To not want my dd to dress as a boy?

(102 Posts)
Hithere123 Thu 26-Sep-13 18:54:17

Don't know if I'm being mean or not. This is a long standing problem with dd (5) wanting to dress as a boy. She has older brothers and baby brother. She loves her babies and barbies but that's as girly as she gets. Her favourite outfit is trackies and trainers. I don't see a problem with this at all and within reason I let her wear what makes her happy unless we are going to a party and she needs a nice dress and she does without much fuss. Her friend is having a fancy dress party and she wants to go as...Ron weasley. She had the gryffindor cloak this after a trip to Harry potter. My thoughts were to buy the a tesco school skirt and she could be ginny (she chose the ginny want there too) but she insists she wants to be Ron. Should I buy her grey school trousers (I really don't want to) and leave her be or insist she goes as a girl.

Bowlersarm Thu 26-Sep-13 18:56:09

Leave her be. She'll probably grow out of it in due course (I did!)

ophiotaurus Thu 26-Sep-13 18:56:22

Why don't you want her to go as a male character of that's what she wants to do? I don't see the issue!

Euphemia Thu 26-Sep-13 18:57:12

There's no dressing as boys or dressing as girls - there are just children. Let her develop her own personality, for goodness' sake.

And yes I would say the same if your DS wanted to go as Hermione!

YABU.

hermioneweasley Thu 26-Sep-13 18:57:19

Yabvvvvvvu

Wearing track suit bottoms and trainers isn't dressing like a boy, it's dressing fur comfort. Little girls should be able to run, jump, climb every but as much as boys

And she's going as a fictional character to a fancy dress party. Wifi cares about the bloody gender?

My DD(6) doesn't own a skirt although she owns a very elaborate dress for parties that she designed her self and we made for her. She is most comfortable like that and she can be herself. When she is herself she is happy and relaxed.

I don't see any issue with a girl wanting to dress as Ron Weasley for a fancy dress party. smile

YABU

hermioneweasley Thu 26-Sep-13 18:58:16

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

HavantGuard Thu 26-Sep-13 18:59:25

She's 5. There is not 'a long standing problem.' You have a problem with it. She's fine. Buy her the trousers and stop making such a fuss about a non issue.

pomdereplay Thu 26-Sep-13 19:00:06

FGS. Let her go as Ron. How unkind of you to want to stifle a perfectly harmless and sweet facet of her developing personality. YABVVVVVVVU.

squoosh Thu 26-Sep-13 19:00:41

YABU

She may not be as 'girlie' as you'd like her to be but it doesn't make her any less of a girl. Don't turn this into an issue between the two of you.

In a year's time she may become obsessed with sparkles, or she may not, but you can't direct her taste.

BendyBusBuggy Thu 26-Sep-13 19:00:56

I always dressed like a boy, had short hair etc. i never wanted to be a boy, just liked my "look" that way. My mum let me get on with it and when I was a teenager i grew mt hair long.

steeking Thu 26-Sep-13 19:02:09

Let her chose what to wear. Otherwise there's danger of it becoming a massive issue. It doesn't matter what she wears. They're just clothes.

spottygoat Thu 26-Sep-13 19:02:48

I don't see what the problem is. My dd is 6 and if she would rather have boys clothes im not gonna stop her. We went shopping and she chose a hat from the boys section rather than a pink one. Again we were shopping and all the coats in the girls part were pink and she didn't want a pink one so I asked if she would like to look in the boys section.

I think it's good that shes choosing what she wants rather than what she 'should' have.

MmeLindor Thu 26-Sep-13 19:03:07

Let her be.

Some girls aren't particularly 'girly'. Accept it and you will all be much happier.

I would also advise getting her some smart trousers and a plain top, so that she can go to a party without having to 'suffer' a dress.

DD has a pair of lovely silver jeans from Monsoon which look fab with sparkly blue hightops and a plain blue top. It doesn't have to be lumberjack shirts and jeans vs pink frilly skirts. There is a middle ground to be found

Hithere123 Thu 26-Sep-13 19:04:12

She actually wants to be a boy though...she has told me and says prayers that she will be one one day

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 26-Sep-13 19:05:09

Leave her be.

