To dislike people who are Always Right.

(54 Posts)

It's minor I know, but it grates on my nerves. My Dad is one of these people, starts huge arguments over nothing and if you dare to have a differing opinions he's all "woe is me, I'm always wrong. Don't listen to me, I'm wrong."

My landlady is like it too (I'm a lodger). And it's never something big, it's something petty and ridiculous. Like yesterday she posted an interesting video on facebook. It was an experiment as to peoples reactions to a gay couple getting flak from a waitress based in Texas. At the end it referenced the same experiment done in New York. Whilst chatting about it I said "And that guy! The one who actually high fived the bloody waitress!"
She stopped and said "No, that was in New York." I shrugged it off and just said, "Oh, I thought that it was the Texas clip in the diner, oh well." and tried to leave it at that, but then she kept on and on about how actually, it was in New York not the Texas clip and so on.

I have seen the video again since then and it was the guy in Texas. Not that it matters, it's a moot point, it's a ridiculous thing to use to 'prove' that you're right about. It's always things like this, with both my Dad and my landlady.

The best from my Dad recently was him having a massive go at me because I won't go self employed (I'm a nanny, have called HMRC three times in the past month alone about this and have been told all three times that no, I cannot become self employed!) and him saying "I'm self employed, my employer pays my tax, then I pay my tax too and I get a massive tax rebate every year in the thousands!" I gave up at that point and told him that yes, of course that's how it works.

Why do people have to be Always Right ffs? Why is it so hard for them to say "Actually, I'm mistaken about that."

AIBU?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 30-Sep-13 10:15:03

YANBU but all you can do is save your breath. I find the phrase 'you know best' (delivered with a raised eyebrow) is a nicely passive-aggressive way to end a conversation with people like this. They know you're not buying it but there's damn all they can do. smile

AngelsLieToKeepControl Mon 30-Sep-13 10:22:31

Yanbu at all. My brother is like this, to the point he says he just happened to be talking to a proffessional about the very thing he is arguing about just days before.

These things include me putting my make up on wrong, he was talking to a beautician about eyeshadow a few days ago, him going on a first aid course and now being more qualified than a paramedic, despite me having been on the same course, apparently he discussed it with the tutor and the tutor said that my course wasn't as advanced as his, even the fact I prefer McDonalds to Burger King, he said he had been talking to a marketing manager who said they did a survey and it had been proved that BK was better than McDs so I was wrong in my preference. The list goes on and on, I have now perfected the smile and nod grin

fiatpandababba Mon 30-Sep-13 10:22:59

Very annoying - I get this too and always over stuff that doesn't matter. That restaurant you talked about is in x street not y street like you said. The person had no plans to go to the restaurant anyway. I said oh ok thinking that's the end of it then a giant conversation unfolds about the streets and a helpful google map emailed to me later. Hint! I don't care!!!!!!

intheduskwiththelightbehindher Mon 30-Sep-13 10:36:05

Both my dcs are like this. Nightmare.

DeWe Mon 30-Sep-13 10:37:32

There's different ways of "always being right".
Df does it. He likes a good debate and is very good at arguing. So if you change to agree with him, he's quite capable of switching sides too and doing just as persuasive an arguement for the other side. hmm Can be quite funny sometimes.

Bil does it too. But in his case he always knows everything and it's always right. If it's proved wrong then he's got an excuse why it's someone elses fault it's wrong. Everyone is obviously envying his things-the fact they have actively chosen different is obviously a mistake..
My dm used to say a poem. I can't remember much of it, but it started
"I know a little girl, she isn't very nice
Because everything I say I've done she's always done it twice..." and that sums it up really. wink

tolittletoolate Mon 30-Sep-13 10:41:32

My husband is very clever and well read etc, he knows everything about everything and we call him google most of the time. Occasionally he gets on my bloody nerves though. Especially when you are having a conversation about something and because he knows a lot about it he just talks over everyone.

shock Angels, that's madness! I thought my experiences were bad enough but your brother sounds insane!

tolittle Ah, but in your case, you have reason to believe that he is actually correct! grin

vladthedisorganised Mon 30-Sep-13 11:34:40

Oh god, DH is always right.
The irritating thing is that he gets confused between 'there is only one way to do things, and this is the correct way' with 'there are many different ways to approach this, all of which work'.

