I realise. grin

willpower - I feel the same. It is intensely irritating when you get asked to specify every single ingredient in a meal before your BIL someone will even try it (and I am not talking about allergies, vegetarians, or religious restrictions), or you get the extended monologue on why the food you are eating is distasteful to SIL said person. I don't mind when people express preferences in a low key way, but abhor the drama! I get a bit narky (though I try to hide it) when my inlaws say they hate xyz in front of DD, as I am trying to train her to be polite about food and try everything.

I learned a lesson as a teenager when visiting a friend's aunt. They asked if we liked liver and we both said 'ugh, no' blush and then found out that's what we were having for lunch! My friend only ate the sauce and noodles (it was a liver goulash) but I had some to be polite and found I liked it. This is why I keep sneaking parsley into food periodically even though DH says he doesn't like it.

oh bless you op. She sounds like a woman in fear of food and massive denial. My worst dinner party story doesn't involve fussy guests, but christ I fucked it up. I had two couples coming, and one of the people was veggie, so I thought I'd push the boat out and do a really tasty veggie meal. Dp kept joking all week about how nice the menu sounded, with a short pause, and then shouting 'but where's the meat' hmm... not amusing three days later. On the day before the dinner I cooked the food in advance. There was a potato dauphinoise, some slow roast veg and a cauliflower cake (savoury massive deep quiche like item) I have cooked all of these things before, and normally they're great. For some reason on this occasion, the whole lot was raw!! I couldn't fucking believe it as dish after dish was alternately runny when it should be solid or solid when it should have been mushy. Worst of all the one thing that had cooked was the roast veg, which I'd done with clementines in, but had meant to warn the guests so they didn't get a culinary shock, and I was so distracted with the raw stuff, I bloody forgot. My friend ended up spitting it across the table as she thought it was a very wrong carrot!! I had just enough to drink to get the giggles, and instead of apologising, just laughed and said I didn't care cos it was so funny! Luckily they all agreed, and we fed on starters, cheese and crackers, then cheesecake made by dp...... phew!

Dillytante Fri 04-Oct-13 02:10:15

It's ok not to like certain foods as a grown up. Far better to enjoy a meal than force down something you don't like. Doesn't excuse twatish behaviour though.

sparrowfart23 Fri 04-Oct-13 02:16:32

willpower - don't think I can help you win the argument, sadly. I have a friend whose exH didn't like loads of quite common things, so she felt she couldn't have them. My inclination is not to pander too much to the pickiness - see comment above re parsley - but it would likely fuel resentment if you were cooking for pickyperson and they were always fishing bits out (my BIL is a master of the ostentatious fish-out). I couldn't have a relationship with a fussy eater, I'm afraid. Thankfully DH is the least fussy of his sibs, and only has a few things he doesn't like. I think the younger ones learned it was a way of getting attention/exerting control. MIL confessed recently that she used to give BIL chocolate milk as an infant yet wonders why he drinks so much coke. hmm

MILLYMOLLYMANDYMAX Fri 04-Oct-13 02:33:15

A work colleague of dh only ate fish fingers and chips with a cup of tea and a slice of bread and butter. His wife left him on their honeymoon because he would only go to a seedy pub where they served fish fingers and chips. Could never understand that she hadn't noticed this strange habit, then later we found out he had never taken her out for dinner. He then tried to sue her during the divorce for about £40 being the number of drinks he had bought her over the 6 months they were engaged that she had not reciprocated with her round. He had made a note of times and dates and drink prices.

I tbink it sounds lovely. The only things I won't eat are offal and leeks, i normally say at invitation.

I haven't really had a bad dinner guest, although friends put hot sauce on every friggin thing they eat. That becomes tedious. They've burnt their taste buds off long ago, it becomes texture and hot sauce.

I did have a bad co host one time. A dozen people including 2, finding out at last minute, vegetarians. It was her idea, her invite list. She borrowed my apartment as it was bigger and needed help cooking. I sorted the menu, she helped shop for ingredients and helped carry a table in from the neighbours. Then said, i'm off for a run!! Meanwhile I cooked a 3 course Moroccan style dinner. She came back and was bewildered that i didn't need any help. Then one of her vege guests complained about the special vege dish I'd cooked with one day notice, having never had to cater for one before. Was some kind of stuffed eggplant iirc

NadiaWadia Fri 04-Oct-13 03:03:49

These people who can't identify a blackberry or a raspberry and think all food from 'the wild' is highly dangerous.....
Take comfort in the fact that when/if civilisation should collapse these idiots will be the first to starve to death because they won't be able to forage!