You have to accept them even when you are worried about/for them.

Make her feel good about herself.

Maybe she will. That's OK, isn't it? Not conventional, sure. But perfectly OK.

HahaHarrie Thu 26-Sep-13 19:08:15

Good on your daughter for knowing her own mind. Let her go with it. She sounds great - lucky you.

squoosh Thu 26-Sep-13 19:08:24

I can understand how you might find it upsetting that she tells you she wants to be a boy. Don't read too much into it though, she is only 5. She's surrounded by brothers who she loves and looks up to so it's no wonder she's being a boy as something to aspire to.

FloraFox Thu 26-Sep-13 19:09:14

Maybe she wants to be a boy because you are telling her that the clothes /things she likes are for boys?

BergholtStuttleyJohnson Thu 26-Sep-13 19:10:00

YABU! Your dd sounds great!

WilsonFrickett Thu 26-Sep-13 19:10:04

With kindness, if your dd really does want to be a boy then her life is going to be very difficult. So you need to keep the lines of communication open more, be even more supportive, be even more respectful of her choices.

That means really not getting into it if she wants to go to a party as Ron Weasley.

GatoradeMeBitch Thu 26-Sep-13 19:11:46

Let her go as Ron Weasley, she sounds really cool!

When she's been at school for a while she may want to fit in with her peers, or she may continue to bang her own drum. As long as she's happy just let her be herself!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 26-Sep-13 19:12:01

Flora

Yes.

I wanted to be a boy til I got to 13ish

I threatened to cut my boobs off once they came and cried when my period came at 10. I refused skirts, dresses and wanted trackies and jeans and hoodies.

I was the oldest with 3 brothers at the time.

Dont worry about it. I didn't hack them off. grin

pianodoodle Thu 26-Sep-13 19:13:19

She probably wants to be a boy because the things she likes she has been told are for boys.

She wishes she was one so she could have the stuff they have!

If she wasn't told what was specifically for boys or girls she probably wouldn't mind being a girl smile

I wanted to be a boy soooo badly when I was that age, right up until I was 10!

I cropped my hair, wore a boys uniform, shunned the 'girls' sports for football and rugby.

Then I hit puberty and started wearing more feminine clothes, make up and stuff. It's not a issue unless you make it one.

HavantGuard Thu 26-Sep-13 19:15:36

She has brothers. You are telling her she has to wear a skirt because she's a girl, which she doesn't want to do. Let her be. Maybe it's a phase, maybe it isn't. The one thing that's for certain is you showing disapproval and making an issue of it isn't going to have any positive impact on her.

Bakingtins Thu 26-Sep-13 19:15:40

Let her go as Ron. We're having a Harry Potter party, my DS (3) wants to be Hermione.
DH having more problem with the fact he wants " a yellow princess dress" for Christmas, but that's a whole other post....

Hithere123 Thu 26-Sep-13 19:15:58

I know your all right. I love her so much whatever she wants. I suppose it makes me a little sad that she's not like me!

Sparrowfarts Thu 26-Sep-13 19:17:47

My then microscopic 7 year-old DD went to school on World Book Day as Hagrid.

Let her be, she may grow out of it, she may not, but all you will achieve by turning it into a problem will be to create a barrier between you.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 26-Sep-13 19:17:57

Ah yes. I'm suffering a bit from that with my DS2. Thought he was Nothing like me, find him hard to understand at times. So I decided to Love Bomb him. It's working - total acceptance is the key

bishboschone Thu 26-Sep-13 19:18:46

My dd is exactly the same but is 9 . I allow her to be herself but would like her to wear better clothes as her preference is messy! She has long blonde hair and grows her nails so it's a strange contrast . I let her be who she wants to be as tough as it is.

heidihole Thu 26-Sep-13 19:19:22

yabu

she will go through fazes i'm sure

Parmarella Thu 26-Sep-13 19:22:20

One of my DS best friends is like this.

She is wonderful, at fancy dress parties where all girls come as princesses she came as Superman.

She is popular and liked by boys and girls as she is carbing out her own identity and her parents go with it.

She things the whole gender difference is bollox and does judo and cricket, it is just who she is, it's really nice that her very feminine mum just lets her get on with it.

