Kissing goodbye at school

(66 Posts)
OneToThree Thu 26-Sep-13 10:22:39

AIBU to think it's not on to make your child give you a kiss goodbye before going into school when they clearly don't want to?

My ds 6 doesn't want to and I wouldn't dream of making him.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Thu 26-Sep-13 10:26:27

Call SS

tywysogesgymraeg Thu 26-Sep-13 10:26:58

If it embarrassed them, I absolutely would! That's the job of a parent isn't it? Embarrassing your children that is
grin

Bowlersarm Thu 26-Sep-13 10:27:44

Depends on the age to a certain extent, but I don't actually think it's a problem.

Yorkieaddict Thu 26-Sep-13 10:28:03

YANBU, but I will be gutted when DS decides he doesn't want me to kiss him goodbye at school. He is 6, and thankfully quite happy so far!

YoureBeingADick Thu 26-Sep-13 10:29:29

Yabu! Thats the most fun i have until pick up time. He loves the headlock kisses really wink

mrsmindcontrol Thu 26-Sep-13 10:30:38

Did you see me forcing my DS1 aged 7 to kiss me this morning while he screamed GET OFF ME!!! at the top of his voice?
He loves it really *

* he doesn't. But I think it's funny.

DaleyBump Thu 26-Sep-13 10:32:11

biscuit

OneToThree Thu 26-Sep-13 10:32:33

The boy was 10 and his dad called him back to kiss him. He so didn't want to.

My dad used to regularly embarrass me and i will try not to do it to my kids.

The call SS comment was a bit silly.

phantomhairpuller Thu 26-Sep-13 10:34:57

And it's your business why?!

OneToThree Thu 26-Sep-13 10:35:03

Thanks for my first biscuit.

I just think its hard enough at school to make friends and fit in. Why would you want to do that to your child when all their class can see.

Not a major problem in the scheme of things I suppose.

OneToThree Thu 26-Sep-13 10:36:22

Not my business and would never say anything but I don't go around with my eyes shut.

IneedAyoniNickname Thu 26-Sep-13 10:36:29

My 9 year old year 4 ds would hate it if I didn't kiss him. Most of his peers would hate it!
I'd stop if he didn't like it but I'm glad he does smile

thesnowmanrocks Thu 26-Sep-13 10:36:46

smile it's the law, kiss goodbye at school gates. My ds5 still loves it, and as i do and always will he will always be getting a kiss goodbye from me. No matter if he wants it or not. smile

Sparklysilversequins Thu 26-Sep-13 10:36:58

Me and dd say goodbye like we are in a rom com, huge hugs and loads of kisses. I will be gutted when she stops wanting to. I wouldn't force her to, no but I think that when they're grown up kids will remember the love and kisses themselves not that they were embarrassed by them.

YoureBeingADick Thu 26-Sep-13 10:37:20

Yeah my dad did it too- its a rite of passage- happens to us all- its really NOT a big deal. My sons knows its a bit of fun. We do fun in this house. Give it a whirl. You might like it. wink

I think not making a child do anything with their body that they don't want to is a very important lesson. As such, I don't make DS kiss or be kissed by anyone if he doesn't want it.

Tailtwister Thu 26-Sep-13 10:40:37

Personally I wouldn't force them if they didn't want to. DS1 is fine with a hug and a kiss atm, but he's only 5. As he gets older I suspect he'll change.

Tailtwister Thu 26-Sep-13 10:41:22

I agree TravelinColour.

mrsfuzzy Thu 26-Sep-13 10:46:41

my 12 y ds and i like to lark about, before he goes out the door to school we do very theatrical air kisses along with 'see you later darrllling!!" silly,but fun! but i do agree with travelincolour, it's got to be acceptable to both parties.

OneToThree Thu 26-Sep-13 10:47:24

I don't make mine kiss their grandparents goodbye either. I always ask them if they want to.

They do if they do, don't if they don't. No issue with either.

I kiss and cuddle my dcs all the time but only when they want me to.

Nancy66 Thu 26-Sep-13 10:48:42

I'm not even allowed to wave at my son any more. That's embarrassing as well apparently.

Tee2072 Thu 26-Sep-13 10:49:46

Nothing more important than teaching a child that their body is their own.

YANBU

Dobbiesmum Thu 26-Sep-13 10:54:01

Agree with Tee and Travellin. DS stopped kissing me goodbye ages ago, he now pats me on the head and calls me 'little mum' when his friends call for him in the morning. He's 12 and taller than me My revenge will be sweet...

PeppermintPasty Thu 26-Sep-13 10:59:53

My ds is six, and I am lucky (to go by what other mothers of 6 yo boys tell me) in that he really is the most cuddly boy, always has been.

