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Men who post sleazy shit about their sex lives.

(89 Posts)
WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco Sun 29-Sep-13 21:19:20

There's no need.

I actually find it really disturbing. Mn is populated by mainly women and some lovely men. So I find something quite, I don't know, creepy? Intimidating? Off, anyway, about men who want to tell us all about their seckshual adventures.

I'd like to invite them to stop.

Also, and this is less annoying but I'll add it so it's all one big ranty op, men who prefix their posts with 'speaking as a man' or similar and then go on to post something completely unrelated to the fact they are a bloke. it reminds me of monkeys swinging their dicks around to assert their dominance.

Aibu?

I know I'm not, but I am tired and ratty and have low tolerance levels today.

Women post about sex life on here too

TheCrumpetQueen Sun 29-Sep-13 21:24:03

Who where what when

WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco Sun 29-Sep-13 21:25:24

Yes but that's (usually) women talking to other women.

I am very far from a prude, but I find it really distasteful when men (there are two in particular recently) join a predominantly female website and then wang on about their shagging history.

WorraLiberty Sun 29-Sep-13 21:25:41

Have you seen the amount of bum sex threads/kinky sex threads etc, started by women on here?

I've only ever seen 'as a man' posted when some people are doing their usual things of saying 'all men are this' or 'all men are that'.

Do women can talk about sex any way they wat but men can't?

Have you seen women on here talk about?!

TheCrumpetQueen Sun 29-Sep-13 21:26:47

I agree op

AnaisHendricks Sun 29-Sep-13 21:26:48

My eyes glaze over when I read, "speaking as a man" because I assume mansplaining is to come. Followed by accusations of <snort> "misandry"

I do love, "I'm tired and ratty and in a bad mood but I know I'm not unreasonable" grin

WorraLiberty Sun 29-Sep-13 21:26:55

Yes but that's (usually) women talking to other women.

No it's not.

It's women posting on a wide open forum that you don't even have to be a member of to read.

TheCrumpetQueen Sun 29-Sep-13 21:27:08

Yes but that's women addressing other women

So what? Men and women cant talk about sex now? They can do it together but not speak about it together?

WorraLiberty Sun 29-Sep-13 21:28:27

And actually I think starting a thread to bitch about two new members in this way, is out of order.

If you don't like what they have to say, scroll past and ignore.

This thread is quite nasty.

MrsWolowitz Sun 29-Sep-13 21:30:43

Why shouldn't men join in with a conversation about sex?

Because they have penis' obviously Wolo

hettienne Sun 29-Sep-13 21:33:44

I haven't seen any men posting salacious stuff about their sex lives??

WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco Sun 29-Sep-13 21:34:00

I'm not bitching.

I am explaining my discomfort at reading sleazy crap posted by men on a website mostly populated by women. I think it's a bit off. I don't need to know, on a chat thread about spoons, that you are in an open relationship and love doing it al fresco. For eg.

And also men who post 'speaking as a man' as though we should all stop what we're doing and bask in the glory of being addressed by a higher being.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 29-Sep-13 21:35:40

It doesn't bother me.

Men have sex life problems as well and it's better to get some help and support

Women post shit like that! The site is for everyone.

Its ok for a woman to say it but sleazy for a man? hmm

And the speaking as a man is usually a man giving a males point of view.

WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco Sun 29-Sep-13 21:38:34

Yes. It is. Because it is 99% women posting here and I think there's something intentionally Intimidating and sleazy about it.

I'm not talking about men posting for advice. I'm talkingaabout general posting on chat threads.

There are a few who do it, and I've noticed it quite a lot lately.

WorraLiberty Sun 29-Sep-13 21:38:47

Mentioning that there are two posters in particular is out of order imo

And you're a big girl OP, I'm sure you can cope with scrolling past whoever these people are.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 29-Sep-13 21:41:02

Are you 5 seriously it is just sex talk.

Intimidating and sleazy because they talk about sex?

Men and women have sex. They can also speak about it! shock

Why cant they post on general chat threads about it? Women do it

KellyHopter Sun 29-Sep-13 21:47:37

I think I agree with you op, but I feel more that it's an unfair reaction on my part.

The fact is I haven't seen male posters overshare to anywhere near the same extent as some the freaks female posters (mercifully few though, I think).

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 21:48:09

I agree with the OP about men who come on here and are pointedly - and inappropriately - descriptive about their sex lives.