Cherish your kids with all their idiosyncrasies!

Bowlersarm Thu 26-Sep-13 19:22:50

Yep I wanted to be a boy until I was about 13/14. Two older brothers, just wanted to be like them. Short hair, boyish clothes. Loved the odd occasions people actually mistook me for a boy.

But I did grow out of it (honest, despite my rather masculine user name).

The turning point didn't come until I started fancying boys, rather than wanting to be one.

I wear lots of skirts/pink clothes/high heels now-making up for lost time!

Guadalupe Thu 26-Sep-13 19:24:03

Well, if you keep telling her all the things she likes are for boys, then it's not really that surprising that she decides she'd rather be a boy. It's quite logical!

Just let her be. smile

spritesoright Thu 26-Sep-13 19:28:31

Children at that age tend to think that gender is malleable and they can change at some point. It's us who fix them with strict views that boys do certain things and girls do certain things and ne'r the twain should mix.
It's very common for girls to go through a tomboy phase and it's really not linked to future gender or sexuality if that's what you're worried about.
Please don't stifle her expression so young.

TheRobberBride Thu 26-Sep-13 19:28:42

OP honesty, she's 5! It should be a total non issue!

I can understand you feeling a bit sad that she's not much like you but you should be delighted she's developing such an interesting personality.

Leave her be.

Bakingtins Thu 26-Sep-13 19:29:09

Hithere123 I do sympathise. My DS has since he could talk either insisted he is a girl or said he wants to be one. I know he's only little but it is a very persistent theme. I let him have whatever "girls stuff" he wants, because I think denying him chance to express that wish is more likely to cause him a problem. If you can't be who you want when you are five/ three, when can you?

HavantGuard Thu 26-Sep-13 19:31:30

I agree completely with Jamie. Show her that you love her for who she is.

I think it's easy to get caught up with the idea that if you have a girl you will automatically have that idealised mother-daughter bond and shared interests. I have that with my mother now. As a child my interests were dirt, climbing and noise. Hers weren't grin.

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat Thu 26-Sep-13 19:33:00

My dd was like this for years OP, she's nine next year and the girlie ness is just beginning to creep in. She too would pray to be a boy, say she WAS a boy etc....she's now a very healthy mix of the two....and she was all very Buzz Lightyear/Spider-Man/etc when she was little, she HATED the Disney princess costumes. Actually I can totally get why, who wants to be a (basically ornamental) sappy princess when you can have fantastic adventures with special powers that have nothing to do with having to wear heels and lippy??!!

Let her be who she is, and eventually she'll become a balanced individual with a healthy respect for herself and the self confidence to express it in her own way...

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat Thu 26-Sep-13 19:34:09

Just to balance it out her brother adores dressing up in HER clothes, with hair bands and necklaces on and pushing her old pram around.... smile

MmeLindor Thu 26-Sep-13 19:34:40

It must be hard for you, being outnumbered by menfolk and now your dd want to be one too!

Don't worry about it.

She might grow out of it, she might not. Either way she needs your love and support because not everyone will accept her as she is.

She sounds like a lot of fun

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat Thu 26-Sep-13 19:34:54

He's 3 though, I'd worry a little if he were 12 (but only because of the ribbing he'd get at school!!)

Lj8893 Thu 26-Sep-13 19:36:02

I was a girlie baby/toddler, then went tomboyish at about 9.
Went back fairly girlie about 12, then really tomboy/grungy from about 14 to 17.

I am the girliest person I know now at 25. I live in dresses and don't even own a pair of jeans!

All it means is that people change constantly and espessially as children and teenagers we are experimenting, and trying to find who we are and what we really like.

littlewhitebag Thu 26-Sep-13 19:42:27

I wanted to be a seal when i was 5 hmm. I grew out of it eventually although i still like to swim under water and swish my tail

Your DD sounds delightful. Let her go a Ron. He is the coolest one anyway.

Hithere123 Thu 26-Sep-13 20:11:46

Just a quick thank you to everyone for stopping me in my witch mum tracks...she is great! Thanks x

Twattybollocks Thu 26-Sep-13 20:20:49

Like others have said, leave her to it. I have refused to wear a dress from the age of 4 until the present day (wedding dress excepted) and never even did dolls or barbies. My little pony was as girly as I got, and even then that was only because I liked horses. I'm quite normal now I assure you and have given my mother 3 beautiful grandchildren to coo over and spoil rotten.