AveryJessup Fri 04-Oct-13 03:09:09

Flogging: there is still a difference between the farm-grown blackberries that Sainsburys use and wild blackberries from the side of the road covered in dust and car fumes etc. or do you think that Sainsburys has their illegal immigrants staff out on the roadsides picking wild fruit?

I expect the grockles overheard some remark about city-slickers and decided to wind you up.

Lazyjaney Fri 04-Oct-13 06:52:08

But even in the hypothetical arguments in my head, I find it hard to answer this one question from the picky eater, 'what's it to you what I eat?

It's a big red flashing light that they will be difficult "quirky" in many other aspects of life.

Lazyjaney Fri 04-Oct-13 06:57:28

I was also wondering if the OPs guest is busy trying to remove her new bf from all his old mates.

ll31 Fri 04-Oct-13 07:15:28

Complete tangent but sparrowfart, am not seeing connection by getting choc milk as child and now frinking coke!! But I'm only just awake...s

friday16 Fri 04-Oct-13 07:22:20

'what's it to you what I eat?'

It's rare for someone who is fussy, attention-seeking and immature about food to not be fussy, attention-seeking and immature about other things. Why ignore a warning flag?

Anyone who's been on holiday, or indeed just tried to find somewhere to eat after a meeting when travelling on business, with a fussy eater will know how tedious they are. It's best to avoid them as friends to save the hassle.

I also suspect, on no evidence, that they are shit in bed.

SoupDragon Fri 04-Oct-13 07:31:55

I always find that judgemental idiots are tedious, immature and attention seeking and not worth the hassle. I also suspect they are shit in bed.

Catsize Fri 04-Oct-13 07:39:57

She sounds a total nightmare. But I was brought up ti eat what is put in front of you when a guest. I remember with horror fondly the time I was fed rabbit on a school exchange. I was a veggie but didn't want to say, as I didn't want to be a pain. Besides, trying to get a French person to understand vegetarianism in 1990 would be like getting Vicky Pollard to pass a degree in quantum physics.

BloodiedWellies Fri 04-Oct-13 07:49:03

I've told this before on MN, but we had a guest once who 'hates' vegetables and he ate my cauliflower cheese by sucking the cheese off the cauli and removing the cauli from his mouth and putting it back on the plate.

He also hovered over me while I cooked spagetti bolognese and commented 'Mummy doesn't cook it like that'.

He is 50.

Threalamandaclarke Fri 04-Oct-13 09:13:23

wellies that cauliflower story is amusing and revolting in equal measure.

Having someone stand over you in that way while you're cooking would be extremely irritating.
We have a friend whose boyfriend was so ridiculously fussy at a meal out (on both occasions) that it had to be just about being difficult and controlling. He was very rude. We had to just laught tbh.
But as a rule, I don't feel annoyed at "fussy" eaters. It can't be helped, we're all different. I try to always eat what I'm given as a guest and be accommodating as a host. But I couldn't eat .... I don't know,.... A plate of raw egg white. It sounds extreme but if a person has issues with food/ phobias or whatever, they might well feel the same way about beef Wellington as I do about slimy albumen.

meddie Fri 04-Oct-13 09:36:00

I have little patience for picky eaters who make a big fuss about it. Fine if you dont like something then dont eat it but why the unnecessary drama.
Went to conference once in London was really looking forward to the all expense paid evening meal. (was skint at the time so was a treat to eat out)

We walked up and down roads in London past loads of wonderful sounding restraunts for over an hour while my colleague declared she didnt eat this or that. We ended up in some greasy spoon where she ordered sausage and chips and didnt eat either because ' the sausages didnt taste like her usual ones and the chips werent like mccains'. I could have cried.

Threalamandaclarke Fri 04-Oct-13 09:39:11

I'm not sure she made a fuss though. Just asked for a bit of bread and butter.
Was she young and pretty? grin
Was his previous girlfriend great?

Threalamandaclarke Fri 04-Oct-13 09:40:19

meddie yes. Your colleague was a pain IMHO. I would class that as difficult and controlling.

gotthemoononastick Fri 04-Oct-13 09:51:34

Love Mumsnet...jawdropping reading every day!Wish you were in my family Expatinscotland. No room for misunderstandings and so humorous with it.

