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To believe I have enemies on Facebook

(34 Posts)
dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 08:24:12

I posted an email from school ( but with no name on it) which added to an ongoing conversation on a school issue. I accept that with hindsight this was wrong, and have been asked to delete it, which indeed I have.

However it must have been a so called friend that reported it, as my settings are totally private, and the post was 2 weeks ago!

I have apologised to school, but what upsets me is who hates me that much to report it? I feel really in comfortable with this, and have deleted the suspects!

I would leave Facebook, but it is useful as communication between parents now both DC are at secondary school.

BOF Thu 26-Sep-13 08:27:00

Was it gossip about the headteacher and Vera?

CoffeeTea103 Thu 26-Sep-13 08:27:41

Well it doesn't mean that person is your enemy. Depends on what you posted on Facebook, maybe it was sensitive info, spoke about or identified people then anyone can find this wrong enough to report.

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 08:32:12

It wasn't offensive, it was just about the change to the MFL syllabus. There was a discussion about it prompted by me, and I posted the reply I got from school. I should have just posted the jist of the reply and not just pasted it. It was a silly thing to do, but didn't warrant reporting, I certainly wouldn't have done it to one of my friends.

deXavia Thu 26-Sep-13 08:35:15

But it could have appeared on their page and someone the HT or LDC could have seen it. Then they trace it back to the source ie your page.

When will people learn The tinternet is not private, if you share with one person you could share with the world. It's like gossiping in a noisy pub, all you need is one person standing next to you and a lull in the noise and whoops you just told the whole pub your deepest secret...

PeppiNephrine Thu 26-Sep-13 08:35:59

It's very childish to assume someone "got you in trouble because they hate you" rather than someone informed the school because you had done something wrong that concerned the school.
You did something you shouldn't, and you got caught. Wise up and don't do it again rather than angsting about who ratted you our, schoolyard style.

cozietoesie Thu 26-Sep-13 08:36:12

'Facebook Friends' are not necessarily real friends though, are they?

Even if your settings are locked tight, anybody who may have commented it would have had it appear on their own pages too.

And also, why would you have people on your FB who you suspect may dob you in to the school?

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 08:58:35

Yep, I accept I was caught! But if it had been one of my friends, I would have pm d them and said ' actually dingit, I think you should delete that...'
I think I know who it was, as she is a teacher ( not at that school) and sadly has been a good friend since nursery, i would have expected her to approach me!

lottieandmia Thu 26-Sep-13 09:05:49

Some people may feel strongly enough about an issue they see posted that they would report it if they disagree with it, even if a facebook friend posted it. That doesn't mean they actually dislike you.

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 09:22:48

Hmmm, I fail to see how someone could feel strongly about that.

Anyhow. Lesson learned, I shall moderate my rantings on Facebook!

rooobarbb Thu 26-Sep-13 09:24:26

it seems cowardly that someone would just report you without actually speaking to you about it first.

GetStuffezd Thu 26-Sep-13 09:27:29

I saw a FB acquaintance write a truly horrible and inaccurate post about an ex teacher colleague of mine - it was honestly accusing her of being abusive to her pupils. I rung the school as my friend is the deputy and she must have been asked to remove it as she wrote a very unpleasant following post.
I don't consider her my enemy but some things are best off not put on FB. Particularly if the sender of the email, possibly in your case, had intended it as a private email conversation.

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 09:34:18

The school has a standard message saying the email is private, so it was a stupid thing to do. However in no way would it have got the member of staff in trouble. If the deputy head had been able to read the rest of my page, he would have seen my comments about the lack of funding, which they would not have liked!

SilverApples Thu 26-Sep-13 09:38:39

You have a very low threshold as to what constitutes an enemy.

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 09:55:19

Yep, I must do. Surely a real friend would whisper in your shell like!

SilverApples Thu 26-Sep-13 09:59:16

Well, if they thought you might get cross, personalise the argument and see them as an enemy, then they might not choose to raise the issue directly with you.

rooobarbb Thu 26-Sep-13 10:01:54

Surely though Silverapples if they're willing to go behind the OP's back and snitch on her then they're not a real friend and are, at best, a frenemy. Lots of my friends say and do things at times that I disagree with and although I might tell them that I disagree, I certainly wouldn't go telling tales behind their backs. Friends don't do things like that.