PeriodFeatures Thu 26-Sep-13 20:55:39

DH was your DD aged 5......He started transitioning age 15, he's fine now, has finished all the surgeries and is now normal... grin

[biscuit}

HearMyRoar Thu 26-Sep-13 21:14:35

I wanted to be a boy when I was that age. When my mum asked me why I told her it was so I could wee standing up like my brothers grin

PeriodFeatures Thu 26-Sep-13 21:18:46

Sorry op. Ive just seen that you have already let mumsnet do it's work and eaten the biscuits etc...smile

I'm sure dd will be a fab ron weasley and it'll just be a phase...!

cory Thu 26-Sep-13 21:54:31

Hithere123 Thu 26-Sep-13 19:15:58
"I know your all right. I love her so much whatever she wants. I suppose it makes me a little sad that she's not like me!"

Are you my mother? grin

She always dreamed of a girlie little girl and completely managed to ignore the fact that I look like a pig in pink

I'm a jeans and muddy walking boots person, me.

Funnily enough, my own dd is very, very feminine, has done her own clothes shopping from an early age, knows instinctively what goes together and what she looks good in. But I rather enjoy having a daughter who is different from me: I find it makes life interesting.

My mother (who is a more insecure person anyway) is a little inclined to take my difference as a criticism of her way of life. I just don't see it that way.

bababababoom Thu 26-Sep-13 21:58:11

YAB TOTALLY U.

chocolatespiders Thu 26-Sep-13 22:02:20

This is my dd now 10 and I have never put pressure on her even when we have been to weddings etc as I dont want her to feel uncomfortable.
We shop in 'boys' sections of shops and she chooses what she would like smile

Wish she would wear something a little girlie but it isnt going to happen. School she wears boys trousers and shorts in the summer.

Idespair Thu 26-Sep-13 22:06:09

It's fine, just get the trousers. You can use them for school for her younger brother so will be useful anyway. You do not need dresses for parties. Jeans or leggings perfectly fine for a little girl to go to party in. Dresses are crap anyway, your dd has the right idea being practical and comfortable.

FixItUpChappie Thu 26-Sep-13 22:07:06

Just a quick thank you to everyone for stopping me in my witch mum tracks...she is great! Thanks x

Ahhhhh....this makes me so happy OP. I was in my head trying to come up with a stunning post to convince you to leave it be and enjoy who your DD is - I'm so glad you've already seen the light grin

....now...back to the thread about the gender divided party.....

BangOn Thu 26-Sep-13 22:09:07

so basically this entirely fake, social construction known as 'femininity' is of more importancr to you than your daughter's wishes. that's so sad.

BangOn Thu 26-Sep-13 22:12:30

oops! apologies op x

Turniptwirl Thu 26-Sep-13 22:14:16

FFS it's just clothes! Let her wear what she wants! Yabvvu

Turniptwirl Thu 26-Sep-13 22:15:24

Well done OP for seeing the light!

MrsMongoose Thu 26-Sep-13 22:17:59

Tbf, Ron is much cooler than Ginny.

workwhatwork Thu 26-Sep-13 22:19:37

Coming onto this late, but I agree, leave her be.

When I was 5 I used to wish and pray I'd be a cat. I grew out of it.

pamish Thu 26-Sep-13 22:22:21

Encouraging to read the overall MN consensus that this 5-y-old is not on the verge of transitioning and needing hormone treatment ASAP. There's a terrifying trend now (only in the US?) to diagnose any non-gender-conforming behaviour as GID and send off for treatment, instead of challenging the whole gender stereotype constraints. According to those conventions, I would have been sent off for reprogramming and would be a man by now, judging by the way I used to dress and behave. Thank goddess I was born before this new fashion.

IrisWildthyme Thu 26-Sep-13 22:22:28

Let her dress how she feels comfortable. She isn't dressing "as a boy" she is dressing as HERSELF and if that means trousers that's fine. There are loads of nice presentable non-dress smart clothes that can be worn on more formal occasions. Dressing as Ron Weasley is great and should be encouraged. If you make a big thing of not wanting to do this you'll drive her away from you but not actually change how she feels.