TheCrumpetQueen Fri 04-Oct-13 09:55:04

meddie why the fark did you go along with that

angelos02 Fri 04-Oct-13 10:09:01

I think if you are that fussy, you shouldn't eat out with other people.

meddie Fri 04-Oct-13 10:13:59

I know. I was just being too nice. Didnt want to force someone to eat things they didnt like. In the end I was just so bloody hungry I agreed to the cafe she finally said yes to in sheer desperation.
I should have just gone off on my own and enjoyed a lovely meal, but felt obliged to stay with her as she had never been to London before.

bruffin Fri 04-Oct-13 10:25:56

DD had a friend like that. Grandma told me she wasnt a problem eating, but came round turn her nose up at everything, the carrots were the wrong shape etc and everytime she came round she wouldnt eat anything. Unfortunately she didnt get better as she got to being a teenager.
We had a joint party for then DS 15 and DD 13. Milk Chocolate buttercream cake for DS and White chocolate buttercream for DD. She looked at DS cake and told me that she didnt like buttercream, so i didnt offer her either cake. Later DD came to me and said that K hadnt had any cake. Apparently she liked white chocolate buttercreamhmm
This was after having a screaming fit in the middle of the lake (raft party) and nearly got the party cancelled because the organiser thought she was genuinely scared. She only got one foot wet whereas everyone else was soaked from head to toe, they had to tidy up cold and wet, while she didnt help. I lost sympathy for her a years ago, she is just an attention seeker.

FriendlyLadybird Fri 04-Oct-13 10:26:17

Is there any left? Feel free to send a doggie bag over my way!

thebody Fri 04-Oct-13 10:34:56

your menu sounds delicious.

how did you not pour the sauce over her head!!!

what a massive attention seeking rude madam. but your post did make me laugh.

SPBisResisting Fri 04-Oct-13 10:39:41

Prize fo best x post to friday16 and soupdragon!

SPBisResisting Fri 04-Oct-13 10:41:39

Oh hang on it wasnt. Ignore me.

everlong Fri 04-Oct-13 10:45:11


I would have had to ask why she didn't eat the food offered.

TheCrumpetQueen Fri 04-Oct-13 10:46:40


rugbychick Fri 04-Oct-13 10:58:54

You even asked t

rugbychick Fri 04-Oct-13 10:59:39

Sorry, posted to soon! You'd even checked if the meal you were planning on cooking was ok!

sparrowfart23 Fri 04-Oct-13 11:23:30

ll31 My post was a bit tangential to the original anyway! I am always prepared to be proven wrong grin but IMO giving sweet drinks to a young baby is bound to jade their palate.

Meddie I feel your pain. I always research the local restaurants when I travel on business so I can get the best meal that my expenses will cover. Had a river cruise Swedish smorgasbord once. smile

Chelvis Fri 04-Oct-13 11:24:15

I invited MIL and FIL over for dinner at 7.

Just before 8, FiL, SIL and DH's gran turned up; Mil is not in the mood. As DH dashes off to the shed for a spare chair (tiny house and 4 chair table then), DH's gran looks at my pans of food and announces 'No I don't fancy that'. I'm already fuming at the lateness, so I don't say anything, just plonk a cup of tea in front of her. I put the plates in front of FIL and SIL, FIL moved it to the side saying nothing and SIL said 'Yeah, we've eaten already thanks'. SIL then sits there staring at her phone and FIL asks to put the TV on.

That was 4 years ago in July. Haven't been invited since. Rude rude rude!

PoppyAmex Fri 04-Oct-13 11:54:33

Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but the attention seeking behaviour is just unpleasant and tedious.

I can assure you no one is thinking how "interesting" and "different" you are and no one cares about your restrictive food habits.

Eat what you can/want to during the meal and shut the fuck up about it; don't annoy the host and ruin the experience for everyone else.

Alternatively, if you can't behave in polite company don't socialise at dinner parties.

It's not the fussiness but the fuss that annoys. Sausage and chips lady could have said "oh look I'll just sort myself out because I'm a bit fussy, see you back at the hotel/in the morning". But no, she created an hour's performance that pleased nobody including herself. angry

Threalamandaclarke Fri 04-Oct-13 12:33:39

<off to read whole thread for amusing gems>

ZingWantsCake Fri 04-Oct-13 12:34:38

Ams the Forriner is watching your every step

Threalamandaclarke Fri 04-Oct-13 12:40:21

Agh! zing you made me jump grin

CiderBomb Fri 04-Oct-13 12:42:02

If there's one thing that really bloody gets my goat it's fussy eaters. It's really not acceptable in anyone over the age of about ten in my opinion.