I don't think she is saying she doesn't want to hear from men or that women have the monopoly on talking about sex here. There is just a particular type of bloke who does it, as if he gets some kind of voyeuristic thrill out of telling a load of faceless women how he gets his rocks off a propos of fuck all. And they quite often happen to be F4J-type, old school menz rights blowhards to boot.

If "new members" come on and act like creeps, they deserve to have their arses handed to them.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 29-Sep-13 21:48:14

How do any of us really know who is really a woman on here though?

Just because there are only a few who openly say they are men doesn't mean there aren't quite a lot more.

Surely "speaking as a man" is the precursor to offering the male point of view. Not "mansplaining" confused

The sex threads don't interest me regardless of the gender of the OP.

WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco Sun 29-Sep-13 21:49:18

No, you're missing the point.

Talking about sex in context is one thing. Shoehorning it into every post aand going onto unrelated threads to share your wank fantasies stories is just fucking grim.

WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco Sun 29-Sep-13 21:50:16

Sorry, that was to SPs last post. X posted with all of you.

WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco Sun 29-Sep-13 21:51:10

Thanks Sheshelob, you've explained it better than me.

BOF Sun 29-Sep-13 21:55:34

There are some creepy fuckers about- if people haven't noticed them, and wish to defend their theoretical right to free speech, that's up to them. But I guess that they haven't experienced husbands or exes registering to show women they have bullied in real life know they have no space away from them, nor received PMs recommending porn and suchlike. The kneejerk response seen here doesn't surprise me though.

Boosterseat Sun 29-Sep-13 21:55:49

If you have reason to believe someone is doing it for less than admirable reasons then report them. Thems the rules grin

But I actually like some of the wanky weirdo threads. Gives me a chance to nick the great swear names that get hurled about. I.e Wankbadger.

Good for my voculabury, innit.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 29-Sep-13 22:00:59

The only time I have seen "speaking as a man" or similar, it is normally posted by someone complaining about it.

I haven't seen any of the creepy male sex threads.

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 22:01:10

I have a problem with men who think they can come on here and treat us like a load of old dears at a bus-stop, ripe for a flashing. So I am happy to chase them about until they start crying and zip their flies up.

AnaisHendricks Sun 29-Sep-13 22:01:29

Alisvolatpropiis, it should be, yes. But ime it's usually telling us where we are going wrong.

The one that really REALLY gets my goat is where someone pops up on a thread or discussion about DV and whines, "but men get beaten by their partners as well"

Yes. Mainly by their male partners.

And although female DV does happen, please stop derailing threads and go and campaign for refuges like we had to. It's an entitled attitude that women shouldn't do anything for themselves until they have sorted out all men's problems for them </rant>

But the men going on to random threads isn't what was mentioned in the OP at all.

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 22:05:18

To be fair, the majority of the creepy menz stuff is directed at the FWR board, which might be why only some of us have seen it. It seems the go-to for wannabe goaders.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 29-Sep-13 22:05:21

Ah I see OP.

Yanbu in that case

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 22:07:11

I think that's what the OP meant, though, SP, as otherwise it would be massively sexist, which she isn't. You're right to stand up for people not being sexist, but don't waste your breath on these dickheads.

AnaisHendricks Sun 29-Sep-13 22:09:07

Sorry. I just needed to say it blush

But how are we meant to know what she exactly means when she writes a OP like that? Has she have explained what she really meant it would have been a lot easier

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 22:10:06

It needs to be said, Anais.

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 22:12:23

It's weird because I knew exactly what she meant because I have encountered creeps cruising for wank fodder/attention on a few threads. Maybe you've just been lucky and you haven't seen any. But mark my words - they are out there, the slimy tosspots.

FreudiansSlipper Sun 29-Sep-13 22:13:16

i agree and i not sure all the i have name changed does you partner like, do you like blah blah are posted by women as people do love to give details, it gets competitive and no doubt someone will get off on it

just stay away from them

WorldPeaceAndFreeProsecco Sun 29-Sep-13 22:14:56

Sorry for not being clearer. It's late (for me, anyway), I'm tired and posting from my phone.

I am talking about the few men who post almost exclusively about sex, who bring it up on every thread and who come across as sleazy. The one I've noticed a lot recently does it fairly subtly but gives me the creeps.

I have reported him, by the way.

utreas Sun 29-Sep-13 22:17:50

I think the OP's tinfoil hat has slipped off her head.

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 22:18:53

<dons tinfoil hat of solidarity>

What the fuck is wrong with metallic headwear?

zippey Sun 29-Sep-13 22:20:15

Women do not have a monopoloy on this site. It is a site "By parents, for parents".

If women are allowed to post about sex, men should be able to as well, under the banner of equality.