KittensoftPuppydog Thu 26-Sep-13 22:28:55

Good god! She's 5! I wanted to be a boy until I was at least 13. They seemed to have better fun. Until the hormones kicked in.

Jinsei Thu 26-Sep-13 22:34:25

OP, my dd is 8, and I don't think she has worn a skirt or dress for around 3 years. She doesn't even have any now. Trousers for school, leggings, shorts or trackie bottoms when she's at home, smart trousers for special occasions. We had to buy "boy's" trainers because we couldn't find any girl's trainers that were acceptable to her. Her favourite colour is blue, and she despises anything pink.

She is entirely happy in her own skin and plays happily with both girls and boys. Quite a few of her female friends seem to share the pink phobia. I think it's just a reaction to all of the stereotypes. No big deal.

Just let her be herself and enjoy. I'm sure she is delightful.

MmeLindor Thu 26-Sep-13 22:34:35

Aww, this thread makes me really chuffed to be a MNetter. I am glad that the responses helped you, Hithere.

fwiw, my DD is like me in some ways, but very very different in others. Its nice seeing a glimpse of me, but wonderful to see a bright, articulate and funny young woman from that little girl that she was.

comingintomyown Thu 26-Sep-13 22:46:10

DD a firm boy from 5-11 years old

eg only girl in boys football team, always in her older brother clothes, went as a boy to school Victorian day etc

I miss those days now we have constant hair stress, over plucked eyebrows and so on

Enjoy this time OP

5Foot5 Thu 26-Sep-13 23:01:22

Another on here who wanted to be a boy until I hit early teenage.

I think this was at least partly fuelled by my childish perception that girls were expected to wear pretty dresses and play with dolls ( yeuch boring!) while boys had more fun and had much more interesting toys. The more my mum tried to insist on me wearing "girls'" clothes and bought me the Tiny Tears doll rather than the Adventure Kit I craved the more this reinforced my view.

When I hit adolescence I had no doubts which gender I was and wanted to be, but by then I had also sorted out that being a girl didn't have to stop me doing the things I wanted to do.

Karoleann Fri 27-Sep-13 00:04:26

Ds2 favourite fancy dress costume at the moment is angel costume, complete with wings (glittery ones too).
He's year one.
He was eyeing up a mermaid costume at the Disney store the other day.....ds1 was trying to drag him away.
Dd's facourite outfit would be track suit bottoms, a peppa pig top, those hideous plastic shoes and a handbag.
They'll start caring soon what people think - let her wear what she wants until they do,

Monty27 Fri 27-Sep-13 00:10:29

Dd had lots of girlie clothes and wouldn't wear them. So then I started getting her non girlie clothes, so then she wouldn't wear them either.

she always picked her own clothes. So much stuff I got her with the labels still on went to chardee shops and friends.

She had a mind of her own. And she dresses so beautifully now she takes my breath away. (I love clothes).

Take that dd shopping for her own clothes and let her go with it. smile

Monty27 Fri 27-Sep-13 00:11:35

DD was 3/4 when this started grin

StuntGirl Fri 27-Sep-13 00:12:27

This reminds me of that American woman who blogged about her 5 year old son dressing as Daphne from Scooby Doo...the horrified responses he got were so sad.

Glad you've decided to let her be OP.

Monty27 Fri 27-Sep-13 00:17:15

She'll feel great wearing her own choices. Let her do it smile

pajamapants1 Fri 27-Sep-13 00:19:18

I wanted to be called "lee" at school, I was on the football team, hated dresses and loved climbing. It's what happens when some girls are around boys, they decide its much more fun. Pick your battles, its too early for you to play the controlling mother routine, let her enjoy been a child before she gets dragged into the hooped ear rings and non stop talk about boys phase! Enjoy having a little girl, they soon grow up xx

