To be hiding from next door's children

(44 Posts)
EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 15:50:44

They are in our house again. They have been here since about 1pm. They have been over every day after school this week, and the same thing happened last Sunday too.

I am hiding upstairs in the bedroom "marking books" as I have now had enough.

I have two boys, aged 8 and 7, next door's boys are aged 7 and 5. The two 7 year olds are in the same class at school and get on very well. The 5 year old shouts a lot and cries if they don't let him get his own way. My 8 year old is fed up as he is trying to play Minecraft in peace.

They wait for us to get home from school every day and knock on the door almost as soon as we walk in. This is usually my husband's problem rather than mine as he does pickup, I'm still at work.

I did chuck them all into the garden when they first came round, and then took the younger three to the park for an hour to play football, feel I've done my bit now.

How do I politely say "go home now you are driving me crazy"?

FeckOffCup Sun 22-Sep-13 15:54:01

Send them all to the neighbours house saying you have housework to do without 4 kids underfoot, let the neighbours put up with yours for a change.

hermioneweasley Sun 22-Sep-13 15:55:28

YABVU to be hiding in your own house. Just tell the neighbour's kids it's time to go home, and when they knock tomorrow tell them it's not convenient and close the door.

Easy.

Just say, "Time for you to go home now. Goodbye." Don't even contemplate the possibility of refusal.

tripecity Sun 22-Sep-13 15:56:47

Ummm...say 'please go home?' and show them the door

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 15:57:40

I've done it - I just snapped and said "time to go home now, you've been here ages and I'm trying to do my work"

My smaller one has gone with them. They do go over there occasionally, but my 8 year old doesn't go as he enjoys the peace when they're not here.

It's lovely and quiet now.

Best get on with those books.

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 15:57:58

I think I'm too nice.

DragonsAreReal Sun 22-Sep-13 15:58:21

You don't even have to let them in in the first place!

Just say its time to go home now an hold the door open.

Tell them you are busy and they have to go home.

Don't be a pushover and stand firm.

Go on, it's easy wink

hermioneweasley Sun 22-Sep-13 15:58:38

Too nice.....or a total mug

Vintageclock Sun 22-Sep-13 16:07:17

YANBU

DuckToWater Sun 22-Sep-13 16:11:24

Suggest they all play at the neighbours' house.

This is one of the reasons I went back to work - can't stand the after school period! Now I get to miss it altogether, hurrah!

AaDB Sun 22-Sep-13 16:15:43

If my ds played in a friend every night after school, I'd have them over at the weekend. Every day after school and each weekend day is a bit to much. I wouldn't like every other day tbh. Clearly the parents aren't bothered and you will have to be proactive.

Of they wait for your DG and DC to come home, he should say 'not tonight'. If you are happy then say they can come in for x and then must go home.

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 16:20:05

I think it might be because I do work that I resent having our family time invaded to quite such an extent.

We didn't have a problem over the summer holidays because when we weren't on holiday they were. But since school started it's been almost every day after school, plus weekends. Like Duck I'm not usually in. My husband is starting to get irritated though and that's not like him at all.

My younger son enjoys having his friend over, he has said "why does little brother have to come too, he's annoying". I'm inclined to agree, but I think it would be mean to leave him out.

My older son is getting rapidly fed up though, he's 8 going on 40, and finds the three of them together very irritating. That's why I took them out earlier, as my boy wanted to help his dad clean the car and it would have been impossible with four of them.

DuckToWater Sun 22-Sep-13 16:42:53

Perhaps you could speak to the parents and formalise the arrangements a bit more? Our children and neighbours children often play in one others' houses and gardens but I think both sets of parents have a similar tolerance of when it's all a bit "too much".

As they don't see each other all week now I don't mind a few hours of being in and out of the house and neighbour's house at the weekend, but not all day.

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 17:01:56

Yes Duck - I'm wondering if we could have a "you can play Mon, Wed, Fri but we get Tue and Thu off" sort of arrangement.

AaDB Sun 22-Sep-13 18:26:29

Sounds good, I thinks it's a good idea to talk to the parents.

I also think they should offer to have your ds over and have one night when it's just the two 7 yos.

You sound lovely and much more welcoming than I am. I love people coming over but hate a pop in.

