to be utterly ashamed.

(78 Posts)
bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 16:55:30

I have been off fb for a long time. I didn't find it 'good' for me.

I was small before I had my beautiful daughter. A perfect size ten. I worked hard at keeping my body in shape. When I got pregnant I got serious case of the fuckits.

a few nights ago i spotted photos on dp Facebook of myself from nights out with friends over the past year. I look awful. I was so shocked I went to bed sobbing. My dc is a fully fledged toddler and i have been ignorant of my out of shape. . unhealthy. .unfit size 14-16 ..mostly 16 size.

I am disappointed in myself.

I get married in less than ten weeks and distraught that my once size ten figure will be wearing a size 18 (big boobs!) wedding dress. With such little . time there is no rectifying this.

I am so utterly ashamed. I hate how I look and sone reflection upon being faced with how bad this is has made me realise this is affecting alotm my confidence. . my life in general. I don't want tobe this for my ddaughter. She needs a role model.

aibu to feel this upset and pathetic. Worse things happen at sea..

PrimalLass Wed 02-Oct-13 16:56:42

There is time, you could lose lb a week between now and then.

PrimalLass Wed 02-Oct-13 16:57:07

Oh and me too by the way, and my baby is 5...

I think it's far worse that you're 'ashamed' than anything else.

Don't pass on your poor body image, be kind and treat yourself as valuable whatever size you are - that's a far better message for a young girl.

You deserve more. - do whatever you need to, to raise your self esteem. Diet if you want to, exercise if you want, buy a decent bra.

Rowlers Wed 02-Oct-13 17:01:22

I get what you are saying BUT
you have two choices - let things lie and continue being miserable
OR
start NOW to do something about making you feel better about yourself.
If that means watching what you eat / exercising more, just do it.
I have been "dieting" / exercising for 4 - 5 weeks and already lost around 5 to 6 pounds.
Don't be ashamed.
You are having a little down moment, that's all.
You say "With such little . time there is no rectifying this"
Just make a decision and make a start.
Good luck and best wishes for your wedding!

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 17:03:49

I feel like postponing the wedding.

lilola Wed 02-Oct-13 17:05:14

you could easily lose 20lb by the wedding!

Fozziebearmum2be Wed 02-Oct-13 17:08:18

Agree with Rowlers-make a decision and stick to it and don't let it get you down.

No-one will be thinking badly of you in your wedding dress, and def not your hubby to be, he'll love you to pieces and be very proud to marry you as you are smile

But, if you decide to take some action, you don't need to set yourself an unrealistic target pre-wedding, as others have said you can lose lb a week but keep up healthy eating etc post wedding for your own health.

Best of luck and don't be hard on yourself, many people fluctuate their weight at various points in their life - especially after beautiful babies. smile

ghostonthecanvas Wed 02-Oct-13 17:09:32

First of all congratulations on your child and wedding. Secondly having a child changes the way you look. thirdly I would love big boobs, not helpful You have time to shed a couple of pounds and if you can, get some serious underwear. It will tuck and lift everything for your big day. Lastly don't ever be ashamed of how you look. Ever.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 17:09:34

Lilola is . that really feasible? My confidence is so low I don't feel like I can do anything. Does that make any sense.

Where did 'I' go?

BucketsnSpades Wed 02-Oct-13 17:11:07

I'd rather be size 18 and marry a man who loves me regardless of my size than be a size 10 and be too self absorbed and vain to really notice who was at the end of the isle waiting for me.

Don't let this spoil your day.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 17:12:04

Amazingly dp is crazy for me despite looking nothing like I did before I've really realised ths

good job im marrying him. I don't think anyone else would take a second look! obviously he is the love of my life anyway!

lilola Wed 02-Oct-13 17:12:21

yep 2lb per week is recommended weight loss if you're intending to keep it off

comfyclothes Wed 02-Oct-13 17:14:44

I was also getting to the larger end of a 14 and I felt awful.
I joined a gym at the end of June and I stopped eating a family size amount of chocolate everyday. Ive lost just over a stone and im fitting into a nice 12 now. I feel better than I have in a long time and more importantly I feel healthy and more alive.
All the best for the wedding when it comes!