Maybe you do have a point but I haven't seen the threads which have shocked you so I would have to say YABU. I would advise that you report these posts or move on.

And I say all this speaking as a man.

FreudiansSlipper Sun 29-Sep-13 22:20:53

there are also a few that always seem to pop up on my dh/dp went to a lap dancing club/Amsterdam/stag go with strippers type threads telling us how it is just a bit of fun and the women like it as they earn lots of money hmm

i never see them at other times

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 22:26:15

It's not about being shocked, Zippey. It is about being fucked off that some loser is piping up with stories about their sex lives willy nilly. It's like a sleazy bloke in a bar who comes over and tries to "have a crack" when you just want to have a nice time with your friends. Just because we are chatting online doesn't mean we're up for it/fair game.

ArtexMonkey Sun 29-Sep-13 22:27:31

I agree op.

The yoni massage thing wasn't just an overdone, beaten to death hilarious joke, it was a purportedly real man, who joined up with the seemingly sole purpose of trying to finger women.

However, I do agree that for every (male) nobhead who is a blatant wank troll, there are a gaggle of (female) daft ha'porths who cannot resist gormlessly oversharing to the point of making baby Jesus cry.

AnaisHendricks Sun 29-Sep-13 22:28:19

Thank you Sheshelob

I wonder if we should have a MN Everyday Sexism Project?

On one of the main boards.

I remember a thread about rape and sexual assault taking off so massively that it led to I Believe You.

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 22:33:04

We should because it is something so many of us are still uncomfortable acknowledging.

My most recent example happened yesterday.

I was dressed up for an event and suddenly realised I was visible to men no longer looked like a bag lady from space. I was with my husband and my toddler and yet still some smirking cockend had to leer at me and then shriek along with his mates when I had to walk past them twice.

The sad thing is that as a younger woman, I would have been flattered by the attention. Now I just want to tear their fucking eyes out for making me feel so self-conscious and objectifying me while I was with my baby.

AnaisHendricks Sun 29-Sep-13 22:38:01

How horrible!

OP would you like to start a separate one given that the idea came from your thread?

contortionist Sun 29-Sep-13 22:38:18

Speaking as a man, I find men who insert sexual references into every conversation they have with women sleazy and weird whether online or not.

AnaisHendricks Sun 29-Sep-13 22:41:28

contortionist thank you. My DH wanted to post the same thing.

Sheshelob Sun 29-Sep-13 22:42:06

Exactly,

NotDead Sun 29-Sep-13 22:43:10

biscuit

FreudiansSlipper Sun 29-Sep-13 22:43:15

great idea

it is so ingrained in our society that it has become the norm

i can remember putting me head down and hoping i would not be noticed when i was young and walking past a group of men

just because you want to look nice does not mean you want men making vile comments, leering at you or coming on to you

FreudiansSlipper Sun 29-Sep-13 22:44:03

contortionist i am glad to hear that and i know many men like you

AnaisHendricks Sun 29-Sep-13 22:45:48

"Cheer up luv, it might never happen"

angry

Say that to an angry or miserable-looking six foot bloke, I dare you!

BoneyBackJefferson Mon 30-Sep-13 06:51:38

AnaisHendricks
"Yes. Mainly by their male partners."

I would love to know where you get you stats from.

saintmerryweather Mon 30-Sep-13 07:06:44

this isnt your cosy little corner of the internet, and you arent out in a club with your mates. anyone can post here almost whatever they want. if you dont like it either report it or dont read it

this isnt your cosy little corner of the internet, and you arent out in a club with your mates. anyone can post here almost whatever they want. if you dont like it either report it or dont read it

^ ^ this.

The report button is there for a reason. Utilise it and move on.

TiggyD Mon 30-Sep-13 07:23:41

Maybe we need a sleazy shit forum?

There are all different kinds of trolls who come on this site. It's really overthinking it to give more credit to these ones over any of the others. If you're asking men not to post about their sex life because it offends your delicate sensibilities, YABU. If you're starting a thread about one troll that you've seen lately, and are trying to make a bigger deal out of it than it is, YABU. If you're moaning instead of using the report button, YABU.

Lazyjaney Mon 30-Sep-13 07:30:03

When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.....

Sheshelob Mon 30-Sep-13 08:39:12

It isn't about being offended or shocked or wanting a cosy corner of the Internet. It is about drawing a line and saying that it isn't acceptable, which given the amount of "in defence of the creeps" posts there have been, is absolutely required.