He wouldn't start a huge argument if challenged and doesn't force things that are clearly wrong on me like the OP's dad, but if I do anything I'm almost waiting for the 'wouldn't it be better if...'?

The annoying sod dear lad thinks he's being helpful, but it doesn't half get on my nerves.

Example: I decide to mop the kitchen floor and move to get a mop out of the cupboard.
DH - "Wouldn't it be better if you swept the floor first?"
Me - (clenched teeth) "I was going to sweep the floor first, I prefer to have the mop ready for when I've finished sweeping the floor."
DH - "Wouldn't it make more sense if you swept the floor, put the broom away and then got the mop out? That's what I'd do.."
Me - "Good for you..." (silently screams WHO THE HELL CARES???)

In all other ways he's very nice..

JohFlow Mon 30-Sep-13 11:39:36

Few words for the situation - narcissism, control freak, abusive, smart arse,interfering, insecurity. Feel free to discuss grin

MistressDeeCee Mon 30-Sep-13 12:19:54

My OH is like this. Always right. Sometimes we'll be debating/disputing something and then agree to disagree. But he always finds a way to bring it back into the convo later on, just to get his point across. Which doesnt work as I already know he's going to do it so Im just very offhand about it in a 'its been done & discussed already' kind of way. Lovely in other ways tho. Dont think Id like it much at all if the 'Im always right' was a big deal, AngelsLieToKeepControl your brother making a point about how to put on eyeshadow made me smile, he's got a lot of time on his hands methinks..yes, the smile and nod is best (and secretly you know best, anyway) smile

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Mon 30-Sep-13 12:31:00

ARGH, this is my MIL. I've just had to silently fume whilst smiling and nodding because she Will Not Believe that there is anything out of the ordinary with ds2 who is currently undergoing assessment for autism and dyspraxia. It's painfully obvious to anyone who spends 5 seconds with ds that he's not like other 7 year olds but because she used to teach reception and yr1, MIL is obviously more qualified than the fucking paediatrician, school nurse and SENCO who have thus far all agreed that he is somewhere on the spectrum. angry

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant. She's only just left so the rage is fresh in my mind just now!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 30-Sep-13 13:33:43

I have a solution for that one, vlad. - anyone who offers advice has volunteered to do the job.

Hand him the mop and say knock yourself out, pal. grin

As for the brother who's just spoken to someone who knows - imagine the fun you could have - oh, fab, who was that? where were you when you spoke to them? how well do you know them? how did you happen to get onto that subject? ...

Beastofburden Mon 30-Sep-13 13:35:46

I work with a lot of academic and indeed have married one. After 25 years I can tell you that the more expert someone is in a field, the less likely they are to claim that they are always right.

Angel's brother seems to need an awful lot of validation, doesn't he? Almost as if he doesn't trust his own judgement, ahem.

NotDead Mon 30-Sep-13 13:37:42

well you are wrong about your tax.. and its new york, not texas.

edam Mon 30-Sep-13 13:40:38

YY agree with Hecsy, anyone who knows better than you how to mop the floor or load the dishwasher or sort the washing should be encouraged to demonstrate...

That includes the brother who knows how to put on eyeshadow. grin

CailinDana Mon 30-Sep-13 13:48:09

Hec is right vlad, you're totally missing a trick there. No one dares comment on anything I do because that's a surefire way to get me to dump the task on delegate the task to them.

lol at the talking to an expert brother.
there was a thread on here a few weeks ago where slowly throughout the thread the poster drip fed rubbish about how much research and expert opinions she'd gathered on a particular subject just to prove her point when a mass of people disagreed with her.
it was so obvious she was talking out of her arse!

Fecklessdizzy Mon 30-Sep-13 13:58:55

Oh God, this is me and my entire family. We are awful, and to make it worse in my saner moments I can see it but then the red mist descends .... blush

vladthedisorganised Mon 30-Sep-13 14:20:40

Hee hee - I must admit I told DH I never do anything around the house if he's around, precisely because he clearly knows all the "best" ways to do every single thing.

In my more irritable moments I have invited him to comment on the effectiveness or otherwise of peeing sitting down.

LoopThePoop Mon 30-Sep-13 14:24:17

MIL. Always right. About everything. I gave up arguing. I just it there now and think to myself 'shut up you twat' and smile sweetly.