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 17:17:47

I just have the biggest appetite and sweet tooth with apparently shit willpower.

How do I pull myself out of self-loathing and this pity party for one and believe in myself to get this done?

nickelbabe Wed 02-Oct-13 17:18:01

what do you do for exercise?
start there.
If you go to the park with your DD, then play with her while you're there - run around with her playing with a ball, go around the climbing framewith her etc.
remember she's rather small, so you don't have to do loads of exertion to get the effect you need.

then also think about what you eat - do you find yourself snacking during the day? eat off dd's plate etc? just make mind not to do that.
eat with her, yes, but have smaller portions - so if she eats a sandwich, you also have a sandwich, not two sandwiches.
don't have a biscuit with your tea, have one sugar instead of two etc.

i think it's because you feel so bad about yourself that it seems completely insurmountable, but it's not.
if your DP thinks you're gorgeous, then I'm betting you really are. It's just your self-esteem that's taken a battering. If you do something practical, then you will feel a bit better straighht away.

CecilyP Wed 02-Oct-13 17:18:45

YABU - a size 16 isn't that big and if your wedding dress in an 18 it is slightly different sizing to most shops. You could lose a little weight if you wish between now and the wedding, but there really is no need. You can still do all the things a slimmer person does (including fun nights out with friends); it's not as if you are so big it effects your health or mobility, so I don't think you should worry about not being a good role model for your daughter.

ThreeMyselfAndI Wed 02-Oct-13 17:21:28

you've enough time to do something if that's what you want. I was a size 14 3 months ago and after booking a luxury holiday for next year decided to loose weight. I downloaded my fitness pal app and stuck to around 1000 calories a day, I've went from 11 stone to 9 st 13 and a size 10 with no exercise and the main thing is I am keeping it off as I don't see it as a diet.

I hope you manage to do what ever it is your aiming for as feeling like that is miserable.

liquidstate Wed 02-Oct-13 17:25:22

Your DP sounds fabulous! Just like you I have gained a lot of weight over the last two years and my DH has been amazingly supportive, I am so grateful for him. I started gaining before my wedding (despite diet and exercise, I didn't realise I was ill which caused a gain in weight) and felt very pudgy on the day as had lovely slender bridesmaids. If I could do it again I would have one of the weight loss wraps just before the day to give me added confidence.

I think with 8 weeks to go you can do something though, even if you don't lose anything if you exercise and eat healthily you will feel good and probably look better as well. If you can, do look and see if there is a local bootcamp near you. They can be amazing places for support and encouragement rather than be on your own at a gym.

Also bear in mind once you get your dress fitted you have to stop losing weight so much or it will hang off you on the day, which is not a good look.

I am going to start doing something about my weight in the next few weeks. Currently a 16, I hope to be a 12/14 by Christmas.

Rooners Wed 02-Oct-13 17:26:01

The role model your daughter needs could be any shape and any size, as long as you are a loving, kind, honest parent to her.

It isn't about your weight - it is about the deepest emotional connections you have with her.

Please don't feel ashamed. xx

cannotfuckingbelievethis Wed 02-Oct-13 17:27:01

OP - Have a look at the 5:2 diet thread. I lost nearly a stone in about 8 weeks on it and have put a few pounds back on recently but that is all down to me being a greedy sod. Don't hang about, start now and you'll still have loads of time to get some weight off....

You shouldn't be ashamed, you OH obviously loves you but you should love you too ! Best of luck for the big day, start now and there will be a wee bit less of you on the day grin

Want2bSupermum Wed 02-Oct-13 17:33:12

I have lost and kept off a lot of weight with the Eat 2 live diet by Dr Fuhrman. I gained 60lbs with each pregnancy (had 2 DCs) and was 40lbs over my starting weight a month after having my second.

Don't think you should be trying to lose weight for your wedding so much as for you. I was upset when the weight hadn't shifted after 3 months and I realized I needed to make sure I had 'me' time.