There's nothing more delicious than a slow roasted piece of pork. It's her loss if she's too immature and pathetic to try something different.

BloodiedWellies Fri 04-Oct-13 12:44:19

Actually I have just recalled a dinner party I held years and years ago and a friend asked at the last minute if he could bring a new colleague from Italy who was lonely.

I had cooked minestrone, spinach and ricotta lasagne and I think tiramisu. The colleague turned her nose up, picked at things and then commented as i served coffee 'Foreigners can never cook Italian food properly'.

Had wiped that from my mind!!

EldritchCleavage Fri 04-Oct-13 12:48:13

Only the second time my SIL met my parents she treated them to an extended performance of her 'what I can't eat and the unpleasant digestive symptoms it gives me' schtick. At the table, in the restaurant. Because clearly, they really wanted to talk about bloating and diarrhoea just before their food came. My father's face was a picture.

LeGavrOrf Fri 04-Oct-13 12:54:27

I think there is a middle ground between being a fussy person who eats bugger all and being stupid enough to chow down something you don't like in some strange idea of politeness.

I wukdnt have been fuming at this. If she is happy enough to eat bread, just give her bread. I wouldn't have thought it was that much of a problem tbh, not to the point of getting angry about it surely.

And I am not a fussy eater personality. I eat anything apart from broad beans.

HavantGuard Fri 04-Oct-13 13:06:04

She was invited to dinner. Probably the time to mention any food requirements. Then she refused it and asked for bread. Then she asked for butter. Then she refused pudding and ended up eating biscuits.

I have no time for adults who act like toddlers.

spatchcock Fri 04-Oct-13 13:48:42

I know someone who has lived in France for ten years and hates the food, although from her diet of beige I don't think it's really to do with geography. We all went out for lunch together. Went from cafe to cafe looking at the menus - all rejected. We ended up at the eighth cafe, where we all gorged on moules frites, pastas and salads while Fussy Eater ate her children's meal - chicken nuggets and chips.

Jins Fri 04-Oct-13 14:06:10

Normally I'm on the side of the fussy eater but on this occasion she had more than enough time to tell her partner that the menu wasn't going to work for her.

(I need warning of menus due to a wide range of allergies and after finding out that most people haven't got a clue and don't really care about allergens I prefer to decline dinner invitations)

boschy Fri 04-Oct-13 14:23:05

Re the 'fussy eaters want attention' point made upthread.

My DD1 (aged 17) is vvvvv fussy to the point where I could probably throttle her. But that's another story...

What really pisses her - and me - off is when people make a fuss about her fussy eating - specifically the ILs, who say things like "why dont you just try this boiled liver/snail/cauliflower cheese - you're really missing out."

If she WANTED to try it, or felt able to try it she would. But by them making a fuss about her not trying it, they are creating exactly the kind of atmosphere that gets people upset about fussy eaters!

amawhoisayiam Fri 04-Oct-13 14:31:29

The meal you made sounds lovely, AlleyAlleyO

I'm a bit fussy too, and I think she was in the wrong not speaking up beforehand to say she didnt like the things you were going to be making.

I can't stand certain textures and smells of things but she knew what was on the Menu so she was just being plain rude.

But as for people saying fussy eaters bug them but maybe you dont understand what its like to be overpowered by a smell or texture, not all our sense's are the same yoou know!

fancyanother Fri 04-Oct-13 15:36:37

I don't like certain textures (milky things make me feel sick) but I still get irritated by fussy adult eaters. My mother is like this. She seems to have developed some sort of eating disorder where she can't just sit down and eat an adult plate of food off an adult plate with other people. She will say she's not hungry, wait until everyone else has eaten, then pick at the remains, putting it on one of the kids plastic plates, pushing it around with a plastic spoon (not a knife and fork) skulking around in the kitchen. It's like she wants to not make a fuss, but in doing so, is making a huge fuss and making everyone else uncomfortable because everyone else then says ' Don't you want anything?' ' Do you want something else?'" Are you sure you're not hungry'? and make a massive fuss of her, which they wouldn't if she had just sat down with everyone else and just had a small portion. I love eating out, but for various reasons, won't eat out with my parents or in-laws, because it just ruins my evening. I'm fully aware that this may be some sort of anxiety disorder, to which she is prone, but it just annoys me

GretaGroovy Fri 04-Oct-13 15:46:21

Your dinner sounds lovely.

