To be annoyed at my friend for booking her birthday party...

(69 Posts)
Itsmybluminbirthday Mon 30-Sep-13 18:38:46

On my actual birthday?

That day is not her birthday.

She knew it was my birthday.

Or am I being childish?

Have name changed.

MillyStar Mon 30-Sep-13 18:40:31

To me you're being childish but that's because I think birthdays are absolute tosh when you're getting older and I don't think it's a good thing! I'm 28 and I'd quite like to stay here!!

Did you want a party too? Can you have a joint one? If you want one that day and she is inviting the same people then she sounds like a cow!

OddBoots Mon 30-Sep-13 18:40:46

Does your birthday fall on the nearest weekend to hers? Is your birthday a special one that you were planning your own party for?

ENormaSnob Mon 30-Sep-13 18:41:01

Is it a big birthday?

When is her birthday?

Trills Mon 30-Sep-13 18:41:04

There are two kinds of people in the world

Those who are old enough to read a calendar, who are also old enough to know that sometimes you celebrate your birthday on a more convenient day that is not actually the day you were born.

Those not old enough to read a calendar, who won't know if people from the first group rearrange their birthday celebrations to a more convenient day.

Waferthinmint Mon 30-Sep-13 18:41:33

Is this a joke? Are you 5?

livinginwonderland Mon 30-Sep-13 18:41:34

YABU. She's probably done it then for convenience for her. She probably wasn't even thinking about you.

IAmNotAMindReader Mon 30-Sep-13 18:43:26

YABU and really you know you are.

spatchcock Mon 30-Sep-13 18:44:04

If you are both over 12, YABU.

FirstStopCafe Mon 30-Sep-13 18:47:02

It wouldn't bother me

YANBU. As someone who loves my birthday, I would be so cross if a mate did that to me...

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Mon 30-Sep-13 18:47:39

As long as you're invited to the party, what's the problem?

YouTheCat Mon 30-Sep-13 18:48:50

So does that mean a friend with a similar timed birthday can't celebrate it on the nearest weekend?

You don't own the date you know. What would you do if it was actually on the same day?

HarpyFishwifeTwat Mon 30-Sep-13 18:52:55

I love my birthday and can't understand the expectation on here that only children get a special day once a year. Having said that YABU. It's the most convenient time for your friend to celebrate her special day.

Itsmybluminbirthday Mon 30-Sep-13 18:54:02

If it was the same day, I'd have suggested we have a joint birthday party.

I am invited, but it would be a bit weird sitting there, celebrating somebody elses.. It's also on a school night. Just seems totally random.

wigglesrock Mon 30-Sep-13 18:56:28

Catch yourself on, if course you're being unreasonable. I have about 4 family members, two very close friends and a godson all of whom have birthdays within 9 days of mine - we usually go out/ have parties on a Saturday afternoon/ Friday night, whenever the most amount can get together.

But it sounds like her friend didn't suggest a joint party... She just took her date. And yes, even weirder if it's not a weekend!

CaptainSweatPants Mon 30-Sep-13 19:04:41

Does seem odd
Is it a meal out with a mutual group of friends
Because that would be odd

ModeratelyObvious Mon 30-Sep-13 19:05:58

Maybe she's busy the two nearest weekends?

Itsmybluminbirthday Mon 30-Sep-13 19:07:13

I'd vaguely considered suggesting a joint party.

Oh well! I take the over riding opinion, that I am in fact, unreasonable!

bundaberg Mon 30-Sep-13 19:10:50

i don't think you're being unreasonable!

i wouldn't organise a party of any kind on a close friends birthday in case they were planning on doing anything themselves.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 30-Sep-13 19:11:48

I don't think you're necessarily unreasonable - if she's booked a party, not on a weekend, on your birthday, on a day that's not your birthday..,. That does seem strange.

How good a friend is she? Are either of your birthdays big numbers? Is there a chance she's actually throwing you a surprise party?

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 30-Sep-13 19:12:24

Sorry, *on a day that's not HER birthday.

PenguinDancer Mon 30-Sep-13 19:13:10

It depends.

