Son's teacher asking me to vary privacy preferences

(90 Posts)
DustBunnyFarmer Fri 27-Sep-13 08:58:49

My son's teacher (primary) caught me outside school this morning and initiated conversation about whether I would agree to her posting a video of the whole class made during a recent topic on the school website so all the parents could enjoy it. She said there had been a few other parents who'd signed a 'no photos' clause like us that she'd had to speak to, but I was the only one left

DH and I expressed preference for no photos in school publicity/on web when both of our boys started. There was a reason for this (family issue), but also we guard our online privacy jealously. We don't facebook, twitter or photoshare and have spoken to relatives about plastering pictures of our kids all over their FB account with their full names in the past.

AIBU to think that, if a parent has clearly expressed a view on this, the school - or an isolated teacher in this case - should not be trying to renegotiate and definitely not by tring to guilt 'the last man standing'?

For info, the video would not be posted in a password protected area - it would be on the main website, open for the whole world to see.

ll31 Fri 27-Sep-13 09:02:08

So he'll be in middle of big group? Don't see ptoblemish tbh. Also don't see why teacher shouldnt ask you,is no one ever allowed ask if you've changed your mind?

geekgal Fri 27-Sep-13 09:02:30

YANBU - once it's on the web, password protected or not, it's there for all to see! Stick to your guns, tell this teacher what to go and do...

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 27-Sep-13 09:03:37

I am really shocked they have asked this - as you say you're not just being paranoid, there are family reasons behind it. Is she mad?? Children could be in care or escaping an abusive relative or anything at all.

There is a reason you have to sign to agree to photos being used - she should be aware of this. It's nothing to do with "paedo paranoia".

I would speak to the head and make sure they are aware that this teacher has taken it upon herself to try and persuade people against this.

dyslexicdespot Fri 27-Sep-13 09:04:52

I agree with geekgal, she should never have asked.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus Fri 27-Sep-13 09:07:40

Well, I don't agree they should try and guilt you but I'm not sure it is inappropriate to ask whether, in this context, you would be willing to make an exception.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 27-Sep-13 09:08:07

She should not have asked. This is your decision to make.

I wouldn't mind personally, but that is not the issue. You clearly do and you have the right to say no.

Sirzy Fri 27-Sep-13 09:08:45

She asked, you said no. It would only become a problem if she continued asking IMO.

Trills Fri 27-Sep-13 09:09:30

I don't think it would be unreasonable of the school to talk to parents who have said "no photos" about exactly what it is that they object to, in order to distinguish between different levels of privacy required.

It shouldn't be done at the school gate though.

RedPencils Fri 27-Sep-13 09:09:44

I wouldn't have a problem with the teacher asking at all. She doesn't know your reasons.

Just say no, if she applies any more pressure than speak to the head.

cfc Fri 27-Sep-13 09:10:21

YABU. She was just asking. You said no. End of.

BrokenSunglasses Fri 27-Sep-13 09:10:37

I don't see the problem with them asking unless they are aware there is a specific child protection issue, but you are within your rights to say no. I'd say they have asked you about it so that you can judge the appropriateness of this on its own, as a separate thing to all photos fan videos being used on the net or in local papers or whatever.

If you are that determined that you don't want your dc on the Internet, you could ask that their faces are blurred. Maybe you could see the video yourself before deciding.

ISolemnlySwearThatIAmUptoNoGoo Fri 27-Sep-13 09:17:12

I don't see a problem with her asking. You might have changed r mind, it sounds like the other parents who previously said no did.
If she asks again then I would be annoyed.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 27-Sep-13 09:22:02

I do see an issue with her asking.

Its a form of pressure and if you add the cp exclusion its like saying we are going to pressure you about a matter that shoud be 100% your choice unless you have a reason we agree with.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 27-Sep-13 09:23:41

The teacher was putting pressure on. All the other parents have said yes - it is just you!

quoteunquote Fri 27-Sep-13 09:24:24

It is incredibly unfair for her to of wanted to put this on the web, for public view, when she was aware that there were children in the video who have the no photo clause,

I would have a chat with the head, as if you are the only one left that is preventing the video being shared, expect some backlash from disappointed children and parents, which always happens in some sort of way.

