To be utterly fucking fuming?

(64 Posts)
EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 07:59:05

H went out last night with work. He came in at 10.45pm, which was quite early for him. The state he came home in is what I'm so angry about. He was incoherent, couldn't stand up straight and stumbling everywhere. He woke up 7 month old DS trying to get in the house.

I had to go down to let him in. When he came in he banged about until he reached the couch and instantly began snoring. I came back upstairs, tried to settle DS. H then comes stumbling upstairs, tries to get on the bed and then falls off. When he eventually manages to get on the bed, he falls straight asleep. It took me almost 2 hours to settle DS.

Around 2.30am, H woke and stumbled around the bedroom. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he needed a wee. I told him to go to the toilet. He then pulled a bucket of clean washing, that I'd not had a chance to put away yet, to the landing and proceeded to piss in it angry Jumped out of bed and asked what he thought he was doing. He started shouting incoherent rubbish, with the odd swear word, picked up the bucket and threw it in the bathroom. Stumbles to toilet to finish his wee and stumbles back again. As soon as his head hits the pillow he started snoring again.

In the course of this, DS woke up and it took me over 2 hours to settle him. H woke at 7am and seems more 'with it', but obviously still pissed. DD1 has her very first swimming lesson at 9.30am and I'm meant to be leaving DD2 and DS here with H. I don't feel I can leave them here with him and I can't really take them with me, as not only will there not be enough room, DD2 will kick off big time if she sees the water. I don't know what to do with regards to this, whether to not go this week, but DD1 will be absolutely devastated if we don't go.

H knew that he had to look after DD2 and DS this morning and still chose to get absolutely leathered. I am tired and beyond annoyed at him. AIBU?

RedHelenB Sun 29-Sep-13 08:04:36

Leave them with him as planned.

itried Sun 29-Sep-13 08:05:45

Ex H did that. Once. I went out all day and left him with a massive hangover and two small children.

If he is at all presentable make him come with you if you can. The merry sound of excited young children and your DD2 kicking off might just mean he does not do it again. You are very def NBU

havingamadmoment Sun 29-Sep-13 08:06:45

I wouldnt leave them with him if he is still drunk. I have no idea what you could do about swimming - is there anyone else who could look after dd2 for you?

I would be fuming too. Is he normally like this or is it a one off? I would be having serious words once he sobers up.

MOTU Sun 29-Sep-13 08:07:56

Yanbu. Only you can judge if he'd physically capable of caring for them for an hour or so but I'd say by now it should just be unpleasant for him rather than dangerous for them. I'm genuinely curious as to how much you have to drink to get to that point- I mean how much can you get down yourself before 10.30??!

picnicbasketcase Sun 29-Sep-13 08:08:05

Do exactly as you planned. It's his own fault if he chose to make himself feel like crap, he knew the plan for today and didn't act accordingly. Unless he's still so drunk you don't trust him with the kids...

catgirl1976 Sun 29-Sep-13 08:10:10

Yup - leave them with him as planned.

Maybe invite several dozen of their friends round for a play date . impromptu party?

HooverFairy Sun 29-Sep-13 08:10:31

YANBU re. The swimming lesson and, yes, your DH should have had the forethought not to get that leathered when he had responsibilities the next day. I can completely understand why you were angry but it's never a good idea to vent anger when the other person is drunk, it doesn't get you anywhere and just builds up more resentment from you. Do you have someone you could call on for help this morning, even just to sit with the other children at the swimming pool whilst you get your DD changed? If not, I'd just give it a go or take DH and make him look after the others in the viewing area at the pool. If he's still drunk then do not leave your other children with him.

Once you've sorted the swimming out, think about how to approach DH. Definitely wait until later on, hold out until the children are in bed if possible. You need to tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable and immature, it has a time and a place of course, but not on an evening with children in the house and when he's inclined to piss all over the place. And if he doesn't like being treated like a teenager then he shouldn't act like one.

