New car decision- we disagree

(65 Posts)
Pinkpinot Thu 19-Sep-13 21:47:35

Dh doesn't drive. And is probably in the car for 2/3 long journeys a year
I do about 10-12k miles per year.
Who gets to decide what car we get?

Euphemia Thu 19-Sep-13 21:48:47

You both do, if it's being paid for from joint/family money.

Notfootball Thu 19-Sep-13 21:50:35

I'd say you but only because my DH knows so little about cars that he didn't even want to see or test drive the one I chose before we bought it.

Are you both after the same sort of car so could easily reach a compromise?

BoozyBear Thu 19-Sep-13 21:50:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cumfy Thu 19-Sep-13 21:52:51

Who's buying the car ?

Sirzy Thu 19-Sep-13 21:54:33

who is paying?

I would say the main driver should get the biggest say though

StuntGirl Thu 19-Sep-13 21:54:59

It should be a joint decision if it's coming from joint finances, but if you're the one who drives your opinion is probably the more...informed. I'm surprised he isn't just essentially letting you choose. What's his beef with your choice?

picnicbasketcase Thu 19-Sep-13 21:56:07

Both should be looking around at what you want if it's both of you paying, but you should get ultimate decision as it's you who will actually be driving it.

Pinkpinot Thu 19-Sep-13 21:56:41

Well his money is paying for it, I'm sahm
He wants the bigger car or even SUV type

StanleyLambchop Thu 19-Sep-13 21:57:12

Who knows the most about cars?

Pinkpinot Thu 19-Sep-13 21:57:32

He says he doesn't fit in a smaller car, but he really won't be in it that often!

Pinkpinot Thu 19-Sep-13 21:58:55

I've done the research on the cars, he just knows the one he's more comfortable in

picnicbasketcase Thu 19-Sep-13 21:59:41

How won't he fit? Does he travel in an outstretched starfish position?

SirChenjin Thu 19-Sep-13 22:00:25

You do, because you're driving it.

What do you want, and what does he want?

bundaberg Thu 19-Sep-13 22:03:04

you do! you have to drive the blimmin thing

as long as you BOTH decide on budget etc

bundaberg Thu 19-Sep-13 22:03:51

in terms of comfort, it's far more important that the person actually driving is comfortable!

VanitasVanitatum Thu 19-Sep-13 22:04:39

It's family money, not his... You're a sahm that's harder work than a job!!!

Groovee Thu 19-Sep-13 22:05:36

I always get to choose. Dh is happy with anything.

Earthworms Thu 19-Sep-13 22:08:27

If he is only getting in it twice a year, but a small economical car for everyday use and use the money you save on purchase and running costs to hire a mahoosive SUV on the occasions when he does get in.

McNewPants2013 Thu 19-Sep-13 22:08:53

You do, it's you the one who is driving the car.

I can not get on with driving an estate car or cars with a gear stick with the reverse on the right.

Trifle Thu 19-Sep-13 22:10:59

I'd buy a cheaper car and spend the rest on getting him driving lessons. No fully grown man should be unable to drive.

Pinkpinot Thu 19-Sep-13 22:12:54

He can drive trifle- just a problem with his driving licence. Long story
Good plan, earthworms

BrokenSunglasses Thu 19-Sep-13 22:15:59

If it's about who's most comfortable in the care, then without a doubt you get the final say. Unless you are in a luxury coach or something, driver comfort is far more important than passenger comfort.

Your DH may have had a winning point if it were about cost or fuel economy or something practical, but he's a selfish arse if he thinks his comfort is more important than the drivers.s

Joint decision but weighted towards the main driver. Will your DH be driving the car at any point in the future, provided the problems with his licence clear up?

Pinkpinot Thu 19-Sep-13 22:23:49

Probably not anytime soon, he doesn't really need to drive, so not top priority

cumfy Thu 19-Sep-13 22:25:10

Is it likely he will be driving the car at some point then ?

cumfy Thu 19-Sep-13 22:26:36

xpost, but surely it won't be that long before he can drive again ?

Hulababy Thu 19-Sep-13 22:30:24

How small is the car you want to get? Is he very tall and a small car really not very nice, especially on a longer journey?

DH and me both drive so have two cars. Mine if the little car, through choice. DH has the family car day to day but I use it in holidays if I am going on longer journeys - as it is more comfortable for passengers - or taking more than 3 passengers - I only have 4 seats. So, I chose my car (the little one) and DH has the bigger weighting on the family car - as it is his day to day one.

StuntGirl Thu 19-Sep-13 22:56:50

How cramped is he going to be? If he's 6'2" and you're buying a Mini Cooper I can see the issue.

Pinkpinot Fri 20-Sep-13 10:42:51

So, we have an A6
I want the a5 sportback
He wants another a6 or a Q5
There's a bit of difference inside between A5 and A6, but not massive.
He's 6 3, rugby physique, big guy

I have really fallen in love with this car, and I had a savings plan which was to buy a sports car when I turned 40, but I had to cash it in, to buy our house

mayorquimby Fri 20-Sep-13 11:57:43

Going with yabu in that case
I accept the logic of others opinion wrt "you're the main driver, you get final day" etc but I disagree with it
Especially now that it seems your decision is based on a rather self centred desire to own a sports car because you've always wanted one etc.