HumphreyCobbler Fri 27-Sep-13 09:24:31

I have been in this situation as a teacher and just had to suck it up.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 27-Sep-13 09:28:18

So say no.

The teacher should have thought about this before planning the activity, if posting the film was important to her. She could have run and filmed part of the activity with only 'publishable' children.

Finola1step Fri 27-Sep-13 09:28:25

She shouldn't have asked. You do not need to explain your decision. In my school we have a number of families who have refused permission for photos and videos for all sorts of reasons. It's quite simple. If you make a video or take photos, make sure the children in question are out of shot. Then all are happy.

It sounds like to me that this teacher may not have been aware of who she did or did not have permission for. Or if she did, then she didn't think it through. It's your decision and do not feel pressurised into changing that.

would you be willing to have a look at the video before saying no outright to see just how much your DC is in it or if there actually are any clear shots of them in it?

SilverApples Fri 27-Sep-13 09:31:13

Just say no.
YABU about being cross she asked you, I'm having a flashback to that odd thread where a mother had insisted her child had no part in all that Godshit and was then cross they weren't in the Christmas production.
Lots of posters said that she should have been personally approached by the teacher to check if that's what she really meant.

JammieCodger Fri 27-Sep-13 09:31:41

What's the harm in her asking? You can, and have, said no. I don't see what the issue is at all. You were only the 'last man standing' by virtue of being the last person she asked. If she's asked you, you'd said no and then she'd come back to you after she'd got yesses from the others then you'd have a point, as it is, YABU.

NoMoreMadCatLady Fri 27-Sep-13 09:32:04

Could they pixelate out the children whose parents don't want them in it?

Viviennemary Fri 27-Sep-13 09:33:12

I don't see the harm in her asking. But say no if you don't want it posted. Why should a video with your child appearing in it be permanently on the web for everyone to see if you don't want this. I agree. Say no.

" a video of the whole class made during a recent topic"
Parental preferences were known before this video was made, so some effort to NOT video those children could have been made, and the video editted post-filming to ensure those children were not in shot. Instead, the teacher is trying to guilt you into changing your preferences to suit herself.

Not only would I be saying no, but I'd be making these points to the headteacher, and possibly the governors.

And the teacher is probably using the 'you're the last' arguement with ALL the parents she is approaching.

Twiddlebum Fri 27-Sep-13 09:39:49

We have opted for no photos etc due to my husbands job (police) I would be really annoyed if they had approached me like that!

MissStrawberry Fri 27-Sep-13 09:39:59

ll31 spectacularly missing the point there hmm.

My previous head made a comment about my dd missing out on something due to my privacy form and it really pissed me off. Most parents say no for very valid and private reasons and the staff need to respect that.

If she said "I just wanted to check if the situation was the same as we would like to do X" then fine but to say you were the last one implying if you say no it spoils it for everyone else was plain wrong and I would be having words.

Asking in public was also a bulling tactic to make you feel you couldn't say no and also gave you no warning of what she was going to ask you.

Just say no and refer her to your form.

jacks365 Fri 27-Sep-13 09:41:05

Yanbu. The school had already asked and you said no this teacher asking again is rude and the way she did it was just putting pressure on you to say yes. I wonder if she told all the parents they were the last ones.

I would make a complaint to the school and reiterate that no means no.

bicyclefish Fri 27-Sep-13 09:48:02

Hi All, first time caller, long time lurker here, so sorry if i say the wrong thing, but I have to agree with the general theme here, YANBU.
If they have the policy in place that parents can opt out of having their childrens images on public view then they have a duty to stick to that.
They obviously had the policy prior to the filming so, as previously mentioned, they should have taken this into account when filming the event.
however, post processing nowadays is not a really tricky affair and it would be relatively easy for someone with a bit of knowhow to "blur" the faces of your DC's, would that be acceptable to you and perhaps a happy medium? Either way, the school should adhere to your wishes. whatever the reasons.