Running to the moderator doesn't fix this shit. They keep coming back. So why not show some solidarity with others who are fucked off with it? Why can they have freedom to say whatever they want but we have to be silenced?

candycoatedwaterdrops Mon 30-Sep-13 09:00:22

If there are creeps, report them but bear in mind, freedom is speech is allowed.

Lazyjaney Mon 30-Sep-13 09:04:58

Seems to me one small bunch of nutters want to shut up another small bunch of nutters on a public chat forum. That'll work...

Sheshelob Mon 30-Sep-13 09:10:18

Nutters?

Why does saying that I don't being sleazed on in a parenting forum - or anywhere - make me a nutter?

Should I just be grateful for the attention, Janey?

confused

Sheshelob Mon 30-Sep-13 09:10:57

*like

My tinfoil hat is obviously impairing my ability to type.

MrsGeologist Mon 30-Sep-13 09:29:01

Yes OP, it's a free internet, people can say what they want, so shut up.

grin wink

Ahem, what sheshelob said.

TiggyD Mon 30-Sep-13 09:52:50

And one person's sleaze is another person's free and liberated discussion.

For instance if you were to talk about cuddling up to your partner for a huggle in front of your TV people would think "That's nice". If you were to mention that it was a person of the same gender many people would think "That's sleazy".

digerd Mon 30-Sep-13 09:53:17

Sheshelob
I am an old<ish> dear and do sometimes stand at bus stops. I was subjected to exposers only in my tender teenage years.
Now, if it happened, an old dear would probably say loudly" Hey, your zip is undone and your little willy is sticking out. Put it away before I whack it with my walking stick/shopping bag" grin.

AnyFucker Mon 30-Sep-13 09:54:06

I expect I'll get told to shut up for being a whiny, frigid prude who hates sex so I'll keep this brief.

There are some inadequate men who see this site as full of panting, adoring, sex starved housewives to flash their (metaphorical) pathetic , friction-burned little todgers at. And some female posters lap it up for some strange reason.

There are some grandiose male posters who seek out vulnerable women and use their threads as a platform to tell us how the use of porn and sex industry establishments is a God-given right and we should STFU about it if we want to keep our man. There are some women who agree with that standpoint.

There are some female posters who also overshare stomach-churningly about their own sex lives, who further attract the wankers and wah-wah-wah when it is pointed out to them.

MNHQ know who these posters are (I among others have certainly reported them enough times) but because they stay within the current guidelines, their hands are tied.

I, for one, will not stop pointing it out when I see it. Freedom of Speech and all that.

Oh, and what Sheshelob said.

Sheshelob Mon 30-Sep-13 10:27:30

Spot on, as per usual, AF.

Tig - I'm not sure I get your point.

FreudiansSlipper Mon 30-Sep-13 10:41:49

I reported the 'do you have any tights you can send me' thread it did take a while for it to be deleted. In the meantime many were having chats with this twat and defending his little fetish

Fine to have a fetish but this is the sort of person (use person he claimed to be a man, for those that get offended for the menz)but there are plenty of sites for this here you have a direct link to thousands of women

This person is the sort of person who would have made calls asking you to send him your tights would you have engaged with him then no you would have slammed the phone down

FreudiansSlipper Mon 30-Sep-13 10:44:34

And yes Af is spot on

EldritchCleavage Mon 30-Sep-13 10:55:57

Wearing a tin-foil hat of solidarity here too.

AnyFucker Mon 30-Sep-13 10:59:06

Very fetching it is too, EC smile

AlistairSim Mon 30-Sep-13 11:06:09

>puts on tinfoil hat<

TiggyD Mon 30-Sep-13 11:13:08

Well shesh , what is sleazy depends on the person. my parents would say any talk involving the word s-e-x is sleazy. some would call bumsex sleazy. some would say a same sex couple holding hands is sleazy.

AnyFucker Mon 30-Sep-13 11:27:58

Tiggy, you have been on MN long enough to know the kind of threads we are talking about. Talking about same-sex handholding is diverting this one, somewhat.

Boosterseat Mon 30-Sep-13 11:29:03

I want a hat but its difficult to make while typing one handed grin

AnyFucker Mon 30-Sep-13 11:38:17

BS, if some of those inadequates can friction their cocks raw while typing one handed, then you can make a hat.

Come on ! Shape yerself ! wink

Boosterseat Mon 30-Sep-13 11:50:23

I can outsource it!

The shielded cap is v.discreet.

AnyFucker Mon 30-Sep-13 11:57:35

love it grin

Portofino Mon 30-Sep-13 12:01:56

AF and Sheshelob have put it perfectly.

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