Mogz Wed 02-Oct-13 17:33:40

You are going to look gorgeous on your wedding day, in your beautiful dress, with your hair and makeup done and a sparkling smile because of all the excitement. Just look forward to that, do some healthy eating and a bit more exercise ipiver the next 10 weeks if you like but don't let the idea of your body image consume you in the run up to your big day.
After all the excitement has died down take this as your wake up call, talk to your GP, a personal trainer, anyone who can give you some good advice about starting to diet, eat better and get moving more and work towards an achievable and healthy goal.

I've lost 10lb in 5 weeks at Slimming Workd and my willpower is nil. I've amazed myself.

Start now, find a local group and go THIS week.

Having said that, do it for the right reasons and NOT because you think you have to for 1 day.

Good luck!

I've lost 10lb in 5 weeks at Slimming Workd and my willpower is nil. I've amazed myself.

Start now, find a local group and go THIS week.

Having said that, do it for the right reasons and NOT because you think you have to for 1 day.

Good luck!

Thants Wed 02-Oct-13 18:02:03

Please do not be ashamed of yourself. Your body is not bad in at way it is simply different. How you look physically is of so little importance yet as women we are constantly judged on our appearance above all else.
Please focus harder on other parts of your life, your friends, family, work, education, hobbies. Take up volunteering! Writing! Music! These things can help you see your worth as more than the way you look. And no more mags and gazing in the mirror!

Sparklyblue Wed 02-Oct-13 18:02:56

Don't shoot me down everyone. But have you thought of the Cambridge weight plan, Op.
I lost 50lbs in 11 weeks for my wedding. It isn't a quick fix. When I came back from my honeymoon I started Slimming World to get the last bit of weight off sensibly.
I only suggest this as you seem so desparate.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 18:08:07

im torn between desperate and wanting to level headed enough not to do radical diets like Cambridge for my own health and I don't want that around my daughter (sorry if that offends!

Also I work 60 hr weeks and still enjoy moderate exercise so I don't think id physically survive!

SugarHut Wed 02-Oct-13 18:14:41

This will not be popular, but if you want something that really speeds you along your way, you need to do the following. And I have the sweetest tooth on the planet too, and I can do this.

Massive reduction in calories. Keep yourself full other ways.

1) Sugarfree Redbull is your best friend. Essentially no kcals, increases metabolism, nice and sweet, and fills you up. When I'm dieting I have 3-4 cans of the stuff a day.

2) Slim Pasta. Lunch and Dinner. A massive packet is 14kcals. Yes you read that right. Chuck in a yummy tomato based sauce and you're looking at about 100kcals the lot. So that's your 2 main meals for 200kcals. If you want, chuck a few prawns in, or some mixed veg.

3) Hartleys Jellys. Under 10 kcals each and yummy and surprisingly filling. Have a couple per day when you get peckish.

So, 4 red bulls (or cheap alternative redbull) 2 pasta meals, 2 jellies and you're at 220kcal. That's 2/3 of a kitkat chunky. I'm already small to start with so technically it should take me a more effort to lose weight as I do not have a lot to spare. On 1200kcal a day, it falls off me. What I've given you there is basically 2 main meals, 2 desserts, and 1000kcal a day to play with too!! Oh, Options hot choc is great at 40kcal a time. Take multivitamins every day too.

I promise, you cut the kcals, it will melt off you. If you're exercising too, even faster.

I don't need flaming for this, I'm not suggesting this as a life long diet. If the OP wants results, fast, that will actually work in a very hard core way, this is what I do.

BucketsnSpades Wed 02-Oct-13 18:22:17

Do you get enough sleep? I always get sugar cravings when I'm tired and 60 hours a week at work is a lot when you've got a DD and a wedding on.

shewhowines Wed 02-Oct-13 18:23:07

It doesnt have to be a drastic diet. 10 weeks is long enough to lose 10 -20 lbs healthily. Your wedding is a pretty good incentive. Why not try?