I agree with pixelating out the opters out. Seems like a fair compromise.

When DC were at primary they had a policy of photos allowed unless any parent objected. It spoilt it for the entire school when one parent exercised that option. My photos of school plays / sports days go up to year 4 and then stop.

Charlesroi Fri 27-Sep-13 09:49:44

I can understand you not wanting a video of your child on the internet, and your reasons are your own business.
I'd probably write to the school mentioning the conversation with the teacher, restating that you wish images to remain private. Just to cover yourself against any 'misunderstandings'.

Keep saying no, YANBU. It's not anything to do with her as to why you have said no to begin with. I'd check their policy too, as in the schools that my adopted aunt (aged 10, so it's still ongoing!) has been in, one of them explicitly stated that these children were not to be filmed or photographed at all and the other is "without explicit parent/guardian permission for the event".

treas Fri 27-Sep-13 10:21:09

Really a non-issue. She asked if it was a possibility that they could do it and you are sticking to your view and said no.

If you don't ask you don't get, or in this case ask and don't get. Either way why get annoyed.

"When DC were at primary they had a policy of photos allowed unless any parent objected. It spoilt it for the entire school when one parent exercised that option. My photos of school plays / sports days go up to year 4 and then stop."

RE this comment, it could potentially ruin a child's life if you end up photographing them. I'd rather not have any photos of sports day than risk that!

frumpet Fri 27-Sep-13 10:42:53

I dont think there is a problem with a teacher asking you as a one off , although if i were the teacher and knew your thoughts on this issue i would always make sure your child was on the edge of a group photo so they could be photo shopped off , therefore the issue would never arise .

frumpet Fri 27-Sep-13 10:46:06

Sorry i just realised you are talking about a video which of course would be harder to edit . Its a difficult one , because i understand the motivation of the teacher wanting to share the video with other parents and yet on the other hand i can also understand your objections .

VenusDeWillendorf Fri 27-Sep-13 10:53:55

There were quite a few parents who signed "no" to all the photos, videos etc in our local school, but they were heartbroken that their dcs weren't in the team photos, school show videos etc etc.

Maybe the teacher was a bit insensitive, and could have double checked with you in a more serious setting, but I feel that there's no harm double checking with you.

If the parents who signed "no" had been fully aware of their decision on their dcs in the school, I doubt they would have signed "no".

As it was their dcs were made stand to the side, and leave the show video and photo, and not get photographed in the team as their parents had said "no" without fully realising what it entailed for their dcs. <The exclusion was perhaps an ott reaction from the school, but they were obliging the parents' requests in their opinion: the children of course were intensely embarrassed with the fuss>

You could ask that your DC always has his back to the camera, so he's not excluded from the class: this might be the best option for him, rather being branded a freak by his class, for whatever (legitimate) reason you have to keep him undocumented.

Weller Fri 27-Sep-13 10:58:13

I could imagine if the teacher edited the children out and posted the video some parents would complain and be asking why the teacher didn't ask. A bit of a no win situation.

EmmelineGoulden Fri 27-Sep-13 11:01:10

I don't think it's wrong of the teacher to ask over a specific case. But the way she asked (all the others have agreed etc.) was wrong. She should have made it very clear that she understands your default position is no and that whatever your reasons are she respects them but was just wondering if this specific instance would fall outside fo thse reasons.

MrsOakenshield Fri 27-Sep-13 11:09:25

I would ask to see the video. Your child may not be identifiable. If they are, ask if they can be pixellated out. If they can't, then you say no.

Or, just say no.

Sounds like the teacher has gone about this poorly.

Turniptwirl Fri 27-Sep-13 11:45:20

To ask about a specific situation is reasonable. But the way this teacher went about it is awful! Not at the school gates, not telling you "well everyone else has agreed"

There are some people who might allow this type of thing, and others who wouldn't. It depends on why they have refused to allow photos etc of their child. But it can involve child protection issues in done cases, so the school should be more sensitive in how they approach it

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 27-Sep-13 11:50:44

I know in DS' old school the policy was that you were allowed to take photos, videos etc for personal use but not to upload them to facebook.