MistyB Fri 27-Sep-13 00:32:17

I haven't read the rest of the answers but DD aged 5 refused to wear dresses. A few times, I mentioned the word dress in regards to clothing. Then close to her 5th birthday, we were having a knights and princess party and I asked her what she wanted to dress up as (meaning it was open to include the many knight costumes we had!!!). She said, "Dresses, dresses, dresses, Mummy, what is with the dresses all the time??" (We don't live in an American sitcom!!) Sometime later, I gave most of her dresses inherited from a very dressy cousin to a friend. Within weeks, DD wanted to wear a 'party dress' and then also to lend her two friends dresses from her wardrobe (we had no dresses!!!!) She still struggles with her identity, the girls are too girlie and the boys are too boyie. Her perfect and beautiful half ways house is fabulous knee length boots with a flouncy flowery dress. I feel pain for her 'stuck between two stereo types' situation but admire her determination to be herself!!

FloraFox Fri 27-Sep-13 05:29:25

MistyB your DD sounds so fab. It's such a shame that she "struggles with her identity", she does sound perfect and beautiful. It shouldn't feel like a struggle to realise (at age 5) that gender "norms" are bullshit. Good for you for supporting her!

sashh Fri 27-Sep-13 07:43:05

She actually wants to be a boy though...she has told me and says prayers that she will be one one day

So did I.

I didn't really, it's just that boys in books and on TV got to do more interesting things. It's harder to climb a tree in a dress and I was forever being stopped from doing things my brother could because "he's wearing trousers, you might spoil your dress"

Ron is a far more interesting character than Ginnie - I mean what is she supposed to do? lie on the floor being enchanted? Giggle and run up stairs whenever she sees a Harry?

mewmeow Fri 27-Sep-13 19:45:10

Yabvu. Why shouldn't she be Ron? I personally don't see the issue.

Rachel778 Fri 27-Sep-13 20:22:29

SparkleSoiree that's lovely ..

TokenGirl1 Fri 27-Sep-13 20:38:02

I wanted to be a boy when I grew up and actually believed I would become one. My mum refused to let me wear trousers and forced me to wear dresses. Consequently, as I became a teenager and in my 20's I did everything possible to be boyish, took up football primarily to annoy her!

My sil was allowed to dress like a boy as a young child by her mother and by the time she was 13 she was the girliest person going.

DumSpiroSpero Fri 27-Sep-13 23:07:48

My fancy dress of choice when I was a kid in the Eighties was Jimmy Krankie - with the full support of my DMum!

Let her be - Ron is by far the coolest character anyway smile .

sooperdooper Sat 28-Sep-13 00:08:32

There's nothing wrong with how she wants to dress, or the fancy dress she wants to do.

I can't fathom why so many people get upset about wanting girls in pink frilly dresses - I live in jeans and tshirts, and last fancy dress I went as Beatlejuice! Leave her be, it's fine and hurts noone

MyBaby1day Sat 28-Sep-13 02:08:34

YANBU, tell her she's a girl and should wear a dress!.

Thing is, since she was born your DD has been receiving these two powerful messages (from all around, not just or not necessarily from you):

It matters whether or not you are a girl or a boy.

Boys are better than girls.

The only reason people insist on marking the 'difference' between male and female is because one is superior to the other. Otherwise no one would care.

Please do let your DD do what she wants.

Lilacroses Sat 28-Sep-13 08:25:45

Are you being serious Mybaby?

Yabu op. Let her go as Ron.

changeforthebetter Sat 28-Sep-13 08:32:53

DD refused to wear a naice dress for a big family party. She chose boyish coloured leggings and a t-shirt (brand new, decent quality). So what? Your dd has decades ahead of her when she will be expected to conform to societal norms and she may well crumple under that (yes, the boss who told me I "wore my ambition on my sleeve", I mean you!)

FGS! Maybe she will always be a "tomboy" (boak) but your acceptance of her as she is is vastly more important than any perceived "norm". She sounds ace; celebrate who she actually is. brew

ViviDeBeauvoir Sat 28-Sep-13 08:33:01

Just let her be herself.
She's 5 years old and has plenty of time for pressures about conforming when she's older without her parents forcing her to comply with a social construction like gender.
Both my eldest DC (a girl and a boy) like to experiment with dressing up and I let them get on with it. DS1 likes to wear his sister's jewellery and have his toes painted in 'sparkles' it's all just fun experimentation.
I really wanted to be a boy when I was a child (probably because they got to do all the best stuff in those days, like be in the school football team) but surprise, surprise, I'm just your average mid 30s woman now.

kim147 Sat 28-Sep-13 08:35:42

It's much easier for a girl in our society to wear "boy clothes" and do "boy things" than vice versa.