If this is just a one off then I'd say my piece and then let it go, I'd be a bit more insistent and angry if it was a regular occurrence. I'd tell him that things had to change and that he needed help if it was happening all the time. Good luck OP, I really hope your day gets better.

StayAwayFromTheEdge Sun 29-Sep-13 08:11:37

To be honest I would take them all with me and deal with DH when you get home - he doesn't sound in a fit state to look after them.

Any chance you can take them both for a swim while DD1 has her lesson?

MortifiedAdams Sun 29-Sep-13 08:12:17

Has he ever behaved like this after a night out before? Or is it totally out of character?

Jinsei Sun 29-Sep-13 08:12:43

Yanbu! There is no excuse for a responsible adult to get themselves into that state. He is an arse.

If he is still drunk, I don't think you can leave the other children with him. Can you take them with you and bribe them to behave nicely with the promise of some sort of treat afterwards?

VitoCorleone Sun 29-Sep-13 08:13:06

Do not let your daughter miss her first swimming lesson because your husband is a drunken twat. Pissing on your washing?!? I'd fucking kill him.

SoupDragon Sun 29-Sep-13 08:14:00

Leave DD2 with him and take DS.

PenelopePitstops Sun 29-Sep-13 08:16:21

Being that incoherent suggests he could have been spiked. Especially the fact 2 hours later he was still a mess.

This happened to me once, completely out of character to be that drunk, I'd had 2 g&ts. I came home incoherent. Slept, woke up and vomited a lot. I slept so much the next day and was still groggy a few days later.

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 08:16:29

He is still a bit pissed. He can at least talk, rather than the state he got in in, but he keeps fucking laughing and giggling at everything. I wouldn't really feel comfortable leaving him with them to be honest. If he was just hungover I would, but he is genuinely still pissed.

He doesn't go out a lot, the state he comes home in can vary. It's rare he comes home in the state he was last night. He went out straight after work finished yesterday afternoon and still has no idea how much he's drank. I'm currently debating cancelling the swimming lesson, I've no one else at all that can come and mind Dd2 or DS for me.

Leave DD with him if you think he is fit to look after her as in not drunk. If he has hangover then tough luck. If taking DS with you it gets really hot by side of pool so be prepared to strip him off.

Deal with DH when you get home. Does he normally get in such a state?

GogoGobo Sun 29-Sep-13 08:17:47

Hard one, i imagine he would love the house to himself for a couple of hours to recover but i would be reluctant to leave DC with a drunk idiot. As for the pissing on clothes, absolutely rank. I absolutely hate the impact alcohol has on so many kids weekends. No wonder you are livid.

Don't cancel swimming lesson

Take him with you to look after DD2 and DS

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 08:20:35

Sorry cross posted with many. I will take DS with me I think. I'm more worried about leaving them with him in case he falls asleep, as DD2 is 2 and will give him pretty much anything to play with. Which he then tries to eat.

I don't think he has been spiked, just drank far too much. I'm not sure whether he ate whilst they were out. They were meant to be eating but he still hasn't told me whether he did actually eat.

Finola1step Sun 29-Sep-13 08:22:58

Another vote for leave dd2 at home and take ds with you. With strict instructions that he must have started re washing the laundry and have cleaned up the mess in the bathroom. Then at some point this afternoon, get your bag and go out. By yourself. Even if its just for a walk or for a coffee. This is not to punish him but to give yourself a bit of space and peace.

I would also question how on earth he got so drunk so quickly. Or did he start drinking in the afternoon?

StayAwayFromTheEdge Sun 29-Sep-13 08:23:05

Don't take him with you if he's drunk!

Just take them with you and leave him at home to sleep it off. There is no reason I can see to cancel the lesson.