There was a PTA video made of the nativity play which was available online behind a password-protected wall. I think this is a fair compromise - putting something straight on the web is very different.

DumSpiroSpero Fri 27-Sep-13 11:57:39


I deal with the website, FB page and publicity materials for the large nursery I work at.

When I'm sifting through the ones I want to use I check the files and if permission hasn't been granted I wouldn't dream of approaching those parents.

The ones who have consented get a form to fill in with the photo to be used attach to give specific consent for that particular b photo to be used within a stated context.

If you don't want your child's photo used, tell her and if she pushes I wouldn't hesitate to take it further.

MmmmWhiteWine Fri 27-Sep-13 12:24:48

Would you have been annoyed if your son had been excluded from the activity due to your privacy preferences? We had this issue at our school when someone's child was excluded from a class photo which was to be used for a fundraising calendar. The mum was really annoyed that her child had been "left out" but didn't seem to understand that you can't have it all ways.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 27-Sep-13 13:12:23

There was no need to exclude the child from the activity. (And what is more important, participating in a lesson, in school time, or having film of that activity published?).

If it had been planned better, only certain groups or sections of the activity could have been filmed, or better, all filmed but only the segments with children with prior consent published (then the film of all could still have been shown back to the children in class).

The teacher failed to plan properly and is now trying to guilt the OP into covering for her mistake.

DustBunnyFarmer Fri 27-Sep-13 13:17:58

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses so far. The family issue I alluded to is moot now, as the person concerned died, but the realisation that - once out there - you have no control over the images has stayed with me & also how difficult it is to maintain your privacy in this day & age. The problem with being shanghaied this morning is that equivocated & said I'd have to discuss it with my DH this evening. Personally, once my kids get to the point when they can meaningfully consent about having their image out there (with an understanding of any risks), I'll happily step aside, but at the moment my primary job is to keep them safe and protect their interests.

Also, it annoyed me because the school have absolutely no idea why a person has ticked the box - they could have fled domestic violence, have someone in their family who they are keeping their child away from because that person is a risk but not on the authorities' radar. There wasn't anyone else around when she asked me, but the pressure was still implied by me being the only one & I feel like we made our views clear at the outset. It's a matter of principle for me.

I'll be back later - need to get back to work.

DustBunnyFarmer Fri 27-Sep-13 13:24:51

Incidentally, I'm not part of the tinfoil hat brigade, but there are already companies working on face recognition software that will be able to link images across the web in future, at which point bits of your life that you consider to be separate will be linked up. That has the potential to be far more intrusive. I think a lot of people are quite naive about the way they splash their private lives all over the web.

geekgal Fri 27-Sep-13 13:28:44

Good on you DustBunny, I feel similarly, although I probably would allow something that was password protected. I feel like it's part of my duty of care now that we're in the cyber age! Kids should be able to control their online activities same as adults when they're old enough, before then it seems unfair to take that decision out of their hands.

We don't want our children's school being made public due to dh's job, plus we have an unusual surname. We have agreed to photos but their surname must not be attached to it in any way - we have said can use initial or pseudonym. Agree people are naive about info on the web.

StuntGirl Fri 27-Sep-13 13:54:48

YANBU at all she should not have asked.

I would speak to the head about it, not all guns blazing, but just to ask them to respect the choices you've made. If in future this teacher wants to do a similar video she will have to check which of her students have permission, and ensure she films only those.

nennypops Fri 27-Sep-13 13:55:06

I can't really see the harm in asking; you only need to say no.

TrueStory Fri 27-Sep-13 13:57:16

i think ok to ask again - but saying" its just you" is a kond of pressure. just decline again

carabos Fri 27-Sep-13 13:58:07

Agree with others who have said that the solution to this was to make sure that the no photos children weren't videoed in the first place. Having not thought that through properly, the teacher should be kicking herself, not trying to retrospectively get parents to change their minds.