Having said that, I agree that you don't need to be stick thin to feel good about yourself. Exercise, yes, but to be healthy. Eat to be healthy. You can be bigger and healthy and you can be thin and unhealthy. Everything in moderation.

thehorridestmumintheworld Wed 02-Oct-13 18:37:52

I'd love to be size 16 with big boobs ;)yes you can shape up in time for the wedding but remember to keep it all in perspective.

i'm in a similar position to you OP. I get married in 6 weeks and i'm a size 16. I know that I won't be thin by my wedding day but i'm trying to lose at least a bit before then.
I've cut out alcohol and all snacks and I've bought a cross-training machine, which is quite an investment but I don't have a car and couldn't get to the gym.
i'm hoping that 8-10lbs is not out of the question by then.
ok, you might not be back to your pre-pregnancy size by your wedding but you absolutely CAN lose some weight by then and you'll feel better in yourself and more confident on the day if you have. just remember that anything is better than nothing.
best of luck.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 19:17:31

bucketnspades did you miss the bit were I said I had a toddler ? wink ah ..to sleep.

sugarhut as ashamed as I am to admit this given the nature of thread. . im actually nutritionally trained.. I'm sure you know what your doing is absolutely awful for your health. . Please don't do it too much! Consider juicing instead of diet power drinks atleast?

Right. I have a really shit two days of work ahead, im going to 'plan' my plan of action. and start asap.

I feel so far removed from the person I used to be. .. .I need to learn how to do my hair and makeup again. This dishevelled overworked sleep deprived sugar rushed look is not helping my confidence.

when I think back to pre baby I was so content with my looks. confident and happy. Genuinely.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 19:18:30

bigkidsmademedolt congratulations! im pooping myself. . how about you? lol

BucketsnSpades Wed 02-Oct-13 19:58:32

I have a toddler too, many nights she goes to bed at 7pm, I go at 7:30pm. I cannot function without sleep and when she was a baby I lived on sugar and caffeine and only started to lose any baby weight when she started sleeping through the night.

Anyway, can you just focus on doing really positive things in the run up to your wedding. Lay down some best bride rules such as:

1) drink a full glass of water each morning before doing anything else,
2) use a body brush before every shower or bath to boost circulation,
3) moisturise face and body after every shower or bath,
4) eat a full hearty breakfast every day, porridge or eggs and toast
5) have seeds, nuts, grapes and tangerines at the ready for snack times
6) do facemasks and manicures every week
7) stop the negative self talk, yes you can do it, yes you are beautiful, yes you work damn hard, yes you are a good mum, think of things to add to that list and say those things to yourself instead
8) get eight hours sleep, at least two before midnight

These types of things will have far more effect than a crash diet. If anything eat more protein, more vitamin e rich foods, more fruit and veg and antioxidants.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 20:09:13

Unfortunately (without revealing myself) evening routines and set bedtimes are not somthing we can do here.. (I promise for a very real reason and not because she rules the roost!) but she does go to bed okay. I do get 8 hrs but she is a 3am wake and cuddle which I have no problem with but does disturb my sleep. Ive always needed 10-12 hrs to function at my best. . sounds excessive but its true. I probably get 7-8. but have never fully adjusted. .I just cope!

btw.. I really appreciate everyone's help so far. I don't feel I can speak to anyone irl..since its rare to receive helpful practical advice because everyone's stock answer to these things seem to be 'don't be silly. .your fine how you are' before quickly changing subject to avoid awkwardness. - ive witnessed this a lot!

bigknickers I feel remarkably calm about it all. i'm just really excited about seeing all the people I know in one place at the same time smile

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 20:18:17

That's so lovely! we are eloping ..no one knows! im so nervous but can't wait to have such a special memory just us three!

bit silly me worrying about weight when no ones gonna be there to see but I would be devastated if I hated the photos and overall its hindering my life by making me so miserable. .so I want it off long term x

Beastofburden Wed 02-Oct-13 21:01:32

Thing is, if you are nutritionally trained and do exercise you already have all the knowledge you need to do this.

We need to get you past the shame, because that is what is stopping you- you can't bear to do it, as it admits that you need to do it.

Fat is not really a moral issue. It is a common phase that new mothers go through with demanding children. Being fat is far, far less shameful than behaving badly or cruelly.

The wedding is going to be fairly private if you elope, so keep it that way and don't fuss about what you weigh. Make it about the experience instead. When you get back, agree some time for you and a way to get more rest. And a one-year plan to get yourself fit again.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 21:24:30

beastofburden .. you are right. Its not that I don't know how. . its the habits and issues that have evolved since having dd that I struggle to control. . but to actually loose weight I do know how.