RobotHamster Sun 29-Sep-13 08:23:15

It doesn't sound like he's capable of looking after the other kids and I wouldn't leave them. What if he passes out? It does sound like he might have been spiked - yes, it could well be just the alcohol but he came home early and his behaviour sounds very strange.

beepoff Sun 29-Sep-13 08:23:35

If you leave them with him, hide the car keys or take them with you so he can't drive. Make him drink a coffee to wake him up. I think the children would be fine although he might be short tempered. Is your 7 month old mobile yet?

YANBU at all. I would be livid too and he would pay big time.

RobotHamster Sun 29-Sep-13 08:23:58

Xposts.

AcrylicPlexiglass Sun 29-Sep-13 08:25:06

Take them all. Buy sweets and take toys, magazines or books to entertain the little ones. Admire your eldest doing her swimming. Leave dh to sober up and become ashamed. Look forward to next Sunday morning when you will be completely fancy free whilst Dh takes all 3 of them swimming.

picnicbasketcase Sun 29-Sep-13 08:25:08

It is possible that he just drank tons on a completely empty stomach then? Plus the pissing everywhere and rowdiness. No wonder you're angry Is he usually this thoughtless?

Finola1step Sun 29-Sep-13 08:25:19

X post. As he is still pissed, do not leave dd2 with him. All go and he can look after dd2 with you nearby.

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 08:25:32

The swimming lessons take place at a pool, which is at a local school. It's a really small place and they specifically tell you that there's only room for one parent to come, as you are pool side whilst there. There isn't a proper viewing area if that makes sense.

lunar1 Sun 29-Sep-13 08:25:47

I wouldn't leave my children with him in this state.

MrsHoratioNelson Sun 29-Sep-13 08:27:10

Every time we have one of these threads I am astonished at the number of supposed grown ups who think its OK to go out and get absolutely paralytic. Don't get me wrong, I've done it myself but surely having kids is the watershed when this sort of thing stops or, at the very least, gets tones down?

Anyway, I'm glad that you have made a decision to take your DD swimming, it's not fair on her (and the other DCs) to miss out because their father can't hold his drink.

I think that ought to be the thrust of any discussion with DH about this episode.

beepoff Sun 29-Sep-13 08:27:22

I doubt he got spiked. Much more likely he drank quickly on an empty stomach. Starting at 5.30 he could have easily put away 6 pints or two bottles of wine.

catgirl1976 Sun 29-Sep-13 08:28:32

Ah sorry - I thought he was just hungover

If he is still pissed obviously you can't leave them with him

How much has he drunk to have been home that early and still be drunk now?

SanityClause Sun 29-Sep-13 08:29:54

I would be very concerned about leaving the DC with him, actually.

Wake him at 8:30, and see what his mental state is. Will he be capable of looking after them for the hour and a half (?) you are out.

Also, make sure he re-washes the clothes he pissed on. And show your contempt for that! It's one thing to go out and have fun, and 10:45 isn't late to come in, if it's not otherwise inconvenient, but to be so disruptive and incapable is just contemptible.

Ham69 Sun 29-Sep-13 08:30:55

Poor you OP. he owes you

Ham69 Sun 29-Sep-13 08:38:18

Posted too soon dam phone. He owes you one hell of an apology when he sobers up. Take the younger one if you feel uncomfortable leaving her with him but don't miss swimming. I know you're angry right now but you can dine out on this story for years to come and totally embarrass him. I would and have done. Like the time my DH was so pissed that he fell down the stairs on way to bathroom and pissed himself at the bottom. Not funny at time but oh how I've laughed since (at his expense in front of neighbours, etc). Good luck and take the opportunity today to buy yourself some treats online after your ordeal.

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 08:40:53

I'm definitely taking DD1 swimming. She isn't missing out because of him. I have a double pram, so could arguably take both DS and DD2 with me. The swimming lessons are about a 10 minute walk from our house and the lesson will be 30 minutes. He's been awake since 7 and is currently lying on the couch with a duvet. Seems to not be so giggly now. He can put quite a lot of drink away, but I still didn't expect him to roll in in that state.