If it's a big deal birthday for her and not for you and its the closet weekend YABU

If not YANBU

Same group of friends? If so that's weird moronic and very snobby I think.

gamerchick Mon 30-Sep-13 19:15:20

I agree ^^Maybe it's a surprise party for you? [/clutchingatstraws]

Personally I wouldn't care unless I was planning a do myself and we were in direct competition for guests. I dont think there's anything wrong with feeling miffed.. some people care more about their birthdays than others.

Bowlersarm Mon 30-Sep-13 19:15:37

I don't think you're unreasonable.

It's a bit mean of her if she knows it's your birthday to expect you to celebrate hers without making it a joint celebration.

Hemlet Mon 30-Sep-13 19:17:23

Have you asked her why she's chosen to celebrate her birthday on your birthday?

Itsmybluminbirthday Mon 30-Sep-13 19:17:37

Same group of friends. No traditionally significant milestone on either side.

I can live with it. Just a little piqued I suppose and wanted a moan without causing ripples!

Bizarre. I'd ask her. Could she have forgotten? Is she often this self absorbed?!

MrsWolowitz Mon 30-Sep-13 19:26:20


Maybe chat with her and suggest making it a double party?

tis a bit weird...

maddening Mon 30-Sep-13 19:28:15

I wonder if it's a surprise party for you?

piratecat Mon 30-Sep-13 19:33:53

having read your second post, that it's a school night and not a significant one, then it's selfish imo.

FreeWee Mon 30-Sep-13 19:35:44

YANBU to be annoyed. Whether you tell her you're annoyed or not is a different matter but I would be annoyed yes.

Itsmybluminbirthday Mon 30-Sep-13 19:36:56

It's going to be odd, with a load of mutual friends. What if one of them says happy birthday to me? Or several do? How's that going to work?

It's an etiquette minefield if nothing else. That or an interesting for a bit of social observation...

Itsmybluminbirthday Mon 30-Sep-13 19:38:48

*interesting occasion


yes, the nice thought is it's a surprise party for you - but what if it's not?

i do think it's poor etiquette. i don't think i'd personally be pulling that stunt.

IamChristmas Mon 30-Sep-13 19:43:47

I think YANBU. One of my friends did that once, arranged a birthday outing on another friends birthday. I made sure I turned up with a huge bunch of flowers for the person whose birthday it actually was, and made a big fuss of her. I did give the other friend a card etc as well but really wanted to make sure my friend whose birthday it was didn't feel overlooked.
I am a fully fledged adult and I still like to make a fuss of people on their birthdays and have a bit of a fuss made of mine. I don't see why kids should have all the fun, every year I'm still alive is a good enough reason to celebrate I think!

Itsmybluminbirthday Mon 30-Sep-13 19:50:45

IamChristmas, that's really sweet.

Though I'd imagine it could be a rather sticky situation. I think the reason I'm 'piqued' is that it almost feels like an attempt to test peoples loyalties. I'm probably over thinking it.

Bowlersarm Mon 30-Sep-13 19:52:28

It's going to be very odd.

You'll have to sit there looking uncomfortable while everyone hands cards/presents to your friend.

Then once they realise it's your actual birthday, they'll all be looking really uncomfortable they haven't bought anything for you.

Sounds very awkward.

bundaberg Mon 30-Sep-13 19:53:37

well don't go!

say "sorry, but i;m going out that night as it's MY BIRTHDAY"

MrsWembley Mon 30-Sep-13 19:53:37

YANBU, she is being odd. If you can cope without getting too upset then go, but make sure she overhears any of your mutual friends wishing you a Happy Birthday...

I, too, don't get this thing on here about birthdays only being for children. I get fuck all attention the rest of the year and spend most of my life looking after my family. On my birthday I want looking after!


MrsWilliamBodie Mon 30-Sep-13 19:56:38

I see what you mean about testing loyalties. Is she a close friend?

If she was a newbie to the group, I would be declaring 'Wendy'.

IamChristmas Mon 30-Sep-13 19:57:37

It was awkward. However you have done nothing wrong, so you have nothing to feel bad about. Hopefully your friends will look out for you and if it makes her squirm that's her problem.

ILetHimKeep20Quid Mon 30-Sep-13 19:57:52

It does seem a bit random if it's a school night

Hassled Mon 30-Sep-13 19:59:29

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'd be mightily hacked off. It's just such a weird thing to do.

