to call the police when i can hear the the girl upstairs getting abused by her oh

(101 Posts)
rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 10:39:06

I'm sitting here listening to the couple upstairs violently argue. She is screening stop hitting me he is screaming language to horrible to repeaf and their big dog is going nuts.
I've just call the police
Did i do right thing or should i have left well alon

CocacolaMum Fri 20-Sep-13 10:39:55

YADNBU.

TheBigJessie Fri 20-Sep-13 10:40:35

Calling the police was the right thing to do.

MotherofBear Fri 20-Sep-13 10:40:36

You absolutely did the right thing, yes. Domestic violence should always be reported.

PoppadomPreach Fri 20-Sep-13 10:40:53

there is no question that you did the right thing - well done.

hope the prick gets charged.

babyboomersrock Fri 20-Sep-13 10:41:11

You did the right thing, OP.

orangepudding Fri 20-Sep-13 10:41:22

I think you did the right thing.

I used to live next to neighbours like that and regret never being brave enough to call the police. I was scared that I would be targeted. Now I'm a few years older I think I probably would call.

VoiceofRaisin Fri 20-Sep-13 10:41:28

Well done, OP. I hope she is ok. Of course you did the right thing. It is all too easy to stand by and not get involved but it sounds like she (they) need intervention.

YouAreTheOneAndYoni Fri 20-Sep-13 10:41:50

You've done the right thing. It's difficult when it's your neighbours, but you'd regret it if you hadn't.

CecilyP Fri 20-Sep-13 10:42:52

You did the right thing. If it is domestic violence he should get charged. If it sounded far worse than it actually was, it might teach them to moderate their behaviour in future.

WeAreEternal Fri 20-Sep-13 10:44:38

You absolutely did the right thing. I hope she takes the help the police offer.

Finola1step Fri 20-Sep-13 10:45:48

You have done the right thing.

DameDeepRedBetty Fri 20-Sep-13 10:47:47

Well done OP. Just hope they come ...

Well done OP

MrsWolowitz Fri 20-Sep-13 10:48:16

YANBU.

You would have been unreasonable to sit there knowing she was being abused and done nothing.

Well done for calling.

Is it still going on op ? Have they arrived yet?

thanks

Fakebook Fri 20-Sep-13 10:50:39

Ofcourse you're not being unreasonable.

cariadmawr Fri 20-Sep-13 10:52:41

Why are you thinkin DO IT she could be seriously hurt I was brought up in the same environment until my mother saw sense and thankfully my wonderful stepfather came along and showed me that this was not normal . So much so that when I met my dh24 years ago I warned him don't even let me think you could do it .

I have rang 101 twice in the last 6 weeks over the same thing just to know that each time I have rang it has stopped even for that night she was safe .

Well done for doing the right thing, I hope she is ok.

Latara Fri 20-Sep-13 10:53:59

You've done the right thing.

My Mum had to report a neighbour for the same reason and was glad she did.

IShallCallYouSquishy Fri 20-Sep-13 10:56:56

Definitely the right thing. I did the same when I heard the 18 year old son of my old neighbour screaming abuse at his girlfriend and then saw him dragging her out the communal door of the flats we were living in.

Police were there in moments and sadly wasn't the first or last time.

flyingwidow Fri 20-Sep-13 10:57:09

undoubtedly you have done the right thing. I hope that everything gets sorted out. Good on you for having the backbone to do it- we need more people like you in the world. thanks

Hegsy Fri 20-Sep-13 11:00:37

Completly the right thing OP

PigStack Fri 20-Sep-13 11:01:32

We were once woken up by a couple walking up our (narrow) street. He was whalloping her (real thumps that we could hear) as they went, they were screaming at each other. We phoned the police and when they arrived the two had gone into their flat (opposite ours). SHE came to the door and screamed at the police to F off and mind their own business. asai remember the police told us that because it was a domestic dispute and inside their home and she had no complaint there was nothing they could do shock
I was glad we had reported it nonetheless but very shocked at the accepted violence. We moved soon after so have no idea what became of them.
YANBU.

VanitasVanitatum Fri 20-Sep-13 11:06:23

cariad she has done it. Hope they turn up soon OP

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 11:15:53

Police have been. I've got her in my flat giving her a cup of tea and some mn style advice.

Glad she's safe now smile

BoreOfWhabylon Fri 20-Sep-13 11:17:59

Well done Rosie. Very well done.