It is important that you hold your ground, because if you don't then it's the thin end of the wedge and next time, same thing will happen on the grounds that well it was ok last time...

mummytime Fri 27-Sep-13 14:19:12

I think it was fine to ask.

I did the same in Infants because I wasn't willing to sign the form with the wording used. I did get a Mum from the PTA who was shocked when I told her that no I stood by my decision and didn't want my DDs photo in the school cook book.

phantomnamechanger Fri 27-Sep-13 14:33:28

I do agree that the teacher went about this in the wrong way, and should take no for an answer. Personally unless there were concerns for the child's safety, then a video in which their individual face is not linked to their name, i dont see as an issue. I also think it is NOT POSSIBLE to completely prevent the odd thing getting through the net - you may be in a crowd scene on the TV news or in the paper, without even knowing, for example. So its a good thing they did ask.

OP, what about parties etc your child goes to? do you inform parents they must not show photos or clips from these around to people you do not know? not post them online anywhere?

what was your child's role in the play - was it something that will be played over and over again when he's a celeb/the PM?

comingalongnicely Fri 27-Sep-13 14:41:06

The teacher asked, you said no. End of.

As to those complaining about her asking at the school gates, would you be happier if the mum had been summoned to the classroom, staff room etc? Surely that would have put even more pressure on? I think the informal setting of the school gates emphasises that it wasn't a major deal.

ParsingFancy Fri 27-Sep-13 14:49:28

Facebook is already using face recognition software to for "Tag suggest", and is considering expanding that to suck in profile pics.

What it means is that if you have a pic of someone, you can upload it and there will be a good (and increasing) chance Facebook will tell you who they are.

There's another site you can upload to which searches the whole web, but I can't remember its name.

Similarly, if you know a name but don't know what the person looks like or where they are, the chance of finding them on Facebook is increasing. Because even if they're careful about the security of their own page, they may be named in someone else's Facebook pics. I haven't used "tag suggest" so don't know how it presents to users, but if someone accepts all the tag suggestions eventually this will mean naming passers-by in the street, never mind all the other children in the class photo.

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 27-Sep-13 16:54:41

I think teachers cant win whatever they do. Dont ask and parents kick off that little Johnny missed out or follow the parents wishes and still get moaned at (christmas play thread).

I see nothing wrong with the teacher asking, i ticked no on the form but they ask on odd occasions if i mind and i have said yes to a few. Form only has yes or no so very restrictive.

FreckledLeopard Fri 27-Sep-13 17:01:04

I suppose it's annoying for the teacher, and presumably the other parents who might like a video of their children performing, that your 'principles' are preventing this, for no reason other than a paranoia about privacy. Safeguarding issues I can understand, but given you've admitted there are no such issues, then I don't see why your children's privacy is so much more important than any other child's in that class, all of whose parents have presumably consented to a video.

I'm afraid I can't see the problem myself. Unless you dress your children in full-face veils everytime you leave the house, you have no control over anyone else taking a photo of them and using that image. Your children could be playing in a park, a stranger could take their photo and put it online and you have no say in the matter because you don't own the copyright. So why be so difficult when it's a school matter, who I assume are making a video that a lot of parents, grandparents etc would enjoy, but you are kicking up a fuss about?

MikeOxard Fri 27-Sep-13 17:07:32

OP you go on about them having no idea the reason for you saying no photos in the first place, so why can't you understand that some people might change their mind or be ok with a group video without names? Why is it such an affront that she asked? She's not a teacher not a bloody psychic. YAB arsey, if the answer is no, just say no ffs.

TeenAndTween Fri 27-Sep-13 17:10:14

I think the teacher WNBU to ask, and YWNBU to reject.

We have a no photos policy for our DDs, but have always told the teacher, that if it will cause complications for them then they are to ask us, and on a case by case basis we will review.

Mainly, the teacher was foolish not to have checked before videoing. It would often be possible during an activity to tactfully group the non-photo children together and then not film them (or edit them out).

Our school manages no photos with numerous children, eg. after nativity play, they send a few children back to class first, then the photographer takes the picture for the local paper.