In the last year or so, he has been less keen to hold my hand when we're out and I would never force him, nor would I kiss him by force at this age I probably will later ie at 14 when it's super-embarrassing.

What I tend to do when no one else is about is say to him, in a conspiratiorial fashion, "let's hold hands while nobody's looking!". He falls for it loves it and I get my craved contact, needy mother that I am.

sonlypuppyfat Thu 26-Sep-13 11:00:03

My DS is 14 and kisses me and tells me he loves me even over the phone when he's with his mates.

PeppermintPasty Thu 26-Sep-13 11:00:41

spelling fail

PeppermintPasty Thu 26-Sep-13 11:01:15

-my own I meant!

onadietcokebreak Thu 26-Sep-13 11:04:07

What TEE said.

This is an interesting article although not the one I was searching for.

edition.cnn.com/2012/06/20/living/give-grandma-hug-child/index.html

mrsbingle Thu 26-Sep-13 11:15:08

Hell yes. I smother my son in kisses. He gets the giggles.

OneToThree Thu 26-Sep-13 11:23:05

Good article onadietcoke

Lweji Thu 26-Sep-13 11:26:50

It's our job as parents to be embarrassing.

If he doesn't want a kiss, at least some form of physical contact is mandatory.

notanyanymore Thu 26-Sep-13 11:28:26

Ha! I called 'see you later snugglebum' across the playground to DD the other day, LOVED IT!!

ExcuseTypos Thu 26-Sep-13 11:29:08

YANBU. If someone doesn't want to kiss you, then you should respect that.

I have DDs at uni and we still kiss and hug when saying hello and goodbye. However, having a nephew who positively winces if any adult looks likely to kiss him, I know to stay well away. A threat of a kiss is a very good way to make him behavewink

I agree- the freedom to kiss or not is important to me!

Sianilaa Thu 26-Sep-13 11:30:48

Both my boys would be very upset if I didn't kiss them goodbye every morning. But then, they are only Reception and Yr1 age so plenty of time for that to change.

Though I plan on doing it forever :D

I normally do kiss DS (nearly 9) goodbye each morning but today he was standing with a boy who is a ultra competitive little brat and you could see DS was squirming bless him - he did the eyebrow raise when I went in for a kiss so just gave him a little squeeze. The relief was palpable by the look on his face.

edam Thu 26-Sep-13 11:31:49

My ds is 10 and still happy for me to kiss him in public. Thankfully. I keep thinking he'l get embarrassed and make me stop sometime soon but so far he's OK.

You kissing them is different from making them kiss you.

onadietcokebreak Thu 26-Sep-13 11:33:07

I now refuse to make my children kiss or hug anyone. Shame my mother just doesn't get it.

SugarHut Thu 26-Sep-13 11:36:00

DS is 5. And majorly influenced by DP's 16yr old DS. DS is therefore 5, and in his own eyes James Dean cool.

Nothing gives me greater pleasure than hearing the school bell, seeing him glance up with the look of crap, where is she?.... and watch him try and sneak in to the school unobserved.

I ALWAYS observe grin In swoops moi, usually alarmingly fast from behind. Me: "Bye bye darling!!!!" (bear hug from behind) DS: "Mum. Get OFF." (through gritted teeth, cross face) Me: "Of course Mummy will give you a kiss!!" (loud enough for the whole playground to hear, clamp DS between knees and headlock) DS: "Mum, Getttttoofffffffffff!!!!!" (trying to look cool, now laughing like a chimp) Me: "Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!" (Miss Piggy style, all over DS face)

Then without fail whisper in his ear "Always remember...." and he replies (rolling eyes) "Mummy loves you" I do this every time I leave him.

DS is then released. He pretends he hates it wink Actually, I see his little buds watching his face as he creases up during the Miss Piggy onslaught, and they are half laughing, half wishing they could join in with their mummys.

Jellybeanz1 Thu 26-Sep-13 11:39:46

Awwh Sugar do you leave Chanel lippy on his cheek? smile

SugarHut Thu 26-Sep-13 11:43:52

I wish...it's the school run...I'm more likely to leave him with a questionable looking brown smear across his face because I've driven there munching nutella on toast grin

OneToThree Thu 26-Sep-13 11:48:38

I still think its quite selfish to do it when the child doesn't want it.

My ds was happy for me to kiss him goodbye in reception but not after that.
I always say bye, love you, have a nice day. He's fine with that and if he is then I am too.

cocoplops Thu 26-Sep-13 11:51:28

Luckily mine still do at 5 and 8. I wouldn't if they don't want it. My MIL dropped my 5yo off and she was miffed that he wouldn't kiss her on the lips, only the cheek! hmm

SunshineMMum Thu 26-Sep-13 12:06:17

YANBU, They shouldn't 'have' to. Sometimes I am very grateful for my huggy, autistic son. Mind you I had to tell him not to hold my hand now he is at secondary sad.