Just let her wear what she wants. Society won't give her any hassle at that age.

topicofaffairs Sat 28-Sep-13 08:37:36

yAbu, there's no reason she has to wear a dress, lots of smart party trousers, shorts and tops for girls.

MostlyArbitrary Sat 28-Sep-13 09:15:24

YABU, what your daughter likes and dislikes isn't up for you to decide. Other posters are probably right about the 'wanting to be a boy' thing as well, it comes from a poor understanding of how sex and gender work at that age.

I'm a little disappointed in the tone of some of the 'my daughter was very boyish, I let her continue and she grew out of it' posts that seem to imply that you should let her go through this 'phase'. As if being a tom-boy is in any way bad.

Gender norms are a bunch of old rubbish. Let your daughter wear what she likes and dress up as her favourite characters. If she 'grows out of it' and ends being more 'girly' fine, if not, also good!

TL;DR Let her be herself, regardless of whether she 'grows out of it'.

TheBigJessie Sat 28-Sep-13 10:00:28

pamish Yes, I've noticed that although we still don't have proper acceptance for people who are transgender, some prejudiced people are using the existence of transgenderism to shore up their beliefs that gender roles are innate.

Little boy playing with a baby doll? Tell the parents he's really a girl! Aargh!

MadameJosephine Sat 28-Sep-13 10:26:16

I think your daughter sounds fabulous, she sounds like she knows her own mind and is not at all bothered about how she 'should' dress or behave purely based on her gender. I'm hoping for one like that myself. I think I might actually struggle if mine ends up a girly girl as that's my total opposite but as long as she's doing it because that's what she likes and not because it's been foisted upon her then so be it

SubliminalMassaging Sat 28-Sep-13 10:32:30

Let her do as she wants. If she really does want to be a boy then you can't escape it by forcing her into a pink dress you know, and if it makes her unhappy she'll just keep thwarting you by ripping them or deliberately looking as awful possible. Find nice funky trousers, shorts, dungarees etc., that are made for girls but not obviously pink and girly.

My son went through a phase of dressing up as all sorts of book and film characters, some of them girls. It didn't last. He has no plans for a sex change as far as I am aware. grin

extracrunchy Sat 28-Sep-13 10:34:56

Why does it matter?!? It's fancy dress. And even if it was an everyday preference, she'll probably grow out of it.

More importantly, even if she didn't, it wouldn't matter!! Good for her for wanting to be who she wants to be and not who all her mates are.

FriendlyLadybird Sat 28-Sep-13 11:38:58

The glory of fancy dress is that you get to be someone you're not. Of course she should go as Ron. I'm still longing for another opportunity to wear my Indiana Jones outfit.

DiseasesOfTheSheep Sat 28-Sep-13 13:55:33

Who in their right mind would want to go as Ginny when they could go as Ron?! Mental.

DiseasesOfTheSheep Sat 28-Sep-13 13:59:01

FWIW, my mother used to try to make me wear dresses to parties. I refused as "my tail would show" hmm (apparently I was part tiger...) and have remained a tomboy all my life - still dress like one really. I can't say it's been a big hinderance to my lifestlye!

Thants Sat 28-Sep-13 14:47:18

Yabvu

Dillytante Sat 28-Sep-13 15:00:35

My DD1(6yro) has wanted to be a boy for a long time. What makes me feel sad is that she doesn't feel that she can do what she wants and be a girl. She wants to wear 'boy pants' which is fine, but I try and explain she doesn't have to be a boy to wear boy pants etc as she is a girl and still wears that stuff. I just regularly try and explain there is nothing boys can do that girls can't (grow beards and wee standing up are the exceptions she rightly mentions). The message is slowly sinking in. I don't think she really wants to be a boy, I think she just wants the freedom to do/wear 'masculine' things, which I try to let he do as much as possible.

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