Hunfriend Sun 22-Sep-13 18:50:10

No visitors on a school night unless arranged ie playdate.
They have to call on a Saturday to see if you are free, NO visitors on a Sunday .Its a faaaaaamily day wink

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Sun 22-Sep-13 18:57:59

We get this with the little girl next door only its always our house never theirs. She goes to her dads at the weekends so at least we get them free. To be fair she is a super kid, but it`s all the bloody time.

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 19:03:59

Mine never ever pop over there. Younger one has been primed to say "could we go to your house now?" but it's about 80:20 at the moment.

He came back after half an hour this afternoon, when they'd been over here for four hours.

It sounds like I'm keeping score now. Perhaps I am.

fluffyraggies Sun 22-Sep-13 19:04:11

OP i used to be awful at letting neighbours kids walk all over me and my house and the contents of my fridge just because i was awkward about how to sort it. Then i got a job in a primary school ..... smile

You need to develop your big jolly no nonsense voice grin

Maintaining Big Grin grin @ the kids on the door step - ''Hello there! No - not today, bye bye for now''. Close door gently.

Never give a reason - little kids will find a way round it. Never say 'maybe tomorrow', they wont take the hint.

... and when you do want to let them in, again with the big jolly voice - ''Just for an hour today, then it's home time''.

... home time: ''Right!'' grin ''everyone to go home now, it's been lovely having you to play but off we go''. Bustle bustle bustle. It works.

Children IMO prefer adults to be kind and firm and then everyone knows where they stand.

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 19:07:46

fluffy - oh I can do the teacher voice. And I don't feed them, if they're hungry they can go home.

Husband also declined to wipe smaller one's bum the other day when he popped in and immediately went for a poo.

I need to say no more often. As does husband.

i would never send my kids somewhere without checking first. i find this extraordinary. their sahp is having an awfully easy time of it.

fluffyraggies Sun 22-Sep-13 19:12:57

Then teacher voice needs to come out at home OP grin

It's lovely to feel you can have an open door policy to your kids friends all the time, but if they haven't the social skills, or their parents are happy to dump them on you then you have to put your -teacher-- foot down.

Some people just do not do fair shares when it comes to play dates so you have to man the doors sadly.

Misspixietrix Sun 22-Sep-13 19:21:01

YNBU I had a similar problem with some of DC's friens who live further up the road. It got to everytime they saw us walking home they would run straight here to play with DCs. I have no problem with DCs friends coming over to play just occasionally not every fucking day! time they see/hear our Gate open. OP I ended up having a word with their Mum in the end as even when I told them I was busy it just fell on deaf ears and one cheeky sod staged a sit in protest in my Garden! grin

Misspixietrix Sun 22-Sep-13 19:23:20

*friends. Oops!

bloodybutunbowed Sun 22-Sep-13 19:43:07

We've had a lot of success with putting a red/green sign on our front door - green = knock, you're welcome to play, red = don't knock, you'll be ignored or told to go away. Didn't take the neighbouring children long to learn and the message spread to other kids in the street.

AaDB Sun 22-Sep-13 20:05:43

I don't mind hosting most of the time when it comes to having friends for tea. They are always prearranged and never on spec. One little friend mentioned his DM would never allow ds to come over for a return visit, we decided it wasn't worth the effort of having him over (very lively and fussy).

I'm surprised that your ndn isn't fair about reciprocating. I'd hardly notice an extra 7 year old wink . As it's a change, I would speak to the adults and say no more unexpected visits/ what is tolerable/ your 7 yo ds would like.

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 20:25:05

I don't think it's neighbour's fault really, I think the children just ask to come here and she lets them. She's happy for them to go over there too. They just seem to be here more than there at the moment.

I like bloody's idea of a sign. I nearly ignored our other (grown-up) neighbour the other day as I was hiding from the knocking!

SpottyDottie Sun 22-Sep-13 20:28:45

Oh Op!! Just say NO. Every day would drive me completely around the bend. It is taking the piss, however nice the children are or how well they get on with your DC. Of course their mother is going to let them if you continue to allow it to happen.

DontmindifIdo Sun 22-Sep-13 20:32:41

Loudly tell them next week "oh, I've got some work to do and need to concentrate, so sorry, can't play here this week, although, DS2, do you want to go to their house?"