She even Tried to persuade me my own birth certificate must be wrong.
(I'm a version of a full name, still a name in itself not a NN) She told me it couldn't be right. Ok then.

Shodan Mon 30-Sep-13 14:30:30

DH is like this and frankly, it's very wearing.

He used to try and back up his argument with "Well everybody I know says/does the same as me." which of course would prompt me to say "What, everybody? Your boss? The man in the corner shop? You've asked them about that, have you?" or "No, not everybody you know. I, for one, don't."

But I still have to resort to Google to prove that I'm right. Either that or a)argue 'til I'm blue in the face or b) say "whatever." Both of which leave me feeling like a truculent teenager...

WiddleAndPuke Mon 30-Sep-13 14:41:56

I suspect I'm a bit like this but only if I know without a doubt I'm right.

Example: the word "mischievous". My friend insists it's pronounced "miss-chee-vee-uss".

I say no, it isn't because there's no second "i". She says no but the second "i" is silent. We've actually had quite heated debates over it. I can't let it go but nor can she. And she's got no excuse for not letting it go BECAUSE SHE'S WRONG DAMMIT!

WiddleAndPuke Mon 30-Sep-13 14:43:09

I mean how can the second "i" be silent?? There isn't a second "i" and anyway you're ADDING a letter!!

Thumbwitch Mon 30-Sep-13 15:02:55

I have a tendency to be like this. I try to control it but I do get the arse when I come up against other people like this who are clearly wrong yet insist they are still right. (I am actually right most of the time, but not all of it).

My brother was painfully like Angel's brother - and would keep on and on and on and on and ON until you just caved and said "yes, ok, you're right and all the other people/experts are wrong"

My mum was hellbent on proving I was wrong, otoh. Even when I was right. For e.g. - I worked in a hospital lab, on the blood side. I knew a fair bit about blood (still do). But my MUM still knew more about it all than I did because she had been "told by a consultant when she was pg with X" and therefore her knowledge superseded mine. hmm

I had a good one at work once - discussion of the word "priapic". The other person knew the word but insisted it was priapRic, because she "knew someone who had it". It's not, it's priapic. I smiled and nodded, checked for my own sanity in the dictionary and never mentioned it again.

DH is another one who likes to be right all the time, but he knows he is like this and sometimes makes a joke of it. He doesn't try to make out I'm wrong though; just that he is ALSO right, even when our statements are completely opposite to each other. INteresting bit of mental gymnastics he can do there! grin

DSs don't stand a chance...

SelectAUserName Mon 30-Sep-13 15:14:01

My Dad is like this. He drives me to distraction, especially as he is another who has the ability to blame someone else on the 'rare' hmm occasions he is proved wrong.

His 'finest moment' was - on the basis of no legal knowledge or training whatsoever - arguing with me till he was black in the face that people who work in driving jobs who get caught drink-driving hardly ever get banned because they can plead losing their livelihood as a defence and can argue they are a special case. I work in the Criminal Justice System and have been in court and seen people banned with my own eyes ...but I'm still wrong and he's still right. hmm

SelectAUserName Mon 30-Sep-13 15:14:52

that should read seen such people banned i.e. people who drive for a living, just to be clear.

Hullygully Mon 30-Sep-13 15:17:54

I think everyone is like it

except that bastard gandhi

thebody Mon 30-Sep-13 15:24:27

my dad and dsis. too a bloody tee.

usually I smile and say ' if you say so dear' or a 'sure you know best' but it's essential to smile brightly like you are talking to a small child.

I never argue back as it's so foreign to me to do so I get way too upset.

AdoraBell Mon 30-Sep-13 15:29:55

FIL is like this and even DD (aged 12) has started doing it.

My preferred response is "okay" and then ignore everything else they spout, although with DD I am trying to teach her to change, doesn't seem to be working yet though.

thebody Mon 30-Sep-13 15:33:27

I think for some people they take it very personally if someone has a different opinion or choice to them.

so fit example my dad is always texting me to watch a certain comedy programme which I am not interested in. he can't take this so keeps asking me if I have watched it yet and if not why not.

I usually just say I have and he shuts up.

ObtuseAngel Mon 30-Sep-13 15:33:29

A really lovely passive-aggressive thing to do with people who are 'right' is to say "That's absolutely fascinating, I can't believe I thought something different was the truth. Could you please email me a link to some reliable source (BBC/quality broadsheet newspaper/scientific magazine) as I would love to read a bit more about it." Then if the subject ever crops up again, you can remind them that they haven't provided you with further reading on the subject, why is that?