McNewPants2013 Fri 20-Sep-13 12:00:05

I would love an a6

AKAK81 Fri 20-Sep-13 12:00:35

YABU for wanting to spend so much on such a bland euro box.

TheFuzz Fri 20-Sep-13 12:02:45

A5 A6, not much difference really. The A6 is a slightly bigger family car. Very little difference in fuel consumption - same engines

Q5/7 are w@nkpanzers just like X3/5's and driven by plonkers.

Beastofburden Fri 20-Sep-13 12:12:19

This doesnt come across too well, you know.

You resent having cashed in your savings plan for a shiny sports car to buy a boring old house for the family. Now you want to buy a sports car you have "fallen in love with" rather than a family car.

How long will this fantasy car last you? as your DC grow, will it be big enough for them? Can you park it everywhere without vandalism? Will it transport sports kit, holiday luggage, friends, etc?

If it were the case that twice a year you could rent a big car for DH to squeeze into, and in the meantime you wanted a practical comfortable runabout that suited you and the DC- people would have sympathy. But if what you want is your fantasy car regardless of family practicality- not so much sympathy here.

Pinkpinot Fri 20-Sep-13 12:20:48

The A5 isn't a little sports car
It's a sportier model of the A4. He thinks the A4 is too small for him.
It's still a family car.
It's still plenty big enough, in fact the boot is more practical as it opens a lot further than the A6
The only difference is that DH feels a bit more squashed

Beastofburden Fri 20-Sep-13 12:24:06

Ok pink, in which case my comments arent fair so I apologise- in that case I would go with the renting a bigger car for holidays model.

Pinkpinot Fri 20-Sep-13 12:26:14

If it was an Audi TT I could see your point
I'm not going for an impractical car, it's even 5 door!!

Can you not stuff dh in a top box?

Or rent a caravan for him? Or, a zip van on the occasions he needs to be in the family car?

MortifiedAdams Fri 20-Sep-13 12:30:57

DH doesnt drive and I do.

When we bought a new car in April (new to us not brand new), we agreed together a price, mileage (ideal) and boot size (for buggy etc).

We went to the showroom.together, scouted out a few we thought would work for us and I test drove two while he and dd played in the showroom. I then picked the one I preferred driving.

The a5 is a boring car for a middle aged man with a bowler hat, you know. <sigh>

MortifiedAdams Fri 20-Sep-13 12:32:46

Oh and we went for a Ford Focus. Total parent/suburbs type car because that wss what was best for the family. Both in practicality and cost.

hermioneweasley Fri 20-Sep-13 12:34:27

Have you discussed the option of getting the one you want and then hiring a car for the few long journeys?

I can't see the A5 being a problem though - it's hardly a smart car!

I have a similar sized car to the Q5 and I love the high driving position, but am often borrowing DW's smaller car as it's much easier to park!

Beastofburden Fri 20-Sep-13 12:35:33

true pink- can you tell i dont know a lot about cars?

Andro Fri 20-Sep-13 12:37:48

The only difference is that DH feels a bit more squashed

Hmm...I have a 6ft 4, rugby playing OH (plays 6 or 8 in rugby union so has a pretty muscular build) who was perfectly comfortable in the two A4 I've had over the years.

What do you think of the handling of the A6? I didn't like it at all when I test drove one.

It sounds to me as though you're both after different things and have different priorities, maybe you need to look at some different makes of car and find a compromise?

I do think the principle driver's comfort (including how easy they find the car to drive) has to be a high priority.

BIWI Fri 20-Sep-13 12:38:59

If you're the main driver, I would say you have more influence on your choice. But to choose something that your DH feels uncomfortable in? Big no. YABU I'm afraid.

Andro Fri 20-Sep-13 12:39:46

^My reference to the A4's there is because of the similarity in their size to the A5.

Potterer Fri 20-Sep-13 12:44:43

Pinkpinot my DH is also 6'3" rugby player built and he drives his own car, but he also drives mine too.

He does get a say in the choice of my car but it is because he bloody drives it at least once a week. He enjoys driving, I don't have any love of it so he drives mine as it is better than his little run-a-round.

I would never dictate what car he drove as I never drive it nor really go in it. My car is the family car, has to be big enough for luggage for holidays, taking to boys to school etc.

Honestly, 6'3" isn't that tall, however DH is tall in the body not the legs really so most cars he actually jams his head on the roof of the car. Now that is uncomfortable, but he can easily fit in a mini grin

Oh, and I am also a SAHM.

Pinkpinot Fri 20-Sep-13 12:53:06

I have loved my A6
I love the drive of the A5 and a new A6
I wasn't comfortable in the Q5, I only have one small child, it seems a bit OTT
McNewpants, I realise how ungrateful I might sound
I know how fortunate we are to be having this problem
Andro, dh is a bit of a moan, maybe he'd be uncomfortable in any car
He moans when he gets in the A6, makes a big fuss about putting the seat all the way back

Pinkpinot Fri 20-Sep-13 12:54:25

It's not like I'd be uncomfortable in the A6

Andro Fri 20-Sep-13 12:55:43

He moans when he gets in the A6, makes a big fuss about putting the seat all the way back

I now fail to understand why he wants another one then!