I feel so ashamed. And yet I know the only person in my way is me. My head has bin in the sand too long.

Rowlers Wed 02-Oct-13 21:34:15

My big tip would be, as another poster mentioned, download My Fitness Pal.
I used it for a couple of weeks, just to get me started and found it really helpful.
It made me be more honest about what I actually eat and it spured me on to eat less calorific foods.
I've been eating lots of salads which have filled me up completely and been very tasty.
I still have a few treats here and there but compensate elsewhere.
No alcohol! So many calories ....
I have, for a long time, felt quite ashamed of my post-babies body.
I am starting to see the old figure underneath. Starting ....

Beastofburden Wed 02-Oct-13 21:51:49

Ashamed? Would you despise a client in the same position?

It doesn't matter, you know. Not really. It's not as if you have done anything wrong.

Once you have enough sleep and time for you, deal with it, if it will make you happy. But don't wait to be happy until you have dealt with it. Enjoy your lovely family and your successful relationship, and have some fun.

flowers

Please don't be so hard on yourself OP (((stealth hug)))

If you decide to go for the weight loss, I can recommend 7lbs in 7 days to give you a head start. I started at size 12-14 and ended up a small 10 in a fortnight (did use recommended meal plans in the second week).

I really hope you start feeling more positive - you will be gorgeous on your wedding day and I have no doubt that your DD will be so proud of you. I wish you all the best. thanks

noddingoff Wed 02-Oct-13 22:32:55

I think kickstarting now is a good thing but if you still don't feel happy about how the photos will look on the day, don't get any taken or at least don't use them as your mantelpiece photos. Wait a couple of months after the wedding till you're happy then get some professional photos taken - get the dress taken in for them or wear something else fab, and make sure these photos are the ones on your wall, plastered over FB etc

Fozziebearmum2be Thu 03-Oct-13 07:55:54

Another vote for my fitness pal :-)

Although I know about foods (not trained at all, but do know good/bad foods etc) I found my fitness pal to enable me to understand portion sizes better and get it into my brain that If I have this piece bar of chocolate then that's fine, but it will mean there's not enough calories for a filling meal later etc.

There are no restrictions - which you get with diets often, you eat exactly what you want and the ap helps you count your food intake.

I lost almost 3 stone a few years ago and used my fitness pal last year to get off the final 10lbs pre wedding. Have also used it to maintain my weight - although....v pregnant now so not using at the mo smile

Another tip is to find an exercise you enjoy. I hate gyms...or running or practically anything high impact. But, LOVE swimming, and although people often say it's not enough exercise it worked for me, I went x3 times a week religiously and loved it.

DeepPurple Thu 03-Oct-13 08:04:59

I'm similar to you in that I didn't realise how I look before seeing awful pictures.

Your soon to be DH obviously loves you the way you are or he wouldn't be marrying you!

If loosing a few pounds will make you happier and more confident in your big day then you still have plenty of time to do it!

I have bought a fit bit to monitor my steps everyday. It's amazing how few I do on days I don't go to the gym! I have been combatting this by walking in circles round the house and using the bottom step as a step! It's easy to increase movement that way without going to the gym etc. get a cheap pedometer and give it a go! I've been using it 2 weeks and I've lost 2lb. Not exactly loads but enough to make me feel like I'm getting somewhere!

waterlego Thu 03-Oct-13 08:20:22

What sort of exercise do you do OP? If it's mostly cardio, could you add in some weights work? It won't make much difference to your actual weight but will tone you and you will feel better about your body when it's more taut, even if it remains the same size.

Above all though, I agree with the others. Please try to squash that shame you're feeling; it won't do you any good. Oh, and congratulations and have a lovely wedding smile

Sinful1 Thu 03-Oct-13 08:29:40

Get down the gym, find the guy with sub 12% body far but still got muscle, ask to buy some clen. Jobs a goodun 5 Weeks enough for at least 1 and a bit cycles, lose weight even if your will power sucks.