NB - this only works if you are sure they are wrong and so can't provide any evidence, otherwise you will end up with a load of turgid reading. grin

JedwardScissorhands Mon 30-Sep-13 15:46:23

DM does the TV program thing too. I usually go for yes, watched it, thought it was rubbish.

She also does it with presents. She doesn't just get it wrong, she deliberately buys what she knows I should like. always know I am going to get some god awful moisturiser / other random cosmetic product that she uses for Christmas if in October she tells me "oh, you've bought moisturiser... I've got X, it's definitely the best one". She always buys me nighties too, because she wears them and "they are really comfortable, much nicer than pyjamas".

woozlebear Mon 30-Sep-13 15:51:25

Oh my, yes, my parents are both like this.

Dyslexia is made up, allergies are made up, global warming is made up, anything they object to is because of health and safety, or the EU. My dad is convinced that our council waste recycling is a scam and it all goes in to landfill, on the basis that if he's allowed to put his paper and glass out in one box, there's no way it can be sorted later and so it must all be treated as rubbish. I have argued about this for YEARS. They're also convinced that their (also mine) council doesn't offer food recycling even though.....it does!!

They'll have these INSANE conversations with each other where they both sagely agree that the reason the corner shop stopped stocking the biscuits they like, or why the train timetable changed or <insert mundane event here> is because of health and safety or some imaginary EU decree.

The thing is, I disagree with them so much (because virtually everything they think is MAD), that they think I have have-to-be-right syndrome and they'll do lots of sighing and raised eyebrows and 'let's humour her' passive aggressiveness at ME.

Pigsmummy Mon 30-Sep-13 15:54:13

I try not to be so petty but can't help it sometimes, for me I dont have to be right but "it" has to be right, I am happy to be corrected, if that makes any sense? I wish I could leave a conversion and a person unaware that something that they said wasn't right but I struggle, for example when discussing a beach resort I insisted that it was in North Carolina not South because it is, it didn't really matter in context to the conversation but I couldn't bear to leave it uncorrected.

I have asked a counsellor for an explanation and they say that it is part of self reassurance knowing that "it" is right. For me it's not about being competitive.

Pawprint Mon 30-Sep-13 16:12:09

I went out with someone called Nick and he was known as Know It All Nick. Seriously, he thought he was an expert on everything and would love to correct people if they made what he perceived to be an error. It was bloody irritating.

I once told him that I got followed home by a drunk man and had been scared he might attack. Nick said very loftily "You can always out run a drunk". I pointed out that this might be possible if one were sober and wearing flat shoes, but I was pissed and in stilettos.

Most of the time he was, quite simply, wrong. His pedantic nature was very irksome indeed.

YANBU. This is my FIL. The best was last Christmas. He considers himself an expert pianist, despite that fact he can only play melodies with one hand. While I am not an expert pianist, I have been playing for nearly 30 years and have not one but two music degrees. He tried to tell me my digital piano wasn't good enough as there was 'no screen to tell me what voice I am using', the left hand didn't automatically play chords and proceeded to tell me what key a piece of music I had open on the music stand was in. He was completely wrong.

I did get my own back though. While he was lambasting me for not being able to play Queen melodies while the keyboard did it's own thing to accompany it, I sat down and played a Mozart sonata. Geeky revenge is sweet sometimes.

We also had to go on holiday with him once and he insisted on getting DD1 armbands. She could swim. He wasn't having it. And neither was she grin

Kleinzeit Mon 30-Sep-13 16:34:35

I'm afraid we have a saying in our family

"Those of you who THINK you are always right ARE ANNOYING THOSE OF US WHO ARE"

Because we need it.

Chusband Mon 30-Sep-13 16:59:34

You wouldn't like me. I'm Never Wrong.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Mon 30-Sep-13 17:16:45

You are right my brother does need validation for everything. I find it quite funny now, but growing up it was annoying.

He even knew how to give birth better than I did (he was talking to a consultant in the local boozer, who also told him that his 'migranes' were worse than my labour).

Once I even commented that two songs sounded similar and he told me he and his friends bought both CDs the day before and played them at the same time and they sound nothing alike.