Pachacuti Fri 27-Sep-13 17:10:48

I don't think it's unreasonable of her to ask -- partly because, as you yourself said, the school has absolutely no idea why a person has ticked the box and hence whether this is the sort of video that they would object to or something they'd be perfectly happy with in spite of ticking the "no photos" box. But it should be in a "just clarifying" way rather than any kind of attempt to guilt you into agreeing. And they should absolutely have filmed the video in the knowledge of who the "no photos" children were so that they could edit together a video that didn't include them.

RaspberryRuffle Fri 27-Sep-13 17:12:28

YANBU OP, and the teacher should have asked you before filming started so your child and any other (bit cynical as to whether you are the 'last one') could have been edited out.

I don't like the idea of pixelating a particular child's face, it draws attention to them.

You are not being difficult, you are protecting your children as you see fit and I would do the same.
There don't have to be any other reasons than that. As soon as your DC is in the video/school photos you can do nothing about other parents posting them online.

I think it would be good idea for schools to do an annual check of parents'/guardians' preferences for this, say in October (before Christmas play season) and if there is no reply keep the previous year's answer as the norm.

phantomnamechanger Fri 27-Sep-13 17:12:29

trouble is, OP would probably not be happy for her kids to be left out of such activities either, so ALL the kids have to miss out on these experiences, or have no photographic/video record of them, at least. Wont be long before there are no nativity plays or sports days any more because of the whole internet/ID thing!

WorrySighWorrySigh Fri 27-Sep-13 17:17:27

Completely badly organised by the teacher. Permission could have been sought up front and if not available then the activity should have been planned around those children who could not be published.

My DCs' primary school had a large number of children who were not allowed to be filmed/photographed. The Bursar used to look after the list, she was a genius in action. Children would be moved in and out of groups and never knew what had happened it was so subtly done!

Echocave Fri 27-Sep-13 17:17:58

Given the relatively small number of children to whom the privacy setting apply and the seriousness of the reasons behind it, I think the teacher's out of order.
I also totally agree that they should have thought about the issue of including children under privacy agreements before they made the video. The way the teacher pressurised you about it (its just you left etc) is also unacceptable.
This teacher needs reminding why people make these choices rather than seeing it as an obstacle to their perfect lesson etc. If you are asked this again in relation to this or any other project, I would speak to the head teacher.

SoupDragon Fri 27-Sep-13 17:18:16

I do not see the problem with her asking provided she doesn't harass you.

Out of interest, how would you feel if they provided each child with a DVD with the video on?

SoupDragon Fri 27-Sep-13 17:20:38

The teacher may have thought it worth checking as it may just have been clear images of your child that you objected to (as may have been the case with the other parents who said this video was OK). She may have thought you'd be OK with group shots where your child is not clearly identifiable.

DustBunnyFarmer Fri 27-Sep-13 17:36:43

Soupdragon - I would be more comfortable with this because all of the parents have a legitimate interest, rather than open to everyone with web access, but some donut would probably upload it to youtube so there's no difference really.

In response to what everyone has said about spoiling it for everyone else, first of all (setting aside legislative constraints) if you were the only smoker in an office of twenty smokers, do you think that one non-smoker should just suck it up to keep the smokers happy? Since when did seeing what our kids get up to in a normal school day ( note: not a play) a right?

DustBunnyFarmer Fri 27-Sep-13 17:39:43

That should have said "become a right"

pixiepotter Fri 27-Sep-13 17:39:54

Hopefully they can pixelate him out and then it won't spoil it for everyone else and next time they will just leave him out of the performance I guess
YABU, awkward and precious IMO.

lljkk Fri 27-Sep-13 17:51:14

Out of curiousity, genuine question, but do you take your kid out in public with a mask on? If they were in a crowd scene at a big public event would you be outraged to see their recognisable photo in the paper later or in the background on telly news coverage?

I just don't get this privacy thing about one's image.