My first thought was that she has OCD. Possibly she thinks things from the wild have cooties. Grubs, bit of mould, evaporated dog pee...
She might genuinely not have been able to deal with something about the pork and apple dish, that you wouldn't have been able to see. Do you have pets? Do you have wooden surfaces? Or lots of different types of work surfaces?

I know you have to ask yourself why she accepted the invitation but perhaps she was trying. I don't know. Not to make excuses for someone I don't know and a situation I wasn't present at grin

My most annoying dinner guest was the 'vegetarian' who ate animals that didn't have nice faces. Basically lambs were out, pigs were borderline (roast pork: no; bacon: yes), and chickens were ugly bastards, so nom. She said she just found it easier to call herself a vegetarian but was quite happy to tuck into anything that looked tasty so long as it hadn't once been cute. hmm

Trills Fri 04-Oct-13 16:16:10

You should have offered her some pombears. bear

meddie Fri 04-Oct-13 16:17:41

Gretagroovy you just described my DD, but she refers to heself as a cutearian

GretaGroovy Fri 04-Oct-13 16:19:09

lol meddie
This woman was 36...I think 'cutarian' would have made us wince somewhat!

friday16 Fri 04-Oct-13 16:29:50

"Gretagroovy you just described my DD, but she refers to heself as a cutearian"

Surely a cutearian would only eat things that are cute. Wouldn't "uglyarian" be more accurate?

Bathsheba Fri 04-Oct-13 16:55:06

I can only think it won't last long - he'll dump her as there is no way she's filthy in bed....

Inertia Fri 04-Oct-13 17:08:06

The most annoying thing is that you'd told them both what you had planned to cook - that's when they should have mentioned any problems with it.

dontyouknow Fri 04-Oct-13 17:13:56

This has reminded me of when a uni friend pretty much invited herself to stay with me at my parent's house for a few days. The first day my mum (a really good cook!) had made a cheese and potato pie for everyone as she didn't know if my friend was vegetarian (I was/am but my friend wasn't). My friend announced she didn't eat cheese. (I had seen her eat loads of things with cheese). She picked at a bit of potato.

The next day she saw some meat in the fridge and asked if that was for dinner. My mum said it was. My friend then told me there was no way she was eating that. I checked what I was having and told her there was plenty of the veggie option for her instead. She said she didn't like the sound of that and wasn't going to eat that either.

She insisted on the two of us going out for a pizza. My mum of course got annoyed with me for telling her at short notice when she had planned a meal for us, and commented that she thought my friend didn't like cheese.....

Not food related but she also kicked up a fuss about wanting to park her car in my parent's garage. I said there wasn't room and it would be fine on the drive with my parent's cars. I joked that no-one had ever nicked their cars and she replied saying "but my car's nice".

Funnily enough we lost contact years ago.

expatinscotland Fri 04-Oct-13 17:14:32

meddie, don't be such a mug again. We had that once. We were out in a group. I was about 3 weeks from giving birth to DD1 and there was a couple who pulled that stunt at every menu as I waddled up a hill in tow. After the 5th place, a simple, 'How about the two of you split off from the rest of us, find a place to eat, and send X a text when you're ready to meet up with the rest of us.' 'Oh, because we thought we'd all eat together.' 'No, you think everyone else has to eat how you want, when you want. I think that's pretty rude considering some of us are obviously struggling with mobility (there was an elderly couple plodding along with me).' Everyone else started piping up, 'Good idea! Let's take a vote, who's for the Indian place we saw first!'

We all went back there and they met us a couple of hours later.

Be fussy. That's fine. Just go do it somewhere else on your own or stay home and do it there.

meddie Fri 04-Oct-13 17:19:52

I was younger and stupider then Expat and there was just me and her. I didn't really know her that well so was trying to be accomodating .By the time I realised she didnt like anything that was 'foreign or different' my stomach was eating itself I was that hungry.

PeriodFeatures Fri 04-Oct-13 17:25:17

I'd just laugh to be honest. If it was a long standing friend then yes, i'd find it rude.