If you don't like the Q5 (and I don't blame you) then I'm sure he understands that your 'dislike/discomfort' is as valid as his...

Andro Fri 20-Sep-13 12:57:15

X-post. Why get a car do don't want though? Especially if you're the main driver. I think you need to look as some other options tbh.

WMittens Fri 20-Sep-13 13:15:08

*It's a sportier model of the A4. He thinks the A4 is too small for him.
It's still a family car.*

It has a coupe roofline so if at any time he needs to sit in the back then he's going to be squashed; in the front he should be OK, but I would pity anyone who sits behind him.

And this:

YABU for wanting to spend so much on such a bland euro box.

Pinkpinot Fri 20-Sep-13 13:24:12

He's never going to need to sit in the back

And I didn't really ask for opinions on my choice of car, thanks!!

Anyway, I don't think we'll be getting it any time soon, so I guess we have time to discuss

StuntGirl Fri 20-Sep-13 13:41:07

Why don't you both look for an entirely different car that isn't the one either of you have chosen here?

I think YAbothBU tbh, so look for another compromise!

cumfy Fri 20-Sep-13 15:07:25

But won't his ban expire fairly soon and you won't be the sole driver ?

Pinkpinot Fri 20-Sep-13 15:28:19

But we've both already chosen stunt girl!
It's not a dealbreaker, if I insist he'll say yes, get the A5, and really I'm happy with the A6
We are not actually rowing about it

He's not banned cumfy, he needs to take driving tests, and I just know he'll never get round to it. It's been 2 years
And even if he could drive, he wouldn't ever do the driving I do. He rarely goes anywhere at the weekend and works long hours during the week

Hulababy Sat 21-Sep-13 07:53:19

Not been in an A5. I did used to have an a4 cabriolet though. You suggested it was similar size to an a4. Well we found the a4 cab a bit compromised in space tbh especially in the back. Was a lovely car but not very practical for a family car I guess. But it really does depend on what size an a5 is.

Have you been for a test drive along with DH?

Hulababy Sat 21-Sep-13 07:55:49

You say DH won't need to go in the back? Do you not have other adult passengers? What about growing children?

Pinkpinot Sat 21-Sep-13 09:10:17

I've driven them, he's sat in them!
We have one small child
He rarely gets in this car, we occasionally go to friends 20mins away
Rarely any other adult passengers as well as him.
I do long distance motorway driving to my parents, he doesn't come
I only ever have one other small child in the back.
My older niece can sit in the front

lljkk Sat 21-Sep-13 09:27:10

Weird, my dad is about* 6'3" and 16-18 stone. He fits fine in my Fiat 500. He doesn't fit in a Smart car, though. smile

*Dad used to be 6'4", but he's 71yo now so probably shrunk a bit.

Get a copy of What Car? and compare the running costs, OP, or look at Honest John. Anything like an SUV will be so expensive to run.

SirChenjin Sat 21-Sep-13 09:28:39

My DH is 6'1", 17 stone and drives a (new) Fiesta. Manages to fit in there absolutely fine!

nokidshere Sat 21-Sep-13 09:44:51

We bought a new car recently . I already have a seat Alhambra for work so the new one is essentially DH's for work and our family car. I am 5ft2 and DH is 6ft6 and our two boys at 12 & 14 are 5ft5 and 6ft respectively.

I do the research - cost, value for money, running and maintenance costs, and safety.

Then I choose what we are going to look at

We all go for test drives because both adults need to drive it and both boys need to fit behind the driver

Then we all choose which one we like best

Then I decide which one we are having grin

Because if you do it in the right way everyone feels that we made a joint decision. Even though I had already decided which one we were going to get before we started the process

lljkk Sat 21-Sep-13 09:58:24

And costs of parts omg, the frigging repairs. Any repairs on our diesel Kia cost a bomb.

MrsMook Sat 21-Sep-13 12:09:25

I get a veto on DH's car as I'm an occasional driver, and will take turns on long journeys. The critical thing is that I have a comfortable driving position as being small, some large cars are not well designed for a petite driver with things like blind spots. I sat in one car in a showroom and said no immediately as the windows were so I high felt claustrophobic. As a passenger my demands are slight. The only thing I'm really against is sports style seats as my chest isn't broad enough so my arms kind of crush in on me. It still leaves a broad choice of cars for him, and he'll tend to decide on costs and efficiency. We tend to go for the same colours grin

My car is a mid-size so that gives him few comfort issues, so once I'm comfortable, the choice is again about value, and there's not much grounds for him to veto. Again, he's an occasional driver. We tend to use mine more to avoid shifting car seats and prams, but his extra boot space is handy on occasion.

The car needs to be comfortable for the drivers, for size and positioning. It's rare for an adult partner to need to sit in the back. (Bagsy me to be the only one small enough to contort between two car seats hmm)

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