DS was flag-bearer at a scout-swearing-in ceremony. I took loads of pictures of DS as proud parent but later I deleted many and the video because the girl being sworn in, her mother had clicked no image sharing on all the forms (I asked the leader if he thought there would be a problem & he asked me not to use them because he didn't want to be blamed since it was a formal scout event even if I was in effect, just a standing-around member of the public on the quayside). So I just deleted them rather than take a chance on where i might show them later. I couldn't possibly keep track of which video had to be treated in a super special private way. Still seemed like a shame.

WorrySighWorrySigh Fri 27-Sep-13 18:03:41

From what I understand of CP reasons for not publishing images is that photos/videos in school place individual children very accurately in a particular location. This can be a huge issue where a child is being adopted, fostered or where there is a risk of abduction.

Just being photographed out in the street may well be less of an issue as it is more anonymous.

I do remember there was a thread a little while ago where a poster was concerned about photographs being taken in a soft play centre which didnt allow photographs. The OP was concerned because of issues surrounding his son's adoption. He had chosen the particular soft play centre because it didnt allow photography.

Mojavewonderer Fri 27-Sep-13 18:09:57

She asked and you said no so what's the problem?
Have you never heard of 'If you don't ask, you don't get'.

NicknameIncomplete Fri 27-Sep-13 18:12:59

This happened to me last year.

I had requested no photos of my dd. One day the head phoned me up and said that the school had made a film about something and the local news were interested in it. She said that she didnt know what piece of clip the news were going to show but it may contain images of my dd. She asked for my permission to show it.

I gave my permission because the problems we have are not local. The news didnt show the film in the end.

I didnt see a problem with the head teacher asking because it was the first and only time that she has asked in five years of my dd being at the school. So i didnt see it as her disrespecting my wishes.

TiredDog Fri 27-Sep-13 18:13:31

I think you have every right to refuse. And should not be badgered. In my workplace adults have to sign a disclaimer if a photograph of them is likely to be published.

It's ironic that every single event at school is prefaced by the headmistress telling us we cannot use images on Facebook etc and then plastering her own images of our kids where she sees fit!

I was looking at Twitter the other day and found a governor had used a picture from an event on Twitter advertising his connection with the 'school' yet parents are categorically and specifically told they cannot. Nuts

Tabby1963 Fri 27-Sep-13 18:17:32

It is very clear. If you have signed the form saying "no" to photos etc of your child being published, then that has to be respected.

We have a list of children at our school who are not to be photographed. All staff know who they are and are very careful to leave them out of photos.

Whilst it is unfortunate that the film cannot be put on the school website, there is nothing to stop the school having a special screening for parents. Don't forget, it is only recently that we have had a choice about actually having school websites at all.

Wabbitty Fri 27-Sep-13 18:41:20

I am surprised at how many people have said that the child should not have been involved in the filming at all. That is discrimination against the child. Yes I agree the film should not be shown or the child pixelated out but to not allow the children to join in at all..... as I said that would be discrimination.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 27-Sep-13 18:50:43

Asking a question when you already have the answer is pressure.

The teacher only wanted to ask the question because she knew the answer already given in advance was no and she decided that was not good enough.

SoupDragon Fri 27-Sep-13 19:02:02

No, she asked because the original question was very black and white for simplicity. Asking for clarification over a specific example is not pressure provided the answer is accepted.

UniS Fri 27-Sep-13 19:07:43

FWIW I think asking you was Ok. People do change their mind / change of circumstances etc.
In Year R I said no photos , I was asked again in Year 1 and had changed my mind, so the answer then was no names with photos.

Yanbu. I would have refused too. You don't need an excuse. Plastering anything on the net is not compulsory.

duchessandscruffy Fri 27-Sep-13 19:34:46

I don't really understand the problem with the teacher asking as a one off, unless they were really pressuring you. We have had parents at my school who have ticked 'no' on the photos letter, but then when we have sent out individual consent forms (which we still do when it is a photo that may appear in the local press so that things are Crystal clear for the parents), the same parents give consent for that particular circumstance.