If she comes again, offer her some chicken nuggets or fish fingers grin

idococktailshedoesbeer Fri 04-Oct-13 17:25:54

Can't stand fussy eaters who attention seek, she sounds dreadful. When they make vomit noises looking at your plate. Make you schlep from one restaurant to another on holiday. Turn their noses up at their meals and pick bits out and hold them to the sky to examine them looking mournful. They sap the fun out of any occasion. Some of my in laws are like this so I have to put up with it but I'd ditch a friend who tried it.

I hate onions and mushrooms, they make me want to heave, but I've been served the likes of onion soup, mushroom pasta before now at dinner parties and coped. Just have more wine!

fleacircus Fri 04-Oct-13 17:28:58

DP and I invited another couple (X and Y) for Sunday lunch once - lovely people we eat with fairly often; whichever couple is hosting, we always take quite a lot of trouble as we are all greedy bastards a bit poncey foody.

Anyway, a day or two before, another friend, Z, who also knows X and Y, suggested coming over that Sunday. We explained that X and Y were coming for lunch and said that it would be great if he could join us.

Z: OK, great, I'll come over but don't bother making any lunch for me.
Me: So, do you want to come after lunch?
Z: I can come about midday.
Me: We'll probably be eating at about 1ish, would you rather come a bit later?
Z: No, that's cool, I'll come at about 12.
Me: So... will you eat with us then? It wouldn't be any trouble.
Z: Oh, no, I won't eat, you eat without me.

And that's what he did. He came at about 12, he determinedly refused all offers of food, and he watched us eat the most weirdly awkward three course meal I've ever had.

droppedscones Fri 04-Oct-13 17:34:31

Cor, yanbu to be annoyed by this. I dumped someone for being a fussy eater back in the day. I suspected it was indicative of uptightedness in other things!

Lavenderhoney Fri 04-Oct-13 17:36:27

Strange behaviour, op.

I was invited to a dinner party where I knew no one except my bf, and we were a lot younger than everyone - the hostess lifted up the lid of the tureen to reveal a mound of spaghetti bolognaise, which I detest. I don't like pasta, and I hate mince and the two together... Well, I felt my eyes widen in disbelief, and she said " help yourself" so I did. I made myself eat a portion.

When we were leaving, she suddenly gave me a big hug and said " I saw what you did, I'm so sorry, I thought everyone would like spag Bol"

I sent her flowerssmile

phantomnamechanger Fri 04-Oct-13 17:36:32

OP, if and I seriously doubt it they do make a go of it as a couple, be sure to take a packed lunch to their bread and butter wedding reception

limitedperiodonly Fri 04-Oct-13 17:43:28

I'd have shrugged and given her what she wanted. It was only bread and butter. It wasn't like you had to make a last-minute forage to Fortnum and Masons.

Maybe he'll stick with her and maybe he won't. I don't know why so many people have mentioned it. If her food preferences are deal breaker then maybe she's better off without him.

I realise now that I was a fussy eater until my mid-twenties, though at the time it seemed entirely normal because that's the way I'd been brought up. Now I eat everything except for olives, hummous, beetroot and oysters. Yay, cosmopolitan me.

My mother was a good but unadventurous cook. Interestingly, her repertoire included offal, which lots of people, including some contributors to this thread, can't stomach.

She also thinks it's weird to mix fruit and meat, and others on this thread agree with her.

That's okay. But if you turn up your nose at liver, which I'd eat without complaint, you can't criticise someone else's dislikes.

What I'd find unacceptable in my house would be guests bickering. Those people would be struck off with no mercy.

motherinferior Fri 04-Oct-13 17:55:16

I feel, possibly unreasonably, rejected if I've gone to the time and effort and expense of doing a nice meal and some fussy twerp picks at it.

expatinscotland Fri 04-Oct-13 18:10:47

And that's what he did. He came at about 12, he determinedly refused all offers of food, and he watched us eat the most weirdly awkward three course meal I've ever had.

flea, why on Earth did you not say to Z, 'That doesn't work for us. We will be eating then. It works for us if you come at 2 since you won't be eating.' Then, at the end of the conversation, you re-affirm, 'See you at 2 on Sunday.' He balks, you say, 'Then it's best you don't come along. It will be awkward for us to eat in front of you and spoil the atmosphere. Let's arrange another time then.'

I'm a really adventurous eater, as is DD, we'll try anything and we eat most things.
We do both have dislikes, but could eat them in company if we had to.

That said, I don't have a problem with limited eaters, I do have a problem with fussy/picky/rude eaters.