WorraLiberty Fri 20-Sep-13 11:20:21

I'm surprised you're even asking

Hope she's ok

Rosie, so glad you didn't ignore, like so many people would. You may have saved her life. It's great that mumsnet can arm us with all the information (and wisdom) she'll need, which I'm sure you're imparting right now!

mrsjay Fri 20-Sep-13 11:20:32

yes you did the right thing you did a great thing infact I hope you are ok hearing that is horrible,

peachmint Fri 20-Sep-13 11:20:37

Well done for helping her - you did the right thing.

mrsjay Fri 20-Sep-13 11:21:12

oh well done I hope she is ok,

piratecat Fri 20-Sep-13 11:24:07

you did right. i did this once and it worked out ok, in that the man was made to leave and the lady ended up making a new life. It was a bit scary 'getting involved' as i was scared of comeback from him.

Yet he was beating her and i had to do it. i hope you are ok, and that she is too.x

DameDeepRedBetty Fri 20-Sep-13 11:24:38

rosie you are an official star! Hope you've been able to help her take steps in moving forward from this.

If someone like you had rung when it was my DM going through this 20 odd years ago then she'd have had the jolt she needed to leave. Well done.

spokeswoman Fri 20-Sep-13 11:30:44

Well done,hope she is ok.
I wish someone had phoned the police when my ex was beeting me up.

Well done
You should never leave well alone.

mrsjay Fri 20-Sep-13 11:31:20

and mine theOrchardKeeper how neighbours didn't here is beyond me I guess folk turned a blind eye back then,

mrsjay Fri 20-Sep-13 11:31:30

hear*

ToffeeWhirl Fri 20-Sep-13 11:32:37

Well done, rosie. Absolutely the right thing to do.

FreudiansSlipper Fri 20-Sep-13 11:36:36

yes you absolutely did do the right thing

sadly it may not stop her going back to him but it might help her make the steps to move on lets hope

Lweji Fri 20-Sep-13 11:44:08

You are great.

Poor girl. sad

I hope she manages to get rid of him.

Have the police taken him away, or is he still there?

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 11:48:49

Thanks lovely ladies.
I new it was the right thing to do. It has at least stopped him hurting her more today. She is bumped and bruised and horribly accepting of the situation.

AgathaF Fri 20-Sep-13 11:59:49

Can you make sure she knows about Women's Aid?

Oh god, do you think she'll go back to him? sad

well done you. smile

elcranko Fri 20-Sep-13 12:03:20

You definitely did the right thing. Well done you.

allforoneandoneforall Fri 20-Sep-13 12:06:41
caramelwaffle Fri 20-Sep-13 12:07:01

Excellent point Agatha.

You did the right thing.

Sometimes I call the police. Sometimes the other neighbours call the police (Ongoing situation)

Charlottehere Fri 20-Sep-13 12:07:02

Well done op.

good for you.
here, have some thanks

WafflyVersatile Fri 20-Sep-13 12:26:13

Go over some of those 'how do you know you're being abused tick lists while you have her there.

And well done. smile

Also remember to post on FB about how you called the police while wearing a help for heroes hoody.

He once beat her up in a pub and dragged her to the carpark & no one did a thing. People too often seem to think that it's not their place but I wish for her and for lots of others that more people did things like this rather than just stood by. Well done op , even if it seemed pointless or it happens again etc, the seriousness/wrongness of it has been highlighted for her and it may be the thing that eventually changes her perception.

ouryve Fri 20-Sep-13 12:34:27

Rosie flowers

Lweji Fri 20-Sep-13 12:44:44

Go over some of those 'how do you know you're being abused tick lists while you have her there.

God.
He beat her up.
Yes, she is being abused.
He should be jailed.

Do you want to start a thread with her?
She can talk about her relationship and will get much needed advice and support.
Even if she'll feel ashamed to go to you in the future.

BTW, if he's back he's likely to be even worse, but do it more silently. sad sad sad sad

allforoneandoneforall Fri 20-Sep-13 12:49:28

Poeple like him wont change all the time he has a hole in his arse! Fact! But leaving him means leaving all the good things, which there probably are as well, and being alone. It's not easy. Love is blinding.

SisterMonicaJoan Fri 20-Sep-13 12:49:38

Well done Rose thanks

I hope your neighbour is ok and starts to accept her situation and reaches out to get the help she needs. She was brave enough to leave when the police arrived so I hope she manages to be brave a little longer...