Altinkum Sun 29-Sep-13 08:41:26

I can't believe people are advising her to leave to small children with a man who is still pissed.

I cancel OP, your children's safety is more
Important than a swim lesson.

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 08:44:40

Ham, you reminded me of a few years back when he lived with friends in our house before I moved in. There was no bannister back then and he had been on a rugby night out. He was trying to go upstairs, fell over the side half way up and left a huge dent in the radiator in the hall.

Euphemia Sun 29-Sep-13 08:48:26

What a prick. I would be raging.

Ham69 Sun 29-Sep-13 08:48:45

It's good to know they learn their lesson, isn't it grin

Chippednailvarnish Sun 29-Sep-13 08:49:18

He sounds a right catch. He clearly has a binge drinking problem, the swimming lesson is a minor inconvenience in comparison.

Rooners Sun 29-Sep-13 08:53:24

It sounds like he took something to me.

anon2013 Sun 29-Sep-13 09:16:21

YANBU most guys have one night like this, shame him with exactly what he did (an ex decided to open a wardrobe and have a wee in it ffs!) and I'll doubt it'll happen again!.

Leave the kids with him 100%

CaptainSweatPants Sun 29-Sep-13 09:25:12

Take them all to swimming
You'll be fine smile

anon2013 Sun 29-Sep-13 13:23:59

so what did you do OP?

valiumredhead Sun 29-Sep-13 13:28:09

Dear God that is revolting.

I'd be particularly angry at the prospect of rocking up with the other two kids against clear instructions regarding space, and having to explain to the teacher that they had to come as their dad was too drunk to stay with them. Mortifying!

I agree you need to make sure he cleans everything (including things he didn't mess up) and on top of the suggestion of going out alone, I suggest that on your return he takes the kids to the park and leaves you to have a nap. After a trip out and an hour of peace indoors you should be feeling much calmer, and hopefully after several hours' of childcare on a hangover he'll be feeling very sorry for himself. You can talk about it properly tonight once everyone's in bed. No point in doing so any earlier.

OodAlpha Sun 29-Sep-13 13:47:59

Is he sober yet OP?

oldgrandmama Sun 29-Sep-13 13:53:18

Worrying. Are you sure he didn't take, intentionally or unintentionally, some 'pharmaceutical'? The 'giggling' etc. this morning sound weird.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 29-Sep-13 13:53:29

It sounds like he either had his drink spiked or took something.

What did you end up doing?

I'd have either taken them all or pretended to DD1 that swimming had to be cancelled (at the pool like that near us, it's sometimes cancelled if another group needs to use it - so not uncommon).

I hope he has done the washing again and has apologised by now.

Thumbwitch Sun 29-Sep-13 13:54:03

I am glad that you decided to take DD1 to swimming, and that you also decided to take the other 2 with you.

I'm all in favour of leaving small children in the charge of hungover parents, but not still-drunk ones, it's just too risky as you realised.

However - his hangover should have started to kick in by now - so it's time to let him play with the 2yo grin. And as for the pissy washing, well - I think I'd probably pick out anything of his and leave it for him to deal with, but rewash the rest myself. [petty]

Thumbwitch Sun 29-Sep-13 13:54:33

Oh, and YANBU, just in case that wasn't obvious. smile

Finola1step Sun 29-Sep-13 16:29:07

How did it go OP?

EricNorthmansFangbanger Sun 29-Sep-13 20:00:21

Sorry I'm only just getting back to this, it's been a rubbish day.

I didn't end up taking DD1 to her lesson. I just wasn't happy with leaving DD2 and DS with him. I also didn't want to take them to the pool, as it is such a small space and they do specifically state there is only room for one parent for each child to attend the lessons.

He has been sober but hungover to feck. Been sick quite a few times. I'm still mightily annoyed at him and sad that DD1 has missed out today. H says he feels really bad about it and I hope he is ashamed of himself. He didn't eat and mixed his drinks. No wonder he came in sozzled.