If someone said to me, 'Oh, sorry Netto, I only eat fishfingers and chips, would it be ok if I came over to your party after the meal?'
I'd think that fine.
If they came over and made boaky noises, spoiled the meal with their behaviour and demanded fishfingers and chips, I would have a problem.

It's not what people eat, it's how they eat it, and how their manners are.

limitedperiodonly Fri 04-Oct-13 18:26:51

But it's not a judgement motherinferior grin

I used to cook for some vegetarian friends who would say they felt guilty for always coming round to me.

I didn't mind because (a) I like cooking; (b) it was always the same vaguely curry thing that was easy and (c) they brought loads of wine and they had to get a cab at the end whereas I could stagger to my bedroom.

When I was 19 my friend invited me round and asked me if there was anything I didn't like and I said no because I couldn't think of anything.

Her mother served sausages and mash with sweetcorn. I couldn't eat it. The sweetcorn, I mean, but she was offended. It's yellow. That was revolting to me. Totally alien. And there were no fried onions or butteryish juices because she grilled the sausages WHICH IS WRONG.

It didn't help that it had diced carrots in it. Carrots are my second favourite vegetable behind peas. But not diced ones. I like sweetcorn now but the tinned stuff, not so much whole cobs unless they're really fresh and definitely not those mini cobs for stir fries that just taste mouldy.

I was 18 before I ate in a Chinese restaurant. I was amazed that I liked it. It was pretty pedestrian but I gave it a go.

My Indian restaurant staple was lamb pasanda. So meat in a mildish creamy gravy.

MrsSchadenfreude Fri 04-Oct-13 18:31:32

I went to a dinner party once when two of the dinner guests (who were not in a relationship) got drunk and frisky and ended up having a shag under the table. I can't remember what we ate.

Jins Fri 04-Oct-13 18:37:17

And this is why I refuse invitations to eat at other people's houses.

People take it so personally. Expecting people to eat something they don't like just to be polite. Feeling rejected if someone picks at food. It's just so controlling and weird to me.

It makes me glad of my food allergies. I can just say that catering for me is just too complicated but shall we have drinks instead. And everyone breathes a sigh of relief. grin

(Well some don't but I don't care much)

expatinscotland Fri 04-Oct-13 18:40:33

'That said, I don't have a problem with limited eaters, I do have a problem with fussy/picky/rude eaters.'

This. I always ask, too, if they have anything they can't eat or don't like and then say what we will be having to run it by them if possible.

I cannot eat cheese or crème-based foods because I have little tolerance to lactose.

Making sick noises is unspeakably rude and even as a host if someone did that I would have to say, 'Did you mean to be so rude and offensive?'

limitedperiodonly Fri 04-Oct-13 18:45:57

This is why I like going out to eat.

IamChristmas Fri 04-Oct-13 19:04:58

I was a massive pain in the arse at a meal once, I look back and am so embarrassed, I don't know what came over me! It was my partners work do, I really didn't want to go but he had persuaded me to by telling me I could have a burger as there would be a BBQ ( I love burgers). On the day I was tired, hungover and just feeling rubbish. I went to get a burger and was told " oh sorry, the burgers are just for the children, you can have something from the adults table".

I was gutted, the adults table had some burnt looking grisly bit of steak,or some fish thing. I really tried to convince them to let me have a burger but they were adamant, so I had a really petulant PA strop in front of all his work colleagues and refused to eat anything apart from a bread roll blush I think my bottom lip actually wobbled.

Not my finest moment, but having a pile of lovely longing burgers in front of me and being told I was too old to eat one just pressed all the wrong buttons!

My exbf, who I'm still in touch with, and is one of my closest friends, was very limited in what he ate.
I was fine with that, I catered to him, and he loved everything I made.
He was never rude.
He saw how much I loved food and has greatly broadened what he eats now, to almost anything.

The thing that makes me laugh is that it was his birthday last month, I sent him a Jelly Belly machine. I won't touch the bloody things, they're horrid!

HavantGuard Fri 04-Oct-13 19:48:25

I know some people who have very restricted eating habits. They respond to dinner invites by saying that they are fussy eaters or that they have restricted diets and suggest reversing the invite so they cook or getting a takeaway instead so the host doesn't have to trouble themselves. If the host expresses an interest in still cooking they explain what they do eat.