Just gotta be able to cope with looking like you've got the shakes and a monster head ache for two Weeks straight.

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 08:32:12

thank you for the well wishes re wedding!

Im a sporadic runner. . we have a love/hate relationship! I enjoy high Impact boobootcamps and I adore swimming but haven't swam in so long because of work and childcare.
I tend to work out hard for a few months but the exhaustion from work catches up with me and it takes me months to recover and get back into it.

have booked Into tonight's bootcamp so I expect I won't be able to walk over the weekend grin

My able &cole box should arrive today too.

Im trying to repeat to myself -8 weeks IS enough time to do something. . not everything. .but somthing! - I need to see it and believe it.

I need to be held accountable somewhere but the weight loss boards here seem a bit quiet!

waterlego Thu 03-Oct-13 08:55:53

8 weeks IS enough time to do something. . not everything. .but somthing!

I think this is exactly the right attitude (and one I have often lacked). As others have suggested, there are 'quick fixes', none of which are healthy or sustainable, but some small changes can make a bit of a difference in the time you have available. Even if the 'only' result is you feeling a bit better about yourself, then that's a good result.

Good job on the bootcamp plans- enjoy!

Come to the Chiefs thread if you're looking for support. They're an amazing bunch of dudes. We don't have a set of rules, all going about making ourselves fitter and thinner our own ways.

There's someone on the thread most days.

It will be ok. I lost some weight, but not a lot, for my wedding a couple of years ago. I am two dress sizes smaller now but I don't see me as fat in the pictures I look shiny, unwrinkled and plump with happiness and expectation. Spanx were my friend.wink

We're on the weight loss bit.

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 09:45:48

Could you link me.. I struggle to navigate mn on my phone!

It does. Feck me. I'm a computer genius <goes off to plan world domination>

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 10:12:03

Harhar! Thank you!

CloverkissSparklecheeks Thu 03-Oct-13 11:45:03

Please don't feel ashamed of yourself! Always remember that your DH loves you regardless.

After my DS1 I went to WW and lost 31lbs in 17 weeks. I went from. 11st to 8st 11, that was with no exercise at all so with exercise I reckon you could achieve anything up to 2 stone in a healthy way.

Definitely agree that you have to feel ready for it though, don't feel pressurised into it.

moldingsunbeams Thu 03-Oct-13 12:31:03

I went from 8 stone to 14 in the last ten years for lots of reasons but partially lack of motivation. I am in same situation.

Thants Thu 03-Oct-13 12:38:17

You're all telling the op not to feel bad and ashamed but then still telling her how she can change and that she needs to. This is really depressing and just shows how entrenched the idea that a women's worth is in her appearance.

waterlego Thu 03-Oct-13 12:41:39

I don't think anyone's suggesting the OP should change (I wasn't), but just that she can, if she wants to (and it sounds like she does).

If she'd come on here saying 'AIBU to have gained weight but to be totally happy with it?' I for one would have said YANBU.

It's ok for a woman to want to be slimmer or fitter, but not ok to feel ashamed, IMO.

Lose weight that 8 weeks is sufficient time. Whether OP opted for some form of loss programme or not, I think most decent people would still be encouraging OP to do something to boost her confidence. Stop stirring please biscuit

Don't know where the first part if my post went!

Thants As far as I see here, posters have merely informed the OP that if she opts to lose weight that 8 weeks is sufficient time...

Of ffs!

CloverkissSparklecheeks Thu 03-Oct-13 12:52:53

Thants I totally disagree, if the OP is unhappy and wants to do something about her weight then all the people on here are doing are supporting her. I cannot find any post where anyone has suggested the OP should and has to change.

That is the sort of post that gets peoples backs up on MN.

If the OP was happy with her weight then everyone would be supportive of that but she feels/may be unhealthy and wants to do something about it.

Thants Thu 03-Oct-13 12:55:41

It's the sort of thing that gets people backs up on aibu? I thought the point of that was debate. Sorry but you are being unreasonable.

fleacircus Thu 03-Oct-13 12:58:35

Try not to feel ashamed - it's just food, you don't need to feel guilty about it. There's nothing immoral about liking cake. As for being a role model, I understand that feeling. I gained a lot of weight with both my pregnancies and have only lost it this year - DDs are 4 and 5. But, I wasn't ready to lose it before. When I was ready, I joined Slimming World and for me it worked. I've lost 4 stone this year, and for me that's been fantastic.