He has a planned night out in October with his old uni rugby team. I've told him that I don't want him to go, based on how he was last night. Going out with them may mean he comes home in that state again or even worse. I think he thinks I'm messing but there is no way in hell I'm having this again and DD1 will have a lesson the day after that too...I'm not letting her miss out again.

myBOYSareBONKERS Sun 29-Sep-13 20:05:19

but how will you stop him? He thinks you are only messing about even though he knows he messed up.

Doesn't sound like he takes you very seriously or respects you

leobear Sun 29-Sep-13 20:12:19

To be fair,it doesn't sound like it's exactly a regular occurrence. We're all human we all fuck up from time to time, and if there's many people on this thread who can hand on heart say they've never overdone it on booze since they had kids - I'm not sure I believe you!

VeryStressedMum Sun 29-Sep-13 20:25:19

I'd be so pissed off about the washing , and about him waking the baby, however I agree with leobear, it doesn't sound like he does it every weekend. I'm a very sensible mother but believe me I've gone out and totally overdone it on drink and been in some state!
Let him sort the washing out and I'm sure it won't happen again , but if it does then that's the time to start the serious talking.

Know how you feel! Years ago, thankfully before kids, DH went out on a bender. I woke to my neighbour knocking the door at 2am asking if the bloke on the front garden belonged to me?! blush He had been dropped off and collapsed in the garden, was sick in the flower bed angry and dozed off face down. Dragged him in and he pissed on his clock radio next to his bed!! Next day the whites of his eyes were really blood shot, Oh how we laughed!! NOT! I could of killed him and often remind him, and others about it, Men are pricks of the highest order!

parkin2010 Sun 29-Sep-13 21:00:30

I would be furious. You sound a really nice person, he sounds horrendous. Pissing in your washing, waking uo your kids and letting down his daughter would be it for me I'm afraid. Hope you are ok x

mumofweeboys Sun 29-Sep-13 21:14:57

He was an arse. If he wants to go out again I would tell him to stay with a friend or book hotel room. I make my oh do this as he only goes out once every 6 months or less but gets in the same state as your dh. I don't mind him going out but if he comes home he makes a right noise, disturbs kids and then throws up which I have to deal with. So we compromise, he goes out and stays with a mate.

pointythings Sun 29-Sep-13 21:35:15

I hope he did the bloody laundry for you!!! I showed DH this thread and he was horrified - he has never, ever behaved like this and never, ever will. Your H should definitely be grounded for the rugby club do, or alternatively he should pay for a hotel locally where he can sleep it off and not come home until he is presentable.

mysticminstrel Sun 29-Sep-13 21:46:23

I would have made him get up and come with me!

He could have been the parent by the side of the pool while you looked after your other DC outside.

DH and I have nights out but we agree what is and isn't going to be acceptable the next day.

DH went on a christmas night out a few years ago - I agreed to look after the DC til midday then he was to get up and get on with it. He stayed out til 5AM. DC2's cold developed into a chest infection and we ended up having to take her to the walk in centre at the hospital.

I made him come too, sweating and heaving. Tough shit, you do the crime you do the time.

mysticminstrel Sun 29-Sep-13 21:49:05

(I made him come too after midday - I had spent the morning at the Dr's waiting for a sit and wait appt with 2 dc, and eventually they said it would be quicker to go to the hospital. By which point it was midday, DH's time was up so I made him get up and help me).

YouTheCat Sun 29-Sep-13 21:57:37

You can't really stop him going unfortunately. You'd kind of hope he'd work it out for himself but if that's not looking good could you arrange childcare for an hour for the little ones for when he goes on his rugby drinking binge and tell him to book a hotel or stay with a mate so you don't have to deal with this drunken manchild? That way you don't get the stress of dealing with a drunken idiot and your dd gets to go swimming.

Then book yourself a weekend off as his penance.

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