ICameOnTheJitney Sun 22-Sep-13 20:32:44

I think the neighbours are taking the Mick. I have a 9 year old and an almost 6 year old and I would never foist the younger DD on the older DDs mates!

It's just not on unless they ask or are doing a specific thing...like skating or if I'm taking them all on a little trip to the cafe or something.

Finola1step Sun 22-Sep-13 20:39:45

Your neighbour must love living next to you. Free child care after school and at the weekend. And she doesn't even have to ask, the children do. If only I had this sort if arrangement. My house would sparkle and I would be on top of all my paperwork. Oh no wait... I wouldn't because I'm not a mickey taker.

Foot down. Firm. Now. Or as the Autumn and Winter draws in, those kids will be in yours even more.

Have I understood you correctly, Endoplasmic - is it usually your dh who is at home when the dc get home from school? Because, if so, he needs to start turning them away at the door - can he do Firm Teacher voice, or could you teach him?

Dubjackeen Sun 22-Sep-13 20:47:50

OP, I agree with other posters. Your neighbour is totally taking advantage. No way should they be arriving like that, every day, and staying for hours on end. You and your husband need to get tough. Decide what days, if any, you want them, and limit the time. No ifs, buts, or maybes, out the door, when YOU say it is time to go home. And no admittance, on certain days.

Idespair Sun 22-Sep-13 20:52:59

I couldn't tolerate that. People visit when they are invited. I visit people when I am invited. What a nightmare. I'd put a complete stop to it as I couldn't stand the constant invasion.

Astr0naut Sun 22-Sep-13 20:53:31

Make them all play outside. It was a kind of unwritten rue when we weer kids that you didn't go in each others' houses. I didn't get to see inside my best friends' houses until we were 13!

defineme Sun 22-Sep-13 21:00:05

I have this issue.
I am very very firm....
I say they have to play in the garden because I've just tidied/cleaned/I have work to do.
I have been to tell parents of 3 year old that I'm not comfortable having an unsupervised 3 yr old in my garden so can he wait to be invited, because when he's invited it means I have the time to supervise.
I time limit and stick to it.
I say no, but they can come to your house if you want...it's then up to my kids.
If we are having family time I just say no we're having family time.
Or I tell them all to go and play in our back lane.
If it's not working out/kids are falling out...I just say it's time to go home now-no reasons offered.

I'm not a total bitch..I just do what suits me. What suited me today was taking 2 extra kids to the park with my 3 because that made life easier not harder.
It would not have suited me to have them in the house.

steppemum Sun 22-Sep-13 21:27:53

my dds are 8 and 5
friends a few houses down have kids aged 7 and 5

Mine often go and knock on their door to play. But we are very careful to space it out, not every day. And if they were there for a long time last time, I make sure they ask if the friends can come to ours to play, so it is balanced.

But I also make sure that the oldest two get time without the little ones. I let dd1 go down and knock and keep dd2 at home. They get fed up with the younger ones always being there

If kids knock when it isn't convenient, we just say, sorry can't do it today

TootsFroots Sun 22-Sep-13 21:33:42

I think you are being really daft (sorry). They are kids - let them in when you want to and say 'sorry guys you have to leave now' whenever you want them to go. It really is that simple shock

Not saying anything then snapping is not fair on the kids.

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 22:00:16

SDGT yes it is usually husband at home. He is very laid back, so hasn't objected, which is maybe why it's got to be so often. It is starting to irk him too now though.

Toots I didn't snap at the kids, I was very polite.

EndoplasmicReticulum Sun 22-Sep-13 22:03:31

steppemum this is what I don't quite get, when the boys ask for the 7th day in a row "can we go and knock next door" why their mum doesn't say "no, you've been loads, give them a break".

That's what you do, that's what I'd do.

I don't want to fall out over it either, I like neighbours. My younger son likes the boy his age. My older son was hiding in his bedroom the other day too, so I think for his sake if not mine I'm going to have to toughen up a bit.

Do you check to see what position the parents' bedroom curtains are in when you're hosting the biys?

<<nods sagely>>

Do you check to see what position the parents' bedroom curtains are in when you're hosting the biys?

<<nods sagely>>

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