You need to talk to her - say "Mate, this is a weird thing to do. What's occurring?".

MrsWembley Mon 30-Sep-13 20:08:27 a Welsh accent...

Perhaps she has <whispers> Forgotten its your birthday!

And if so, and if I were you, I would be positively wallowing in her mortification when she realises. On the night.

Whocansay Mon 30-Sep-13 20:37:04

You can make suppositions about this all night and never know - it may be she's a cow trying to upstage you, she could just be inconsiderate or she may have forgotten it's your birthday.

If you feel uncomfortable about it, decline the invitation and tell her you have already made plans for your birthday. Then arrange a fabulous night for you birthday with your friends - making sure its the Saturday night before your actual birthday....

Squitten Mon 30-Sep-13 20:39:33

It depends on whether you are planning to do anything on your actual birthday. If so, then tell her the reason you can't go to her party and don't feel bad about missing it. If not then I would go.

Loopytiles Mon 30-Sep-13 20:43:05

If the invitation came by email or facebook, you could reply to all and say "great, I'll be 21 again that day, can celebrate that too!"

CaptainSweatPants Mon 30-Sep-13 20:46:28

I wouldn't go

I always spend my actual birthday with dh & dcs

Celebrate with friends before or after the actual day

Itsmybluminbirthday Mon 30-Sep-13 20:46:28

It'll be an interesting night, whatever happens! I plan on being the soul of gentility however. wink

Whocansay Mon 30-Sep-13 20:47:47

Will you? Or will you get drunk and tell her she's a 'cah'...

magicberry Mon 30-Sep-13 20:48:46

I'm a bit surprised how many people on this thread think adults' birthdays are a big deal. Do you all have parties each year? confused
I wouldn't think of this as a big deal at all, sorry

Itsmybluminbirthday Mon 30-Sep-13 20:56:28

I'm off the booze as pregnant. We haven't told any of our friends yet, so I could choose this night to announce it...

Ok, now I'm just being evil grin

magicberry Yes, of course I have a party each year! And normally one the weekend before and the weekend after just for good measure. (being completely serious)

bluminbirthday You know you have to do that, right?! It's only fair!! grin

miffybun73 Mon 30-Sep-13 21:27:54

Yes, yes - do announce it on the night. Congratulations smile

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 30-Sep-13 21:54:07

Absolutely I celebrate my birthday each year. Any excuse for a crate of wine good party!

And why not?

This year I turned 30 and managed to keep the celebrations going for a whole week.

Why should the kids get all the fun?

SayCoolNowSayWhip Mon 30-Sep-13 21:57:30

And congratulations blumin. You should definitely turn up to the party, be gracious and sweet, and then at an opportune moment say 'No, I'm not drinking, even though its my birthday today, because I is up duffed innit.'

Or something equally erudite grin

VashtaNerada Mon 30-Sep-13 22:01:05

YANBU, would piss me right off! If turn up with a big 'Birthday Girl' badge, balloons and party hat grin

VashtaNerada Mon 30-Sep-13 22:01:45

"I'd turn up" obv...

DO announce it!

Or, failing that, send an email reply but to everyone on the list, saying you're sorry you can't make it but since it's your actual BIRTHDAY you have BIRTHDAY plans.

MrsWembley Mon 30-Sep-13 22:14:40

Oh wow, fucking congratulations!!!! That's an amazing piece of news to share! How far along are you? Is the timing ok to share with RL friends?

How many of the friends who will be there are aware that it's your birthday on that date? Do you think she's forgotten? Is she a cahhhh?

Xmasbaby11 Mon 30-Sep-13 22:25:55

YANBU .. it's a bit weird on a weeknight. I'm guessing she is busy the weekend before / after and it is the best time for her.

I'm not sure I would go unless it's mutual friends - purely because I'd want to spend the evening with DH and/or close friends.

mirry2 Mon 30-Sep-13 22:29:22

My mil has the same birthday as me. Her dh regularly organises a family clebratonf for her to which I go. Nobody acknowledges that it's also my birthday (although they know) but it doesn't bother me at all. My mil deserves her celebration and all the family around her.

maddening Mon 30-Sep-13 22:33:07

take your own bday cake along - with the news of the baby it'll be your party too (without the faff of organising it) grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now