One thing that has been very important to me, both before, during and since losing the weight, is that I don't talk about my weight at all in front of the kids. If they ask at all about what I'm eating, I've said that I'm eating slightly differently because of my gallstones (which was also true, although I've had the surgery now, thus my constant MN presence this week!)

I'm hesitant to jump in with my 'diet recommendations' because I don't feel that the diet industry or the constant pressure on women to conform to particular body types is either healthy or interesting, but I also know how feeling 'fat' feels. And with Slimming World I was never hungry, I got to have treats and go out for meals and things, and I'm confident of keeping the weight off. I do wish someone had told me about it years ago!

CloverkissSparklecheeks Thu 03-Oct-13 13:13:39

You are not debating the issue or giving the OP advice, you are slagging off other peoples advice.

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 13:18:16

Just wanted to come back and let everyone know that all your responded were really helpful and appreciated.

I genuinely believe though can't take my own advice that every woman should be able to reach a state of acceptance and happiness regarding their looks regardless of their weight. I wish. .wish I could do that how I am now.. but I cannot. I know where I need to be to achieve it.

for whats it's worth. despite enjoying being a small ten previously I actually preferred being a 12. So ladies I hope you don't think im advocating skinny is pretty either. My best friend got married recently and I was sojjealous of how stunning and happy and confidentshe looked at 14 .

x

waterlego Thu 03-Oct-13 13:24:11

I get you bigknickers.

I think it is 'normal' to feel unhappy with a change which is fairly significant, especially for women who have always been a particular size. I am a small, short person who has always been within a particular dress size range. I admit I would find it distressing to become larger or smaller by several sizes, and I would probably want to do something to try and change it. I don't think that makes me a traitor to the feminist cause- just that I know what size is healthy for me and would rather stick as near to it as possible.

By the same token, I have some friends who are large, and have always been large. They are beautiful and happy as they are and I wouldn't dream of advising them on how to lose weight.

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 13:36:24

jeez. . typo galore.. toddler bouncing over me!

Beastofburden Thu 03-Oct-13 14:50:22

we understand, big. It's all about what's right for you.

Stay happy, have fun, have a great wedding flowers

Chelvis Thu 03-Oct-13 14:50:26

In the last 8 weeks, I've lost 1st 3lb - no starving or silliness - slimming World (at home not paying!) or calorie counting should do it. You know what to do, good luck doing it!

JuliaScurr Thu 03-Oct-13 15:48:41

www.radiotimes.com/news/2012-02-28/michael-mosley-three-minutes-of-exercise-a-week-will-keep-you-fit

www.ideafit.com/fitness-library/cutting-calories-calcium-0

I saw a TV documentary about these two things - people had great results. I've never tried myself (scrawny old bird)

allforoneandoneforall Thu 03-Oct-13 17:25:38

Atkins! It's amazin AND you can eat LOADS! I lost 10lb in the first week and 2-3lb after that EASILY! It also curbs sugar cravings - Worth looking into...

allforoneandoneforall Thu 03-Oct-13 17:26:11

haha i sound like one of those dodgey adverts that spams social sites - I'm not! haha

badguider Thu 03-Oct-13 17:31:10

I would strongly advocate an exercise programme to feel better about your body. You can easily do a "couch to 5k" programme in ten weeks and I find running one of the best ways to body confidence.
Target a "parkrun" 5k a couple of weeks before your wedding and work towards it - I guarantee you'll feel good about yourself when you achieve it smile

Sleepyhead33 Thu 03-Oct-13 18:01:39

You should not feel ashamed.
However, if you want a practical tip to really shed the inches and make a massive difference to your shape in 10 weeks, have a go at the 30 day shred. a DVD that only takes 25mins ish and you don't even have to leave the house-ideal with little ones.
You will find a 30 day shred thread on the exercise area of mumsnet. A friendly bunch all trying to get fitter together!

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