I could go on all day about it, what he fails to recognise is that I'm the one who is always right, I conducted an extensive survey with my kids and the result was conclusive grin

Shodan Mon 30-Sep-13 17:16:46

But there are ways and ways of saying you're right, aren't there? For example, in my family, we never say "You're wrong" or "That's crap". We say things like "Hmm. I don't think that's right, because of x or y, but it's an interesting point of view." This is then the cue for the person who is wrong to either accept their wrongness, or to look it up on the quiet and then accept their wrongness. It's usual, as well, at some point, to say "Oh d'you remember that thing we were talking about? Turns out you were right! I don't know where I got the idea from that I was talking about"- or something along those lines.

But DH will assert that he is right, even when all evidence is against him, or when he has no knowledge of the subject whatsoever. Grr.

Shodan Mon 30-Sep-13 17:20:43

Mind you, his mother and sister are exactly the same. I remember one dinner, when they were 'discussing' Charlie and the Chocolate Factory vs Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and which film stuck most closely to the book.

One of them had seen one film and read the book, another had seen the other film and read the book and the third had not read the book but had seen both films. And yet they were all arguing their point of view, even though none of them had all the information at their fingertips...

GingerPCatt Mon 30-Sep-13 17:34:55

My dad is very pedantic and he has to correct everything which gets really annoying and pisses off my mum to no end. I've taken to asking him if he'd rather be right or be happy He often chooses being right hmm

Thumbwitch Mon 30-Sep-13 23:44:07

Knowing what is right is a bit of a compulsion - I like Pigsmummy's way of thinking about it, yes, that is my problem. I have real issues with leaving things "wrong", it makes me itch!

BadSeedsAddict Mon 30-Sep-13 23:56:37

Love this thread. My dad is Always Right. If I agree with him (while secretly disagreeing/not giving the slightest crap about the subject) he cannot leave the subject alone and has to keep going on about the same fucking thing, just to make sure he has gotten his point across. I like the "I'm sure you're right" method but prefer the spending-as-little-time-in-the-same-room-as-possible technique grin

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyHearse Tue 01-Oct-13 00:08:28

My Mil and dh are one and the same. They even break into random strangers conversations should the opportunity to look like a smart arse arise. One brave lady said "Do you mind? Not only am I trying to teach her about (whatever subject my mil was an expert on) I now have to explain strangers, privacy and decorum. Thanks a bunch." grin

NoComet Tue 01-Oct-13 00:14:34

I also have very clever alway right DH,

However, of course, he's only nearly always right, but you can't tell him.

cumfy Tue 01-Oct-13 01:17:12

I thought Google had knocked all this on the head about 15 years ago.grin

What I hate is people who don't recognise that it takes two to tango, and start becoming narked simply because you have a different opinion to them.

CadleCrap Tue 01-Oct-13 05:18:36

*I know a little girl, she isn't very nice
Because everything I say I've done she's always done it twice..*

Love this. Sums up my SIL perfectly.

Slutbucket Tue 01-Oct-13 07:18:57

Very annoying although I do have a self employed nanny.......

digerd Tue 01-Oct-13 07:44:17

My DB is the worst I have ever known, inherently contradictive. As a child DM called him contrary as he would not do what he was told and do what he was told not to do.
Now he contradicts everything I and his wife say, but will repeat in different words exactly what we said. He has even contradicted himself to contradict me.grin. Does not do it to men ,though.
Dsis has to be right in a different way. I have shown her the written proof on one occasion but she still said it was wrong and she was right.
She does not do it to our DB though.

DoJo Tue 01-Oct-13 09:59:31

I love a good discussion, but try to curb my urge to 'prove' myself right as I know it's an unattractive quality and one which ends up with petty squabbles being blown out of all proportion.
Weirdly, I find few things more appealing than someone who can climb down gracefully from an incorrect assertion and every time I hear someone hold their hands up to being wrong, I remind myself that even I admire them more than someone who will go on and on until everyone is so fed up that they agree with them, so I try to keep this in mind when the urge descends!

RobotLover68 Tue 01-Oct-13 16:19:33

I worked for someone who always had to be right - even when she was wrong - she was very annoying - I don't work for her anymore grin

I'd check with HMRC on that one slutbucket, very rare for them to approve it (mainly maternity and temps, sometimes those with two or more though I'm in that category and have been told no by numerous HMRC advisors) and you'll be the one paying a fine if they haven't.

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