As a teacher, photography is a bloody minefield!

teacherandguideleader Fri 27-Sep-13 20:32:56

I think it is ok to ask. If it were me I would have asked via email, as I would prefer to be asked things on a sensitive matter that way (time to formulate a response). I wouldn't ask why though, or try to pressure someone to change their mind.

Ideally, she should have sent a letter out before making the video to ask everyone (just as someone might change their mind from a no to a yes, they might go from yes to no). However, some of the best videos I have got from school / Guides are the unplanned, whip out the camera when something happened style.

treas Sat 28-Sep-13 13:35:24

She said there had been a few other parents who'd signed a 'no photos' clause like us that she'd had to speak to, but I was the only one left

I read this as the OP was not the only person being asked but was the last one the teacher needed to speak to.

There was no mention by the teacher of the other parents positive or negative response.

That said I did not hear the tone of voice used with this statement.

jamdonut Sat 28-Sep-13 14:18:49

A year group at our school went to an event this week which was of interest to the local newspaper,and a photographer turned up for the photo opportunities.

Cue frantic call to school office to double-check which children were allowed to be photographed!

Of course it is your right to say no pictures.Especially if there are child protection issues. But I think the teacher was not wrong to ask,there was no harm in that.

I think it is a shame that some children get left out, because most people like to see their kids in the paper,or on the school website. I have always said it is ok for my kids to be photo'd, and they are often in the local paper for one thing or another.It makes me feel proud. But I do understand that for some people it is for safety reasons.

I would agree that sometimes these videos/pictures at school capture spontaneous moments,and are worth sharing.

The issue with parents etc filming things like school plays, is that there is absolutely no control where those images will end up. At least school will make every effort to keep the pictures /film under their control. And before someone says it: yes I know the problems with the internet.

TeenAndTween Sat 28-Sep-13 21:11:11

Yes, it is a shame that some children get left out of some things due to no photos.
There have been a few things over the years that my DDs have been unable to participate in due to this. But the potential upset that could be caused by the 'wrong' people seeing their pictures in the context of a known location is far worse than the disappointment of not being able to do the activity. So we live with it.
Our school is excellent and manages to help children not allowed in photos not be excluded. On one occasion my DD was given the role of showing VIPs around, which avoided her being near TV cameras.

ravenAK Sat 28-Sep-13 21:26:27

I think the teacher was OK to ask - so long as she didn't make you feel uncomfortable when you said no.

Some parents don't quite think these things through. I had a lass in my tutor group some years ago who was absolutely not to be photographed, because her parents thought that a passing pervert might be able to abduct her if he knew her name from a labelled photograph & tracked her down near school.

I wouldn't normally know, or need to know, the parents' reason for refusal, but the dad rang to shout at me after one of my colleagues fucked up & allowed her to be identified in a school sporting team photo in the local paper.

I did suggest that allowing her to travel to & from school in a hoody emblazoned on the back with 'Jenny "Baby Jen" Smith' might be risky for similar reasons, but dad was having none of it.

So whilst I think you are perfectly within your rights to refuse, & the teacher has no business pestering you now you've had the conversation - if she does you can definitely complain; I don't think she WBU to make a polite approach to check that this video wouldn't be OK.

TidyDancer Sat 28-Sep-13 21:32:50

There's no problem I can see with the teacher asking. You still feel it's a no for you. That's where it ends for me. Teacher not wrong for asking, you not wrong for saying no.

OldRoan Sat 28-Sep-13 21:45:24

I didn't get the 'no-photo' list until a few weeks into term (although I hadn't been taking whole class photos anyway just in a case). I had, however, done some group work where each group had a set of photos of some role play which they were going to annotate.

I got the list that evening, and deleted the child's group's photos. Everyone else was then given a random picture so his group didn't feel left out. Maybe that was me overreacting, maybe I could/should have checked with his mum, but I didn't. Perhaps this teacher planned the activity before realising how many children shouldn't have been included in the film and thought since it was done anyway she could check on the off chance.

If I were her and I had known in advance, the no-photo children would have done their own group video with a TA - they can feel included, but not put on website..

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