StuntGirl Fri 20-Sep-13 12:52:15

I'm glad you got her away from him, even if it was just for one night.

kali110 Fri 20-Sep-13 12:53:54

It must have been hard for you, but you did the right thing x

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 12:56:54

Thanks for the women's aid advice. I've called them and passed the phone to her. They are trying to help. Sadly I think it's falling on deaf ears.

SecretLimonadeDrinker Fri 20-Sep-13 13:12:46

Well done Rosie' you are a star.

AgathaF Fri 20-Sep-13 13:17:16

I think it can take many beatings, and many offerings of advice or shelter for women to leave. She may not go this time, but some of the information they give her will stick and maybe next time or the one after, she will be able to see more clearly and leave.

StanleyLambchop Fri 20-Sep-13 13:18:23

I have read the thread but I can't see it is mentioned what happened to him. Please tell me he is not just sitting up in their flat waiting for her to return!

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 13:21:07

She's packed and going to her sisters ( soon i hope as her denial is becoming annoying)
Thanks again for helping. It wasn't easy. Dh at work and i have a 9 week old.

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 13:28:09

Who i now want some privacy to feed. Police have been back and taken ( reluctantly given) statement from her. I have told her if she goes back i will from now on call the police every time i hear them. . ( it happens often this morning was particularly bad)
She saying all the things that abused women do. doesn't see it as domestic violence ( just a fight wtf) and blaming herself for starting it. sad done my best.

Please try and be patient. I know it's hard to listen to the denial/self blaming but that's part of the abuse & the psychological grip that he probably has on her as well as the physical one and all you can do is point that out to her & hope that this has at least shocked her enough to rethink everything and consider reaching out.

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 13:30:58

Stanley he walked off when the police came. Probably in the pub somewhere now.

WafflyVersatile Fri 20-Sep-13 13:31:54

God.
He beat her up.
Yes, she is being abused.
He should be jailed.

Of course he should but this is about her coming to her own conclusions, which isn't quite so easy as you typing indignantly on a forum, and as you can read she's not even near there yet.

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 13:39:42

TOKeeper I'm trying. I've been there and know just how hard it is. I will keep trying hopefully some of what i say may help at some point. Bless her she's so young And vvulnerable. ( 23 going on 17)

well done rosie thanks

hopefully her sister will try and make her see that what is happening is wrong

I know it's very frustrating from the outside. Had a friend who stayed with a bloke like that for a year or so after the abuse started & it wasn't always easy to be patient but she got there in her own time. Him being reported did actually help, as it was people from outside the relationship/her friend group also saying 'no, this is wrong, not your fault, shouldn't happen etc'. If she's gone to her sisters then that's great & sounds like she'll get there, in her own time.

MySweetPrince Fri 20-Sep-13 13:55:27

Absolutely the right thing.My sister was in an abusive relationship and her neighbours called the police when they could hear her screaming as he was banging her head agianst the wall. She hadn't told us (her family) about the abuse as a) she was ashamed and b) he had threatened to harm our younger sister if she ever let on.
The police coming was what triggered my sister to leave the abusive B***ard and get help - and rebuild her life.

Lweji Fri 20-Sep-13 14:08:49

Hopefully she will go to her sister and she'll encourage her to leave him for good.

It's so sad.

She must be overwhelmed right now.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 20-Sep-13 15:10:32

op

My working life would be much much easier if more people reported.

People get away with committing DV because its a mostly hidden crime when someone outside of the situation reports you then have a witness.

The police get involved sooner because they know sooner,medical help happens sooner as does social support.

IME an outside report leads to leaving quicker being less physically injured and a slightly lower risk for the first year after leaving (women who flee DV are most at risk at the time of leaving or for the first year) knowing the wider comunity will not tolerate or ignore vulnerable victims makes help seeking easier and retribution against the victim less likely as many men who do this rely on other people turning a blind eye and making the victim feel like nobody else is bothered.

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 15:30:39

Hi. Her sister has just picked her up. She has contact with woman's aid and I've got a headache! ! She has been in constant text contact with him ( sigh)
Sad thing is she will probably be back in a few days.
My heart does go out to her and I hope she's heard just a little of what I've said but i fear her self esteem is too low and his control still to strong.

mrsjay Fri 20-Sep-13 15:44:20

Rosie make sure your door is locked in case he comes to cause trouble for you, I think she will end up back with him though sadly

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 15:52:19

mrsjay he doesn't have the balls to speak to me. . I'd rip him apart without breaking a sweat ( verbaly of course) like all bullies he'll pic there victims carefully. More worried about what he could do while I'm out! !!