QueenofallIsee Thu 26-Sep-13 14:15:53

My 8 yr olds don't and my 15 yr old is getting to what I call the 'luvvie' stage i.e. she has gone full circle since being little and now hugs and kisses on cheek as a greeting to anyone and everyone

Littlest boy (6) will whisper - quick kiss Mum now, after checking no one is watching.

lisylisylou Fri 27-Sep-13 07:13:05

At end of school yesterday in the playground I let out a little scream yesterday! My kids come running out and up so fast that I thought dd (7) was going to headbutt me in the stomach! She's like a little battering ram lol. Then my ds (9) comes out running up, he hugs me and then lifts his feet off the floor so he's dangling like a chimpanzee. Then the coats and bags get flung at me and they run back off into the playground to play tig!! The parents just stare and laugh now!!

womma Fri 27-Sep-13 21:34:59

I make sure DD goes into class with a big lipstick kiss on her cheek every day. It's my motherly duty.

grabaspoon Fri 27-Sep-13 21:38:05

Sometimes my charge 5.11 wants hugs, kisses the whole shebang grin other times he does a little wave and skips off without any interaction sad Why do they grow up sad

Jinty64 Fri 27-Sep-13 21:56:46

Dh took ds2's (16) hand to cross the road recently. To make it worse they were right outside the school gates. Ds will only take a lift to school from me now!

WorraLiberty Fri 27-Sep-13 21:59:51

When my DS was in year 2 I was standing gossiping chatting to another Mum.

All of a sudden I noticed the line was going in, and I panicked and kissed the wrong child! grin

They're in year 6 now and the poor boy still avoids me, with a look of terror in his eyes grin

Emilyeggs Fri 27-Sep-13 22:02:13

i kiss and cuddle my dc all the time, but only if they want me to

How about when you want to op?

DramaAlpaca Fri 27-Sep-13 22:04:37

My 13 year old nephew totally forgot himself & gave his mum a kiss goodbye outside school last week, in front of his friends. He was mortified, she was secretly thrilled. grin

fieldfare Fri 27-Sep-13 22:08:25

My dd is 11 and is still a cuddly and kissy girl. I love it. On the odd occasion when she's got the hump over something, I call out to her that I love her. When she ignores me I get louder and louder "but dd, I REALLY love you, I'm going to miss you all day long!" she then walks off trying not to smile and failing. I know I've cheered her up by being daft and I don't care how many people know that I love her.
Even her friends greet me with a hug, especially if they're a but glum about something.

WorraLiberty Fri 27-Sep-13 22:08:28

Drama, when my DS1 was about 13 he was going on a residential trip with the school.

He gave me a kiss and a cuddle as he got on the coach and his mates started taking the piss.

He turned to them and said, "So? I love my Mum, don't you love yours?"

They looked offended and said, "Yes of course we do".

So he said, "Good, then go and give them a kiss" grin

One by one they all turned and kissed their Mums...who just stood there looking stunned but secretly pleased.

DramaAlpaca Fri 27-Sep-13 22:21:14

Worra that's a lovely story. DS1 who's nearly 20 will now happily hug me in front of his friends. His younger brothers aren't quite as brave grin.

BrawToken Fri 27-Sep-13 22:41:17

Kiss them as much as possible when they are wee smile

I agree that making them accept hugs/kisses isn't the same as making them give hugs/kisses. I've deliberately never insisted on the latter.

Namechangesforthehardstuff Fri 27-Sep-13 23:42:36

'making them accept hugs/kisses'

Oh dear.

Oh dear?

elfycat Sat 28-Sep-13 08:10:31

I insisted DD1, reception year, kissed DH before running into school. She doesn't normally kiss us as she's too busy following her friends in. But he was going away to work for 3 weeks before she's get home, and we'll see him again mid-Oct. I think I'll be insisting on kisses for him for many years - but only once every 6 weeks.

One of my acquaintances / potential friends amongst the parent is a social working working for SS. Maybe I should check? wink

elfycat Sat 28-Sep-13 08:11:32

*social worker
she'd

ballstoit Sat 28-Sep-13 08:29:25

DS is 8. Each morning he walks off, I call 'you've forgotten something'. He comes back and I kiss him.

To an outsider, that might look like me forcing him to kiss goodbye. To DS and I, it's part of our morning. He needs to seem reluctant to kiss me, so as not to be embarrassed in front of his friends. However, the one morning I didn't do it, he complained in the evening that I hadn't kissed him. smile

Namechangesforthehardstuff Sat 28-Sep-13 08:42:35

Yup.

I am going to bawl my eyes out the day DS stops wanting a kiss. He's Year 2 and always kisses me and runs at me at pick-up. I reckon that even if embarrassed, kids still feel loved and that is more important than what their mates think.

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