HavantGuard Fri 04-Oct-13 19:52:46

One friend in particular was my justification for getting a lovely set of tapas dishes. She doesn't like food touching other food. Or sauces. Or meats other than beef. Or tomato. I do around a dozen plates of different foods, she picks what she fancies and doesn't feel pressured.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 04-Oct-13 20:01:27

I must have told this one before, anyway family about to sit down together to eat the main meal, doorbell goes, ex service buddy of Dad's standing there.

"Thought I'd pop round", so he's made welcome, everyone budges up and Mum fetches another plate, not a lot to stretch to a 5th, so FHB (Family Hold Back) and uninvited guest gets the best bits, food and drink flow his way.

After plates are cleared Mum asks, "Anyone for any more, there's some left", Spike or whatever he was called pipes up, "Yes please, no veg but I can manage some more chicken, oh don't hold back, bit more".

Clears his plate, sits back and when anyone else would normally say thanks or even stretch to a compliment, says complacently,

"Well, that filled a hole".

Dillytante Sat 05-Oct-13 11:05:03

DH & I debate this a lot as I think he is fussy & he thinks I am fussy. He doesn't like most vegetable but will eat them if we are guests at someone else's. it's my view that he can't not like them that much, he's just being fussy. If I don't like something I just can't force myself to eat it. He thinks that's fussy. It's not a lot of things, but I just couldn't force myself to eat them.

That said I was a really fussy/disordered eater as a child/teen & far from being attention seeking it was a constant source of anxiety.

LeGavrOrf Sat 05-Oct-13 15:53:45

Lavender I think that's really strange. She noticed that you didn't like spaghetti, so instead of offering you something else she just let you eat it and then told you at the end and you send her flowers?
I think she was rude. A good host, if she noticed that you evidently didn't
Ike something, really should have offered you something else. Why be such a martyr?

And let's be honest, some people's cooking skills are dire. Perhaps some of these people are turning their noses up at some ghastly cooking [wink{

It seems a bit odd that on mumsnet everyone is very keen to support those children who have sensory disorders and quite simply would be distressed by being forced to eat some kinds of food, however when they are adults they should simply suck it up and eat everything on their plate because it would be 'rude' not to.

And again, personally I have no axe to grind, I have no problems in eating any old shit.

Trills Sat 05-Oct-13 16:07:53

The thing that confuses me here is that they knew what they were having for dinner before they came round. They were told in advance and he said "lovely".

Did the friend not know that his girlfriend didn't like these things? Or is she wildly inconsistent in her eating habits?

limitedperiodonly Sat 05-Oct-13 16:22:23

I don't have a problem with you OP because the thread was meant to be light-hearted, wasn't it?

I just hate the way people pile in on these threads with: 'I'd eat soiled loo paper soaked in bleach because it's polite.

'Mind you, I hate liver.'

Your food sounds delicious. But we are entitled to say politely we don't like something.

Lavenderhoney Sat 05-Oct-13 17:30:45

lGO, I didnt think to expect anything else! There were about 20 people round the table, dc still up and racing about, and she had been at the winesmile

I felt sorry for her tbh, and I sent flowers because she didnt mean to serve something I didnt like, and said sorry. She was a nice lady and took on too much.

MaddAddam Sat 05-Oct-13 19:19:40

I'd be irritated, but I'd assume an eating disorder. I've had such a bizarrely high proportion of friends with eating disorders that I'm a bit too used to people who'd rather nibble at a dry crust/pretend a tin of tomatoes with a herb on top is exciting/ really only want a black coffee/ practically weep with relief if I've made a veg soup without any fat or potatoes that I'd just add this woman to the list.

I love food and drink, myself. But I've got used to people who just don't find it easy to ingest calories casually.

LeGavrOrf Tue 08-Oct-13 11:29:15

Oh lavender you do sound lovely, and very kind in that case.

LessMissAbs Tue 08-Oct-13 11:38:36

I hate stewed fruit puddings, they almost make me boak, but even I managed more than half of one at a dinner at friends recently. And then I excused myself by it was delicious but I was too full to eat any more.

Its just basic manners to eat whatever is put in front of you when invited out like this. I'm surprised at how many people don't though. I had a friend up recently, and while she is lovely and there was no falling out, I was a bit surprised when she turned up her nose at the fillet steaks I had bought to cook for dinner, and insisted on being driven round town looking for an Indian takeaway that met her requirements!

Lavenderhoney Tue 08-Oct-13 14:51:52

Thanks LGOsmile I was single without dc at the time and even I could see her dh was an unhelpful arse.

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