I reported my upstairs neighbour's boyfriend. I never heard any fights again. I really hope he either left or she dumped him.

rosiedays Fri 20-Sep-13 21:13:24

She's back already. sad.
So do i call them again next time and every time? Surely the police will get very fed up with me?

Ziggyzoom Fri 20-Sep-13 21:22:28

If he is back too - call the police. They probably want to arrest him.

Definitely call them again. For a start, you said you would and she needs to know that you'll follow through. She might be angry with you today but maybe in a year's time she'll bless your very name.

flowers

Madmartigan Fri 20-Sep-13 21:41:37

The number of police call outs to the address may be used to make decisions and assessments in future, so definitely worth doing, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. As victims rarely want to proceed it may be the only clue the authorities have that he is terrorising her.

MikeOxard Fri 20-Sep-13 21:44:45

Call again every time. They will get fed up with HIM. But they have to do their job. It sounds like it will take a few timesfor it to sink in with the woman that this is not at all normal or acceptable.

Yes. If she's currently minimising and saying it's "just a fight" then a few visits from the police will emphasise that normal people don't fight like that.

Lweji Fri 20-Sep-13 22:03:22

Yes, definitely, they will be fed up with him. Not you.

Do keep calling.

Where I live, DV is considered a "public crime", meaning that a witness can report it and once it is logged in, it can still get to court even if the victim doesn't report it or signs a complaint.
This is because it is so difficult to get the victims to report DV.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Fri 20-Sep-13 22:22:29

Call the police!

rosiedays Sat 21-Sep-13 11:33:26

There off again. Not as bad yet! !!
It's horrible to listen to. He's telling her to leave but she won't. Go! !
Dh has has enough and just wants to go out. I'm worried about her

SilverApples Sat 21-Sep-13 11:38:23

Someone will be along with the statistics, but it often seems to take half a dozen or more 'leavings' before a woman will leave an abusive relationship for good.
She has somewhere to go, her sister, at least.

Ifancyashandy Sat 21-Sep-13 11:46:02

I would call the police non emergency number now. Then if (when) it escalates and you call again, they will already have a log and arrive promptly.

TinyCC Sat 21-Sep-13 13:43:33

Even if she doesn't press charges, if there are so many reported incidents in a period of time, she should be referred to MARAC which is a multi-agency group which meets regularly to see what support can be given to individual victims of DV - agencies such as housing, health, social services, specialist DV support, police etc. No one can make her leave but the more support available and people monitoring (eg local housing officers, PCSOs etc) the harder it makes it for him to get away with it.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 21-Sep-13 19:03:32

According to WA its 37 assaults before seeking help on on average 7 times leaving.

She does not have to leave he can be made to.

Op call them again the police will not get fed up with you at all it will save money and resources long term.

Police officers and DV agencies LOVE people who report overheard DV it saves lives and work and effort.

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 21-Sep-13 19:04:54

But no its not a 101 its a 999

roughtyping Sat 21-Sep-13 19:15:33

Have just read through this. You've been really patient, just wanted to say well done for helping and please don't give up. It's so frustrating but I think you can't see the wood for the trees when you're in a situation like that.

catgirl1976 Sat 21-Sep-13 19:37:45

I think I would call the police again

I am not sure he would be allowed to be back there so quickly after an incident

DH smashed our windows a while ago and I called the police

They didn't arrest him but were adamant that he had to stay somewhere else that night and if he had nowhere else to go it would be the cells

That might not be standard, but it seemed like it was IYSWIM

MammaTJ Sat 21-Sep-13 19:39:12

Do ring 999 every single time! She needs you to!

cjel Sat 21-Sep-13 19:42:48

You have done the right thingx

I would definitely call 999 every time. Poor woman, hopefully in time she will leave him sad

rosiedays Sun 22-Sep-13 13:21:34

Thanks for your support everyone. It should be an easycall but I not! !! Can't remember the last time I had to dial 999 and not something i do lightly.
It would seem that it's his flat and he wants her to leavebut sshe's refusing to go as she thinks he's seeing someone else. Oh Lord give me strength.
I will keep calling when it's bad as I don't want to listen to it. The language is some of the foulest I've ever heard ( and i have not lived a sheltered life)

WafflyVersatile Sun 22-Sep-13 15:45:27

Call the police even if it is him wanting her to leave and her refusing to move. The police removing her would be best for her even if she doesn't think so.

ItsTheOnlyWayToLive Sun 22-Sep-13 15:54:15

You did the right thing, op. If you didn't, the next time could have been much much worse. Well done thanks

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