OP, I'd probably do a status saying thanks a lot to whoever told the school you'd copied and pasted the email, and could whoever did it please remove themselves from your friends list

DeWe Thu 26-Sep-13 10:02:37

It's also possible that one of your friends went into school to complain and said "I know you said XXX because I saw the letter that dingit got sent, and I still disagree..." and it came out that way.

SilverApples Thu 26-Sep-13 10:05:09

Well, contacting someone directly has always been my preferred approach, but I don't mind people getting huffy and I don't get upset myself. Not everyone is like that, some hate the idea of any disagreement, even on ethics.
That said, I have 38 friends on my FB, rather than 380 or 3,800.

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 10:09:39

I had 88, now 85 as I have removed some!
I'm rattled because I got my hand rapped,and dreading the next parents evening, and rattled because someone must have known by reporting me what would happen!

rooobarbb Thu 26-Sep-13 10:12:37

Don't dread parents evening dingit! you're not a pupil, they're not going to give you lines or suspend you wink

dirtyface Thu 26-Sep-13 10:13:50

oh OP thats really bad sad

sounds like it was deffo one of your "friends"

sad

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 10:16:05

Thanks rooobarbb. Its likely it will be forgotten, but I guess I have a guilt complex! I feel I am a marked woman, as I always seem to be emailing about various issues!

Viviennemary Thu 26-Sep-13 10:20:50

That is dreadful. I would either leave Facebook or close the account and start again. I certainly wouldn't stay with the same list of friends if I knew one of them had reported me. The only thing is one of your facebook friends could have told somebody else what you had written and they decided to report it. The amount of trouble Facebook causes. It's not worth it IMHO.

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 10:26:20

Funnily enough, it did cross my mind as I posted it, but I thought that removing the teachers name made it ok. Her reply was just a rehash of the original letter sent to everyone, so there was absolutely nothing private there at all! My post was pointing out she hadn't addressed my issues at all! ( although my later comment about her teaching degree in bullshit didn't help blush)

SilverApples Thu 26-Sep-13 10:41:12

So it wasn't just the email then, you put the boot in on the teacher too?
I think that the only consequence for me if I was one of your friends is that I'd regard you as indiscreet and be careful what I allowed you access to.
I have friends that I do like a lot, but they have particular weaknesses that I don't test.
Just brazen it out until the next exciting bit of gossip makes this fade into the past.

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 10:52:21

Indiscreet, yes. Put the boot in? Didn't say teacher was crap, just that she was skirting the issue. Copying the email was wrong, but saying what I thought wasn't!

I'm getting too gobby in my old age! Off to AGM now, where mulling this over will help me keep my gob shut!

mrsfuzzy Thu 26-Sep-13 11:01:12

don't worry about it, there will always be someone ready to stick the oar in, is this person a real life or a fb 'friend' ?

SilverApples Thu 26-Sep-13 11:32:20

She doesn't know who it was exactly, she has her suspicions...smile
There's nothing they can do to you, OP. You are a grown-up.
There isn't a naughty step that can hold you.

SilverApples Thu 26-Sep-13 11:33:47

If I posted on my FB that a parent had a degree in bullshit, there's be trouble heading my way. grin
I can think it.

Why do you assume it was malicious? It could have just as easily been another parent saying something like "I've seen the e-mail dingit posted on Facebook about the MFL syllabus and wanted to query xyz". But to be honest I'd have been tempted to report you too if you accused someone of having a degree in bullshit - in no way is that on.

NOTHING is private on the internet, and Facebook even less so. NOTHING can be deleted - there's always an archive somewhere. If you wouldn't say it in a crowded place think very carefully whether you should say it at all.

DuelingFanjo Thu 26-Sep-13 13:38:53

limit your posts to certain people?

I recently put a whole lot of people on restricted access and it really makes me feel better.

wish I could do it on here too!

dingit Thu 26-Sep-13 13:50:35

I have learnt my lesson. However my reply to the email told the teacher I thought her reply was bullshit, but more politely than that!

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